Celestia's Little Shop of Horrors

by Maran

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Equestria Girls, Principal Celestia, Alternate Universe, Granny Smith
Length: 5143

Gardening used to be a simple hobby in the human world before Equestrian magic complicated things. Principal Celestia finds herself faced with a problem no amateur botanist should have to confront: hungry, singing plants.

Gardening used to be a simple hobby in the human world before Equestrian magic complicated things. Principal Celestia finds herself faced with a problem no amateur botanist should have to confront: singing plants. Luckily, the mirror portal offers easy access to one of the best magical horticulturalists in the multiverse – one with more than a century of experience, who is not about to let herself be outsmarted by a bunch of overgrown weeds.

Written for Aragon's Comedy (Is Serious Business) Contest with the prompt We Learned Something Botanical. An alternate take on the Equestria Girls short “My Little Shop of Horrors,” set in the Oversaturated world.

Reading Oversaturation is helpful for context, but not necessary to understand this story.

Rated T for some “adult” references, just to be safe.

Published 2018-02-01 13:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-01 13:00:06 UTC

Feed Me, Celestia!

Principal Celestia had a lot on her plate, between managing her students' new powers and learning about the magical abilities that she had gained, in addition to overseeing Canterlot High School. Working in her garden made her feel like she was taking a break while doing something productive. But everything changed when she started hearing voices coming from her plants. In order to find out whether or not she was mentally ill, Celestia called for another pair of ears to offer an outsider's opinion.

The first person she thought of was her most powerful and influential student, one Sunset Shimmer. The entire world population had acquired magical abilities of various kinds, but Sunset stood above and apart from all the others. Since she was the one responsible for bringing Equestrian magic to their world, the spirit of Harmony had seen fit to make her the avatar responsible for stabilizing and balancing the invasive magic.

And so Sunset manifested out of sculpted golden light and groaned the moment her mouth was able. “I hope you understand how weird it feels when you pray to me.”

Celestia drew herself up to her full, statuesque height and put on her Serious Face as she stared down at her pupil. “I hope you understand how weird it feels for me that one of my students is in charge of the entire universe, not to mention that my pony counterpart is an immortal god-queen who controls the sun.”

“Point taken. When you say it like that, it makes my mommy issues pale in comparison, especially if you're hearing voices.”

“Mommy issues?”

Sunset looked down. “Princess Celestia and I share a . . . complicated past. While we're on the subject, thanks for not wearing a bikini this time.”

The principal gave her a lopsided smile. “A bikini wouldn't be practical for gardening, now would it? It's best to cover up any parts that you don't want to get scratched.” She spread her arm to indicate her mud-stained overalls. “Now, as to the issue at hand . . .” Celestia grabbed the handles of the double doors. “I'll let you hear for yourself. Or not.”

She opened the door, and a rich, dulcet voice came through. “I've got Sunshi~ine on a cloudy day . . .”

“Doo doodoo, doo doodoo . . .”

Sunset quirked an eyebrow. “That's not a speaker?”

Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. “So you hear it too. I'm not crazy. Although now it seems I have another problem.” She pointed inside at a saguaro cactus. It had a mouth. A mouth that was belting out a classic tune.

“. . . I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way? My girl . . .”

Sunset's eyes grew wide. “I'll say.”

“To be honest, I don't think I would mind so much if my plants sang a better variety of songs. Before this, they sang 'Hear Comes the Sun.' Before that, it was an a capella version of the theme from 'It's Always Sunny in Phillydelphia.'” Celestia's solar-powered hair flared around her in agitation. “We get it. I'm sun-themed.”

“Eh-heh. Well, you know how plants are. They like the sun.” Sunset rubbed the back of her neck as her gaze traveled toward the back of the greenhouse. Then she froze.

“Principal Celestia?”

“Yes, Miss Shimmer?”

“I think you buried the lead.” Sunset waved her hand toward a tall plant that scooted back and forth in its container, using its leaf arm to wave a wooden stake like a conductor's baton.

“You should've just told me that you had a plant with teeth! And . . . And other human parts!”

“Oh, wow. I swear it didn't look like that when I saw it an hour ago. Can you believe it's a hibiscus?” Celestia scratched the side of her head. “Or at least it used to be.”

“It looks like that plant monster from that really old musical.”

The principal gave her a sidelong glance. “That movie came out when I was a kid.”

“Um . . . I'll refrain from joking about your age.”

“My girl! My girl! My girl!” echoed a row of bromeliads.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Thanks for that. So, how do I make them stop?”

Sunset held up her hands. “Earth pony magic often effects plant life, but I've never seen anything like this. Then again, it was never the focus of my studies even in Equestria. I'll have to get back to you on this one. I'm sure Princess Twilight can find an expert to help you.”

As her student began to dematerialize, Celestia shouted, “What should I do until then?”

Sunset answered through the light wave. “Have you thought about noise-canceling headphones?”

The following afternoon, Sunset dropped in on Celestia with little fanfare, bringing Granny Smith with her.

“Principal Celestia, this is Pony Granny Smith.” Sunset nodded at each woman. “Pony Granny Smith, Human Celestia.”

“Howdy, yer not-highness.”

Celestia blinked. “Um, hello, Granny Smith. You can just call me Celestia.” She hadn't known whom to expect, but it certainly wasn't the alternate version of CHS's cafeteria lady. On the other hand, Granny Smith did help run the most successful apple orchard in the state, if not the country. It stood to reason that her Equestrian equivalent would be knowledgeable about botanical magic.

Celestia gazed at her, trying to spot any difference between this Granny Smith and the one she knew. Physically, she was identical, but the mirror portal had dressed her in an outfit suitable for gardening: a short-sleeved, button-down shirt and long pants tucked into mud boots, in addition to her ever-present shawl.

Sunset clapped her hands once. “Well, you two have fun. I've got to run, but I'll be back later. Be sure to let me know how it went!” And she vanished with a pop like a soap bubble.

Celestia blinked again and adjusted her sun hat. “Well. Thank you for coming to help, Granny Smith.”

“Ain't no thing, Celestia.” The shorter woman waved her hand. “Why, I've been wantin' to see this world anyway, and now I got an excuse to come here, so thanks for that. Now then, I've been wonderin', if you don't control the sun here, who does?”

“No one does.”

“Ah, so it goes round the planet by itself, then?”

Celestia shook her head. “That's not actually how it works, but I can explain later. Suffice it to say that I have no control over the sun.”

The older woman stretched out her hands with interlaced fingers and cracked her knuckles. “Well, then, let's see what we're dealin' with in yer greenhouse.”

Celestia led her through the yard toward the greenhouse and opened the doors, and the two women were instantly struck with a chorus of voices.

“. . . Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head. Look for the girl with the Sun in her eyes and she's gone . . .”

“Sweet Celestia!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow.

“I've seen all sorts o' strange plants, but I've never seen sentient plants!”

“Sentient or sapient?” asked Celestia.

“I don't know what the difference is. All I know is, they got a Heartsong with words that almost make sense.”

Celestia stared at the ringleader, with its disturbingly human lips, teeth, and tongue. Sunset's comparison to Audrey II from the “really old musical” was appropriate. Currently it was wearing her noise-canceling headphones where its ears would be and swaying its flower bud torso to the music.

“Sapient, then.”

“You've brought a friend that we need, an earth aspect on which we can feed!”

Celestia grabbed Granny Smith's arm. “Can you help? Because if you can't, you need to get out of here. I've seen how this movie ends, and it's not pleasant.”

“I don't know about no movie, but we'll get to the bottom of this, don't you worry, honey.” The green woman reached up and patted her shoulder. “Now then, did they all start out as normal plants?”

“Yes, they were normal even after magic came to this world. But two days ago, they changed.”

“What were you doin' when you noticed the change?”

“Well, I was feeding the plants a higher concentration of the usual 10-10-10 fertilizer to give them extra nutrients for spring.” Celestia pointed. “When I got to the lemon tree in the back, I noticed that it had started to grow fruit after five years of nothing but leaves.”

The lemon tree waved its branches. “Lovely Sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain?”

Celestia sighed. “And so it began.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Granny Smith pursed her lips. “Did y'all ever talk to the plants before they started talkin' back?”

“No, but I do talk to myself all the time when I work in here. It helps me vent, I suppose. I think I said something like, 'Oh, it finally has little lemons.' Do you think the lemon tree thought I was talking to it?”

“I said yeah!” said the lemon tree.

“Yeah!” chorused the other plants.

“Well there you go. Have you thought about just askin' the plants what happened to 'em?”

“Yes, but when they're not singing, they just keep telling me that I 'fed' them.” Celestia made air quotes. “I don't know what that means!”

“Keep your overalls on, let's just ask 'em. Do all y'all mean the fertilizer?”

“You're all that I need!” Audrey II scooted closer to Celestia.

Granny Smith turned to stare up at the younger woman's glowing, flowing hair. “Have you been feelin' any different since the change? Any new sensations?”

“The biggest change is that I get recharged in sunlight now. A few minutes of sunbathing gives me super strength for at least an hour, and my hair gets like this . . .” She waved vaguely at her rippling locks. “After I finish whatever I'm doing and the charge wears off, I feel tired, but it's a good, satisfying tired that helps me sleep like a log.” She crossed her arms. “Until last night, that is. I couldn't shut my mind off. I just lay there with 'My Girl' stuck in my head.”

“Eyup, that sounds somewhat like earth magic. Not the ear worm thing, but the magic strength and the feelin' you get after you use it. 'Cept us earth ponies get our energy from the earth instead o' the sun. I reckon that's a quirk o' you bein' the Sun Princess in my world.”

“But that still doesn't explain why my plants became sapient. You said you've never seen anything like this.”

“True, but I've never seen this world either, and Miss Sunset said yer strong for an earth aspect. I think what happened was that you gave the plants a bit of yer personality when you gave 'em yer magic to grow. That's what you fed 'em.”

Celestia pointed at Audrey II. “That came from my personality?”

Granny Smith shrugged. “I'm not judgin'.”

The principal rubbed her temples, smearing dirt on her snow-white skin (she had a skin type that lightened with sun exposure).

“Okay. We have a good theory of how this happened. Somehow I accidentally gave them some of my magic. So, do you have any idea how to stop it?”

“Let me try somethin'.” Granny Smith placed her hand on the lemon tree. “Magic is more shiny here,” she said as her hand glowed green.

“What are you doing?”

The lemon tree stopped swaying and went absolutely silent.

“Stop, in the name of love!” Audrey II slid toward Granny Smith on its pot and shoved her to the side.

Celestia caught Granny Smith and steadied her. “Audrey II! No! Bad plant!”

Audrey II was so irate that it stopped singing and started yelling. “We don't feed you! You feed us!”

The elderly woman brushed herself off and began striding toward the door, looking no worse for wear. “All right, I can tell when I'm licked. I reckon I'd best high tail it on outta here.” She turned and beckoned for Celestia to follow her out the doorway.

Once outside, Granny Smith shut the doors and closed the latch with a firm nod.

“You can help, can't you, Granny Smith?”

“Course I can, sugar cube. I'm cursed if I can't outsmart a bunch o' plants. But we'll have to come back at night, when they're asleep. Then I'll walk you through what to do.”

“Are you sure they'll go to sleep at night?” asked Celestia.

“Sure I'm sure. Plants gotta sleep just like every other livin' thing.”

“Except crackheads.”

“Beg pardon?”

Celestia shook her head. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. So, what's the plan?”

Granny Smith glanced around. “Not here. You got a lotta greenery in yer yard. Who knows if yer magic affected 'em the same way?”

At that moment, an almost dead fig tree twisted its top half around, focusing its knothole eyes on them and opening its fissure mouth.

“I am Groot.”

Celestia threw up her hands. “Are all my plants based on movies I've seen?”

Groot nodded. “I am Groot.”

“And to think people used to put those resin faces on trees! Uncle John thought they were hilarious! If he knew about this, he'd never let me live it down!” Celestia was nervously rambling, and the only thing that stopped her was Granny Smith's hand around her wrist.

“At least this tree ain't singin'. Come on now, Celestia. I'll tell you my plan once we get inside yer house. I hope there ain't no plants in there.”

Celestia sucked in a breath. “Only a few, but they're pretty sedate. I think.”

Hand in hand, the two women jogged toward Celestia's house. The principal opened her door and switched on the lights. A sigh of relief left her lungs as she scraped a portion of the mud off her boots.

Granny Smith, however, shook her head in disbelief. “I reckon you downplayed the number o' plants you keep inside yer house.” She brushed her pale green fingers against a peace lily, and then pushed a hanging basket containing a spider plant. “If this spider plant starts actin' like a spider, I'm gonna have to take drastic measures.”

Both women stared at the plant for a few seconds.

“There! It moved!” Granny Smith held out her palm as if to strike the leaves.

Celestia shook her head. “That's just the AC kicking on. Don't you feel that cool air?”

Granny Smith closed her eyes. “Oh, that's nice.” Then she opened her eyes and glared around the entryway. “But I still don't trust these plants any more than I'd trust poison joke.”

“I don't know what that is, but there aren't any plants in the dining room. We should be safe to talk there.”

She removed her boots and instructed Granny Smith to do likewise, because even though they had a pressing matter to deal with, they still had five hours until dusk. There was plenty of time for cleanliness. Come to think of it, Celestia felt like she could use a hot shower and a change of clothes. First, however, she was anxious to learn what Granny Smith was planning.

Granny Smith sat down at the dining room table and rested one hand over the other.

“Do you think it's murder to kill a talkin' plant?”

Celestia sputtered. “W-what?”

“You haven't thought about it?”

“I – This only started two days ago! Besides, if I'd wanted to kill my plants, I'd have done it already.”

“I didn't ask if you wanted to kill 'em. I asked if you thought it would be murder.”

“Well . . .” Celestia looked down at her soil-encrusted fingernails. “If they truly are sapient, I suppose it would be murder.”

Granny Smith nodded slowly. “The reason I ask is because what I'm thinkin' about doin' would risk losin' some o' the plants.”

Celestia's eyes widened in realization. “Oh! Were you thinking about turning on the overhead sprinklers to over-water all of the plants and weaken them? Because I already considered that, but it would kill the cacti, and probably the succulents as well.”

“Eyup, that it would. Actually, I was thinkin' I should teach you how to use life drain to make the plants go . . . Well, I was gonna say dormant, but that ain't the right word for it. They'd just go back to the way they were before.”

A light bulb switched on inside Celestia's mind. “That's what you did to the lemon tree. Is it dangerous?”

“Only for plants, if you don't know what you're doin'. I never let none o' my kids or grandkids do it to our trees till I was positive that they had control over it. It's basically the reverse o' the way you 'fed' yer plants.”

Celestia thought for a moment. “Granny Smith, I gave these plants some measure of intelligence. I gave them a Heartsong. Is it wrong to take that away?”

“It would be wrong if you did it for selfish reasons, but we both saw how the effect spread. If more plants become self-aware . . . Well, do you s'pose your world is ready for blades of grass to cry out in pain every time they're cut? Is your world ready to eat heads o' lettuce with faces? Is it ready to use paper and cloth made outta the bodies of thinking people?”

Celestia pinched the bridge of her nose. “This is dark, Granny Smith. I just wanted to preserve my sanity, and this conversation isn't helping.”

“Well, shoot, sugar cube, I'm not the one that started all this. I'm just thinkin' it all the way through.”

Celestia let out the deepest sigh of the day. “That's it, then. We must stop this before it goes too far.”

Granny Smith reached across the table and patted her hand. “Maybe someday you can wake up some o' your plants again, if you feel like you got enough control to keep 'em contained. Maybe that Groot feller – he seems nice. Oh, and you should probably talk to Miss Shimmer about all this. I didn't talk to her too long, but I get the feelin' she's not takin' this seriously enough.”

The younger woman frowned. “Why don't you tell her?”

“She's your student.”

“Touche.”

Granny Smith pulled herself to her feet, her joints crackling. “Well, let's get started. Got any plants you wouldn't mind losin' too much?”

And so Celestia began training to drain the life and awareness out of her beloved plants in a sequence of trials . . .

“Let's hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too . . .”

Celestia facepalmed. “This is the exact opposite of what I wanted.”

“Hey, at least it ain't singin' about the sun.”

“I don't have the heart to drain its life force. It's a poinsettia that sings Yuletide carols! What kind of Snowfall Frost would I be if I took away its holiday spirit?”

“. . . We're riding in a wonderland of snow . . .”

“Be strong, Celestia. If it helps, you can plan on wakin' it up for Hearths Warmin' Eve or whatever y'all celebrate and give it to yer sister.”

“Spider plant, spider plant, does whatever a spider plant does . . .”

Celestia squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands over her ears. “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.”

Granny Smith lightly pulled Celestia's hands away. “You sound like my grandson. Wanna take a break?”

“Nope – Wait, I have been wanting to take a shower.”

“All right, honey, you do that while I deal with this rascal.”

“. . . Look out, here comes the spider plant!”

“Granny Smith, when you said you'd deal with the spider plant, I didn't think that meant hitting it with a book.”

“I don't like spiders.”

“I did it! I finally did it!”

Granny Smith blinked. She scratched her head.

“What? It wasn't supposed to turn back into a seed?”

“Hail no. This is mighty powerful anti-aging magic. I don't know if even Star Swirl the Bearded could pull off somethin' like this.”

Celestia cocked her head. “The astronomer? What does astronomy have to do with this?”

“Star Swirl didn't just study the stars. He was one o' the greatest wizards in Equestria.”

“Ohhh. That Star Swirl. The one who first opened a portal between our worlds and sent the Dazzlings here.” The principal folded her arms and looked away, rather like a petulant child. “I don't think I like Star Swirl right now.”

“Well, regardless, this is one way to solve yer problem.”

“I suppose. I just hate to start all of my plants from seeds and bulbs after I spent so much time getting them to grow to their current size.”

“You still don't understand earth magic, do you. We don't have to wait for plants to grow on their own time. All we need to do is give 'em a little nudge and they'll grow as fast as we want 'em to.”

Granny Smith touched the seed, a static spark shooting from her fingertips.

“Wait!” Celestia gripped Granny Smith's arm. “You'll make it sing after I just got it to stop!”

The elderly Equestrian burst out laughing. “Celestia. Honey. Sugar cube. I've been sproutin' seeds longer'n anypony in Ponyville, and I never once made a plant sing.”

A root and three leaves emerged from the seed. The center leaf had dark variegated patches that resembled a face.

It opened its mouth and cooed exactly like a tiny human.

Granny Smith stared. “Huh.”

Celestia let go of Granny Smith's arm and slapped her forehead – Celestia's forehead, not Granny Smith's, although the younger woman was also tempted to slap this so-called expert.

“I knew this would happen!”

“Why, that couldn't have been me. Pony magic ain't s'posed to work like that. Although, earth pony magic ain't s'posed to glow, either.”

“You were the last one to touch it!” exclaimed Celestia. “Besides, you're not an earth pony right now, and we're not in Equestria! And you know what else? Now that I think about it, everything started getting worse when you came!”

Granny Smith put her hands on her hips. “Well, maybe Miss Sunset shoulda picked somepony else to come help you, then!”

“I wish she had!”

“Ah! Uh! Ooo!” cooed the plantlet.

Celestia winced at her own words as soon as they left her mouth. “I'm sorry, Granny Smith. I shouldn't have said that. Please don't storm off until I realize that I do need your help and we reunite and I apologize. I hate that cliché. Can't we just cut to apologizing?”

Granny Smith blinked. “All right, hon, fair enough. I can understand how somepony – er, somebody could crack under all this pressure. And I reckon I was a mite overconfident, so I apologize for that. Heh.” She chuckled softly. “It's good to know that you humans talk about yer feelings just as much as us ponies do.”

“We try.” Celestia smiled. “And I am grateful for your help. I'm learning a lot about botanical magic, if nothing else.”

“Well, I'm glad Twilight asked me to come here.”

“Me too.”

“Because I wouldn't wish this on anypony else.”

Celestia's face fell.

“Kidding! Sorry, was that too soon?”

“A little bit. But hey, it's not that bad, is it? I mean, at least they haven't developed a taste for blood.”

Granny Smith cupped her hands over the seedling. “Sssshh! Don't give 'em any ideas!”

“The way this day has been going, I think that can of worms has already been opened. After all, these plants have a little bit of my personality in them. Maybe a bit of yours, too.”

“Uh-oh,” said the seedling in a muffled voice.

“I don't know which is more disturbing: your baby plant or my Audrey II.”

“They're both yer plants.”

Celestia gestured toward the plantlet. “You made this one the way it is.”

“And you're gonna have to deal with it after I go back to Equestria.” Granny Smith lifted her hands to expose the plant with its dark eye spots blinking up at them. “So get to it. See if you can make it go to sleep this time, 'stead o' turnin' back into a seed.”

After a deep inhale and exhale, Celestia touched the plant root with her finger, feeling energy tingle through it.

“Sleep.”

After the sun finally sank below the horizon, Celestia and Granny Smith headed back outside with flashlights in hand.

“We mastered this world's earth magic, you got yer shower, I took a nap, and I got prunin' shears in case the plants act up too much,” Granny Smith listed off.

“That about recaps it,” said Celestia.

“I just hope I won't have any trouble usin' the shears with these hands.”

“Really? You've been moving and manipulating everything like a pro. If it weren't for your constant Equestrian references, I'd easily mistake you for my world's Granny Smith.”

“Okay, so maybe I can handle the shears. I reckon I got used to this body faster'n I thought.” She tucked the pruners into her belt.

Celestia concentrated as she shone her flashlight on the stone path ahead. With her free hand outstretched and her hair streaming behind her, she drank of the energy from the grass and flowers on either side of the path. The charge she received felt similar to the magical boost she got from sunbathing. As Celestia strode past the bare fig tree, it opened its eyes halfway. Celestia met Groot's eyes and held her finger to her lips. Then she drained Groot's sense of alertness, causing it to close its eyes and slumber once more.

“You're gettin' real good,” said Granny Smith in a low voice.

“Thanks!” Celestia beamed – literally and figuratively. “But I'm only as good as my teacher.”

“I'm not sure how I should take that.” Granny Smith opened the filmy glass doors and aimed her flashlight inside, the light reflecting on the wet concrete floor.

“I hope your boots have good tread, because it looks slippery in there,” said Celestia.

Granny Smith stepped inside, her boots making a ripping noise as she lifted them. Strings of tree sap stretched from the soles of her footwear to the floor.

“Or not.” Celestia followed her with a grimace. “Ugh, I thought this was water. What in the world have these plants been up to?”

“They must be fixin' to trap you like a squirrel in the sap and keep you here forever and ever.”

“. . . Like a squirrel?”

“Well, there was this one time . . .”

Granny Smith didn't finish her sentence, because at that moment, both women walked face first into a cloud of pollen. Most of the time, Celestia did not suffer from allergies, but this pollen was as thick as the dust under her bed. It would've made just about anyone sneeze.

“Ah-ah-choo!”

And sneeze she did. In addition to mucus and saliva, green light shot out of her nostrils and struck the plants. She drew in a ragged gasp and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand.

Then came sounds of plants yawning and groaning as they awakened. The overhead lights turned on, Audrey II standing with its leaf on the light switch.

“Good day, Sunshine!” sang Audrey II.

“Good day, Sunshine!” echoed the flora.

“Great,” said Celestia. “Now what?”

“Stick with the plan. You start on this end and I'll start on the other.”

“What about waiting until they're asleep?”

“It's easier to keep 'em down when they're asleep, but we can still take down these overgrown weeds.”

“Hey!” said Audrey II.

Celestia stretched out her hands, using her breath to find a natural rhythm for the flow of energy between herself and the plants. But the plants resisted her attempts to drain their alertness. Their energy clung to them like sap.

Audrey II wrapped a leaf around her wrist. “Feed us more, Celestia.”

Granny Smith, meanwhile, fended off an attack from a large cactus. “Why didn't I wear longer sleeves!?”

The cactus swiped at her with its segmented branch.

“You ain't the only prickly pear I've cut down! Ain't the ugliest, either!” The farmer snipped off a fleshy green section with her shears.

“E-evil woman! E-evil woman!” It sang, shrinking back.

“Quiet, you big baby! It'll grow back!”

Celestia's resolve firmed. Granny Smith was a tough old lady, but she was still an old lady. She needed Celestia's help.

The tall woman grabbed the plant's leaf arm with her other hand. “I will feed you, flower child.” She cringed. Had she really just said that?

However, Audrey II seemed pleased, nodding its head and singing, “Let the Sun shine! Let the Sunshine in! The Su-unshine i-in!”

“I will feed you,” she repeated. But not today.

Digging in deep, Celestia pulled all of Audrey II's magic and alertness out through its leaf, leaving behind just enough life force for the Frankenplant to stay alive. She reached further into the patchwork of plant material in the greenhouse and drew in its energy like a sponge. After what felt like five minutes, the plants were silent and immobile, and Celestia was left standing with her feet rooted to the sticky concrete, with her head held high and her lanky frame commanding as much space as physically possible. She had never felt more alive, more real than in that moment.

“Sweet Celestia,” breathed Granny Smith. “For a second I thought you were about to sprout wings and a horn.”

Celestia deflated a bit, although the magic still tingled throughout her body. “I don't think that's how it works here. Besides, if I ever become an immortal god-queen, I want it to be while I'm doing something more momentous, like fighting a giant monster that's destroying a city, or battling a supervillian bent on world domination.”

“So you have other hobbies besides gardenin'? Sounds fun.”

Celestia nodded. “It is! I should tell you some of my crime-fighting stories sometime.” She folded her hands in front of her. “You know, you don't have to use me as an excuse to visit this world. You can come back and see how my garden is growing, and I can tell you more about life here.”

The older woman smiled. “All right, honey. I won't be a stranger.”

Then she held up a yellow fruit and squeezed it. “Oh, and just so you know, you fermented all the lemons.”

Author's Note

Even though this is an absurd AU fic, there is a precedent for earth magic glowing green in the EG world: see Gloriosa Daisy with her vines and Sci-Twi with her magic watering can.

Edit 2/3/18: The opening has been expanded to include more dialog and an earlier introduction to Audrey II. Enjoy.