Lifestyles of the Royal and Famous

by Amereep

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy
Length: 2006

The lives of some popular ponies are going to be invaded by a wiseguy.

For the common folk, there's nothing more interesting than hearing some dirt on a popular pony. It gives them an idea of what they're really like when nopony is looking. So what better way to intrude learn about their lives than seeing inside the place where they're most themselves?

This is meant to be as a joke off of 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous', but with a smart mouth Robin Leach.

This is also meant as an entry for Everfree NW Scribblefest 2018. The theme is...

Family Trees: Roots, Branches, and Leaves.

Published 2018-02-27 20:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-27 20:50:07 UTC

Castle of Friendship

She is the star pupil of Princess Celestia who's gone from 'simple unicorn' to 'alicorn princess' over the span of less then a decade. Learning about the meaning of friendship and even becoming the Princess of Friendship, it seems like nothing will stop her from achieving greatness with the help of her friends.

She is Princess Twilight Sparkle, and today's topic on 'Lifestyles of the Royal and Famous'.

Entered into royalty when her brother, captain of the royal guard, married Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Became royalty herself when she was coronated by Princess Celestia. And achieved a castle after defeating Lord Tirek.

But just what is this mare really like behind the scenes? What is her life when she isn't the symbol of friendship? What can us common ponies learn about her other than the fact she now has the power to order her big brother around like an errand boy?

My name is Aubin Peach, and today we'll discover what lies behind that regal appearance of this mare. While I was unable to gain an interview of the fair princess, I've been given access to take an exclusive look through her sanctuary, The Castle of Friendship, from roots to leaves.

The first thing to recognize about this structure from the outside, is the design. Made as if it was trying to replace the Tree of Harmony, this structure resembles a crystallized tree the size of Foal Mountain; but the true marvel is that a castle was built amongst the branches, putting all tree-houses to shame. The designer of this luxurious castle has a unique vision to say the least, but what's surprising is the fact that the designer is unknown to this day. Believed to be connected to the tree of harmony itself, it sprouted like a weed in a matter of seconds off the edge of Ponyville.

As we enter through the grand doors, we see the interior of this glorious structure and find out that this tree is as hollow as a carved jack-o-lantern. With jeweled pillars structured like redwoods, and imageries of oak trees plastered everywhere on these walls; the sense of being lost in a forest becomes coherent. Appropriate for the perplexing layout and hundreds of rooms the palace holds.

Many of the world's famous individuals have left their mark here upon these walls; the wall pieces Prince Rutherford left after having a hissy-fit, the bite mark Princess Ember made, and the crayon drawing etched into the wall by Princess Flurry Heart. But our first stop is the place where Princess Twilight is usually expected to be, her own personal Library. From a simple haiku to the elephantine 'Remembering Past Things', literature of all forms from across Equestria can be found here. Estimating at roughly forty-eight thousand, Princess Twilight Sparkle has been reading these books as both a form of studying and a simple form of leisure; a clear indication that the Princess really needs to get a coltfriend.

The center piece to the room is the mystifying Crystal Mirror. Powered with the help of science, the princess uses this mirror at her leisure. Not to review herself on her appearance or to ask who's the fairest of the land or to even see others like an unseen stalker, but to use it to travel to another dimension; spreading her rain of authority to locations where no princess has gone before.

When inspiration strikes and the possibility seems fitting, Princess Twilight Sparkle likes to put those ideas to the test in her very own Laboratory. Here, she tampers with things that ponies shouldn't meddle with through the usage of magic and chemicals; breaking the laws of reality, one spell at a time. However, her studies have become a little lacking as of late due to princess duties or by the absence of subjects; such as test animals. This leads to one conclusion; her pet owl is doing a poor job at catching mice and rats.

But even royalty need to eat, and our princess has taken the classical appearance for her Kitchen. This cozy room is supplied with all the necessities needed to make any meal fit for a princess; a state of the art oven, the finest looking of china on this side of Equestria, and an alarming assortment of teacups. As for the food, she has a plentiful amount of blueberries, spinach, broccoli, and a few pastry products, such as cakes; it's starting to appear like she's becoming more like her teacher everyday.

After the food is prepared, we head to the Dining Hall. Here, Princess Twilight and her friends have gathered to on occasions for breakfast, tea, and ask the important issues that deal with life; such as what dress are they going to wear to a gathering. The golden table they eat at is round and wide for the heroes of Equestria to sit at and discuss; giving a strong impression that this room was inspired by the legendary ruler, King Sword Stone.

When it comes to fun, nothing can match the enjoyment you can get here in her Ballroom. The light effects are effortless to make here as the crystal tree can reflect the spotlight in a radiance of colors for the dance floor. You'll never find a more unique moment of watching the enchanting princess dance. It's amazing how a pony who reads so many books, never took a moment to read a book on how to dance. Each party is always planned by her friend, Pinkie Pie, who's been known to throw the wildest parties in all of Equestria. These parties are said to be wilder than when the Storm King is having a banana rush. But how does she get the money for these parties, that is something nopony dares to question.

The Princess of Friendship wouldn't mean much if she didn't live up to her title; that's why she has a room called, The Friendship Chamber. This is where the magic happens as Princess Twilight and her friends (The Prismatic Hotshot, Rainbow Dash; The Gossiping Entrepreneur, Rarity; The Purple Iguana, Spike; The Peppy Puffball, Pinkie Pie; The Yellow Canary, Fluttershy; and The Just-Say-No-To-Doctors, Applejack) sit around a table and view a map of Equestria that tells when a problem in friendship has occurred. With a direct connection to the Tree of Harmony, this table has all the in-site on relationships all over Equestria; making the rumors about the ponies tapping into our telemagic conversations look like child's play. When a problem is solved, it is symbolized as a decorative ornament for the tree root chandelier hanging over the room; a safety hazard waiting to happen when the wood begins to rot.

As we head up the stairs and into the branches, we enter into the more private section of this tree-house castle given to the other residents of the palace.

We start in the guest bedroom; filled with a fully stocked bookcase, green rug, a nice view out the window, and a canopy bed. Yes, when you're here, you're treated like royalty; unfortunately for the other guests, they're a bit lackluster.

Princess Twilight's loyal assistant, Spike, has his room befitting his youth. Note the barrel of toys, the hanging dragon figurine, and the paper with a crudely made crayon image taped to the wall. However, Spike sleeps in style as his bed of choice is a golden dog basket. It once had red gems glittering it, but he's been known to bed-bite in his sleep.

Princess Twilight's pupil, Starlight Glimmer, has a room next door that's a bit more mature; take for example her sextant....................... a device used to measure distance between two objects. But she still shows some signs of an adolescent, what with a few kites and a teddy bear wearing a wizard's hat; clearly not doing the bear any justice. Sadly, we are still left with the unanswered question that many of the common ponies are asking, 'Who is Starlight Glimmer? How did she become a student of Princess Twilight? Was it a result of nepotism? Is she a cousin? A sister? A clone?' We common ponies may never know.

With the shiny surface and echoing capabilities this castle has, Princess Twilight decided to satisfy her desire for perfection by having one room empty for her to use as a Practice Room. For hours, she'll stand in front of her reflection and give long speeches that echo throughout the room for her to hear at how she's doing. Sadly, she has yet to realize how boring and bland she can be to her audience with her lectures of spells, experience, and of course, lessons about friendship; goodness knows what will happen if she ever started a school of her own.

Being a princess means that you can enjoy the finer things in life; such as bubbles. In the bathroom, Princess Twilight likes to use a bit of her magic to make an ordinary bathtub into a Jacuzzi. It lives to its power source as the feeling truly is magical, but it still lacks many features of a spa, although the rooftop pool outside makes up for it. On occasions during sunny days, she lays poolside just basking in the warmth of the sun; not that much different to what she already does for Princess Celestia.

For our last stop, we head to Princess Twilight's bedroom. As with any form of feminine royalty, Princess Twilight has her bedroom high up in the tower; goodness knows that climbing up here is enough to make anypony drowsy for bed. She sleeps in a princess sized bed, complete with a canopy for the lavender pony. Pictures of her family and friends are hung in frames all over the walls to reminder of those that care for her and have helped her to where she is today. Despite the Library down below, she has a personal book case with a couple of her favorites consisting of philosophy, astronomy, and a few romance novels; something she recently gotten into thanks to her sister-in-law.

Speaking of astronomy, on clear nights Princess Twilight likes to gaze up at the stars in the sky with the help of her telescope. She may not know how many stars there are in the sky, but she studies the positions and swims her gaze through the various amounts of constellations like Capricornus the sea goat, Vulpecula the little fox, and Serpens the hungry snake; featuring Timmy the innocent victim.

Any princess knows that acting like royalty is just the half of it; the other half is looking the part, that's why Princess Twilight has her own walk in closet. Through the many clothing, she has something for every occasion; a dazzling gala gown, an elegant garden party dress, a grumpy wizard costume. She has so many choices, you'd wonder why she usually goes out naked.

As we're coming to a close on our tour, I can safely say that this tree will likely stand the test of time. Housing generations of descendants for Princess Twilight Sparkle. After our tour through the castle, we can calculate that the estate is estimated to be 67 billion bits. If you're insisting on owning a place like this, I suggest the smaller play set that's only 40 bits. It's a bit pricey for a toy, but it's great with little girls and obsessive compulsive collectors.

As we reflect this rare glimpse into Princess Twilight's life, one can say that we've formed a unique bond with her. Like we're an acquaintance, a friend, or dare I say, even part of the family. For now, we'll part ways from our fare princess's castle; so until our next encounter with another royal and famous pony, I leave you with Apple Cider wishes and Exquisite Éclairs dreams.

But what's this? Why it's Princess Twilight Sparkle, coming over to meet us! Please Princess Twilight, are there any lasting words you'd like to share with us before we end this touching farewell?

"Get out of my castle."