Hallucinatory

by wackaditto

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Tragedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 2923

Nightmare Moon has a talk with the Tree of Harmony.

Sullen and on the verge of death, the Nightmare whom fillies and colts fear is nothing more than a wreck. Filled with a sudden desire to die, Nightmare Moon goes to talk with the Tree of Harmony.

It doesn't go as planned.

Told by narration and in a series of letters.

Published 2018-02-03 22:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-03 22:40:07 UTC

Hallucinatory

Princess Celestia,

I hope you can't tell it's me. But I hope you can. But I hope you can't. I don't know what I hope. Does wanting to die count as hope? No? Yeah, I thought so.

I write to you today to tell you that I will be at the Tree of Harmony by the time you read this. Hopefully. Sorrowfully. Whateverfully. And no, I'm not there to destroy the Elements, mind you, but to talk to them. See, I had the strangest dream last night. I swear, if it was Luna I would--

Not possess her? What? What would I do? Shat, I blew my cover. Off topic. I'm so ADHD sometimes. You should have seen me on the moon. "Oh look, a rock! Oh look, STUPID SUN!!!"

But I'm not here to talk to you about my ADHD and how it strongly affected my/Luna's time on the moon. No, I'm supposed to be talking about the dream. I'm supposed to be talking about how I was looking at the statue of me, and how it melted under the sun, and a smaller, younger Luna was inside, and I cried and cried and woke up crying and wishing to die.

And that is why I'm going to the Tree of Harmony. Don't ask how I know where it is, because I don't know either, but I'll find it and taunt the Elements until they kill me.

You can come down and watch, if you'd like. Bring some popcorn. I love that stuff.

Goodbye probably forever,
Someone

_____

Celestia,

I fear you have not received my letter. Which sucks. I nearly drained all of my magic to send it to you. And if you threw it away, that's totally fine. Don't mind me, I'm just dying...

So I'm going to get killed by the Tree if Harmony today, and you can bring yourself and some popcorn. I don't mind.

Seriously, bring some,
Popcorn lover

_____

Should I even write your name anymore? I mean, I've given you no respect in the past, right?

Right? Am I alone here?

I totally am.
_____

I look up at the sky and see my failure. I don't want this failure. I didn't. Can't you see? I want to die so, so bad. But I don't. What is wrong with me?

I don't know if I want to destroy the Tree of Harmony or get killed by it. I keep having these thoughts and they're so hard to shake off. I think I need help. I think I need help.

But I don't want it.

And then the knife cuts into my skin and then I wake up again but I've been conscious the entire time and I DON'T KNOW. Someone tell me what's going on with my mind. Someone please.

Nightmare Moon

_____

The strangest thing just happened. The Tree spoke to me.

Well, the Element of Magic did. She--or it, whoever--said "Come."

And so I came forward a step and heard another "Come." This one was from Loyalty.

And all the others joined in.

Laughter said come. Generosity said come. Kindness said come. Honesty said come. They all did. They wanted me, Celestia. It was like...we were family. I must not be deluded. We are family, I can feel it...

I want you to come, Celestia. You need to see my family.

Nightmare Moon

_____

They insisted I write this letter, because it is simply too good to be true! I love it! We are going to have a home together. I finally have a home! You must come and see!

Nightmare Moon

_____

I think we may be related. We must be. We are nothing alike, but we are one and the same. We are family. Oh, Celestia, you need to see this beauty! Oh, the awesomeness!

I'm not kidding. You must believe me! I am not deluded. If I were, you would find me curled into a ball and laughing. Actually, I might be, because I feel like laughing. I have found a home. I have found hope.

Nightmare Moon

_____

They have given me a new name. I am Hopeful Moon now. They love me. I am so excited! You must, must come. Bring Luna! Bring everypony! We are one big, big family. I just know it!

I have unlocked the secrets to the world. I must share them with you.

Hopeful Moon
_____

What?
_____

Celestia,

You don't understand, do you?

_____

HELP ME.
_____

Why did I send that one? Ha-ha. I don't need help. I've got everything I need.

They'll wrap me up and put me to bed. They'll feed me. They'll put ointment on my scars. I hope they accept you as they did me.

_____

They want me now. It's a shame you didn't come. Don't bring a popcorn. Bring your sister, and we can enjoy ourselves together. We are young and free!

_____

She took a step, obeying the voices that she didn't know where liars. Were traitors. Were fragments of her own mind.

"We want you, Hopeful Moon," said Loyalty lovingly.

She tilted her head back and laughed. She laughed like a maniac, like young and wild and free, just free...

It was too good to be true...

She waltzed towards the Tree's embrace, humming a tune. It was time for a family to prosper.

_____

Celestia rubbed her forehead, groggy. It was 6 AM. Too early, but time to get up and get ready.

She sat up slowly in bed and rolled her shoulders, stretched, then fell back down. Nope. It simply wasn't worth it.

She cracked her eyes open a bit. 6:01. Fifteen more minutes. Or thirty. No, because getting ready took an hour and fifteen minutes, and the sun needed to rise at 7:30.

Would she, should she get up now? She decided against it and closed her eyes.

But not before glimpsing the stack of rolled paper on her desk.

Her eyes shot open, and she sat up again. Who was it? If it was Twilight Sparkle, this early, it was urgent. Celestia slunked out of bed. She was still tired, just maybe ten percent more alert. After all, Twilight often fretted over nothing.

But this early?

Celestia sat down at her desk and sorted through the letters. She found the newest one, at the top of the stack, and unrolled it.

They want me now. It's a shame you didn't come. Don't bring a popcorn. Bring your sister, and we can enjoy ourselves together. We are young and free!

Huh?

It wasn't signed. Who was it, then? Twilight would certainly sign her letters. Celestia squinted at it. Was it in code? Whatever code it was, it didn't make sense. Whoever wrote it was probably insane. It was the gibberish writings of a filly. Who was it? Maybe check the bottom of the stack, the first letter...

Too soon did she notice that the stack of papers were tilting.

"No!" Celestia whisper-screamed. But as she tried to steady the stack, the top letters fell, and the rest slipped off the desk.

As she tried to gather them up, something caught her eye. Was it...

Night

The rest of the name was covered by another letter. Celestia shivered. She only knew one pony with a name that began with that...

She slowly drew the letter out.

Nightmare Moon

Nightmare.

Moon.

Celestia's heart picked up pace. She sat on her haunches and took several deep breaths. It couldn't be. It had to be somepony playing a trick on her.

Right?

She had to confirm, though. She picked it up again and read it.

They insisted I write this letter, because it is simply too good to be true! I love it! We are going to have a home together. I finally have a home! You must come and see!

Who? Who insisted that Nightmare Moon herself write a letter to Celestia? And what was this home?

Celestia tried to quell her racing heart, but to no avail. If this wasn't Nightmare Moon, who was it? An absolute madmare, for sure. But that was exactly what Nightmare Moon was. This was also a trap. You must come and see...the Nightmare was baiting Celestia. She was faking it, for sure. She was the one who had hurt her dear sister.

But something inside of her knew this wasn't the case. So the princess picked up yet another letter.

Celestia,

I fear you have not received my letter. Which sucks. I nearly drained all of my magic to send it to you. And if you threw it away, that's totally fine. Don't mind me, I'm just dying...

So I'm going to get killed by the Tree if Harmony today, and you can bring yourself and some popcorn. I don't mind.

Seriously, bring some,
Popcorn lover

What? Now way this was the same mare. Except...

...drained all of my magic to send it to you. And if you threw it away, that's totally fine. Don't mind me, I'm just dying...

Celestia sorted through the letters in a hurried frenzy, prompted by an urge she could not name. Could this be? Did she need help? Of course she didn't, of course she didn't...

Why did I send that one? Ha-ha. I don't need help. I've got everything I need.

They'll wrap me up and put me to bed. They'll feed me. They'll put ointment on my scars. I hope they accept you as they did me...

Should I even write your name anymore? I mean, I've given you no respect in the past, right?

Right? Am I alone here?

I totally am...

Princess Celestia,

I hope you can't tell it's me. But I hope you can. But I hope you can't. I don't know what I hope. Does wanting to die count as hope? No? Yeah, I thought so.

I write to you today to tell you that I will be at the Tree of Harmony by the time you read this. Hopefully. Sorrowfully. Whateverfully. And no, I'm not there to destroy the Elements, mind you, but to talk to them. See, I had the strangest dream last night. I swear, if it was Luna I would--

Not possess her? What? What would I do? Shat, I blew my cover. Off topic. I'm so ADHD sometimes. You should have seen me on the moon. "Oh look, a rock! Oh look, STUPID SUN!!!"

But I'm not here to talk to you about my ADHD and how it strongly affected my/Luna's time on the moon. No, I'm supposed to be talking about the dream. I'm supposed to be talking about how I was looking at the statue of me, and how it melted under the sun, and a smaller, younger Luna was inside, and I cried and cried and woke up crying and wishing to die.

And that is why I'm going to the Tree of Harmony. Don't ask how I know where it is, because I don't know either, but I'll find it and taunt the Elements until they kill me.

You can come down and watch, if you'd like. Bring some popcorn. I love that stuff.

Goodbye probably forever,
Someone

There it was. The original one. Probably the first.

And then Celestia picked up another. And another. With each one, she realized just how psychologically damaged the Nightmare was. And--

HELP ME.

This one sent a chill down her spine.

She abruptly stood up and made her way to her armor. She had someone to save. Could she? Would she? The Nightmare's death could affect Luna, but at the same time, Nightmare Moon could be coming for Luna, her poor, poor sister...

What could she do?

_____

With every step she felt herself glowing. Glee, she told herself. Oh, the glee!

One of the branches seemed to be reaching towards her. "Come. Come. Come."

"Hopeful Moon."

"Come. We shall prosper."

"We shall."

She grinned. Yes! Before her were the keys to the Universe! She had found them! Just ten hooves to the base of the Tree...

Nine...

Eight--

"Don't take another step."

At first she thought the family tree was saying it. What had she done wrong? Did they not want her anymore? Shocked, she obeyed their orders. Then the voice echoed through her mind, and suddenly it wasn't in front of her, it was behind her.

She whipped her head around to see Celestia.

Smiling, she chuckled happily. "I knew you would come!"

Celestia did not answer, and her horn glowed. Suddenly, the Nightmare knew what was happening.

She looked back at the family tree. It was disintegrating.

"NO!" she howled. She watched as her only family died.

She turned on Celestia and started screaming. "You monster! You killed them!"

Celestia shook her head. "It's all in your head."

She looked back at her family, but now the cave was falling, too. Celestia's words were like a slow record. "It's ALL IN YOUR HEAD."

And then she couldn't help it. She started losing control. She cried and laughed and shrieked and moaned, she sobbed and wailed and giggled and yelled at the top of her lungs. She closed her eyes and she spun out of the world...

_____

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Celestia stood by Nightmare Moon's bedside, watching as she slept. She seemed peaceful, even more peaceful than the mess she was when Celestia found her. Screaming and sobbing her head off...Celestia winced. All she did was cast a spell that would calm the Nightmare down, but then the latter insisted that Celestia killed her family. But what family?

As she watched Nightmare's marred face, stroking her scarred legs, Celestia thought back to when she had banished her sister. She hardly cried anymore. With Luna's help, now that her sister was back, Celestia had learned to face her fears and worst memories. Oh, how she had missed Luna...

Luna. She was misunderstood. And so was Nightmare Moon. What did the Nightmare want? What were her motives, besides everlasting night? Maybe she didn't have a family. No...maybe she had an abusive one? Whatever it was, Celestia understood, at least a little bit.

The toxology report had come back: no drugs in the system. Celestia didn't know how the Nightmare would get her hooves on them, anyway. The doctor said that it was possible that the hallucinations that she had seemed to be experiencing were from Nightmare's weak state.

After all, she was very weak. You could see her ribcage, and flesh blood had poured from open wounds when Celestia found her. She needed hydration, and she could barely walk, barely a stagger. Her screams had been raspy and barely anything.

Celestia dragged a chair over with her magic and sat down. Reluctantly, she took one of Nightmare Moon's hooves and started to run her hoof along a scar. Was this self-inflicted, or from some experience in the Everfree?

The door opened, and in came Luna and the doctor, Heartbeat. Celestia withdrew her hoof from the Nightmare's and hoped Luna wouldn't notice. This was only Luna's second time seeing her enemy; the first time was when Nightmare was rushed into the psychiatric wing of the Canterlot Royal Hospital. Celestia and Luna had stood by and watched as the doctors set to work on closing the wounds and stabilizing her.

Now Luna observed with an unreadable expression the sleeping Nightmare, while Doctor Heartbeat checked the vitals. "Looking good," he remarked. "All she needs is rest, and then we'll start the 72-hour evaluation."

"What happened?" Luna asked. She glanced at Celestia, who lowered her eyes.

Celestia's mouth was dry, but Heartbeat answered for her. "We suspect she may have had hallucinations due to her malnutrition, but we also think there may be some underlying mental issues as well."

Luna nodded. "She was insane," she muttered.

Celestia kept her gaze down as Heartbeat exited the room. For about ten seconds, neither sister spoke. Then Luna broke the silence.

"How could you not tell me where you were going?"

Celestia sighed. "Well...I didn't want you to get hurt."

Luna seethed. "But you need to tell me your problems. I might have saved her just to figure out her motives for possessing me. I am stronger now, and I can take care of--her."

Celestia bit her lip, and suddenly tears blurred her vision, and then she whimpered, and then a hoof was on her back. Luna whispered, "It's okay, I forgive you." But Celestia cried and cried.

And as she cried, Luna cried too. And it was then that Celestia was taught two lessons. You could be forgiven, as long as family was there. You could be comforted, as long as family was there. You could be anything, as long as family was there. She questioned everything. What did she know about her family? Where did her roots go?

She perfectly understood Nightmare Moon now. She understood what it was like to have a family. And suddenly she wondered what would be if Nightmare Moon had one...

Who would forgive her? Who would be there for her? Deep down, family roots were where the heart was, not where the ancestors were or were from. Certainly Nightmare's own sister wasn't there for her, was maybe even abusive...

And even if Nightmare Moon didn't wake up, if she died, Celestia found out that it was all in vain. All she needed was a shoulder to lean on.

Celestia was taught a third thing right then and there.

Families weren't hallucinatory.

They were shared.