“You are a genuine badass!” I laughed, clapping Gluttony on the back.

He shrugged, “Not really.”

I scoffed, “Buddy, take some pride in yourself for once!”

“I’m more worried about you.”

I followed his eyes to my stump. “What? This thing?” I flicked it, sending black blood all over the ground, “I’m fine. Anyway, you know where any of those Elements are? And where’s Bella? I thought she was with you?”

He nodded towards the tree, “Both in there. I was just waiting out here, watching the birds.”

In where? I turned to look at the tree and stopped dead. “You’re fucking with me, right?” I stared at the...the literal treehouse. Door, windows, a fucking balcony... “There’s no way one of the Elements lives in a tree.”

“She’s a complete nerd.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Nerd or geek?”

“Nerd. Completely obsessed with books and learning.” Gluttony smirked. “Remind you of anyone?”

I snorted, “You know I only read books to make plans!” I headed to the door, “Come on. Let’s see what we’re dealing with.”

I kicked open the door, yelling, “BOOM, baby!” As I struck a pose.

“Hey! Don’t kick open my door!” A purple unicorn yelled before her jaw dropped as she got a good look at me.

I frowned, “Really? Nothing?” I sighed, “My talent is wasted on you people.”

“I’m not going to fit.” Gluttony said from outside.

I turned around and frowned, he was right. “Damn. Well, I won’t be long. Just hang tight, buddy.” He nodded and sat down.

“Wait! You’re Greed, right?” Purple asked.

I grinned and got up close to her face, “Indeed I am, want an autograph?”

“What?” She staggered backwards, “No! You’re the one who manipulated the princess!”

I raised an eyebrow, “They put that in the paper?” The pony soul then fed me information on her, she was Twilight Sparkle, Element of...Magic. She and Celestia were pen pals. “Never mind. I’m going to have to go through this soul at some point.”

“What?” She asked blankly before shaking her head, “Never mind! What do you want?” She asked hostilely.

“Not much, just thought I’d meet the Elements I’m protecting.” I admitted.

“Well, you can leave now.” She huffed.

“What’s up with you? You act like I insulted your mother.”

“What’s up with me?! What’s wrong with you?! You manipulated Princess Celestia for your own gain!” She spat.

I waited for her to continue. “Wait, is that it? You’re mad I exploited her?” I rolled my eyes, “Can you believe how naive she is, Gluttony?”

He sighed, “Please don’t mind him, he only does what he does so-“

“Ah, ah, ah!” I interrupted, “You’re not spoiling it this time.”

“...We can stay together.” Gluttony finished.

I turned to him, “Really? I can’t let them think I’m just doing this out of the evil of my cold, black heart just once?”

He shrugged, “It’ll be a good idea to be on the Elements good side.”

“So you’re just doing this to stay together?” Twilight asked softly. “That’s actually kind of SWEET CELESTIA! YOUR ARM!”

I blinked. “What? Oh, this! Funny story!” I laughed, “A Wrath Demon appeared in town and beat the shit out of me! I had to cut off my arm to avoid getting my head eaten.” I grinned, “Then Gluttony beat the shit out of him!”

She just kept staring at my stump, not laughing. She finally snapped out of whatever was up with her and rushed over to me. “We have to get you to the hospital!”

I waved her off, inadvertently flicking some of my blood in her face, “I’ll be fine. Us Demons lose limbs all the time, it’s a glorious pastime for us.” I lost all trace of humour, “After all what else are we supposed to eat when our meat keeps getting stolen?”

Her eyes widened, “You...had to eat parts of yourself?” She whispered.

I waved it off, “Eh, I only had to do it a couple hundred times or so, but that doesn’t matter!”

“Well...if you’re sure.” She said hesitantly.

“Sure I’m sure!” I looked around, “You have any law books here? I need to study up.”

“Wait, you’re actually interested in learning?!” She asked excitedly.

“Of course I am!” I gave a sly grin, “How else will I know what laws to exploit to benefit myself?”

“That’s not what laws are for!” She snapped, glaring at me.

I scoffed, “Shows what you know, you poor, naive, fool.”

“What?! You can’t-“

I cut her off with a sharp laugh, “Bored now! I’ll get to those books later, pumpkin.”

“Don’t call me that!” She snapped.

“Sure thing, pumpkin.” A thought occurred to me. “I thought Bella was in here?”

She blinked, “Bella? No! Don’t try and change the subject! Wait...Do you mean Belladonna?”

“Yeah, where is the kiddo? She didn’t do a runner, did she?” I raised an eyebrow, “Or is she in the erotica section?”

Twilight blushed, “No! No! I...I don’t even have a...I mean what would I even do with erotica?! I don’t read it!” She shot out, panicking.

I grinned, “Uh huh.”

“It...it’s true! I don’t!” She protested.

“No, no. I totally believe you.” I said sarcastically.

“I mean it!” She growled. She shook her head, “No. Belladonna is in my bed.”

I opened my mouth, showing off my fangs, and pressed my claws into her throat, threatening to cut into her easily as the sharp point of bone from my other arm was right above her eye. “And just what is a teenager doing in your bed?” I hissed darkly into her ear, as my tongue extended and spread it across her cheek and wrapped it around the base of her throat.

“No!” She squeaked, “Not...I didn’t…! She just fell asleep reading! I just put her in bed! I swear!”

“Really?” I snarled, completely intelligible as my tongue slipped through a gap in my teeth, tightening my tongue, slowly cutting off her oxygen.

She didn’t dare nod with the shard of bone getting closer and closer to her eye and my claws digging deeper, drawing a few drops of blood. “I…” She choked, “I swear...I...I didn’t…I wouldn’t...”

I stared at her a few seconds longer before releasing myself from her and stepping back. “No troubles then!” I laughed as my tongue returned to my mouth, “You just make sure to send her back to us before we leave the town!” I grinned, patting her on the head.

“I...I…” She whimpered.

I sniffed. Something stunk of piss. I looked down. Oh, she’d pissed herself at some point. “Take a shower, you stink of piss, pumpkin. You wouldn’t take advantage of Bella now, would you?” I gave her a grin and she shivered, “Whatever, your innocence is kind of adorable. We’re off, got lots to see.”

“And plenty of time to get you drowning in pussy.” Gluttony added as I left the library.

I laughed, “Really? You’re in on this too?”

He laughed, “You need to relax more. Besides, you’ve been way too tense lately.”

“There’s a reason for that!”

“Yeah, yeah. Besides, when girls see that tongue they’ll go crazy for you.”

“Fuck you!” I snorted.

“I ain’t into that, man.” He chuckled.

“Fuck off!” I laughed. “Now, where did Lust get to?”

Author's Note

Okay, this is a short chapter, mainly just to get back in the swing of things. And a short chapter’s better than nothing, right? Right?

Anyway...I’ve been doing some thinking. These characters...well, they have the mindset of people in their early twenties. And like people of that age, they shoot the shit, talk about nothing important and...well, basically I’ve decided I’m going to putting some more ‘taboo’ jokes in here. Nothing too intense (unless I’m having a really dark day) but jokes you wouldn’t tell over a family meal.

I’m talking sexist jokes, Nazi jokes, shit like that. Don’t worry that stuff won’t take over, but I’m (kind of) paranoid about people taking my jokes the wrong way. So, that’s the point of this message. Like I said, mentallity of people not really taking anything they say seriously.