Author's Note

So, this just popped into my head, and I realized, there's no Captain Celaeno clop. Hell, there's not even any romance stories starring her. Give the bird some love people.

Also, I'm not dead.

Life just likes fucking with me

Yo Ho Ho

Captain Celaeno glared over the horizon, a cocky grin on her beak. Her sights were set on yet another transport for the Remnant forces.

Ever since the Storm King’s defeat, his forces have been struggling to hang onto what little power they had left. Unfortunately for them, they made nothing but enemies, Captain Celaeno and her swashbuckling crew of the Rainbow Falcon included.

For years, the Storm King and his flunkies made life miserable for Captain Celaeno and her crew. Now, without their king and commander, it was payback time.

If Celaeno and her crew profited from it, all the better.

“Cannons at the ready!” Celaeno barked. “At my command!”

Her crew moved the cannons into position, armed and ready.

“Fire!”

The thunder of guns rattled her beak as the shots slammed into the enemy’s hull. Wood splintered and panicked screaming filled the air as Captain Celaeno drew her cutlas.

“Come on, lads, you know the drill!”

The ship pulled alongside the trader and the band of pirates leaped onto it, ready for combat. The token resistance put up by the unseasoned crew of the Remnant ship was quickly overwhelmed, mostly thanks to the pair of flash bombs thrown by the Rainbow Falcon’s only non-bird crewman, the human, Ryan.

Celaeno smirked as the man charged the enemy with a near fanatical rage. She couldn’t help but be reminded of how they found him.

“Get this stuff loaded!” Captain Celaeno ordered. “I want this ship scuttled within the hour.”

Business had been good, and with the Letters of Marque granted by the Equestrian crown, it was all legit.

“Capin’!” called Boyle. “Found something you might want to see, down here!”

Celaeno, with curiosity, made her way into the hold. She had expected weapons or rare, valuable treasure. Instead, she only found the usual supplies, and one oddity. In the corner, a cage stood holding a creature she had never seen before.

It looked like a minotaur or diamond dog if they were primates and mostly hairless. It was huddled in the corner, staring at her with wide, fearful eyes.

“Well, aren’t you an interesting one,” Captain Celaeno said, more to herself than to anyone else.

Then, something happened that she hadn’t expected.

“It spoke, “P-parley.”

Celaeno still wasn’t sure if he was crazy or not, with his talk of being an alien from another world, but considering the kinds of things he knew, she wouldn’t be surprised. He told her that he was in the middle of shopping at a local market he called ‘The Mall’ when he suddenly found himself on an airship.

She offered to drop him off in Equestria, promising him that her pony friends would take care of him and maybe even help him find a way home. Surprisingly, he refused.

“I didn’t have anything back home,” he had told her. “My parents are dead, I have no friends, and I hate my job. Besides, I owe these Storm Remnant fucks for what they did to me.”

She had to admit, she was glad he did stay. Not only was he a brilliant being, he also brought knowledge from his people, which to hear him tell it were something out of a science fiction novel or comic book.

“Another planet?” Celaeno asked, her disbelief obvious. “You’re people landed on another planet?”

“Well, not quite. We send probes; little robotic drones, kinda like golems but without magic,” Ryan clarified. “Though, we’re supposed to be sending someone soon.”

Celaeno quirked an eyebrow, glancing dubiously at the weird metal stick he was fiddling with. “You know, all these stories you keep telling us, they kinda sound made up. Landing on the moon, machines that fly faster than sound, satellites; they all sound too made up. Like this thing you’re doing now. You expect me to believe a metal stick is going to be able to stop someone without hurting them?”

Ryan smirked and swung the stick to barely touch her. In an instant, every muscle in her body contracted and the world fell away as she toppled over, convulsing.

“Eeyup.”

He really was a boon to her crew. From the canons he helped design, to the stun rods they now used to take enemy airships, his ingenuity raised them to new heights. Their flag inspired terror in the hearts of Remnant forces.

Sure, they were a threat before, but Ryan made them the stuff of nightmares.

Plus he has a nice-

“Captain!” Mullet’s voice cut through her thoughts.

“Yes, what’s the problem?” Celaeno said, forcing her mind into the present.

“You gotta see this,” her first mate said, gesturing with his head toward the enemy ship.

Celaeno followed Mullet onto the enemy ship. Almost as soon as she stepped over, one of the crew rushed her. Dropping into a ready stance, she prepared to take her attacker down.

Instead, her would be attacker dropped before her, prostrating himself before as he spoke with a pleading voice, “Please, have mercy. I beg you. The Storm King’s Remnants are gone. We just want this mess to be over. Please, don’t hurt them!”

Lix Spittle, and Squabble tackled the white furred primate and started dragging him away.

“Mullet, what the hay was that?” Celaeno asked.

“That’s what we were wondering,” Mullet replied. “While you were off in lala land, we boarded the ship.” Celaeno winced at the casual tone he used, calling her out of her inattentiveness. “We were ready for a fight, but instead, they all surrendered right away. At first, we expected some kind of trap, instead... Well, I think you should see for yourself.”

Celaeno warily made her way to the cargo hold, expecting the worst. As she made her way down the ladderwell, she saw Ryan starring with a dumbfounded expression at the contents of the cargo hold.

“Cel...”Ryan said, absently, “I... I don’t...”

Celaeno soon saw what had her crew at a loss. In the hold wasn’t treasure or even some new, terrible weapon.

It was children.

The fearful gaze of dozens of tiny eyes bored into the pirate captain. She had never before even seen a child of... whatever the Storm King’s race was called. Yet, now, here were at least sixty, all staring at her as if she was the angel of death.

“What is this?” Celaeno asked no one in particular.

“P-please, don’t hurt them.”

Celaeno’s eyes fell on the speaker, a young male, though older than the others.

“What? Why would we hurt them?” Celaeno asked in confusion.

“Y-you’re the Parrot Pirates, aren’t you?” the young boy asked. “The killers of ten thousand.”

Celaeno couldn’t believe her ears. Did they really think she was a... murderer?

“Killer? Kid, we don’t kill. Hey, we haven’t had to kill anyone since, what, two years ago?” Celaeno said.

The kid squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to shut out the truth. “You don’t have to lie. My father was killed by you. I don’t blame you, though. He was fighting under the Storm King’s banner, and we were at war with you. We already know what’s going to happen. Please don’t toy with our emotions. Don’t give us false hope.”

Celaeno couldn’t believe what the child was saying. He actually believed they were going to kill these children. Why would they think something so awful.

“Kid,we-” Celaeno was interrupted by a hand on her shoulder.

“Cel,” Ryan said, looking at her with a sad, conflicted expression. “Nothing we say will help.”

Celaeno sighed, understanding what he was saying. “Alright. Put a course in for Canterlot. Send the princesses a message. We have precious cargo that needs care.”

Celaeno watched as the Rainbow Falcon’s ‘cargo’ was unloaded under the watchful eye of Princess Celestia, herself.

“They say they’re the last of the Remnant,” Celaeno said to the great, white alicorn. “I’m not sure if they’re telling the truth, but they seem to believe what they say.”

“If they are, it would mean an end to hostilities,” Celestia said.

“And an end to our business,” Celaeno muttered.

Celestia giggled, “Don’t worry, Captain, Equestria will still have need of such a skilled and experienced captain and her crew. I know a certain group of mares that often go on adventures, and could use a skilled captain and crew to help get them where they need to go and watch their backs.”

Celaeno smirked, “They’d have that regardless, Princess.”

“Besides, you can always run deliveries for the crown,” Celestia said with a twinkle of mischief in her eye.

Celaeno gave her an flat glare. “Yeah, no. We’re not going to be delivery birds, again.”

Celestia just laughed and continued, “Of course, it would only be to the most remote and exciting places.”

Celaeno tapped her beak with a talon, “Well, that does change things a little. We’ll see. For now, I have to go rescue my human from that student of yours.”

“Oh, jealous, are we?” Celestia teased.

Celaeno turned around quickly to hide her blush and cleared her throat. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Celestia giggled. “I’m sure you don’t.”

“Hey, Twilight,” Celaeno greeted as she entered the dock’s lounge area. “Interrogating my Master-at-Arms, again?”

Twilight rolled eyes and chuckled. “I wouldn’t call it ‘interrogating’. More like ‘enthusiastic inquiring’.”

“What’s the difference?” Ryan asked with a smirk.

“One is hostile, the other isn’t,” Twilight declared with a triumphant smirk.

“Fair enough,” Ryan conceded. “So, Cap, what’s the word?”

Celaeno sighed. “No clue, yet. They’re going to be taken in and given room and board in the city. Those with family in prison will get to see them, and after that, the princess will decide later.”

“That’s good, but what about what they said?”

Twilight answered, “Well, in the past nearly two months, the only ship that has engaged Remnant forces is yours, and that’s only three, including this one. Our intelligence says that there’s been no other Remnant activity, anywhere. It’s still too early to say for sure, but chances are it’s over. We won.”

Ryan sat down heavy on a couch, a far away look on his face. “We won. I guess... I got my payback.”

“I’m glad,” Twilight said, concern in her tone. “I hated seeing you so driven by revenge.”

“Yeah... but,” Ryan hesitated. “Now what?”

“What do you mean, ‘now what’?” Celaeno asked. “We do what we did before the Storm King messed it up.”

“Before the Storm King, I was on Earth, just finishing my Masters. Unless you have a school that can compete with MIT, I don’t think that would appeal to me.”

“Well, you could always put that degree to use here,” Twilight offered.

Celaeno gave her alicorn friend a glare.

“Or you could just stay with Celaeno,” Came another voice they all recognized.

“Hey, Love Horse,” Ryan greeted as Cadence approached. “How’s the kids.”

“We only have one,” Shining Armor replied.

“Oh, right, I forgot, you’re just a wuss,” Ryan teased.

Shining just chuckled and shot back with, “Who was it that was whining only a quarter way through the obstacle course I run every day?”

“One made for ponies. You wouldn’t even be able to do the ones humans made,” Ryan countered.

While they continued their verbal jousting, Cadence looked to Celaeno and said, “While the boys have their little... debate, why don’t you and I discuss some things.” She motioned toward the exit.

“Sure.”

“I’ll stay here,” Twilight said. “I still have a couple questions for Ryan.”

As soon as the door closed behind them and there was no risk of the others hearing, Cadence asked, “So, are you going to tell him, now?”

Celaeno sighed. She knew this was coming. “I... I don’t know. Twilight said there was still a chance there’s still some Remnant forces out there.”

“Celaeno,” Cadence said sternly.

“I know!” the captain gave in. “I’m just... What if he doesn’t feel the same way? We have a good thing going, and I don’t want to ruin it.”

“So, you’re just going to let him go?” Cadence asked. “You realize Twilight kinda likes him, too, right. If you aren’t going to go after him, I’ll have to tell her he’s fair game.”

“Wait, what?!” Celaeno stopped in her tracks, beak hanging open. “Is... is she trying-”

“No,” Cadence interrupted. “She’s not trying anything out of respect for you.”

“Really?” Celaeno looked back the way they came. “Wow... she really is a good pony.”

“She’s the Princess of Friendship for a reason,” Cadence said with a smile. “How about this. Take the night to think about it. You’re staying a few days, right?” Celaeno nodded. “Think about it. I’ll send dinner to your room, so you can have time to think to yourself, okay?”

Celaeno nodded. “Yeah. That sounds like a plan. I still to fill out a few requisition forms, so, I’ll have to talk to you later, okay.”

“Alright,” Cadence said, giving her friend a hug. “It’s good seeing you again. The others, too.”

“You, too.”

Celaeno sat at the desk in her room, pouring over maps and trying to decide where to go next. She had several possibilities, but wanted to talk it over with the crew before she decided. She always made it a point to hear out their ideas and thoughts.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.

“Come in!” she called.

The door opened and Ryan walked in, pushing a cart with a pair of serving trays on it.

“Room service,” he said in a cheesy attempt at a posh voice.

“It’s a little early for dinner, isn’t it?” she asked, slightly confused.

“It’s six,” Ryan replied with a chuckle.

“Really?” Celaeno looked at the clock, and sure enough it was. “Wow. Where’d the time go?”

“Out the window,” Ryan answered.

“Apparently. Why are there two?” She asked, though she had a good idea as to the answer.

“I figured I’d keep you company,” Ryan said, confirming her suspicion. “Oh, and Cadence also gave me this, to celebrate our victory.”

He pulled out a bottle of wine, and suddenly it all made sense.

That sneaky little princess. She planned this.

“You know what, heck with it. Come on in, and pop the cork.” Celaeno stood and followed Ryan to the suite’s little dining area.

Celaeno helped Ryan set the table before taking a seat across from him. Her meal was an old favorite of hers, a simple salad with grilled fruits and nuts, while Ryan indulged in a rare treat of steak and a large baked potato. Just like every other time they ate at the palace, it was divine.

The chatted about their days, Celaeno not contributing much as she’s had her beak buried in books and maps all day. Ryan, however, spent the day with Capper, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash.

“And I didn’t even know they were in town,” Celaeno said as she sipped at her wine.

“Neither did I,” Ryan said. “Apparently, Rainbow has a show tomorrow, and Pinkie’s here for her. Capper was easy enough to find. You know him.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Celaeno giggled.

Ryan looked up in faux shock. “W-was that a giggle?”

Celaeno’s eyes shot open and a blush shined through her feathers. “N-No, it was a chuckle.”

“No, that was a giggle,” said in a teasingly accusatory tone, “Just like that’s a blush.”

Celaeno quickly grabbed her wine and tried hiding behind a sip.

Ryan just rested his chin on his laced fingers and gave a cheeky grin, “You’re awfully cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Celaeno sputtered and choked a bit on the wine, gulping down more than she intended. Ryan could only laugh at her reaction.

“Don’t forget, I can still kick your rump up,” Celaeno reminded.

“Meh, it’s worth it,” Ryan said as he speared a bit of spud with his fork.

Celaeno looked down at her food, poking it in thought.

“Do you really think I’m cute?”

It was ryan’s turn to choke, but a quick pound on his chest sent the food down the right path.

“Wh-what?” Ryan managed. “Uh... I mean... Yeah, you can be kinda... cute.”

An awkward silence settled over them for several minutes until Celaeno finally mustered up the courage to say what she had wanted to say for months.

“Ryan...” She began, getting his attention. “What... How would you feel if I were to, hypothetically, tell you... that I... kinda have feelings for you.”

Ryan sat there, dumbfounded for nearly a minute, just trying to process what she said.

“You... like me?” He asked.

Celaeno opened her beak, about to deny it, say she was just kidding, anything, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to lie to him like that, so instead, she just cast her eyes downward and nodded.

Ryan sat back, brushing a hand through his hair. “I... I don’t really know what to say.”

Celaeno sighed, her body sagging along with her mood. “It’s okay. Just... forget I said anything.”

She stood up, heading toward the bedroom, but stopped. Without turning, she said, “I’m sorry. If you want to stay here, I’ll understand. I-”

She was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around her from behind.

“I said I didn’t know what to say,” Ryan reminded her, speaking softly into her ear. “But I’ve always been better with actions than words.”

Ryan’s lips pressed into her neck, eliciting a gasp from the captain.

He pulled away to say, “You’ve been there for me from the time I got to this crazy world. You gave me a job, a home, and more importantly, a family. How could I not feel the same way about you.”

“So much for not being good with words,” Celaeno joked.

“What can I say, you inspired me.” Ryan kissed her again.

She moaned quietly and reached a tallon up to caress his head. “Stay with me, tonight. Please.”

“I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” Ryan said, punctuating his words with light kisses. “I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands to myself.”

Celaeno turned her head to look him in the eyes. “Then don’t.”

Ryan wasted no time, attacking her throat, peppering it with kisses and nibbles as one hand reached behind her, unlacing her top. His kisses trailed down her neck to her shoulder as he peeled the fabric down her body, letting it drop to the floor.

As one hand brushed upward to caress the fluffy feathers of her chest, the other gilded downward into the waist of her pants. She moaned as his fingertips brushed her lips. She was getting wet fast.

“How long has it been?” Ryan asked, pushing her pants down.

“Too long,” Celaeno replied as her talon reached behind her, quickly undid his belt, and pulled out his hardened shaft, stroking it softly.

“Are you sure you want this?” Ryan asked.

She answered him by turning suddenly and pushing him onto the couch and straddling his waist.

“I need this.”

She lowered onto him, moaning as Ryan’s dick sank into her.

“Holy shit,” Ryan groaned. “That’s... That’s tight.”

Celaeno leaned in, “I’m glad you like it.” and pressed her beak to his lips.

Ryan grabbed her rump, kneading the supple flush and soft feathers as he helped lift her hips. They started slow and steady, adjusting to each other and savoring the feeling.

Celaeno adjusted herself, leaning back and placing her talons on his knees. She picked up speed, her breathing and moaning getting heavier.

Ryan moves his hands to her hips, one thumb massaging her clit as she rode him.

“I’m getting close,” Celaeno said.

“Already?”

Ryan, wanting to finish together, grabbed her waist and started slamming up into her.

“Oh my gosh!” Celaeno yelped at the unexpected move.

“Just... A bit... more,” Ryan groaned.

Celaeno squaked as her stomach tightened and bolts of electric bliss shot through her body. Ryan didn’t relent as he continued pounding her until Celaeno felt liquid warmth filling her.

“Fuck!” he cried out, pressing as deeply into her as he could.

Celaeno’s breath caught as the feeling of her orgasm and being filled again after so long was overwhelming.

Arms wrapped around her and pulled her into her lover’s tight embrace.

They laid there, holding one another for several long minutes, until long after Ryan’s softening penis fell out of her.

Finally, after a good ten minutes of savoring the moment, Celaeno finally spoke. “That was incredible.”

“Yeah,” Was all Ryan could say.

“I think maybe we should clean up,” Celaeno suggested.

“That might be a good idea,” Ryan agreed.

“Why don’t you clean up the table while I draw us a bath.”

Another minute goes by before Ryan said, “You gotta get up, first.”

Celaeno blushes a little. “Oh... Right. Yeah, that might help.”

“So...” Ryan said when she still didn’t move.

Finally, she musters the willpower to climb off of him. He stood up as soon as he was able and gave her another kiss.

“Hurry up, okay,” Celaeno said in a sultry tone as she turned and walked away, waving her tail at him, seductively.

She walked into the large bathroom and turned on the water. She took a seat on the stool by the tub to take off her crystal leg.

Ryan came in just as she was setting it down beside her, looking at it curiously.

“Manticore,” she answered the unspoken question. “Damn thing bit it clean off. Hurt like heck.”

“Sorry,” he said, looking away. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

“It’s alright,” Celaeno giggled. “Honestly, I’m surprised you never asked.”

“Didn’t want to be rude.”

“So you stared?”

“Touche.”

Ryan pulled off his shirt, the only bit of clothing that managed to stay on during their earlier romp, and got into the tub. Pony tubs were big enough to fit a whole family, so there was more than enough room for the two of them. Still, Celaeno ignored that fact and climbed into Ryan’s lap anyway.

She put her arms around his neck and leaned in for a quick kiss.

She took one of the bottles of soap labeled for skin and, after a quick test smell, poured some into her talon before applying it to her lover’s chest.

“Hurry up and wash me, too,” Celaeno said. “Feathers shouldn’t stay wet for long.”

Ryan chose a feather shampoo and mimicked Celaeno, massaging the soap into her feathers. His hands worked her chest, her arms, her back. No crevice was overlooked on either of their bodies.

Celaeno stroked his shaft. “You’re already hard again?”

“Well, it has been about half an hour,” Ryan replied.

“Human’s recover quick,” Celaeno said with a sultry smirk. “Why don’t we hurry up and dry off so we can take advantage of that?”

They stepped out of the tub, still caressing each other. The runes on the floor lit up and the water clinging to their bodies lifted off them in beads before evaporating.

Celaeno grabbed her crystal leg and started hopping toward the door. She didn’t get far before Ryan grabbed her from behind and carried her out the door.

Celaeno squaked at the suddenness as she found herself being swept into the bedroom and placed gently on the bed.

She groaned in pleasure as Ryan leaned over her, pressing his hands into her feathers and massaging her back.

Ryan’s hands slid around her waist, pulled her to her knees and slid inside her. He started slow and quickly built a steady rhythm, taking his time.

“Hey,” Celaeno growled, looking back at him over her shoulder. “Enough with the slow crap. Pound me like a pirate.”

Ryan grinned. “Ay, Captain.”

He tightened his grip on her hips and slammed forward, getting a squawk from Celaeno.

“That’s better,” Celaeno moaned.

The sound of flesh slapping together and the moans and grunts of the lovers filled the room along with the smell of sex.

Ryan moved his hands up, pulling her up to lock his lips onto her beak and dig his fingers into her chest feathers. She may not have had tits, but he still loves the soft floof of her chest.

Celaeno had to admit, she liked having her chest feathers ruffled, too. It wasn’t something any of her previous lovers had done, but then, Ryan was already a far better lover than any of them. Of course, the others were usually just a quick lay. She had always heard it was better with someone you actually loved. Seemed it was true.

The feeling of Ryan’s dick tunneling inside her was better than anything she had felt before. All too soon, she felt her peak approaching quickly. Ryan must have sensed this as he picked up his pace.

As the first jolt of orgasm hit her, Ryan erupted inside her, filling her with warmth as waves of pleasure shook her to the core. Her lover gripped her tight as he continued to paint her inner walls.

Slowly, Ryan lowered her to the bed again, laying beside her, still connected.

As she felt herself slipping away, she heard Ryan utter, “I love you, Cel.”

The next morning found Ryan and Celaeno running a little late as they entered the dining hall. The princesses were already there, as was their crew and even Capper decided to grace their presence.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” Capper said with a grin. “What kept you two?”

“Yes, Captain,” Cadence said, with a knowing smirk. “What did keep you?”

Celaeno gave the pink princess a calculating glare. “I have a feeling you already know, Cadence. In fact, I’m guessing you planned everything.”

“Why, whatever do you mean,” Cadence replied in mock innocence. “All I did was convince you to eat dinner in your suite, and had Ryan take it too you and keep you company. Whatever happened after that is all you.”

“Cap’n,” her first mate said giving them a curious look. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

Celaeno cleared her throat, blushing slightly. “You could say that. Ryan and I... well...”

“You finally hooked up, did ‘ya,” Mullet more stated than asked.

“Wait, I thought they were already a thing,” Boyle asked, genuinely surprised.

Cadence laughed, getting up and wrapping Celaeno in her magic. “Girl’s day out! We’re getting makeovers and you’re telling me all about it. I want details!”

Ryan laughed as his new girlfriend was kidnapped by royalty.

“Wait a minute,” Spittle said. “I’m a girl. I wanna go.”

Mullet looked at the ship’s cook in surprise. “You’re a girl?”