Glimmer Fortress

by Hclegend

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Starlight Glimmer, Equestria Girls, Team Fortress, Comedy, Profanity, Crossover
Length: 13668

Starlight Glimmer is transported into the Team Fortress universe.

A freak accident causes Starlight to be transported to a world of mercenaries, murder and madness. Join Starlight as she goes from reformed villain to a killing machine. Fun for the whole family!

Published 2018-02-05 00:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-01 11:14:48 UTC

A New World, A Familiar Form

It was a perfectly ordinary day. And not "ordinary" in the "ordinary for Ponyville" way, no no. I mean actually ordinary for once. It was absolute purgatory for one Starlight Glimmer. Her friends were off, gallivanting about with random nonsense such as friendship and whatnot. And this was rather unacceptable. Mostly because now she was bored as Tartarus and needed SOMETHING to do to prevent madness from setting in again.

That poor clerk pony didn't sleep for a week.

"I suppose that I could visit Sunset Shimmer." Starlight pondered to herself, laid in bed, alone. Again. Trixie was too busy being all platonic to ravish her in the ways that stallions couldn't.

... Okay maybe a cold shower first.

A plan of action established, Starlight was preparing her belongings to take with her to the human world. For some reason, despite getting clothes (And a freaking BEANIE), the portal never provided her with a backpack to store stuff in. This time, she would be prepared.

"Okay, so there's some books, a photo of Trixie, some flowers for Sunset (Or a quick snack, either or), another photo of Trixie, a kite, some bits, ANOTHER photo of Trixie...

"Hmm, maybe that's a bit too risque for Sunset." Starlight thought aloud again, before placing the inappropriate picture of Trixie in socks (!!!!) back in her drawer before locking it tight. She didn't need another talk with Twilight about "inappropriate imagery."

Poor Spike didn't sleep for two weeks.

Still, most of this ~~garbage~~ stuff she was packing in was mostly to do an experiment with. After all, if she gains a human form when she goes to Canterlot High, would her stuff become "humanified" too?

That and she was bored enough to try it;. Maybe something wacky would happen, like staying as a pony in the human world, or death, or maybe going to a different universe and becoming a foal again.

Or you know, nothing. That could work too. Might as well try. Stepping into the mirror room, the imposing mirror that the room was named after, Starlight shivered a bit. Crystals don't keep heat in well.

The only sounds around were Starlight's heavy breathing and her clopping of her hooves upon the floor. Gave plenty of thinking room for paranoia-filled thoughts. Still better than thinking of Trixie in socks... No, one cold shower is enough for today.

Starlight stared at the mirror portal. It was imposing. Tall. Shiny. Sticking a hoof out to touch it, the portal rippled in response. Taking a deep breath, Starlight trotted in and went to experience the sensation of becoming a different species.

Normally, this would end with Starlight ending up near Canterlot High, as a purple-hued human with a jacket, shirt, jeans and a beanie. Sadly for Starlight, something was wrong with the mirror that day. You see, as a funny prank, Rainbow Dash flipped the book that powers the portal in order to mess with whoever went through the portal next. Of course, everyone knows that messing with dimensional portal books is a bad idea.

Rainbow Dash was never a thinker.

Starlight's body twisted and turned as she transformed back into her biped human form, but something was "off." Not even the fact that her skin wasn't the same shade as her coat, either. The directions she was being twisted in felt different. It was already bad enough the first time she went through the process, now the lurches are new and scary.

Soon enough however, Starlight was dumped off head first and the portal closed behind her, leaving her trapped within this new location.

Several minutes went by, as Starlight recovered from her sudden bout of head trauma, but eventually she managed to get up from the rough stone floor, she took a look around. It was rather barren, with two tunnels with shallow water leading out, with some stairs into it. There was also two boxes. One was some medical supplies, the other had a strange logo on it.

Still, Starlight had saddlebags full of ~~stuff~~ garbage to science with, she might as well check that out. Noting that it had transformed into a ebony backpack bearing her cutiemark, she opened it up using her dainty, white girl hands, she began to dig around to see what else had changed.

The books had remained largely the same, but with certain words being exchanged for others. the flowers was replaced by a bottle of pills (for SOME reason) and the pictures of Trixie...

Oh. Not only were they of Trixie's human counterpart, they were far, far more risque than the one of Trixie in socks ever was. Sweet Celestia, she could be JAILED for this! Quickly placing them back into the bottom of the bag, Starlight made SURE to hide them. You never know when those could come in handy.

Feeling around some more, she touched something metallic and cold. She didn't bring anything that could be metal, so...

Pulling it out revealed a metallic grey object. The design was simplistic, with only a few notches to ensure maximum efficiency in being built.

It was a pistol.

"Huh. I mean, Sunset had one of these, but I don't recall putting in anything like this." Still, she had a way to defend herself in a magicless world. Now to get that medkit before she collapsed. Dragging herself to the kit, she opened it to find various medical goods, such as needles, pills, bandages, and many more things.

Taking a bandage, she placed it around the aching part of her head, ensuring it was wrapped around to ensure it stayed on. Gotta stay safe in this new and scary world. Moving on to the box, she opened it to find various small objects shaped like the ones depicted on the box. Ammunition. Taking a few magazines for her pistol and placing them in her bag, Starlight was finally ready to move on. Taking a look at her two paths, she sighed. There was boot high water all over the damn floor. And the exits were round. She was bad enough at walking as it was, so having a curved, slippery floor was going to be fun. Taking steps toward the water soaked floor, the water shifted to match the current position of her legs.

Looking towards the left, the tunnel went for a few meters before turning. No idea what could be behind there. Looking forward however, showed a nice, straight tunnel leading to some stairs. An exit!

Walking forward, she noted that the pipes that made up this tunnel weren't that old at all. Maybe it was a recent construction? These thoughts occupied her mind before she bumped into someone.

Starlight fell onto her behind, as the man she bumped into turned around. He was wearing some sort of crash helmet with goggles, with a casual jacket around his torso and some combat trousers covering his legs. And for some reason, most of it was a light blue.

The strange man pulled out a shotgun adorned with a pattern of autumn leaves and pointed it towards Starlight.

And she had her pistol in her backpack too. Damn.

Author's Note

Guess the map, win a prize. I'll give you a hint: It's not Hightower.

Story will pick up next time.

How To Win Friends And Not Get Shot

"What are ya, freakin' stupid?" The lanky-bean pole of a man asked Starlight, scattergun still pointed at her, ready to shoot her at any point.

What's worse, being on the floor like this was making her pants wet. This was arguably worse than imminent death. Still, some dignity in death would be nice.

"No, but I don't believe we've met, sir." Starlight said in her most understanding, public-relations voice. "Now if you could point your gun away from me, maybe we can start conversing like adults..."

Starlight noticed the man's eyebrow rise from behind the goggles. He lowered the weapon and held out a hand to help get her up. The guy had a surprising amount of strength for being a lanky-bean pole of a man, and after an awkward moment, the two were at near enough eye level.

"Hey, baby. Sorry for scaring you. Name's Scout. Highly trained killing machine. Guns of STEEL!" he said before flexing to show off his alleged muscles. Starlight raised an eyebrow at this display of strength.

"Right. So first of all, not into guys. Maybe it was because the last guy I was with abandoned me when he got his cutiemark, then I went full evil for about a decade before breaking time and reforming... Maybe it's because you were aiming at me a few moments ago... Maybe it's because I don't like you."

"I regret not shooting you already. I suppose since you're wearing blue," Scout pointed to Starlight's teal shirt. "That you're not part of the RED scum. Or are you a RED Spy?"

Starlight narrowed her eyes. "I've been in this world for 5 minutes and I have zero idea what you are on about, Scout. But I do know one thing."

"And that is?"

"I hate this damn dingy tunnel and I want out."

Scout slapped his goggles. He would have hit his forehead if it wasn't blocked by the goggles. "RIght, sorry. Kinda get used to being in dingy tunnels when ya scout for sentry nests on a daily basis. Come on, I'll get ya back to base and see if our Medic can't fix you up." he finished, before pointing in the direction of the stairwell that Starlight had been going for originally before this incident occurred. Still, it was nice to know that she wasn't going to die horribly, even if her pants were ruined.

The sound of decloaking echoed through the deserted sewer as a man covered head to toe in red appeared out of seemingly thin air. He had been keeping an eye on the sewers for RED's next advance towards the BLUs before she came along. This would certainly throw a wrench into their plans, but it would also make things more interesting.

Taking a cigarette from a case, he placed it in his mouth before it lit itself.

"I'm sure RED would be very interested in this development..."

"Ok, so WHY do you use a fish as a melee weapon?" Starlight asked, confused about the Scout's choice in melee combat.

"Well I mean, it's a fish. It's hella embarrassing for the poor shmuck I smack with it, ya know?" Scout explained, as they both finally exited the damp tunnel and started up the stairs.

"How is it embarrassing for the other guy if he pulls out a knife or a bat or whatever and just hits you harder?" Starlight retorted.

"Uh well, ya see... Oh hey, we're here!" Scout stopped that train of thought as they came across a large, rather hastily put together door blocking their path. Despite how shoddy it looked, it seemed like it had survived quite the beating from various sources, with some bullet holes and scorch marks peppered around the door and nearby walls. There was also a small, letterbox-sized panel in the middle, for some reason.

"Scout, this is a door."

"Glimmer my dear, this is more than a door. It's the entrance to the BLU base of operations." Scout replied, before knocking upon it.

The middle panel slid open, revealing a beard. "Password, maggot."

"Aw come on Solider, I've been gone 5 minutes and I brought a new recruit. Granted, I was supposed to check for a sentry nest, but I can do that later..."

"Password, maggot. Otherwise you could be a Spy." The gruff voice replied, not budging an inch.

Scout sighed. "Scout forgot the last password and so he is a moron."

The panel closed. A moment later, the entire door swung open towards the pair, revealing the body that the beard belonged to. While the beard was a rather generic shade of brown, every other inch of his body was covered in blue clothing. A blue hat sat upon his head that radiated importance, while his torso was wrapped in an outfit you'd expect some sort of diplomat to wear, complete with large circles upon the shoulders and other fancy markings. He also had a pair of grenades strapped to a belt to his chest, for some reason.

"Welcome back, Scout. I see that your scouting mission went well... Although I don't think I asked you for new recruits."

"Ya didn't. I just found this poor chick in the sewers by herself. She piratically begged me to bring me with her, and being the lovely gentleman I am-"

Scout was interrupted by an elbow to his chest, provided by the "poor chick" he had "brought with him".

"Sorry about that, but he was speaking nonsense." Starlight apologised to the large, important looking man in front of her.

Solider just nodded in response. "You are pardoned. Scout tends to big himself up a bit, so a bit of assault occasionally is encouraged to keep his ego in check. Scout, go on in."

Scout wheezed in response, before walking past the door and promptly collapsing.

"He'll be fine."

"He always is." Solider now stepped forward and gave Starlight a proper look up and down. "Now we move onto you, miss?"

"Starlight Glimmer."

"I see, I see." He pondered, as he stroked his magnificent beard in thought. "I assume by your getup that you wish to join our side in this war?"

"War?" Starlight looked shocked. She didn't want to be part of a war!

"Hmm, I see. Not the gun-toting type, I guess?" Solider prodded. "Not every merc here is a killing machine. Or Scout. We have espionage, medical staff, an engineer..."

"Well, I suppose that wars are won in the back lines too. Plus I'd probably be safer with the group of strangers I met 5 minutes ago, rather in that dingy sewer just downstairs."

Starlight could barely notice his smile underneath the mass of beard and moustache. "Good choice. And I'm not just saying that because we could use more hands around here."

Starlight cracked a smile too. "I suppose that I could hurt Scout more too. That's always fun."

Solider put a hand on Starlight's shoulder. "Welcome to BLU, my friend. You'll fit right in."

Author's Note

I realize now that my description of the mercs isn't going to be the best. So I'll provide some visual aids as each Blu member comes up. (Plus you can see what cosmetics I use.)

Scout

Solider

Medical Mystery Tour

Stepping into the building, Starlight immediately noticed one thing. Whoever built this place must have been both talented and pressured to build it within such a short timeframe, because while there was some debris lying around, for the most part the building looked fantastic for being in a warzone. The walls were covered in wiring and blue paint, with the occasional scuff mark from a previous battle intersparsed around piles of hay (yum!) and various crates and barrels. It was strangely homely for a place she had never been in before and that was weird.

Still, there were more important things than architecture and in her haste to give this place a proper look around, Solider had already gotten ahead of her. Quickening her pace a little, Starlight noticed two diverging paths heading left and right. She couldn't really see much aside from that, due to time, so she'd have to look around later after being formally introduced.

"As you can see, we don't have much, but we make do." Solider started, unaware that Starlight was slightly behind him. "That's our job as mercenaries, after all - Getting stuff done with minimum cost is essential to keeping our heads above water financially."

Starlight's face contorted in worry "Doesn't exactly sound like paradise, from the sound of things."

Solider gave off a hearty laugh, letting his beard bounce around his face. "Ah, but I wouldn't have it any other way, Starlight."

The sunlight hit Starlight's eyes, as they entered a large square exposed to the elements. Luckily it was sunny. Two pairs of wooden stairs led up to the first floor of the fortress. A large mechanical device sat near one of the corners of the square, rotating and beeping. It was a very foreign concept to Starlight, as weapons technology was pretty out of her league even with her time in Canterlot High.

Noticing Starlight's concern, Solider placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, that Sentry there is only for the Reds. As long as you're not wearing any, you'll be fine.

Starlight's hand formed under her chin. "That's an interesting piece of technology, though. Color based targeting? Never seen anything like it."

"Our Engineer is quite the mechanic. We'll meet him soon enough, though I can't imagine why he's not near the sentry. Not like him." Solider mused, before shaking his head and beckoning Starlight to the left set of stairs. "Although if you think that's impressive, you should see the other stuff he's made."

Starlight cautiously tred up the stairs to the second floor of the square, before noticing that there was a doorway right next to her, that Solider had already gone through.

Walking through,. she marvelled at the quaint yet functional room laid before her. More piles of hay served as meagre decoration, as the rust covered supports sparkled in the noon sun. A large pair of wooden doors was covered with a padlock to her left, while there was exits all around her. Most interesting of these was the one with the large "INTELLIGENCE" sign on it, which piqued her curiosity.

"Intelligence?" She murmered to herself, seeming to taste the word in her mouth, basking in it's flavor.

"It is our job to ensure that the intelligence briefcase does not fall into REDs hands." Solider informed, while visibly cringing at the word "RED" like it was some curse word. Walking towards the doors, he pulled out a key and unlocked it, before opening it to reveal a storeroom for weapons. Pulling a shotgun out, her then closed it before handing it to Starlight. "And this is now your responsibility too. Welcome to the BLU team."

Starlight felt the smooth curvature of the shotgun on her hands. It felt worn, but still very reliable. The cold metal almost shocked her as she tossed it around in her hands, looking curiously at the death dealing device. "A bit soon to be trusting me with a gun, isn't it?"

Solider gave out a hearty laugh, making his beard bounce around once again. He seemed to like doing that. "Nonsense my dear. This is standard issue Teufort gear. What do you expect me to give you, a rocket launcher? A flamethrower? A MACKEREL?

The large grarage-like door behind them suddenly slammed open, revealing Scout and another man behind him. The man was using a strange device that was emitting... Well, it reminded Starlight of her own magic, but from the looks of things, it was healing Scout from her earlier elbow. "Okay, it's one thing to elbow me in the stomach after sparing you, it's another to diss a mans fish! Do you want to go, Starlight?"

Starlight, who at this point was terrified by both the sudden intrusion and the threat, did the most sensible thing she could do.

She shot Scout in the stomach. Scout fell over in pain, as the man who was apparently healing him continued.

"Scout, you vouldn't be seeing me so often if you weren't such an asshole." the man spoke, with a distinct accent. His face was mostly hidden by a strange mask, and his eyes being replaced by soul-piercing cybernetics. One of the many holes in the mask (Which was probably there to allow the man to breathe) had a strange mechanical pipe sticking out of it. Whether this was for decoration or if it was to help him breathe was a mystery.

Turning to Starlight, he gasped. "Mein Fraulein! I did not notice you there. My apologies, miss..."

"Starlight Glimmer. I assume Scout already told you what happened?"

The accented man laughed. "Ja. Don't vorry about him. Despite appearances, he's still a tough merc. He just steps over his bounds sometimes and gets punished for being cocky." he said, kicking him for emphasis. "Anyway, I'm ze Medic. Nice to meet you." he said, holding out a gloved hand to let Starlight shake. it felt weird to shake, but Starlight figured that as a field doctor, it'd just be easier to have his stuff on him in the heat of battle.

Actually...

"What's that device you have that's healing Scout of my uh... accidental friendly fire?" Starlight asked curiously. After all, if it was healing Scout's grievous stomach wound (Which was now getting to the point where the blood started disappearing), surely a simple head bonk would be no issue.

If the Medic had eyebrows, they would have gone up in surprise. "Ah, zis!" he said, pulling it up for emphasis. He seemed to like doing that. "Is ze Medi-Gun! My own creation that supercharges healing! No more removing bullets one at a time! Just stick healing energy into them and zey'll be back in ze fight in no time!"

Starlight was genuinely intrigued by this point. Technology like this could save thousands of lives in Equestria! "How does it work?"

Medic stopped healing, pulling the lever on the Medi-Gun back and stopping the flow of power to the Scout, who had been fully healed of both his injuries at this point and getting up to leave. "Mein Fraulein, I mean no offence vhen i say this... But it is beyond most people's comprehension. Plus, ze last time I explained it in detail, suddenly the Red team has an exact duplicate of MY creation, just with zat filthy German bastard's fingerprints all over it!" he yelled, before punching a wall with an audible crack. He then sat down, used one of his legs to point the Medi-Gun to himself and used the free hand to turn it back on, miraculously healing his hand within seconds. "Sorry about zat. But with ze cloning technology, among all the other technology me and Engineer helped create being mass produced for both us and ze Reds... Well, Mann Co know how to steal a guy's patents, haha." he finished, placing the Medi-Gun down, along with the part attached to his back.

Starlight sat down next to him ,putting a hand on his shoulder. "That's a real shame to hear, Med. But what was that about cloning technology/"

Medic dismissively waved using the hand he healed just seconds ago. "Oh, ze cloning technology is more Engi's thing. I just provided the DNA samples for each of us. You know, being able to come back from ze dead is a great trait to have."

Starlight just looked on at the Medic. Coming back from the dead? Cloning? Healing guns?

This place was getting more and more crazy by the second.

The scary part was that she was starting to get a feel for it.

Author's Note

I intended this to be a meeting of the rest of the members of Blu, but honestly the meeting with the Medic took up enough time as it was.

I'll try to speed it up next time though. Gotta get a feel for 2Fort first. :twilightsheepish:

Medic

First Blood

With that chilling thought settled within her mind, Starlight started to get up, before being stopped by the Medic. "Uh, is zat bandage supposed to be zhere?" He asked quizzically. She had forgotten about it, somehow.

"No, actually. Could you-" Starlight was interrupted by the flow of the Medi-Beam entering her body. It was relaxing, like bathing in a river of magic. Before she knew it, her head trauma was gone and she was whisked back into the real world. "Woah."

"Everyone has zat reaction the first time, haha. You get used to it." Medic said cheerfully, before waving Starlight off as she left. "Bye Mien Fraulein! Don't get into any more accidents!"

The grate door shut behind Starlight, leaving her alone in the base. Well, she still had her shotgun, at least. She could probably do some recon while getting a feel for the base.

Heading to her immedieate left, she once again walked out into the sunshine. Large battlements surrounded her immediate view before the walls to her left stopped, allowing her to see the area in it's entirety.

Below her lay a rickety bridge with a roof above it, notably missing several panels on both parts of it. Below that was a river, presumably leading to the sewers where she'd started off. Most interesting of all though, was the structure in front of her. It was an exact duplicate of the base she was in, just painted red and slightly more wooden-looking.

Before too long however, she felt the redness encapsulate her entire vision. In this haze of vision, she swore she saw some red and yellow that looked vaguely familiar.

All this before she was tackled to the ground, away from the sightline by a mysterious entity.

"The bloody hell are ya doin' mate? You tryin' to shed some weight off of that neck?" he yelled. Starlight blinked for a few moments, trying to get her vision back in focus before getting up, slightly dazed but otherwise uninjured.

Her mysterious savior then revealed themselves. In comparison to Medic and Solider, he looked positively ordinary, with a simple getup of a jacket (that was oddly similar to her own a few details aside), camouflage pants that were panted blue, fingerless gloves and a hat that looked like the ones she saw while in Manehatten on the police officers.

"Uh, sorry about that. I'm new around here, and I was shocked to see that the Reds have the same sorta base of operations, then there was this red glare in my eyes..."

The man's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry mate! Usually people know better than to stand still on the battlements, due to their wanker of a Sniper. I'm Sniper, by the way." He held out a hand to shake Starlight's with, before continuing. "That red glare was probably the cunt's sight, dunno why he hesitated though. He's usually quite merciless when it comes to headshots."

Now it was Starlight's turn to be surprised. "Oh! Well then, I nearly died. Thanks for saving me, Sniper."

A thumbs up flashed, along with a grin. "No worries mate, now excuse me, I need to show that wanker how to snipe!" he said excitedly before running back into the line of sight and scoping in. Starlight got up and left, shotgun in tow.

Arriving back in the main hub, she considered her options. While going forward would seem like a good idea, it was probably just another way to get into the hallway she entered from. Not useful. That left the right way that she hadn't taken yet.

Passing by a small ammunition crate, she picked some shotgun shells up and placed them in her backpack (Which was miraculously still on her back.) and a small bandage to cover up the graze she got from being tackled, before realising the large steel door in front of her was closed, with a small intercom to the side. Pushing into it, a gruff, distinct voice was on the other end, slightly muffed by static.

"Who is this?" he demanded. "I'm workin' on the respawn machine for the new recruit. I gave explicit orders NOT to be disturbed!"

"Uhh, it's the new recruit, Starlight Glimmer. I just wanted to get a feel for the base, but I'll come back later-"

"Oh." the voice replied. "Sorry, I should have known that you would have wanted to come down here. Texan instinct to keep everythin' locked tight. It'll open in a sec. See ya down there, Starlight."

The voice reminded her of Applejack for some reason. And as he said, the door opened without any trouble, revealing a hallway with a left turn in it. And then another. Then another. After that, the spiral stopped to reveal a large room, with the centrepiece being the massive computer in the middle of it. It also looked far less cobbled together than the rest of the base, implying that the rest was just a front for this area. Walking past the health kit and ammunition pack, she was faced with another two hallways. Deciding to take the left one, she walked down it, noticing that there was a large room that had nobody in it to her left, along with a map of (Presumably) the world, with circles in various locations.

Honestly, she had no idea what this was. Shrugging, she hit a room with a large B in it. This B was the logo of...

"Builders League United... That spells BLU?"

"Yup little miss." The voice from before spoke, startling her. Turning to her right, she saw a relatively stout man, with a hat that screamed "crazy hobo", a beard suspiciously similar to the one Solider had and a cross-stitched shirt that looked like something someone in their late 50s would wear. Despite this very odd and scary combination of items, the vibe she got from him was still at the very least, relatively friendly.

"Howdy."

"Howdy pard'ner!" Starlight greeted, doing a terrible impression of the man's accent.

"I'm the Engineer. Or Engi, I don't mind either. I assume you're the new meat, then?" Engineer asked, ignoring the offensive accent Starlight had attempted to portray and continuing to tinker with a strange device.

"Yeah. I kinda got bored of wandering and nearly got shot by a sniper, so I thought I'd come down here and see what you're doing."

"Well," Engineer stood back, letting Starlight look at the device. "I'm just makin' some adjustments to the Deoxyribonucleic Incubation and Cloning Kontainer." He said with a flourish. Honestly, it looked the same as the other stuff outside of the room, but technology all looked the same to Starlight. "I still need to do a few adjustments, but feel free to stay down here."

Starlight nodded before looking at the desk across the room. A blue briefcase was sat there, waiting...

"Hey Engi, do you know what's in that briefcase?"

"We're just paid to protect it, Starlight. None of us has ever bothered to open it up. I think it'd break contract." Engi replied, half-distracted by his work.

"Hey guys!" Scout appeared seemingly out of nowhere, scaring the pair.

"Scout, never do that again." Starlight said. "Otherwise I'd have to shoot you in the face."

Scout laughed, but it seemed off somehow. Starlight glanced over Scout. Everything seemed to be in order. The helmet, jacket and pants, the baseball bat, the customized scattergun...

"Hey Scout... I thought you used a mackeral." Starlight noted suspiciously.

"Oh please lady, you'd think I'd use some smelly old fish?" Scout replied, eyes darting around. Engineer was still distracted, tinkering away. Starlight cocked her shotgun.

"Who are you?" Starlight demanded.

Her question was answered by a knife to her left arm, revealing the Scout to be a RED Spy. Wincing in pain, Starlight's adreniline allowed her to shoot the Spy in the knee, imobilizing him.

"Now listen here, you RED piece of garbage." Starlight started to rant, pulling the knife out of her arm using her free hand. "You may have tricked me this time, but next time I see you sneaking around, I won't hesitate to destroy you."

The Spy laughed. "Oh yes, I'm so scared of a high school girl. What are you going to do, send me mean messages on social media?"

Starlight replied by shooting him in the face, causing his head to explode spectacularly, and his limp body to fall over backwards.

"Starlight, you alright?" Engineer asked, heading to an intercom similar to the one she found upstairs. "Medic, we need you ASAP! Starlight was stabbed by an enemy Spy, and I don't have the D.I.C.K. ready for her!"

Even though her arm was bleeding everywhere and she was in a lot of pain, Starlight struggled to contain her laughter. "I can't believe you named it that."

Engineer shrugged. "Well, it was Mr Hale's idea..."

Spy respawned. The plan went as well as expected. Get the new blood's attention, stab her in order to get some blood on his knife, then die. Taking the knife out of his pocket, he examined the blood stain. It was still fresh.

Walking out of spawn, the RED Engineer and Medic were wating for him.

"So? How'd it go?" Engineer asked.

Flashing his knife, Spy smiled. "Flawlessly. Now we'll see where this Starlight Glimmer came from and see if we can... Even the odds a little." Before the free laughed darkly.

Author's Note

Sorry this took a while, but I was getting tired of writing a description of each merc. I think I'll slow down on the introductions and kick off the actual story.

Also, RED team have their default look from the game. Mostly because they're just the enemy. That and I'm already having a hell of a time describing the BLUs.

Sniper

Engineer

Operation Teufort

BLU were all gatehred in the Intel room, all regailing in the tale of Starlight being shivved in the arm by the RED Spy.

"Honestly Starlight, can't believe that Spy disguised himself as me, Musta been the lack of handsomeness that tipped you off, eh?" Scout jokingly asked, being on the opposite end of Starlight so he couldn't be punched in the stomach.

"It was the lack of a mackeral, actually. Stll though, why didn't he stab me in the back when he had the chance?" Starlight pondered.

"While normally I would chalk it up to Red's clear lack of competence, I don't it's the case for their Spy." The BLU Spy, decked out in a classic noir detective outfit, answered. "We don't know what repercussions will become of this."

"I say we strike." the largest man in the room gruffly stated. He was wearing a jacket with a fist emblem proudly upon it, and a classic buzzcut hairstyle with sunglasses. Also he had camouflage patterned pants on for some reason. "They'll be too busy planning to anticipate an assault. Plus they know of Starlight now, they could use this against us."

"Sound reasoning, Heavy." Solider replied. "Alright, here's the plan. Medic, Heavy and Demoman, you take the front entrance and cause a distraction. Scout and Starlight, you two go on ahead and report on any strange goings on. You all have your radios, correct?"

A resounding "Yes!" filled the room.

"Then we're ready. Let's go!"

"Come on Engineer, we don't have much time!" Scout said impatiently. "Those BLU idiots will attack us at any minute!"

Engineer sighed in frustration. Reverse engineering a portal based on some blood was really taking a toll. He was about to reply when it opened up.

A teenage girl stepped through, confused.

"Hey, do you know a person named Starlight Glimmer?"

Starlight watched as the Demoman, garbed in blastproof armor head to toe, fired several spiked bombs that stuck to the locked entrance of the RED base. Without saying a word, he stepped back onto the rickety old wooden bridge that connected the two bases, and detonated them, causing a large explosion that shook the landscape.

"Aight, that's my job done, time ta drink!" He slurred in his Scotish accent before pulling a bottle of whiskey out of nowhere and drinking it THROUGH his mask... somehow.

Starlight and Scout were already in the base, running down the hallway when the RED Scout popped out.

BAM! Scattergun to the leg, as he collapses in pain! CRACK! Starlight mercilessly kneeing him in the face, knocking him out cold. SLAP! As the two high-fived.

"Not bad, Starlight. But let me show you how a real man does it." he boasted, before both lanky mercernaries scaled the stairs, in the path of a strange masked man, covered in Red.

"Uhhh." Starlight stared.

"Run." Scout said timidly, all confidence being drained as they ran back out of the spawn room before a similar masked person, garbed in blue and wearing a fireman's outfit with a mask that looked like it had been taken from a fumigator showed up and blasted the red garbed psycho path with a puff of air from their flamethrower (Which had a head of a robot dangling from the bottom of it.), before shooting the pair a thumbs up and mumbling something incomprehensible. They then ran off after the other Pyro, muffled screams of pain coming from around the corner.

"Well then." Starlight stated, unsure of what to say. "That happened."

"Yeah." Solider's voice piqued their interest as they turned around. Sadly, he was the RED one and he was holding a shotgun, primed to fire it at them. "Surrender now maggots and you will be harmed!"

"Isn't it supposed to be an "not" in there?" Scout asked.

Solider shrugged. The sound of a minigun spinning up alerted the three, before Solider was filled with a hail of bullets. Below the walkways was the BLU Heavy, with the masked Medic right behind him. From the looks of things, they had been through some trouble themselves. Heavy's various bullet wounds were disappearing at a steady rate, though.

"Ah, Starlight! How's ze wound healing up?" Medic asked, as innocent as if asking how the weather was,

Starlight took a look at her left arm. There was a wound there, but it was shrinking. "Eh, alright."

Medic shot a thumbs up. "Now go! We'll hold zem off until you grab their intelligence!" Medic commanded politely, while Heavy still had his minigun spun up, ready to fire at a moment's notice.

The pair sprinted down the stairs leading to the RED basement. As they reached the hallway, Scout cupped his ear. "Huh, no sentry? Usually there's a sen-"

This line of thought was cut off, as the RED Spy stabbed him in the back, causing him to collapse to the ground in agony. "Once again, your arrogance is only matched by your stupidity." He spat venomously before turning to Starlight with a sadistic grin. "Now for you, mon chere."

He was rewarded with a fish to the back of the head, which distracted him long enough for Starlight to grab Scout's autumn patterned Scattergun and aim straight for his back, causing every single pellet to dig right into his back, making him collapse in pain and agony, just like Scout did.

With the way clear, Starlight could now see her saviour. A young woman with a similar design as her, with a long blouse adorned with a jacket, and streaky red and orange hair.

It was none other than Sunset Shimmer.

"Hi."

"Hey." Starlight meekly replied, before heading into the RED Intelligence room for real, her human friend in tow.

"So, I've been in this world for 5 minutes. Is there a reason why everyone in red clothing is a psychopath?" Sunset questioned.

Starlight gave a shrug. "Honestly, this world is weird. The guys on BLU are pretty alright though."

"Yeah, I saw this big guy and asked him where you were and he pointed to here. Didn't even ask me if I was a friend or not, since he was too busy shooting a slightly smaller guy in a helmet?" Sunset admitted. "Again, very confused."

"It's alright. Being a mercenary is fun, actually. You get to meet nice people before shooting them in the face!"

Starlight picked up the intelligence briefcase and alarms went off. "Enough chit-chat!" She reached into her backpack and tossed Sunset the pistol that had mysteriously appeared in her backpack when she first arrived. "Take this, shoot any guys dressed in red and have fun!" before taking off,

"Huh, this reminds me of the pistol I had at home." Sunset pondered for a moment. She then followed suit.

Spy respawned. He found Engineer and Medic waiting for him, again. The alarms were ringing and the screams of dying men echoed beyond the entrance to the spawn room.

"Well, I didn't expect that." He noted bitterly. Engineer just had his head in his hands.

"How was I supposed to know they were friends? As soon I gave her a gun, she turned around and shot me point blank with it."

"Honestly, maybe we should have lied about ze whole murder thing and just ask her to defend our intellegence." Medic forlornly said, thoroughly dazed after Sunset beat him to death with the shotgun when it ran out of ammunition.

"Well, this was a huge waste of my time." Spy noted, placing a cigarette in his mouth which ignited itself. "It's time for Plan G, I feel..."

Author's Note

Oooh, stuff's heating up now! We got Sunset joining Starlight in her mass murder adventure, finally some battling between RED and BLU and some intrigue into why Spy did what he did in the first place. But what is Plan G? Will Starlight and Sunset be able to capture the intelligence? Will Sunset find the NSFW pictures of Trixie?

All this and more on the next episode of DRAGON BALL Z!... I mean GLIMMER FORTRESS!

Spy

Heavy

Demoman

Pyro

The Traitor's Fee

The pair of cross-dimensional travellers exited the RED base, sunlight hitting their eyes as Starlight's prize glinted in the sun. After a brief moment of regaining composure, Sunset spoke.

"So yeah, that's how I once again, saved Canterlot High from a big bad villain."

"Weak-ass villain." Starlight replied scornfully.

"E-excuse me?" Sunset stuttered in surprise, stopping on the bridge. It groaned slightly.

Starlight turned around. "Well, this "Wallflower Blush" person complained about not being noticed, right?"

"Right." Sunset replied, as both started crossing the bridge again.

"So instead of say, making friends or whatever, she continuously wipes the memory of herself to everyone using this "Memory Stone" thing?" Starlight asked.

"Uh... I mean, it probably didn't help her self-esteem, but-"

Sunset's reply was cut off the sound of a jar breaking behind them. Followed by them both being covered in urine.

"Ew." both teenagers said simultaneously, as they turned around to find the RED Sniper with a large blade out.

"Come on mates! Have you never been covered in someone's piss before?"

Sunset simply took out her pistol and put a bullet in the bushman's head. "Anyway..."

"Sunset, if I ever meet Wallflower Blush, I'm going to deck her in the face."

"You say that about everyone."

"True."

"Ugh, I can't trust you DUNDERHEADS with the simplest task, can I?" an old gravelly voice sputtered out, rage overcoming his ability to think coherently, as the RED Spy sat in their spawn, taking the abuse while the rest of his team was being spawncamped.

Between the verbal abuse and being blown to bits by the drunkard on the other end of the door, it was a tough choice.

"Gray Mann, I know that our team has been failing to capture the BLU's intelligence, but just give us one more chance before you dismiss us entirely! We'll even do Plan G!" Spy practically begged his associate, which was unbecoming of him, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Gray Mann's left eyebrow rose. "Plan G you say? You must really be desperate. Alright then, you know what to do. Contact me again when you're done." The Contracker fizzled out, leaving the screen black. Spy knew what he had to do, and it wasn't pretty.

"So you know, I could have easily taken on Tempest Shadow myself, but I was so busy playing hero for Trixie and the other refugees that I had to leave it to Twilight to confront her!" Starlight explained to a very bored looking Sunset as the two made their way to the BLU intelligence room. Starlight had occupied most of the time in the sewers* with a regaling tale about how she helped at least some citizens of Canterlot help escape the invasion of the Storm King's forces.

*After being drenched in piss, the two decided that the sewer water would at least get the stink out.

"Yeah that's uh, interesting. Seems that you were forced out of the conflict for a reason."

"Yeah, the movie producers didn't want me in. Too busy shoving in too many new characters so that my time in the limelight... was... cut... off." Starlight stopped in her tracks before dropping to her knees.

"Starlight, you feeling okay?" Sunset rushed to her friends side worriedly.

"I would if this script wasn't so shoddy." came the reply, bitter and cold.

"Should we just skip these lines? They don't seem very natural."

"The last thing I need is a reminder that I was shafted to a background extra in the big movie." Starlight muttered to herself, before letting herself be let back up. Sunset then pulled out a phone from her pocket and turned the screen on. A few gestures later, she looked from it with a glare.

"This shit goes on for 6 pages."

The RED Spy casually walked down to the intelligence room where the RED D.I.C.K. was contained. His teammates were all dead for the moment, so nobody would see him do what he had to do next to ensure that Plan G went off without a hitch. Opening the glass door situated near the intelligence table where he had been killed just minutes before, Spy stepped towards the D.I.C.K before hesitating. It was bad enough that he had to stab several of his own allies quite literally in the back. Now he was just going to ensure they'd never come back.

However, the fires of his revenge towards Starlight Glimmer raged harder, and he slammed his sapper onto the device, causing it to short circuit for a few moments, before shutting down. It wasn't destroyed, but it would be disabled for time being at least.

Grabbing his modified Contracker from his back pocket, he called Gray Mann again.

"What?" Came the gravely voice again. It was more static filled this time.

"I've done as you ask, Gray. Now will you set Plan G into motion?"

There was a dark chuckle. "Of course, of course. But first, I need to pay you your fee. The fee of someone who sold out their team for revenge, that is."

Spy screamed in pain as a bullet burst through his leg, leaving a large gaping wound and causing him to fall over in agony. Rolling onto his back, he saw his attacker.

It was a robotic double of himself, with piercing blue lights for eyes and a cheap mockery of his expensive suit, crudely painted onto the janky metal. The body jiggled around as the motor struggled to keep the owner upright. In the robot's hand was a revolver.

"In order for Plan G to occur, all members of the Reliable Excavation Demolition corperation must be deceased or otherwise eliminated, leaving [member] as the sole stockholder. After this, they must sell all owned stocks to Gray Mann of Gray Gravel Co. Only then can Plan G proceed..." Gray Mann repeated the terms of Plan G.

"What? I was going to sell you them as soon as I finished the job! Why would you do this?!?"

"Because, former associate, with nobody in RED alive, the stocks would be put on the market for a pittance. That along with the fact that only you and I know of this arrangement. And you know what they say, don't you?" his grin turned vicious.

Spy was too busy nursing his injury to listen.

"Two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead." Gray Mann laughed maniacally as the robot fired again, shooting Spy through the skull and ending his miserable life. He abruptly stopped when he noticed his prey was no longer moving.

"Hmm, I wanted to watch his struggle some more. Ah well. Spybot, you know what to do."

"OUI." came a robotic reply, as the fake Spy shot the contracker multiple times, rendering it useless, before clanking out of the intelligence room, leaving the RED side of 2fort completely devoid of human life.

Metal Glimmer Rising

Starlight waited and seethed in her makeshift hospital bed. As much as she wanted to go on a robot massacre, she knew that attempting it solo again would result in far worse things. She occupied her time by testing out her new arm and seeing how it responded to various actions. For the most part, it acted exactly like her old one, albeit a little more stiff than usual.

She was in the process of testing how strong it was when a portal opened up and two teenagers stepped out. One of which was Sunset, this time wearing an orange blouse with her cutiemark on with a skirt. The other one was someone strangely familiar to her, but off somehow.

"You see what I mean, Twilight?" Sunset asked her bespectacled companion, urging her to check out the only girl in the room with a robot arm. Taking a few cautious steps forward, the nerd carefully examined the arm for a few moments, before starting to stroke her hand across it.

"Uhhh..." Starlight stammered out, hardly able to believe what was unfolding.

"Don't worry about it Starlight," Sunset reassured. "our Twilight is one of the top scientists in the world. I'm sure she'll be able to notice anything wrong with your arm before you get back out there."

"Aside from the amputated arm?" Starlight deadpanned.

"Hey, we both know you're not going to take doctor's orders anyway, might as well make sure you're ready before we mindlessly charge into the enemy." Sunset playfully punched Starlight in her human arm.

"Yeah, it all seems very uh, competently made." the human Twilight said, walking away from the mechanical limb. "Just try not to cut off your other arm, as it seems to be learning based on what you're doing with your other arm. Highly advanced for an arm prosthetic." She then walked back into the portal without so much as a goodbye.

"Rude," Starlight snarked, before turning back to the flame haired girl. "So, now what? You have a plan?"

"It's more that we have a plan." Spy decided to uncloak, surprising Starlight, but not Sunset.

"How did you-" Starlight sputtered before being cut off.

"Cloak and Dagger, Mon Cherie," he stated simply, before lighting up a cigarette. "While the rest of BLU are covering the coal town that guards some of the Australium left behind by Blutarch, Mannhatten is undefended entirely. We'll head there and meet up with Demoman, Scout and Pyro. After that w'll discuss things further."

"But first," Sunset interjected, pulling a strange light purple rock from her pocket. "Wallflower found this near her garden. She thought it might be useful to you."

Starlight stared thoughtfully. It matched her skin tone perfectly and radiated a soft glow that almost felt like magic. Looking back up at Sunset, she grinned. "Looks like I'm not going to deck her in the face."

Sunset shot a thumbs up as the three left for Mannhatten.

Things were heating up in the abandoned coal town. The waves were getting harder to fend off, and BLUs resources were getting more scarce. The core of Solider, Medic, Heavy and Engineer were doing their best to fend off as much as they could, with Sniper calling out flankers and sniping any robot that broke past their defense.

That was until he heard an unatural clanking behind him. Expecting it to be a Spy, he paid it no mind. The shield he had on his back would fry the bot if it tried. He was instead greeted with the shield being ripped from his back, before being thrown backwards. With the sun in his eyes, the Sniper could barely make out who threw him before his attacker blocked out the sun themselves.

"S-Starlight? What the bloody fu-"

His chewing out was cut off by a boot to the neck, causing him to choke. Placing more pressure on his neck, the robotic duplicate of Starlight raised her left arm to reveal a Gatling gun attached to it. Revving it up, it gave an inhuman grin to the bushman before letting out a volley of shots, shredding though his torso and leaving him for dead.

Turning her new left arm back into an arm, she pulled out a modified Contracker and pressed some buttons. The screen crackled to life, revealing Grey Mann''s face.

"Execution of BLU commencing. No sign of subject Starlight Glimmer." it spoke robotically, in a twisted mockery of Starlight's own voice.

Grey Mann's face turned sickly. "Good. She's probably still in their base. After you take out the main targets, trash Teufort until you find her. Then bring her to me. Alive."

The mechanical Starlight raised her hand in concern. "Sir, with all due respect, I do not think it would be very likely that I would be able to spring an attack on her twice without her knowing preemptively."

Grey's face went flat. "Project GL1MM3R, do as I say or I'll downgrade your intelligence manually. You already have the upgrades required to best her in a fight again and you don't even need to slice off her arm this time."

GL1MM3R sighed mechanically, steam coming out of her beanie. "Yes, sir." before turning off the Contracker and placing it in her pocket. Leaning over the roof of the saloon, she had the perfect chance to flank, as BLU were currently taking out a very large, rocket spamming Solider robot.

Pointing her right arm towards the Medic, GL1MM3R charged her arm mounted laser cannon and fired, dramatically shooting a hole right through the Medic's chest, killing him instantly as his corpse flopped to the ground. While this didn't alert anyone, it did make taking out the rest of the group easier. Hopping down from the saloon, she grabbed a downed robot Demoman's stickybomb launcher and launched several at the sentry currently mowing down wave after wave of robots.

"Starlight?" Engineer looked on in betrayed shock. "What the hell do you think you're doi-"

The large explosion to the right of Heavy and Solider finally alerted them that there was someone behind them. Turning around, they saw GL1MM3R casually toss away the stickybomb launcher she had just used and morphed her arms into relatively normal robot arms, her cyan eyes staring deep within their souls, providing a distraction for the gigantic BLU Solider to finish them off in a spectacular explosion.

Walking up to the RED bot, GL1MM3R turned her back to the RED giant, prompting it to place the bomb on her back.

After feeling the bomb attach to her small frame, she ambled to the drop off point, before slamming the large explosive in and walking away.

The base where BLU had been collecting their upgrades and stockpiling ammunition went up in flames.

Looking at her metallic comrades, it grinned. "Now that we've taken Coal Town, how about we take back our former cargo depot?"

Author's Note

Oh.. fuck. GL1MM3R op much?

Nah, she just used her brain.

She? But you just used "it" throughout the entire damn chapter, you hack.

Fair point. Maybe starting from next chapter we can define GL1MM3R's gender.

And come up with a less cliche name?

Ehh, no.

Made in Mannhattan

Mannhattan; the former trading hub of Reliable Excavation Demolition's resources and the main source of its income during the pre-merc days. Now it was a rotting corpse, with towers of rusting crates with RED scrawled all over them as a reminder of who came before. Silence loomed over the area, as the factory was shut down many years ago, leaving this place devoid of life.

Until now, that is. Starlight, Sunset and Spy were heading towards the specified meeting point in order to formulate a plan with the remainder of BLU. For some reason, communications with the other group were down and as Engineer was there with them, couldn't be fixed.

"Honestly," Starlight noted, looking around the decrepit ruins. "this place could use a bit of a clean. Looks like this hasn't seen any action in years... Which leads to the further question of why?"

"This was an important strategic location for RED back before the days of throwing mercs at BLU," Spy explained, a cigarette dangling from his mouth as he spoke. "It would only make sense that Grey Mann and his army would take this back in order to produce robots at a faster pace."

"Makes sense," Sunset interjected, "seems that these robots are powered by money. I took a few bundles of notes from the ones I killed and they are very much the universal currency of the Great British Pound, according to Solider anyway.(1)" She gave Starlight some bills with a woman's face on them. "So by taking back this financial stronghold, they'd be able to create even more robots in order to overwhelm us, and possibly Mann Co too."

Starlight inspected the notes. They seemed to be legitimate, which raised the question of why in the first place. Before she could ask, however, they arrived at a strange building on the outskirts on Mannhattan.

"Upgrade?" Starlight questioned aloud, glancing at the weaponry inside.

Spy smiled deviously. "Of course, how else would we use all of this money? Go on, see what you can get."

Starlight walked forward and sat down on one of the many stools available, before a menu descended from somewhere and offered her a variety of choices.

All Out Offense

Jill of All Trades

Sideline Supporter

"Hmm, I've never been offered this before," Spy noted, before sitting down next to her.(2) "Must be because you've never become a specialist in anything. Up to you, I guess." he noted, before looking at his own menu and picking some options.

"Personally I'm going for Sideline Supporter," Sunset casually mentioned from Starlight's left. "Just feels right, you know?" before a Medigun which had been painted to suit Sunset's colour scheme was pulled out from the other side of the counter and given to her, along with a crossbow and a strange looking bonesaw. It also came with a free medicinal coat.

Starlight shrugged. "Guess I'll go for Offense?" before picking the option. Before she knew it, she was gently shoved to the floor by the automated options giving her a rocket launcher, very similar to Solider's. However, this was simply painted in a very candy-esque aesthetic, rather than being painted for Starlight's colour scheme. To compensate however, it did have a bit of a sheen to it.

The young partially mechanized woman pulled herself off of the ground, letting the rocket launcher sit naturally on her right shoulder. It seemed to be made for the right handed person too, which was semi-convenient.

"Guess this'll do." Starlight muttered, before the automated machine threw a shotgun at her, smacking her in the stomach and knocking her over again. Not long after she was thrown a frying pan too.

"This has got to be some sort of joke."

Some time later, the trio of mercenaries headed down the deserted depot to meet up with the remaining members of BLU. Scout, Demoman and Pyro were all sitting around, doing nothing.

"So that's how I saved Boston from Zilla!" Scout finished to his very bored looking audience. Whether this was due to repetition or poor storytelling wasn't exactly clear. Hearing the steps of his friends, Scout turned to face them, his helmet straps dangling freely. "Oh hey, Glims! The other chick!... Spy."

"Scout." Spy noted with a hint of malice as he sat down on a crate. "So, we all know what the plan is?"

The six mercenaries nodded, leaving the floor open to another topic. "Aye, so I tried contacting the rest of BLU... They're not comin' in." Demoman noted sadly. "Do ya think-"

"Yes." Spy bluntly stated. "We all knew that there was risk involved with becoming mercenaries. This just means we fight harder, until our last breath."

A resounding cheer came from the remaining mercenaries, encouraged by their fallen comrades to fight on. Sunset meanwhile, decided to pull out her phone and send a message out, the slightest murmurs of worry crossing her face.

Twilight Sparkle carefully examined her notes. Limited as they were, the technology that Starlight had on her arm was fascinating and far more advanced than anything that had ever been in her own world. She could single-handedly advance robotic prosthetic technology by years! Wiping her brow, she frowned, however. She couldn't exactly say that it was acquired from another world. That talk leads to never being seen again, or just exiled from scientific communities for being crazy. Building these notes to make her findings look legitimate was proving to be a hassle, though.

A vibrating sensation shook her from her contemplation. She had left her phone in her pocket. Probably a good thing, considering the circumstances. Taking a look at it, it provided a start contrast to the dimly lit shed turned science lab. (3)

Direct Message - Sunshine#2661

Sunshine: Hey, how's the science going?

Sparkplug: Good. Forging scientific discoveries feels a bit wrong, though.

Sunshine: It's more reverse engineering. Anyway, I'd hurry up a bit and start contacting the girls. Seems like most of BLU got wiped out in Coaltown.

Sparkplug: Oh. That's terrible.

Sunshine: We'll have time to mourn later. Now come on, let's make sure nobody else dies on our watch.

Sparkplug: Alright. But what about the other girl?

Sunshine: Just make up an excuse about extra credit. I can't afford her knowing about this when I'm not even here.

Sparkplug: Duly noted. See you on the other side, Sunset.

Swiftly getting up, Twilight grabbed her backpack and ran out of the door. The rest of the girls were still in school anyway, so meeting up by the statue would be a lot less painless.

Still though, she had some worries about her. Keeping secrets from people was never a good thing, but Sunset insisted on keeping this matter private until it was done. Hopefully this wouldn't cause issue in the future.

(1) Due to some political turmoil and extremely outdated but not voided contracts, England ended up taking ownership of Australia after the discovery of Australium, singlehandedly making them the sole economic force in both the European and the Australian region.

(2) Because of not having any specific skills, the Upgrade Station had no idea what to do with them and gave them some options.

(3) It was either this, or being sent to a boarding school. After the last 3 catastrophic failures, the Sparkle family decided that the shed was a worthy sacrifice for science.

Author's Note

Oooh, intrigue! Who is this other girl? Will BLU fight until the last man? WILL SPARKPLUG FORGE SCIENCE FOR SCIENCE?

Maybe.

Pedal to the Meta

Sunset looked at her phone with a bored expression. BLU had been sat around on various crates for the past hour or so waiting for the first wave of robots, but none came. Not a sign of metallic life was around the abandoned depot.

"Well, I guess this is what being cancelled feels like." Starlight snarked to no one in particular.

"Cancelled?" Sunset looked at her with confusion.

Starlight looked back with a half-lidded stare. "The story hasn't progressed at all, so it's clear that the author has no intention of carrying on with this trainwreck."

The other mercenaries were simply drinking themselves into a comatose state. Aside from Pyro, that is. Pyro has a mask on.

"Mmmph mmph mmmph." Pyro mumbled incoherently, being unable to communicate and as such, is irrelevant to the story as a whole.

Pyro then took their arms and took of the mask, leading to a mass of pink curls exploding from where it once laid. "I said that if you wanted me to drink, you should have gottem me a straw, you silly filly!"

The two other native Equestrians looked at the Pinkie Pyro in abject horror.

"Okay, this is now more terrifying than that robotic double who completely kicked my ass and ripped off my arm." Starlight noted, before slowly raising her metallic hand to her face and sighing into it. "I do not get paid enough for this shit."

Suddenly, a mass of large Russian men wearing strange jackets covered in chains and hats with anchors on ran past, all wearing brass knuckles and screaming "ORA ORA ORA ORA!" as they ran past the four mercs.

"Right, somehow the game that this entire story is based off of updated faster than this did. How does that even happen?" Starlight snarked again. Honestly, she's so rude to my narrative.

Starlight turned towards nowhere in particular and pointed towards it. "As for YOU, Mr Author man, what the hell happened to updating?"

Pinkie Pyro leapt up from her seat and also pointed towards the general area. "Yeah! And why do you give her Medium Awareness? You already have a canonical one, you don't need to make another character one just to fit your twisted joke of a narrative! Meta jokes aren't even funny!"

Huh. Well, this is happening now.

"Damn right it is!" Starlight shouted, before grabbing her rocket launcher and firing it towards the fourth wall. It shattered spectacularly and cost the author his remaining credibility. Thanks guys.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie Pyro shouted to no one in particular, intent of ruining everything I have written up to.

"Yes, your various Chekov's Guns that you completely forgot about are so good. Like these nudes of Trixie! I'm not even INTO humans!" Starlight yelled, before pulling several lewd photographs of Trixie that could not be described in further detail without pulling this story to a M rating.

"Fine. I bet Sunshine over here would be able to appreciate this more anyway." Starlight tossed the offending photographs towards her human friend, fluttering in the breeze like naked, evidence filled butterflies.

Grabbing the flying court evidence before it could be vaguely described in any more detail, Sunset's face turned a lovely shade of tomato as she gazed upon the forbidden fruit. That was lewd alright.

Meanwhile, the canon mercenaries were drinking themselves into a stupor.The sheer madness of their fellow mercenaries had led them to this. That and it was good skrumpei, so none of them were really that broken up about it.

After regaining some composure, Sunset quickly stuffed the offending pictures into her pocket, effectively removing them from the story entirely and leaving that other one... What was it?

"The stupid rock?" Starlight pulled out the geode mentioned a few chapters prior that really has significance at all at this point. It was at the point that Starlight's expression darkened even more. "This is even worse than the photos, Mr Author Dude. You'd best explain this very soon."

Suddenly, some ruggedly handsome nerd strolled in. Sporting a lovely bushy beard and a casual shirt and tracksuit bottoms, he was the epitome of beauty and had all the ladies clamoring for him...

And now Starlight is beating the author avatar to death with his own arm. Fantastic. I couldn't even make a joke about self inserts.

"Because that would have been hilarious," Starlight remarked drily with a roll of her eyes. "Come on, you're wasting your viewership's time at this point. They know this isn't a canon chapter, you know this isn't a canon chapter, even this corpse knows!" She threw one of the dismembered arms at the previously shattered fourth wall. Gross.

"Well, now that's done, I'm going to go drink." Sunset announced, before fucking off-screen for various drink related shenanigans. Starlight followed suit, leaving a corpse and 3 passed out mercenaries.

"And me!" Pinkie Pyro squeed in excitement. Right. You. Hmm. Tell me Pinkie, do you believe in magic?

"Well, I should, considering I'm originally from Equestr- Oh for Celestia's sake."

Pinkie Pyro was then transported to Pyroland, where she could live out her psychotic fantasies in peace without interfering with the story.

What was the point of this again? Oh right, It's April 1st.

Author's Note

I hate you.

Same here.

Good. Happy April Fools. Now go get drunk and prepare for the next chapter.

After 9 years in development...

Oh shut up. :ajbemused:

Mostly 'Armless

Starlight pulled her head back into the story as Sunset watched on in awe.

"Did you just go outside of the story to yell at the author?" Sunset asked worriedly.

Starlight placed a hand upon her friend's shoulder. "Don't worry about that, the in-universe ramifications of breaking the fourth wall are very minimal once the fourth wall is repaired. Speaking of, the effects should be reverted right about..."

Now. With the fourth wall now repaired, we can get back to the story with the only causality being the narrative.

Placing the RED intelligence on the desk with the BLU, Starlight wondered what she would do next. After all, if the entire point of all this was just to their intellegence, where would that leave her and Suns-

"ALL BLUS REPORT IN IMMEDIATELY," crackled the intercom system. "WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY ROBOTS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"

Starlight turned to Sunset with a false sense of weariness upon her face. "No rest for the weary, am I right?"

"You and me both," she nonchalantly replied. "Now let's go kick some tin cans."

Rushing out of the BLU intelligence room, they encountered a robotic double of the Scout. A quick shotgun blast to the face quickly shut it down, but two more quickly flanked in wielding bats. Sunset took out the one closest to her with a single pistol shot to the knee, watching in delight as it collapsed into scrap. Starlight meanwhile, used another two shots to down the robotic speedster, one to the arm holding the bat and the other straight to the face before it could realise it had no arm.

"Hmm, do you think we should split up?" Starlight asked, wiping oil off of her jacket.

"I think we should, that hallway is pretty cramped." Sunset agreed. "Wanna see how many robots we can take out solo?"

"Hell yea!" Starlight obliged, before starting to charge up the spiral hallway, Sunset taking the other route.

Up and up she went. Taking out more robot Scouts with nary a care in the world. She wondered why they were all RED coloured though.

Reaching the top, she spotted the Medic struggling to fight off a robot Heavy. Using the opputunity to flank, she simply walked up to the heavy and shot it in the back of the head, causing it to collapse.

"Danke comrade!" Medic shouted gratefully, before charging off to find teammates to heal. Now in the main hallway of the base, she made her way to the courtyard outside. The sun still burning in her eyes, she leaped onto a metallic Demoman's shoulders and slammed the butt of her shotgun into the head, pushing it and shutting it down, allowing her to get off easily.

No sign of Sunset, though. This was odd. But with some axe wielding Pyros on the way, she had no time to look. Rushing towards the first one, she simply blasted its face off and tossed it aside before aiming at the second one.

*click click*

"Aw, buck." Starlight noted. She was out of ammo. Swiftly retreating from the axe wielding maniac, she decided to scavenge her own fire axe from the rusting bucket of bolts she just took out. Wrestling it from its grip, she swung wildly at the nearest Pyro, catching it clean across the torso and launching it into the hallway, hitting a few more along the way. She had no time to celebrate, as another Pyro approached her before it swung.

With no time to dodge, Starlight elected to block it with her own axe. While it did block the attack, the sheer force of it snapped the wooden axe handle in two, leaving her defenceless for its next swing. Electing to make use of the head as a makeshift throwing knife, she went straight for its metallic skull. Against all odds, it hit straight through the brain and made it fall over backwards.

Looking around, she still saw no backup. Damn. Electing to grab another fire axe, she was suddenly slammed while her back was turned, sending her flying into the wall.

Disorientated from the heavy blow, she took a look at her attacker while the dizziness wore off. The being stood at about her height, wore similar but robotic versions of her clothing (Including her beanie) and instead of having a right arm, had a stump with a strange blaster on it. Probably what it used to hit Starlight with.

Still, a robotic double of her? Whoever's been making these robots clearly knows who she was already. Not letting this faze her any longer, she staggered up, before grabbing the nearby axe and swinging for her own robotic double.

To her surprise, it dodged perfectly, before pointing its stump aim right at her and it glowing a familiar teal color. The blast sent Starlight right up to the top part of the courtyard, leaving her daze again. Despite her lack of awareness again, she could hear the metallic clanking on wood as it stomped up the stairs. Before she knew it, she was being lifted up by the robots left arm and pinned against the wall by her throat, leaving her unable to scream for help.

The robot's unfeeling blue eyes pierced into her soul, not caring who it was attacking or the fact that it was similar to her in every way. It simply pointed its blaster arm to Starlight's own left arm and charged one more time. For several agonising seconds, she could hear it gradually get louder and higher pitched, as the glow on it increased in brightness.

Suddenly, a searing pain entered just before her left shoulder. Choking cries of pain escaped Starlight's mouth as she continued to be pinned to the wall. Looking at the ground for some reason, the robotic Starlight turned her blaster right towards Starlight's face. Once again, the agonising sound of it charging entered her ears as she closed her eyes silently hoped that someone would save her, while silently and heavily crying in sheer agony.

Thankfully, before it could blast Starlight's face, a mighty explosion rang through the air and Starlight was released from the robot's grip, now being launched to the grate door nearby the BLU spawn. Opening her eyes again, the robot's arm was still around her neck... But was no longer attached to the rest of her body, as the grip loosened and fell to the ground.

A kilt entered her vision, as two arms picked her up and leaned her gently towards the wall, allowing her to get a better view of her saviour. She recognised the general shape of his body, it being the Demoman, but she had never really seen his full face due to wearing a blast mask. He was also remarkably sober. But he was sporting a hat with a tuft on it that had the words "Black Watch" engraved on it. He was also wearing a bagpipe on his back.

"Aye lass, are ya alright? That robot thing did a number on ya." he asked, gently yet firmly.

"Yeah, I should be fine." Starlight said, trying to wipe her brow with her left arm. It was still in searing pain around her left shoulder, but aside from that, she couldn't feel a thing. She tried moving it again. After that , she tried her right arm, but it was okay. Looking down to her left, she noticed why she couldn't feel her left arm.

She didn't have a left arm.

"Hmm." Starlight put her remaining arm under her chin. "Think I'm going to change my answer." Before the shock finally caught up to her, knocking her out cold.

Starlight awoke, her brain a mess. She tried to focus on what happened what felt like a minute ago, but couldn't. Had it been all a dream?

"Are you sure she'll be fine, Medic?" a voice she thought was Sunset's asked worriedly.

"I'm sure she'll make a full recovery as soon as she uh, finds out." Medic answered, seeming to pause before the last two words.

"Alright then, I'll go back to Canterlot High and report everything to Princess Twilight, she must be worried sick." Sunset spoke again, before walking what was seemingly towards her. She felt a hand on her right shoulder. "Starlight, I'm going to have to go back to Canterlot High a bit. After what happened earlier, I think we'll need all the help we can get now. Stay safe and uh, try not to freak out."

The sounds of her walking go quieter, before a warping-type noise occurred, presumably her going to Canterlot High. She then opened her eyes. The world was blurred and confusing and her left arm felt... Off somehow. After her eyesight cleared up, she noticed a few things.

One, she was in some sort of hospital bed. And two, Medic, Solider and Demoman where here. Their expressions were one of concern, though.

"So uh, what happened?" Starlight asked simply.

"How do I put this... " Solider brefily pondered, before placing a hand on Starlight's bed. "A business competitor has bought out RED team and is now planning to wipe us out with robots. The first "Wave", so to speak caught us off guard, but we managed to find out where they're being mass produced and the likely location of their next attack." Solider explained in a caring tone.

"Wow, I missed a bit of fun then." Starlight noted weakly, before trying to lift herself out of bed. She was stopped by the soft but firm hand of the Medic.

"Mein Fraulein," he stated bluntly, yet in the same concerned tone that Solider and Sunset had. "We can't let you back into the battlefield just yet."

"Why not? I'm perfectly fine, Just had a bit of a broke arm, no big deal.. Unless what I thought was a dream was real?" Starlight's voice was now full of trepidation.

"Just... look at your left arm, Starlight."

She looked. It was the same one that her robotic double had pinned her against the wall with. Aside from the occasional part where the metal shone, you could barely tell it was a fake. Giving her arm a test wiggle, she was surprised to find it moved naturally.

"Huh. So I did lose an arm. Why did you replace it with my double's, then?"

Medic stepped forward. "I can't regrow arms. Broken bones, sprains, bullet wounds, knife wounds, any kind of wound I can handle fine. That's just mostly regrowing the damaged skin. But even I can't repair a destroyed arm."

"By the time we pushed them back, we found you unconscious with Demoman keeping an eye on you." Solider stated before he realised what he said. "Uh, no pun intended."

Demoman simply pointed towards his covered eye socket and said "Eye."

"Even if we had gotten back sooner, the arm was too damaged by your double slamming into it," Medic noted sadly. "It's miraculous that you have a left arm at all at this point, really. You don't just find robotic limbs that happen to fit you willy-nilly."

Starlight inspected her arm some more. There were bolts and screws in there, but it fit her like a glove. She could even somewhat "feel" the weight of it. Although due to the metallic nature, it was nowhere near as touch sensitive. Clenching her fist, she stared right at Medic and Solider. "Do you think that a simple arm replacement will stop me? Before, I was having fun, if a little hesitant about killing people. Now that it's robots, that fear is out of the window. And this," she outstretched her left arm as it glinted in the light. "This is simply a reminder of my own failure. It won't happen again!"

"No, it won't. Because you're retired." Solider stated firmly. "After Sunset comes back from this Canterlot High place, she's going to send you back to your homeworld to recover."

"Why!" Starlight slammed her metallic fist into a nearby table, causing the wood to splinter and crack. "Don't you see Solider, you're going to die to that... Thing that nearly killed me! I need to make sure that bucket of bolts never hurts anyone again!"

Despite her anger and lashing out, Solider remained calm, almost stoic. "Starlight Glimmer. You're our friend. We're just trying to do what's best for you. Now please, rest up. We hate doing this as much as you do, but we're not sending a body back."

The three mercs left Starlight in silence. Looking back at her arm, Starlight's eyes blazed in anger.

"If I'm going to die alone, I'm taking that fucking robot with me."

Author's Note

Speaking of casualties, how fast did that go downhill? Lost an arm, her allies and probably most of her sanity too.

So what happens next? Will Starlight simply give up and go home?

I have nothing to lose now. Let the oil flow...

... Swear I closed that fourth wall.

You did. Just enough wiggle room to crash the Author's Notes. Be glad that's all I can do.

You're freaking me out.

Just let me have this.

Demoman (Sober)