Ponies and Habaneros

by Sir Amalgam

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Flim and Flam, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1814

A plant of habaneros is found at the edge of the Everfree forest. Only one could imagine what ensues next.

If you give a mouse a cookie, you know how that goes.

But, if you give a pony a habanero, what will happen?

How about a group of ponies, or a whole herd? The town of ponyville? The entirety of Equestria?

Included Flim, Flam and Celestia as "Main" Character for their brief mentions. Super brief mention of Tempest.

Published 2018-03-06 16:00:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-06 16:00:12 UTC

Enter the Habanero

It was a morning, a quiet and seemingly regular morning. That's what Twilight thought as she strode to the Everfree forest. She was to meet Zecora to document a new hybrid plant created with certain enthusiasm, holding plenty of scrolls and quills. Just as she was going to enter the forest, something caught her cautious eyes.

"I've never seen that plant before... I've never seen that plant before!" exclaimed an overly eager Twilight, zipping towards the plant, with red bulbs seemingly eager to be eaten. Upon closer examination, Twilight found in total twenty-six mysterious red bulbs, more or less wrinkly by some unknown circumstance.

"Oh no! It's either here with these small, adorable, welcoming bulbs, or Zecora's hybrid plant! I could go with Zecora, but this is an important discovery! But what if a wild animal eats the whole plant! Think twilight, think! I don't want to leav-"

A wave of relief overcame Twilight as a characteristic "Spring," was heard nearby. Squinting, she could see Pinkie Pie bouncing in her general direction, smiling as always.

"Pinkie! Over here! I got something to show you!" yelled Twilight.

"Hey Twlight! What's up?" said Pinkie as she stopped in front of the plant. "Woah, what is that?!"

"That is a new plant, which I've bestowed you the privilege to guard it," said a chivalrous Twilight. "Keep it safe, and don't let anything bad happen to it."

"Ok! I was going to have some fun, but this sounds like even more fun!"

"Thanks. I will catch up with you later, have fun!"

Twilight proceed to enter the Everfree forest, still looking back at Pinkie and the plant.

I hope I did the right thing...

Pinkie looked around, then stared at the plant, and immediately to the bulbs. Red, somewhat wrinkly, and just ready to pick. Inside her, she knew they had to be eaten. It would be a cardinal sin not to. After all, she was the caretaker for the while, with the duty of protecting the plant. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing to pick a bulb and eat it...

When Twilight came back to document her new finding, all she found was a cardboard cutout of Pinkie and twenty bulbs on the plant. Piecing it together, she only guessed where her faulty guard was headed: Ponyville. Stomping her hoof, Twilight teleported to Ponyville, hoping to stop Pinkie from "Cupcaking" her new discovery.

Arriving in Ponyvile, Twilight didn't have to go far to realize what had actually happened. Instead of "Cupcaking" the bulbs, she did far worse. Spreading the word of a new candy in shape of a slightly wrinkled bulb, Pinkie had made her discovery irresistible to the ears of the curious . Near the town center, a mass of ponies huddled close to Pinkie showing of the new candy, and plopping one into her mouth. The slight crunch and the pleasant sound Pinkie uttered when eating it, topped off with her glowing a slight shade of red rose the curiosity of the crowd.

"My, what a delicious looking candy she has, I want one!" yelled a pony.

"How much for it?" cried another one, hoof raised with a few bits in hoof.

"It's my birthday!"

"It looks so good!"

Quickly shoving through the crowd, Twilight pulled Pinkie aside, whispering with a tone of annoyance, "You were supposed to guard the plant, not just run-"

"It's bounce, silly Twilight"

"Whatever! The point was for you to just stay there! Not to move, at all!"

"I'm still there Twilight, no worries!"

"That's a cardboard cutout of you, it isn't actually you!"

"Uh, yes it is. It has me on it, with the correct shade of pink. Its all anatomically correct, so I am there where you asked me."

"UUUUH!"

As Twilight and Pinkie continued to argue, half of the crowd quickly turned their ways to find the new candy, while the other half was still close by, hoping the argument would end quickly. Only two colts, eyes beaming with the words "opportunity in this community" were intelligent enough to trace back Pinkie's hoof prints, back to the same bush, with that same cardboard cutout mentioned earlier.

Hiding before heading back to the plant's location, Twilight and Pinkie were met with a quite troubling sight. Those same colts who followed Pinkie's hoof prints set up a small wooden stand with the words "Flim and Flam's Mystery Candy" painted on a nailed banner. A few flashing lights and a small chest with the bulbs in them, key close by. Behind them was the plant, now barren of its bulbs, gently swaying in the breeze, with the Pinkie cutout having another banner with the words "One hundred percent Pinkie Pie Approved!" slapped on it. Twilight, with a immeasurable amount of rage in her, stomped to the stand. Twilight was going to give a piece of her mind to those two, possibly make them disappear conveniently.

Taking a deep breath and smiling a awkward smile, "What are you two doing with these bulbs?"

Flim responded, his own smile irking Twilight even more,

"Practicing capitalism with these newly discovered and highly marketable products, care to buy one?"

"No! These aren't yours, and your not supposed to be selling these!"

"There technically no ones, fair game to anyone. Since we found them first...."

"I found them first! Pinkie can also confirm my story."

"It's both of your words against both of ours. Two minus two equals zero" said Flam, smiling smugly.

"But Pinkie was there, guarding it all along..." said Twilight, knowing that only a cardboard was guarding.

"That's a cutout, not the real deal sweetie" Flim said, patting a highly aggravated Twilight.

"I can't believe that I have to agree with that statement..." Twilight muttered.

"Anywho, are you here to buy?" piped Flim, "because we got loads of customers!"

Behind Twilight, a long line of ponies, large sums of bits in hoof waited eagerly to buy. The line quickly deteriorated as it was found out only twenty bulbs were left. The line became into a mass, a tidal wave crashing on the poor wooden stand. Twilight quickly backed off from the frenzy, while Pinkie drilled into the ground, hoping to escape the 3 hour lecture that she was sure Twilight would eagerly give about being dependable.

Eyeing the mess, Twilight quickly turned away and sighed

Note to self: Send Flim and Flam to Tartarus, and to deprive Pinkie any sweets she trys to eat.

The mass of ponies dissipated once the bulbs had disappeared, the eager owners of said bulbs started to savor the potent flavor...

"OH MY CELESTIA....."

*choking noises*

"HELP ME, MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!"

"IT BURNS BURNS BURNS!"

"HAY CARAMBA!"

The cries of the unfortunate ones to taste the "candy" now realized their mistake of listening to a pony who put hot sauce on her cupcakes. What was more incredible, was the astonishing sight of the ponies changing color, from normal hues of the color spectrum to deep dark red, both mane and body. Some of the ponies even saw small flames ignite, causing panic within the crowd, all of them fleeing to ponyville, leaving the poor ponies still in indescribable pain.

"My Celestia...." was all Twilight was able to say as she sprayed magically brought water into the mouths of the suffering ponies, which did little effect.

"This cannot be allowed to anypony, I must find Pinkie this instant!"

Twilight then teleported to try to find Pinkie, magically creating buckets of water for the ponies before she left.

Weeks have passed, and the fame of the newly dubbed "Celestia's Rage" was pronounced throughout Equestria and beyond. An semi-annual competition was held to find the one able to fully eat two "Celestia's Rage" bulbs and not turn red. Countless crisis between nations have been avoided due to the pure mention of the biological weapon.

Countless would be villans converted to the magic of friendship by the sole mention if they were to be defeated, would see no end to being force fed "Celestia's Rage" bulb. That also included Commander Tempest, who couldn't bare to see her mane anymore red that the dark red it already was.

Flim and Flam were tried and sentenced a undetermined amount of time in Tartarus due to selling biological weaponry to common pony folk. That and the encouragement of Twilight at the totally not lopsided tribunal.

Pinkie Pie was found, explained by Twilight not to ever do that again and promptly studied to find out how her body could support the "Celestia's Rage" bulb. Pinkie now was being target for powerful ponies trying to win her friendship, and almost gained "Alicorn Status" for the feat of eating a bulb as if it was candy. Many ponies wished and advocated to hold a competition between Celestia to see who could eat the most bulbs. Few even went lengths to convince the winner to become the new princess of Equestria.

They conveniently disappeared as well.

Twilight was hailed again a national hero for finding a new method of "peacefully" dealing with other nations, and for providing new venues for fun and teens new dares. She was also thanked by doctors for the influx of patients trying the "Celestia's Rage" challenge. Many accepted Twilight as the true discoverer to the "Celestia's Rage" bulb, and cross-breeded with a more flavorful fruit, producing a more tongue friendly "Twilight's Fiery Tingle". A new scientific field opened up, and the rise of "Spicyologists" and "Biochemical Spicy-neers" came to place.

Celestia ordered for the bulbs honorably named after her to be massed produced for "convenient" purposes, and helped develop the spicier, redder and way more dangerous "Celestia's Inner Wrath". She and Luna would dare themselves to try to eat one without breathing out fire, with the reward of taking the loser's desert for a month, and extra guard duty.

And lastly, the competition between Celestia and Pinkie was held behind closed doors, in fear of the result or any accident. It was a miracle both were still standing after bulb number seventy. A ceasefire was called after bulb hundred, leaving two mares both crimson red, not budging to give up. Later on would Celestia recognize the resilience of Pinkie and give her honorary title of "Royal Taste Tester to all things spicy", and awarded full privileges of a noble, despite the uproar in the high-class Canterlot.

And no one heard the one biologist who kept mentioning: "Its actually a Habanero."

Author's Note

This is just a small little thing composed. Just wanted to have a little fun.

This was definitely fun to write, and I myself tried to place a Habanero in my mouth, but with no avail was I able to fully eat it without a face filled with some pain.

Also this is my first story. Critique is welcome.