Super Mare-io Odyssey: A Story Untold

Chapters

It's An Odyssey. It's Odd-To-See
The Time is Dragon On
Ponies. Why'd It Have to be Ponies?
A Royal Pain in the Butt
Party, Pie, and Pranks with a Pink Pony
Cappying It All Off
Mashing All The Wrong, Or Maybe Right, Buttons
The Fart of July
A Very Awkward Meeting
Journey to... Where?
Terror in the Ship
Catalogue of Crabby Crazy Castle Creatures
Transfering from Mr. Weird to Dr. Strange

It's An Odyssey. It's Odd-To-See

Everyone thinks they know what happened in Super Mario Odyssey. After all, you went to all the kingdoms, found all the Power Moons, that's all.

Or is it?

Truth is, there were a couple of things the game didn't mention. Like how Mario and Cappy ended up in a world of talking ponies.

Surprised I said that? This whole story will be a surprise, and maybe Nintendo might see it.

Maybe.

Anyway, this is the truth about what happened. Who better to tell it, than Mario himself.

Take it away, Mario.

(Ten Years B.C.) [Before Cappy]

The alarm blared. I awoke with a jump, one that was so big that I nearly decapitated myself on the ceiling fan. Coming back down, I glanced at the alarm, and it said 6 o’clock. Time to start the day, I thought.

I came out of bed, and felt a muscle in my back pop. Wincing, I tried to stretch the muscle back into shape. Apparently, my early morning jump routine hadn’t been the best thought.

As I tried to pull on my overalls, I realized that Luigi hadn’t awakened yet. I looked over at him, and saw that he had his face hidden under a pillow. Actually, under three. I sighed. This happened at least every other morning.

My name is Mario. Or, as you heard me say, “It’s-a me, Mario!” I’m thirty years old, or at the time I begin this, twenty, and my brother Luigi is ten seconds younger than me. We’re twin brothers, and as I already said, I was born ten seconds before him. As the story goes, I came out with a jump, hitting the nurse in the face. While I sat trying to recover from my leap, Luigi came out, also with a leap. That time, the nurse dodged, and Luigi went sailing across the room and into a wall. He started to cry, and I don’t think he ever fully matured after that.

Our parents are dead now, and we’ve been plumbers for quite some time. For five years in fact. We started our own company, Mario Bros. Plumbing, and we’ve done pretty well.

But this day was different.

So far, though, I didn’t know that my life would change in three hours. All I knew was that Luigi didn’t want to get up. Again.

Sighing to myself, I walked over beside the bed. Picking Luigi up, I carried him to the bathroom and turned on the faucet in the tub. As soon as it was ice cold, I dunked Luigi’s head under the faucet.

Luigi squirmed in my arms, and I knew that he was finally awake. I put him down, and he got to his feet, gasping and spluttering. I handed him a towel, and he dried his face.

“Wh… why did you do that?!” Luigi said.

I rolled my eyes. “Do you see the time, Luigi?”

Luigi looked at the bathroom clock, and his eyes widened. “EAAAAHH!” he said, or something like that anyway. With that, he ran out of the room, and ended up tripping over his towel, which he was still holding. Then, he vanished around the corner, dripping water everywhere.

I sighed, and looked at the sopping wet carpet. I had just cleaned it a couple of days ago.

This was a typical morning for the Mario Bros. But things were about to become far from typical.

An hour later, we had finished breakfast and combed our moustaches. We had just pulled out of the driveway to set up some flyers around New York, when the phone rang.

Luigi and I both reached for the phone at the same time. Then we pulled our hands back. Then we reached for the phone again. Then we pulled back. This went on about three more times until I finally slapped Luigi’s hand away and picked up the receiver.

“Mario Bros. Plumbing, this is Mario. How can we assist you today?” I intoned for the two billionth time that month.

“Mr. Mario, there’s a clog in my bathtub. It’s horrible.” It was a woman speaking.

“What’s your address?” I asked, asking Luigi with my eyes to pick up some paper and a pen.

He just gave me a blank look.

I groaned mentally. Putting the phone away from my face, I whispered, “Pen and paper.”

Luigi’s face lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning. He picked up some paper and a pen.

The woman gave me her address and I related it to Luigi.

“Okay, ma’am. We’ll be right over,” I said. As soon as I hung up the phone, Luigi moaned. “Not another clog to unclog.”

“I know,” I said, “But at least we’ll get paid.”

We arrived at the house about five minutes later. Luigi got out of the car to get the toolbox, not knowing that I had already gotten it. I sighed, and walked towards the house. It was a nice house, other than being the color of vomit. It had shiny glass windows that seemed to litter the two stories it contained. The garage was covered, so I couldn’t see what kind of car was inside.

I set the toolbox by the door, and rang the doorbell.

“Mario, have you seen…” Luigi began. But his sentence was cut short when he ended up tripping over the toolbox and falling right into the door with a loud “THWACK!”

The door finally opened, and a young woman, most likely in her twenties, appeared. She was skinny, blonde, and looked like a model. “Oh, my,” she said, seeing Luigi slumped on the porch.

“I’m okay!” Luigi said, quite loudly. He stepped forward into the house, missed the step, and fell over again.

I sighed, and tried to give the woman my best smile. “Sorry about that ma’am, that’s my brother, Luigi. He’s a bit… out there.”

Luigi was lying comatose on the welcome mat inside the door, and a boy and a girl, both around 8, were standing around him, giggling to themselves. Who wouldn’t laugh at him though?

I reached out my hand to the woman for a handshake. “My name’s Mario. I’d like to offer my services to clean the pipe.”

“You mean our services,” Luigi piped from inside, trying to get up. He got to his feet and staggered like a drunken man, but finally regained his balance. He came up behind the woman, and said “Hello!”

The woman was a little startled, and reflexively flung her hand backward, smacking Luigi right in the nose. Luigi found himself back on the floor looking at the ceiling.

To make a long story short, we cleaned the drain, we caused a warp, and ended up in the Mushroom Kingdom. We saved Peach, and did so again.

And again.

And... again...

A decade after these events, just after I turned thirty, it seemed another Bowser-kidnaps-Peach-I-must rescue her-day. But, I ended up failing, and met a talking magical hat named Cappy. He helped me find a ship called the Odyssey, after showing me he could put me in the bodies of other creatures by throwing him on them.

We went through several kingdoms, but I want to talk about one called the Equestrian kingdom. Technically, it's another planet. The inhabitants? Ponies. Unicorns, regular ponies, and pegasi. Sound weird? I may have seen weird things in my life, but this was going to take the cake for weirdest.

But, I'm done journaling for today. This weekend, I'll begin telling the tale of my time in the land of Equestria.

The Time is Dragon On

The coffee machine dinged. Cappy flew over to it, and inhaled the sweet aroma of freshly brewed joe. Yep, it’s a wonderful odor.

We had just left the Luncheon Kingdom, and were on our way to Bowser’s Kingdom to finally get Peach and Tiara, Cappy’s sister, rescued. Still, heroes have to have their coffee to function like everyone else.

I leaned back in the chair, listening to the Odyssey’s humming engine as I sipped my coffee carefully, trying not to burn myself. Cappy sat, or rather, floated across from me, somehow able to sip coffee without a mouth. I have no idea still how he can do that, and probably never will.

Just as I closed my eyes, the Dorrie plushie I had bought back in the Lake Kingdom fell to the floor for the fifth time that day. It was really lightweight, so any kind of abnormal movement in the Odyssey would cause it to collapse off the shelf.

I leaned over and picked it up, putting it back in its place as Cappy looked out the window. The clouds were apparently coming in, as the sunlight quickly began shrinking out of the Odyssey like a Piranha Plant fleeing from a fireball.

I closed my eyes again, and then Cappy said, “Um, Mario?”

He sounded a bit worried, but I simply thought at first that there was another bird trying to take a crap on the ship again. So, you can excuse my ignoring him at first. I even pretended to snore.

“Mario!” Cappy exclaimed, tapping me in the head. I yawned loudly, and blinked at him.

“Cappy,” I said. “I’ll clean off the ship later.”

“Mario, we may not have a ship if you don’t move.”

My curiosity was piqued now. I peeped out the window, hoping to see something cool.

I wish I hadn’t.

“Mamma mia,” I moaned at the sight in front of me.

Out the window was the largest dragon I had ever seen. It was black, with orange beady eyes that looked with hatred at our puny little ship. Its wingspan had to have been the size of a ten story building, and its head was the size of a school bus. Just a bit big, if you catch my drift.

“I think I’d-a better move-a.” I said. My Italian accent always came out more when I got nervous.

I rushed out the door, and looked up with what I hoped was defiance at the figure riding the dragon. It was none other than my nemesis, Bowser.

“Bowser,” Cappy exclaimed.

“That’s my name,” Bowser rumbled. “And your names will be ashes once my new friend here is done with you!” He laughed heartily, his deep booming guffaws shaking the ship.

“Why don’t you just take me on yourself?” I yelled.

That was a mistake.

“Are you calling me a coward?” he asked in a dangerous voice.

I knew there was no backing out now, so I swallowed and said “Well, you are a coward. Hiding behind your dragon like a little boy hides from his mom.”

Bowser roared with rage. “Alright, my sweet.” He said this to the dragon. “Show them how you destroy pesky plumbers and their friends.”

Twilight Sparkle was panicking. For the seventh time that week.

She was supposed to write a small report on new spells she’d learned, but apparently she needed one more to have a complete report. So she was looking through all of her spell books to find one she liked. This was bad for Spike, mainly because he had to catch the books she dropped, and haul them to the shelf. Most of the books were very large, and weighed almost as much as Spike did.

“Twilight… could you… please… buy… smaller… books?” he gasped as he hauled Modern Spells for the Ages: A Five Volume Collection across the room and tried to pull it up a ladder to the third shelf.

Twilight wasn’t listening of course. “Maybe hypnosis spells? No, too cheesy. Or maybe advanced levitation? No, already did that. Advanced…” her eyes lit up. “Advanced teleportation!”

“Oh no,” Spike moaned as he tried to prevent History of Spell-Casting from falling onto his foot. He knew how badly she’d screwed up basic teleportation at first, and the thought of that happening again on advanced level made him want to hide in his basket for a week.

At the same time, he knew that trying to convince her not to learn this would be like trying to cut through Mt. Everest with a plastic fork. So he kept his complaints down, and settled for merely slamming books on shelves loudly. He called it slam therapy.

“Spike,” Twilight said. “Can you please not slam things?”

“What?” Spike said, slamming How to Make Friends Everywhere onto his own foot.

Twilight ignored the assault of cursing that followed; mainly because she was busy looking at how to cast the spell. “Let’s see…”

She read for about five seconds before the door slammed open.

“Twilight?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she burst inside.

Twilight didn’t even notice.

Rainbow looked at Spike, and the two giggled silently to each other. Spike pulled out a trumpet from the corner, and tiptoed behind the reading Twilight.

“I’m going to try it I guess…” she was saying before a loud blast in her ear surprised even Spike. She gave a loud squeak, and her horn began glowing brightly.

“Oh, no…” Spike and Rainbow said at the same time.

CRASH!!

A bright purple beam blew a hole in Twilight’s recently repaired roof, and shot into the evening sky. The three friends watched it sail into the distance, Spike looking a bit sheepish.

“Well,” Twilight said finally. “There goes more bits into repairs.”

She walked inside, not hearing Rainbow Dash add “Again.”

I gulped. Any trace of bravery I might have had was gone in the face of this beast. I prayed to some god out there who might hear my prayer to spare us.

The dragon’s mouth opened, purple flames beginning to rise up from its nose.

“We’re dead,” Cappy declared. “I-it was n-n-nice working w-with you M-mario.”

“Likewise, C-c-cappy.”

As we prepared to meet our fate, something weird happened.

Actually, what had happened was weird.

This was downright bizarre.

A different purple beam, this one more magenta, suddenly hit the Odyssey. Cappy swears I screamed like a little girl, but I disagree.

The dragon and Bowser disappeared, with the last words I heard the latter say being “What in the __?!”

From there, my brain is a little fuzzy. We just seemed to swim in nothing. I knew I still existed, because my body felt like it was getting twisted five directions at once. I could only breathe in short gasps, and my stomach felt like it had been left back in the Luncheon Kingdom.

Because I lost my lunch too.

I had been through thousands of Warp Pipes, but this felt twenty times weirder. It felt like my body didn’t know which way it wanted to go, or even what it was supposed to do. Very bizarre feeling.

Suddenly, things returned to normal, or as normal as Mario’s life can get. I could see Cappy again, mainly because he was clinging to my mustache for dear life whimpering “I’m dead. My life is ended. I wonder what cap heaven will be like. Will they be friendly there? Will I…” Then he realized he wasn’t dead, and cleared his throat, releasing his hold on me.

I looked down at the clouds below me. “I wonder where we are.”

“Pretty, wherever it is,” Cappy remarked. Then, he sniffed. “Do you smell something burning?”

“I think I farted during the flight, so you might smell that lingering somewhere. Hopefully it doesn’t cause any environmental hazards.”

“No, I mean something really burning.”

I sniffed, and smelled burning metal.

“Oh, dear,” I said, turning around.

The Odyssey was burning. And we were descending fast.

We hit a wind gust, and blew crazily. I wished I had brought a fire extinguisher for the thirteenth time that month.

All at once, the clouds disappeared, and below us was a town, and an eerie forest. I tried to steer the Odyssey toward the town, and at first I was successful. Then the wind decided that wasn’t where we needed to go, and blew us backwards into a large tree.

Cappy lost his grip, and went sailing into a small cottage near the forest, hitting the roof with what I imagined was probably a splat.

I wasn’t so lucky. I managed to hang on for a couple of seconds longer, but then the Odyssey hit another tree and my grip was weakened and broken. I felt like a bird for a fleeting moment, and then my body hit the ground.

The last thing I remember was a strange dragon like creature walking up to me cautiously, before turning around and saying “Twilight, come here!” His voice sounded like it was coming from miles away.

“Wh-where’s the meatballs?” I think I mumbled before my vision became dark and all thought was gone.

Ponies. Why'd It Have to be Ponies?

(Ten Minutes Earlier)

“Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow giggled to herself at the foreseen shout from the restroom. She’d stuck a water bucket over the door, and Twilight almost never paid any attention to where she was going.

The Pegasus heard sloshing clops coming her way, and the sounds of Twilight angrily trying to brush her mane in a presentable fashion. When she finally stepped in front of Rainbow Dash, she had managed to poof her mane up into an Elvis pompadour. It looked so hilarious that Rainbow laughed until tears poured out of her eyes.

Spike suddenly burst into the room, panting heavily. He had been out buying some new books for Twilight (like she needed more) and had been going about his usual business of enjoying the night air while shopping when suddenly an airship of the most bizarre fashion came swooping out of the sky like a majestic hawk, before suddenly lurching around and crashing to the dirt like the hawk suddenly forgot how its wings worked.

Immediately, the baby dragon had zoomed down the street to get Twilight, conveniently forgetting the books in the process. Running through the thick crowd of gathering ponies, he burst into the library and ran upstairs, following the sound of laughter which only Rainbow Dash could make.

What’d she do now? he thought.

He pushed the thought aside, and came upon Twilight Presley glaring at Rainbow Dash hoping that maybe she could use the Stare. It just seemed to not be very effective.

“Twilight… there’s a… thing… that… crashed into… the outskirts… of Ponyville!” he gasped, small ineffective bursts of flame coming from his mouth.

At the mention of “thing,” Twilight’s face suddenly brightened. “Come on, Rainbow Dash,” she exclaimed. “Let’s study it for science.”

“First thing she always thinks of with something new seems to be science,” Rainbow remarked to Spike.

“I think her brain was made with chemistry liquid,” Spike said. “And by the way, did you do her hair?”

He said it both with sarcasm and amusement, combined with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

Rainbow chuckled again, trying to wipe tears out of her eyes so she could see the stairs. “Partly, yeah. I gave her the water, she styled it herself.”

“You know I can’t help falling in love with that hairstyle.”

The two friends laughed as they followed the retreating figure of Twilight Presley.

“It sure is nice being a Pegasus,” Rainbow commented as she flew over her 200th pony. The crowd had gotten so thick that trying to move on the ground was very difficult. Twilight got a pass through because she was Princess Twilight, even if her hair was… unusual to say the least. Rainbow and Spike though had to pretty much fend for themselves; with the blue Pegasus carrying Spike on her back.

As they flew over the sea of… it wouldn’t be humanity… ponanity? Maybe? Anyway… sea of ponies, they heard conversations like this.

“I’ve never seen a more bizarre creature in my life.”

“Its clothes, darling!” They knew this was Rarity. “I can’t really say what is wrong with them, but OH!”

“Sugarcube, ah’m never gonna understand what in tha hay is wrong with overalls. Ah personally don’t ave a probm with ‘em.”

“Well, our friends are here at least,” Rainbow commented.

Suddenly a pink blur appeared right in front of her, a party cannon hooked up to its body.

“WHEEE!!” Pinkie Pie squealed, shooting off a round of confetti and making everyone jump.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Rainbow asked. “What are you…?”

“Gettingreadytothrowapartyofcourse!” Pinkie exclaimed. Then she gave a gasp. “OH, you mean ‘what kind of party’? It’s gonna be the first annual ‘Alien Crash Landing in Ponyville’ party!”

“First annual?” Spike repeated weakly.

Pinkie gasped again. “OH, got party plans to make! Byedon’tstartwithoutmebringapplecidertoo!” And she zoomed away with a final confetti burst.

“Hey, guys!” Spike exclaimed from next to Mario, where he’d managed to get to while everyone was distracted by a typical Pinkie Pie Party Planning Prank or P.P.P.P.P. for short. “Twilight, he’s right here!”

Twilight rushed over, Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash behind her. They found the creature lying below a tree, obviously unconscious. It was wearing blue overalls over a red shirt, with brown shoes. Its hair was brown, and its mustache was a darker brown.

“My, my,” Rarity tutted. “He’s had quite a crash.”

Twilight’s horn suddenly glowed, and everyone found themselves inside Twilight’s library. Twilight’s mane also magically fixed itself.

“That crowd was getting to me,” was all she said. “Applejack, can you dunk some water on this man’s head?”

“Sur’ thing,” the cowboy pony replied, clopping to the kitchen.

“What are you going to do with it, darling? It’s obviously in very poor condition. I’d recommend getting Fluttershy.”

“Good idea,” Twilight said. “Rainbow, can you fly over and get Fluttershy?”

“Will do,” Rainbow saluted before taking off out the open window.

“Ah’m back,” Applejack announced, bringing with her a bucket of ice cold water.

Twilight took it up with her horn and said “For science.” Then, she dunked the bucket right on the man’s head.

Fluttershy had been having a perfectly lovely evening. She had just gotten a cup of tea, fed all the animals, and was just sitting down when suddenly she thought she heard a distant crashing sound.

She jumped and went into an intense listening position, but heard nothing else. Just as she was settling down again, something hit her roof with a loud “THUNK!”

She gave a squeak, and dove under the couch, managing somehow to keep all of her tea in her cup. Remembering that she had made a New Year’s Resolution to be braver, she came out from her hiding spot and put down her tea. Heading to the door, she started talking to herself.

“Be brave, Fluttershy,” she muttered. “Don’t be scared. It was probably one of the squirrels. Just calm down.” She opened the door, and poked one blue eye out.

There was no one there.

“Hello?” she whispered.

No response.

“Someone?”

Still nothing.

Fluttershy slowly opened the door so she could squeeze outside without making a lot of noise. Tiptoeing around to the back, she fanned herself with one of her wings. “Please don’t be a mean creature.”

Meanwhile Cappy was seeing stars. He blinked over and over to rid his sight of them, but they were soon replaced with brighter stars.

“Am I going blind?!” he panicked. “Will I ever see again?” He frantically looked around and saw a house.

“Wait, that house looks normal.” Looking back up, he realized what he had been seeing.

Actual stars.

Cappy cleared his throat, wherever his throat was, and was just turning around when suddenly a yellow Pegasus appeared right in front of him.

“AHHHHHH!!!” Cappy yelled.

“AHHHHHHHHH!!” Fluttershy screamed.

They both dove behind tree stumps, trembling like Chihuahuas that had just drunk 10 Red Bulls.

After about half a minute, they both peeped around the stump.

“Hello?” they said at the same time.

“You can talk?” they said in unison again.

“Who are you?” they said again.

Realizing how funny they sounded, they laughed together.

“Oh, my,” Fluttershy said finally. “I’ve never talked with a top hat before.”

“I’m a Bonnetor, ma’m. From the Cap Kingdom.”

“I have no idea where that is. I’m sorry.”

“No need to be shy Ms…”

“Fluttershy,” Fluttershy said with slight confidence coming back.

“I’m Cappy.”

“Nice to meet you, Cappy.” Fluttershy gave a warm smile, and Cappy found himself liking her already. Her large blue eyes were full of warmth, and she didn’t look like one of Bowser’s cronies. He felt like she was trustworthy.

“Have you seen Mario? Shortish guy about a couple of feet taller than you, wears blue overalls with a red shirt, has a mustache in the shape of a smiley face emoji?”

“I don’t think so,” Fluttershy replied hesitantly. “Is he a friend?”

“Yes, we’re on a mission to save our friends Peach, his friend, and Tiara, my sister.”

Fluttershy wondered to herself how cap reproduction worked. She pushed it aside, knowing that wasn’t important right now. “I think I saw a huge crowd of ponies over there a minute ago.” She gestured with a hoof towards the town. “Maybe your friend caused that?”

“Probably,” Cappy said. “He loves drawing a crowd. Hopefully he doesn’t make crashing the Odyssey a regular way to draw… creatures.”

“Oh, I certainly hope not!” Fluttershy exclaimed. She quickly covered her mouth at how loud she sounded. “Shall we investigate?” she whispered.

“Let’s a go!” Cappy exclaimed. Then he sighed. “I’ve been around Mario too long.”

Just then, Rainbow Dash zoomed up. “Hey Fluttershy, Twilight needs you back at…” she noticed Cappy. “Why does that top hat have eyes?”

“It doesn’t matter right now,” Cappy waved her comment aside. “Have you seen a guy crash…?”

“You mean the guy back at Twilight’s library? The one with the mustache and…”

“That’s Mario!” Cappy exclaimed. “Take us there, please!”

Rainbow Dash gave him a deadpan look. “That’s why I was here in the first place. So let’s get moving already.”

“Come on, Mario!”

“Eat that pasta!”

I was in a pasta eating competition, and Luigi and Peach were in front with Cappy, cheering me on. The other competitors, which included Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser were eating as fast as they could, but I was way faster.

“TIME!” the announcer shouted. “And the winner is…”

His words were literally drowned out by a waterfall hitting me in the head.

A very cold waterfall.

One with ice in it.

My eyes shot open as I gasped and spluttered water out of my mouth and nose. I realized that I had been dreaming.

When I got the water out, though, I realized the dream was much easier to believe. I was seeing the weirdest thing ever, which isn’t easy to accomplish. I had seen plenty of weird things.

This would take the cake (cake sounds good right now).

In front of me were three colorful ponies, one white, one orange, and one purple. Behind them was a purple baby dragon taking a nap. The orange pony was trying to push a water bucket aside, so I knew it was the one who had dunked me.

The purple pony, a unicorn with wings, stepped up and did something that really made me almost faint again.

It spoke.

“Who and what are you?” it asked in a female voice.

I cleared my throat and managed to compose myself. “My name is-a Mario. I’m-a from-a the Mushroom Kingdom-a.” My nervousness was definitely showing. “I’m-a human.”

“We haven’t had humans here in Equestria for thousands of years!” the unicorn gasped.

“Until-a now,” I said.

“So why are ya here?” the orange pony remarked in a southern accent.

“I got hit by some weird purple beam, and then hit a tree and crashed.”

“Sounds like it was your beam Twilight,” the dragon said with his eyes closed. Apparently it wasn’t asleep.

“Go to sleep Spike,” the purple unicorn, Twilight, retorted. “Anyway,” she turned back to me. “Do you have any evil intentions?”

“I’m trying to stop someone who does.”

“I see,” Twilight responded. “Well, I guess we can trust you.” She held out a hoof. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. My friends over there are Rarity, the white one, and the other is Applejack.”

“Thanks for the ice cold bath,” I said sarcastically.

“Ah, don’t be so angry abou’ it,” Applejack said. “We jus’ needed ya to get along and up on yur feet.”

“As soon as possible, we need to get you some clothes!” Rarity greeted.

“I have others,” I said.

“Oh,” was all she had. But then she quickly recovered. “I must inspect them.”

“She’s a fashion designer,” Twilight remarked sidelong to me.

“And beautiful…” I thought I heard Spike say.

“Now, where’s Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?” Twilight wondered.

As if on cue, there was a tapping at the door. I opened it to find myself assaulted with hugs by Cappy.

“You’re alright?!” Cappy asked.

“Right as rain.”

The two ponies behind him, both pegasi, came in. One was yellow with a pink mane, and appeared rather shy, so I assumed this was Fluttershy. The other had a rainbow mane and tail, and had blue fur. Rainbow Dash.

“You must be this ‘Mario’ character,” Rainbow remarked with a yawn.

“Uh… yes…”

“Oh, goodness!” Fluttershy suddenly remarked. “You’re hurt, and badly!” She began directing me upstairs. “Bed, now!”

“Okay, okay.” I opened the door she indicated, and plopped on the bed.

“Anything you need?” she asked.

“Just sleep, now that you mentioned it.” I leaned back on the pillow and watched Fluttershy apparently torn between coming in and leaving. She came in, and sat down next to me. “Is it scary being in a new world?”

“Not as scary as it is thrilling.” I yawned. “But after a while, thrills get rather tiresome.”

“Well, then,” Fluttershy said gently. “Get some rest. You’re going to have a busy day tomorrow.”

“I’m sure,” I replied.

Fluttershy cleared her throat and began singing a lullaby. She had a very sweet voice, one that reminded me of my mother. She used to sing a lullaby to me every night when I was little, back before Bowser and the Mushroom Kingdom. Back when I was carefree and happy.

Back when my parents were alive.

Fluttershy’s voice began making me sleepier, and I leaned back in the pillow. Her hooves pulled the sheets up around my body, just like Mom. I could see her now, tucking me in with a “Good night, Mario. Eat lots of ravioli in your dreams for me.”

Fluttershy finished her song, and left the room, softly closing the door. As I felt sleep overcome me, I thought I heard my mother’s voice once again. “Good night, Mario.”

“Good night, mother,” I said to the stars. “I’ll eat the whole package of ravioli.” I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

End of Day 1

A Royal Pain in the Butt

Author's Note

Hey everyone. Sorry it took so long to put out this chapter, and I also apologize if it's kinda short. Hopefully it is good though. I mainly want to give a shoutout to Superspy2051502 for giving me the ideas for the next couple of chapters. These wouldn't be here without that support.
With that, I guess I'd better stop yammering in this little gray box and get to the story y'all have been waiting impatiently for. So let's a continue!

A Royal Pain in the Butt

I was trapped.

The cage was locked tight, suspended just outside the window of the church, forcing me to view the vile scene before me.

Bowser’s large claws were holding, or rather forcefully pulling, the hand of Peach as a Koopa dressed in a minister’s robe began the vows.

“Do you, your royal Vileness, take the hand of this princess to be your unlawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” Bowser rumbled. I could barely watch as the Koopa turned to Peach.

“And do you, dear princess, take this King of the Koopas to be your unlawfully wedded husband?”

Peach had tears streaming down her face, and Tiara looked on the verge of breaking down herself. Finally, I heard Peach whisper those words I had never hoped to hear.

“I do.”

My hands banged against the cage. I hoped that somebody… somebody… would notice.

But no one did. No one except Bowser himself, who suddenly appeared behind my cage. “Now, I’ll show everyone what happens to nagging annoying plumbers.” He opened his mouth, and began breathing fire on my cage.

As the temperature in the cage rapidly increased, I knew what was happening.

He was going to burn me alive. Like smoked ham.

I prayed in my head for some friendly god or spirit or something to deliver me from this gruesome end.

Suddenly, a bright light enveloped me. The cage vanished, and Bowser disappeared. The temperature cooled, and I found myself in a field, the starry night above me. The moon shone brightly, almost in mockery, because that was where that awful wedding had been held.

Or had it only been a dream?

Or, maybe even a vision?

I turned around to see a pony, larger than Twilight and her friends, a little taller than I was (I’m 5’11, by the way, that’s what’s canon), and was the color of the night sky. On her mane were stars, which seemed to all glow on their own. The pony also seemed to have an air of regality about her, so I knew this must be someone important.

“Greetings,” it said, its voice female. “There is no need to fear.”

“Was that only a dream?” I asked, hoping she’d say yes.

“For now, it is only a dream.” The pony turned her head aside in sadness. “I’m afraid, however, that soon it will become reality unless stopped.”

“I’d stop it if I could,” I declared, my voice breaking. “But the Odyssey is in horrible shape, and I can’t repair it without Power Moons or some kind of powerful magic.” For the first time in a long while, I felt an emotion that you’d never think I’d have.

Hopelessness.

The pony clopped up to me, and put a hoof on my shoulder in a gesture of reassurance. “Don’t give up now. I can talk to my sister, Celestia. The two of us can try to find a spell to fix your ship. We heard about your crash, and I hope you are well.”

“Physically, kinda.”

“I’m here to ask about the mental. I can tell you are not well.”

“Well, with all due respect Ms…”

“Princess. My name is Luna.”

Ironic, considering that she looked like she had been made by stars.

“I am in charge of the night,” she added.

“Whoa, you mean like controlling the night?”

She nodded, and I whistled. “And I thought Peach was powerful.”

“Celestia is in charge of the day.”

Okay, I thought. Weird but cool.

I cleared my throat and continued. “With all due respect, Princess, my ship is in ruins, my body is kinda weak, and in order for the former to work again, I need Power Moons or magic, as I already said. And I already have Power Moons coming out my _.” I didn’t say that very often, but I was pretty miffed about being so close to Bowser, only to end up in the middle of nowhere. I had no idea where I was, and how far it was to Bowser’s Kingdom.

“Don’t despair,” Luna said, giving me a reassuring smile. “I can assure you that your Princess and her Tiara friend are well. For now anyway.” Her face grew grave. “We will find a way to get you to them as fast as possible. For now, I must depart.”

“But how will I be able to find you again?” I asked, feeling Luna fading from me.

Her last words were hard to make out, but I think she said “We will worry about that.”

I awoke in an almost literal pool of sweat, feeling as if I’d sleepjogged all around Ponyville. For a moment, I simply lay there, letting myself try to relax in the morning sunlight that shone through the window.

There were voices coming from downstairs, which I knew were the five friends. I knew I’d need to talk to them eventually, but right now I had to use the restroom in peace and quiet.

Cappy was hanging on a hat stand next to my bed, snoring softly. He was always a late sleeper.

I quickly slipped off the covers, and tiptoed to the door. I slowly opened it, and it creaked as if I had tried to kick it open.

Cappy snorted a bit, but quickly went back to snoring. The voices downstairs faded for a moment, and I heard Rainbow Dash say “Did you hear something?”

Brief silence. And then Twilight said “You’ve been doing that for the last hour, Rainbow. It’s probably his bed creaking. I meant to grease it for a while now.”

Slowly the conversation started up again, and I inched across the hall to the bathroom. Luckily, that door wasn’t nearly as loud, and I managed to get in. It got a little stubborn trying to close, and it made a nice “CLICK” sound when it finally did.

The voices stuttered a bit, but quickly went back to talking. This may be easier than I thought, I said to myself.

Now that I was in the bathroom, it would be simple. I did my business, which was a little tricky, since human behinds weren’t made for pony toilets, and then fished out my electric toothbrush. I had been holding it in my pocket since the previous morning, reason being because I had been called in for coffee right after I had brushed, and then Bowser attacked, etc. I was surprised it still worked after all the beating.

I was also a little surprised about how loud it seemed now that I was trying to be quiet. It fired up with a sound like 200 angry wasps, and it took me clamping my mouth shut over it to get it to be quieter.

The voices stopped, and I heard the country pony say “Ah definitely ‘eard somethin’ now.”

Clopping hooves came up the stairs.

I guess I’m not getting a whole lot of peace and quiet, I thought as the door opened.

Just as the door opened, I also realized I was only in my boxer briefs.

So you can excuse my little shriek of “Don’t come in, I’m ¾ naked!”

Applejack gave me a bemused look. “We all hur don’t never worry ‘bout no clothes. Ah personally don’t know why in thu’ world y’all wear ‘em.”

“That’s just what we do,” I responded, starting to feel a bit cold. “Can you get my overalls, please? I’m getting a bit of a draft.”

Applejack rolled her eyes, but clopped off down the stairs. From below, I heard Twilight say “Is he alright? I heard a bit of a scream.”

“E’s doing peachy,” was the response. “’Ad a little fiasco abou’ his clothes. Says ‘e wants ‘em on.”

“Oh,” was all Twilight said. She followed it quickly with “Well, they’re over there.”

I never knew where “there” was until a couple of days later, when Spike told me he’d washed them, and then used small fire breath to dry them. “There” had been on Twilight’s desk, where she’d been studying them like a biologist studying a specimen. I’m glad I wasn’t told that for a while, especially in my jumpy state.

Applejack returned a minute later with my clothes on her back. “’Ere ya go.”

She used her hind legs to buck them right at me, and I barely managed to catch them.

“Nice,” she said, laughing a bit. She leaned in the doorway, and I waited for her to leave.

After about thirty seconds passed, I cleared my throat.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Privacy?” was my answering question.

Applejack realized what I meant, and shrugged in defeat. “It’s gonna take uh while to un’erstand you human people.” With that, she clopped out of the door, closing it behind her.

I changed my clothes, and then left the bathroom for Cappy. He was still snoozing on the hatstand, and it took me yelling that the seamstress was coming for him to wake up. Honestly, he could sleep through a tornado, and end up finally waking up in another state.

After he landed on my head, I felt complete again. My outfit had sentimental value, and I really didn’t feel like me without it.

I finally walked downstairs, and the five ponies turned to look at me.

I looked at them.

They looked back at me.

Cappy joined in the staring.

We had a stare off for about a minute.

Then I said, “Do any of y’all have pancakes?”

“We’re actually having Spike make some now,” Twilight responded, as the temperature in the room returned to normal.

Before she even finished, I had rushed to the kitchen, and started hovering over Spike, mouth watering. He was probably very uncomfortable, but so was my stomach.

He finally handed me a plate of griddle cakes, and I was just about to take my first bite, when there was a knock at the door.

“Who could that be at this time of morning?” I thought as I went to answer. I got there first, since the others were kind of hesitant. I made sure to put a bite in my mouth as I went.

When I opened the door, the ponies gasped, and I almost spat out my pancakes. As we stared at each other, I said to the blue alicorn “Wow, you really were fast.”

“Welcome Princesses!” Twilight squeaked, trying an awkward bow.

There was a silence for a moment.

I looked at the alicorns, hoping something would come to mind.

Finally, I said “We made pancakes.”

Party, Pie, and Pranks with a Pink Pony

Author's Note

I'd like to say that this Chapter was also co-written by Superspy2051502. Thanks so much man for your help, and the rest of you, please go check him out. I want to say that I am so sorry it took me so long to post. I'll try to be faster next time.

Party, Pie, and Pranks with a Pink Pony

The Princesses must have found what I said amusing; as the white princess snorted and the blue princess let out a giggle. “Thou ist a funny stallion.”

At that moment, I heard Spike make crazy monkey sounds from the kitchen.

“I think it spreads to everybody.”

“Mario, it’s not nice to speak to royalty with your mouth full,” Twilight said, disgust written on her face in pin.

“What?” I asked, my mouth crammed full of pancake. It was a miracle I was able to keep it in my mouth. Twilight glared at me, and I held up a hand to stop what I knew would a tidal wave of complaints. I chewed slowly and deliberately, seeing how long I could go before she got really annoyed.

After about thirty seconds of this, she huffed, and clopped up the stairs. I heard the blue princess give another giggle, and the white princess smiled. “You are indeed quite the entertainer,” the white one said.

I straightened a bit, and then choked on my pancakes. Applejack came up and slapped me on the back until I finally was able to get my throat to cooperate.

“Graci,” I said to the orange pony.

“Do what?” she asked with a hilariously confused expression.

“I think it’s French for ‘thanks.’” I was probably wrong, but I didn’t really care right then.

“Wut’s a ‘French?’”

“You know what, let’s save that discussion for later,” I said, turning back to the amused princesses.

“I suppose we should introduce ourselves,” the blue princess declared. She put a hoof on her chest. “I’m Princess Luna, ruler of the night.”

“Yeah, I remember you!” My face lit up like an overpowered lightbulb. “You were in my dream last night.”

“And I am her sister, Princess Celestia, ruler of the day,” the white one said.

“A pleasure,” I responded, bowing awkwardly. I didn’t know what else to do. Cappy simply blinked his greetings, since he was on my head chewing a pancake. How he ate anything, I’ll never know.

Apparently, Rarity was thinking the same thing, since she suddenly said, “Mario, how on Equis is that… gaudy… accessory even able to eat?”

I simply stared back at her. “In instances like these, its best not to ask.”

“Do you remember how you got here?” Celestia asked, getting right to the point.

My face probably wore a very funny expression as the cogs in my brain tried to move. “If I remember correctly, I was chasing Bowser in the Odyssey when he summoned a HUGE black dragon that slightly glowed a dark purple. The dragon blasted the Odyssey and then a huge flash of light and then I became unconscious. After that I woke up where I think Twilight found me, right?” I asked the mare in question. She nodded and I continued.

“Yeah, I crashed through her roof and she patched me up. Thanks for that by the way. When I woke up Cappy came here with Fluttershy and I told the ones here what happened. After that I felt tired and went back to bed. I had some nightmares which Luna here saved me from, thanks for that by the way, those have been bothering me since I started my journey. And that brings us up to now.” I finished, taking a swig of water that Applejack brought from the kitchen after my choking drama.

“We must ask, who is this ‘Bowser’ pony?” Luna asked.

“Bowser is a giant fire breathing turtle with spikes on his shell. He wants to rule the Mushroom Kingdom along with all the other ones as well, and he plans on doing so by forcibly making Princess Peach marry him.” The ponies were appalled at that.

“That is horrible, nopony should ever be forced to marry one they do not love.” Celestia said with disgust.

I nodded. “That is why I'm trying to stop him but without the Odyssey or Power Moons, I'm stuck here.”

“We may not have or know what these ‘power moons’ are, but we do have airships. Though, those use coal and oil to power them and they are a lot bigger than your Odyssey. Mayhaps we can substitute your normal fuel for magic?” Luna offers.

“I don't know, the Odyssey hasn't taken any other type of fuel then Power Moons. But it's worth a shot,” Cappy says.

“We will get our top researches right on it, and maybe when you can travel again we may be able to assist you in some way?” Celestia offers. The others nodded in agreement. It brought a smile to my face.

“Thank you all so much, this means a lot to me. And Cappy as well, since Bowser stole his sister Tiara. Bowser has been collecting things for his wedding. A huge pot of soup from the Luncheon Kingdom. A special wedding dress from the Lake Kingdom. And several other things I don’t really remember too well.” At that point, my head was hurting a bit, and trying to remember too much was a little overwhelming.

“Either way, one of the last stops should be his kingdom; as he shouldn't be able to go anywhere else. The next kingdom we were supposed to pass by was the Ruined Kingdom, but I guess it's lone inhabitant decided that Bowser and he were BFF’s. And then he decided to wreck my ship.” My gaze went up to the roof. “Joy.”

“I’m sensing sarcasm in that comment,” Spike suddenly said from behind me as he balanced a massive stack of pancakes about as tall as the door the princesses were standing in.

I jumped, and accidentally hit the Leaning Tower of Flapjacks. In turn, this caused the whole pile to fly all over the room, and cover everyone in a pancake party.

“Well, that was a great first impression,” Cappy remarked.

About a half hour later, the pancakes were finally disposed of. The princesses had left, laughing to themselves, and left the rest of us at Twilight’s house.

Speaking of Twilight, she about gave me a heart attack a few minutes after the princesses left. I had just finished using the restroom to brush my teeth, and was walking back into the hall when suddenly she appeared in front of me with an almost insane smile on her face. She was using her magic to levitate a pad and a quill.

“I can’t believe it!” she was hyperventilating. “I get to interview a real alien!”

“You know I’m standing right here?” I remarked after my heart rate slowed down a bit.

She either didn’t hear me or ignored me. “I wonder what his world is like!” She gave a gasp akin to a certain pink pony I would meet later. “Is it a dangerous world?! Will he have lots of exciting tales?!”

“Still here.”

“Oh! Maybe he will tell me about what kind of food they have there. I’m sure that Pinkie would love to know!”

“TWILIGHT!” I finally yelled.

Twilight jumped, and dropped her stuff. “Oops, sorry,” she apologized. “I’m just very excited.”

“Well, maybe you should calm down just a bit, before you end up working yourself into a frenzy and have a heart attack like I almost did when you leaped on me.”

Twilight grinned sheepishly. I could have sworn I heard a plush toy being squeezed somewhere as she looked at me.

“So,” I finally said to interrupt the crickets beginning to chirp around our awkward moment. “You want to interview me?”

“Yeah,” Twilight said, her head turned aside. In a moment, she had gone from over exuberant, to being like Fluttershy.

“That’s fine,” I said. “Just… please don’t be like my English teacher and crowd too many things on me at once.”

“Yay!” Twilight cheered, giving me a quick hug before zooming off down the hallway.

I smiled after her for a moment, before I realized I still had toothpaste in my mouth. And my smiling had caused it to cause a fresh, minty waterfall to splatter onto my freshly cleaned overalls.

“Oh, that’s just wonderful,” I bubbled as I rushed back into the bathroom for a cup.

The interview was relatively uninteresting. Twilight asked me about several things, about what my world was like, about what the food was like, about my adventures saving the princess, and so on. She sat wide eyed as I told her about when I went into deep space. In return, she told me about how Equestria operated; their customs and all that. She told me about their adventures through all the realms of Equestria, and it was pretty interesting hearing about their first encounter with Discord, or their trip to the Crystal Empire.

Finally, though, she asked something out of the blue. “What is Cappy?”

Being taken aback by the sudden question, my mind took a minute to respond. “Well, he’s a Bonnetor from the Cap Kingdom. He joined me after learning we were both after Bowser. We’ve become pals over time.”

“Does he have any cool powers?” she asked.

I sighed. I really hated doing what I was about to have to do again, because it made me and the subject nauseous, but she needed to know.

“Spike, do you mind?” I asked hesitantly.

He was busy reading, so he absent mindedly said “Sure, whatever.”

“Okay, Twilight,” I remarked as I prepared myself. “Don’t freak out please.”

She nodded slowly in confusion, and in nervousness.

I threw Cappy at Spike, and saw Spike stiffen a bit as Cappy landed on his head. I felt that all too familiar, but still uncomfortable sensation of my body being pulled into a huge wall of Jell-O as my body was pulled into Spike’s.

The world went dark for a second. Then, I opened my eyes and looked at myself.

I saw my claws extending, and knew it had worked. As usual.

“Spike?!” Twilight screamed, rushing toward me.

“Not Spike,” I replied, my voice now Spike’s. “I’m in control of Spike. I know it sounds freaky, but I can stop possessing him whenever you want me to.”

“Please stop,” Twilight begged. I felt another bizarre sensation, like being sucked through a vacuum cleaner backwards, before I was back; Spike’s eyes rolling as he groaned a bit.

“He’ll be fine,” I said as Twilight rushed to his side. “A bit sick, but it’ll pass in a couple of minutes.”

It took a couple of minutes to persuade Twilight all was well. After a while, she was convinced, and then suddenly, the other four ponies appeared.

“Guys,” Applejack whisper yelled as if she was James Bond sneaking into enemy territory.

“Oh, is it time?” Twilight asked.

“Time for what?” I asked.

Twilight smirked. “You’ll see.”

The friends led me across town. It was dark again now; the interview had taken a long time. My eyes felt like iron weights were dragging them down, and my feet shuffled lazily along the street as if I was a 65 year old man shuffling to the mailbox early in the morning wearing only a bathrobe and slippers. At one point, I simply collapsed in the street almost asleep, and Rainbow Dash had to carry me on her back all the way to our destination; a house which looked straight out of Candy Land.

“Go on,” Rarity said, shooing me with a hoof. “We haven’t got all night.”

I’d sure like to have all night, I thought. To sleep, anyway.

I groaned like a zombie as I plodded up the stairs at a very slow and leisurely pace, about halfway exaggerated. Finally, I felt Rainbow Dash push me up the stairs, and Rarity behind me exclaimed “Darling, it’s going to be next summer before you get in that house.”

I groaned again, and sleepily opened the door.

“SURPRISE!!!” yelled about 200+ ponies crowding the room.

Instantly, I turned from a zombie into a sloppy ninja. I jumped across the room, and ended up face planting into the opposite wall, barely managing to miss a massive cake in the middle of the room. Behind me, a cannon shot fired a huge blast of confetti.

Before I was even on my feet, a pink pony with a bushy pink mane zoomed in front of me. “Hi!” she said. “I’m Pinkie Pie, I threw this party just for you. Were you surprised? Huh?”

“Quite,” I remarked, wondering if I had left my vital organs in the doorway. “I think you traumatized Cappy.”

Twilight was poking a very still and confetti covered Cappy, who was laying there muttering “Parties, don’t like them. Too many people, too many noises.”

Pinkie didn’t seem to hear me. “I’m throwing the first ever “Strange Alien in Ponyville” party! And you’re the guest of honor!”

I looked around at the almost literal sea of expectant pony faces all waiting for something.

"Say, 'let's party' when you're ready," Pinkie whispered to me.

"Okay," I said hesitantly. "Let's party!"

Instantly, an electric blue maned white pony with purple glasses on started a DJ. All the ponies in the room began to dance.

Cappy and I looked at each other in confusion. This land was going to take some getting used to.

After eating about 5 slices of cake, and playing weird pony style games which I'd never even heard of, I sat down by the wall in the back of the room to relax. To my right was a brown colt with a beanie hat, and to my left was the DJ pony.

I looked at the colt. He seemed to be completely absorbed in a video game he was playing. It looked like a 2-d platformer.

"Alright, come on," he said to his character. "Let's defeat this guy." He began button mashing as fast as he could, almost making a symphony of clicking sounds.

Just as I thought he'd beat the boss, a small white filly with a pinkish purple curly mane clopped up. "Button Mash, do you want any more punch?"

"What?" the colt asked, looking up briefly.

It was long enough to reward him with a "Game Over" screen.

"Aw, no!" he screamed, starting to cry. "Sweetie Belle, I almost had him!"

"Oops," Sweetie Belle said sheepishly. "Maybe our guest of honor could help you?"

Button looked in the direction of her gaze, and finally noticed me.

His eyes widened.

His ears flopped.

His propeller on his beanie began to spin.

"It's... it's..."

"What?" Sweetie and I asked at the same time.

Button suddenly rushed through the crowd of ponies and fled into the night.

"Don't worry," Sweetie told me. "He's a little... eccentric, but he's real nice once you get to know him."

"IF I ever get to know him," I responded. In my mind, I wondered just how far my fame had gone.

Cappying It All Off

Sunlight streamed through the window. And into my face.

Believe me, the last thing you want in early morning is sunlight glaring right in your sensitive eyeballs.

I quickly sat up, blinking rapidly. My vision was still blurry from sleep, and it was made even worse by sunspots. I pretty much had the vision of a bat.

It took a couple of minutes, but finally I could see fully again. The first thing I saw was Spike across the table, snoring softly. He somehow still had his cup of water in his claw, and was cradling it like a teddy bear. It was a miracle he hadn't spilled any. I guess it's the miracle of the unconscious mind.

Apparently mine wasn't as adept, because the second thing I saw, or rather felt, was my nightclothes, completely doused in water. It was recent.

"Oh, just peachy," I grumbled to myself. Getting up, I sloshed across the room to the hall, my slippers squeaking on the floor. I'm sure Bowser would have trembled in fright if he had seen me then.

I fussed and mumbled all the way to the restroom, and all the way through changing into my overalls. I finally stopped when all of my wet clothes were off of me, and I felt dry-ish.

When I was done changing, I went back into the kitchen just in time for Spike to yawn and stretch. And make his cup of water douse him in the face.

He gasped and shot water out of his mouth nose and ears like a broken garden sprinkler. It looked hilarious and bizarre at the same time. I snorted with laughter, but realized too late that apparently some water had hidden in my nose until then. So, I joined Spike in watering the kitchen like a true Master Gardener. No watering can required.

That's where a sleepy Twilight found us when she came into the kitchen, eyes bleary.

"What are you guys doblubblub?!?!" she began before getting a face full of water that spurted from my nose after a particularly bad sneeze. It woke her up fast, and styled her mane in a way that made her look like Billie Joe Armstrong. It just made us laugh, which made us choke on water again, which made us water the garden some more.

When we finally got all of the water out of our system, the rest of the Mane Six had come down, and they had had their laugh over Twilight. She'd gotten fixed up, and the morning was already a great one.

"So," she said after finishing her grumbling. "What did you want to do today, Mario?"

I thought for a moment. "I'm for just walking around. Getting to know everything."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Bo-ring."

I gave her an easy gaze. "If I wanna be boring, than I can be boring."

She huffed, but said nothing more.

"Where do you wanna walk to?" Twilight asked.

"Nice and easy, now," Fluttershy guided.

I stared at the birds, trying to look casual. Most birds thought bipedal creatures with mustaches were a bit... unnerving... to say the least.

"Now, just gently scatter the seed."

The seeds poured onto the grass with a sound like Niagara Falls, and the birds chirped noisily as they flew away.

I sighed with frustration. "That went well."

Fluttershy put a hoof on my shoulder. "It's alright. It's always a bit scary at first, but you'll learn soon."

I gave a deep sigh, this time with a sensation I hadn't felt in a long time.

Peace.

"Are you okay, Mario?" the Pegasus asked.

I looked at the scenery around me, enjoying the fresh air, air much fresher than the dirty New York air, or even the Mushroom Kingdom air. The mountains seemed to smile upon everything, and the sun beamed on the two of us, two different intelligent species making a connection.

I was making history, but I didn't care then. Talking to these ponies was very similar to talking to a person. They had a few cultural differences, such as substituting "pony" instead of "body," but all in all, we were very alike. Just different in body.

I didn't respond to Fluttershy's inquiry for a moment. When I did, it came out rather husky. "I haven't felt this peacefull since... I don't know when."

Fluttershy smiled. "I'm glad you feel so wonderful. Equestria is a land of magic and friendship, but we believe in peace as well."

"Tell that to Pinkie," I remarked, remembering the hyper pink party pony who'd nearly given Cappy cardiac arrest. Or would that be capdiac arrest?

Fluttershy giggled. There was a kind of grace in Fluttershy's behavior that intrigued me. She had the exterior of a peaceful lamb, but I sensed an inside of steel. This was a pony I felt comfortable with.

We sat and talked in the sunlight for a while. Fluttershy was gradually getting more at ease, and she had lots of stories to tell about her and her friends' adventures across Equestria, some of them sounding even more grand than my own adventures. I told her my adventures, and we shared jokes, and had a great time.

Finally, Fluttershy had to go inside to tend to her housekeeping, and she bid me farewell.

I smiled and walked down the road, eyes closed, enjoying the fresh, afternoon air.

My happy reverie was cut short by some kind of projectile hitting me in the face.

I gave some kind of strange sound probably only comparable to a sea lion in need of medical attention, and looked around for the pony that could have hit me.

I saw nothing.

Muttering to myself about kids, I looked on the ground and saw a piece of paper.

It read "Come meet me in front of Sugarcube Corner." It was signed, "BM."

I frowned. Either someone wanted to talk to me, or this was some prank. No matter which direction, I was understandably hesitant.

Still, this was Equestria.

I stuck the paper in my pocket, and walked quickly towards Sugarcube Corner. Several ponies stared at me as I walked by, and some started whispering to each other. I ignored them, and concentrated on my task.

When I got to the end of the street overlooking Sugarcube Corner, I saw a small hooded figure standing by the door of the house in question. It seemed impatient, and kept looking around nervously.

When it saw me, it quickly gestured with a brown hoof. I cautiously approached. It could be a trap.

I reached the figure, and it pulled me close. "You're Mario, right?" it whispered.

"Yes..." I said hesitantly.

"I have a lot I need to discuss with you, but not here."

"Where do you want to..."

The figure suddenly lashed out, and hit me in the head with a very hard object that clanged through my skull. I felt the reverberation go through every corner of my skeleton, before the world went dark.

Mashing All The Wrong, Or Maybe Right, Buttons

Author's Note

Well, I sure wasn't very "Quick" about this chapter. But, it's finally here guys! Sorry it took so long, and sorry if it isn't quite as good. I've started a job recently, so it's causing a few issues. But, here it is, and please do enjoy the newly produced weirdness!

Mashing All The Wrong, Or Maybe Right, Buttons

"Button Mash, why did you hit this... creature? You could have severely hurt it!"

"Mom, I had to!"

"You didn't have to do anything! You and your schemes are going to give someone a concussion!"

Said that a little late, I thought, feeling like I'd had just that. My head felt like it was underwater, and my body felt like it suddenly had no gravity.

Then with a jolt, gravity returned, and I felt the cold hard feeling of a wood floor smoosh my face like a living pancake.

I made a sound like a kitten that was suffocating, and my feeling of weightlessness turned into feeling like I had the weight of a boulder. And my head felt like a Thwomp had taken a nap on it.

The voices awkwardly faded, and fast hoof clopping ensued. It drew closer. Finally, a mare with a brown mane and a twinkle in her blue eyes appeared in the doorway. She rushed forward and helped me up.

"Are you alright sir?" she asked.

"Can the world slow down a bit?" I asked, feeling like a top.

She sighed with relief. "At least you're conscious," she said. "My son," she emphasized "son" with a bit of an edge that I remembered from my mom. The edge which basically means "He's in deep trouble." "My son decided to smack you in the head, and bring you here like he's capturing someone in a spy movie. I swear one day..." her voice trailed off.

"It's alright Ms..."

"Love Tap." She extended a hoof, and I missed it. The world was still spinning around.

"Button Mash?" she said louder. "Come in here and apologize!"

Slowly, a small colt shuffled into the doorway. He was the small brown colt with the propeller hat I'd seen at my welcoming party. When I said so, he smiled awkwardly.

"Heh, yeah. I overreacted a bit."

"A bit?" his mother asked, raising an eyebrow.

Button thought for a second. "Maybe a bit more than a bit. But, I'm sorry for hitting you in the head." Then he suddenly gave a very long drawn out sigh of relief. "Whoo, got that done. Bye!" And he sprinted out of the doorway, and less than two seconds later I heard a crash, followed by "I'm okay!" then a door slamming shut.

It was my turn now to raise an eyebrow at Button's mom.

"He's probably playing on his games again."

"What are some of his favorites?" I asked.

"Well, he loves playing 'Super Mare-io Odyssey.'"

Real clever pony pun on my name, I thought with a mental eye roll.

"Madam," I said. "That's a game based on me." I drew myself up a bit. "And it's pronounced 'Mario.'"

I reached up for my hat, and then remembered I didn't have one. Cappy was still back at Twilight's, since he didn't come to Fluttershy's. And they must all be quite worried about me now.

Let them worry, an inner voice said.

"Mind if I see what your son is playing?" I asked.

Love Tap was still recovering from the shock of talking to a video game character, so she kinda squeaked out "Sure. By all means!"

I tried not to fall over as I stumbled like a drunk elephant out of the room and up the stairs. Boy, climbing stairs while dizzy feels like trying to climb stairs on a ship in the middle of a storm. Fun.

It probably took a good couple of minutes before I finally made it to the top. Button's room was right at the end of the smaller hallway, and I put my ear to the door.

I could discern my own voice, followed by Button saying "Come on Mare-io!"

"It's pronounced 'Mario.'" I said for the second time in five minutes as I came in.

Button whipped around to see me. His propeller began to spin, and his eyes widened.

"Breathe..." I said, trying to be as calming as possible.

Button started breathing like a train going 90 miles an hour through a straightaway.

"Slower..."

Button slowly began going slower. At last, he seemed to calm. "Sorry," he said again. "Still hard to believe I'm actually talking to you!" He got right in my face. "Are the games accurate to what really happened to you? Where's Cappy? Are you chasing Bowser?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I exclaimed, making a time out sign. "One at a time."

Button sat down, silently staring at me. When I didn't start immediately, he said "Come on! My hooves are itching." He gestured towards his Nintendo Switch.

Wonderful choice I thought. You certainly are making this story very interesting in many ways, Mr. Author.

Hey, how can you see me?

It's called the magic of Equestria, I suppose.

Okay, well this conversation is weirding out the people reading this. You'd better get back to Button. He's looking pretty itchy. Here we go again.

I cleared my throat. "First off, yes. Some things about the games are exaggerated, but not a whole lot. I'm pretty sure it might have been luck, but I am pretty cool."

Way to ham it up, Mr. Big Shot.

This is my story, author.

Buttons' eyes widened. "Cool!"

Yes?

He's not calling you.

Oh... I'm gonna go now, before I cause a bunch of dislikes.

"Yeah. And to answer the next one, he's at Twilight's. I... kinda forgot him."

"You forgot...?" Button looked really confused, then he started laughing. I saw the humor of my own stupidity, and laughed too.

Finally, Button stopped laughing, and suddenly said "What about Bowser?"

I stopped too. "He's got Peach. Only this time, it's more than that. I'm just not sure what."

"I know," Button said. He pulled out the "Mare-io Odyssey" cartridge after saving his game, and read it like he was a palm reader at the local circus. "He's planning to take over every kingdom. One at a time, until he rules the entire universe."

"Sounds typical."

Button gave me an awed look. "You're so casual about this."

"I'm used to him making drastic plans."

"Well," Button said. "There's even more." He gave me a sad look. "You may be the one overreacting to this news."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well, at least according to my game, Bowser plans to marry Peach. It's official in fact. They will be married in seven days."

My heart suddenly seemed to flop into my stomach and digest there. My mouth opened and closed like a suffocating fish. "I... I... no... Peach wouldn't... I couldn't..."

"Breathe..." Button said, trying awkwardly to pat me on the shoulder.

Oh the irony, I thought, remembering just a minute ago when I'd said the same thing to Button.

I recovered, and started feeling an emotion I hated feeling.

Hopelessness.

"I can't let this happen," I breathed.

"You can do it Mare-io... Mario. Sorry. You always do."

I tried to give a confident smile, but on the inside, I felt dead. Was my luck starting to run out at last? Would this adventure of mine be my last?

"Button!" his mom yelled from downstairs. "Time to eat supper!"

"OKAY!" Button yelled. Boy, that colt had a powerful set of lungs.

"Excuse me while I regain the use of my ears," I said to myself.

"Care to join us?" Button asked. Before I could even open my mouth to respond, he grabbed me by the arm. "Too late, you're coming."

Well, I thought as I felt my arm scream in pain from his surprisingly strong grip. This will be an interesting evening.

The Fart of July

Author's Note

Happy early July 4th everyone! The next chapter is now out, almost on time. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you enjoy the little twist I add here.

The Fart of July

(Alternate P.O.V. in Mario and Luigi's home.)

Luigi hummed to himself, a little off-key. Might as well do something kinda enjoyable while washing dishes.

He looked at the clock for the 200th time that morning, and sighed. It was only 9:00. Another long day of waiting ahead.

Luigi was by now used to Mario suddenly disappearing and going off on adventures. He had been listening on the news to the latest coverage of Mario's latest adventure, but a couple of days ago, the Odyssey had suddenly vanished over the Ruined Kingdom under mysterious circumstances. People had many different theories about what had happened, anywhere from strong winds to aliens. Or even... magic.

Luigi snorted at the thought. Sure, some things here in the Mushroom Kingdom were a little unusual, but magic? Especially teleportation? Someone extremely powerful would have to be able to do that. And Luigi didn't think anyone or anything over there would be able to do something like that.

Sure, Luigi was a little nervous at Mario's disappearance, but not frightened. He figured Mario would turn up sooner or later with more or less of a "Fooled you!" attitude. In the meantime, Luigi had nothing to do but keep the house clean and wait.

And deal with unusual guests.

Wario and Waluigi often came by unexpectedly for something or other almost every day. They always seemed to show up around lunchtime, and were always immediately at the table to enjoy some of Luigi's lasagna, or whatever he cooked. If there was one thing Luigi was good at, it was cooking. Even if it did give Wario the farts. But then again, everything gave him the farts.

Luigi's mind returned to his dish washing, and he realized he had washed and rinsed the same dish about five times now.

Well, he thought with a smile. It's extra clean anyway.

He washed the last dish, and drained the water before walking to the living room. He sat on his green (of course) armchair, and looked at the calendar.

Then he quickly got up and ran out of the room. Well, tripped over the desk nearby and rolled out of the room, technically, but you get it.

It was the 4th of July.

And he forgot to put the American flag on his door.

Luigi searched through his cabinets, and through everything, even looking in his toilet bowl. Finally, he found it sitting, guess what, on the desk he'd tripped on. He'd put it there just this morning to remember later.

Feeling silly and hobbling on a sore toe, Luigi went outside and hung the flag. He stood for a moment and admired how it swayed in the small breeze that blew.

Then, Luigi smelled the breeze. It smelled like garlic and something else... very disgusting.

He turned and saw Wario coming up the walkway.

Luigi sighed, and said "Good morning, Wario."

Wario grunted in response, and pushed his way inside, farting at a hummingbird that got a little too close to him.

Luigi sighed again, and followed Wario's dangerous behind cautiously, hoping Wario wouldn't target him too.

Wario immediately sat at the table and looked at Luigi expectantly.

"Sorry," Luigi said. "Haven't made anything for lunch yet."

"Come on!" Wario grumbled. "I haven't eaten anything in a whole hour!"

Luigi rolled his eyes. "Can you please at least wait for another hour?"

"But..." Wario thought to himself, which was challenging for him. "That's another 60 minutes!!!" He groaned in anguish. "I will starve..."

Luigi left him sitting there moaning about how the world was unjust, and decided that he needed to sit on the back porch. Especially when he heard a loud fart erupt from behind him like a nuclear blast. That made him walk a bit faster.

Suddenly Wario appeared beside him.

"Where you going?" he asked.

"I was going to go be by myself for a bit, but someone is making that complicated."

"Really?" Wario wondered, looking around. "Whoever they are, they're quite rude."

Luigi ignored him, and tried to quickly go outside and close the door before Wario got out.

He didn't make it. Wario shoved through the door, and plopped at one of the seats near a table. Luigi sighed again, and sat as far away from Wario as he could.

The two sat, looking out at the lush hills and green trees flowing out into the distance, with mushroom shaped mountains far off almost out of sight. On a hill not too far away was Peach's castle, where undoubtedly Toads were bustling about, desperately hoping for their princesses' return. But for now, Luigi just enjoyed the peace and the serenity...

And then Wario released another butt blast. And the mood was ruined.

Luigi sighed. He knew Wario was like this every day.

What he didn't know was that in Equestria, Twilight was busy trying to practice a spell to transport Mario back to the Mushroom Kingdom. She'd want it later. Unfortunately for her, but fortunately for you Luigi fans, her spell was once again interrupted when across time and space, she heard a loud fart. It caused her to lose her concentration and send out a beam towards the source.

Luigi didn't notice the purple beam until Wario started farting rapidly like an ambulance siren and pointing at the sky.

The green plumber looked up just in time to be swallowed in bright purple light. He let out a surprised yelp, and screamed "MAAAAAAAAAAAAARIOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" as he began to vanish.

As suddenly as it had come, the light vanished.

So too, did Luigi.

All that was left was a very surprised Wario, who gave a confused fart before getting up and heading back down the street.

(Mario's P.O.V. Button Mash's house)

"How long has it been since you've eaten, again?" Button's mom asked, eyebrow raised at my scarfing.

"Three hours," I exclaimed, my stomach growling intently at my slowness to provide it with some kind of sustenance.

"And you're that hungry?" she inquired?

"Got to always be full of something," I remarked, as I dove into my sandwich. It may have been peanut butter, but it was good to my hungry tummy.

Button Mash sat beside me, still staring at me with a cartoonishly funny awed look on his face as if I was a famous movie star that had just given him a signed poster. I tried hard to concentrate on eating, because looking at him for longer than three seconds would get me laughing. Which would make me choke on my food. Not a good first impression.

I finished my food, and let Button's mom take my plate. I figured I'd be full for the next hour anyway.

Groaning, I realized I needed to take a restroom break. I went down the hall, and just as I was about to enter, I realized Button Mash was still following me with that look still on his face.

"Um," I said, waving a hand in front of him. "I'm trying to use the loo, if you don't mind."

Button finally seemed to remember what reality was. "Oh, right, sorry..." He gave an awkward smile as he stepped backwards and fell backwards down the stairs. "Oh, horseapples…" I heard.

"Language," his mother warned.

I smiled, and closed the door to do my business. As I did, I thought about what Button has said only a half hour before. Bowser means to marry Peach. They will marry in three days.

"Well," I said aloud. "I can't believe you did it Bowser. I never thought you'd do it."

This is Bowser we're talking about another voice inside me said.

"Yeah," I said to my unseen voice. "But what would stop him after that from finding me? He'd locate me and find..." I realized then the mortal peril I was putting everyone in Equestria in. I had to get to Twilight's immediately.

I rushed out of the bathroom, and tumbled down the stairs the same way Button had.

"What's wrong?" Button's mom asked.

"I've got to get back to Twilight's now!" I panted. "Bowser will be here looking for me with his entire fleet. Lives are at stake."

She seemed about to protest, but she knew that if I existed, Bowser existed. And he wasn't one for warnings. He was one of those "blow everything up, ask no questions" kind of people.

"Okay," she said. "Just be careful. It's only 4 in the morning, so watch where you step."

"Thanks," I said. "Button, you can come with, if your mom will allow."

"Please, mom?" Button asked, making an adorable puppy dog face.

"Be safe," she relented, giving him a hug. "I love you son."

I smiled and walked out the door as Button followed. I broke into a run as I left the walkway, and Button moved to match my pace on his small hooves.

"Where's Twilight's from here?" I asked between gasps of air.

"Just keep going down this road!" Button gasped back. "You'll see Pinkie's soon."

Sure enough, after about two minutes, Pinkie's distinctive Candy Land house came into view. I dashed in front of it, and saw Twilight's tree house (not to be confused with treehouse, very different) a couple of blocks away.

Luckily, hardly anyone was about at this early hour, and I made it very easily to Twilight's doorstep. I knocked frantically, not noticing a purple comet soaring in the sky.

"Yeah?" a bleary-eyed Spike asked as he opened the door. His face brightened a bit when he saw me. "Oh, Mario! You made it back!" He looked at Button. "Sup."

Button smiled awkwardly back.

"I have to speak to Twilight now," I said. "It's urgent."

"She's asleep..." Spike yawned as he raised his eyes to the sky. "The stars look really ni…" he suddenly snapped wide awake as he stared at something in the heavens. "Mario?"

I looked where he gazed, and saw the purple comet. It was heading fast right towards us.

"Look out!" I yelled and we scattered. Spike slammed the door, Button dove into a nearby hay cart, and I ran into an empty house nearby, possibly belonging to some rich family on vacation. Keys apparently were nonexistent here.

I heard a loud crash erupt as the comet struck in a field right behind Twilight's house. The force of it made my entire body rattle, and made the house shake. I waited for a minute before cautiously going outside.

Button peeped out from his hay bale, and we made eye contact. I nodded, and he slowly followed me to the crash site.

Twilight was already there with her pin and paper, Spike close by, hiding in a bush. She looked at me and we nodded at each other.

I stepped forward. "Whoever you are, what are you and how did you get here?"

I heard a groan. It somehow sounded familiar.

"Come out of there so we can see you," Twilight said.

As the smoke cleared, the figure stepped forward. I was not expecting someone in a green undershirt, blue overalls, and a green cap to appear.

My face wore a comedic expression as I finally found enough voice to squeak, "Luigi?"

A Very Awkward Meeting

Author's Note

Took me long enough eh? Well finally, on my seventeenth birthday, I have the next chapter out for your enjoyment. Stay tuned for next time, because things will start ramping up. Maybe I won't take as long. Maybe. Well, anyway, enjoy? Please?

A Very Awkward Meeting

"Is he ever going to wake up?" the impatient Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she hovered over Luigi's unconscious form.

"Darling," Rarity tried to soothe. "He needs some time to recover. After all he looked like he'd had a rough journey here. And apparently the mere sight of us was a bit unnerving as well. Wait... is it... my MAKEUP???!!!" The white pony immediately dashed upstairs for the nearest mirror.

I sighed, and poured another cup of coffee, necessary for a plumber who didn't sleep at all that night. It was about 4 in the morning now, and wasn't worth going to bed, even if my brother wasn't here. He was though, for better or worse.

"Wait, I saw a twitch!" Twilight remarked.

But Luigi simply rolled over and started snoring. Apparently he had just gone from being unconscious to being asleep. Only Luigi.

I cleared my throat. "Should I pour some of my coffee in his ear?"

"No..." Fluttershy said. "That wouldn't be nice at all."

"Well, what else can we do?"

Fluttershy clopped over to Luigi and said gently "Um... please wake up Mr. Luigi."

Luigi seemed to snore even louder.

Rarity returned from her excursion at the mirror and said loudly "Well darling, I had an eyelash facing the wrong direction and completely ruining my entire…" she noticed Luigi still asleep. "Has our guest still not been awoken?"

Spike suddenly came up behind her with a horn. "Leave that to me."

We watched as Spike walked up to Luigi's head, put the horn to his lips, and let out a blast.

Luigi suddenly jumped into the air like a sloppy Spider-Man, and hit his head on a ceiling rafter. He came back onto the couch with a loud thunk, blinking to rid his sight of the constellations.

"You awake now?" Rainbow asked, rolling her rose colored eyes.

Luigi blinked at her, apparently trying to make his eyes a bad Sony camera that takes thirty seconds to focus on something. When he finally did focus, his eyes widened.

"You all are po… you're all po… po…"

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked, crossing her forelegs in the air.

Luigi simply sputtered for about another minute, before I finally came over and said "Luigi, can you please not speak like that? You sound like a broken tea kettle."

Luigi finally took a breath in, and said "Well, I'm talking to technicolor ponies. Not exactly unusual for us."

"Sounds like the name of a play," Rarity declared. "'Mario and the Amazing Technicolor Ponies.'"

I laughed, having heard of a play similar to that name back in Brooklyn.

"You're probably wondering why I decided to come here as a vacation destination," Luigi began. "The truth is..."

We all leaned in.

"Well, you see..."

We all came even closer, making Luigi start to feel a bit claustrophobic.

"Well... I... uh..."

"WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash finally exploded, making Luigi jump.

"I have no idea," Luigi finally squeaked, making us all break out of our little circle with groans of irritation.

"Well, seeing as you are here..." I said in a tone which made Luigi stare at me with a very confused expression. By confused, I mean raised eyebrow almost up his hat, the other eye wide with interest, head cocked like a dog listening for a rabbit, and his whole body tilting almost in the shape of a half moon. Very strange.

As I fought back laughter, I began explaining what Button Mash told me about Bowser. As I explained things, Luigi's face grew less confused, and more scared. By the time I'd finished, it looked like I'd need to put buckets under him to stop the sweat.

"Well..." was all he could manage before he rushed to the restroom to release a suddenly very tight bladder.

Twilight shook her head and laughed a bit. "Your brother is quite bizarre, Mario."

I laughed too. "One thing's for certain, Twilight, he never ceases to entertain."

As we waited for Luigi to finish his panic attack, I began pacing through the kitchen. Despite my laughter, I still felt unease. I tended to laugh more when I was uneasy. I hated feeling uneasy, because to me it felt like weakness, but nevertheless, it persisted. So, I did the one thing I knew helped my feelings.

I went to Twilight's cookie jar and snuck about five cookies into my pocket. I picked up a sixth, and began munching on it. Chocolate chip. The best cookie.

As I ate, I made some coffee as well, while also continuously looking around to make sure Twilight wouldn't sneak behind me and see me stealing her cookies. It made me feel like a soldier sneaking into an enemy camp to steal the sacred cookie.

When the coffee finally finished, I turned around and suddenly found myself staring into two rose colored eyes.

"What in the hay are you doing?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. I jumped, and the coffee in the mug flew in the air, somehow once again landing in the cup with a sploonk or however it's spelled.

I stared at her, slowly chewing with what must have been a very humorous expression on my face, as Rainbow suddenly started laughing. I laughed too, and we chuckled quite a bit, until soon, we were full blown hysterical. Unfortunately, this attracted Twilight.

"What in the..."

"Run!" Rainbow said, her voice cracking. I stuffed another cookie into my pocket, and fled upstairs, closing the door behind me and locking it. I heard Twilight yelling at Rainbow downstairs, and heard the blue Pegasus laughing. I smiled, and ate another cookie, looking out the window at the descending moon. For some reason, it made me feel uneasy again.

"Peach, I hope you're okay," I whispered to myself.

"She won't be for much longer," a voice said.

From behind me appeared Luna, which made me drop my cookie onto the street below, almost hitting a gray mailpony with rather bizarre yellow eyes. She descended upon it, sniffed it, and then moved on, muttering something about muffins.

"Is Bowser...?"

"Yes." Luna clopped beside me, and I thought she looked a bit uncertain herself. "He is getting almost insane with the thought of destroying you. In two days, he plans to find his way here to Equestria, and destroy us all."

Lovely stuff, huh?

Why are you here again?

This chapter is on my 17th birthday. Just pointing that out. Nobody even has a party hat.

Did someone say party?!?!?!

Pinkie, you may be able to break the fourth wall, but there's no way you can...

INEEDTOFINDMYPARTYCANNONBYE!

……………….

Should I get back to the actual story now?

………………………

Yeah...

I figured. Everyone reading is probably very confused right now.

"Who art thou talking to?" Luna asked.

I shrugged. "My inner voices?"

"Anyway," Luna continued. "We don't have much time. And by the way, this is a dream you're in."

"Well, I fell asleep fast then."

"I made you fall asleep."

"Oh," I said. "Could I borrow you on Friday nights? Luigi always has issues with insomnia then."

Luna ignored me. "Good luck Mario. Remember that you're not alone. And even if the darkness descends, light will rise again. "

I opened my eyes, and found myself lying on the floor with my cookie still in my hand. I put the rest of it in my mouth, and looked out at the rising sun.

Even if the darkness descends, light will rise again.

I smiled. "Very poetic."

I plopped down on my bed, and finally around five in the morning, I found a peaceful sleep.

Journey to... Where?

Author's Note

Wow. A month and a half's wait y'all. I really apologize for taking so long, but I'm on my senior year of high school now, and with so much going on, it's really hard to sit down and do this. But, I finally got it done! Hopefully, you enjoy the next installment of craziness. So, yeah. I'll be quiet so I can continue the story.

Journey to... Where?

Morning came early. Well technically morning is always early. But... yeah you know what I mean.

I awoke to Cappy tapping on my head, saying "Mario. Mario. Mario." I gave an exaggerated yawn and stretched so hard I thought I gained five inches of height by doing so. Finally, I blinked up at the floating hat. "That time already?"

"Yes, Mario," Cappy said frantically. "We need to be at the Princesses' castle in an hour and a half."

Before he could say more, I dashed out of my room and into the restroom.

I set a new world record for fastest teeth brushing in the world, and then probably at least won a medal for a nice and speedy face washing, or what Luigi called later "Face Peeling," since I was going so fast I almost took off my face as well. I didn't need to look that guy from Gotham who lost his face.

Less than two minutes after I went in, I was back out, jumping down the stairs while simultaneously trying to shove my overalls on. I ended up tumbling down the stairs, and got completely tangled up in my clothing.

Luigi came out of the kitchen and saw me lying on the floor. He started to snicker. "Spike?" he called back into the kitchen. "Look at Mario."

Spike came out, and spotted me lying in a heap at the base of the stairs. He started laughing. "Did you trip on your overalls?" When I grumpily gave an attempt at a nod in my awkward position, he laughed some more. "Overalls? More like Over-Falls!" He and Luigi laughed harder, not noticing Twilight and the crew walking in.

"Oh, goodness!" Fluttershy exclaimed at the sight of me. She quickly untangled me from my rather disgruntled clothing, and helped me get my overalls on the right way. Cappy flew onto my head, and I adjusted him until he looked just like a regular hat again.

I brushed myself off, and tried to look like I meant to do what I did. "So," I said, looking around at everyone. "We need to be at Canterlot in..." I looked at my watch. "An hour and twenty minutes."

"EEEP!!!" Twilight exclaimed, beginning to bolt out the door so fast Rainbow Dash looked slightly impressed. Slightly.

"I guess... follow her?" Spike asked.

I shrugged and said "Yeah, in Twilight terms anyway." We briskly followed behind her out of the tree house and towards the train station.

"I... never... thought.... that.... Twilight could... run... this fast....!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

We had been running nearly nonstop for the past ten minutes, and I started to wonder how many cups of coffee Twilight had had before she had her panic attack. Her wings were flared outwards, and her hooves barely even touched the ground as she flew onwards.

Just as my lungs began to threaten to collapse like the Berlin Wall, the train station came in view. I almost never before or since felt so happy to see a building.

I wasn't alone in this thought either, because after we ran inside and we finally stopped, Rarity began kissing the cement floor so dramatically, it was like she thought someone was watching her, and she was showing off. Rainbow Dash was fine, she just flew the whole way, Fluttershy as well. The rest of us without wings all were panting, well, I was a bit out of breath, but I've run so much in my lifetime that it was very slight.

As Luigi and the wingless ponies continued to search for their lungs, which Luigi panted he might have left behind near one of the houses about two blocks ago, I watched Twilight as she breathlessly exclaimed to the ticket pony "I need..." she counted all of us "...nine tickets for Canterlot!"

The ticket pony, who was probably old enough to be Twilight's grandpa's grandpa, slowly began looking at his papers. Eventually, he wheezed "What?"

Twilight sighed in frustration. "Eight...tickets...to....Canterlot!" She pronounced every syllable very distinctly and loudly.

"Ah... yes..." the ticket pony sighed, but in blissful remembrance. "I remember when I lived there as a young colt. It was quite a beautiful place..."

"TICKETS!" Twilight yelled, looking ready to blast the pony back to Canterlot.

"Oh, right!" the pony exclaimed, looking at his papers. "You said eight correct?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Nine."

"For Canterlot?"

Twilight looked ready to turn into the Hulk by now. "YES!"

"Alright, alright, hold your horses young lady."

"We need to be there in an hour!!"

"Well, the last train for Canterlot left about five minutes ago. If you want a train, you'll have to wait about half an hour."

"HALF AN HOUR?!?!" we all exclaimed, our breaths back by now.

"Yup," the ticket pony declared. "Afraid so. Very sorry princess, but there's nothing I can do."

"Well, there's certainly something I can do," Twilight said, her horn lighting up. For a second, I thought she was about to blast that pony like I thought she might, and I ran forward to stop her. Suddenly, everything went purple.

Then, the world returned, and I staggered to the ground.

To my right, Luigi blinked rapidly. "What in the $%^& just happened?" he asked.

"Language!" Fluttershy exclaimed in disapproval.

"I used a teleporting spell," Twilight explained.

"Why did you not just do that from the get go?" I asked, giving her an eyebrow raise.

Twilight looked sheepish, and I heard a plush toy going "Squee!"

I decided then to look at where we were. We were standing on a sidewalk in a very luxurious town, much richer than Ponyville. Ponies in suits and dresses walked the streets, talking but rarely laughing.

"Cheerful place," Luigi remarked sarcastically.

"Canterlot," Twilight said. "Home of the elite in Equestria."

Applejack gestured with a hoof behind her. "That right thur is thu Princesses castl'.

It was massive. The castle would have dwarfed Disney's Cinderella Castle without a problem. And it looked very jagged, so much so that I wondered if looking at it could cause my fingers to start bleeding.

"Now you're just showing off, Equestria," I said, gazing at the massive structure.

About a half hour later, all nine of us sat before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Luna seemed to be busy brushing her mane, and Celestia seemed a bit absent minded. She would continuously look out the window as if watching for a tornado to suddenly appear and demolish her garden which looked like serious work. I would have hated to work at even a quarter of her "garden." More like, "Zoo."

Finally, I asked the question. "Is the Odyssey charged and ready for flight?"

Luna suddenly spoke up. "It is airworthy once again, and ready to sail the skies in a bright spectacle of splendor and grace."

"So, yes?"

"That's what she said," Twilight hissed.

"No, she spoke like Shakespeare."

Celestia looked at us and smiled. "And since I knew that your brother and My Little Ponies were wanting to accompany you, we have had our best carpenters make some modifications to your ship. I think you'll like them."

She beckoned to us to follow her outside. As we entered the zarden (zoo garden) we found the ship, which looked about the same to us.

I stared at it, looking disappointed I assume. "It looks no different."

Celestia smiled again. "Remember Mario, that outside appearances matter not." She opened the door, and beckoned inside. I looked in the door, and my jaw almost literally hit the floor.

Inside looked like a mansion. Gone was the one small chest, and the two chairs. In its place was a lounge, a gaming room, several bathrooms, nine bedrooms, a dining hall, a computer room, a music room, a bowling alley, and to top it off, an improved balcony with several chairs and cup holders.

"Holy #$^%." Luigi breathed.

"It's what's inside that counts," Celestia finished, grinning at our astonished faces.

"I'm not even going to question how you did this," I said, trying to regain my composure. "But thank you very much Princess. It will make travel much more pleasant."

"Good luck," Celestia told us. "Bowser must be stopped, and your Princess must be saved."

I was fully aware of this already, but I nodded. "Will do."

As I and the rest of the crew stepped into our luxurious new Odyssey, I thought to myself This has to be the strangest and most difficult adventure I've had to go on. I smiled at the thought for some reason. I mean, I had a coffee machine! Bowser couldn't brag about having that.

I stepped to the globe, and threw Cappy on the top. As Cappy began firing up the ship, the Princesses yelled "Goodbye and good luck!" over the roar of the engines.

I waved back at them as the ship lifted into the air, and began its long journey towards Bowser's Kingdom, and towards my most difficult challenge yet that would either make me... or break me.

Terror in the Ship

Author's Note

Yep. It took me a month and a half to do this chapter. Ridiculous? You bet. Just wait, next chapter won't come until December. Hopefully that won't happen. Anyways, here's the next highly anticipated (I hope) chapter for you guys. Happy Halloween!

Terror in the Ship

The sun was setting gloriously in the horizon as the Odyssey flew far over the land. Equestria was several hours behind us now, and underneath our ship was just grassland and water. Occasional towns flew by, but they were swallowed up in the steadily growing fog. All that could be seen for the most part was just clouds and a steadily darkening sky.

Inside the ship, Luigi and I were on opposite sides of the bunk room, labeling each bed. After a small little argument about who had the best bed by the balcony, Luigi and I decided to assign beds to everyone, with me taking the one by the balcony, and Luigi taking the one behind me. The entire time that we spent making the signs, and taping them to the ends of each bed, Luigi and I shot each other looks that could have killed an entire town.

But at long last, our argument subsided. I went and made some coffee while Luigi walked to the balcony with Fluttershy. I joined them later; and we watched as the sun slowly sank below the world.

After about thirty minutes, I turned on the Odyssey's outside light that hung from the rim, and went back inside.

In the gaming room, Applejack and Rainbow Dash had apparently figured out how the Nintendo Switch (not a sponsor, don't copyright me) worked, and the two of them were going head to head on Super Mario Party in the Sizzlin' Stakes minigame.

"My steak is going to be so much more delicious than yours!" Rainbow declared as she flipped her cube awkwardly to a side she'd already cooked. "This strange device is so cool!"

"That's a Joy-Con." I said.

"I love Joy!" Pinkie exclaimed.

At that moment, Applejack had one side left to cook. "Yuh'd bettur hurry up Sugarcube. Mah steak is almus' dun."

Rainbow gritted her teeth, and flipped again. Her steak suddenly glowed, and the game ended with her in first place.

"Aw, yeah!" she celebrated. "Most Awesome Steak Chef right here!"

Applejack stared in the perfect deadpan expression at her 2nd place. "Nex' time..." she left that unsaid.

An hour later, we began getting ready for bed. Luigi tried to brush his teeth and comb his hair at the same time, but ended up trying to comb his teeth with his hairbrush and brush his hair with the toothbrush. We got a great laugh out of that.

Finally, we said our goodnights, and I went to my private bunk by the balcony. Less than five minutes later, I was asleep.

(alternate P.O.V. Bowser's Kingdom)

Magikoopa, a replacement of the first Magikoopa, stared through time and space at the Mario Bros. and those strange colorful ponies as they slept. He laughed hysterically to himself at what he was thinking about doing.

"Heh... it is Halloween after all..." he told himself. "Why not make it a memorable one for these pesky Mario Bros?" He turned and looked behind him at his proudest new creation. "Now, my pretty..." he said. "Enter the one with the green hat. Give them all a scare..."

(Mario's P.O.V.)

Sleep didn't last two hours for me. Around 1 a.m. I heard a muffled scream from the other room.

I jumped... quite literally... out of bed, and stood in my Princess Peach underwear (you didn't need to know that).

"Who's there?" I asked.

No response.

I slowly crept forward, feeling the sweat pour off of my forehead. I needed to wake up Luigi.

Finally arriving at his bunk, I pulled back his covers, and said "Luigi, did you hear...?" I was cut short when I realized something.

Luigi was gone.

Now, I started to feel a bit more worried. Luigi may have been a doofus, but he was still my brother.

The door into the room I was in suddenly shut.

I froze, my heart rate beginning to rise as whatever was in the room crept towards me. As it approached, I slowly turned around, and felt my stomach nearly drop out of my body.

Luigi stood there, his eyes blank, and his mouth opened, drool flowing like a waterfall out of the side.

I laughed a bit nervously, and said "Luigi? Wake up, you're sleepwalking again."

Luigi didn't respond.

I stood and slapped him. "Luigi!"

Luigi didn't even blink. He continued to stare with that same vacant expression.

Fear coursed through me, as I realized that he wasn't sleepwalking. Something was horribly wrong.

This became even more evident as I began backing out of the room, and Luigi followed.

"Don't worry," I said as I began to open the door slowly. "I'll be back..."

Suddenly, Luigi lunged. He hit me with a solid uppercut across my chin, and my head exploded. I slumped out of the door, and felt Luigi on top of me, pinning me to the floor.

I shook my head to clear it as much as I could, and dodged another punch that he directed at my face. "You wanna fight?" I asked. "Have this!" I kicked Luigi right in the groin, and he staggered off of me back into the other room. Quickly, I closed and locked the door just before he lunged again.

I ran as fast as I could from there, hearing Luigi pounding on the door behind me. I needed to find those ponies.

As I ran through the hall, I literally ran into Twilight who was running up the hall. We made a loud sound like two NFL players colliding, and the five other ponies watched us collapse to the ground.

"Mario?!" Twilight exclaimed after her breath returned. "What's going on?"

"Luigi isn't himself!" I yelled back. "He attacked me!"

"What happened?" Rarity squeaked.

"No idea," I replied as Pinkie pulled a cake and a paper bag out of the Pinkie dimension and ate and hyperventilated at the same time. She's quite a talent, albeit an unusual one.

"Maybe... he's just sleepwalking weirdly?" Fluttershy whispered in hope.

"There's no way he could be sleeping deeply enough to where two kicks in the face couldn't wake him up."

"Oh.." was all she could say before she began hyperventilating herself. Pinkie reached into the Pinkie dimension once again, and handed her a paper bag.

"Well, we need to do something about-a this-a," I stuttered, starting to panic a bit myself.

"We can start by CALMING DOWN!!!" Twilight yelled, and the paper bags immediately left. "And think rationally."

"With Pinkie here, that'll be hard," Rainbow commented.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Where did you last see Luigi?"

"I locked him in the bunk room back there." I gestured back down the hallway.

"Ok. Let's go there, and see what we can do." With that, she began trotting down the hallway, and we followed hesitantly.

When we reached the door though, we were in for a shock.

First, as we neared the door, we realized that we didn't hear any knocking and pounding. Then, when we reached it, we found out why.

The door was opened.

Luigi was gone.

Again.

The paper bags returned.

"GUYS!!" Twilight cried out. "Don't lose hope! He could have just... gone to the restroom."

"I doubt it-a," I replied.

"Um, guys...?" Fluttershy breathed.

"Yes?" Twilight asked.

"He's... right... behind... us..."

Sure enough... we turned and saw Luigi standing in the hallway with that same vacant expression on his face.

Before we had a chance to think, he sprang.

He tackled Pinkie to the ground first, but Pinkie gave a pretty strong kick and knocked him back. Rarity fainted, which left Luigi with one less to deal with.

But, Luigi had set his eyes on me. He slowly moved towards me, grabbing a nearby butter knife.

"Luigi..." I said.

All of a sudden, Fluttershy stepped in front of me. "LUIGI!" she exclaimed. "You know us! Stop it!"

She fixed Luigi with a very intense stare, which I thought wouldn't help much. "Fluttershy… he has-a a knife-a..."

But, to my surprise, Luigi began cowering under her intense gaze. And he wasn't the only one.

The hat on top of his head suddenly seemed to move. At first, I thought it was just my imagination, but then I saw eyes appear.

"No... way..." Cappy exclaimed. I was in shock myself.

It was a Bonnetor just like Cappy, except its eyes were an evil shade of red. And Luigi's eyes suddenly cleared, and showed the same deep shade of red.

"It's a Dark Bonnetor…" Cappy explained in shock. "It possesses whoever wears it."

I stood up. I had to get that hat off.

Rushing forward, I grabbed the hat, and yanked hard. With a popping sound, it came off and flopped to the floor, eyes rolling in dazed confusion. Taking advantage of its dizziness, I picked it up, rushed to the balcony, and chucked it as far as I could, watching as it fell through the clouds below.

Behind me, Luigi groaned. I turned around and saw Luigi awkwardly stand up. And then he tumbled backwards, and tripped over Rarity, who was still lying comatose on the floor, and then he knocked over a nightstand.

As he lay on the floor again, I said "Welcome back, Luigi."

"Wow..." Luigi said. "That felt worse than eating a whole bowl of ravioli."

"Speaking of ravioli..." I said. "I think we all deserve a little snack after our little fiasco."

"Sounds great!" Pinkie exclaimed. "I'll whip up a cake!" And off she zoomed to the kitchen.

"Um... I'll make some tea..." Fluttershy whispered as she slowly followed Pinkie.

"And I'll get up... sometime," Luigi mumbled under a pile of books which decided to fall on him a moment ago.

We all laughed as we headed towards the kitchen and a snack. Little did we know that our challenges from Bowser had only begun...

Catalogue of Crabby Crazy Castle Creatures

Author's Note

Remember when I said last chapter that it might be two months before another chapter comes out? I really predicted correctly didn't I? Well, I finally managed to get this one done and I really apologize for the long wait. So, since you've waited long enough, enjoy!

Catalogue of Crabby Crazy Castle Creatures

(alternate P.O.V.)

Bowser paced back and forth in his throne room restlessly, his feet causing a minor disruption in the Richter scale. A few feet away sat a few nervous Koopas awaiting his final reaction to the news they had just given him.

Bowser suddenly stopped, his eyes crossing slightly as his brain turned thoughts around over and over again. The Koopas began sweating profusely as they knew this might not end well.

Finally, the YouTube loading signal you could almost see floating in the air above Bowser finished processing, and Bowser suddenly and very quietly said "Mario's still alive."

And then much louder. "MARIO'S STILL ALIVE!" He sent a burst of fire at the Koopas, who quickly dodged out of the way and watched as the fire toasted a table nearby.

"WHY DOES THAT INFERNAL PLUMBER ALWAYS NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE!?!?" Bowser roared as the Koopas felt their eardrums begin to complain of a slight decibel overload.

Then, Bowser started to try to compose himself. "But..." he sighed as he began to pace again. "All is not lost yet. As long as he doesn't make it to the castle, then no real harm is done."

The Koopas relaxed as well and one of them said "So... you're not mad at us?"

Big mistake.

Bowser eyed them from under his bushy firebrows (fire eyebrows. They're the color of... never mind) and said "Mad? Well, I am a bit disappointed that you failed. Again. I told you and that Magikoopa to just make a stupid hat, and to do one stupid task. And yet... you still mess it up."

"Lord Bowser... where is that Magikoopa?" one of the other Koopas inquired.

"Him?" Bowser shrugged. "Let's just say he won't be coming back to see us anymore."

The Koopas sensed the ominous undertone, and shuddered.

"As for you screw-ups... I'll let you live. But with one consequence."

The Koopas looked up at Bowser quizzically.

"You've been demoted until you can prove competence."

The Koopas looked at the floor with sudden interest.

"UNDERSTAND?!"

"Yes, Lord Bowser!" all of them shrieked as they quickly saluted and fled from the room.

Bowser gave a heavy sigh as he collapsed into his throne. I'm surrounded by incompetent idiots. I really need to consider sending out an email or something asking for new employees.

He turned his head to look out the window, and saw the rest of his kingdom. It filled him with pride to look at, since it had been the hardest kingdom he had ever built. But, something in the back of his mind told him that a certain red plumber would destroy another one of his beautiful creations.

Destroy his chances of having a true home.

Destroy... having a true family.

Bowser sighed again as he looked away from the window, and towards Peach, who was sleeping inside of her luxury cell. He had been trying to give his children a mother for so long... but destiny seemed to rule him unable to have one.

Mario he thought to himself in a sudden rush of despair. Why can't you understand...

Bowser got up and began to pace again. This time... he wouldn't let Mario take away what he wanted.

It was time... to make this Mario's last day alive.

Several floors below, four bunnies sat around a table, playing their fifteenth game of poker for the evening. All of them looked very unenthused to be cooped up.

The tall lanky bunny suddenly had another migraine. "Ow... that dumb plumber."

"You're one to talk Rango," said the one female bunny.

Rango stared blanky back at her, not understanding the insult.

"Hariet, don't try makin' fancy comparisons at him," said the fattest bunny. "He can't even count his fingers right."

"Now Spewart," said the leader of the group, Topper. "Let's not have another useless fight."

"That rhymed..." Rango beamed as if he had just won the spelling bee.

"Yeah," Hariet thundered, banging the table with her gloved fist and drowning out Rango's astute observation. "We should be out there fighting that stupid red wearing plumber and his... bizarre friends."

"Those ponies are cute..." Rango observed.

"Rango, shut up!" the rest exclaimed in aggravation.

"She has a point," Spewart declared, throwing his cards down on the table (both literally and figuratively). "We need to get out there and find that plumber. We'll see how he feels when we stomp on his head.

Suddenly, a knock came at their door.

"Jenkins, we're getting tired of playing Simon Says," Hariet yelled without looking up.

"It's not Jenkins, it's me," came a high but scratchy voice.

The bunnies all immediately had a race to see who could open the door first. Topper won, and opened the door.

"To what can I owe the honor of welcoming you to our humble abode?" he gallantly asked, to which the other bunnies rolled their eyes.

Bowser Jr. gave a grimacing kind of smile. "My dad sent me here on business."

"And what does your royal father wish for us to do?" Topper inquired.

"He told me to get you ready to welcome an... unwelcome guest."

Hariet suddenly chimed in. "Could it be a certain Italian plumber, with a red shirt and blue overalls?"

Bowser Jr. gave her an even look. "That's the one."

Hariet gave a snarl of approval. "I can't wait to blow him into the next galaxy."

"You're to guard the entrance to the castle."

Hariet's face fell. "We're... not going out to search for him?"

"Your job is to guard the castle. My dad said he'd give you a severe punishment if you were found outside of your post."

Hariet opened her mouth, but quickly shut it again and simply resorted to fiddling angrily with her pigtail.

Topper sighed and turned back to Bowser Jr. "When do we start?"

"Immediately," the Koopa Kid responded. "Be at your post in twenty minutes, or else..." The undertone wasn't as threatening as his father, but the Broodals understood that his dad was more than serious about this. So as soon as Bowser Jr. left the room, it was a mad dash to gather weapons and supplies.

“Bowser Jr. said one more thing,” Topper said after he came back in the room.

“What’s that?” Spewart asked.

“He says that if we fail at getting Mario this time… we’re screwed.”

The Broodals all gulped. They knew full well what that meant. Which was why this time, they wouldn’t let Mario get away.

This time, they would have their revenge.

Transfering from Mr. Weird to Dr. Strange

Author's Note

OMG. I apologize it took me so long to post this. Life happens. Also, this chapter gets kind of dark, and if you don't like darker Mario, then this is not for you. Otherwise, enjoy!

Transfering from Mr. Weird to Dr. Strange

(Alternate P.O.V. in a distant land)

Bowser’s Kingdom was different from most of his other ones. He usually just made a castle, threw in some lava, and a couple of disposable, plumber squashable and otherwise useless enemies, and voila!

This time, however, he decided a change of pace would be nice. He had designed his new kingdom like an ancient Japanese temple, complete with statues, lanterns, and rice patties. He didn’t eat any of the rice, it was just for the few tourists that came by.

He’d come prepared for them too.

Right in the middle of his kingdom was a small souvenir shop, which sold costumes, small collectible figures, and other goodies. People of course, were heavily requested to buy them. By heavily requested, I mean… um… demanded to buy them.

So, life was good. He had a nice new kingdom, a soon to be wife he was marrying in a week, and no irritating plumbers.

The first two, as of right then, were true. Not so much the third.

Bowser didn’t know that yet, however. In fact, he was in a good mood at that moment. He was humming to himself in his deep gruff voice, and looking out the window over his land. Life was looking up.

Until a Magikoopa burst into the room.

“What have I told you about knocking?” Bowser said, trying to not lose his good mood. “That’s what a door was made for.”

“S-s-sorry, your Nastiness. But I have grave news!”

Bowser groaned. Clearly his good day was souring in front of him like a week old lemon. “What?” he groaned, not turning around.

“Well… you see… you ought to know that… um…”

“WELL??!!!” Bowser roared, turning around to face the unfortunate Magikoopa.

“I’ve found out that Mario… is in fact… alive and well…”

He said the last part almost in a whisper. His limbs were shaking so badly it was a wonder his clothes stayed on.

Bowser stared at the Magikoopa in stunned silence for a moment. One could almost see the gears slowly turning in the Koopa King’s head as he processed the information. When it fully sunk in, his face went red with rage.

“WHY IS THAT CURSED PLUMBER ALWAYS INTERFERING WITH EVERYTHING?!” he bellowed, the Magikoopa trying to flee the room before Bowser noticed.

He didn’t make it.

Bowser’s claw closed around the Magikoopa, who squealed in fright. “Please, your Worship…”

Bowser hurled the Magikoopa out of the window like a baseball pitcher, watching in growing anger as it fell through the air into the cotton ball-like clouds below.

“That’s what happens to those who ruin my day,” he grumbled before stalking out of the room.

A minute or two later, he arrived in his throne room. His throne room looked like a Japanese version of the Death Star. It was massive, open, and so live that even a whisper sounded like a scream. The room was relatively empty, save for a few pillars, and of course, the throne. Nearby were several Goombas waiting for him. None of them looked happy to be there.

“So,” Bowser rumbled, his voice making the walls shake, and the Goombas tremble. “I’ve just heard from a recently discharged source that my least favorite plumber in the world has just been found to be alive.” He paced back and forth in front of his throne. “Why is this?”

No one answered, both because they didn’t know, and because they were trembling so much it looked like they were up in the Colorado Mountains in the middle of winter.

“I know why,” Bowser answered himself. “Because everyone serving me is an IDIOT!”

The Goombas would have fallen to their knees to grovel, but since they didn’t have knees, they had to bow their heads. “My lord,” said one. “We are sorry about this. And to make up, we know where he ended up. A Magikoopa told us he’s in the land of Equestria.”

Bowser briefly wondered if this was the same Magikoopa that he had discharged. Bowser isn’t one for wondering though, so he quickly put it out of his mind faster than he had put the Magikoopa out the window. “Equestria, then.”

“It’s inhabited by ponies.”

Imagine a villainous tune being interrupted by a broken record player scratching loudly.

“Excuse me?” Bowser asked, his face almost humorously baffled.

“P-ponies, my lord. Some are unicorns, some are pegasi, som…” the Goomba was interrupted by the sound of Bowser chuckling loudly. His chuckling soon became full on laughter that rang through the halls. The Goombas stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do. They hadn’t seen Bowser laugh this hard since that time he had had a pineapple eating competition on Delfino Island.

When Bowser finally recovered, he cleared his throat. “Prepare the airships. We’ll crush these… ponies… before they have a chance to whinny.”

The Goombas scurried out of the room like Palpatine with a broken ankle. Bowser sat on his throne, and assumed a Bruce Wayne style thinking pose.

“Well, Mario,” he said to himself. “Always thinking you’re one step ahead of me. Going to a land of ponies.” He remembered when that magenta beam had zapped Mario’s puny ship, and caused it to vanish. Apparently that had been a teleportation beam. But surely these ponies wouldn’t have that much power?

“No,” Bowser answered his own question again. “They’re weak. And soon, I’ll crush all of them, and Mario with them.” He chuckled evilly to himself. “You won’t stop me this time, Mario. Or should I call you Mare-io?” He laughed again. “Well, Mare-io, by the time the week ends, I’ll turn you into a nice side dish for my wedding.” He looked up at the cage where Peach sat, eyes vacantly staring into nothing. “Isn’t that right, my wife?”

The room was filled with Bowser’s laughter as Peach sat, any hope she had left fading away in the dimming light.

The party probably went on until two in the morning. I didn’t realize how late, or actually, how early it was until I left Pinkie’s house. I glanced at the cookie clock on the wall, and as soon as I saw the time, my whole body seemed to become 200 pounds heavier.

I staggered out of the house as if I had drunk several gallons of Applejack’s cider. Which in fact, I had, but don’t take that out of context. Beside me, I heard someone, I think Rarity say, “We need to figure out where this poor soul is staying. We can’t just leave him on the street.”

That was probably literal, as Rainbow Dash was trying to keep me off of the street. My memories of that are kind of hazy even now, the cider and all.

“Well, we need to decide something soon,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. I know all of this because they told me later, all I remember is faint memories of me jogging down the street singing a bunch of weird 70’s songs that I don’t even remember. Don’t judge me, okay? Even heroes need to unwind.

“He can just stick with me for tonight,” Twilight responded, eyeing how unstable I looked. “I’m closest, other than Pinkie, and she’s… um… she’s…”

“I’M WHAT?!” Pinkie asked, coming up right behind her. Twilight squeaked out “Too hyper!”

“Aw…” Pinkie grumbled, putting on a show of stomping five feet away before suddenly pulling a chocolate cupcake with sprinkles out of her mane and chomping down. Don’t ask, it’s the Pinkie way.

“Alright, then,” Rainbow said. “The hard part is getting him,” she gestured to me, currently trying to sing “Enter Sandman.” I sounded… I don’t know how I sounded, they never said that. “Over there.” She gestured to Twilight’s house, looming a couple of blocks away.

Twilight’s horn flashed, and everyone was teleported to my new room instantly. Rainbow blinked, before trying to look confident. “Yeah, I knew about that.”

"I'm sure you did, darling," Rarity remarked, rolling her eyes.

Rainbow ignored her. "Let's just get him in bed, and let the rest of us, uh, rest." She chuckled at her own joke.

"HILARIOUS!" I was told I said, quite loudly and kind of in a slurred fashion. My body spun quickly around, and I ended up tripping over Fluttershy's wing and collapsing on the bed.

Five seconds later, I was snoring.

Twilight wiped sweat from her forehead. "Thank Celestia! I need that too." She slumped to the ground, and began a snoreuet (snore duet) with me. Soon Rainbow joined, and then Fluttershy, and then Rarity. Finally, all eight of us, the six ponies, Spike, and me were all sleeping together peacefully.

Well, they did.

I didn't.

My dreams began with me hearing voices. I heard Luigi screaming, and saw our home. Bowser's airships swooped down, and I watched in horror as our peaceful cottage was decimated in a single shot. Luigi hid behind a bush, staring at his hat, burning on the ground with the rest of what had been our home.

The dream shifted. I saw Bowser on his airship, wearing his wedding outfit as he neared Ponyville, cannons prepared to blow everyone to smithereens.

I ran out into the street, hoping that Cappy and I would stop them. To my horror, I reached up and found only empty air where Cappy had been. I heard his voice, and saw Bowser's minions had him trapped in a cage, and were preparing to put him in a shredder.

"No!" I cried out.

"Why so sad?" came my voice.

I turned and saw a mirror, in which was me. Except this me was smirking at me.

"You haven't know him that long, you know," the mirror me said. "He's just another problem. You don't need to get attached to your pets."

"He's my friend!" I yelled.

The other me laughed, not a friendly one. "Oh, Mario. You're just trying to dismiss what you've done. You don't want to remember all the thousands of Goombas you've crushed under your boots, the times you've hurt people, and you know what?" He smiled an evil smile. "We didn't care."

"Shut up!" I screamed.

The mirrored me just laughed. His laughter turned into a deep booming guffaw, and the mirrored me turned into Bowser, laughing as he prepared to turn me into Mario bacon.

My eyes shot open, and I found myself lying in a pool of sweat. Literally, as the bed was dripping. And I was thirsty.

I went downstairs, still shaken from my dream. Or was it a dream? I tried not to think about it as I poured a glass of water. My head hurt, thanks to the cider.

"Mario?" came a small voice. I turned quickly and saw Spike, ears bleary.

"Hey," I said. "Care to have some too?"

"Sure," he said, taking another glass. I poured him a cup, and we sat at Twilight's table, looking out at the evening.

"What got you up?" Spike asked, looking at me across the table with his big green eyes.

I was silent for a moment. When I spoke, my voice sounded small. "Fear. I'm afraid that even though I feel I'm fighting evil, the true evil I'm facing isn't Bowser." I turned towards the window, looking at the moon. "I've fought Bowser for almost a decade. In the past year, though, I finally took a good look at myself. And I wonder, am I much better than him? I've done so much I regret." I felt tears coming up.

Spike came over and put a claw on my hand. "Don't worry about it. You've got us. And as long as you're here, we'll help you bring justice to Bowser, and get your friends back. And if you do have problems, no matter what they are, we're still your friends, and nothing will change that."

I was moved by his speech. I hadn't felt so accepted in a long time.

Taking his claw, I whispered. "Thank you."

The two of us looked out the window. As Spike's words played back to me, I knew that no matter what kind of problems I faced, I would not be alone.