All alone

by dragenfire68

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer (Demon), Sunset Shimmer, Sad
Length: 2477

Isolation, trapped in a waking nightmare that is on your heels no matter how fast or how far you run, the ever silent breathing that gradually pushes you towards the edge

Sunset ponders the inevitability of her isolation, as she fights a losing battle against herself.

because when your alone, the only voice you hear is your own, and that inner voice is set out to kill you, or turn your hands on your own throat

Published 2018-02-06 16:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-23 01:43:15 UTC

no one can hear you scream

Sunset was sitting in the canterlot library, sitting on the bed of books that Twilight used before fall formal, she was looking down, mulling over the events of the last few days, until a dictionary caught her attention, she didn't know why, but she picked it up and leafed to the section containing the word ALONE, Sunset found that word to be the most interesting word that was ever invented, because no matter what language it was translated into, its meaning was never lost, it's meaning was its own, Sunset mused, the fusion of so many other words, each with their meaning, since when you deconstruct the word, you still get the same meaning.

Lone, the word to describe one by itself, the self-contained being aware of the world around them, but no one to share the experience.

One, single, isolated, the lowest number, the last, the number that matters the least, the concept that separated you from everything else.

"You thought that it would last forever didn't you?" a familiar haughty voice said, snapping Sunset from her inner musings, Sunset didn't need to look up to know who it was,

"Why are you here, why don't you leave me be," Sunset said, still looking down, but not reading the page.

"And miss this quality time, I know you see me out of the corner of your eye, you refuse to even give me the courtesy of looking me in the face."

"Why would I give you that, you're the reason I here."

"Hmph, that was your fault, I didn't even exist until you made the decision."

Sunset knew she wasn't gonna get peace and looked up into her demon's face, the twisted features smiling, she was leaning against the bookshelf, leafing through a book, but Sunset knew it wasn't real, if she blinked, the book would still be on the shelf.

"Whatever, you're not even real, I'm done talking to you," Sunset said, causing the demon to turn to ash and blow away in a breeze that didn't exist.

"You can still hear me though, I may not be real but I'm still your inner voice, here you can't shut me out."

Sunset drew her legs into her chest and simply put her head on her knees, hoping her inner voice would go away, but she knew that she was too deep in her Isolation too not inner monologue.

"you never answered my question though, you thought it would last forever didn't you, you thought that your past sin would be forgiven."

"Yes, I did, I thought that spending my time here would make up for your existence."

"Oh you naive fool, you can never make up for it, you can never undo the trauma you inflicted."

"Is this what your gonna do the whole time, just gonna remind me of my mistakes."

"No, you do that enough on your own without my help, I'm just here to extend the offer as I usually do."

"I already told you no."

"Why?"

"because maybe this will blow over, maybe I'll be able to prove I'm innocent."

"Will it even matter, what happens if somehow you are found innocent, what next when the next event like this comes out, and you're the scapegoat."

Sunset didn't answer, because she never could, this didn't stop her demon from launching another barb into her heart.

"Besides, you know that you don't belong here, you never have, you've been living here on borrowed time, and the times up, so its time to check out."

"Everyone belongs somewhere, I just need to continue to have the strength to look."

"But you did look, and you fought for your 'place', but as soon as your place was questioned, you were cast out, no place to call home."

"Maybe I could wait till Twilight opens the portal to Equestria!!" Sunset said, trying in vain to quell the demon that was now teleporting into her vision no matter where she looked, always in front of her.

"You don't belong there either, you threw that away when you choose me over Celestia, besides I bet even Twilight doesn't want you back, if she did, she would have answered your journal by now."

Sunset found she couldn't argue, because the words were true, Sunset had tried many times to ask, no beg for help, but the pages were painfully blank.

"Look, I know that you have reservations, but you know the answer to the question that you ask yourself each time you lay down too sleep or when you have a moment of silence, its why your here talking to me, give in and let go, the passing will be painless, there are many ways."

"But I'm afraid."

"I know, but we have to conquer fear, besides aren't you tired?"

"Why do you seek our death?"

"I don't want to exist anymore, I'm tired of the constant charade that we play in front of the others, I'm tired of constantly having to prove I've changed, I'm tired of having to play off my sins like they don't even matter," Sunset said before she realized that she was alone and the phantom dissipated, before appearing behind her.

"See, you do want to die, I don't seek our death, I merely voice your repressed emotions, I'm not the bad one here, I'm all you, Your weak justifications only make my voice louder."

"You tricked me into saying that!!"

"A trick you said, the mind plays tricks, but those thoughts coming to the surface are all you, you perpetuate the negativity by repressing it."

"Fine, I give up, is that what you want to hear, do you want to hear that I want to die every time I see a mirror?"

"You know that answer, you alone know, since your the one who both asks the questions and answers them."

"well, how should I die then?"

"fire?"

"prolonged cruelty."

"freezing?"

"someone would notice I'm dying and may try to save me, I can't afford to be saved."

"slitting your wrists?"

"too slow."

"Gun?"

"too poor."

"how about we hang, a rope is cheap and easy to transport."

"fine, but where are we gonna hang?"

"there is a nice place over by Tartarus heights, no one goes over there."

"what about the pastor?"

"don't hesitate."

"Is this really what I want?"

"You know that answer."

"Fine, I hang tomorrow night, I know where to get the rope."

Sunset stood, guilt ineffectively gnawing at her, she made her way to the gym storeroom, rope coiled, normally used in plays and for curtains, she took enough to tie into a noose and made her way back to the library, when she sat down at the bed, as a new voice called out too her.

"Is this your choice?" A smaller Sunset said, She looked about the age of apple bloom and her friends, she would fit right in too, her eyes filled with innocents and faint hope.

"I have too."

"Are there no other options?"

"I got to hang, we've never belonged, now I rectify that."

"what about the good memories?"

"they're dead."

"Why do we got to hurt ourselves?"

"because a little more pain and we'll be free."

"I can't change your mind can I?"

"Fraid not."

The smaller Sunset simply looked down as her eyes deadened, the innocents draining out of her as she simply looked tired and frail, but adult sunset reached down and hugged her, though she knew she wasn't real, she had to try anyway, she made peace with her last ghost, as she took the journal and started writing one last entry, the last time ink would touch these pages for a long, long time.

when you fall in a place where no one can see you

Sunset Turned too look up at the high school, a place where she was queen bitch, but at the same time redeemed herself, fighting off the demon sirens, but it didn't matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore, not the girls, not her grades, not the stinging pain in her skin as the cold quickly sunk in, but it didn't matter.

Sunset shook herself out of her daze as she walked towards the bridge that went over a rather large pond, near a place called Tartarus heights, Sunset smirked at the allusion to the prison that exists in her world, where it did exist and contained all sorts of dark and evil creatures.

But that world didn't matter, Celestia cast her out, so she figured she doesn't have to fight for her forgiveness, unaware that Celestia had forgiven her when Twilight brought back the element of magic and is eagerly awaiting the day Sunset comes back to her, but it didn't matter for Sunset, the crushing isolation and constant weight of despair clouded her mind, tearing down the defenses in her mind, all the guilt and negativity of her past running rampant.

However she was too tired, cold, and miserable to cry, for who cries for a monster, who sheds a tear for the devil, no one does, no one sheds a tear for a monster, no one feels sympathy for the devil, they are vile and evil, just like her, a person who is hated, to hide behind a cloak of shame, too fall from the grace of others, for she is undeserving.

Sugar cube-corner passed by, the light in pinkie's room on, Sunset for a moment stopped, a fleeting moment of rebellion rising too her throat before the pink-haired girl came to the window, and looked down at her, her eyes scanning the blank face of Sunset, before settling on her hands, or rather her hand, a look of shock came across her face before the window slammed shut.

Sunset ran, she ran as hard and fast as she could carry herself, a voice calling out her name, but the sound was lost in the rush of wind and tears that were cascading down her face, she knew this was unfair too pinkie, but that didn't matter either, she betrayed her trust so there was no defense to stop her from going through with this, nothing could stop her, all the stops in her heart that were screaming self-preservation were silent as the grave.

***

Pinkie pie was laying on her bed, unable to sleep because her last resort pinkie sense was blaring red, it caused her heart to pound and blood run cold, but she couldn't figure it out, no one she knew or had known was likely to do anything major, right?

But before she could manufacture an answer, she suddenly felt a need to look out her window, but that's normal for pinkie, but what wasn't normal was for the mess of red and yellow hair that fell across the face a Sunset shimmer, and the look on her face broke Pinkie's heart, but the thing in her hands made Pinkie's blood run cold, and heart pound so hard it felt like her ribs would break from the force.

She slammed the window shut, and race down the stairs, three at a time, but she was too slow, for when she threw open the door, Sunset was already a block down, she called her name, but Sunset seemed to only speed up, at first a blur, then a dot, then nothing.

Pinkie though, she knew that look, the way she ran, and the object that claimed many lives of people around her, she wasn't ignorant, she knew what Sunset was planning, and she knew where she was going, she wasn't as fast as Rainbow Dash, but she still could be a close second if she put her mind to it, after throwing on warm clothing, she set off down the street where Sunset head at full sprint, hoping to find her.

***

Sunset wasn't a slouch either, but what made her difficult to find even for pinkie is the street sense that came with being homeless, it gave her an advantage of know where the short cuts were, and how to best get by them, she knew that it would confuse Pinkie pie.

Sunset's lungs ached for air, but she wasn't gonna slow down, her momentary weakness and the last defiant rebellion of hope wasn't going to cost her the release she desired, the freedom it promised, so she ran, jumped and slid sure that pinkie's damnable pinkie sense was keeping her hot on her trail, sure that pinkie was gonna eventually find her and talk her down.

She knew deep down that if there was one glimmer of hope left, she would leap at it, because she was so lost it didn't matter, if there was a chance too earn a respite, to turn away from her current path, she would take it and her mind couldn't let it happen, not now when she was so close to a more permanent solution.

No more pain, no more weight, no more isolation, no more anything, a silent passing this was supposed to be, however, she got her wish as she arrived at the bridge, having lost pinkie pie a long time ago.

She didn't hesitate to tie a knot that would hold her weight, she tied it fast and strong before slipping the loop around her neck, making sure it was loose, so her neck would break, for efficiency, she wanted release anyway she knew how and studying human biology made it easy to think of many ways too fatally hurt herself, she took the backpack off her back and took out the book, caressing it one last time before she put it to her side, stood and took a swan dive off the edge.

***

Pinkie was tired, cold, and above all sad that she had lost Sunset, but as she walked too, she soon found herself a block away from a large bridge leading into a place she was unfamiliar with, but what stopped her was the fact that she found Sunset, but was too far away to stop her in time, however, what surprised her was a truck that passed her, going slowly, like the occupant was enjoying the night before it skidded to a stop in front behind Sunset, and moving at a speed that would impress even Rainbow dash, the figure cut the rope, as Sunset fell, before jumping in.

She turned and started walking home, sure that Sunset was in good hands now, hands that were better suited for her friendship then hers, for now, pinkie needed time too think, time too self reflect on the past weeks that had pushed a friend to her final promise.

Author's Note

honestly this is kinda gonna cover why Pinkie is gonna be seen after Hallowed be thy name, and her role that she plays.