Reason Lost

by Nonameknight

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Death, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 2494

My friends are gone. Do I even have a reason to keep going?

I enjoyed my time in Ponyville with my friends, the very first friends I ever made. I enjoyed the good times, and learned from the bad times. We did so much, helped so many. I became a princess in time, not realizing exactly what that meant for me.

It's been 150 years since I first came to Ponyville. My friends have all passed from this world, leaving me behind.

Do I even have a reason to keep going?

Cover by kajitanii.

Published 2018-02-06 09:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-06 09:10:06 UTC

Reason Lost

As I walked through the large crystalline doorway and into the darkness of night, I took note of the weather. The dark, thick clouds hanging in the air. The rain pouring down on and around me, beginning to soak through the black dress I wore just for today and wetting the lavender fur hidden beneath it. The strong wind, howling around me, sending small pieces of debris flying through the air.

‘How fitting,’ I thought to myself as I closed the large golden doors behind me, descending down the short flight of stairs and starting down the dirt road, a somber expression on my face.

My eyes were drawn to the larger, more numerous buildings that now made up Ponyville, noticing for the first time just how much the formerly small town has changed since I moved here all those years ago. Big stores, large luxury homes, and apartments were becoming more and more common, making the town lose its warm and homely feel.

‘Then again, it hasn’t really felt like home since-’ My thoughts cut off as a small sob shook my body and escaped my throat, drowned out by the noise of the wind and the rain. I stopped walking, awkwardly standing in the middle of the empty road with my head lowered in sadness.

After a moment, I tried to collect my thoughts, raising my head and continuing my walk through the large town, passing by the buildings, none of them familiar to me anymore. The now unfamiliar layout of the town making me realize just how much has changed and how much time has passed.

‘It’s like it’s an entirely different town,’ I thought to myself with sadness as I passed by where my friends and I used to spend so much time together, the buildings long since torn down and replaced, with one exception. Sugarcube Corner was still standing, the only building that I recognized. Mr and Mrs Cake’s grandchildren now ran the small bakery and pastry shop, using the family recipes that had been left to them. They were so similar to their parents, Pound Cake and Apple Tart. Cheerful and kind, loving the world around them with nothing being able to dampen their mood and happy outlook. Cinnamon Swirl and Candy Apple are very talented bakers, the brother and sister pair incredibly close to one another, sharing their love of baking and pranks with each other.

‘So similar to somepony else I knew…’ I thought as I passed by the edible looking building and continued to my destination.

Nearing the outskirts of town, I stopped at the large wrought iron gate and peered up at the sign, wincing as the rain went directly into my eyes. Squinting my eyes to try and get a clear view, I could see that the sign read ‘Ponyville Cemetery.’

‘It almost feels like it was yesterday,’ I thought to myself as I opened the gate with my magic, and trotted inside.

I passed the rows of tombstones, barely glancing at the carved stones that marked a pony’s eternal resting place. A long, curved pedestal with 5 statues resting on top was getting larger, the distance between it and myself shrinking quickly.

I gazed up at the statues, a choked sob escaping my muzzle. The ponies that these statues depicted were a familiar, yet painful sight for the mare.

The pegasus posed as though she were ready to take off into the open skies, wings spread wide, wearing a Wonderbolts jumpsuit and grinning in defiance, as though daring the world to try and stop her.

The earth pony with the almost unbelievably poofy mane, eyes closed with a giant smile, face permanently set in laughter and joy. The stone balloons seemingly floating gave it even more of a happy feel.

The unicorn with the stylish mane and tail, gazing forward with an air of nobility and warm eyes. Her favorite dress had been carved as part of her statue, almost appearing to be swaying in the wind.

The pegasus who looked serene and tranquil, eyes looking lovingly toward the animals that had also been carved into the base.

The earth pony with her cowpoke hat adorning her head, a smirk and a determined look of fire in the eyes that doesn’t seem possible for a statue. A true testament to the work that went into these statues.

‘My friends…I miss you all so much…’

I couldn’t help but gaze at the plaque that rested at the base of the tombstones.

“Here lies the Elements of Harmony. Your efforts and sacrifices will never be forgotten. You were the light in the dark for so many. May that light now guide you to your eternal rest.”

I wondered if it was worth it sometimes. Worth becoming a princess, ruling over other ponies.

‘My friends and I did so much. Saved so many, and spent our entire lives bettering Equestria.’ Another sob came from my quivering body, the effort to remain standing near monumental in its difficulty.

“So why!?” I raised my head and shouted to the sky, desperate to be heard.

“Why do I only feel grief!? Why does it feel like it was all worthless in the end!?”
I couldn’t do it anymore. My legs gave out from under me as I fell backwards, splashing water and mud. I bawled openly like a foal, grief and pain overcoming me. Tears mixed with the rain, and both trailed down my face as I looked to the sky.

I don’t know how long I lay there sobbing. Eventually though, the tears ran out, and my voice was hoarse. My head slumped down, my neck too tired to keep looking upwards.

“Twilight?”

A familiar voice spoke behind me, but I don’t care anymore. She can’t take away the pain. Nopony can.

A wing layed itself over my back, shielding me from the rain. I weakly looked over to the pony touching me and despite what she meant to me, I couldn’t find myself caring. Princess Celestia’s eyes looked into mine, showing sadness and concern. She looked over at the statues before returning her gaze to me. Laying down next to me, uncaring of her immaculate white fur getting dirty with mud. She sighed, before pressing closer to me, using her wing to hug me close to her side.

“They really were amazing ponies. I know you’re the last pony I need to remind of this, but it amazes me to see how much these five ponies changed the world.”

I ignored her words, unmoving. I knew how special they were. That’s why it hurt so much to lose them. That’s why I almost...

“Twilight, you were a good friend to them. You all had your ups and downs, just like any other friends, but you were the best of friends.”

My body shook at her words, anger and grief building up inside me as Celestia kept talking, though I doubt she noticed. Or did she just want to remind me of what I’ve lost?

“I know it hurts. I know that hurt all too well. I’ve seen too many friends leave because of the passage of time. You’re not alone, Twilight, You never were. You never will be.”

My hooves ache as I stand, surprising Celestia, and even myself. I can feel the rage showing on my face as I push her away, flaring my wings and ignoring the look of hurt on her face.

“What would you know about losing someone that close to you!? You didn’t have to watch the ones that you’ve been connected with since foals get older and waste away, watching them die! Knowing I couldn’t do anything to save them! The first friends I ever made! Destined to be there for each other, no matter what! You still have your sister! My parents are gone, Shining dead from old age and the town I’ve lived in for almost one hundred and fifty years is unrecognizable!”

I slumped to the ground, new tears staining my muzzle. “It wasn’t worth it. This isn’t worth it. There’s no point in going on anymore. This world doesn’t need me…”

The look of shock on Celestia’s face quickly turned to anger as she locked eyes with me and she stood, spreading her wings too.

“This world has always needed you, Twilight! The ponies who you have helped are immeasurable! Do you not remember Nightmare Moon!? My own sister!? You saved her from her own darkness and gave me my sister back, and gave this country back its princess of the night! You helped reform Discord, trusting in the judgement of Fluttershy and gave him a chance, despite his past! You saved him too, Twilight!”

I couldn’t move. I didn’t have the strength to do anything but listen to the words Celestia’s angry voice shouted at me.

“What about the changelings!? Without you, the changelings would have destroyed Canterlot, and you raised the dragon who redeemed them all, allowing them to live freely and openly! Tirek, who you fiercely fought to save us all from!? Were you not in the Crystal Empire, Sombra would have enslaved the crystal ponies all over again, and would have come for Equestria next!? Trixie!? Sunset Shimmer!? Starlight Glimmer!? Tempest Shadow!? Did none of these ponies need you!? Do you honestly think we would have been fine without you, Twilight!?”

Celestia's face softened into one of sorrow, and her eyes matched this. Tears were falling from those sad eyes, as she slumped to the ground.

“Did you really think I didn’t need you…”

Celestia looked terrible. Soaked and mud caked fur, tear trails on her face, body shaking with sadness. She slumped down, head low, and cried openly.

With herculean effort, I slowly trotted forward until I stood above the alabaster alicorn. I could only stare down at the mare who all but raised, loved me and taught me so much.

“Celestia…”

I threw my hooves around her neck, hugging her close. The tears just won’t stop. I couldn’t stop them if I wanted to.

“Im so sorry…”

Celestia wrapped her hooves around me, returning the hug as we sobbed into each other’s coat. The rain kept falling, like the sky itself was crying with us.

“Princess?”

Celestia and I quickly looked to the source of the voice, surprised.

“Are you okay, Princess? What’s wrong?”

It was Candy Apple and Cinnamon Swirl. The two looked concerned as they watched two of their princesses crying in the Ponyville cemetery. Celestia looked back to me after a moment, and gestured to the pair of bakers with a hoof, tears still falling.

“They need you too, Twilight. WE will always need you. You might be a princess, but you’re our friend first.”

I wiped my eyes with a muddy hoof, uncaring about my appearance. Sniffling, I looked to the pair of ponies still looking at us with concern.

“I’m alright, you two. Just...remembering.”

“Remembering what, Princess?” Candy Apple asked as she and her brother approached us.

“Just...old times. Friends.”

Cinnamon Swirl sat down a short distance from us, glancing at the statues before a look of understanding crossed his face.

“We miss her too, Princess. Auntie Pie was the best friend we could have had.”

Candy Apple looked at her brother with a sad smile, those memories clearly bittersweet.

“She was, wasn’t she? Auntie Pie always tried to cheer us up whenever we were sad.”

I sniffled, and looked to Celestia.

“How do you do it? How do you deal with living on while everypony passes away and the world changes around you? Does it ever get easier?”

Celestia gently shook her head, and softly nuzzled me.

“No, my former faithful student. It doesn’t get any easier, you just grow used to it. I don’t focus on what I've lost though, only on what the future will bring. Knowing that I can help create a world of peace and love makes it worth it. If I can help keep even one pony safe and happy, it’s worth it.”

I looked down at the ground. You grow used to it? That just seems...unhealthy.

“So...you just...get used to it?”

Celestia looked to Cinnamon and Candy.

“Tell me, you two. Do you think Twilight is a good princess?”

Their faces turned to shock, clearly surprised at being asked such a question before stuttering out a response.

“O-of course, Princess Celestia! Princess Twilight has been nothing but kind to us. She listens to what everypony has to say, is fair in her court, and has always been a friend to us all.” Cinnamon Swirl said before looking at his sister, who only nodded.

I looked at them with wide eyes. Is she...

“So you would say that she has made a difference in your lives for the better? That she has worked to help all that she can?” Celestia gave me a small, knowing smile as she questioned the ponies.

“Absolutely! We wouldn’t have a lot of the good memories we have if it weren’t for the princess! Princess Twilight is why we stay in Ponyville, your majesty.” Candy Apple said with no small amount of enthusiasm.

I could feel more tears threatening to spill, but these were different. These weren’t tears of sorrow.

They were tears of joy.

“Princess? Oh no, did we make her cry? Cinnamon, what did I say wrong?”

I laughed softly, a smile growing on my face. How could I have been so blind?

“You didn’t say anything wrong, Candy. In fact, you both said just what I needed to hear. Thank you, both of you.”

Candy Apple quickly adopted a smile of her own and beamed at me. “Really, Princess?”

I just smiled at her and nodded, before looking to Celestia. “I think I get it now.”

“This. This is what makes it worth it. I’d forgotten how much I helped the ponies of Ponyville, and had forgotten why I did it in the first place.”

Looking at the smiling faces of Cinnamon Swirl and Candy Apple, I couldn’t help but let out a giggle.

“It was for them. It was always for them. So that ponies could feel safe. So that they could live their lives without fear.’

I looked Celestia in the eye, with a bigger smile on my face than I thought I was capable of.

“It was to protect what my friends cherished so much.”

Things didn’t seem so dark anymore. I’ll make more friends, though i’ll never forget the five who helped me become who I am today. No more running. No more sorrow. No more grief. The time for that has passed. Now is the time to cherish what I have, and focus on what is important.

My little ponies.

“Thank you, all of you.”

Author's Note

Times have been dark lately, but there is always a reason to keep on going. You just might not see what it is yet.