Author's Note

Hey y'all! Another chapter up!

Before you start reading, I just wanted to throw out a couple trigger warnings. This chapter contains death, and mentions of drug and alcohol addiction/overdosing, plus a serious breakdown. It's not too detailed so it's not that bad, but I wanted to make sure y'all knew.

Also, this chapter a lot of meaning to me, seeing as I based this person off my mom, (Although my mom is still alive), and my childhood. I had originally planned to add a lot more drama before I got to this part, but it was pretty tough for me to write about and so I shorted everything down.

Annnnnyways, I hope you enjoy and please read and review because you love me, amen.

-Dawn

Chapter Five

Saturday May 3rd, 2014

Dear Journal,

It’s been over a month since I’ve written. You’d think I would’ve been keeping up with it better, but the day we got back from vacation, my life was turned upside down, and I’ve been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. Shoot if I know where to start with this mess, so I guess the beginning is good as anywhere.

Rainbow’s mom died while we were at the beach and no one found her until Dash went home. I had dropped her off at her house and not even thirty minutes later was she calling me panicking. I couldn’t even understand half of what she was telling me, but I flipped around and when I got there, her mom was being taken out in a body bag.

Since I knew she had no where else to go, I offered the spare bedroom at my house until she could find somewhere else. She didn’t even fight me this time. She just gathered what little of her belongings she had and came home with me. Granny Smith was surprised at first, since I didn’t even ask if it was alright, but after I explained everything, she instantly came around and welcomed Rainbow with open arms.

Rainbow was a real mess for the first two weeks, not that I blame her. I remember being a basket case when my folks died. The first week was the worst. Rainbow wouldn’t talk, or eat, or sleep. She didn’t even cry. More nights than not, I’d find her sitting on the front porch just staring at the yard. I never said anything either. I would just sit down beside her and hold her hand until I started to fall asleep. She stayed in the guestroom all day and no one ever heard a peep. It was almost like she was a zombie from those creepy games Pinkie liked to play.

Fast forward another week, and Rainbow finally had the breakdown I’d been waiting on. It was bad. I had just knocked on the door to tell her that supper was done, not that I thought she was gonna eat, and heard glass break. When I opened the door, she was standing in the middle of the room with a shattered picture frame on the floor. I was gonna ask if she was alright but then she started screaming.

Lord, I’ve never heard a more horrible sound than the broken, mangled cry coming outta her throat. She started yelling about how much she hated her mom. How mad she was that her mom died before she could tell her how she really felt. How she wished she could bring her back just so she could tell her mom how much she despised her. She shouted about how awful her mother was, about the pain pills and the alcohol, the constant overdosing, the trauma that Rainbow suffered because of her. Never having any food, or AC or heat, going without electricity altogether sometimes so her mom could buy more drugs. Taking showers with cold water because the water heater was broke. Being yelled at on a daily basis and made to feel like dirt. The occasional threat on her life.

Rainbow went on and on and on until she could barely talk. As soon as she shut her mouth, I was over there, wrapping her up in a hug. And that’s when the tears started. I moved us to the bed and let her cry as long as she needed. I held her like my mama used to do to me when I was in a fit. She fell asleep after a while and that’s when I allowed myself to cry. I normally don’t cry, I’m a pretty put-together girl, but seeing her like that shattered my heart. Hearing everything that she had to go through, everything she endured, well, it hurt me. I didn’t leave her side all night. I didn’t even eat. Big Mac came to check on us after the screaming stopped. Everyone in the house heard what she said, and I saw how red his eyes were.

After that day, Rainbow slowly started healing. She started eating more, and went back to school. She still wasn’t talking much but that slowly started changing too. She helped out on the ranch, mostly light stuff, like feeding the animals and cleaning the house for Granny. Our relationship shifted too. We still haven’t talked about what was said at the beach, but she started sleeping in my room. We don’t really touch or anything, I think she just doesn’t wanna be alone. She also holds my hand a lot. She’ll just take it at random times, and I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be romantic or just part of her healing process.

Today was a real good day. After a lot of bad ones, I’m grateful for it. We offered a permanent spot in our home for Rainbow Dash. There was no way I was gonna let her leave, especially since she ain’t got nowhere to go. She was the happiest I’ve seen her since the beach trip. She ran up to each of us and smothered us in hugs. We made a huge dinner and invited the girls over to eat and hang out a bit. It was the first time we all got together at my place. Rainbow almost acted like her old self. We helped her decorate her room, Pinkie and Rarity had no shortage of things to add to make her room more cozy.

Now we’re all watching a movie, but I’ve seen it before since it’s mine, so I thought I’d catch you up on everything. Less than a month to go before graduation so I’m glad that things are sorta getting back to normal.

Applejack

Wednesday May 7th, 2014

Dear Journal,

Just a few weeks left before I walk the stage… if I pass my final exams. I thought I saw Twilight panic before, but midterms ain’t got nothing on these end of the year exams. She carries a paper bag with her now. I’m trying to stay calm, I know it don’t help to freak out, but this is it. These tests are the deciding factor between passing and failing. Walking the stage or not. It tends to weigh on you.

Rainbow’s doing alright. She still has her moments, but she’s a strong gal and I’m here to help her through it. I think the only good thing about the finals is that it keeps her busy enough that she doesn’t think about her mom. That’s when she starts to get upset, when she’s got nothing to do but sit and mull over stuff. I believe that’s also part of the reason she’s still sleeping in my bed. It’s easy enough to get trapped in your head when your trying to fall asleep. I don’t mind though.

Anyways, gotta go, Rainbow and I are meeting our friends for a study session. Math. Hooray.

Applejack

Friday May 9th, 2014

Dear Journal,

I met Apple Bloom’s boyfriend today. I knew she’d start dating sooner or later, but she’s only thirteen for pete sake! His name is Pipsqueak and he’s actually real nice. He stayed for supper and everybody got to know him a bit. I can tell Bloom is smitten with him, I don’t think she stopped smiling the whole time he was there. Everyone thinks they’re adorable together, and if I wasn’t on big sister alert, I would too.

To be honest, I’m not ready for this. I always knew this day would come sooner or later, but I still see her as a little girl who needs protecting. It’ll be okay, she’s got a good head on her shoulders and I trust her to make the right decisions, but dammit is it hard to step back and let her grow up. I wanted to have a chat with him before he left, but I think Mac could tell I was about to give him the ‘hurt her and I’ll hurt you’ talk and asked me to make a milk run. He was gone when I got back. I gave Mac the stink eye when I figured it out.

Gotta help Granny,

Applejack

Monday May 19th, 2014

Dear Journal,

Something has flipped on inside Rainbow. Early last week she went and asked Big Mac if he could add extra work on to her load so that she could start earning a bit of cash, which I understand, she probably has extra things she needs or wants and we can always use the help. Every day after school she’s been putting in a good few hours work and this weekend she even picked up part of Big Mac’s chores so he could get a break. She’s helping us in the kitchen, learning a few recipes and cleaning up after. She seems a lot happier than she’s been these last couple months and it’s swell to see.

Our sleeping arrangements have also become more intimate… not like that! But we have sorta started cuddling as we fall asleep and I’ve woken up a couple times with her head on my chest. Since her mom died, it’s definitely given me a lot of time to think about us. She’s been too preoccupied to think of it or she just doesn’t want to bother me. Either way, I’ve been able to gather my thoughts.

I want to be in a relationship with Rainbow. I know that for a fact now. I think it became clear to me when I noticed the spooning. Not just that, but the talks we have laying together. They’ve gotten pretty deep at times. We spills secrets, and fears, chat about our dreams and hopes for the future. She’s told me some pretty messed up things, but trusts me with them. I finally told her about my folks, which was a real hard thing for me to do. I ain’t talked about what happened to them since it all happened. She likes to brush my hair in the mornings when we wake up. She says she’s jealous because her hair is thin and doesn’t look good long.

I think all those little things have really solidified the fact that I want to be with her. I’ve been trying to think of a good time, but I feel like it’s still too soon after her mom, seeing as it’s only been what? A month and a half? I know she’s had time to mourn, if you could call it that, and she’s practically back to her old self, I just don’t want to, I guess, step in front of everything she’s gone through. She’s waiting on an answer, I just dunno when the best time would be to tell her. I can’t wait though.

Applejack

Sunday May25th. 2014

Dear Journal,

Five more days! I can’t believe graduation is finally almost here! I’ll walk the stage on Friday and the rest of my life can finally begin. Finals were at the end of last week and we should be learning our final grades these next couple of days. I’m not as worried as I thought I‘d be. All us gals have had studied our textbooks front to back. Done equation after equation and made more flash cards that I thought was possible. Rainbow’s pretty confident herself, and she somehow turned it into a competition to see who made the highest grades. Loser has to work in a dress for a week. I’ve got this. She fell asleep one too many times and drooled in her history book.

I think I’m gonna tell Rainbow my answer. Whether or not it’s too soon after her mom, I think we could both use a positive end to our senior year. I thought about making it some spectacular announcement like Rarity would do, but I know that ain’t Rainbow‘s style, and it sure as hell ain’t mine. I’ll just stick to the basics.

Thinking about it is making me nervous,

Applejack

Thursday May 29th, 2014

Dear Journal,

I gave Rainbow my answer this evening. We went for a run through Whitetail Woods and ended up taking a break at the river before we headed back to the house. That’s when I told her. I tried to keep it as short and simple as possible without sparing how I felt and her reaction was instant. I barely saw her running until she collided with me, coving my lips with her own. I feel silly now for worrying about it not being the right time, especially with how ecstatic she was.

And boy did it feel good to kiss her again. It just felt so natural, like we fit together just perfect, almost like we were meant to be. Rainbow would probably call me lame if she saw this entry, but I can’t help it. She’s drives me right wild. If you had told me at the beginning of the school year that I’d start dating Rainbow Dash, I probably would’ve decked you and told you I’d pray for you, but there’s just something about her that draws me in like June bugs to a porch light.

Anyways, after a short impromptu make-out session, we headed back to the ranch and got our outfits ready for graduation… with a few messy kisses in between. Tomorrow’s the day! I’ll graduate with my best friends and girlfriend. It’s real weird to write that word! When I think back at this year, I definitely had some good and bad moments, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. My experiences helped me to grow as a person and I’m happy of the woman I’m becoming, and I know this is just the end of a chapter. I have a long way to go, but at least I’ve got my friends, family and an annoying but beautiful girlfriend to take on my journey.

Applejack