The Most Important Lesson

by Alaborn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Silver Spoon, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4099

Miss Cheerilee’s class learned something today.

When the first magic lab for Miss Cheerilee’s class doesn’t go the way it was supposed to, they are definitely going to learn something.

An entry for Aragon’s The Comedy (Is Serious Business) Contest. Set during Season Three.

Published 2018-02-09 12:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-09 12:00:05 UTC

Lesson One

The Most Important Lesson

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Twelve foals stood in a line at the front of Miss Cheerilee’s class, stretching from one wall to the other. Their heads were down, their ears folded back, their eyes focusing on the floor, the wall, or their own hooves. Anything but on the scowling face of their teacher as she stood in front of them.

Now that all her students were waiting, Cheerilee finally spoke. “And what do you all have to say for yourselves?” She struggled to maintain her friendly teacher voice, given what had just transpired.

“Um, we learned something today, Miss Cheerilee?” Apple Bloom offered.

“And just what did you learn?” she demanded.

She was greeted by the soft sound of hooves scraping the ground.

“Anypony?”

“We learned that Mr. Whiskers doesn’t like loud noises,” Snails said.

Cheerilee looked to the back of the classroom, where Fluttershy was cradling the class’s beloved pet hamster, softly cooing to him. The poor hamster was still shaking, even after things had settled down.

“We learned that trees are not meant to be grown indoors?” Archer said.

“You can say that again,” said the lumberjack sawing limbs from the tree that consumed Apple Bloom’s desk.

“Ooh! We thaw a firththoof demonthration of the lightning contained in jutht one cloud!” Twist said excitedly.

Cheerilee facehoofed. “No, class. Those are all facts we learned, but what lesson did we all learn?”

Her class was silent again. Nopony wanted to speak, even though they all learned their lesson.

She chuckled ruefully that both the literal and idiomatic meaning of that phrase were appropriate at this moment.

“Class, the lesson we’ve learned today is that we follow rules in the lab for a reason!” Cheerilee said. “These laboratory lessons are supposed to teach you about magic in a safe and controlled manner.”

Miss Cheerilee’s students at least had the decency to look contrite, given the mayhem they caused. But they still refused to make eye contact.

“Now, given the state of the classroom, we can’t continue our lesson. So I’m going to send you all home....”

The class cheered.

“...with notes for your parents and guardians to read and sign.”

The class groaned.

“And I’m afraid our magic lessons will have to wait until you’ve all proved you’re ready.”

Taking a seat at her desk, Cheerilee pulled out her pen and her blue paper, the special paper that every student knew meant bad things were written on it. The students lined up, and one by one they faced their doom. They gulped, sniffled, and even whimpered at the thought of the punishments waiting for them at home because of the notes they dutifully took and tucked into their saddlebags.

By the time the last student got her note, the classroom was again quiet. Mr. Whiskers was asleep, the errant tree was so much lumber, and the strange pink mass stuck to Silver Spoon’s desk was slowly deflating.

Hiss.

Pop.

Plop.

Something slimy and viscous dropped onto Cheerilee’s mane, and started slowly trailing down her neck. She dared not think what it was.

Cheerilee slumped in her chair and rested her head against her desk, resisting the urge to get some percussive relief. Instead, she rubbed her temples with her hooves and wondered just how things went so wrong.

The previous day

“Now class, let’s take out our magic textbooks and open them to page 82.”

Like every day, Miss Cheerilee’s announcement was met with no small amount of moaning. Having taught for years, she knew students hated magic lessons. The textbook was dry and boring, thoroughly detailing the whys of magic when all any foal wanted to know was how. Fortunately for Cheerilee, though, she had a secret weapon today.

“And if we can get through the rest of the chapter, we will finally be ready for our first magic lab tomorrow!”

In the blink of an eye, all twelve of her students were quiet, textbooks open and eagerly awaiting the lesson.

When the final bell rang, her students jumped out of their chairs and ran for the door. Cheerilee waved as they departed. She didn’t bother reminding them about their homework, as their minds were already in play mode.

Tomorrow would be a good day.

Scootaloo, as always, was the quickest to get out of class. “This is going to be great!” she shouted.

Her two closest friends followed. “I can't wait to see what spells we're going to do!” Sweetie Belle said.

“Yeah, Ah can't wait to... whatever it is we're doing,” Apple Bloom said.

“I think some ponies are going to find themselves disappointed,” came a voice behind them. Diamond Tiara was speaking to Silver Spoon, but in a loud enough voice that she clearly meant for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to overhear.

“I know what you mean. The classroom experiments are so basic,” her bespectacled friend replied, also speaking loudly. “But it will be so funny when certain ponies can't even make them work.”

“That's right. But what do you expect from talentless...”

“...blank flanks,” the two fillies said in chorus.

Apple Bloom stopped and turned to face them. “Ah'd like to see you try to beat me,” she said, looking directly at Diamond Tiara. “Ah live and breathe apples. Ah bet you've never even touched soil.”

“Hey! I grow plenty of things,” Diamond Tiara retorted.

“Yeah, do you grow jeweled tiaras?” Apple Bloom said, pointing at Diamond Tiara's flank. “Because if you don't, then having a cutie mark isn't going to help you.”

“My cutie mark means I'm good at everything,” Diamond Tiara replied. “We'll show you.” She looked to Silver Spoon. “Right?”

“Right!”

“Bump, bump, sugar lump, rump!” they recited in unison.

“Ugh! Let's get out of here,” Scootaloo said.

With that, the Cutie Mark Crusaders left. A few minutes later, Scootaloo paused when she realized her friends didn't make the turn onto the road to Sweet Apple Acres. “Where are you going?” she shouted back to them.

“Before we go crusadin' we thought we'd go to the library,” Apple Bloom said.

“The library? Why?”

“Because I want to beat those two!” Sweetie Belle squeaked.

“Yeah, me too,” Apple Bloom said.

“And, um, I'm not sure exactly what we're doing in that lab tomorrow.”

“The library? Are you sure?”

The others nodded.

Scootaloo threw up her forelegs. “Fine! I'll go with you.”

Just like normal, the only ponies in the Golden Oaks Library when the trio arrived were Twilight Sparkle and Spike. “Welcome back!” the unicorn greeted them warmly. “But I'm afraid I don't have any new books about cutie marks.”

“That's okay, Twilight,” Sweetie Belle said. “We're here because of our magic class.”

“We're starting labs tomorrow!” Apple Bloom said excitedly. “Whatever that is.”

“Oh! Practical labs!” Twilight Sparkle smiled. “You see, fillies and colts around your age are ready to learn magic, but for centuries, such learning was haphazard. Some foals learned from their parents, some learned from their masters during their apprenticeships, and a fortunate few had private tutors. But rarely did a young pony learn about magic beyond their tribe.

“By not learning about magic as a whole, the magic that flows through each and every pony, yesterday's ponies missed out on an important lesson. They failed to understand each other and the harmony of the land. So around 150 years ago, the great educator Dewdrop proposed a standardized course of magic instruction, where the basic elements of nature magic, weather magic, and arcane magic would all be taught, together, so that everypony could see the similarities among the three kinds of magic. Of course, now alchemy is part of the curriculum, so the lessons are even more robust. There's an excellent biography of Dewdrop, if you want to learn more about it.”

Twilight Sparkle looked over at the three fillies. Sweetie Belle was just staring at her, Apple Bloom was looking out the window, and Scootaloo was sprawled on the couch, head tilted back and eyes closed.

“Sorry, girls. I guess I just got excited,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“You still haven't told us what labs are,” Sweetie Belle noted.

“Right. The best way for me to explain is to show you.”

Twilight Sparkle levitated a book off one of the shelves. When the fillies saw it, they recognized it as their magic textbook, only the book was bigger than theirs.

“Hey! That says 'teacher's edition',” Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo jumped off the couch and scrambled for the book. “That means it has all the answers!”

Twilight Sparkle held the book back with her magic. “That's why I'm not letting you keep it. But when it comes to labs, there aren't right and wrong answers. There are only expected outcomes,” she said. “Here, come take a look at these illustrations.”

One by one, Twilight Sparkle explained the first magic experiments their class would do.

The fillies were... not impressed.

“Making pea plants grow? That's it?” Apple Bloom said.

“Mixing those two clouds together is only supposed to create a single spark? Lame,” Scootaloo said.

“Lifting blocks? That's something for little foals in magic kindergarten!” Sweetie Belle said.

“And what's the point of potion to make your voice sound all deep and stuff?” Apple Bloom asked.

“But don't you see? Each of these experiments involves will and heart and spark. That's because deep down, we all share the same magic,” Twilight Sparkle explained.

“It sounds boring,” Scootaloo said.

“Everypony has to start with the basics,” she replied.

“But if we're learning what everypony knows, how will we ever get our cutie marks?”

“They'll come in time,” Twilight Sparkle reminded them.

“Why are we following them?” Silver Spoon asked her best friend.

“Because we can't let them win. Duh!” Diamond Tiara replied.

“But we're obviously better than them, right? That's what you said, right?”

“Right,” Diamond Tiara said slowly.

Silver Spoon picked up on the hesitation in her response. “Are you having problems with your magic?” she asked.

“No! Of course not,” she replied quickly.

“Because I know what it's like,” Silver Spoon said quietly. “The tutors say I'll find my connection to the earth, but I just don't feel it.”

Diamond Tiara stamped a hoof. “Those stupid plants don't listen to me! Everything is supposed to listen to me!” She looked down at the ground. “But until they do, we're going to need help. And that means learning what the Cutie Mark Losers are up to.”

Learning, apparently, meant hiding in the bushes and peeking in the library. Silver Spoon stood, hooves planted firmly in the ground, as Diamond Tiara stood on her back.

“Hey! Watch it!” Silver Spoon said, as one of her friend's hooves almost knocked her glasses loose.

“I need to get closer to the window... Ah! I saw it! That's the teacher's textbook. They're cheating!”

“Huh?”

“The one with all the answers,” Diamond Tiara said.

“What are they doing with it?”

“They're, like, getting a lesson from Twilight Sparkle. And now she's putting the book away. And now they're leaving! Duck!”

Silver Spoon ducked, causing her friend to tumble to the ground. They held still as the door opened, and remained still until they heard the incessant chattering of the Cutie Mark Crusaders fade from hearing.

“So now here's what we do,” Diamond Tiara said. “You distract the librarian, and I'm going to grab that book.”

Following their impromptu lesson, the Cutie Mark Crusaders returned to their clubhouse. Talk about new things they could do to earn their cutie marks led to talk about how they would surely earn their cutie marks if they could only do some real magic in class tomorrow. And they all agreed that they could make their magic lesson better.

For Apple Bloom she knew she could do better than make a pea plant bloom. She could make an apple bloom! And not just any apple. She thought about a very special apple, one tied to her family lineage, one that she had helped grow already. And so, that night, she sneaked into the cellar and found a tin of seeds from the previous year's zap apple harvest.

She would make a zap apple bloom. And since that was her name, that would surely get her her cutie mark!

Sweetie Belle had no desire to manipulate silly child's toys. Returning to Carousel Boutique and seeing Rarity working in a manic burst of creative inspiration, she knew just how to upgrade her lesson.

Surely, Rarity wouldn't mind if she borrowed a few gems.

Scootaloo, bothered by the lameness of tomorrow's assignment, decided to seek the answer to problems of lameness. Really, it was the filly's answer for everything. Rainbow Dash remembered her own classes as a filly, and was quick to agree that those first labs were lame.

That night, before going to bed, Scootaloo tucked away the cloud samples Rainbow Dash gave her, cloud samples right for a filly as awesome as her.

Diamond Tiara may have been kicked out of the library for toppling the bookshelf while trying to climb it (stupid unicorns putting books on the top shelf), but Twilight Sparkle did let it slip that there wasn't anything useful in the book anyway. So, she went to the one pony who would always help her.

Her butler, Randolph, talked to the gardener, and soon Diamond Tiara had a pouch of miracle fertilizer (“It can make anything grow!”).

Silver Spoon, without the personal investment of Diamond Tiara in the results of tomorrow's lesson, did her homework and went to sleep like a good filly.

She was a Silver, and would live up to her name.

There was a certain power that teachers held when the prospect of something fun was on the horizon, Cheerilee mused. Whether a class party, a school field trip, or a fun lesson, students would be unusually well-behaved right beforehoof. None dare risk incurring the teacher's wrath, leading her to change her plans and add a double lesson in cursive writing.

So, Cheerilee's class paid attention during the morning lessons, answered questions when called upon, and always raised their hoof before speaking. And they all returned from lunch on time, and took their seats quietly. A dozen angelic faces then looked at her.

“All right class, now we're going to start our first practical magical lab,” she announced. “You will each work in teams of two, helping each other learn the magic, feel the magic, understand the magic. Right, class?”

“Yes, Miss Cheerilee,” they chorused.

Cheerilee distributed the color-coded boxes holding everything necessary for the lessons. “Snips and Snails, you will work together to understand your unicorn magic, as will you, Dinky and Sweetie Belle. Rumble and Scootaloo, you will take the weather magic lab. Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom, I want you to work, together, on this nature magic lesson. Archer and Silver Spoon, I'd like you to work the alchemy lab. Twist and Truffle Shuffle, I think you'll enjoy the alchemy lab, too.”

She walked around the class as they set up their experiments. The instructions were simple enough that anypony could do them.

Well, almost anypony.

“Let me help you with that,” Cheerilee told Snips and Snails.

“Okay, it says to add one spoon of the blue stuff to the potion,” Archer said. She dutifully took spoon in mouth and followed that step in the instructions. “Next is two spoons of the yellow liquid, then we stir.” She offered the spoon to Silver Spoon.

Silver Spoon turned her muzzle at the old stainless steel spoon. “Ugh. I'm not touching that dirty thing,” she said. She reached into her saddlebags and pulled out her lunch bag, withdrawing a rolled cloth napkin. She unrolled it, revealing her personal set of fine silverware, crafted by her father in honor of her birth. She selected a spoon of the right size, added the right amount of liquid to the potion, and started to stir.

It just so happens that the reactive properties of silver in alchemy weren't taught for another two grades.

Dinky lifted the third block, held it, and lowered it gently to the desk. “Okay, now your turn,” she said to Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle set out three gems of different sizes. She looked at the instructions, and lifted the smallest of them.

“Hey! You're supposed to use the blocks,” Dinky protested.

“We're just focusing on levitation,” Sweetie Belle said. “It doesn't matter what you're lifting, just that you're lifting it. Besides, isn't this much prettier?”

“I guess,” Dinky replied.

Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom glared at each other over the small pots of dirt on their desk. “Now we'll see that I'm better at magic,” Diamond Tiara stated.

“Ah doubt that,” Apple Bloom said.

Diamond Tiara took the pea in hoof and pressed it firmly into the dirt. “You may want to look away, if you don't want to be embarrassed.”

“Why would Ah want to.... Hey! What's that under your hoof?”

Diamond Tiara shifted in her desk. “Dirt. You know, like what's in the pot.”

“But the dirt was already in the pot!”

“Are you sure? Because it looks like you sat in yours.” She pointed. “There's dirt all over your tail.”

Apple Bloom turned. “Mah tail is not dirty!”

While Apple Bloom was distracted, Diamond Tiara tipped the pouch of fertilizer into her pot. She was only going to add a little, but most of the bag fell out in one clump. She hid the bag and pushed the fertilizer into the soil.

“Now I'll push my magic into it,” Diamond Tiara announced.

Apple Bloom pointed. “Ah don't think Miss Cheerilee likes what she saw,” she said seriously.

Diamond Tiara turned. “What?”

Apple Bloom used her own distraction to add the zap apple seed to her pot. She quietly swept the old pea off her desk.

Apple Bloom then channeled her magic. “Now we see who's best,” she said.

“Thith pothion ith bright green, jutht like it thays,” Twist said. “Should have warned uth about the thmell, though.”

“Next it says to drink the potion,” Truffle Shuffle said.

“Ew! I'm not drinking that!”

“I'll try it. I'll eat anything once!” Truffle Shuffle boasted.

“Okay, but it thays only a little thpoonful.”

Rumble followed the instructions to the letter. He pushed wind magic into the wisp of cloud in the first jar, spark magic into the cloud in the second jar, and held them at the same time, attuning himself to the magic potential held within. Scootaloo watched him, casually sipping from a bottle of apple juice.

“Now we open the jars, connect them, and then let the clouds come together,” Rumble said.

He again followed the instructions, and pushed more magic into the combined cloud. A single yellow spark formed, arcing from one side of the cloud to the opposite side.

“It works!” Rumble said. He pushed the other two jars to her. “Now it's your turn.”

Scootaloo ignored the offered jars, instead reaching into her saddlebags. She found the two more awesome clouds that Rainbow Dash had given her. They had been stored in plastic bowls, not the glass jars from the experiment, so the clouds didn't look as good as they did yesterday. But they were the same kinds of clouds, just cooler.

“I think we should stick to the instructions,” Rumble said.

“Relax. This is going to be much cooler,” Scootaloo said confidently. “Here. Hold my apple juice.”

Somehow, Snips and Snails had messed up every step in the instructions, including opening the box. And so, Cheerilee found herself staying by their desks, wondering just how many more things the two unicorn colts could get wrong. Fortunately, the other students seemed to be working fine. Nopony had raised their hoof or called for her.

Then Cheerilee heard four words that chilled her to the bone.

“Hold my apple juice.”

She whipped her head around in time to see Scootaloo pushing two clouds together. They were definitely not school-approved clouds.

She tried to warn her. But it was too late.

A bolt of lightning shot from the cloud, followed by a bang of thunder.

Surprised, Truffle Shuffle tilted the potion jar he was holding, and instead of taking a small sip, he swallowed the whole thing. He yelled in surprise, but after drinking the potion, his yell sounded like the howl of a timber wolf.

The lightning flew into the array of gems, sparking from ruby to emerald to sapphire to diamond. Cheerilee ran to push her students out of the way, but her hoof came down on a single pea.

She slipped, stumbling into Silver Spoon's desk before crashing into Diamond Tiara's and Apple Bloom's desks.

Silver Spoon's lunch fell to the ground, its metal containers landing with a clatter.

Diamond Tiara's pot flew through the air, flipping several times, before landing in Silver Spoon's potion.

No textbook covers the mixing of alchemical reagents and magical fertilizer, since nopony would be foolish enough to combine them. The resulting pink mass hissed and popped angrily.

Somewhere in the classroom, a hamster squealed in terror.

Zap apples are magical plants. Not even Granny Smith understands everything about how and why they grow. But given everything that just happened, nopony should have been surprised to see the full-grown zap apple tree sprout, grow, and push through the roof.

What felt like hours later, but was probably only a matter of seconds, the commotion ceased. Nopony spoke. The air smelled of apple, bubble gum, and ozone. And the only sound came from Miss Cheerilee grinding her molars.

“Everypony. Front and center,” she ordered.

Cheerilee tried to push the memories of the disaster out of her mind. Everything had gone so wrong, so fast. But tomorrow would be a new day, a new lesson, and the class wouldn’t be doing any lab work for a long, long time.

Cheerilee looked around the classroom. With everypony gone, the remaining mess looked manageable. A few spills to clean up, a couple of old desks brought in from storage, and the classroom would be ready for the next day. Sure, at least two walls and part of the ceiling would be covered in boards, but this was hardly the first time Cheerilee had taught in a hastily repaired classroom.

This was Ponyville, after all.

Cheerilee was attacking a glob of mystery goo with her trusty gum-removing spatula when she heard hoofsteps approach. That was curious. Nopony should be in the school. It wouldn’t be that unusual for a student to be coming back for a forgotten item, but today? Not likely.

The sound of hoofsteps grew louder, and then stopped. Cheerilee briefly caught the silhouette of a pony in the window of the door to her classroom, and then the door opened. She heard the faint sound of a throat being cleared.

Only one pony cleared her throat that quietly.

Cheerilee sprung to her hooves. “Principal Chalkboard!” she shouted.

The elderly mare who served as principal for all of Ponyville’s schools rarely visited her little classroom. And when she did, it was never for a social visit.

Principal Chalkboard shook her head sadly. “I thought a mare with your experience could handle a simple magic lesson.”

“I've taught that lesson many times before. I've reviewed everything that can possibly go wrong! But... but....”

Chalkboard raised an eyebrow. “Hmm? Did we learn something, Miss Cheerilee?”

“I learned that silver and potions don't mix.”

Chalkboard looked at her expectantly.

“I learned these lessons should never be done with magical plants.”

She was still silent.

“I need to check my students for contraband?”

“Tsk, tsk,” Chalkboard said. “A certain teacher I'm fond of teaches students that they just can't learn facts. They need to learn lessons. And I hope you've learned your lesson.”

Cheerilee nodded. “I have to watch all of my students carefully. Every single one of my students is equally capable of creating a Discord-level calamity,” she stated.

“Exactly. And the risk increases exponentially with each additional student.”

Cheerilee couldn't help but laugh.

“I'll let you get back to work.” Chalkboard patted Cheerilee on the withers. “And maybe someday, I'll tell you about the class that taught me that very same lesson.”

Author's Note

The hardest thing about writing Cheerilee's class is deciding which of the many school-aged foals happen to be present at that time.