Dragon Mercenary

by Devilhorn

Rating: teen
Tags: Death, Alternate Universe, Anthro, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other, Team Fortress, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 8245

Spike raised by The RED team... Inspired by The Nine Fathers By Tatsuro

Spike had disappeared from Ponyville as we know it after the Diamond Dog incident, and somehow ended up in the TF2 universe. Now watch as he returns to Equestria, and balances having 2 families with similar morals and different ideals. THIS is gonna get wierd.

Published 2018-02-09 12:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-09 12:00:11 UTC

Leaving Home, Going Home

Over in Coaltown, Arizona, we see a man in a hard hat and red work clothes working on a strange device, using parts from scrapped robots. All of a sudden, a green and purple, anthropomorphic, adolescent dragon comes over. The dragon is wearing what seems to be red camouflage, with tall black boots, a pair of black fingerless gloves with metal studs on the knuckles, and a red beret. “Hey, Uncle Enji. What’cha workin on?” He says, catching Engineer’s attention.

“Hey, Spike, well, I’m trying to get this teleporter to catch the cosmic signature of the world you came from, but it just ain’t working right.” Engineer says with a Texan accent, scratching his head.

“Bummer.” Spike said, “What seems to be the problem?”

“Well, I’ve tried every single world where dragons are a dominant species, and I keep coming up empty.” Engineer says. Spike thinks on this, and comes up with an idea.

“Maybe they aren’t a dominant species where I come from, but just a sapient one. Try worlds where dragons are prominent, but not the main species.”

Engineer tries this, and then starts to chuckle. “Well, I’ll be. Ain’t that a surprise. You’re from Equestria.”

Spike blinks. “Equestria? As in, My Little Pony? Rainbows, happiness, and the magic of friendship? Where villainy goes to die a painful death? THAT Equestria?”

Enji nods. “Something like that. It seems to be Generation 4 too, the ‘Best Written,’ according to fans of the show.”

Spike buries his head in his hands. “Wait until Scout hears about this. He’d probably say something about how girly this makes me.”

Enji laughs, “I don’t doubt that. Why don’t you gather the others, and we’ll see what we can do about this, okay?”

Spike smiles, holding onto the machete on his hip. “Poor Man and I can do just that. See you in 5 minutes.” He then leaves, presumably to get the rest of the “family.”

(5 minutes later)

The whole RED team has gathered in Engineer’s lab, each of them wearing a different red-themed outfit. The assault side of the team were Scout, who wore a baseball uniform, and was holding a baseball bat in one hand and a scattergun in the other; Soldier, who wore a soldier’s uniform, was holding a shovel, and resting on a rocket launcher; and Pyro, covered head to toe in a fire retardant outfit, and leaning on a fire axe covered in barbed wire, with a flamethrower on his back.

There was the rest of the defensive side, whom were Heavy, who wore a simple red t-shirt and black pants, and was holding a minigun, which he had been polishing, like it was his favorite child, singing a lullaby in Russian; and Demoman, who, unlike the rest of the team, was black, and wore a black beanie, an eyepatch, tall black boots, a pair of black pants, and a red sweater over a black tee, holding a bottle of rum in one hand, and resting a sword on his shoulder with the other. He also had a tattered kilt near the right side of him, showing that he was of Scottish descent.

Then there was support side of the team, which were Sniper, who wore a hunter’s outfit and a red jacket, holding, of course, a sniper rifle; Spy, who wore a red ski mask and a red suit, wielding a knife and a pocket watch that made him invisible, with a revolver holstered on his hip, singing a small tune in French; and Medic, who wore a white doctor’s uniform with red and black accents, such as red gloves and a red tie, and a strange contraption he called the Medigun. Medic was also singing a short tune, this time a victory song, but in his own native language, German.

Enji looked over the team, and nodded, saying, “We now know where Spike came from.”

The Mercenaries shouted, both in joy and in sadness. Joy, because they could go with him, finally get out of the robotic hellhole they were in, and introduce themselves to his friends; And sadness for his friends, as when they found him, Spike had amnesia, and didn’t remember anything about who he was, except his name. “Well, where’s he from, hardhat?” Scout said with a Bostonian accent.

Enji chuckled, knowing what was coming next. “Y’all aren’t probably gonna believe this, but I’ll tell ya anyway. He’s from Equestria.”

The rest of the mercs are stunned stiff, until Scout lets out a chuckle. “Oh-ho, man, how ironic. Spike, one of the best killers on our team, coming from a place where friendship and peace are such an important part of daily life.” He said, getting the team to chuckle at the irony.

Demoman then speaks up. “Wait, Scout knows wha’ irony is? The world’s comin’ ta an end!” This gets the rest of the team, even Scout, to laugh for a few good minutes. “In all seriousness, Enji, how are we gonna get there without standing out like a buncha Scots in an Irish bar? I mean, the ponies walk on all fours, right?”

Enji chuckles again. “Not exactly. Yes, they are candy-colored ponies, but they are anthropomorphic candy-colored ponies, showing a sort of alternate universe. Since this specific teleporter seems to change us to the most common sapient species, be they humans or otherwise, we will change species, but we won’t have a drastic change in physiology.” The mercs nodded, showing that they all understood. “Well, then, everyone ready?”

The team shouts out a collective yes, and went through the portal together, eager to meet Spike’s friends.

The team teleports into a plain, and Spike sees what species his family had turned into. Engineer, Sniper and Heavy had turned into earth ponies, while Scout and Soldier had turned into pegasi. Spy, Medic, and Demoman had turned into unicorns, and Pyro was a…

“Pyro, you’re a dragon?!” Spike exclaimed, making the rest of the team look at their fire-obsessed teammate, and sure enough, he had turned into a dragon, about 10 years older than Spike. The strangest thing was, the rest of the team wasn’t all that surprised. Pyro just gave a thumbs up, clearly pleased.

“‘Course he is, Spike, it was kinda obvious that he could become one.” Sniper said with an Australian accent, walking around to get used to his earth pony body. “Now then, how about we go meet your friends, that is, if you’re memories are back.”

Spike thinks about Equestria, and he found memories he never had before, and yet he knew they were his. “Yep, my memories are back. C’mon, I have to show you guys around Ponyville.”

Author's Note

NEW STORY! Also, More new ones to come as well! :yay:

The Great Rescue, and Memories

After showing the team that had become his family around Ponyville, Spike had tried to find any of his friends, but they were not in their usual spots.

“Well, that’s weird. Twilight’s not at the library, Pinkie's not at Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy isn’t around her animals, Rarity’s not at her boutique. Rainbow Dash isn’t at her usual training grounds, Applejack’s not at her farm, and the town isn’t in danger. Where could they be?” Spike asked himself, scratching his head.

Just then, Big Macintosh found Spike asking that question, and instantly recognized him. “Spike, is that you, kid?” Spike turned around to the voice, and saw Big Mac.

“Big Mac! Maybe you could answer my question. Where are your sister and the rest of the girls?” Big Mac shook his head.

“That’s what Ah was trying ta find someone ta help out with since this mornin’. Rarity went out ta the ol’ quarry ta find some gems yesterday, and after a few hours she hadn’t come back. The girls got worried, and went out ta find her. They haven’t been seen since.”

Spike thinks for a second, and then gets worried as he realizes something. “The quarry Rarity went to, it isn’t the one just to the west of town, is it?” The red stallion nods, and Spike curses his luck. “Dammit! The Diamond Dogs she faced are still out in that quarry! They probably got captured!”

Big Mac’s eyes widened. “Well then, we should tell the royal guard!”

Spike nods, and says, “You go do that, but if they’ve been missing since yesterday, then I need to head over there now! Diamond Dogs aren’t known to keep useless prisoners long!” Spike tries to run off, but Big Mac stops him.

“You’re not gonna go out there alone, are ya?”

Spike looks at Big Mac with an, “Are You Serious?” face. “Of course not, I’m not stupid! I need to get the team together!” Spike then runs off, and Big Mac looks confused at what the young dragon had said.

“The team?” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike had finally found the RED team, and starts to speak to them. “Guys, we need to head to the quarry to the west of town immediately. My friends got captured by Diamond Dogs yesterday!” The team immediately grabbed their weapons, remembering what Spike had told them when going over his memories about Diamond Dogs.

“Spike, mein enkel, ve need to be careful.” Medic said, being the one Spike saw as a grandfather figure. “Ve don’t know how many of those… BEASTS are out there, after all.” Medic had growled out the word, refusing to recognize the Diamond Dogs as anything more. They were worse than even Grey Mann, after all. At least even Grey Mann cared about his adopted daughter, Olivia, and when he learned about how Spike had impressed himself onto the RED team as a family, he backed off, refusing to harm a child, physically, mentally, or even indirectly. The Diamond Dogs had no such limits, ESPECIALLY with their hatred of ponies.

The team went to the quarry, and waited for the Diamond Dogs to appear. 3 eventually dug up to the surface, and looked at the RED team strangely. “Why are ponies and dragons on Rover’s land?” The largest of them said, clearly angry.
Spike snarled, “You have some friends of mine captive in your cave. Let them go, and we will let you live.” The Diamond Dogs start to laugh, clearly not taking Spike seriously.

“HAHAHAHA, You think you scare us? We will kill useless ponies, and use gem-mare to decrease work, have her mining up precious stones!” Rover said, his smile showing a malicious intent. Spike narrowed his eyes, pulled out a M1 bolt-action rifle, and shot Rover in the leg. “ARGH! You pay for that!” The large canine said, as many more Diamond Dogs came out of the ground, hearing their leader’s pain. There was a least 50 of them, and yet the RED team didn’t looked worried in the slightest.

Heavy laughs lightly, revving up his minigun. “You think little baby company scares us? We have faced much bigger odds, against much tougher enemies, and not only survived, but TRIUMPHED! We are efficient killing machine!”

The rest of the team had gotten into position at Heavy’s cry, wielding their prefered weapons. Demoman was setting down Sticky Bombs, Soldier was loading his rocket launcher, Scout was holding his scattergun, ready to rush in, and Enji was setting up a sentry. Sniper had found a perch in a tree within the quarry, and Spy was hiding behind a boulder, holding his revolver, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Pyro had pulled out his flamethrower, anger burning in his eyes, and Medic prepped his Medigun, ready to heal the team at a moment’s notice.

Spike had hid behind cover, and had holstered his rifle, swapping it out for his light machine gun. “Y’all done bucked up now!” Spike says, provoking the Diamond Dogs. The beasts charged, and the massacre began. Shots being fired left and right, Diamond Dogs falling to the ground dead, and the Reds standing their ground, determined to rescue Spike’s friends.

A few hours later, the battle seemed to be at a stalemate. The Diamond Dogs couldn’t do anything to push back against the RED team’s more advanced weapons, and the Reds couldn’t push forward, either. Apparently, there were a lot more of the beasts than first anticipated, and the Reds were not running out of ammo, having brought a LARGE surplus of dispenser refills for the trip. Spike was getting VERY impatient. “C’mon, just die already!” He shouted.

Heavy just shook his head. “Even I am getting bored, and I love battle.” He then turns to Spy, and finds that he had disappeared. “Where’s Spy?”

Spy had entered the Diamond Dog’s cave, and found an intricate underground compound within the mines. He was trying to find the mares that were Spike’s friends, but he couldn’t use his cloaking device to the fullest. It only had the BLU disguises programmed in, and he couldn’t change it in the middle of such a delicate operation. He could only rely on his knife (His revolver was too loud at the moment) and his invisibility to protect himself. He had cursed his luck and lack of foresight many times in French, and was about to start again, when he heard a voice.

“Do you think that someone’s coming to rescue us?” The voice said in a upper-class tone.

“I’m not sure, Rarity. This could be almost any type of emergency. We’ll just have to wait and see.” Another voice said in a kind, yet scholarly tone. Spy moved towards the origin of the voices, and found a jail cell with six mares inside. Each of them wearing tattered clothes, no doubt torn and stretched when moving to this cell.

“Cagnotte.” Spy said to himself, happy that his luck had turned around. He then silently moved over to the cell, and got the mares’ attention by banging on the bars of the cell. “Excusez-moi, les dames, but would you happen to be friends with a dragon named Spike?” He asked, making the eyes of the mares widen.

“What happened to him, and how do you know him?” A lavender unicorn asked, clearly a bit suspicious.

“You must be Twilight, then. He’s fine, madame, and I am an uncle, of sorts, to ‘im. I believe I should explain, but for now, let us get you free.” Spy said, picking the lock to their cell. “Now then, stand back, I don’t know which way the door will swing.” The six of them stand back, and the door swings open, into the cell. Spy motioned for them to follow him.

“Now then, there are a few things you should know.” Spy says to the mares as they were escaping, noticing the Diamond Dogs were too preoccupied with the fighting the threat outside to notice them. “Spike sees me and my team as family, and he is a bit different than what you may know ‘im as.”

Applejack, an orange earth pony with a blond mane, speaks up. “How so?”

Spy sighs. “He ‘ad amnesia when we found ‘im, and my team and I aren’t… normal, especially by Equestrian standards. We all have complete control of our mental faculties, but each of us has a different quirk. We’re mercenaries, you see, and were in the middle of a war with a, at the time, madman who was controlling robots when we found ‘im.” Spy smiles fondly at the memory. “It was a peaceful day when we found ‘im. A dragon, no older than 10, in front of our fort. Even Soldier, one of the most battle-thirsty of us, knew that he wasn’t a threat.”
------------------------------------------------Flashback-------------------------------------

“So, what do we do?” Soldier said, surprising everyone with his restraint. “What? He’s obviously just a kid. Probably doesn’t know where he is, either, due to him being a dragon.”

“And how are you not freaking out ‘bout this?” Scout asked

“Uh, hello, wizard for a roommate? I’ve seen AND fought weirder, and so have you lot. Seriously, though, what do we do?”

Medic sighed. “I don’t know, Soldier, but it seems like ve need to do something before those robots come back.”

Heavy is in a thinking pose, crouching, his fist on his chin, when he has an idea. “Administrator may not like this, but fort is safest place from robots. Maybe he live here for time being?”

The rest of the team agreed with Heavy. The Administrator may be upset about it, but even she wouldn’t leave a kid out to die. Determined as she was to keep the Gravel Wars, and now Grey Mann’s attacks, a secret, she wasn’t HEARTLESS.

“I think I’ll go talk to him.” Scout said, rushing over as the kid almost stepped into the road. It wasn’t very busy, but you never know when a car could come barreling down. Such as the SUV coming straight towards him. Grabbing him out of the way of the SUV, Scout started to talk to him. “Whoa, kid, that wasn’t safe. You could've gotten hurt.”

The young drake blushed. “S-sorry, mister, I didn’t know.”

Scout shook his head. “That’s okay kid, what’s your name?”

“Spike.”

“Okay, Spike, I’m Scout. Do you know where ya are?”

“N-no sir, I don’t.”

Scout nodded, that was obvious. “Do you know what year it is?”

“No.”

This made Scout frown. “How about this? Do you know who the president is?”

“Who?”

Scout’s frown deepened. “Well, that confirms you’re not from here, at least. Do you remember anything before waking up today?”

“I-I remember a bright flash of light, and that’s about it. Anything before that is just an unexplained blur, going too fast for me to look at…”

Scout sighed. “Amnesia, then. Look, Spike, I’m gonna take you to a friend of mine. He’s a doctor, and he’s gonna see if you’re hurt or if we can do anything about your amnesia, okay?” Spike nodded, and Scout placed the small dragon on his shoulders, running back to Teufort.
------------------------------------------End Flashback--------------------------------------

“So he really didn’t remember anything until now?” Twilight asked, a bit saddened by that fact.

Spy nodded, “The amnesia was memory-based, so only something that reminded ‘im of those memories, such as a smell, a voice, or a visual, could fix it. Anyway, we had to teach ‘im how to fight, as war was our way of life.” Spy smiled again. “I remember when he first picked up a rifle. He was around 17, an acceptable age to teach someone how to shoot back home, and he ‘ad already proven to have superior strength to almost everyone on our team. Only ‘Eavy, who he took to as a father-figure, could beat Spike in an arm wrestling match by that time, and for his first shooting test, he had chosen a bolt-action Colt M1 that ‘ad been nicknamed ‘The Bullhorn,’ by the manufacturer.”
-------------------------------------------Flashback #2--------------------------------------
“Okay, Spike, that M1 has quite a kick,” Sniper said, clearly worried. “Even with your strength, it might be a bit dangerous to use while standing. You remember what I told you about using rifles, right?”

Spike nodded, “I remember, Uncle Sniper. Point the rifle as far away from me and others as possible, the target is often the best position to do so.” He pointed the rifle towards his target, “Make sure that the bolt works, and that the gun isn’t loaded. If it is, make sure it hasn’t misfired. If I don’t know where the round came from, remove it. If the gun has misfired, remove it.”

He removes the round within the rifle, and loads it with his own, just like Sniper taught him. “Hold the rifle so that it is comfortable in your grip without touching the barrel, and push the bolt as far forward as possible, then close it.” He does so, and then says, “Aim with the crosshairs, breath in, let two-thirds of it out, squeeze the trigger gently, and then release your breath.” Spike aims and fires the rifle, barely feeling the kick, and hitting a bullseye. “And done.”

Sniper, Spy, and Scout clap, pleased that Spike did well. “Well done, Spike!” Sniper says, clearly proud. “What do you want to learn how to use next?”

Spike smiles. “Something like Dad uses, only lighter.”

Sniper nods, knowing that Spike was talking about Heavy’s minigun, Sasha. “I think I know just the thing. Spy, see if you can’t get me a light machine gun from Mann Co, would ya? Maybe an Bren!”
------------------------------------------End Flashback--------------------------------------
“Wait, you had to have safety lessons on how to use your… guns, were they called?” Rainbow Dash, a light blue pegasus with a rainbow mane, asked.

Spy nods. “Indeed, a improperly handled firearm is as dangerous to the user as it is to the enemy. We never let Spike even SEE combat until we knew that he could hit a target efficiently and quickly. We worry about ‘im, you know.”

The mares nodded, knowing how Spy felt. “So, what happened after he fought for the first time? I mean, my dad told me stories about the first battle he was in after he enlisted.” Pinkie, a pink mare with a magenta mane asked,
remembering stories her father had told her. This shocked the other mares.

Twilight was the one who finally asked her the question. “Your dad was in the Royal Guard?”

Pinkie shook her head. “No, he was in the Equestrian Army during the Minotaurian-Equestrian War. You know, the one that civilians have to sign up for, and can get drafted into if it got bad enough?” The other mares nodded, some remembering their own parents’ stories about that war.

Spy cleared his throat, getting the mares’ attention. “He took ‘is first life at 16, a deer that he ‘ad hunted with Sniper and Scout.”

Fluttershy, a butter-golden colored mare with a pink mane, looked shocked. “W-what?”

Spy made an “Ah” face. “Animal lover?” He asked. Fluttershy just nodded. “We weren’t always ponies, miss, and before, we were omnivores, eating both plants and meat. Where we come from, only those like the nine of us, and Spike, were intelligent enough creatures to create languages and governments, and we needed certain proteins our bodies couldn’t make themselves to survive, and the most plentiful source was meat. Even ponies were only sentient, and not sapient.”

Fluttershy nodded, sad understanding in her eyes, so Spy continued. “We could always buy some meat, but Sniper was taught how to hunt by his father, and he swore that nothing tastes better than a meal you caught yourself.” Applejack nodded with Fluttershy, both of them understanding that logic, for different reasons.

“He taught Spike how to trap and kill an animal without causing it immense pain, as it had been agreed by the team that he would be taught to shoot at 17, and no earlier. ‘Is first real battle was about a year after he passed both ‘is shooting tests, fighting with us against the BLU team, who was another one of our enemies at the time. Both teams also couldn’t fully die, due to a… I think the most appropriate thing to call it would be a re-spawn system, we were connected to at the time. Spike’s own DNA was connected as well, so that we knew he was safe. We even gave ‘im a code-name, The Dragoon. Didn’t keep us from being worried, however.”
----------------------------------------Flashback #3-----------------------------------------
“Spike, this is your first time in battle, are you sure you’ll be alright, сын?” Heavy said, making sure the drake he had come to see as a son would be okay.

Spike nodded, “If I have any trouble during or afterward, I know where to find you or the others, Dad. Besides, the respawn’s still working, right?”

Heavy nodded. Enji had checked on it over 12 different times that morning, making sure there wouldn’t be any malfunctions due to Spike’s unique DNA.

There weren’t any problems yet, but both teams had an agreement that if either of their respawns had trouble, the fighting would stop. This agreement had been in place even before Spike came into the picture, and it had only been activated once, when RED’s re-spawn generator had shut down after a storm. It HAD been fixed before the fighting had begun, but both teams had decided to take the day off, just in case.

The Administrator had started the countdown, and the RED team had gotten into position. Spike, with this being his first battle, hid behind a rock, prepping his light machine gun. He then decides to shout out a taunt, like he had seen the rest of the team do many times before. It seemed appropriate, for some reason, but he couldn’t understand where the heck it came from. “Y’ALL DONE BUCKED UP NOW!” And the fight began.

After about 30 minutes of fighting, the RED team had successfully defended their base, and the fighting stopped. RED went inside, celebrating their victory, and Heavy walked up to Spike, who was sitting just inside the entrance to spawn. “Are you okay, Spike?”

Spike nodded, “I think so. I mean, I don’t like that I took a person’s life, even after I remembered both teams can’t really die, and I wanted to defend the base, even if it would have actually costed us our lives. Is that the right way to feel?” Heavy nodded, patting Spike on the back.

“Let me tell you story, Spike. When I was your age, I broke out of, and overthrew, work camp me, my mother, and my sisters had been unjustly put in, after they had killed my father. I had to kill some men in order to get out, but I was too focused on getting my family to safety at the time. Afterward, I felt nearly sick, as the reality of what I had done set in, but I decided that, while I would never like taking lives, when it was choice between killing a man or letting family die, I would always choose family over letting the man live. Team and comrades are also like family, so I protect them like they are family. You are my son, Spike, so it goes for you too.”

Spike nods, his father figure’s story helping him calm down. “Dad?”

“Yes, сын?”

“Can we go visit your family someday?”

“Maybe, Spike. Maybe.”
------------------------------------------End Flashback--------------------------------------
“Wowie, he really said that? He sounds cool.” Pinkie asked, now wanting to meet Heavy. The rest of the mares nodded, also wanting to get to know the man that Spike saw as a father, along with the rest of the team.

“As far as we know. Heavy did say that he and Spike talked about other things, but that Spike had asked for ‘im to keep it between them.” Spy said, taking the mares towards the entrance he had found near where the team had set up. “We’re here.” The light hit their eyes, nearly blinding them until their eyes adjusted. Spy just blinked. “Well, that was quick.” When the mares’ eyes had finally adjusted, they were treated to quite a horrific, if justified, sight.

The Diamond Dogs had been massacred, the whole tribe slaughtered because of the way they had treated the mares. Rover, their leader, was on his knees in front of Spike, whom had a serrated machete in his hand, begging for his life, feeding him information. Spike, for what it was worth, looked pissed, the pathetic life form before him disgusting him with it’s sniveling when, not but a few minutes before, he had threatened to kill his friends. “Does he look like a bitch?” He asked the Diamond Dog, looking for an excuse to shoot him.

“W-what?”

Spike shoots Rover in the shoulder, and asks again. “DOES! HE! LOOK! LIKE! A! BITCH?”

“NO!” Rover cried out in pain.

“Oh, hey, Spy. Hey, Twilight. Wait, TWILIGHT! Uncle Demo, keep Eyelander to this piece of crap’s throat, I need to talk to my friends!”

Demoman nodded, coming up to Rover. “Keep talking, ya piece a’ shite, and maybe I won’t keelhaul ya!” He screeched, putting a greatsword to the canine’s throat. The Diamond Dog’s efforts doubled, giving Demo piece after piece of information.

Spike ran over to the six mares, excitement on his face. “It’s so good to see you girls again!” He then looked around, and realized what scene surrounding them was. “Oh, this isn’t the best place to talk, is it? Maybe we should go to the library, or maybe the farm.” The rest of them nodded, but not before Demoman called out to Spike.

“Spike!”

“YEAH?”

“These guys are a splinter cell! Apparently, the rest a’ the Diamond Dogs have a new king that’s freeing ponies, paying the laborers, making trading treaties, ya know, doing things that are considered HUMANE, ETHICAL an’ POLITICALLY SOUND!”

“Alright, so we don’t have to worry about a retaliation attack?”

“Sounds like it!”

“Okay then, go ahead and cut the bastard’s head off!”

“Okay!” Demoman grinned, and said to the beast, “Go ta hell, and tell the devil, I’m coming fer him next!” He then chopped off Rover’s head, watching it roll down the quarry, before it fell down a hole. “Welp, that’s that. Who wants a drink?”

Applejack chuckled nervously. “Ah think some of our younger family members might follow us. Would ya mind drinkin’ some non-alcoholic apple cider, Mista Demoman?”

Demo laughed. “First off, call me Tavis, lass. I only let Spike get away with calling me Demo because that was what he first knew me as, and it kinda stuck. Second, I won’t mind, as long as it’s good cider. Right fellas?!” The rest of the team shouted an a affirmative. “See? Good food an’ good company can go a long way with us.” Applejack smiled. That, she could relate to.

Chapter 3: Feast, Stories, Meeting Celestia, a Job Offer, and… Discord. (So, a Lot Happens)

After Spike, the girls, and the RED team had gotten back to Ponyville, it was decided that the team would get to know Spike’s friends, and vice versa, over dinner at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack’s family farm, and the Apples did not disappoint when it came to the food and company. The Reds instantly took a liking to the Apples, and offered to help around the farm when it was needed.

Applejack tried to tell them that they didn’t need to do that, but Granny Smith had already accepted the offer. “Ah ain’t getting any younger, dear, an’ they did offer their help.” She said after Applejack asked her why. “Besides, they remind me of our own family, in a way.” The Reds agreed, saying that they never left a debt unpaid. It was true. Good food and good company did go a long way as far as the RED team was concerned.

Afterwards, the Reds told some stories about their homes and families to the ponies who had accepted them as Spike’s family. Demo told tales of his father, Lord William DeGroot, the “Man with a Thousand Jobs.” Heavy told them tales about living with his mother and sisters, while Scout told them about his hard-working, yet loving, mother, and how he and his older brothers would get in trouble around town back in Boston.

Sniper told tales of growing up in the Outback, hunting with his father and cooking with his mother, while Soldier told them tales about his own father, a Lieutenant Jack Dover, and Merasmus, his roommate who was also a wizard. Spy told tales of his many lovers, while Pyro spun yarns straight from the legends of his homeland, finally able to take off his gas mask again (It got stuck due to an accident earlier in his career). Engineer told them about his grandfather, who got him into science, and Medic told them some of his stranger experiences as a doctor. He was just finishing one such story, (“Und that’s how I lost my medical license.”) when Spike belched out a piece of paper.

“Forgot I could do that.” He said, just as surprised as the RED team. He opened the scroll in his hands, and his eyes widened. “Uh, Twilight, guys, it’s from Princess Celestia.” This made the team’s eyes widen as well. “It says she wants to see if you’re alright, Twi, and to see the people who rescued you. She also says that she’s glad I’m back, and that she’s coming over tomorrow.” Twilight started to panic, but the Red team calmed her down quick, thought she still looked nervous.

“Why are ye so worried, lass? Sure, she’s a princess of these lands, but from what Spike told us about her, she won’t mind us.” Demo said.

“It’s not just that, she’s also my teacher, and the person who raised Spike during his early years. He only stayed with me after he was 8.”

“Didn’t you hatch him, though?” Scout asked, confused.

“Yeah, when I was 8 myself. I was still a filly!”

“Ah, that makes more sense, then.” Scout said, understanding.

Heavy, for one, was thinking about something. “Hmm, Spike?”

“Yeah, Dad?”

“Do you consider Celestia a mother-figure?”

“Yessir.”

“Then we need to meet her. Family does not avoid each other.” He said, showing some of his vast, yet often unexpected, fatherly wisdom. “Do you agree, comrades?”

The Reds nodded, showing that they were all excited to meet more of Spike’s family. Spike sighed. “Alright, but I’m still nervous myself.”

Heavy nodded. “Not unexpected. After all, this is first time meeting each other. We will be on best behavior.” The team nodded, knowing how important first impressions were.

The next day, the team was getting ready for the meeting, each having showered, and gotten dressed in their best clothes. Of course, this meant that they were dressed in their work clothes, but still, it was their first time meeting Celestia, and not only was she somepony very important here, but she was also Spike’s family, and that was more important to the team than any position of power.

They had just set the table (She was coming over for lunch, and Heavy and Pyro had volunteered to cook. The team pushed for this, swearing by the fact that they make great food), when they heard a knock at the door. “I’ll get it!” Scout said, already at the door. Opening the door, he saw a beautiful white alicorn mare with a flowing, translucent prismatic mane and tail. “Oh, you must be Ms. Celestia.” Scout said, remembering his mother’s lessons about talking to those in a superior position to you.

“I am, and you are?” She said, her voice sounding like that of an angel’s.

“Call me Jeremy, or Scout, ma’am. The others just set up the table, so we’re still getting ready. Could you give us a few moments?” She nodded, and Scout ran to the dining room. “She’s here at bit early, fellas. What should we do?” The others decided to convene to the living room, and wait for Pyro and Heavy to finish. Scout returned to Celestia, not even winded. “The others are in the livin’ room while Heavy an’ Pyro finish cooking. Would you follow me over there, please?” She nodded, and followed Scout.

“Hey, guys, this is Celestia, Spike’s mother-figure. Ms. Celestia, I would like you to meet the RED team, minus Heavy an’ Pyro.” Scout said, introducing the Reds to the pony that Spike saw as a mother. They then introduced themselves one by one.

“Bonjour, madame. I am Jean-Paul, ze Spy.”

“Hello, yer highness, I’m Tavis, the Demoman.”

“Well, howdy, ma’am. I’m Dell, the Engineer.”

“Gutentag, Fraulein Celestia. I am Christian, the Medic.”

“Hello, ma’am, I’m Janis, the Soldier.”

“‘Ello, miss. I’m Mundy, the Sniper. Misha, the Heavy, and Juan, the Pyro, are in the kitchen.” Sniper finish, being the last in line to introduce himself.

“Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you all. So I understand Spike came under your care?” Celestia asked. The team confirmed this for here, and then started to tell her stories about Spike growing up in their care, and about themselves, where they came form, and such and such.

Pyro then came in after a few minutes, dressed in an chef’s outfit and a apron that said “Ki~~ss~~-ll the cook”, a testament to his love of cooking, and his combat skills. “Lunch is ready, amigos! Oh, hola, Senorita Celestia.” He said with a light Mexican accent, waving towards the princess. She smiled when the rest of the team cheered.

“Alright! I’ll tell you right now, yer Highness, Pyro an’ Heavy are great cooks!” Demo said to the princess with an excited tone, making her giggle.

“Alright, amigos, I had some trouble with making some of these recipes when most of us are now herbivores, and I asked Twilight to help out,” Pyro said, passing out food. “So feel free to make suggestions, and please tell me if you don’t like something, and why. Also, me and Spike are still omnivores, so I had to make a separate meal for us.” He then looked at Celestia sheepishly, which was impressive for a dragon. “That is, if you don’t mind, senorita.” She shook her head, clearly pleased with his politeness. Pyro then went back into the kitchen to check on his and Spike’s meal, and Heavy came into the room.

“Алло, Princess Celestia!” He said, bowing to their royal guest. “I am Misha, the Heavy, and Spike’s father figure. It is honor to have you here.” He then sat down with the rest of the team, and Pyro finished serving the food just as Twilight and Spike came into the room.

“Hi, Princess Celestia/Hey, Mom.” They said at the same time, before looking at each other, and sharing a short laugh, and sitting down.

Celestia smiled at seeing two of the people she considered like her own children again. “It’s good to see you again, Spike.” She said, happy to she her adoptive son after so long.

“It’s good to see you too, Mom. I see you’ve already meet the team.” Spike said, happy to be surrounded by family again. And they were getting along too! Then he considered something that had been at the back of his mind all day. “By the way, I don’t think I asked Twilight this, but how long has it been since I went ‘missing?’” He asked.

Celestia frowned, already seeing the problem. “Only about 3 months, Spike. I’m assuming you’re asking because Twilight and the others hadn’t age at all compared to you?” Spike nodded, and finished chewing the food he had in his mouth.

“Yeah, because for me, it’s been about… 9 years? Is that right, fellas?” The Reds nodded, confirming his own suspicions. “So there is a time difference, then, and of 1/36 too. That may be a problem. From what Uncle Enji told me, time differentials can have a drastic effect on the body, and it’s not a good thing. But I’m not sure about dimensional time differentials” He looks around, seeing that the RED team weren’t suffering any ill effects. “Doesn’t seem like there are any problems, but then again, Grandpa Medic hasn’t done a check-up on any of us yet.”

Medic slaps his forehead. “Mein Gott, I haven’t, have I? Ve are doing that immediately!” His stomach rumbles it’s discontent at this statement, making him blush in embarrassment. “... AFTER lunch. I’m too hungry right now, and I’m sure the rest of the team is, as vell.” They nodded, and then everyone dug in, not wanting to wait anymore to eat.

After the meal, Medic did a check-up on all the team members, including himself, while Spike talked to Celestia and Twilight about growing up and into his own with the mercenaries around. “ HAHahaha, y-you have to imagine how awkward puberty was with 9 other guys in the same place.” He said, laughing with them. “When I had dreams about Rarity, because I could only get glimpses of my previous memories in my sleep, I thought I dreaming about Spy as a femme-fatale version of a pony! It really freaked me out!” That got an awkward laugh out of all three of them, before they burst out laughing, imagining Rarity as a secret agent, and, of course, complaining that she got blood all over one of her nice dresses.

“It’s good to see that you haven’t lost your sense of humor, Spike.” Twilight said, giggling at the punchline of one of his many stories. “But I wish you didn’t didn’t have to see so much conflict.”

Spike shrugged. “It was a part of life with them, Twi. Besides, it means I can actually protect you and the others when the situation calls for it, and I wasn’t ever alone. The team always backed me up.”

Celestia looked thoughtful at this statement. “I can see that, and yet, I can’t help but think…” She said. “Maybe I can use your expertise.”

Spike gained a curious look. “How so?”

Celestia gains a small smile. “What’s the cost to hire the RED team for a long term mission?”
Spike’s face gained a wide, savage grin, like that of a goblin. “Part of my job is that I handle the team’s finances, it comes to me naturally as a dragon. It would be around 30,000 bits up front, with a continuous stipend of 25,000 bits a months, to cover cost of living & upkeep of the mission, plus 5,000 bits profit split between the 10 of us. It’s so expensive because we will need to train people on how to make our weapons’ parts and ammo. The rest goes to a living fund for repairs to the place we live in, food, furniture, and other such items. I CAN cut it to 15,000 bits a month if you provide a base big enough to hold the 10 of us that is up to our living standards. If it isn’t up to our living standards, or worse, not up to code, I can only cut it to 20,000 bits a month.” He sees the stunned looks on the faces of the two mares. “What, do I have something on my face?”

Twilight screams, “It’s that expensive?!”

However Celestia whispers, “It’s that cheap?”

Spike’s grin grows even wider. “Damn, I knew the Equestrian treasury had to be vast, but to call something like that CHEAP? I’m shocked that you don’t have you and Aunt Luna don’t have your own private castles that you can go to for a vacation. And yes, Twilight, to the average citizen, that IS very expensive, but we were hired by multi-BILLIONAIRES back at Teufort, so it’s actually quite a steal.”

He then frowned. “Of course, I’m used to dollar bills, so I had to make a FEW estimates, because Equestria uses gold for its currency, which is a precious metal back on Earth.” He then proceeds to go on a small rant about finances, the value of precious metals and currency differentials, which made the two ponies feel a bit awkward, having limited knowledge on the subject.

“Spike, could you come back to Equis for a bit?” Twilight asked. Spike then stopped his rant, and focused.

“Right, right, sorry. So what’s the mission?”

Celestia smiled. “My niece's wedding is coming up, and there have been reports of… Changeling attacks around the area.” She frowns. “I’m worried that an old enemy of mine and my sister is coming back, trying to use her for revenge, possibly by stealing her fiance.” She turns to Twilight, and then back to Spike. “I think you may know him, actually.”

Spike nods. “It’s Shining Armour and Princess Cadence's wedding, isn’t it?”

Twilight’s jaw dropped at the fact that her BROTHER, Captain of the Royal Guard, was getting married to her old babysitter, who was a PRINCESS! And he hadn’t told her?! “OH, he is in SO much trouble, AFTER Spike stops those Changeling attacks!” She said, more upset about the fact that he hadn’t told her about it, rather than he was getting married at such a young age. They both were only in their early 20’s, but that wasn’t an unusual age to get married at.

“Can you tell me anything about the Changeling’s leader?” Spike asked, clearly wanting more information on the enemy.

Celestia nodded. “Her name is Queen Chrysalis, and she is a master of infiltration. One of the Changeling’s most prominent abilities is the fact that they can imitate anyone, at anytime, using their magic.”

Spike nods, familiar with this idea. “Spy can do that as well, using his technology, but he can also go invisible, and even fake his own death at any time. Each of us have been trained in the art of ‘Spy-Checking’, so I don’t think this would be MUCH different… Let me talk to the guys, and see if this is something they would want to do.”

Celestia nodded, knowing from experience when setting up the royal guard that the team had to all decide to do a mission, otherwise they couldn’t do it. If one of them wouldn’t give it their all, then the rest had to pick up the slack, which was dangerous during such a delicate mission. “I don’t need you to decide right away, the wedding isn’t for another 6 months. We have time, for now.”

Spike nods to her, and went to the team to discuss the job.

It was quite the understatment to say it a crazy day in Ponyville. Discord had escaped his stone prison, and the Celestial Six (The Reds’ nickname for the 6 mares) had been “discorded”, flipping their personalities and values around to the negatives. The RED team was sick of it, and had been called in to deal with the threat. Spike, himself, was pissed. “This… Discord is like Merasmus, only he’s got no limits! Who else wants to kick his ass!?” The Reds shouted their consent, appalled at the unfiltered and dangerous chaos.

After making it to the gardens inside the castle grounds, having been told that the mares faced him there. “Wherever this Discord is, we will find him, and kill him!” Heavy shouted, clearly upset. “He hurt family, so he will die like snake being crushed under boot!”

The rest of the team roared in agreement, knowing that their new ammo types being able to damage magical protection. “FOR PONY!” Juan said through his mask, leading the charge into the garden maze, burning a path straight to the middle with his flamethrower.

As the team went on, they came across Twilight and Pinkie, both back to normal, and they said that they would help the rest of the Six. Spike nodded, and followed his uncle’s path of destruction and fire.

When the 10 of them finally came across Discord, he seemed to be extremely nonchalant about the whole thing. When Spike told him they were there to kill him, he laughed. “You really think you can kill me, the Spirit of Chaos!? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

He kept laughing, the thing all one big joke to him, until Sniper shot one of his horns off with his new magic-piercing rounds. “Bullseye, mate.” He said menacingly, scaring Discord out of his wits.

“As you can clearly see, we CAN hurt you, and we WILL kill you, as long as you are a threat. If you can come back from death, we will beat you, again and again, as long as we draw breath.” Engie said, using his Wrangler to aim his sentry at the chaotic being. “So, what’s it gonna be, partner?”

Discord, seeing no other option, used his magic to teleport away, taking his chaos with him. “COWARD! Get back here, maggot, and fight like a man!” Soldier shouted, feeling that the team had been robbed of a good fight.

Heavy, however, looked thoughtful. “If someone who only wants to cause mischief is this dangerous, who knows what someone who wants to do HARM will do?” He said, catching the rest of the team’s attention. They decided then and there that they needed to talk to Celestia.

“It seems that I must thank you again, RED Team.” Celestia said, seeing that Discord ran away. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Soldier went up, unafraid to speak the truth. “WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUT THE LIVES OF ALL YOUR SUBJECTs IN THE HAND OF THOSE SIX, WITHOUT GIVING THEM PREPARATION? If we did something like that back home, our asses would have been FIRED!” he shouted, angry at the ruler.

Luna became offended, but Celestia put up her hand, stopping her from saying something she would regret. “I understand, Soldier, but you must understand, they had defeated major threats before. I thought they could handle it without my interference. Clearly, I underestimated Discord… again.” She said, hanging her head.

“Well, as long as you realize your mistake, I’ll forgive you.” Soldier said, calming himself down. “Oh, Spike had something he wanted to say to you.”

Spike then stepped up, and cleared his throat. “Princess Celestia, you offered us a job two weeks ago. The team has talked it over,” He grins widely. “ And we would be honored to accept the mission. You know our pay grade, so we won’t ask again. Just point us to where we shoot, and they’ll fall like the flies they are.”