We Learned Something Obsolete

by Lise

Rating: everyone
Tags: Changelings, Octavia, DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3182

Prince Blueblood goes on a date with Rarity. Only he isn’t Blueblood, she isn’t Rarity, and then things get slightly complicated.

Prince Blueblood goes on a date with Rarity. Only he isn’t Blueblood, she isn’t Rarity, and then things get slightly complicated.

Written for Aragon’s comedy contest.

Special thanks to FloydienSlip and Blueshift for editing.

Published 2018-02-09 19:40:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-09 19:40:12 UTC

Here we go again...

Prince Blueblood checked his reflection in the restaurant window. Everything was in order, not a hair out of place. Just to be on the safe side, he ruffled his mane with a hoof, then magicked it into place again.

“Perfect!” the Prince flashed his most charming smile. The result was pleasing: just enough teeth to show sincerity, and a slight curve of the lip to add a hint of suggestive mischief.

Ears and teeth, the stallion thought, turning his ears to be sure they were as immaculate as the rest of him. Reassured, he levitated the restaurant door open and trotted inside.

The Oeuvre d’Art was reasonably filled at this time of night. The prices were considered high for Ponyville, yet that didn’t prevent present and future couples from flocking here for a romantic evening. Prince Blueblood enjoyed coming here.

“Good evening, Monsieur.” A waiter instantly approached. “Might I—“

“Ah, Savoir Fare.” The Prince nodded, cutting him short. “Quite the nice arrangement. Very promising. Which table has Rarity chosen?”

“Madame indicated she preferred a table in the garden,” the waiter replied, not skipping a beat. “However—“

“Right, she enjoys moonlight and fresh air.” Blueblood examined his hoof. It was flawless to the point he could almost see himself in it. “Bring us an appetizer of roses.” He started his way towards the restaurant’s garden. “And skip the green roses. You know how she feels about green.”

Before the Savoir could voice a comment, the Prince levitated a few bits in the waiter’s vest pocket and trotted off. Entering the garden, he stopped. Rarity was sitting in her favorite table by the pear tree, not too far away from the live music. Octavia Harmony was performing a solo tonight—a feat that had cost Blueblood a week’s worth of pleading.

It’s now or never. The stallion adjusted his bow tie, then—doing a final check to make sure everything was in order—approached the table.

“A lovely night, isn’t it?” he asked, across from Rarity. “Nowhere as lovely as you, of course.”

“Darling, you’re such a flatterer.” Rarity giggled behind her hoof. “Please, join me. I already ordered the most fabulous sparkling cider. I believe Fashion Mare described it as the most fashionable drink of the month.”

“You know me too well.” Prince Blueblood sat down and took a sip. It felt strange and bubbly. “It’s...” he carefully considered his words “definitely new.”

“Isn’t it, darling?” Rarity smiled. “It took considerable convincing to get a bottle.”

“As long as you’re happy, it’s entirely worth it.” Blueblood forced himself to take another sip, then levitated the glass slightly to the side.

“It most definitely is, darling,” Rarity leaned forward. “I have a feeling that everything will be perfect.”

“Your roses, Madame.” The waiter interrupted placing a brown of fresh rose blossoms on the table. “And something for you, Monsieur.” He shoved a rolled newspaper into the Prince.

“Huh?” Blueblood blinked. “Umm, thanks?” He levitated the newspaper in front of him. “Umm, just, you know, bring the usual order, will you?”

“Very well, Monsieur.” Savoir Fare rolled his eyes.

“That was weird.” Blueblood twitched an ear. “I wonder what has gotten into him.”

“Don’t be so harsh, darling.” Rarity waves a hoof. “I’m sure he just wants to make sure everything is perfect for us.”

“I guess.” The Prince snorted. “He could have done so without shoving some old newspaper into my hooves and— Look at the headline!” Both ears perked up as he pulled the paper closer. “Prince Blueblood and Fashion Sensation Rarity in Canterlot,” he started reading. “The glamour couple was seen heading into the lucrative Trois Étoiles bistro—“

“That is the place to be.” Rarity moved closer.

“—where his royal highness proceeded to order the top rated red rose appetizer, along with a bottle of Manehattan’s finest sparkling cider.” Nice detail! Blueblood continued quickening his pace. “The dream couple was set for the romantic event of the decade, but it wasn’t meant to be. What?!” The Prince shot up.

“Huh?” Rarity blinked.

“Total disaster?! Broken up?” Blueblood kept reading frantically. This wasn’t at all how he envisaged it. “Affair suspected?!”

“I knew it.” Rarity sighed. “It was going far too well. Like I said yesterday, if there are no hiccups, something’s going wrong.” She pushed away the glass of cider. “At least I can stop drinking that stuff.” She winced. “I don’t know how Rarity can stand it.”

“There must be some mistake.” Blueblood finished the article and started it from the beginning. “The journalist must have gotten it wrong. You know how they—”

“Just let it go, Shelfy.” Rarity took a rose blossom from her bowl. “It was a good attempt. It didn’t work.”

“But they were so perfect! All of Equestria was talking about it!” Blueblood started the article for a third time, then abruptly stopped and slammed the paper on the table. “And I spent weeks learning everything about Blueblood. Tastes, style, morning trotting at four a.m... I even learned how to snore like him!”

“Don’t remind me.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “That was getting so annoying. It was that final whistling thing he did. Like a mosquito hiccuping while doing ballet.”

“Your usual order, Monsieur.” Savoir Fare arrived with a tray of steamed artichokes. “Am I to understand you will skip dessert again?”

Blueblood covered his face. This was the fifth time this month. A few weeks ago he was so excited. With talk of Rariblood being the constant obsession of the press he was certain they would be a perfect match. Instead, it had ended in—

“Hold on!” Rarity grabbed the newspaper. Both Blueblood and the waiter started as she skimmed through the pages muttering to herself. “Aha! There!” She pointed at something in the paper. “I must go to the bathroom!” Rarity leapt from her place and rushed off, leaving the newspaper to float down on the table. “Don’t leave till I’m back! And bring a straw!”

“A straw?” Blueblood’s left ear flopped halfway. “I guess we’re staying?” He looked at the waiter with the uncertainty of a schoolfoal who’d just received an assignment extension.

“Very well, Monsieur,” the waiter said, eyes level. “I’ll go procure Madam a straw.” He trotted off into the restaurant.

“Umm, sure.” Blueblood shrugged. It’s not like tonight could get worse He took a sip of the cider. The taste made his mane stand on end. It really was horrible! How in Equestria was Rarity able to drink that muck? For somepony as refined as her, she had appalling taste in beverages.

“Hi!” A grey earth mare rushed to the table. “Sorry it took so long. It was occupied and I had to find someplace else discreet to change.”

“Huh?” Blueblood blinked.

There was something very familiar in the mare that joined him. Grey coat, dark mane, purple bowtie... Suddenly it him him. This was the same mare that had been providing the music the entire evening, the same he had kept begging for a week to take a break from her busy Canterlot schedule to come here.

“Octavia?” Blueblood’s eyes widened. He started at her for a few seconds, then turned around. Another Octavia was standing a short distance away, playing her cello as she had been since he arrived.

“It’s me!” The new Octavia scrunched, crossing her hooves. “Don’t act so shocked.”

“But, but...” This isn’t good! Not one bit. “But you can’t do this! She’s standing right there.” He nodded discreetly at Octavia who was still playing her cello a short distance away.

“As if she’ll mind!” New Octavia frowned. “Look, I’m trying to save this date, so bug up and go with it!”

“O-okay.” Blueblood swallowed. This feels so weird. He took a bite of his artichoke, then nodded a few times, getting back in character. Prince Blueblood adored artichoke, even if it tasted like boiled pillows. Bite after bite he sat there, looking at new Octavia expectantly, until at one point he could take it no more. “This is ridiculous! None of us have practiced for this!”

“Like that ever helped,” new Octavia snorted. “How much time did we spend learning things about Blueblood and Rarity again?” Blueblood looked away. “And how did that turn out? Oh, I know. They broke up! Everything we spend ages learning and practicing has become obsolete!”

“Well, maybe.” You’ll never let that go, will you? “But Octavia? This is beyond improvisation!”

“Did you even read the article?” She glared. “Or did you just reach the break up and ignore everything else? Affair suspected?” New Octavia waited patiently. “Speculation that Blueblood is having an affair?”

The Prince tilted his head.

“Oh, for hive’s sake! Page nine!” She took the stray with her hooves and put it in her cup.

“Umm.” Blueblood flipped through the paper. “Bowties are in this season?”

“Seriously, Shelfy?” new Octavia grumbled.

“Hold on! Blueblood never liked reading. Give me a moment to readjust!” Why did it have to be page nine? They use the worst font there! It’s like— What?! Sapphire Shores got into a fight? This I must read!

“Hopefully it’s this week.” New Octavia rolled her eyes, then bit into her artichoke.

A few customers on the other tables started whispering among each other. Even in a town like Ponyville having two Octavias be at the same place at once was considered somewhat unusual. Glances were exchanged, comments made in hushed voices, then everything returned to normal. New Octavia was just mid eating a second artichoke, when suddenly a mare jumped out from a nearby bush right next to her table.

“Aha!” the newcomer said, making Octavia choke on her food. “I knew it!”

A wave of gasps filled the garden. All eyes were directed to the new arrival... with the exception of Prince Blueblood, who seemed engulfed in his newspaper. The new arrival was a somewhat small—or petite as proper Canterlot phrasing would go—white unicorn with a spiky cyan mane and a pair of purple shades that looked completely out of place.

“Tavi, how could you?!” the mare asked, taking a seat next to the still coughing new Octavia. “I know we’ve been going through a rough patch, and yeah, I’ve been keeping you up the last few weeks coming up with beats... and I know I missed a few anniversaries because of gigs, but...” She grabbed new Octavia with both hooves. “Where did I go wrong?”

“I-I think—” new Octavia tried to speak but had her breath taken away by a tight hug.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” The cyan-maned unicorn sobbed. “We could have talked about this. Tartarus, I’d have quit my gigs to be with you. I’m serious. Just say the word and no more gigs, no nightclubs, no concerts, nada!”

“You really—” new Octavia tried to protest, but was cut short yet again.

“I didn’t want to believe the papers,” the unicorn went on. “I mean it’s just gossip, right?” She forced a chuckle. “They write crazy crap about me all the time. But... all the times you sneaked away to go practice in secret, going to Ponyville without telling me, coming to play in a restaurant... Did it have to be him?” She glared at Blueblood with such rage, that he it felt like she’d burn through the newspaper. “I mean—”

“Vinyl,” a soft voice said nearby.

“He’s a total jerk! And yeah, I had a thing for him once, but that was ages ago, way before I met you!”

“Vinyl,” the voice said louder.

“And not to mention he’s a total moocher! Last time we went out he didn’t even offer to pay half and—”

“Vinyl!” Octavia—old Octavia—shouted.

Vinyl jumped. She stared at Octavia, then at Octavia, then at Octavia again. Her glasses levitated slightly down, just enough so she could see both with her own eyes. Hesitant, she opened her mouth to say something. Halfway there, she closed it, then opened it again, remaining silent for a few seconds and closed it once more.

Seconds passed.

“Tavi?” Vinyl managed to break through her cycle of hesitation. “Do you got a long lost twin sister?”

“Vinyl, that is Labrum,” Octavia said.

“Oooh, riiight!” Vinyl laughed, letting new Octavia go. “Heh, sorry. My bad. I thought you were Rarity this week.”

“I was.” New Octavia quickly moved away. “Until the—”

“I got it!” Blueblood said triumphantly, slamming the paper on the table once more. “Blueblood is having an affair with Octavia Harmony!”

“You’re fast.” New Octavia glared at him.

“Oooo!” Beside her, Vinyl made dramatic noises.

“Actually, I’m not.” Octavia sighed. “The press is out to make headlines. Every few weeks they pick somepony at random and claim Blueblood is having an affair with them. Last month it was Lyra.”

“Yeah!” Vinyl agreed, helping herself to some artichoke. “Totally the same thing happened to me a few years back. Them journos got it totally wrong. As if I’d stray from my Tavi, am I right?” She winked. Both Octavia rolled their eyes. “So, what are you two up to?”

“Dating.” Blueblood flashed a wide smile.

“Or trying to,” new Octavia grumbled. “Until we learned that Blueblood and Rarity broke up. Sometimes I think we’ll never experience a true date.”

“Hey, we’re just off to a bad start.” I hate it when you get all gloomy. It tastes really yucky when you’re sad.

“Yeah, flukes always happen.” Vinyl nodded, levitating the last artichoke towards her.

“The word you’re thinking about is ‘mishaps’,” Octavia corrected. “But, I agree. You shouldn’t give up just because it didn’t work out this time. I’ve had my bad days too. It didn’t make me quit music.”

“I don’t know.” New Octavia pushed her—now empty—plate to the side of the table. “Before that there was the BigMac-Cheerily misunderstanding, before that the Appledash disaster... Rainbow Dash still hasn’t completely forgiven us for that one.”

“It was an honest mistake.” Blueblood grumbled. Not my fault that Rainbow was so cryptic about the whole thing! And how was I supposed to know that good friends meant good friends?! He had asked her directly five times, then five more before she stopped running away. There just had to be some sort of relationship there! Unfortunately, even if there was that didn’t make this night any better.

Blueblood folded the newspaper and put it next to the empty plate. How do I fix this? he wondered. Intuition hadn’t worked, planning hadn’t worked, research hadn’t worked... what was there left? Relaxing on his hoof, Blueblood watched blankly as both Octavias and Vinyl went through all his failed dates. Good thing the other customers had become used to it. It would have been terribly embarrassing if they hadn’t been aware he was a changeling, almost as bad as that first time. Blueblood shivered. The memory had left deep scars, as well as a few hoofprints on his shell. If only he could be slightly more adventurous. All of a sudden, his ears perked up.

“Honestly.” New Octavia shook her head. “If you ask me—”

“Oh! What’s that in the sky?” Blueblood pointed up.

The moment everypony looked up there was a brief—though bright—green flash of light. When they looked back down again, the Prince had disappeared, replaced by none other than a new Vinyl Scratch.

“Yo, pones!” new Vinyl said, levitating a rose to her mouth.

“For stars’ sake, Shelfy!” New Octavia raised her forelegs to the air. “Just like that? Shifting in public? Have you lost any sense of decency? And copying Vinyl too!”

“Cool!” Vinyl said, only to get tapped on the back of the head by Octavia. “Hey!”

“What works works, babe.” New Vinyl shrugged. “‘Sides, you told me to improv a bit. So I’m improving.”

“I didn’t mean changing into the first mare you saw! No offense, Vinyl.” She turned to Vinyl for a moment. “A warning would have been nice. At the very least, you could have gone to change in the bathroom, not resolved to such foalish methods!”

“I still think it was cool.” Vinyl grumbled.

“Ahem.” A polite cough came from nearby. “Pardonnez moi, Mesdames, but the music of the evening is lacking. Should I maybe call a replacement?”

The two Octavias looked at each other. There was a moment’s pause before Octavia shook her head.

“That won’t be necessary,” she said. “I’ll resume my performance in but a few minutes.”

“Trés bien, Madame.” Savoir gathered the empty plates from the table. “Let me know if Mesdames wish anything more for the evening.” He then went into the restaurant.

“If you want I could play, instead,” new Octavia offered Octavia. “It’s the least I could do considering the circumstances. It might give you a chance to enjoy the evening.”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly...” Octavia refused. “This is your date, after all.”

“No prob, Tavi! You can take turns!” Vinyl offered.

“Yeah!” new Vinyl agreed. This improv thing is turning out quite fun! “We’ll share Tavi while you’re gone.”

“Yeah!” Vinyl nodded her head enthusiastically.

“Vinyl!” both Octavias shouted in unison.

“What?” both Vinyls shrugged. “Just saying, babe.”

Yes! Finally! New Vinyl gave a silent cry of victory. They had achieved perfect synth. The improv experiment had turned out a success, and not only that! Vinyl and Octavia seemed to be the perfect pair. It was incredible why no one had realized sooner. The sweetness of their love was so strong that it poured from them like a waterfall of honey. There was no pretense, deceit, or secrecy, just a couple that adored each other. If anypony could get him and Labrum to experience the perfect date, it was them.

“Oh, very well,” Octavia capitulated. “I’ll go apologize to Savoire and tell him to call his backup musician.”

“Yay!” Three ponies clopped their hooves.

“Before that, there’s just one thing I must say.” Octavia took a deep breath. “Shelfy, I’ve known you two for a while, and I do consider you my friends, so I will go ahead with this. But this is the only time!” Her tone became alarmingly sharp. “After tonight, you will not use my or Vinyl’s form to go on dates, walk about Ponyville, or absolutely anything really.”

Wait, what? New Vinyl blinked. But, but… we were in perfect sync…

“Anyway, give me a moment. I’ll be right back.” She trotted off to the restaurant.

“Hold on, Tavi!” Vinyl rushed after her. “Can we at least consider this?”

Left behind, new Vinyl and Octavia looked at each other. The other customers, who had secretly been eavesdropping to the drama, now quickly returned to their own dates, getting back to their food and previous discussions. The show had ended. At least for the next few minutes.

“Well.” New Vinyl levitated off her glasses. “We learned something else obsolete tonight.”

“Seems so.” New Octavia nodded. “At least it didn’t take us a week.”

“Yeah.” Rub it in, why don’t you? “Who are we going as tomorrow night?”

“Hmm.” New Octavia scratched her muzzle. “Let’s try Princess Twilight. I heard the most interesting rumor at the spa, when I was Rarity earlier today…”