Inconvenient

by MaxKodan

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Romance, Rarity (EqG), Equestria Girls
Length: 4427

Sunset just wanted a haysadilla. Everything got worse from there.

(Prequel is not required reading)

Sunset just wanted a haysadilla. Everything got worse from there.

Entry for Aragon's Comedy (is Serious Business) Contest

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Published 2018-02-10 07:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-10 07:10:07 UTC

Aftermath

Sunset Shimmer had become a demon. Once you hit that level of absurdity in your life, there isn’t a whole lot left to surprise you. Not really, anyway. Extradimensional sirens? Okay, sure, but I was a demon. Inventing a device that can absorb magic? Neat. I was a demon once. Quasi-evil camp staff turning into crazed dryad witches? Nice one, but boy do I have a story for you…

So when Sunset and Rarity sat down at the cafeteria table with their trays of food and stared at them for three solid minutes like they were trying to reheat the pizza with their minds, their friends caught on pretty quickly.

“What d’ya think’s wrong with ‘em?” Applejack leaned over the table and waved a hand in front of Rarity’s face, to no response.

“I bet I know,” Rainbow Dash said in a hushed tone, drawing everyone closer. “I was over at Sunset’s the other day and she totally had a 36 in the fridge.”

Fluttershy’s eyebrows shot up. “What? I can’t imagine them actually drinking so much…” She trailed off, glancing around to make sure no one else heard.

“I saw them too. They were cupcakes, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

“Well yeah, what did you think I meant?” Rainbow asked, then winced as Applejack punched her in the arm.

Pinkie Pie put her hand to her chin, squinting at Sunset’s worried expression. Then she looked at Rarity, who seemed paler than usual. She drifted closer for a better look, crawling right onto the table. Applejack yanked Fluttershy’s food tray out of the way before Pinkie’s hand could land in it. This, unfortunately, placed it directly in the path of her foot, which followed shortly after. Pinkie got directly into Sunset’s face, scrutinizing it closely. Then she gave Rarity the same treatment. She let out a loud gasp and leaped all the way back to her seat, covering her mouth with one hand and pointing at Sunset with the other.

“YOU GOT RARITY PREGNANT!”

“What!?” Fluttershy dropped the flattened half of a kiwi she’d been mourning.

Twilight had leapt into action, covering Pinkie’s mouth and muffling the exclamations of congratulations and the terrible name suggestions. It was too late, however, as nearly everyone at the nearby tables had turned to look. On the plus side this included Sunset, who had been shocked out of her stupor.

“Huh?” She turned to look at Pinkie, blinked twice, shook her head, and caught up on the conversation. “What? No, what!? Pinkie, how would I even...I’m a girl!”

“Didn’t stop Lyra and Bon Bon,” Pinkie said through Twilight’s hands.

“That was my little COUSIN!” someone, presumably Bon Bon, shouted from somewhere.

Pinkie shoved herself to her feet, knocking Twilight over in the process. “That excuse ain’t gonna fly with me, sister!!”

“Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else,” Applejack said as Fluttershy tried to evade Pinkie’s flailing arms to get to the downed Twilight.

“Talk? About what?” Sunset sat back down and, with a bit of hesitation, picked up her pizza. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, her cheeks stuffed with food, “And Pinkie’s the master of subtlety.”

“I will FIND that birth certificate, you hear me!?”

“Alright, sugarcube,” Applejack said, standing up. “Let’s get you some fresh air.”

“No, seriously, everything’s okay.”

“Take one bite of that pizza and I’ll believe you.”

Sunset stared at the mediocre handout she was still holding. She opened her mouth, moved it closer…Then grunted and dropped it back on the tray. “Fine.”

“Rarity?” Fluttershy said, now on the far side of the table from the raving Pinkie Pie and obviously prepared to leave. “Are you coming?”

“I am,” Rainbow said, her food already gone.

“No yer not.” Applejack put on her stern face. “You’re staying here and helping Twi.”

“I ain’t buyin’ what you’re sellin’, candy-girl!” Pinkie would have lunged over the table, but Twilight held desperately to her waist. “Unless it’s those little mints they put on pillows in hotels!”

"Blah.” Rainbow rolled her eyes and pushed up her sleeves. “Alright, come on, Pinkie. Let’s leave them al—Ow!”

“THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW!!”

Sunset paused, then placed a hand on Rarity’s shoulder. She started, looking up. “Oh...No, it’s okay, darling. I’ll stay here.” She placed her hand over Sunset’s before she could protest.

Sunset stared at their hands, then let out a sigh. “Okay.”

Sunset leaned back against the wall and breathed the fresh...ish air. She pursed her lips and adjusted her jacket. “So, what?”

Applejack and Fluttershy exchanged a look. Applejack spoke up first. “So, what happened?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Um…I don’t mean to be rude...” Fluttershy traced a line along the cement with her toe. “But you’re a really bad liar.”

“Is it...that obvious?” Sunset’s head retracted down towards her shoulders.

Applejack gave a single nod. “I’ve seen people hitchhiking back from the casino with better poker faces than you.”

“You don't have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Fluttershy said, cutting off Sunset’s reply at the roots. “But we can really tell that something is wrong and we want to help you if we can.”

Sunset buried her face in her hands and groaned. “You guys are just...way too helpful.”

“I’m sorry.” Fluttershy flushed and tucked into herself.

“Stop that, I actually can’t take it. Alright, alright, I’ll talk. At least someone will know exactly how badly I messed things up.”

“Oh no, did y’all watch ahead on season 7 of Dappled Shores?”

“Ooh! What did you think about the—”

“NO!” Sunset threw up her hands as if she were holding up a physical barrier against spoilers. “No, I did not watch ahead again, and we postponed last week due to the other thing I managed to ruin.”

Applejack sat on the nearby railing in such a way that couldn’t possibly be comfortable, but looked unremittingly cool. Fluttershy smoothed out her skirt and sat on her backpack. Sunset remained in her spot against the wall.

“Okay,” she said, gearing up. “This all started because I wanted a haysadilla.

“What the heck is a haysadilla?” Rainbow Dash, true to form, had stuffed her cheeks with Sunset’s pizza 5 minutes after she’d left. It was considered abandoned property by an unspoken rule.

“It’s cheese and hay folded in a tortilla shell,” Rarity said with a sigh. Then she looked around at the scrunched up noses. “I know, I know, but it’s a pony thing.” She pushed a piece of fruit around on her tray. “She was feeling nostalgic and homesick, so we wrote to Twilight — Princess Twilight, my dear — asking if it would be okay to visit.”

“And she...I?” Twilight got a far-off look in her eyes as she started contemplating personal pronouns in 5 or more dimensions.

“She,” Pinkie said, munching on something which no one wanted to ask about, as her tray had been empty since she threw its contents across the room a few minutes earlier. “She’s not you, silly! You’re you! And we wouldn’t have you any other way!” She reached out and gave Twilight an amicable hug. Twilight flinched.

“I’ll reassure my ice packs tonight,” she grumbled, hesitantly returning the hug with one arm and holding her side with the other. “She said no?”

“Oh no!” Rarity’s voice sounded like it was being pushed through a strainer. “No, she agreed right away! I asked if I could join her, because...you know, I wanted to be a part of that time of her life, if she missed it so much.”

“That makes sense,” Rainbow muffled, finally swallowing. “So Sunset said no then?”

“She was so happy that she swept me up into her arms and...well, she said yes.”

“Enthusiastically.” Rainbow waggled her eyebrows. Twilight rolled her eyes. Rarity blushed.

“Is there any other way to say yes?” Pinkie bounced in her chair and Rarity blushed deeper.

“That’s so romantic!” Fluttershy said, dropping her chin into her hands with a sigh. “Imagine a whole new world to explore together.”

“Well…” Sunset rubbed her arm. “Yeah. It was a really great idea, and I was really looking forward to it. We were going to get a royal reception and everything.”

“Were?” Applejack cocked an eyebrow, kicking her feet under the railing. “Did they have to cancel or somethin’?”

“Well, no. See, Rarity and I went up to the statue and y’know...I gave her the speech.”

“The speech?” Fluttershy frowned, some of the twinkling romance gone from her eyes.

Sunset shrugged. “It’s not easy turning into a pony. There’s balance things, everything’s a bit awkward, your neck is curved up from your body, so that’s a whole different thing, then there’s having 4 legs and fur, no fingers or toes, mouth at a totally different shape, that kind of thing. It can be really jarring.”

“Oh, so you were preparing her for the change, then. Good plan.” Applejack narrowed her eyes.

“It sounds fascinating, I’d like to visit sometime.” Fluttershy sighed, threatening to slip into longing again. She was jarred back to reality a moment later.

“NO!”

They both looked up, shocked, at Sunset, who was already covering her mouth with her hands. She collapsed back to the wall. “Sorry,” she said, “I’m not sure that’s a great idea. Just let me finish, okay?”

“O...kay…” Applejack reset her slightly squinty stare.

“Right, so, I gave her the speech, but I might have...rushed it.”

“Rushed like skipped a bunch of parts or rushed like gym class on leg day?” Twilight had subconsciously shimmied closer to Rarity and, by sheer coincidence surely, away from Pinkie.

“Rushed like Rainbow Dash on taco tuesday.”

Rainbow whistled low, shaking her head. “Sounds like you didn’t get much out of the explanation then.”

“Oh, I got the gist.” A bit of vivre had infused itself into Rarity’s mood. Talking, apparently, helped with that. “I expected everything to be strange, but she was so excited to see Equestria again I could hardly blame her for, well, blathering a little.”

Twilight cringed. “That seems like a pretty harsh assessment.”

“No no, it was sweet, really.” A tiny smile lit Rarity’s face a touch more. “And we agreed on the word blathering after the fact, though I admit things were a bit of a blur. I think she’s the one who came up with it. ‘Sorry for blathering,’ she said.”

“Blathering is a funny word.” Pinkie rolled her head back and forth. “Blathering. Blaaaathering. What even is blathering? How do you know when someone’s blathering? Is there a special look you give people when they’re blathering? Ooh ooh! Is it like that one?” She pointed at Rainbow Dash, who held a pizza crust loosely in one hand and glowered.

“Anyway,” Twilight moved to make herself a more effective wall between Rarity and Pinkie. “After the…” she glanced over her shoulder at Pinkie, who still looked thoughtful. “After the discussion, you went through the portal?”

“When I think back on it, that was probably the strangest feeling of them all.” She tapped her fingers on the tabletop. “It felt like I was stretching all of my muscles at once, but not in any way that they were meant to stretch.”

“Like leg day?” Pinkie popped up over Twilight’s shoulder and Twilight barely stopped a reflexive headbutt.

“Like taco tuesday,” Rainbow said, grinning.

“For lack of a better explanation, yes.” Rarity’s smile widened, then slowly dimmed back down to a gentle frown.

“Then...we got to Equestria, and I was a pony.”

“What was it like?” Twilight, finally able to ignore Pinkie’s hovering, leaned forward. “How was being a quadruped? Did you have magic? Like a horn? Did...you…?” Twilight trailed off, watching Rarity’s face fall further and further. “Um...sorry.”

“It’s fine, darling, but I don’t really know how to answer any of those. I was too busy.”

“Busy being an awesome horse person?” Pinkie tilted her head.

“Busy finding the nearest taco stand?” Rainbow said, her mind a total mystery to all those around her.

“Busy...what?” Twilight was again acutely aware of Pinkie’s presence, not to mention the unsease at the table in general.

“Busy screaming.”

“Screaming?” Fluttershy sat up straighter and shuddered.

“Rarity screaming, specifically.” Sunset rubbed her forehead.

“You mean the, ‘I saw a spider’ scream?” Applejack nodded sympathetically.

“No, the ‘something is actually seriously wrong’ scream.”

“Oh no! What happened!?” Fluttershy’s eyes had gone wide. Rarity could be...flippant with her screaming, but there were levels to this sort of thing. The look in Sunset’s eyes gave a pretty clear reading on just how serious a situation this had been. And, to reiterate, Sunset had become a demon once.

“She didn’t take well to being a pony,” Sunset said, though her companions had gotten that message by that point.

“What was wrong?” Applejack planted her feet back on the ground. Letting them swing free no longer felt appropriate. “Did she just not like it?”

“I think it was an unfortunate cascade of awful stuff,” said Sunset. “See, on our side the portal is a statue. Over there it used to be a mirror, but Twilight built a big machine so that we could come and go basically whenever we need to.”

“I remember hearing about that, a little. I still don’t really understand it.” Fluttershy braced herself against the railing, looking a bit paler now that she had been shaken from her daydreaming.

“Think of it like a big computer.” Sunset looked about the general area, then peeked around the corner and through the doors. “Sensitive magical machinery. Lots of intricate parts connecting in just the right way to bypass the mirror’s limits.”

“Well, it makes more sense when you put it that way,” Applejack said. “I think. What’re you…?”

Sunset didn’t reply until she was satisfied that they were alone. “Rarity threw up on it.”

Rarity buried her head in her arms, and Twilight rubbed her back.

“So, like, when you say…” Rainbow Dash looked around, then leaned close. “Threw up?”

“Immediately,” she murmured into the table. “I think my feet were on the ground for a couple of seconds first, maybe.”

“Hooves.”

Twilight turned slowly to glare over her shoulder at Pinkie.

“What? You have to be anatomically accurate with these things.”

“I really don’t think this is the time—”

“No, dear, she’s right.” Rarity picked her head up and took in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, then letting it out in a rush. “I had...hooves. Hooves. My fingers were just gone! Everything was so different! And then I was sick, and I think I threw up on Princess Twilight a little as well. I can’t quite recall the details, and no one will tell me exactly what happened.”

“Well, you could have gone straight back through, right?” Pinkie said. “No biggie!”

“I might have broken it when I…”

“Tossed cookies at it?” Pinkie said.

“Exactly.”

“You might have broken it?” Twilight returned to her comforting backrub.

“Oh, I broke it, but I’m not sure if my...cookies were the cause.” Rarity winced and leaned down over her arms again.

Rainbow snorted. “What, did you kick it or something?”

“. . .”

“The whole thing?” Fluttershy gaped.

“It’s not even an exaggeration. Princess Twilight is quick with her magic, though, so the mirror itself stayed standing. All the tubes and other stuff keeping the portal stable went down though. The whole thing.”

“So y’all were stuck,” Applejack said.

“And Rarity is, apparently, phobic of something to do with ponies. Like, it was really bad. I thought she was going to go into shock, but she started running around the room and screaming. It was terrifying, I thought something had gone wrong with the portal and she had come out with her stomach in the wrong place or something.”

“At least you knew her lungs were good?” Fluttershy looked a bit unsure of that one.

“You know,” Sunset said, a chuckle forcing its way out, “at the time i wasn’t really thinking of it that way, but you’re right.”

“So I take it all of her bits were in the right place.” Applejack shifted on the railing.

“Yeah, physically she was fine. She couldn’t describe what was wrong. I think it was an existential horror thing. The throwing up didn’t help, and you know how she is when the stress gets too high.”

“Poor Rarity.” Fluttershy hugged herself, shuddering. “It must have been awful if it got that bad.”

“Yeah,” Sunset, diverting her gaze off to the side. “Yeah..”

“How did you manage to get back?”

“She...well, she fainted.”

“Lack of oxygen?” Applejack frowned, trying to imagine how much screaming that would take, especially for Rarity..

“Remember that existential horror thing? Okay, well, in the middle of all that who should come running in but…”

“Oh, no,” Applejack’s lips parted and her eyes widened incrementally with each new implication that hit home.

“Yeah,” Sunset said, shaking her head.

“Who ran in?” Fluttershy looked between the two, growing more confused.

“Did she…” Applejack brought her fist up to her mouth, imagining the scene.

“Of course she screamed.”

“Screamed?” Fluttershy tilted her head, then started. “Oh. Oh my.”

They all sat in silence, two of them imagining what it would be like with two Rarities screaming at the top of their lungs at the same time. The third relived the experience. After a few moments of silence, Fluttershy ventured a single question.

“Are...are you going to try again?”

“Absolutely not.”

“I guess that’s understandable,” Twilight said. “After that kind of trauma, I can’t imagine wanting to do it again, myself.”

Rarity was silent for a while, staring at her untouched lunch. Rainbow Dash stared at it too. Upon noticing, Rarity pushed it towards her.

“Score!” Rainbow took a giant chomp out of the pizza, then leaned her elbows on the table. “Yeah, I totally get it. I mean there’s something to be said for bravery, but that wasn’t something you just try again.”

“Yes,” Rarity said, though she didn’t meet anyone’s eyes. “That’s why she won’t make me go back.”

Twilight nodded, then paused. She exchanged a look with Rainbow, and then both of them looked back at Rarity.

“She won’t make you?” Pinkie said, preempting identical questions from the other two.

“Yeah, isn’t that like...why you won’t go back?” Rainbow put the pizza down, paying a lot more attention now.

Rarity raised her chin for a bit of dignity, but didn’t reply directly.

“Rarity,” Twilight said, leaning over the table to get a better look at her face. “Do you...Do you want to go back?”

“Of course I’d love it if she could go back. Bringing her into that part of my life would be...it would be fantastic.” Sunset crossed her arms and shook her head. “But there’s no way I’m going to push that issue. It’s my fault for not explaining things better. I didn’t even mention the upset stomach. I put her through that without preparing her, and I’m not putting her through it again.”

Fluttershy and Applejack looked at each other. “Have y’all talked about going back?” Applejack crossed her arms to match Sunset’s pose. She even stood up and took to leaning on the railing rather than sitting.

“Have you not been listening?” Sunset flung her arms open, vaguely gesturing towards the front of the school. “I ruined it. I have never seen her so frightened before, I could barely do anything but stay close to her while Twilight rebuilt the portal. She woke up crying! What kind of mare—” She paused, catching herself, and shaking her head hard to clear it. “What kind of girlfriend would I be if I dragged her back through that portal!?”

“A pretty awful one, I reckon.” Applejack allowed, matching the gesture. “Wouldn’t be much better if you told her she couldn’t go back if she wanted to.”

“If she wanted to!?” Sunset stomped her foot, balling her fists at her side. “Do you even know who we’re talking about?”

“...Rarity,” Fluttershy said, watching from her place on her backpack.

Sunset opened her mouth to reply, but slowly closed it, her fingers uncurling. “...Rarity.”

She spun on her heel and ran back into the building, making straight for the cafeteria.

“Why on earth would she want me to go back there?” Rarity huffed, turning away from her friends. “I made an absolute mess of everything! Yes, of course I would love to be in that part of her life, but I...I tossed my cookies on a princess! She couldn’t possibly want to deal with that sort of repeat performance!”

“Have ya even talked about going back?” Rainbow munched on one of her pizza crusts. “Cause this seems like the kind of thing you didn’t actually talk about.”

Rarity pushed herself to her feet, planting her palms firmly on the table. “Didn’t you hear what I said!? I set foot in Sunset’s home world and my first acts were to break a sensitive piece of equipment, throw up on royalty, and run around screaming until I passed out from seeing myself! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I made her deal with that again?”

“A preeeeeeetty bad one,” Pinkie said, nodding sagely.

“Well your other option is refusing to interact with the earliest parts of her life,” Twilight said.

“Yeah, not sure that’s a whole lot better.” Rainbow shrugged and dropped the third pizza crust back onto her tray.

“I can’t just lay that responsibility at her feet! I mean, she’s...she’s…!”

“Sunset,” chorused the other three.

Rarity faltered, losing her momentum. She blinked as if coming out of a dream. “Sunset,” she said, her voice a distant echo. Then she turned and hastened across the cafeteria, making as straight of a line as she could for the door.

Sunset and Rarity nearly missed each other. Both were so focused on their respective paths that they paid more attention to the cafeteria doors than the person opening them from the other side. Sunset stopped two steps into the room, then did a quick turn and ducked back out, calling Rarity’s name. Rarity turned, only just having realized who she had passed on her way out.

Sunset swept her up in a tight hug, and she reciprocated, letting out a long, shuddering, slightly embarrassing sigh. She didn’t really care though. They stayed like that for a moment or two, though the internal timer for what consisted of “too much” public affection was notoriously short, particularly on school grounds. Their hands remained together as they parted, hanging loosely, comfortably, between them.

“I want to go back,” Rarity said, with such force she surprised even herself. Sunset certainly looked taken aback.

“I couldn’t make you do that,” Sunset said, though she didn’t know why.

“Then it’s a good thing you wouldn’t be making me.” Rarity released one hand and raised it to Sunset’s cheek, holding her gaze. “If...If you would be okay with me trying again.”

“Yes!” Sunset pulled her closer, shattering the PDA timer. “And we will talk way more about what you can expect, I promise.”

“This friday?”

“This friday.”

THAT FRIDAY

The whole group stood in front of the portal to Equestria. Well, most of the group. Pinkie was suspiciously absent. The rest of them clumped together, Sunset and Rarity in front, staring down the blank wall of the statue’s base. They had talked. Hoo boy had they talked. They had talked every day, for hours during and after school. They had talked over the phone late into the night. Every night. They had talked, and both were confident that Rarity was ready this time.

Not the others, though. Twilight was curious but, as a scientist, knew the value of building off of other people's’ experiences. Fluttershy wasn’t quite traumatized, but was very wary after hearing of Rarity’s harrowing adventures, if they could be so called. She was more than happy to let the others smooth out the bumps before she tried this one. Applejack wasn’t going to intrude on the couple for their big moment. Neither was Rainbow Dash. Applejack said so. Pinkie just wasn’t there, and she was presumably doing something that didn’t involve breaking into a safety deposit box at the bank and looking for personal records.

“Ready?” Sunset asked.

Rarity hesitated, then brought the canteen of water she’d strapped over her shoulder to her lips and downed the entire thing. She took it off and handed it back to Twilight, who promptly procured an identical one. Once the strap was secure, Rarity finally nodded. “Yes. I think I am ready.”

“Well, then, let’s—”

A pink blur shot between the small crowd and the portal, followed shortly by a shout.

“I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!”

“Aaaaaagh!” A very out-of-breath voice said. Bon Bon slowed to a stop, propping her hands on her knees and heaving deep breaths. “I was named,” she said. Huff puff. “After my aunt!” Huff puff.

“THE TRUTH SHALL BE KNOWN!”

Bon Bon heaved herself to her feet and, with a groan, continued on. “And that says Key Lyme!! I’m so calling the police by the way!”

“FREEDOM OF THE PRESS!”

“Ah,” Rarity said, rolling her shoulders and standing a bit straighter. “That feels better.”

Sunset wrinkled her nose and gave her a confused look.

“Well, if things are so strange on this side, I guess they can’t be so bad on the other.”

Sunset laughed and kissed her on the cheek. They each gripped the other’s hand and, with waves and well-wishes from their friends, stepped towards the portal.

“You don’t think it’s actually possible that that was Lyra and Bon Bon’s kid, do you?” Sunset asked as they closed the distance.

“I certainly hope not,” Rarity said with a wink, and they stepped through the stone.

There were a few long, silent moments as everyone took the time to appreciate the crickets’ early warm-up as they emerged from their beds and prepared their nightly symphony.

Rainbow Dash frowned, staring after the two, who now stood in an entirely different world. “Y'think she's okay?"

"Yeah," Applejack said, smiling at the portal. No explosions, no screams ripping through the barriers of space and time. "I think she's just fine."

"Um..." Fluttershy kicked a loose pebble. "This was very romantic, but...should we go help Bon Bon now?"

"We probably should, Fluttershy." Twilight put her arms around her friends and pulled them close as they watched the very slightly rippling portal. "We probably should."