Luna felt cold.
It was a winter night. Luna knew that these Equestrian nights had no restraint against the nimble ponies. Yet, she knew everypony would be safe under their covers snoring their precious lives away under her stars, except those in love with them, who gaze at night with their telescopes in hoof, or a lover nestled under glistening feathers. She didn’t know which. She couldn’t tell. But it was a winter night. That’s all she knew.
Luna felt estranged.
It was probably due to her recent return. Some say she took too long, that her arrival back was quite… controversial. Oh, who was she kidding! Ponies knew of her return as a nightmare on repeat, but they became brutally aware of her body torn asunder by harmony’s fierce rebuttal. Yet, as she grit her teeth and stared out into the vast expanse, she wondered if harmony had taken something else from her, not just the nightmare that craved for release, that demanded for too much. She knew there was something else. But she was cast aside. That’s all she knew.
Luna saw the stars twinkle.
She sighed and made her way to the castle’s kitchen. Her mind was fixated on the frivolous need of a warm hug through liquid pride. No, she would not go to some random pony and tell them to cry into a mug! A princess did not demand suffering, or, so she thought. Maybe it was for her own protection, her protection that cried for years as day and night walked miles and miles away from each other, circling Equestria without ever meeting again. It was such a frivolous dance. Much like a cup of coffee. That’s what she knew.
The stars reminded her of home.
There was this sense of home when she thought of him. He was the moon, high in the sky. Often he would show her his emotion: glare when he was angry, the light feeling like the sun’s brother, only it was years away from being seen as equal; softened hues when it felt alone, the moon turning his back on his lovers; and dance when he was happy, glistening with the stars. They twinkled when he was happy. She was happy when that happened too. She remembered when they talked to her, saying how happy they were to see their aunt. It made her feel warm, but not hot like the searing pain of coals touching her hooves. Just warm. Warm enough to feel elated when the stars twinkled. It's what she felt.
Luna was alone.
Nobles pitied her when she walked into night court. Possibly because she was a Princess long gone, a sister known as banished, a danger to modern society. In addition, she was an outcast due to her dialect. Nobles would ask her to repeat what she had said, when what they really meant was to say it in Equish. She knew her language was of the old, but what was she to do? Yes, she knew that a blend of herself was important: she should mingle with society, be a part of the new lingo that drove ponies to create the many inventions they had today. But a part of her wanted to keep herself of the old, for his sake. The moon loved when she addressed him as such: “Thou art home. Cherish mine, as I cherish thou.” He smiled back when she danced using her words. It felt warm, unlike Equestria.
Luna loved coffee.
There’s something about it that made her muzzle scrunch up. It wasn’t unwelcomed, but it felt… familiar, possibly due to it being similar to his warmth. The moon was no doubt her sunshine, and when she helped those ponies who told her to repeat her declaration, he glared at her, wondering why she was so kind to ponies who only tarnished her words. The only response that felt right was between a sip of coffee and a warm smile that countered all those tears that would fall down her face in a fit of anguish. The coffee hindered her sobs.
“Never shall they be alone.”
Her eyes flickered to the cabinet. Coffee brands of all kinds stared at her, begging to be opened. She took one in hoof and cradled it.
“Never shall they feel what I felt.”
The sound of beans being grated into brown reminders ready to be brewed kept her heart from flipping twice.
“Never shall they worry about losing a sister.”
She paused, her hoof stopping just short of her brew. Luna knew that she didn’t lose her. Celly was still around. Yes, still around.
“Never shall a thousand years pass…”
The button was pressed. The brew began. Hot water argued with shredded energy. Their dance was wonderful. And all she could do was keep her hoof over the button, hovering. Was there a reason? No, not in a thousand years. Not in ten thousand years, either. Not that her heart had any say in it, it was already weeping from the thousand years that passed in her life.
Luna hated waiting.
There was this forgone expression that she wore when she stood still. Her ears perked, her eyes darted, and her mouth slightly unhinged. It would be undergone by a certain noise, like a distant rattle that kept playing continuously in her ears. She wanted to take out whoever kept playing it, but no matter what she wished, there was no end to the noise. It was like it was there to make sure she knew she was still living, that there was no waiting in peace. Probably why she liked the moon. It talked to her when he wanted to, and it stayed silent while she reflected for those years. Besides, sound wasn’t something she needed. It was always quiet in space.
Luna loved space.
There was two levels to this statement. Her thought would transition to him, her moon, and how he was there so far away from her, yet so close to her. Yet, there was another thing, a sense of being alone with privacy instead of being forced to be alone. It was like she finally had a choice. However, she wasn’t sure if choice was a good idea, because choice could lead to her previous predicament: loneliness, separation from family, and a view far from what she knew was home. But when her hooves gripped onto the finally brewed steaming treat, she knew there was something else that made her feel more open to choice. The fact that her life was now dictated by choice, not a matter of constraint. It was welcome, like her moon and like the coffee in her hooves, unlike royalty, bearing a crown just so other ponies didn’t have to.
Princess Luna wore her crown.
She trotted out of the kitchen with her delectable treat in her magic. Her mind envisioned her balcony from her chambers, how the view let her see the world she had come to view as her new residence. She needed to see it once more. She needed to see him, too. Her hooves carried her down the hall, racing towards the chamber doors that were left open just enough so she could shimmy right through without a guard raising a brow. And so she did. That’s all she knew.
As she entered, she bucked the door close with her hind hooves and opened the door to her balcony. The cold chill gripped her, but now she had found solace in her midnight trap. She took a sip and ventured forth, looking at her moon and the landscape he viewed. For some reason, her heart swelled, and her mind revelled in this loneliness. Well, loneliness that reminded her of being foreign to a place she once called home. And now, she was a Princess, a member of the crown. Nothing had changed, only the world, the relationship between her sister and herself, and the newfound love for coffee.
All was well, that much Princess—Luna knew.
And she took a sip of her coffee, to remind her of his warmth in a world so cold.
Author's Note
I fucking miss you, Nick. I miss looking up to you. I miss pissing off our Grandma at the dinner table, you literally submerging your chicken nuggets in ketchup while she gave you the damn stink eye. I miss your brothers and you just fooling around, showing me all the pranks we could do. Fucking hate that drugs stole you from us. I hate that the guy who killed you had no remorse. That he said you deserved to die.
I wish you weren't taken so soon. I wish you showed me who you really were, not some hyped up drug addict that you turned into. Here's all the words I couldn't say, because I was too far away and too blinded by my anger of you to say them. I'm sorry, and I know it's too late.
Written while listening to this song.
