Compatī

It was a beautifully sunny day outside: the birds chirping merrily in the trees, the pleasant breeze carrying on its winds the smell of flowers and happiness, and all the other bullshit ponies loved about the midsummer months.

Coppertone wanted nothing to do with it.

She wished it was raining. Hailing, storming, thunder and lightning, meteors and armageddon, something—anything but the disgustingly beautiful day that tried prying through the blinds and into her little corner of oblivion, as if her own personal armageddon hadn’t just happened.

She had been holed up there for a few hours now, huddled up with her body pillow. It may as well have been years. Just forget the world—or more accurately, let the world forget her.

Every time she shut her eyes, all she could see was Sunset. The tears, the anger, the way she smashed the vase at her hooves without a second thought. Her hooves still stung where the glass cut her.

What the hell was she thinking, going to the princess? Copper had thought maybe the princess could talk some sense into Sunset, but she never expected this to happen.

She clenched her body pillow harder. That stupid research project. What the hell was so important about it?

Her bedroom door creaked open, and a pair of hooves stepped inside.

“Get out of my room, Whistle,” Copper said without looking. She was the only pony who would barge in unannounced. No answer, but the box of tissues from downstairs thudded onto her bed a moment later.

“I figured you could use another one,” Whistle said. She took the wad of tissues huddled up at the bedside and shoved them into Copper’s empty tissue box, then set that on her back.

“I… Thanks,” Copper said.

“Feeling any better yet?”

Copper rolled onto her stomach and tucked her hooves under her chest to hide the scabs. She didn’t need any more drama today. It was embarrassing enough as is.

“Kinda.” A moment of silence passed, both of them unsure what to say. “Whistle?”

“Yeah?”

“Why am I like this?”

“Because you’re you.” No hesitation. It was impossible to tell if she was being a smartass.

“Why can’t I just be normal?” With her eyes, Copper traced the seam of her body pillow along its rumples and folds. Anything to keep from looking at Whistle. Her eyes wandered to the clutter of eyeliners and mascaras on her vanity. Little presents from Mom over the years, all of them opened to appease a passing glance but never once used.

Whistle kicked a pair of socks lying in the middle of the floor toward the closet hamper. They made it about halfway, landing on an open Mustang Monthly, where a muscled stallion struck a pose that would arouse any right-minded mare.

“Because then you’d be boring like the cunts who actually fawn over that shit right there.” She pointed at the magazine. “And everypony knows boring sucks.”

Smartass, but genuine. That gave Copper the strength to giggle.

“So what you’re saying is that you suck.”

“Yeah, fuck you too.”

“That’s still an implied yes.” They shared a laugh, and Whistle even gave her a hug, forehead pressed against forehead.

It was moments like these that Copper loved more than anything. She and Whistle got into it real good all the time. That’s just what sisters did. But deep down, Whistle cared, more than anypony in the world, and she wasn’t afraid to show it when it mattered most.

Whistle pulled away and gave the tissue box a gentle nudge toward Copper. “I’m gonna go downstairs before you make me not boring, too.”

“You mean you wouldn’t be down for a little sisterly bonding?” Copper asked and wriggled her eyebrows.

Whistle snorted. “Please. You know a classy lady like me would never stoop to something like that.”

“‘Classy lady’? Don’t insult yourself now.”

“Hey, you know nothing’s more insulting than being your little sister,” Whistle said with a smirk. She cuffed Copper on the shoulder before turning for the door.

That got a laugh out of Copper, but as well-meaning as Whistle’s jab was, she just couldn’t roll with it right now. She’d had plenty of practice smiling for the world when everything hurt inside, though, and here was no different.

“You will have to come down sometime soon, though,” Whistle said. “You know that Mom knows something’s up if the dinner table isn’t set, and I never do it right, apparently.”

Copper slanted her mouth. Right. Mom. That’ll be a fun conversation…

Oh, where’s Sunset? I thought you said she’d be joining us today.

Nah, Mom, she won’t be, on account of your gay-ass daughter being too much of a bitch and letting her feelings fuck everything up. Oh, and did I mention I’m gay? Because let’s not forget how much you hate faggots. What a great role model I’ve been for Lily, right? Don’t worry, though, I’ll go kill myself now so I don’t fuck up anything else.

Whistle’s hoofsteps creaked out the door and down the stairs until they faded away at the landing. A sudden loneliness piggybacked on the newfound silence, and Copper clutched her pillow to her chest.

Who cared about dinner? What did any of it matter? It was all Sunset’s stupid project’s fault.

But what if she had just talked to her? Yeah, about that…

The thought played over and over in her head. All the opportunities presented, all the chances wasted. She could have kissed her right there in the park last week. The hotel room in Manehattan. She could have kissed her anywhere, at any time. If only Sunset knew, how much would have turned out different?

Even if it didn’t, at least she’d know. At least they’d be on the same page. If nothing else, Copper could have walked away with her head held high.

She rubbed her fetlocks, ran the tips of her hooves over the hairline scabs. Tears beaded in the corners of her eyes.

Something shattered downstairs, and a muffled “Fuck!” trailed in from the hallway.

Copper snorted, then sighed. Come on, lazyass. Enough moping for today.

Smile for the world, and off she went.

Downstairs, Whistle was cleaning up the remains of a glass cup off the dining room floor, and Copper couldn’t help the smirk on her face as she strolled in.

“I guess you weren’t lying about never doing it right after all,” Copper said.

“Yeah, well, me doing it wrong is still a shitload better than you not doing it at all, lazyass.”

Good old Whistle. Bringing things back to normal. Honestly, it was probably just that she couldn’t stand being sappy for long periods of time. But there was a certain honesty to it, even if her normal self could be rather abrasive.

Copper watched Whistle set the table, but noticed she put the spoon and fork on the left side of each plate. “Fork, knife, spoon,” Copper said.

“Huh?”

“Fork, knife, spoon. It’s alphabetical. The fork goes by itself on the left side, and the knife blade faces inward toward the plate.” She grabbed the utensils from Whistle’s aura and set them according to the format she’d learned in Home Ec her freshman year.

Whistle shot her a frown. She mockingly pantomimed Copper and waggled a hoof up and down.

“Great,” Whistle said. “Now that’s gonna be stuck in my head forever.”

“It’s just that much less dick you have to think about now, right?”

“Big talk from a pony who’s never taken one.”

“Bigger talk from a pony who’s also never taken one but actually wants to.” Copper threw Whistle that carefree smile that always got under her skin.

Whistle blushed. She actually blushed. Check fucking mate. Nothing shut Whistle up faster than reminding the Queen of Cock herself that she was still a virgin.

Not that a mare her age should be worrying about that sort of thing, despite what all the hormones might be telling her. But if she was going to have all that dick on the brain, might as well put it to use.

“Yeah, well, you just… whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever’s right.” Copper continued swapping the utensils around to their correct spots. “And no matter how many daily bukakke fantasies you might have, you’re still gonna have to learn this eventually. Who’s gonna set your dinner table when you’ve got your own family?”

Whistle rolled her eyes. “Uh, he will. Duh.”

“Oh, right. I forgot you wanted a ‘Daisy Chain’ for a husband when you grow up.” Copper curled her lips into a sardonic grin.

Other mares had a Prince Charming waiting to sweep them off their hooves. Whistle had a “Daisy Chain” waiting for her to sweep him off his. And boy, of all the buttons Copper could press, that was the biggest, reddest, and shiniest of them all.

Whistle gave Copper the biggest scowl she’d seen in a good week or so. “Oh yeah? Well it’s better than clit-worshipping my straight best friend behind her back because I don’t have the balls to actually talk to her.”

Oh, that was so off limits. Copper was about to bonk Whistle on the head with one of the many spoons in her aura, but the front door latch clicked, and in sounded a one-filly stampede—Mom and Lily back from the market.

“Hey, Mom,” Copper shouted. She quickly set the rest of the table and returned Whistle’s shit-eating grin with a scowl. The little fucker knew damn well what would have been coming if not for Mom’s timely entrance.

“Hi, hun,” Mom called from the foyer.

“Sissy!” Lily yelled as she flew around the corner. The blur of hyper energy threw a hug around Copper before she had a chance to flinch. A quick hug for Whistle, too, and Lily dashed back into the front hallway to help Mom with whatever they bought.

“Look look look!” Lily bounded back into the dining room with some toy in her mouth. “Look what I got!”

“Oh! It’s a… uh…” Copper slanted her mouth at the ball-and-stick toy thing Lily had. “What is it?”

“I have no idea!” Lily said. She made off with it into the living room to play with it. Whatever it was, she seemed pretty bad at it.

“You bought Lily a toy?” Whistle asked. “Sooo you’re not mad about last week anymore?”

Copper shot her a glare but kept her mouth shut. She knew it was all part of keeping things normal, if a little obtusely.

Normal… since when was anything ever normal? At the same time, though, nothing would ever be normal again.

“Oh, no,” Mom said as she stepped into the room proper. She had a good half-dozen bags of groceries on her back. “I did some thinking, and I gave your sister the talk.”

“You gave Lily the… what?” A wave of goosebumps ran up Copper’s legs.

Mom sputtered and waved a hoof as she went about sorting the groceries along the countertop—carrots, potatoes, celery, and a few different bags of beans. It was soup day.

“Well, I don’t know if it should be called ‘the talk,’ since that’s something a little different, but I did explain to her that what she did was wrong. It’s unnatural.” She drew the word out so flippantly, as if complaining about the weather. “I love my girls, and I know each and every one of them will be just the perfect wives with the perfect grandfoals,” she added, pinching Whistle on the cheek.

“Like you say every day, Mom,” Whistle grumbled, rolling her eyes.

“And I mean it every day, sweetie. Even when you act up.” She added a little “mind yourself” look at Whistle before pulling them both into a hug and flitting off for the stovetop. “Love is what a mother does best,” she sing-songed.

“Now,” she continued. “I have to get dinner ready before your father gets home. Goodness knows, I don’t beat him home very often. Won’t this be a surprise!”

Copper stared at Mom, then Lily rolling around on the living room floor with her stuffed rabbit—the stick-toy thing already forgotten beside the couch—then back to Mom. The tightness in her chest hit her before she could steady herself, and the tingles started along the nape of her neck.

Breathe. Breathe. Smile for the goddamn world and don’t you dare make it look obvious. She can’t know. Don’t let her know don’t let her know don’t let her know.

Copper reached for the countertop to balance herself, but a hoof steadied her by the shoulder.

“Relax,” Whistle whispered. “You know she’s full of shit.”

Copper closed her eyes and focused on Whistle’s touch, made it her anchor that kept her from falling into space. “It doesn’t change how it makes me feel…”

“Then just tell her. Sweet Celestia. She’s Mom. She’ll deal with it.”

“Yeah, she’s Mom…”

Whistle rolled her eyes and dragged Copper toward the living room so she could hiss in her ear. “For fuck’s sake. She’ll find out eventually no matter how hard you try to hide it.”

Copper stared at the floor. “I’d rather she be happy. I’d rather everypony be happy.”

“Well, you’re clearly not.”

“That’s not important…”

Whistle scowled at her. “You’re fucking retarded, you know that?”

She bumped shoulders with Copper to really get her attention. “Look at it this way, Mom’s gonna stay like this unless you do something about it, because I can’t. Do you want Lily to grow up as fucked in the head as you are?”

Copper opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“Exactly,” Whistle said. “I sure as shit don’t, either. Mom likes you better. She’ll listen to you. Seriously. But if you don’t grow some balls and deal with it, then it’s never gonna change.”

Whistle stomped off to the living room. Like the flip of a switch, she was all smiles and romping with Lily.

She really did care. In bouts and spurts and when nopony was looking. She was a better big sister than Copper could ever hope to be.

“Copper,” Mom asked. It startled Copper enough that she almost jumped. “Could you hand me that spoon, please?”

Mom was looking over her shoulder at the stirring spoon on the counter beside Copper. She could have easily magicked it over herself, but Mom was always the type to make chit chat however possible.

“So where do you think Lily got the idea?” Mom asked when Copper trotted over with the spoon.

“The… idea?”

“Yeah, to kiss that… oh, what was her name? Sundae Sprinkles? I mean, she had to get it from somewhere.”

“Oh.” Copper looked back at Whistle and Lily in the living room. “I, I don’t know.”

Copper lowered her gaze to the floor, listening to the sound of Mom’s spoon scraping the bottom of the pan. The stirring stopped.

“You seem… absent, Copper,” Mom said. She wore a little frown, the stirring spoon hovering just over the saucepan. “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm? Nothing, just…”

Mom’s frown got bigger. “Now I know that face, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing, Mom. Just…”

Mom looked between Copper and Whistle. “Does it have to do with Sunset? Is that why she’s not here? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine, Mom. It’s…” The lie hurt coming out far worse than she expected. Copper had to bite her lip to keep from tearing up.

“Oh, honey, did you two get in a fight?” Mom pulled her into her chest. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

Copper sniffled. “Yeah, Mom. I’m fine.”

“Everything will turn out alright,” Mom said, letting her go so she could stir the saucepan. “It’ll be okay. Everything happens for a reason.”

The tears started back up again, and Copper could barely keep herself standing. Everything hurt. She just wanted to curl up on her bed and pretend the world didn’t exist.

Mom set a pot of water on the other burner and set it to high. “Honestly, maybe it was a good thing you two got in a fight. It makes me wonder if maybe Lily got it from Sunset. I mean she had to get it from somewhere, and she’s always been fawning over that mare.”

She salted the water and threw a lid over it to bring it to boil. “And Sunset always seemed so, I don’t know, keen on hanging out with you.”

Every word out of Mom’s mouth sent another squirming sensation through Copper’s heart. Her chest tightened up, and she could have sworn she stopped breathing for a moment.

“Mom, about that…” Copper straightened her shoulders and willed herself to look Mom in the eye.

“Hmm?” Mom turned back toward her, and she looked so… happy.

Copper sucked in a deep breath. “I… I, I… Never mind.”

She looked away and rubbed her leg. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t take that happiness away from Mom. Telling her would only make things worse.

“You fucking pussy.” Whistle stood in the living room doorway. She stomped up and got in Copper’s face.

“You watch your language, young lady,” Mom said.

“Shut the hell up, Mom,” Whistle said without looking away from Copper. “And you, fucking grow a pair already.”

“Whistle, please…” Copper said. The spinning, slipping, barely-keeping-it-together feeling came back, and she didn’t know if she could hold it in this time.

“No,” Whistle said. “I’m tired of this bullshit. I’m tired of the way it hurts you, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to let this happen to Lily, too. Just fucking tell her.”

Lily poked her head out from behind Whistle’s legs, ears flat back. She looked scared and confused.

“Let what happen to Lily?” Mom took an instinctive step toward Lily, but Whistle beat her to the punch, stepping between them.

“You,” Whistle snapped at her. “You and everything about this stupid charade everypony’s been playing. It was bad enough when it was just Copper.”

“Excuse you.” Mom had the sauce spoon out and pointed at Whistle. “I will not be spoken to like this, Whistle Wind. Now you are going to tell me what in Equestria is going on.”

To Whistle’s credit, she didn’t so much as flinch. In fact, she leaned forward, as if daring Mom to hit her.

“Whistle,” Copper whispered. “Don’t do this.”

“No. You need to grow up, and she needs to get over herself.”

The tears pushed through. “If Dad were here he—”

“Dad’s a spineless coward!” Whistle stomped hard enough to jiggle the china plates displayed along the top cupboards. “You know he won’t do jack shit. He never has, and he never will.”

“That is enough!” Mom shouted.

“I’m not talking to you!” Whistle yelled.

“Stop yelling!” Copper screamed over them both. She broke down crying. There was no point in hiding it anymore.

Lily cowered in the far corner, tears in her eyes.

“Please,” Copper choked out. “Just stop. I don’t want any of this. I just want everypony to be happy…”

“Yeah?” Whistle spat. “Well, ‘everypony’ includes you, so how fucking happy are you?”

Copper shook her head and gave a defeated laugh. “You shut up,” she whispered.

Whistle got in Copper’s face. “No, I’m not going to shut up. For fuck’s sake, I’m done defending you from yourself. If you want me to shut up, you’ll have to sit on my face, you fucking homo.”

Copper reacted without thinking. It was the same reaction that came to mind anytime somepony mumbled a homophobic slur in earshot, anytime she saw somepony side-eye their neighbors at the market. It wasn’t until she felt the sting in her pastern that her brain caught up with the moment.

“Whistle!” Mom shouted, moving to Whistle’s side like lightning.

Whistle lay sideways on the floor. She had propped herself up with one hoof and the other at her cheek, where blood beaded along a curved, inch-long cut. Her slouchie lay on the floor beside her, and her mane was a mess of hat hair and static.

She looked up at Copper, not in anger but surprise, and if the way she pinned her ears back was any indication, in shame. “Copper, I, I didn’t mean…” was all she could get out.

Copper stared back at her, struggling for air, trying to make sense of what just happened. Her eyes tracked to the cut on Whistle’s cheek, then to the surprise on Whistle’s face, then to her own hoof, unmistakably hers yet so alien. There was a chip in her hoof that wasn’t there earlier. She stumbled backward into a cabinet.

She hit Whistle. She hit Whistle. That… that really happened. She had gathered all her self-loathing and frustration for what should never have been and took it out on the one pony who understood, the only pony in the world who truly knew and cared despite it all.

She felt sick. She couldn’t breathe and the walls were closing in and everypony was staring at her and—

Everypony but Mom.

She tended to Whistle’s cheek with a washcloth from the sink and nothing more. Not a twitch, not a flutter, not a word.

“Yeah, Mom,” Copper said before the shame tore her to pieces. “I’m gay, alright?” Her words came out trembling, like a newborn foal taking its first steps. Her throat closed up on her, and the tears started fresh. “I have been for as long as I can remember. And I’m the one in love with Sunset, not the other way around. You wanted to know where Lily got it from? Well now you do…”

She fell to her haunches and let the tears pitter-patter on the floor. Nothing mattered anymore.

“I wish I was normal,” Copper said. “I wish I could be the little filly you always thought I was, and make you so unbelievably happy, and have all the little grandfoals you could fit in your hooves.”

Copper shook her head and sniffled. “But that’s not me. I can’t help the lovesick mess that I am, or who I’m in love with. But I’ll always be me. I’ll always be your Coppertone.”

She sucked in another trembling breath and tried biting back the tears, ready for whatever tirade Mom might hurl at her. But for an unbearable span, nopony said anything, least of all Mom. It was quiet enough to hear Lily whimpering in the corner.

“Mom…?” Copper said.

Nothing. Mom still silently tended to Whistle’s cheek and nothing more.

“Mom, don’t be like this. Just say something. Please…”

She couldn’t stand the quiet. She would rather have Mom clawing at her throat, foaming at the mouth, kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs in a blind rage that how dare she hit Whistle or be a bad influence on Lily or anything—anything—but this calm indifference.

But when Mom finally spoke, Copper realized she preferred the silence.

“You’re not lying to me.” Her voice was terrifyingly level. She refused to look Copper in the eye as she sent the cloth back to the sink for another rinse. “Are you?”

“N-no… I-I’m not.”

Mom rinsed and wrung out the towel again before bringing it back. She continued dabbing away the blood still beading along Whistle’s cut.

“Then get out of my house,” she said quietly. “You’re not welcome here.”

Copper’s breath caught in her throat, and a numbness trickled like rainwater from her withers to the tips of her hooves. Mom didn’t just say that. She… she couldn’t have said that.

But Copper knew that face, that unmistakable apathy in Mom’s eyes. It was the same look Mom wore whenever she saw their neighbors next door or the many gay couples in the marketplace. It was… She…

Copper ran.

“Copper!” Whistle cried out, but Copper didn’t look back.

She shouldered open the screen door, practically ripping it off its hinges, and leapt off the porch. A searing pain shot up her ankle when she landed funny, but she didn’t let it slow her down, not for a second.

Tears streaked her face, and the image of Mom’s disappointment followed hot on her heels. She could hardly see through the tears, but she knew the city well enough to find the train station.

She booked a ride on the next train out, to anywhere but home.