I’m not sure why Murphy decided to fuck me in the ass. But he did big time! Now you’re all probably thinking I’m exaggerating, but let me explain to you what my life was like before shit went five different ways sideways.

My name was, and still is Noah. I’m a nerd of pretty much every conceivable form of media. Other then that I was pretty average in terms of looks and there wasn’t much outstanding about me, but hey I couldn’t really complain things were great all things considered. I had been seeing this really cool girl for a few weeks. My brother was on leave from the military and hadn't come back in a bodybag, which is always a plus. I had some good friends. Shit was looking good!

But nooo! Murphy’s law just had to say. You know what fuck this guy! And that’s exactly what he did. Now I was going to see my friend Andre… Now you could say Andre lived in a ‘less than reputable part of town’ and by that I mean full on hood. We’re talking gangbangers sitting on apartment steps, type of hood.

I made two fatal mistakes that day. One was stopping completely at a red light instead of running it. Mistake number DOS was having a nice car in said hood.

I was stopped at the red light looking up at it waiting for it to change. When all of a sudden I heard some tapping on the glass. I didn’t even need to look over to know my ass was being Uncle Benned. Sure enough there with a gun pressed up against my window was some motherfucker looking like he just stepped outta the Boondocks. I mean I’m talking sideways grip on the gun, chains, wife beater t-shirt, bandana, and probably pants so low he might as well not wear them at all. Couldn’t be more stereotypical if he tried.

Now I’m gonna be honest I’ve never had particularly strong survival. This can be attested to the fact I got into a lot of fights in school when I was younger. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that near non-existent survival instincts, plus anger issues, plus a sarcastic personality equals a whole lot of dumbass in a whole lot of bad situations.

This was made clear by my next actions. I calmly rolled down the window and said. “Good afternoon sir can I help you?” I said sprouting the biggest shit eating grin I could muster.

This seemed to piss off said street clown as his forehead decided it was time to start flexing, and bulging veins like a bodybuilder when a hot girl walks by. “You think I’m playing! Get outta the fucking car right now! Or I’m gonna put a bullet between your eyes!”

As soon as he said that the few parts of my brain devoted to keeping me alive took the reigns from the ones devoted to making me a sarcastic jackass. “Woah man calm down man.” I said my shit eating grin dissolving into a nervous one. With a nervous chuckle I got out of the car and walked a few feet away from it.

Things would have probably turned alright, were it not for the facts I can’t keep my damn mouth shut, and because this dudes pants were so low he waddled to the car like a penguin. I probably would have been fine otherwise. But I just couldn’t help myself. Under my breath I muttered “Man. With a waddle like that you must be related to Mumble from happy feet!”

Suffice to say it took him a few moments to process he had just been insulted. But boy when he did, he was on me in seconds. “Just couldn’t keep your mouth shut could you!” He said slamming me up against a wall. Not particularly no. Pressing his gun against my head.

“Woah, Woah!” I shouted holding my hands up trying to placate him. As I ironically sweated bullets. “Come on it was just a joke man no need for all this, I mean do you really want to risk the trouble. Just so you can kill me?” I said in hopes I could stop him.

He looked angrily at me. Honestly I thought I saw a little foam at the corners of his mouth. As quickly as it came the rage seemed to leave him, leaving a disturbingly friendly smile. “You know what! Your right you ain't worth it!” He shouted pushing me down and hopping into my car.

It tires let out a screech, leaving nothing but smoke and the smell of burnt rubber. I jerked myself off the ground before dusting myself off. I reach in and grabbed what I still had in my pockets. “Let’s see house keys, phone, wall…” I got off before remembering where I was and shutting up. “NOPE! DAMN HE TOOK EVERYTHING!” I shouted into the darkness.

I began making my way down the sidewalk. I only made it a few steps before I heard my car tires screech, again. Quickly looking back I saw it had turned around and was blazing down the road in my direction. “Shit!” I tried to make a run for it, but the car caught up effortlessly. I hurt two shots, and felt some piercing thumps in my back.

My run slowed to a jog, then a slow walk, as I lifted a hand to my chest. I felt something hot and runny on my hands. Slowly I pulled my hands up and confirmed it was in fact my blood. I staggered forward a couple steps, still looking on in disbelief. “Mo-moth-motherfucker actually shot me.” I said before falling limply forward.

Darkness consumed my vision, but not before a pair of boots stepped into vision. “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven't you?”

Dying didn't last long though because after a few moments of pure darkness light started to return. Is this heaven no, no I’m definitely not ending up there of all places. Which to still left the question of where I was, but I definitely was narrowing it down.

Soon enough the light started to turn into shapes and different shades of color. Shades of only red mind you, but color nonetheless! I seemed to be in some sort of glass tube filled filled with some red liquid. I could make out the sound of someone talking. Oh my god! I’ve been abducted! But in all seriousness what I saw when I ‘turned’ around would have floored me… That is if I could be floored. It was a motherfucking pony!

I don’t mean let your sister ride at the fair type ponies. I mean MLP gouge your eyes out vibrant colors, soft, puppy eyed ponies. This really should have scared me, or at the least been off putting to me; and it was but not much more then ‘oh no what’s going on!’ for some reason.

Anything they said was muted behind the glass so I couldn’t make any of it out. I could see however that there were two. A pink unicorn with a golden mane was levitating me along beside her in a golden aura. The second one was a brown earth pony with a messy gray mane. I would have told you what their cutie marks were, but they were wearing generic lab coats so I couldn’t see them.

Oh there was also one other fact! THEY WERE FUCKING HUGE! They were as big as skyscrapers. Or at least I thought for a whole of five seconds. Because I finally got a good look at my ‘body’. I looked like a mass of black thrashing tendrils in the shape of a ball; floating in the middle of glass test tube filled with some funky red liquid.

I couldn’t make out much of where I was other then the fact the walls were made of thick concrete painted a snow white, and there were caged lights embedded in the ceiling every several feet. There was however two words that I keep seeing repeated in bold red letters, Genesis Foundation.

Sadly these assholes refused me the opportunity to take this all in. Cause next thing I know we’re in a large octagon shaped room full of blinding as fuck lights. I notice that off to the left is an observation deck about twenty feet off the ground, but oh no that isn't what drew my attention. Right smack at the back of the room is a large circular piece of metal inside of it being held at a slant was what looked like a human skeleton with some stringy muscle fibers here and there, along with the occasional piece of piping. In all honesty it reminded me where they made the synths from fallout 4, or westworld.

The Unicorn jammed my tube into a slot next to the machine that connected via a series of tubes. Oh no spider senses tingling. A blast of air pressure was sent out as my tube was slotted in. Now I know it shouldn’t work that way but for some reason I could hear better now.

“Golden Genes, Frayed Ends we are about to begin the test vacate the area, and join us on the observation deck.” Came the monotone voice of a mare over a speaker in the corner of the room. Oh I don’t like the sound of that.

‘Golden Genes, and Frayed Ends’ hauled ass like employees taking cover on black Friday. After a few minutes of fuck all an emotionless mare’s voice came over the speaker. “Recording start… Beginning Blacklight bio-weapon test seven. Initiating attempt of binding Blacklight compound to synthetic body begin.”

You guys know how in sci-fi movies and they activate their warp drives or whatever; how their bodies stretch and defy the laws of physics. That’s what it was like as I was shot through the series of tubes to the body. Was like being thrown into those machines that are constantly twisting, and pulling taffy. Not a pleasant experience whatsoever. I’m incredibly thankful I don’t have nerves to feel pain right now, or this would hurt like a bitch!

A few seconds later I was spit out onto the body with little to no care, frankly it was all a little insulting. But oh boy after a moment I began to spread and consume the body, I was like a fat kid in a candy shop. You know as in I couldn’t control myself, literally, my body was on autopilot with this whole thing. I was learning everything about the cells, and how to replicate them on an instinctual level. It was incredible, it was awe inspiring, it was a power rush! I was doubling in size by the second, and taking on a human form. After a whole minute I was complete. I was ‘human’ again! Naked but human! Then I felt a rumbling deep in my stomach as I dropped out of the machine onto the ground. Fuck, did they make this thing with taco bell!

That wasn’t what it was at all though. I suddenly felt everything pull away from me as I exploded outward as a mass of black tendrils, that had an orange glow to some parts. I could hear the sound of the walls and ceiling cracking as they tried to pull everything back to the center. I reformed at the center of the explosion a second later, and walked forward before falling to the ground gasping for breath, and sweating. Yesh what are these scientist feeding me? After I reformed the reddish orange glow from the tendrils went out as they ‘died’.

There was static from the speaker, which had miraculously survived, for a moment before the voice from before cut in. “Hmmm, interesting. Bonding appears to have been successful though with an aggressive side effect. Subject appears to already conscious…” I could hear a slight humming as. “Release knockout gas.” What surprised me most was despite the fact that my little outburst had almost pierced and ripped the observation deck apart the voice was just as calm as before. If that was me up there I would have been panicking like someone set my dick on fire.

Wait hold on… did she say knockout gas? As if on cue a green gas began rising up out of small drains I had missed before. I tried to fight it and stay awake, but the sandman’s got a mean right hook. The last thing I saw as my vision darkened was three sets of hooves in some sort of white body armor. Oh… fuck you… Murphy.

I came around… well I don’t really fucking know, but it felt like a few hours. I awoke groggily, I noticed four things. One I was wearing what seemed to be a custom muzzle. Two was that I was strapped to metal table. Third was that I was now wearing jeans and a black tight muscle shirt. FOUR WAS THE FUCKING MASSIVE BLOODY SAW ABOVE ME! Obviously my first response was to freak the fuck out and struggle against my bonds. My captors noticed this, and by captors I mean three ponies in white hazmat suits. One tightened my straps, and another took out what looked like an old tape recorder.

“Begin recording, first analysis of Blacklight subject. Codename...” The pony apparently a stallion on my left paused while thinking of a name. “Agis. While we were expecting a Minotaur like appearance, subject seems more like a mix between a diamond dog and an ape. Has shown incredible regenerative abilities along with an incredible resilience to poisons, and toxins. Subject may be unstable however, view reference for binding explosion. Will begin testing combat capabilities.” With a click he stopped the recording and teleported the device away. Combat testing? Why do I get the feeling that I’m not going to like that. The hazmat ponies left, and in entered three ponies in what looked like white plastic armor. The middle was a unicorn with earth ponies flanking him. He had one of those sticks animal control put around the necks of dangerous animals. The metal slab released me, and slid into the floor so fast that’s where I was left on my ass. The unicorn wrapped his stick around my neck and began trying to drag me out, of course I did what anyone would do, I dug my feet in and resisted. They apparently did not appreciate my efforts as I promptly received a powerful shock. I tried to scream but with the muzzle it just came out sounding like sensual grunting.

With no other choice I begrudgingly followed them down the hallway. It started off like the hall I was in when I first woke up, but it quickly got worse… much worse.

The stark white began to fade in favor of the concrete’s natural dull gray color. Drains were now constantly present up against the bases of the walls. The doors looked like something you’d see in solitary confinement. Inside of the ones left open I’d see things like the massive saw In my cell earlier. We past one of the intersections that lead off to another hall, from it I heard a blood-curdling scream that seemed to turn my veins to ice. Well at least I don’t have to worry about deciding to give this place five stars. I joked trying and failing to shake the growing sense of dread I had.

We soon stopped at what looked like a dead end before it opened up into another octagon shaped room, though this one was admittedly much larger. Before I had time to process what was happening the muzzle was torn off of me and I was thrown into the room, the door sliding back into place making appear like another wall. Well that’s some five star service. I thought brushing myself off.

That same damn static click played for a few seconds, which at this point I was getting tired of hearing. “Subject we are releasing a creature into the area, destroy it by whatever means necessary. Begin Blacklight subject Agis combat test #1.”

I heard the grinding of gears as the room shook from the vibrations. On the far side of the room a hole opened up in the floor. What I assumed to be a heavily mutated Minotaur crawled out. It’s left arm was fairly normal, but the right arm was massive, muscle and bone broke the skin while it had to lean on it like a third leg just to keep from tipping over. It looked around for the first few seconds as if lost in a haze, but the moment it laid its eyes on me the haze lifted from its eyes. It let loose a roar that shook the entire room. It’s massive weight shifted and it charged right towards me.

“Ah shit!” I shouted barreling out of the way. I might have regretted doing that because it fucked up my shoulder, however any regret I did have evaporated when it slammed into the wall. The entire room shook from the impact and cracks shot out in web pattern.

“Nope, nope, no thank you.” I said while trying to scoot back as fast as possible. When I stood it brought its mutated arm down where I was seconds ago with speed I didn’t expect from something so disfigured.

On instinct I punched the arm. To my great surprise it actually budged! I took a step back as it swayed to the side lazily. A small smirk started to overtake my face. That’s right I’m a prototype now or something. I can beat this thing!

Any other thoughts were put on hold though as the wall had a meeting with my face, after it knocked me to the side. “Uuugh.” I peeled myself off the wall. I needed to finish this before it got out of hand.

I ran back at it and slammed into its stomach trying to tackle it. In hindsight I should have realized that wasn’t a smart idea, because other then it stumbling back a few steps it did jackshit. But it was put more into this or die! I put everything I had into wrapping my arms around him, and tried to lift him up. Come on dammit work you stupid weird new body do something! My arms began to explode into black tendrils before reforming back into muscular arms with a skeletal like structure.

The tables began to turn. The massive disfigured Minotaur which I’d been struggling to even tickle was now being lifted above my head. It seemed to go even wilder now. Thrashing and shouting at the top of its lungs. Stop your fucking thrashing! My fingers slowly dug into the sides of the Minotaur. I began to pull my arms back down. I felt my arms struggle against its strength and toughness of its steel-like hide. But in moments its body gave. I felt muscle tear then skin, and bone. The more it gave the weaker it got, Until finally it reached it limit and its body tore clean in half.

The pieces flew in separate directions. My body had others plans though as two tendrils, without my consent, flew out and pulled them back to me. The flesh was pulled into me and digested cell by cell. I got a headache as I guess I tried to absorb its knowledge, but it had a ton of tumors in its brain making everything useless.

“Test finished. Results successful. Sending in personnel for retrieval.” Droned a speaker before more gas filled the room. Ah, fuck. I thought as I passed out.

I woke back up in another spartan cell. I tried to move my arms and legs, but all that did was cause a rattle. I was firmly attached to a tilted steel table. The door was solid metal as well and the only opening was several bars far too low to be eye level for me, but perfect for ponies.

I struggled against my restraints in vain for several minutes before they released a glowing energy that slammed me back. One thing was for sure as a another scream ripped through the hall. I have to fucking get out of here.

Author's Note

Hooray for new fics! Now I am severely underwhelmed by the amount of prototype fics. So i decided to help remedy this. The writing style is going to be very "There is a point where we needed to stop and we have clearly passed it. But lets keep going and see what happens!" So with that out of the way welcome to the fic! and may you never leave.

If no one likes the jokes or feels the time they're made is bad let me know and I'll try to improve, or remove them. Remember there's dark themes but this is also tagged comedy and random.