Trolls don't do social gatherings
"Oh tank God, da Spirits or whoever be listenin,'" Kali'fon Blazeweaver groaned as she leaned onto the stone railing of the balcony she found herself on. "Ah don't tink I could stand much more a dat." She sighed as she slid herself down to sit on the railing. she raised a hand and rubbed her eyes, before shooting a glare back towards the lights and sounds of the "Gala" she just managed to escape from. "Seriously, is dis how ya treat envoys from other races? Stare, gawk and talk about me behind mah back? I have really good hearing ya mudda fuckas!" She attempted to give the direction of the Gala the finger. But only ended up staring at her hand for a minute. "How can a lady properly flip someone off wit only tree fingers?"
She dropped her head, closed her eyes, took took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. She raised her head and opened her eyes to see the night sky lit up with countless stars. The moon shone down bright as ever, illuminating her whites stone hideaway. Looking back down, she glared at the hedge archway that she'd walked under to get here. Beyond was a statue garden. Beyond that, the hated Gala. She snorted. "'I got a ticket just for you! Come with us Kali'fon.' It'll be fun Kali'fon.' 'It's a party Kali'fon.'" Kali'fon's words dripped sarcasm as she scowled towards the Gala. "Dis is why I live alone!" She waved a hand angrily at the archway.
She noticed, almost impossible to miss, the fact that her hands were smoking and small flames flickered at the tips of her fingers. Clenching her fist tightly, the flames died with a hiss. She slowly dropped her shaking arm, letting out a slow breath as she did so. "Alright, calm down." She told herself. "Relax. No need ta burn down da castle just because da noble ponies are assholes." Shaking her head, she turned around and propped herself up against the railing. Looking down showed her the bright city lights of Canterlot. It's nightlife was in as full a swing as the Gala was. A small smile graced her lips. Looking back up at the night sky, she her eyes were drawn towards the moon. The smile she had gained, died in the flames of her reignited anger. She thrust a finger at the moon. "And where da fuck where you!?"
Prince Blueblood took slow, plodding steps through the statue garden. His legs hurt and he was panting for breath. He had just managed to escape the latest mare trying to climb the social ladder. Rarity, if he remembered correctly. She was one of the Elements of Harmony, and she was quite beautiful. Yet like the many before her, she seemed to be infatuated with his looks, his influence and his money. She never seemed to take the hint that he wasn't interested. Even when he politely told her to her face.
Thus he had to make a break for it. He'd weaved through more social cliches than he could count, and had to make a circuit around the castle before he finally lost her. Which lead him here to the gardens. He liked it here. It was peaceful here. He could finally relax.
A mare's voice made him freeze in his tracks. "Relax Kali'fon. Chill. And stop fuckin talkin' ta yerself! Mnnnnn... Need music."
Blueblood vaguely recognised the accent. It reminded him of some ponies he'd met from the south when he was younger. Getting his heart under control, he slowed his steps and slowly crept towards the voice, it seemed to be coming from beyond the hedge.
"Displaced wit a Cellphone." He heard the voice chuckle. "I'd read da shit outta dat manga. Wait... I tink der was one.... Some knock off of Konosuba. Meh. Music."
Blueblood's ears twitched as music began to fill the air. slowly, he peered around an arching gap in the hedge, which led onto the balcony. The view of the moon and stars was stunning, yet that isn't what caught his attention.
His jaw dropped.
In the middle of the balcony, illuminated by the moon, was someone.... Whatever, whoever she was, he didn't care. She was dancing. She was a biped, similar to a minotaur. Yet, opposed to the almost gratuitous amount of muscle that minotaurs had, her body was lean. She was also tall, much taller than himself, or possibly his aunt even. Her pale gray, almost blue gray skin seemed glow with the light of the moon. She wore a white sleeveless dress, fingerless white lace gloves that went up to her elbows, and a gray belt around her waist.. A simple thing, yet it seemed to fit her perfectly. He noted what looked like charcoal scales covering her shoulders, the backs of her hands, and the sides of her forehead. interestingly enough, her hands had only three fingers. Her feet actually we similar, with two toes in the front and a single toe coming out of the heel. Around her neck, sparkled a golden torc. The two tusks protruding out of either side of her mouth did little to mar the happy, relaxed smile. Her eyes were closed, yet he swore he saw a hint of glowing teal beneath the lids. He hair was white as snow, and was styled into a mohawk that went right down the center of her head. the head on either side of the mohawk had been braided and came together in one large braid on the back of her head.
Blueblood was entranced. The movements of her dance flowed with the music. The music itself sounded much like what was popular amongst the club scene as it were. He'd never seen a dance like this.
Too soon, it felt, the music ended. The female sighed as her dance ended. She opened her eyes. Blueblood froze as the teal orbs locked onto him.
Kali'fon froze and glared down at the unicorn stallion staring at her in almost awe as he stood in the archway. He was white, with a blond mane and tail and blue eyes. He was wearing a nice black suit coat. A blue compass rose adorned his flanks. He was handsome for a stallion.
Kali'fon's brain caught up finally. "What da fuck!?" She snapped as she leapt back. The stallion's eyes widened and jumped back himself into the hedge behind him. "What da fuck do ya tink yer doin, starin at me like dat you ponification of white privilege!"
"I'm sorry!" The stallion almost yelled. "I didn't mean to surprise you! Please don't burn me!"
Blinking, Kali'fon noticed her hands were on fire. Closing her eyes with a groan, she cut off the flames with half a thought. Taking a slow breath in, she opened her eyes. Relaxing her posture, she looked back the the still wide-eyed stallion. "Calm down, I'm not gonna hurt ya. It's like ya never seen a pyromancer before."
"I've never seen anything like you before to be honest." The stallion said somewhat stupidly. His eyes were wide and there was a light yet noticeable blush on his cheeks. "That is, I have never seen a Combat Mage in the flesh before either. The Order of Magi was disbanded a few decades before I was born."
Kali'fon blinked at the stallion in confusion. "Right.... and who are ya supposed ta be?"
"O-oh." The stallion stuttered briefly. "Apologies. My name is Blueblood." Blueblood gaved a polite blow.
Blueblood lifted his gaze back to the wondrous creature before him. She had a thoughtful look on her face. "Blueblood... Blueblood.... Oh! Yer da one dat Rarity was goin on about!" Her exclamation, as well as the snap of her fingers caused Blueblood to jump.
Blueblood shuddered. "Yes... The lady Rarity..... We've... met."
"Lemme guess, she came on too strong?" Blueblood's tall companion said with a small, sly grin.
"You could say that, yes." Blueblood said with a small chuckle. Then realisation dawned as surprise grew on his face. He stood up straight with a serious expression. "My lady I apologise, in the surprise that was our meeting, I haven't even gotten your name."
"Ha! I'm no lady, but ya can call me Kali'fon. Kali'fon Blazeweaver." Kali'fon said with a grin.
"Kali'fon... It's a pleasure." Blueblood smiled and raised his hoof. Kali'fon has to bend ever so slightly to grasp and shake it.
"Da pleasure's all mine. It's nice ta see at least one of da nobles can properly hold that title." Kali'fon rose to her full height again and put her hands on her hips.
"You honor me." Blueblood said with a more evident blush.
"So," Kali'fon turned and walked back towards the railing. She picked up something that was sitting on the aforementioned railing and put in in a small brown bag, She then attached the bag to her belt by a string. She turned back around and leaned on the railing. "What are ya doing out here when the party supposedly is in there?" She pointed back towards the castle.
"I could ask you the same thing." Blueblood said, trotting over to stand next to her.
"Ah! I asked ya first!" Kali'fon grinned toothilly. "Spill."
Blueblood took a breath then sighed heavily. "I'm.. escaping." He sat back on his haunches. "I'm required to be there, it's a part of being nobility. Though Mother and Father do push me to go. I'm an eligible bachelor and they simply want me to continue the family line. Though ties with other families certainly do help." He massaged a temple with a hoof. "I.... just got tired." He sighed again. "I'm tired of the pointless, meaningless conversation. There's none of the intrigue you'd expect from political intrigue novels. Simply boring, light conversation. I'm tired of all the mares hungry for a life of luxury. I know that sounds horrible, yet I've yet to meet a mare who wasn't out for wealth or power. I expected better of Rarity, from what I'd heard from my aunt. Yet she acted just like the rest. So convinced that I was the one to fulfil their dream of happiness with Prince Charming." He looked up at Kalifon with a small smile. "I'd count you as an outlier among mares, but... you're not exactly a mare."
"And proud of it!" Kali'fon nodded. "Seems only da few eart ponies I met understood what roughin it actually means. Dough it seems even Applejack fell for da dream dat was da Gala." She shrugged.
"I noticed." Blueblood nodded. "Her food was delicious, though I don't believe that she is going to make any money here, what with the Gala being catered." He shook his head then looked back up to Kali'fon. "What of you? What brought you here? You don't sound all that happy to be here, to be honest."
Kali'fon frowned. "In a manna of speakin, I got dragged here. Da girls are nice, dey really are. But.... I'm not dat social. I don't really like socializing. It's why I live in a forest."
"You seem to be talking to me just fine." Blueblood could help but point out.
"Because da ice has already been broken. I feel comfortable." Kali'fon shrugged.
"Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that the ice was melted?" Blueblood asked with a raised brow.
"A ha!" Kali'fon stabbed a finger in Blueblood's direction with a laugh. "True!" Her grin quickly faded however, her expression souring. "Dis place is no place for a troll. I thought I was prepared for how I'd be treated. I mean, Ponyville was bad for da first few months I was here. A course, dey had to have me come into town and da mayor had ta put me on stage to show dat I wasn't a threat. But dis? Dis is someting else..." She took a slow, shuddering breathe in.
"Oh you don't have to tell me that the nobility is cruel. I know that first hoof." Blueblood nodded with a frown. "You have my condolences however. Nobody should be treated like that, regardless of how they look."
"Tank you." Kali'fon smiled weakly with a small sniffle. She took a deep breath. "Hey, you wanna get outta here?"
Blueblood blinked. "Aren't we already out as it were?"
"I mean like really out. I need a drink and I tink you do too. At least someting better dan dat piss water dat was being served inside." Kali'fon pushed herself away from the railing and turned to face Blueblood.
"I'll never drink champagne again." Blueblood said with a shudder. He shook himself. "What do you have in mind?"
"I'm tinkin someting like spiked coffee and donuts." Kali'fon's smile returned. "I actually saw a place as we passed by, remember Twilight mentioning it."
"That sounds amazing actually." Blueblood said, blushing a bit as his stomach rumbled.
"Well den.." Kali'fon stretched out a hand and a blue orb of light sprang forth. Blue white light filled her eyes as a spiralling runic circle of blue light erupted around her feet as tendrils of light ran from the orb to the rune circle on the ground. "Step in." She said.
"Is it safe?" Blueblood said, more than a little hesitant.
"It's only a Mass Teleport. You'll be fine." Kali'fon encouraged.
"Prince Blueblood?" A feminine voice calling from somewhere in the gardens made the white stallion somehow even more pale.
He leapt into the circle. "Go go go!" He half-whinnied in panic.
With a flash of light and a puff of smoke. They both disappeared in a flash.
"No no, I have a good reason for wanting to do all my work online." Kali'fon pointed at Blueblood over her coffee and plates of donuts. She sat in a bright red booth across from Blueblood. Said stallion had removed his suit coat. He wouldn't want to damage such a fine coat after all.
"Oh really, and why is that?" Blueblood asked with a raised brow and he levitated his coffee cup to his lips with a bright blue aura.
"Okay, so I went to an interview right? And da boss man told me, ya know we've had a lot of secretaries leave recently. And I said, oh because they sucked? And I shit you not, his response was, no because they didn't." Kali'fon managed to get out through giggles.
Blueblood's eyes snapped open. Simultaneously he choked, spat coffee onto the table, and shattered his mug as he tried to laugh through coffee drowned lungs. "Wh- *cough* Wha- *choke* What?! Are you- What?!"
"Dat seriously happened." Kali'fon nodded, still giggling as she began to wipe down the table with a cluster of napkins.
Blueblood took a few steady breaths after sufficiently removing the coffee from his airwaves. "Faust, that burns." He shook himself. "That is just... unprofessional!"
"Well yeah." Kali'fon pushed the napkins off to the side. "Needless to say I didn't start a job dere." She gestured at the brown stallion behind the counter. "Joe, can we get some more napkins and anotha coffee for my friend here."
"Sure thing." The stallion said with a smile.
There came a gingling of the bell above the doorway out.
"Oh that was horrid!" A mare's voice made both Blueblood and Kali'fon freeze.
"Shit." Kali'fon swore. "Blue, don't turn around."
Blueblood gave the barest of nods.
"Prince Blueblood!" The voice cried happily.
Blueblood gave Kali'fon a pleading look as she facepalmed.
"And tonight was going so well..."
Author's Note
After weeks I finally have this out of my brain and into text. I hope people like it.
