War: The Equestrian Front

by LunaFan183

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Drama, Original Character, Profanity, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 14463

What's going to happen? what's the stranded solder going to do? And what about in Canterlot with another human there to, and Discord running around? let's follow there stories!

What could happen to a human stranded in Equestria? And sightings of another in the capital city, Canterlot. While Discord may have his own agenda.

Let's follow their story.

Published 2018-02-14 00:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-08 23:46:04 UTC

Chapter 1

Fluttershy's massive, bright-blue eyes were about to pop out of her skull. It's impossible, she thought, no creature like that exists, not even in the Everfree Forest!

And yet, there it was. Two legs, dressed in some sort of pants colored to blend in with the rest of the forest, tucked beneath the body. Two arms sprouted from an elongated torso, also clad in the strangely-colored cloth. A head, covered in some hard, black, outer shell, topped it all off. Beyond that, she couldn't see much. It was all wrapped in some green cloth and rope, twisted around the creature's body. It was bipedal, she could see that much, but with that casing on its head, how did it talk? Or eat? Or hear?

It stirred with a mild grunt, and she jumped back with a slight "Eep!" But the creature settled again, one of its hands subconsciously gripping the grass by its side and pulling. It's strong, she realized as she watched it pull, stronger than me, maybe even stronger than Applejack! This was too much. Something that ridiculously strong had to be dangerous. She had to leave, maybe find Rainbow Dash; surely she would know what to…

The creature stirredwith a low moan, and she jumped back again. But this time, the moan was different. It seemed…pained. Yes, that was the word, pained. Something had happened to the creature: it wasn't just sleeping, it was hurt! She bit her lip in fear. She should just turn around. She had no idea what this creature was capable of, no idea what it would do when it woke up.

But…

"But I am the element of kindness," she said, quivering. It was her job to care for any creature, no matter the danger, no matter the risk, come rain or shine. Just because she didn't know a certain creature didn't make her duty any less important.
With a scared little whistle, she summoned the birds and furry things of the forest. Most took one look at the thing and ran off, but some stayed behind and picked up parts of the cloth it was tangled in, managing to create a sort of makeshift stretcher to carry it in. "C'mon little ones!" She said, trying to sound sure of herself and failing, "We have another…widdle…fuzzy…kins who needs our help!"

Shooting unsure glances over their shoulders, the animals of the forest obliged, beginning the long journey back to Fluttershy's cottage with their strange cargo.

Captain Vance had seen a lot of things during his time with the United States Marine Corps, most of them terrible, some good. The little Afghani girl with the chunk of shrapnel in her shoulder, crying for her mother as she bled to death on a stretcher in a MASH unit would fall in the former category (and, in fact, kept him up most nights), whereas the sun setting over the Himalayan mountains that next week would definitely wind up in the latter. Vance had seen the towering spires of Baghdad, the rolling dunes of the Somali desert, and one time on vacation, he even saw the view from the top of the Empire State Building. By the time he turned forty, his fifteenth year in the Corps, he just about figured he had seen all there was available for a man to see on Earth.

And then he met the man with the slicked-back hair, leather jacket, and impossibly ancient eyes. Since then, things had gotten weird.

Now, he had seen the twin suns of Beta Taurus rising over the methane gas plains of the planet KXY-7, two-hundred thousand light years from Earth. He had seen the Pict'lan people of Earth 904, who, lacking properly formed vocal chords in their meter-long necks, communicated entirely with hand motions and body language. He had fought dozens of exotic enemies from other worlds and other Earths and Earths that should not be but still were. He had seen the sun swallow the Earth whole while sitting from the comfort of a balcony on a luxury yacht in the Sea of Tranquility on the moon (now an actual sea, thanks to terraforming) courtesy of the man in the leather jacket. He had met versions of himself with dog ears and twenty toes, or who grew up in a household where his old man didn't have that heart attack and keel over on the assembly line when he was fourteen, and even gotten closure with an ex-wife who died not four months ago with one last walk along the beaches of Oahu-19.

And still, despite this, despite all he had seen, hands down the weirdest thing he'd ever seen had to be the flock of cartoon-sparrows decorating the massive, pink tree in the center of his base.

"It's real pretty, isn't it, sir?" The private next to him asked, looking up from cleaning his M4 Carbine.

"Oh God, he's dropped me off in a little girl's head," Vance grumbled, ignoring the private and rubbing his temples.

"Close, but no cigar, Cap'm." A familiar voice said in its usual, joking tone.

Ignoring his nerves, Vance whirled around and screamed: "Atten-HUT!" Every single man in the camp immediately joined the Captain in a massive, platoon-wide salute. The man in the leather jacket grimaced, but Vance just smiled right on back: this was one of the few things he knew could get under the semi-omnipotent bastard's skin.

"At ease, please," the man in the leather jacket sighed, and instantly every man returned to what they had been doing, reverting to their relaxed positions almost simultaneously. "Vance, why do you insist on doing the whole 'salute' thing? I mean, honestly?"

"You are my superior officer here, sir," Vance replied, standing ramrod straight with his chest thrust out in a position honed by years of military life, "You are a Major, after all."

"I toldja that was just a ceremonial position your general gave me to keep your damned bureaucracy happy." The man in the leather jacket grumbled, sticking his hands in his pockets and delivering a good kick to a rock by his feet. "It's a freakin' joke."

"I think you'll find we don't make jokes in the Corps very often, sir."

"Yeah, I figured that out. And cut the 'sir' crap, seriously."

"Yes sir, Mr. Swarm, sir."

Swarm grinned at that one. "You're saying that wasn't a joke just then?"

Vance just grinned back.

"Fine. Now, how you been settling in, Vance?"

"Oh, perfectly fine sir. The paratroopers should be arriving to reinforce our outer perimeter after they've patrolled the area for enemy contacts, and the…uh…" despite everything he'd seen, there were some things Vance knew he could never get used to, "…The local fauna have been a big help."

"Didja like the deer who led you to this site?"

"Bit of a corny touch, really: made me feel like I walked into a Disney movie. But still, helpful."

"Good to know you and your boys are getting comfortable."

"Yes sir, and don't worry: once the paratroopers secure the area, we'll be ready to guard the…creatures of this world."

"Now," Swarm grinned, "What will you be guarding?"

Vance's smile turned into a grimace, "Dontcha dare make me say it."

"You know I can. Just do yourself a favor and say it."

The Captain struggled to keep his face from twisting into a look of absolute disgust, as if he'd just sipped a sugar-laden cup of Kool-Aid handed to him by a precocious little girl, now smiling up at him with a semi-toothless grin as she waited to hear how much he loved it. "We will be ready to guard these…little…ponies."

"Now, was that so hard?"

"Don't make me kick your semi-omnipotent ass, son."

"You're welcome to try, little one."

Author's Note

welp here's something. I'm new to writing so tell me if i missed anything.

Chapter 2

The creature in Fluttershy's bed moaned and turned over, its heavily-wrapped feet nearly knocking one of the posts right off the bedframe.

"Oh, there there," the Element of Kindness cooed, most of her fear and wariness over the creature replaced with concern. It never failed: the moment a creature of any kind came into her care, she couldn't help but care for it as if it were one of her own pets. I guess that applies to any kind of creature, no matter how strange, she thought as she directed the hummingbirds hovering nearby to replace the washcloth on the creature's smooth, black forehead.

"Oh Celestia, if only I knew what you were!" She sighed, "I might be able to help you then! But so far I can just…"

As she thought aloud, she lost track of what her hooves were doing and the next thing she knew, she had bumped one of the strange black tendrils on the side of the creature's head.

"Oops," she quickly moved to fix her mistake, only to knock the creature's head off entirely. The strange, black apparatus bounced to the floor, rolling lopsidedly across the room before coming to a stop just short of the wall.

"DEAR SWEET CELESTIA!" She screamed, rushing out the door, grabbing a roll of gauze from her bathroom cabinet, and returning to wrap what was left of the poor things head, all the while shrieking at the top of her lungs: "I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRY…"

"Woah," a raspy, yet comforting, voice said from the doorway, "What…what is that!?"

"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy screamed, pulling the only other pegasus she knew she could trust into the room, "Thank Celestia you're here! I was just trying to help this poor little creature and I didn't know how and now its head's gone and I don't know how to help it andeverythingisgoingwrongandnowit'sgonnadieandit'sallmyfaultand…"

"Fluttershy!" The teal pegasus jammed a hoof into her friend's mouth, "Breathe…"

The little yellow pegasus obeyed, sucking in small bursts of air around Rainbow's hoof and sighing.

"Better?"

Fluttershy nodded.

"Good. Now," Rainbow pulled her hoof away and trotted to the creature's side, "What is this thing and why is it in your bed?"

"Well, I found it in the woods, and at first I didn't know what to do, but it was pretty obvious the poor little darling was hurt, so I had to take it in. Only," she sniffled, tears welling up in her eyes, "Only I made it worse! It's head just popped right off and now the poor dear's going to die and it's all my…"

"Woah! Where did ja get the cool helmet!?" Rainbow gasped, swooping right over the creature's body and grabbing the "head" in the corner. Grinning, she pulled it on and it slumped down over her eyes, "Aww, it's too big! Jeez, whoever wore this must be a giant!"

Fluttershy watched her friend, her jaw scraping the floor. "H-helmet?"

"Yeah! Oooh, it's got so many cool gadgets wired to it though! Twilight would have a field day with…wait," she pulled the black casing off her head and eyed Fluttershy, "Did you think this thing was its head?"

Fluttershy nodded bashfully.

"You big goof!" Rainbow laughed before jamming the thing back on her head, "Oh man, lookit all this stuff! What's this knob over here…" Turning the knob on the helmet's side with her hoof, Rainbow Dash was nearly knocked over by a loud blast of static.

"So, you're saying that was just the creature's head protection?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

"Huh!?" Rainbow hollered as she pulled the helmet off and twisted the knob back to the off position, "Oh, yeah. It's fine, Fluttershy! Trust me: head's don't come off that easy."

"Oh, good." Well, now she just felt kind of silly. Of course that thing was a helmet, it was too artificial to be anything else! Still, that didn't explain the weird fabric she'd found it in, or what this creature was.

As if on cue, another pony burst through the door. "Where is it!?" Twilight Sparkle blurted as she barged into the room. Still playing with her helmet, Rainbow Dash simply nodded towards the bed.

"Hey, Fluttershy," the purple unicorn said passively as she galloped past on her way to the bed.

"Oh, hello Twilight…"

"Could you hold this for me while I set my things up?" Twilight interrupted as she tossed a labcoat over Fluttershy's head, "Thanks."

"Oh, s-sure Twilight, but what things do you need to set up?" The little yellow pegasus asked as she shrugged the labcoat off her head and threw it over her back.

"Why, the equipment I'll need for the testing, of course! APPLEJACK!" She called, and a certain orange-colored earth pony trotted in, tugging a wagon loaded down with more heavy electronic equipment than Fluttershy would have thought could possibly fit into a little, red Radio Flyer.

"Whew!" AJ gasped, "Ah dunno whatcha think this stuff'll do fer Fluttershy there, Twilight. But I hope it's worth…" her eyes fell on the bed, and widened. "Now, what in tarnation is that thing!?"

"That's why I asked Twilight over," Fluttershy explained, "I found the poor dear in the forest, wrapped in some kind of strange cloth."

"Cloth? Oh, darling, I hope you kept it!" Rarity said as she trotted daintily in, "Celestia knows when one might need a bit of fabric lying around, and it can be so much cheaper to…I say, where did you find the shaved monkey?"

This time, Fluttershy just shrugged and nudged Twilight.

"Oh, I haven't a clue what it is or where it came from! But I intend to find out," the purple unicorn replied as she turned to her machine and pulled out a bundle of wires attached to sensors. However, before she could begin the process of sticking the little paper sensors onto every inch of exposed skin she could find, Pinkie Pie shot in with a series of blaring trumpets, confetti bursting into the room just behind her.

"Girls! Time to welcome a new friend!" She screamed, readying a pair of drums strapped to herself, "Where is he!?"

"Um…" Twilight said. Pinkie instantly locked on the bed and backflipped off the ground, landing right on the creature's chest. It groaned as the air was knocked right out of its chest and Pinkie started her song: "WELCOME! WELCOME! WELCOME! WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE FINALLY HEEEEERREE! JUST YOU AND ME, PINKIE! OUR LOVELY LIT-tle…dear…" she finally looked down at what she was standing on, then back at all her friends. "Girls? What is this thing?"

"We don't know, Pinkie, that's what I was about to find out." Twilight replied patiently.

"Oh." She said, looked back down to the creature's strange, misshapen, bandage-covered head one last time before shrieking and throwing herself off the bed. "RARITY!"

"No, not again…" Rarity moaned before her friend's pink flank smacked her to the ground. Both girls landed with a loud, low thump, after which Pinkie started screaming some more.

"Pinkie." Twilight said, now struggling to keep her patience.

"AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…"

"Pinkie!" Twilight was most definitely annoyed now.

"…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…"

"PINKIE!"

"…AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH – what?"

"Are you done?"

"Hold on – AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - okay."

"Good, now, before there are any more interruptions…" Twilight turned back to the bundle of wires by her hoof. With a few, swift hoof movements, the unicorn had a couple dozen sensors attached to the creature's skin and had every machine in her wagon running.

After a few minutes of beeping and whirring, the wagon-based computer bank spat out a long roll of paper, which Twilight studied. "Hmm…interesting…" she mumbled.

"What is it, Twi?" AJ asked.

"Well, according to these scans, this creature still has a very high level of brain activity, consistent with somepony who's…dreaming."

"Good Heavens!" Rarity gasped, throwing Pinkie off herself, "Are you saying this thing is capable of dreaming!?"

"I can't say that for certain yet, Rarity. But these scans are showing me the kind of activity most animals aren't capable of."

"So it's smart?" AJ asked.

"Again, I can't say that with certainty, but…" Twilight shrugged, "It could be a reasonable assumption to make. Hold on…" Thinking on her hooves, the little purple unicorn pulled one of the creature's arms from beneath the bedspread and studied its cloth sleeve carefully, pulling out a magnifying glass. "Rarity, could you come over here and tell me what you see?"

Curious, the white unicorn trotted up to her friend's side and shoved her face into the magnifying glass. "Oh my, I've never seen I've never seen stitching like this! It's beyond precise!" She exclaimed after a moment, her eyes widening in shock.

"Hmm," Twilight nodded, scratching her chin with her hoof. Head hunched in thought, she crossed the room to where Rainbow Dash sat and stole the helmet from off her friend's head.

"Heyyy…"

Twilight ignored her friend's complaints and focused on the helmet in her hooves, turning it over, looking at it from every possible angle.

"You wanna clue us in on whatcha got there, Twi?" Applejack asked.

Twilight simply nodded, hoofing the helmet back to Rainbow Dash before continuing: "Girls, based on what I've seen so far, I think it would be safe to conclude this creature is not of this world."

"You mean…" Pinkie Pie gasped, "THEY have finally landed!? EEP! I KNEW IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY CAME BACK FOR ME!"

"Now, hold up," AJ raised a hoof for some calm, "You're not sayin' we got ourselves a real, honest-to-Celestia alien on our hooves, are ya?"

"I don't know, Applejack, but between the high-levels of brain activity it exhibits and the incredible amount of technology in Rainbow's helmet, I think we can safely this creature is from some sort of different civilization, with a technological capability far beyond our own."

"A true, sophisticated civilization!?" Rarity gasped, "Oh, to learn the culture of other worlds! What marvelous things can this creature do, I wonder?"

At that moment, a deep rumble emanated from the bed, catching everypony's attention. Rainbow Dash put her helmet down and started hovering, ready to charge the bed as Applejack bowed her head and stood ready to back her up. Everypony else backed cautiously away, giving the pair a clear path to the bed if needed.

Then a rotten stench filled the room, forcing them all to turn away and cough. "Ugh, dreadful!" Rarity gasped, preparing a pillow for a fainting spell.

"Some sort of…defense mechanism?" Twilight wondered aloud, pinching her nose shut with her hoof.

"Naw, li'l guy must've had some beans 'fore landin' here in Equestria." AJ replied, waving the stench away with her hat.

"Oh, Applejack! That's so crude!" Rarity choked, her nose wrinkling derisively.

"What? Ah grew up with an older farmhand fer a bro, Ah know what a fart smells like!"

"But we still don't know for sure if it was…"

"Why don't you just ask him what happened?" Pinkie asked.

All eyes turned to the bed. The creature was sitting up.

Author's Note

Hope this is a little better! :twilightsmile:

Chapter 3

Captain Vance gave himself a few more taps before zipping himself up. He knew the golden rule: two shakes or it's just touching yourself, but he figured his audience deserved a little show. Smiling contentedly, he turned away from the bright-pink tree he'd just gone number-one on and almost had his eye poked out by the barrel of an M4-Carbine assault rifle. The smile wavered for an instant, but remained. The rifle's owner was a rather large, muscular, black man, wearing goggles he recognized as the eye protection given to airborne troops as standard issue. He was in full uniform, and held his rifle with a sureness that told Vance he'd used it before, and not just on the firing range. This was the way a veteran held his weapon, no doubt about it. Looking around, Vance could see at least twenty fully-uniformed men had him surrounded, assault rifles all focused on him. "Hands where we can see them." The black man, obviously the leader, whispered. Vance obeyed, raising his hands, palms exposed, but still the smile remained. "What's so funny?" The man in front of him asked.

"S'just weird, you know?" Vance replied. "I was about to tell you the same thing." Suddenly, a hundred more men materialized from the woods around them, decked out in ghillie suits and covered in native foliage. It was almost ludicrous, seeing so many battle-tested warriors with pink leaves tucked into their uniforms, but in the end it had been completely effective. The troopers surrounding Vance hadn't suspected a thing until they were already caught in the trap. And still the smile remained on the captain's face, only this time the other man joined him, grinning broadly.

"Nice to see you haven't gone soft, Captain." He said, lowering his rifle and extending a gloved hand.

"Lieutenant Webb!" Vance gushed, seizing the hand and shaking it vigorously, "I haven't seen you since Fallujah!"

"It's been far too long, sir."

"That it has, son, that it has." Vance whistled, and immediately every man in the forest lowered their weapons and marched forward to greet their paratrooper brethren. Vance selected a specific man from the crowd and began ushering the group back to their main encampment.

"Lieutenant, I want you to meet Second Lieutenant Parker. He's my second in command for this operation, and though he doesn't look it, he's just about a tough a leader as they come."

"Nice meetin' ya." Webb extended his hand.

"The pleasure's all mine, sir. My brother was one of those Army guys you pulled out of that crossfire the insurgents had his squad pinned down in during Fallujah. It's an honor to meet you face-to-face." Parker replied, shaking the hand.

"Yeah, well, just doin' my duty." Webb shrugged, trying very hard to keep from blushing.

"Don't be so modest, Webb. It's unbecoming for a leader of your caliber." Vance said, smiling as he looked at the paratroopers accompanying his men to camp. "Now, I see you managed to hook up with Zulu squadron, what about the others?"

"Well, we did manage to find Bravo squad," Webb replied, and suddenly, twenty more men in paratrooper gear appeared from the wilderness, all surrounding the path they had been following, all with their rifles focused on Vance and Parker.

Vance just grinned even more widely. "God DAMN, I missed workin' with you, Webb!"

"I missed the hell out of you too, sir," Webb replied as the newcomers fell in line with the rest of the group.

"Where's Alpha squadron, though? You find those guys?"

"No sir, I'm afraid they were absent from the rendezvous. We assumed they couldn't make it and had gone directly to camp."

Vance grimaced, "I swear, if it wasn't for all this wild…magic in the air…"

"Still not used to that shit, sir."

"Neither am I son, but like I was saying, this never would have happened in any other op. We wouldn't have to assume anything: Alpha would have radioed somebody by now if all the damned magic didn't interfere with radio transmissions!"

"I'm sure they're just fine, sir. They're big boys. They can care of themselves, and if not, we can always begin a search of…"

As if on cue, a voice cried out from the encampment: "WOUNDED! WE'VE GOT WOUNDED INCOMING!"

Every man in the now company-strength human group immediately picked up the pace, reaching their base just as the first handful of new paratroopers began trickling out of the woods on the opposite side of camp, some of them limping, some of them being supported by their comrades, and some being hauled in on makeshift stretchers.

"Alert the medical tent, we got casualties!" Vance screamed. "Every man help Alpha squad get the wounded to the tent, and somebody find me Lieutenant Bannon!"

"Over here, sir," a man gasped as he limped into the clearing, sweat dripping off the bushy mustache cradled on his lip beneath his paratrooper visors. As two of Vance's Marines rushed forward to pick up the stretcher tied to his back, the man with the mustache dropped to the ground, wheezing.

"Bannon! What happened!? The enemy!?" Vance barked.

"No sir…some kinda storm. Tore the chopper to pieces…a few minutes out of the rift. We tried…to deploy early, but some of us…just weren't fast enough." He motioned to the casualties now funneling into the medic's tent.

"Is that everyone? Did everyone make it to the ground?"

"No sir. The pilot, he…" Bannon choked, "His seat belt jammed. I was the last one out, so I tried to help him, but…I dunno. Something hit me," he removed his visors, and Vance could see his swollen and blackened left eye. "I was in a daze after that. Next thing I knew, I was outside the chopper, parachute deployed and already drifting to ground. I saw it go down, sir, I…sir, I…"

He sniffled, "Sir, I don't think he made it out."

"Alright son," Vance sighed, "You did your best, but right now you need to get to the medtent and get that shiner checked out."

"Yes, sir." Bannon whimpered, pulling himself to his feet.

"In the meantime, me and my men will be searching for that pilot. Until we find a body, we are going to assume he made it out of that chopper in one piece, understand?"

"Perfectly," the Lieutenant sighed, trying to maintain something that at least resembled a confident look in his eye, "And sir?"

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"What about the Major? Is he going to help?"

Vance's nose wrinkled in derision. There were quite a few things he wanted to say about the Major just then, but he knew it was bad practice to bad-mouth a superior around one's subordinates. "Swarm has not been seen in the past twelve hours, son. I would assume he has more important matters to attend to elsewhere. Until he returns, however, we are going to carry on as the soldiers we're trained to be, and trust that wherever that pilot is, he's in good hands."

"Yes, sir." Bannon said, before turning and making his slow, limping way to the medical tent.

Author's Note

here y'all go! :twilightsmile:

Chapter 4

Celestia tilted her head back and downed her tea in a single gulp, leaning back in her chair as the liquid rushed down her throat. Her garden surrounded her, the centerpiece of which, of course, was the frozen statue of Discord, Lord of Chaos and Disharmony. Besides that one sour note from her past, though, the garden really was pleasant. Rose bushes by the dozens, little birds and fluffy squirrels playing over the cobblestone paths, even a nice little hedge maze to wander around in.

And then she thought of what she would need to do soon…

She poured herself another cup of tea and slammed it back in one gulp, eyeing the statue as she replaced the cup in its saucer.

"Wishing for somezing a little stronger?" A familiar voice asked behind her in its usual, heavy German accent. She'd known HE would show up sooner or later.

She turned in her seat and smiled warmly. "Hello again, Swarm."

The man behind her returned the smile, his blonde hair shining in the midday sun, a bottle of wine cradled in his gloved hands, right in front of the lapels of his finely-tailored suit. "I vould assume we are alone?"

"Of course, just as you requested."

"Good, good," Swarm took a seat at the marble table and produced two glasses, filling each to the brim. "Colli Aprutini, from the vines of Teramo."

"Your Italians do seem to have a knack for wine making." Celestia said, her glass rising to her lips with a magical shimmer.

Swarm stared at her, "Now, how did you even…"

"I am an Alicorn, tasked with the protection of all of Equestria. It is my job to know. Now, judging by your accent, I would assume you are the European brother, are you not?"

The man grimaced, "My brozer did not tell me you were avare that zere vere more of us."

"He probably wanted it to be a surprise."

"Oh, it is quite ze surprise, I can assure you of zat."

"Now, what name do you prefer to go by?"

The man raised his glass to his lips, obviously deep in thought for a quick instant, then he shrugged and took a small sip. "Hans. Hans Dietrich." He replied, the wine sliding down his throat.

"A lovely name."

"Yes, I thought so too. Now," Swarm crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair, "Vhat seems to be ze problem, mine little princess?"

"You're imitating Freud on purpose, aren't you?" Celestia asked with an eyebrow cocked.

"I have a lot of German in me, it's one of ze benefits."

"Fine," Celestia sighed, "If you must know, it's Discord."

The cocky little smile on Swarm's face faded, "You really don't want to enlist his help in zis battle, do you?"

"The God of Chaos and Disharmony, whose iron rule over the land spread misery to untold millions, loose once again? And, what's more, we become indebted to him by asking for his help? Why would that bother me at all?" Celestia replied icily.

"You know what's at stake here, you know what ze enemy is capable of, and you know zat if they vin, zeir reign will make a thousand years under Discord look like a cakewalk. We have no choice: my forces are spread too thin, ve need all ze help we can get!"

"I know this Swarm, I was merely airing a few personal grievances," she sighed again, bringing the wine glass to her lips and sipping regally. Suddenly, a bear's paw clamped onto Swarm's shoulder, and he bolted out of his chair, a rapier materializing in his hand. Discord smirked back at him, the small tuft of hair he tried to pass off as a beard waving in the mild breeze.

"Which is why I released him twenty minutes ago." Celestia finished, allowing a tiny yet confident smile to cross her face as she sipped.

"So, this is the boy with all the toys?" Discord looked Swarm over as the rapier disappeared. Swarm returned the gaze, both of them systematically scanning each other until they finally met one another's eyes. Discord's yellow-red pupils locked onto Swarm's sky-blue pearls.

"You know, if this was another kind of fanfic, this would be the part where we kiss." Discord said, nonchalantly returning Swarm's piercing gaze.

"Oh, I'm avare." Swarm replied.

"You won't hear a complaint from me!" Celestia gushed, the wine obviously starting to take effect as the two took their seats at opposite sides of the table.

"I've heard a great many things about you." Discord said, his gaze never leaving Swarm's.

"Have you now?"

"It's hard not to hear of another traveler when one jumps across as many worlds as I do."

Celestia paused mid-sip in slight surprise, as if Discord had just revealed something she might have suspected at some point but never put much effort into investigating.

"Don't be surprised, Princess," Discord grinned and leaned back, his reptilian tail shifting to accommodate his motions, "I am the very essence of chaos and disharmony. You may have caged my physical form in this realm, but there are infinitely many more for me to play in. Like Mr. Dietrich's here."

"Oh?" Swarm laughed, pulling another wine glass out from under the table and filling it, "I find zat hard to believe. Nozing could get near my vorld without my knowing."

"I wouldn't be so sure of myself, Dietrich. At any rate, it's been awhile since I've paid a visit. Not since you were born, in fact."

Swarm's grip on the bottle faltered, spilling a few drops of wine onto the pure-white marble of the table.

"Yes, I'm afraid your world has gotten quite boring since you popped up," Discord continued, eyeing his fingernails with sudden fascination as a wicked smile crossed his face, "But then, what could one expect from a planet reduced from six billion real, living, sentient beings to…"

"Discord!" Celestia barked, "Enough. Or have you forgotten our deal?"

"Of course I haven't." His goat-like features molded into a pout which reminded Swarm of a child being forced to eat their veggies, "Just having a bit of fun here, Princess. It has been a while since I've been allowed that much on this plane. Speaking of fun though, it looks like I'll be having a lot more once we're done."

He grinned, his teeth, though misshapen and cracked, gleamed intimidatingly at his companions in the midday sun. "Two-hundred year's free reign over alternating sections of Equestria? You two must be desperate."

"We are." Swarm replied gravely, and immediately his tone set the god of chaos on edge, though he absolutely refused to show it. "For the past few months zere have been numerous interdimensional breeches, on a scale unlike anyzing we've seen before."

"So? One of us has gotten frisky." Discord messily gulped down his wine and slammed his glass down on the table, chipping its polished surface as he wiped his mouth with the back of his clawed hand. "It happens every now and again. Plenty of time on our hands, infinite power, what do you expect?"

"Not like zis," Swarm reached under the table, this time pulling out a manila folder. He threw it casually towards Discord, who caught it mid-air and popped it open. Inside was a stack of photographs, the first of which showed some kind of beach landing being undertaken by a large, human military force. "Zat first one was taken by an American spy satellite last veek in one of ze worlds near my own. It shows an assault being undertaken by a group calling itself 'The Ridchir' upon ze southern shores of the isle of Hong Kong. Zis group proceeded to launch an all-out attack upon ze Chinese mainland and carry out a number of terrorist attacks and air strikes which resulted in the destruction of an American carrier group, along vith numerous Chinese, American, Taiwanese, and Japanese military facilities in ze region."

"Now, where did a terrorist group get the resources to carry out such a widespread attack?" Celestia asked, leaning forward in her seat. Discord tried his very best to look disinterested, though privately he had to admit he was curious himself.

"Anozer vorld," Swarm replied flatly, tilting his head back and upending his wine glass down his throat as his companions sat in stunned silence. "Ze rest of them are like zat. A few, particularly nasty human vorlds doing zings they should not be able to do."

Discord flipped rapidly through the file. They were all the same: a group of men armed with sub-machine guns and assault rifles taking a group of animal-like, anthropomorphic people dressed in medieval garb hostage. Several men in Roman-style tunics lying in a ditch, covered in their own blood, with dozens of tell-tale automatic rifle-fire wounds all over their bodies. An archer with pointed, elf-like ears taking aim at the hundreds of parachutes opening over his tree-top home. And, most disturbing of all, an alternative version of Ponyville, burning as the dark silhouettes of dozens of stealth bombers streaked overhead.

"Somezing is punching holes in the walls of reality itself, spraying zis vay and that like a child vith a machine gun." Swarm said, pouring himself another glass, "And I haff good reason to believe it has set its sights on zis specific version of Equestria."

Without another word, both Princess Celestia and Discord pushed their glasses forward. Swarm refilled them silently, staring tiredly at the last few drops trickling away.

Author's Note

ugh finally.

Chapter 6

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 7

In the kitchen, Rarity sprinkled a touch of cinnamon into the large pot bubbling on the oven. "That's too much, consarn it!" Applejack said, swatting at her hoof with a wooden spoon. "You makin' hay soup, or a gingerbread house?"

"Any decent dish can be made even better with just a touch of sweetness added," Rarity replied haughtily, "Honestly, for somepony who makes so many baked goods, one would think you would know that."

"Are you insultin' my cookin'?" Applejack snorted.

"No, I just…"

"Don't forget the sprinkles!" Pinkie Pie interrupted, bounding past them with a trail of confetti billowing out behind her as she threw a jar of chocolate jimmies into the pot.

"Oh Pinkie, now it's ruined!" Rarity moaned.

"Seriously, hon, you may know desserts, but let the other ponies handle dinner." AJ sighed.

"What? Everypony knows that any dish can be improved with enough sprinkles!"

"That is so completely wrong Ah don't even know where t'start."

"Twilight! Are you going to help with dinner, or not?" Rarity moaned in the direction of the little purple unicorn hunched over the kitchen table, her notebook open in front of her.

"What would a species like his even eat…" Twilight mumbled, obviously lost in her own little world, at least until Fluttershy trotted in with a massive platter containing every single fruit and vegetable in her garden balanced on her head. "Fluttershy! What in Equestria…"

"Well, we don't even know what Mr. Uris might eat," she replied bashfully, "So I thought we should try just a bit of everything.

"Oh, let 'im starve!" Rainbow Dash called from the couch, the helmet spinning atop one of her hooves, "If he won't tell us why he's here, why should we bother t'feed him?"

"Fluttershy, that's a wonderful idea!" Twilight said with a glare in Rainbow's direction.

"Really? You really think so?"

"I know so! Here, let me help you." The unicorn balanced part of the tray on her horn and helped ease it down the hall and into Uris' room.

"Mr. Uris!" She called, backing in through the door, "We bought some…"

The tray clattered to the floor as Fluttershy dropped her end, interrupting Twilight. "Oh, Fluttershy, the food! What's wrong!?"

The little yellow pegasus just stood, gaping at an empty bed with ruffled sheets. Just above the still-warm pillow, a window stood wide-open, its curtains billowing in a strong wind blowing from nowhere. "Where is he?" She asked timidly.

"Oh, I'm sure he couldn't have gotten too far…" before Twilight could finish, Fluttershy took to the air, whipping across the room and shooting out the window at speeds that would impress Rainbow Dash. "Wait, Fluttershy! Wait!" Twilight started after her, but she could already tell she would never catch up. The little pegasus already had a massive head start, and with her newfound speed, she was nothing but a yellow speck darting through the wilds of the Everfree forest in no time at all.

Celestia tapped a hoof impatiently on the barely-existent ground, keeping track of time using the pulse bursts of the quasar some two light-years away. Late. Every last one of them. She sighed in frustration. She had expected this from Swarm and the god of chaos. After all, they were…well, Swarm and the god of chaos. But Luna? Heaven knows Luna should have been here by now.

"What is keeping you, sister?" She muttered under her breath.

"Just a wish to see thee concerned, sister dearest." Celestia turned just as Luna appeared, seemingly materializing from the dark matter swirling about them. As was her trademark, her cape swiftly disintegrated into a flock of bats, which flew off into God-only knows where.

"Luna," Celestia smiled warmly, "Longing for the days of Nightmare Moon, are we?"

A shiver traveled up the Princess of the Night's spine. "Never, sister. But thou doth knoweth what they say about old habits."

"Of course, sister, I was merely poking a bit of fun."

"Speaking of poking fun, I hope that's all thy letter to summon me here was," Luna stifled a giggle, "I mean, really? Teaming up with the Lord of Chaos himself? To fight some non-descript evil in the twilight between realms?"

"No, dearest sister," Celestia said with a grimace, "I am afraid that letter was very serious."

Luna froze for a second, then put a hoof to her mouth to stifle another giggle, "Oh, good one, sister! Thou almost hadeth me there! Thou were so serious it almost made it seem like we would be dealing with…"

"…the real deal?" A familiar voice with just a hint of an English accent asked. Luna's body locked up in sheer terror as Discord appeared just over Celestia's head, snaking his long body down towards her and coiling around her neck, much to her disgust, and began stroking her chin ever so slowly as he gazed into her eyes. "The real McCoy? The genuine article? The one, the only, the actual," he sprang from Celestia's body and burst up towards the sky, a random cascade of fireworks and confetti following him as he tossed back his head to roar…

"DISCORD!" Luna gasped, backing up into a battle stance.

"Mmm-yes, quite." He sighed, drifting back down to the solid dark matter plane which formed the ground beneath the Princess' hooves. "You know, it is very rude to interrupt someone when…"

"HAVE AT THEE, FOUL CREATURE!" Luna charged, lightning bolts cascading from clouds which materialized around her body, held in place by the sheer force of her magic. As she approached, he yawned and side-stepped her easily, sending her crashing into her sister.

"Ow." Celestia sighed.

"Sorry, sister." Luna said sheepishly.

"Oh, I'd almost forgotten how much fun you and your sister could be, Luna!" Discord sang, hovering just over her body and prodding her nose cutely, "You with your desperate struggling about and futile attempts at combat! It's just like the good ol' times!"

"Discord! Enough!" Celestia growled, pulling herself out from under Luna and returning to her hooves as fast as lightning. "I've been infinitely patient with you, but if you want, I can call off the deal at any time!"

"Oh please, Princess." Discord floated over to her and looked her straight in the eye, "If you had any choice at all, you never would've even considered the deal. And if you're in a situation that desperate, you are in no position to make any sort of threat."

"Maybe she isn't, but I am." A calm, collected voice said behind him. He twirled to see a young Asian man, wearing a full business suit complete with black tie and highly-polished black leather shoes, peering at him from behind a pair of designer eyeglasses.

"Ooh, the Chink brother! I've been hoping you'd show up!" Discord drifted over to the man, who continued to stare passively off into the darkness. "Let me guess: your counterparts figured I might be able to pull out the stick that's been lodged in your rectum since birth?"

"Actually, they thought this battle could use a bit more of a hands-on approach," the man studied his nails coolly, "Besides, I was the only one who could spare the extra power. Heaven knows our forces are spread all over."

"Ooh, splendid!" Discord clapped childishly, "After all, there is only a billion of your kind running around, right? Who better to make the big sacrifices than the one who can afford it?" He grinned and danced right up into the man's face, whispering: "Glad to see our ways of thinking aren't completely different. We have some common ground after all, isn't that splendid?"

Casually brushing a small bit of Discord's spittle from his jacket, the man reached up and grabbed him by the tuft of hair on his chin, dragging him down to glare directly into his eyes. "With a mere thought, I could cast you into one of many supermassive black holes present in one of the universes which has no underlying framework to support magic. And yes, both those things exist, and yes, they are absolutely impossible to escape from. Just you, alone, in the dark, without your ability to conjure so much as a chocolate milk-soaked marshmallow. Forever."

For the slightest moment, the tiniest bit of fear crept into his mismatched, blood-red eyes, then that insufferable smile returned to Discord's face. He pulled himself free of the man's grip with ease, "Oh, do quit the melodramatics, little one."

"If we've had enough jabbing at each other for one day," Celestia stepped forward, "Could we please get back on-task? Swarm…or, I'm sorry, which name did you wish to go by?"

"Chen Li." The man replied, taking one of her glass slipper-covered hooves in one hand and kissing it, "At your service, Princess."

Blushing, Celestia quickly regained her composure, "Well, Mr. Li, your European counterpart informed me that you would need time to prepare for battle."

"Indeed I do," the man replied, "If you don't mind…"

"Oh, not at all. Take as long as you need, my good sir."

Bowing, the man extended his arms out as far as they could go and brought his hands together in a massive clap that echoed off into the eternal distance. Starting at the sleeves, his suit transformed into a silken white robe in the space of a second, glistening in the semi-darkness. The fine shoes became padded slippers, engineered for absolutely perfect motion and traction, and the glasses disappeared from his face. The businessman was now gone, replaced by the ultimate hand-to-hand warrior. "Thank you for your patience," he said, bowing once more.

"Showoff." Discord mumbled.

"Brilliant!" Celestia gushed as she returned to her sister's side. Realizing Luna hadn't said anything in the past few minutes, she looked to the Princess of the Night and found her staring wide-eyed at the scene, eyes darting from Discord to the man and back again, mouth hanging open.

"Luna, dearest, you're going to catch flies like that."

"I…" Luna started, trailed off, swallowed, and attempted a reboot, "I…that's a human!"

"Yep!" Celestia said cheerfully.

"And Discord!"

"Yep!"

"We're working with the Lord of Chaos himself and a human to fight an enemy! This is a thing! That is happening!"

"Yep!"

The Night Princess turned to her sister, her eyes still wide as dinner plates, "Sister, there is much you have neglected to tell me."

"Yes," Celestia sighed, the smile fading, "It is complicated, Luna, but I will try to explain our situation as best as I can."

"Take as long as you need," Li said, "You extended me that courtesy, and so I shall return it."

"You have my thanks." Celestia replied, throwing a now-babbling Luna over her back and hauling her off into the darkness.

Discord gazed over at Li and grinned, "I wonder what antics those two could get up to while they're alone."

"Oh, do try to take this seriously." Li sighed with a roll of his eyes, "We are about to face a powerful foe, I would appreciate it if you did not make references to internet phenomena."

"Molestiaaa…" Discord chimed, "Admit it: it gives you a poner just thinking about it. Just a little hard. C'mon. Admit it."

Li's face turned bright red. "I swear that I have no idea what you are talking about, now could we please try to remain focused on the task…"

A small bit of his pants vibrated, and before Discord could crack another smart-ass comment the man swiftly scooped a cell phone out of a non-existent pocket and flipped it open, leaving Discord to wonder where the phone had really come from and why a man of nearly God-like power was using a leftover staple from the early 00s. "Too cheap for an iPhone?" He asked with a smile. The man raised a finger at him, nodding along with the person on the other side.

"Yeah," he said, "We're all together…uh-huh…okay, I know you won't be able to close them all, but we just need you to close enough. Just enough to keep us from getting totally overrun…uh-huh…okay, Sari, I…yes, I love you too…Okay…I will be, buh-bye." He smooched the speaker and flipped it shut, shoving the phone into a pocket which promptly blinked right back into non-existence.

"So, who was that little cutie on the other side?" Discord asked.

"That 'little cutie' will be responsible for shutting as many of the portals in this region, blocking the vast majority of the enemy's forces and possibly giving us the small edge we need to survive this day. So I would watch my words if I were you."

Discord sighed, "Fine, sorry I asked."

"It is okay. You are forgiven."

The Lord of Chaos snickered, one of his crooked teeth gleaming at the man, "Well, at least I know why your comrades chose you to help out here."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"You're the one most likely to get under my skin."

"I believe that is the closest thing to a compliment you have given me thus far."

"Don't let it go to your head."

Author's Note

here's this. off the rest of today, sorry.

Chapter 8

The purple blades of grass whipped by Uris' feet, every step taking him deeper into a forest where the trees were covered in lavender bark, small bits of sparkling glitter constantly showered down on him from above, and where his camouflage uniform was anything but. Brushing the glitter aside, he vaulted a small family of squirrels sitting down to a picnic of acorns and honey, thanking God for every hour of calisthenics his drill instructor had forced him through. Around the time he passed his fourth cotton candy patch, Uris had a sudden and terrifying thought: what if the enemy was already here? There was no telling how long he'd been out. A whole army of enemy infantry could have landed right here in this forest!

Diving into a bush covered in fat, red berries and violet leaves, Uris calmed his breathing and tried to listen. The wind rustled through the tree branches, a squirrel chittered angrily at a neighbor over who had claim on an especially large acorn hanging from the tree they shared, and a bird tweeted a perfect C# scale in preparation for a day's worth of singing. Grimacing from the cuteness overload, he unzipped his jacket and pulled out the one thing he'd made absolutely certain to keep hidden from his equine saviors: a Beretta sub-compact. Ten-round mag, .40 caliber rounds, and four spare clips in his pockets. It wouldn't be much against a platoon of enemy soldiers armed with SMGs, rifles, and a taste for American blood, but it might give him a fighting chance against a small patrol.

Still struggling to keep his breathing calm, Uris gripped the pistol until his knuckles turned white. He'd been trained to use a firearm, and had even gone to the range with this particular weapon, but this would be the first time he might actually need to use it in self-defense. How would he do? These were the same bastards that killed all those people in Hong Kong and sank a whole damn U.S carrier group, but still, would he even be able to squeeze the trigger with another human being in the sights? And even if he could, would he be faster than the guy sighting him up? Quieter? Stronger?

The trees rustled in the wind again, sending more of that glitter crap raining down on him. This time he didn't even blink, not even when a massive sunflower subsequently burst into existence in his hair, though he did curse himself for leaving his helmet behind. 'Welp,' he figured, 'At least it's in good han…hooves. That little teal pony seemed like enough of a hothead. She'll probably put it to good use.'

Wait, had to focus, right. The enemy could be anywhere right now, surrounding him even as he sat here, having an internal monologue. Something rustled in the brush nearby, "Or they could be right behind me!" He gasped, wheeling around to face his opponent, but already it was too late. A bright yellow streak surrounded by a pinkish hue landed at his feet, followed by a familiar, soft voice screaming: "Mr. Uris!"

"Fluttershy!?" He exclaimed, "Oh, Goddammit girl! Dontcha know not to sneak up on a soldier like that!? Do you have any idea what could've happened!?"

"I…I just…" she sniffled in reply, tears materializing in her eyes so fast you'd think they were hooked to Niagara Falls.

"No, of course, you don't," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he holstered his weapon. "Look, let's just say things might have gone badly, and you could've gotten hurt, and I don't want to see that happen, understand?"

She nodded timidly, her little pink mane bobbing up and down over one of her eyes.

"Holy crap, is there any moment when you guys aren't head-crushingly adorable?"

"Um…what do you…"

Before she could finish, a brilliant teal streak tore through the canopy of pink leaves above them and slammed into Uris' stomach. Buckling to the ground, the human was left almost completely defenseless against the flurry of hoof kicks and punches Rainbow Dash followed up with. "TRYIN' TO ESCAPE, HUH? MEET UP WITH YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS TO ATTACK EQUESTRIA, IS THAT YER ANGLE!?" She shrieked.

"Rainbow Dash, don't!" Fluttershy squeaked, pulling her friend off Uris, "He was only trying…"

"Trying to pull something! This guy's dangerous and it's time you pushed the hair out of your eyes and saw it!" RD bellowed right into Fluttershy's face. In response, the yellow pegasus whined ever so slightly, choking back a sob as tears welled up once again.

Sighing, Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane as she backed away, "Look, Fluttershy, I didn't mean…" she caught the human's reflection in one of Fluttershy's tears, noticing it reach for something, "Oh my sweet Celestia, WHAT'S THAT YOU GOT YOU TWO-LEGGED FREAK!?"

"What, I don't got any-" he looked down and realized, to his horror, that his hand was reaching into his jacket, already wrapped around the Beretta's grip. "-thing…oh, freakin' military training!" He screamed, realizing he'd gone for the pistol on instinct.

"SOME KINDA WEAPON!? HUH!?" Nearly breaking the light barrier, Rainbow Dash landed back on Uris' chest and engaged in a tug of war with his wrist, with the human trying to keep his hand shoved into his jacket while she tried to pull it out.

"Damn it all, leggo!" He shouted, "It's none a' your business!"

"If it's a weapon, it sure as buck is my business!"

", jeez, how are you so strong!?"

They continued back and forth like that for a few minutes, with Fluttershy watching in growing concern as they both grew visibly more frustrated, their tempers quickly reaching the boiling point when Uris suddenly grabbed Dash by the back of her mane and threw her off. "YOU WANNA SEE WHAT I GOT HERE!?" He screamed, tearing the jacket's buttons off rip it open, "I'VE GOT THIS!"

Without even looking he turned, whipped the pistol out of his jacket, and fired straight up into the air. The shot boomed off into the wilderness, slicing through the peaceful day like a katana covered in acid through a plate of Jell-O. Everything: the birds, the squirrels chittering at each other, even Rainbow Dash, fell silent.

Then a bird fell out of the sky and landed by Uris' feet, a massive hole in its chest.

"OHMYGOSH!" Fluttershy gasped, rushing to the little avian's side and beginning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, which only resulted in a small burst of blood and feathers whistling into the air every few moments. It was both the most hilarious and the most tragic thing Uris had seen in his short career with the armed forces.

"So that's what that does, huh?" Rainbow Dash asked from beside him in a surprisingly small voice. Uris just nodded, slowly holstering the weapon. She sighed, "Oh man, we're in it now."

"Why? What's gonna happen?"

"Do you have any idea how much that girl loves animals?"

Before he could reply, Fluttershy looked up at them, tears streaming down her little yellow cheeks. "He's…" she sniffled, wiping at her nose with her hoof, "He's…dead."

Rainbow Dash looked up at him expectedly, waiting for him to do something. "Whaddya want from me!?" He said, "It's not like I can bring the dead back or anything!"

"No, just make them." Fluttershy whimpered, wiping at her nose again as her lower lip trembled ever so delicately.

"Oh, don't be like that," he sighed, "I mean; just what do you expect me to do here? Hold a funeral?"

Uris tilted his head back. The dot in the middle of the green light was now about the size of a dime; he could almost see a sort of circular motion he thought might be rotors. But that was okay: he still had time. He could still make it through this in one piece. It would be hours before that thing would land, and by then he could be long gone and back safe and sound in camp. So he returned to what he was doing. "Uh…life…and death…" he stammered, supporting himself on the wooden plank with the words "some damn bird" scrawled on it (he'd made it himself) that they were using as a makeshift gravestone. Oh, this was so ridiculous. Here he was, cut off from the rest of his platoon, possibly suffering from a mild concussion, and about to wind up in the middle of a massive aerial assault on a group of utterly defenseless ponies, and he was giving the eulogy at a bird's funeral!?

Whatever, just had to get this over with. Where was he? Oh, right. "Life…and death!" He said somewhat more confidently.

"You just said that." Rainbow Dash remarked, leaning casually against the gravestone.

Fluttershy shooed her away from the grave and motioned for Uris to continue. "Alright, life and death…are…two…things."

"Spoken like a true playwright." Dash snickered.

Silencing her with a glare, Fluttershy stared intently at Uris. Sighing, he scanned the other ponies, mostly just hanging around the grave staring awkwardly at him (except for Pinkie Pie, who had somehow appeared in a black funeral veil with an embroidered handkerchief). Trying to steady his nerves, Uris tried: "They are…two…things…which are very…important."

"Oh for Celestia's sake!" Rarity sighed, nudging Uris out of the way, "I'm sorry, dearie, but this obviously calls for someone with a bit more eloquence."

Clearing her throat, she suddenly threw herself atop the freshly-dug grave and sobbed, her whole body spasming from the sheer force of her cries: "WHA-HI-HI-HHYYYYYYYY!? HE WAS SO YOUNG! SO MUCH AHEAD OF HIM! WHY, WORLD!? WHYYYYYY!?"

Brushing herself off, she stood up again and bowed, "There, you see? That is how you grieve for a lost one."

Everyone else stared at her for a second before Rainbow Dash sighed, "Okay all, moving along."

"He was…cute?" Fluttershy shrugged.

"That he was." Uris added, trying to be helpful.

"I…think that is sufficient for the loss of a bird." Twilight said, "Okay everyone, back to Fluttershy's cabin for some dinner before it gets cold."

"Ooh! And then we can throw a funeral party!" Pinkie said, tearing off her veil with a sudden burst of confetti and bounding off in the direction of Fluttershy's cabin.

"Pinkie, no! A funeral is supposed to be a solemn affair, dedicated to the remembrance of those we have lost!" Twilight yelled after her as she gave chase.

"And what better way to remember someone than with a huge part-ay!?"

"No, what? Pinkie! PINKIIIIEEEEEEEEEE…"

"Well," Applejack sighed, finally looking up from the blade of grass she had been studying intently throughout the funeral, "Ah better check on dinner, make sure those two don't mess it all up."

"I'll join you." Rainbow Dash said, swooping by her.

"Oh, NOW y'all wanna help with dinner?"

"Hey! I can be handy in a kitchen."

"I'll believe that when I see it, Rainbow…"

Fluttershy and Uris watched the two friends set off arguing, leaving them alone by the grave. With the sun setting over the hills behind them, casting a deep red glow over the landscape, Uris figured now might be a good time to try and patch a few things up. "Look, I really am sorry about what happened to the bird. I got a bit carried away when I really shouldn't have."

"It's okay," Fluttershy said, "Really. Dash can get under anyone's skin."

"Yeah, I can see how."

"She's just trying to protect what she loves, that's all."

"You know what; I think I can respect that."

"That's good."

He was fumbling around in his mind, trying to come up with something new to say, when he caught a glance of her in the fading light. The deep red of the sunset caught her mane in just the right way, making the most beautiful shade of pink he'd ever seen in his life, practically glowing in sharp contrast to her yellow body. Her wings spread out behind her as she prepared to take off after her friends, and immediately the hue of light around her made her look like…

"…an angel." He muttered.

"I'm sorry, what?" She asked.

"Nothing! Nothing at all! Let's just…go see what's for dinner, huh? It's been quite a day."

"Oh yes, I'm actually famished now that you mention it," she said, hovering just beside him as they slowly walked along to rejoin the rest of the ponies gathered near her home. Still, he was so transfixed by her sudden beauty (and whether this meant he was a zoophile or not) and everyone else so distracted by their own issues that nobody even noticed when Pinkie cut off mid-sentence.

"And we'll have cake and ice cream and…" she paused, a massive shiver traveling up from her hooves and into her body, shaking her shoulders and wracking her mane. Curious, she scanned around. This was nothing like the other shakes her Pinkie-sense had given her. It felt serious, yes, but she couldn't quite understand the danger. But with everyone so busy and all trying to talk at the same time, she guessed she might as well just dismiss it as a random tremble.

So much could have been averted if she hadn't. If she had brought it up, Uris might have overheard the ponies all talking about her sudden spike of Pinkie-sense. Once he learned it was a sort of early-warning system for danger, he might have whirled around and noticed one of three things.

The first would be the little dots appearing all around the main dot in the middle of the green light in textbook skydiving formation.

The second would be the parachutes opening up in the skies over someplace far in the distance, then maybe, just maybe, if he'd listened very closely, he might have noticed the sound of gunfire and the explosions of mortar impacts rumbling off in their direction.

And third and most importantly, he might have spotted the man dressed all in gray with camouflage netting draped over his shoulders, spying on them through a pair of binoculars from just inside the brush at the edge of the Everfree forest.

With a grimace, the man in the camouflage disappeared into the bush and motioned to another man nearby, standing over a large wooden box with a headset plugged into it. Pressing the set's mouthpiece to his lips, he whispered in a strange and guttural language, ""

"" A voice replied. The first man promptly returned the set to its place on the box and motioned for the second to hide it deep in the bush. He then made one, simple hand gesture to the rest of the men with him and, without a sound, they spread out through the bush in a perfect assault formation.

Author's Note

uuuuuuuuuuuugh!

Chapter 9

Vance glared at the map unfolded on the table before him, right next to the partially-assembled pistol. The number of blank O’s had dwindled to almost nothing, while the number of X’s had skyrocketed. “Where are you, boy? Why can’t I bring you home?” He wondered aloud.

“Captain?” Parker asked from behind him, “We’ve got news.”

Vance turned grimly. He knew from Parker’s tone of voice that they still hadn’t found the pilot. And if they hadn’t found the pilot, the only other news he could possibly have was…

“It’s the enemy, sir.” His Second-in-Command said with a nervous swallow, “They’ve landed. We’ve spotted parachute drops all over.”

Vance nodded. When he spoke again, it was with the almost machine-like authority of a true commander, “Send runners out to get the search teams back. Have everybody still in-camp prepare for an assault. We are going to meet the enemy wherever he lands.”

“Yes sir, but there’s something else.”

“Oh?”

“The enemy dropped a bit far from where we expected. A good ten, twenty miles off from where intel said they’d land.”

“Trip through the portal must’ve thrown ‘em off; good to know they’re as new to jumping between worlds as we are.” Vance mumbled.

“What was that, sir?”

“Nothing, Lieutenant, just thinking out loud. Now, are we still in place to intercept any sort of assault on Grid Alpha?”

“Yes sir, this is still the only real opening in the area. The enemy knows they need this clearing to marshal their strength. But this new area they dropped into…” he sighed, “Those maps we got show a small village in the area. Two, maybe three-hundred pon…natives.”

Vance scowled, “Damn, there’s no way we can be mobile before the enemy overruns that village.”

“No, sir.”

“Where is it, anyway?”

“Um…” Parker walked over to the map on the desk, scanned it for a quick second, and swiftly jammed a finger down on one spot. “Right here, sir.”

Vance looked over the map, and almost immediately his scowl turned into a grin. “Oh, really?” He said knowingly.

“Sir?”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that village, Lieutenant. You see, intel was worried the enemy might detect our forces and use that area as a launching point for a flanking maneuver, so they made sure there will be a little surprise waiting in case they did.”

“What surprise, sir?”

“That’s on a need to know basis, Lieutenant.” Vance replied, “But trust me when I say the little ponies in that village have nothing to worry about.”

Shining Armor had never been more terrified in his life. ‘I don’t understand,’ he thought, ‘This can’t be happening. I’m on my honeymoon, for pity’s sake!’

The tiny village of Colton had seemed like the perfect choice for a week away from the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. Just him and his new wife, Cadence, in a quaint little village nestled in the Everfree Forest for a week. Sure, she had been somewhat iffy about heading off to such a small, isolated town, especially after the battle with the changelings, but just one whiff of that fresh country air had changed her mind, and together they had enjoyed a week together in their small but cozy inn room.

Then these strange bipeds appeared with their exotic weapons which spat fire every time they moved one of the fleshy growths at the ends of their arms. Their attack had come so suddenly, the town guard hadn’t even awakened to counter it, not that there was much they could have done. The attackers rounded up everypony so quickly that some were still rubbing sleep from their eyes as they marched, having been dragged from their warm, soft beds to join the long train of ponies being forced through town. Eventually, they passed the squat log cabin which served as the town hall, now a flaming ruin which illuminated the frightened ponies and the strange bipeds that watched them with squinty little eyes and dark, ugly weapons. Shining slowed his pace for a second to get a better look, managing to catch a glimpse of the equine bodies lying here and there by the building’s collapsed facade, the mayor among them. Then a bipedal ran up and shoved his weapon in Shining’s face, screaming in that guttural language they’d been using and prompting him to keep moving.

‘I shouldn’t have opened the door,’ he thought mournfully, bowing his head and trying very hard to remain unnoticed. He should have just stayed in his room and ignored the whistling sounds and the explosions reducing town hall to rubble. But he’d been curious, in a morbid sort of way, and concerned for the safety of anypony near the hall, so he’d gone dashing outside and straight into the arms of the half-dozen or so bipeds rounding up everypony at the inn. Now, here he was, in the middle of what was supposed to be his week to relax, being marched off like a common farm animal to Celestia-knows-where!

As they trundled along, an older pony strayed off the path, wandering just a bit out of line with his fellow ponies. With a cold efficiency, a biped strode up to the older stallion and cracked him on the back of the head with the heavy stock of his weapon. Mortified, Shining Armor could only watch as the biped dragged the stallion into a darkened alleyway, and a moment later a single crack of one of the biped’s weapons being discharged sounded off into the night. One of the younger fillies screamed, but thankfully her parents kept her in the line. The message had been received loud and clear.

At the very least, Shining could take comfort in the fact that his dearest Cadence was safe, hiding beneath the couch in their spacious inn room. Oh, but how long would that last? How long before the bipeds did a more thorough search of Colton? And even if it didn’t come to that, would he ever see her again? Pushing these thoughts down inside of himself, he looked up just as the long train left the village proper and entered the wilderness around them. At least now the darkness of the forest would make it harder for his captors to see him. For all their might, these bipeds didn’t appear to have any sort of night vision worth mentioning. “Or even have much brawn to look at, for that matter,” he added under his breath. It was amazing that a bunch of bipeds wrapped in soft, pink tissue (like you’d find on a naked mole rat) could be so intimidating! But the gray uniforms they all wore and the sinister, dark green helmets they all wore made every pony avert their cold gazes as they systematically scanned the column leaving town. Where these bipeds had come from was anypony’s guess. Where they were going was everypony’s concern.

The column was forced to stop along a large drainage ditch at the edge of town, and a sudden burst of fear threatened to overwhelm Shining Armor’s mind. He didn’t know why, but something seemed very wrong with this setup: the way so many ponies were being lined up right in front of the ditch, the way the bipeds watched them while forming their own line with a grim determination in their eyes. ‘This isn’t the first time they’ve done something like this,’ he realized in horror, ‘They’ve done it before. Celestia help us all, they’re experienced!’

One of the bipeds in a lavish coat covered in medals stood at the end of the line with his fist raised. The others raised their weapons and leveled them on the line of ponies just across from them. Most of the ponies gasped, some cried. Shining Armor didn’t move. On some level, he’d been expecting this.

“ONE!” The leader screamed, and a series of clicks resounded from all the biped’s weapons. The crying intensified. A hoof brushed by Shining’s own, and he looked over to see the little, pink barmare from his inn, still wearing her apron. Her hoof had accidentally brushed past his, her whole body quivering in fear.

“TWO!” The other bipeds steadied their aim. Shining seized the hoof and squeezed for all he was worth. The barmare yelped in fright and looked at him, but quickly returned the squeeze. Nodding to one another, their eyes slid shut in anticipation.

Then, the strangest thing happened. An unusually large stallion appeared just outside the line of trees nearby, near the farms. Silhouetted by the full moon above, the stallion walked in a strange, lopsided fashion right into the open. All eyes turned to the newcomer, including the bipeds’. Shining Armor didn’t even look, simply grateful for the few extra moments of life the newcomer had just bought him.

One of the bipeds stepped out of line and started screaming at the stallion, waving his weapon in the air. The stallion’s only response was to rear up on his hind legs and point his front hooves at them, in much the same manner they held some of their weapons. Taking this as some act of defiance, a few other bipeds walked up beside the first and began advancing on the stallion, most with their weapons at their side or just held at the ready for a serious clubbing. The rest of the bipeds hanging back joked amongst themselves, believing this to be a small oversight which would soon be corrected as yet another example to serve the town’s populace. The ponies did nothing.

Suddenly, a loud series of cracks sounded out, not too unlike the sounds the bipeds’ weapons made. A pair of brilliant little flares appeared out of the stallion’s hooves, then another, and another. The three bipeds advancing on the stallion suddenly dropped with telltale wounds all over their chests and necks, one of them still screaming, the others just remaining totally silent. At that the other bipeds leapt into action, yelling in their language and spraying in the direction of the stallion, who simply back-flipped right into the cover of the trees behind him. Then, with the bipeds distracted with the stallion on their side, another series of cracks and pops and little flares appeared from the forest behind them, slicing them down before they even had a chance to turn.

It was all over in less than a minute. The bipeds, once so proud and intimidating, now all lay in a big pile, most of them dead. The ponies watched with a mixture of horror and fascination as yet another group of bipeds appeared from the forest, ‘appeared’ being the exact word Shining Armor would have used if he were to write about his experiences this night, as the bipeds seemed to materialize just within the line of trees, covered in pink camo netting. They all approached the line of ponies with their weapons raised, but pointed at the fallen group of bipeds. Some of the newcomers swiftly broke off to check on the fallen, while one of them raised his hand and let out a short, loud whistle. At the sound, the stallion appeared from the forest again, walking on his hind legs, shedding the hooves and horse-like head to reveal a smaller, helmeted head as he approached.

‘He’s one of them,’ Shining Armor realized as the newcomer approached, grinning like a madman. Most ponies immediately took a few pr-emptive steps back, and the biped stopped, the grin fading to a more neutral expression. Laying his weapon on the ground, the biped advanced more slowly, with his hands outstretched. “My name is Lieutenant Perkins with the Equestrian Expeditionary Force, part of the United States Armed Forces,” he said unexpectedly. “We are here to help.”

Immediately, everypony in sight bolted for the wilderness, becoming just a hundred streaks of color rushing off into the darkness. All, of course, except for Shining Armor. “Eh, that’s kinda what I expected,” the biped mumbled before looking down at Shining.

“Well? What about you?”

Shining stood his ground and glared right into the biped’s eyes. “You’re fighting those other pink-skins, aren’t you?”

“That is horrifically insensitive from a racial standpoint,” the biped replied automatically, motioning over his shoulder to a dark-skinned biped gearing up with the others, “But yeah, we are.”

“And you’re going to take that little town over there,” Shining shrugged over his own shoulder at the village behind him, “Right?”

“It’s the only thing worth having in this sector.”

“And what are you going to do when you get up there?”

“Uh…” as if to answer for him, one of the gray-uniformed bipeds started moaning, and out of reflex, the newcomer closest to him whipped out a small weapon and put a hole in his head, the shot echoing off into the distance. “Pretty much that, yeah.”

Without another word, Shining Armor trotted over to join the bipeds, most of them immediately pausing in what they were doing to stare, some still halfway through reassembling their weapons. After a few moments of awkward silence, Shining took a deep breath and announced: “My name is Shining Armor of the Royal Canterlot guard. I specialize in shields and magical defense, and I want you to help me save my wife.”

The leader studied him, analyzing every little thing he could see about Shining, from the way he carried himself to the look he had in his eyes. After a few minutes, Shining apparently passed some mental test and the leader spoke: “Your wife’s in there?”

Shining nodded, “We’re on our honeymoon.”

“You said you had training?”

“Royal Canterlot guard, the best there is.”

“And you’re willing to lay down your life for this woman?”

Shining Armor took a few minutes to compose just the right response: “I was trained for most of my adult years to lay down my life for the Royal Court, sliding into the mindset of somebody willing to die for a couple of mares he barely even knew. Compared to that, I figure I shouldn’t have any trouble sacrificing myself for Cadence.”

The leader, along with half the bipeds around him, grinned. “Welcome to Seal Team Six, Mr. Armor.”

Author's Note

yeeees got another one out!!! :derpytongue2:

Chapter 5

Author's Note

bad words here!

lol

Chapter 5

"WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON!?" The creature screamed, flailing its arms around wildly. Being the only ones prepared for a charge, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were the first to make it to the bed, each wrapping their hooves around one of the creature's arms and pinning it to the mattress.

"Gosh, it's strong!" RD grunted.

"Don't tell me it's too much for ya, Rainbow!" AJ replied, grinning through gritted teeth as she dodged a wayward kick from one of the creature's legs.

"In your dreams, country pony."

"WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON!? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!? WHY CAN'T I FUCKING SEE!?" The creature repeated as it continued thrashing.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie popped up on the creature's chest, whipped out the largest tuba anypony in the room had ever seen, and blatted right into its face, streams of confetti exploding with the noise. AJ and RD hit the floor, dazed and covered in glitter.

"Consarn it, Pinkie, couldja warn a pony 'fore you go doin' somethin' like that!?" AJ snapped.

"Ugh, my ears are gonna be ringing for a week." Rainbow grumbled.

"Sorry," Pinkie replied, shrugging sheepishly at them, "But I didn't know any other way to calm everypo- you all down."

"Oh, God," the creature moaned, its head back on the pillow, "My head." Everypony gathered around the bed, except for Fluttershy, who had to be pulled out from under the pillow she'd been hiding behind throughout the debacle. "Wha-what's going on – who's there?"

"It's…talking." Rarity said, looking around at her friends worriedly.

Twilight cleared her throat, "Excuse me, sir?"

The creature froze, trying to peer through the bandages, "Who's there!?"

"Sir, if you could calm down for…oh, you know what? Hang on," she bent over and checked under the bed, "Fluttershy? We could really use your expertise."

The little yellow pegasus, still shivering, shook her head and kept her hooves firmly clamped over her eyes.

"Fluttershy…"

Then AJ poked her head under, "Fluttershy, hun? We could really use ya. This
here critter needs somepony t'calm it down."

"A creature…needs…my…" she whimpered, repeating Applejack's words to herself like a mantra as she slowly pulled herself out and back to the creature's bedside. Obviously unsure of herself, she looked around at her friends, teeth gritted in fear. They beckoned her on. Still not quite sure of what to do, the little yellow pegasus looked within herself for that gut instinct which had guided her through so many other situations like this. Then, acting purely on that instinct, she pulled off one of the creatures gloves with her teeth and, after spitting it onto the floor, took the its hand in her hooves and began to rub.

"There…there, you're…um…safe now." She said shakily, surprised at how warm the creature's hand was. Based on how muscular its arms and legs looked, she had assumed this thing would be some sort of fighting creature, covered in hard, tough skin meant for taking on other harder, tougher animals. But this thing felt almost…soft. And smelt lightly of vanilla.

At any rate, the creature relaxed immediately, and her friends beamed at her. It had worked. Things were back under control. The creature laid there for a second before asking: "Where am I? Some sorta hospital?"

"Well, Fluttershy's cottage is where we bring all the hurt animals." Twilight said.

"A vet's place? Great." The creature tried to sit up, winced, and laid back down. "At least you all speak English, and don't kill Americans on sight. That's a helluva lot more than I could say for the last place I was deployed."

"Yes, um…" Twilight shrugged, looking confusedly at her friends, "What is…what is your name?"

"Officer Peter Uris, United States Naval Aviator," the creature said, giving a perfectly well-rehearsed reply. "Here to support…hang on…"

The creature bolted upright in the bed, "Where am I?"

"Like I said, you are at Fluttershy's…"

"No, I mean what world? I'm back on Earth, right?"

"Um…" Twilight shrugged at her friends, "Is…is that the name of your planet?"

"So they HAVE landed," Pinkie muttered, squinting suspiciously at the creature.

"Oh no," it muttered, clawing at the bandages, "Oh man…what's on my head? Why can't I…"

"Oh, easy now," Fluttershy cooed, unwrapping the bandages around the creature's head. The moment the last strip of gauze peeled away, its eyes blinked open, squinting in the daylight.

The human stared at the ponies surrounding him, looking more and more worried as each moment passed and the things around him stubbornly remained ponies, refusing to turn back into human nurses as part of what must be a concussion-induced hallucination. The ponies looked back, regarding its dull, squinty little eyes with concern. After a few minutes of one of the most awkward staring contests in Equestria's history, the creature sighed.

"Nope, not Earth." He muttered, "Man, my CO's gonna be pissed."

The map on the fold-out card table in front of Vance hadn't been touched in twenty minutes, except by an errant finger as he reached over for one of his tools. A dozen circles marking where the Search and Rescue teams had been deployed stared back up at him as he worked, some of them exed-off already.

Vance grimaced. This was the part he always hated: the waiting. His men had received their orders, the sandbags were dug, the weapons had been cleaned and loaded, and the recon teams were scouring the area for enemy contacts (though they were a bit short-handed now with so many of the specially-trained squads on the search for the missing pilot) while everyone else trained up and stayed sharp for that moment when the recon teams came running back to camp. Until that moment, however, he could only stare at the little circles and dots on his map, repeatedly disassembling, cleaning, and reassembling his sidearm to keep the tension at bay.

Yes, Vance was no stranger to the tension that came with the waiting. There had been plenty of both in Iraq and Afghanistan, and each time he grew to hate it just a little bit more. It was waiting for the bombs to go off, or the bullets to start flying, or for a squad to burst from the woods carrying a teammate covered in his own blood. It was just sitting in one place, waiting for all hell to break loose.

"Captain?" Lieutenant Parker stepped into the tent with a quick salute.

"How goes the search, Lieutenant?" Vance asked, not turned away from the disassembled pistol laid out in front of him.

"We found the chopper, sir: it was demolished. We don't know how much of the damage was done by whatever downed her and how much was the initial crash, but there ain't much worth salvaging, we know that…"

"Didja find our pilot?" Vance asked, locking the pistol's slide back into place.

"No, sir." Parker sighed.

"Then keep looking. I want that pilot back in friendly hands before whatever's supposed to happen here happens."

"Yes, sir." The Lieutenant turned to leave, but suddenly thought better and stepped tentatively back into the tent, waiting there for his Captain to acknowledge him. He didn't have to wait long.

"Lieutenant?" Vance still didn't look up from the half-assembled pistol.

"Sir, with all due respect," Parker breathed slowly before continuing: "This search has our forces scattered all to hell. If the enemy shows up, or if one of our guys makes unauthorized contact with the native populace…"

"Our men are professional soldiers who know how to handle unwarranted contact with civilian populations, the appearance of enemy forces will almost certainly be preceded by that rather spectacular light show the rift's opening tends to show off, and I am NOT writing a letter telling a distraught mother how I lost her son to a nasty storm before the fighting even started. Not if I can help it." Vance slammed the pistol's magazine home and worked the slide, taking great satisfaction in the little telltale click informing him of a job well done.

"Is that understood, Lieutenant?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Then get back to work. Don't return until you have either a helicopter pilot with an interesting story to tell, or a body."

Without another word, Parker saluted and left the tent. Vance glared down at the map, pistol in hand. A group of circles with X's over them stared back up at him, kinda like the eyes of dead people in those old cartoons he used to watch…

Sighing, he pulled the pistol's magazine out and worked the slide to empty the chamber, catching the bullet as it sprang out at him so he could start the cleaning process all over again.