As the guard regained consciousness, he found himself on the floor tied up. He struggled and squirmed to break free, but his efforts were in vain.
As he waited for his vision to clear, he tried to observe his surroundings the best he could. From what he was able to see, he was laying on a dark blue carpet. Anything further than two feet was still a blur for him. Although, he was sure he saw a cracked window that provided little illumination in the room.
"Ah. You have awoken." A new and unrecognizable voice made its presence known.
"Who are you?" the guard questioned, "I am a major of the Royal Guard."
"Oh I know very well who you are Major." The female's voice can be described as appealing, but it also gave cold chills to the guard.
"Then explain yourself. Who are you? Why am I here?"
"All in good time. However, you are in no position to be questioning me. I will be the one asking the questions." The voice drew closer and closer to the guard. What followed the voice was the sound of hoofsteps. Soon the guard was able to see a taller figure, but was not in range for a clear vision.
"As you know, today is the day of the Summer Sun Celebration. One would assume that Princess Celestia would be making preparations. Sadly, she is nowhere to be found. But you know where she is don't you?"
"Ha! You think I know that information? Even if I did, why should I tell you?"
"Why should you? Maybe I should shed some light on the situation."
Then suddenly, curtains from the cracked window was drawn open. In a flash of light, the entire room was lit up and the guard's vision was much clearer. In front of him was a battle armored, tall, dark, and thin mare. Not only a mare, but an alicorn princess. She stared down at him with cold eyes that shined like sapphire.
"Oh my..." the guard was at a loss for words.
"That's right. After 1,000 years I have finally returned."
"No no no it's not that."
"I can see you trembling in fear before me. Don't think you can fool me."
"No no. It's just that... You're so... So beautiful!"
The sudden outburst caught the alicorn by surprise. She jumped back from his statement. "E-Excuse me?" she asked.
"I can't believe it. I have always believed that I would find that somepony in my life and this is it! This is really really happening! I'm not dreaming am I?" The guard suddenly had the strength to try to hop. He continued to hop toward the alicorn princess.
"Stop! I command you to stop!" She ordered, but the guard persisted. However, being tied up made him run out of breath. At some point, he had to give in to her wishes. "What do you think you are doing? Don't you know who I am!?!"
"That's just it! I don't know anything about you, but I want to."
"Well you will you insolent pest! I am the 'Mare of the Moon.' I, Nightmare Moon, shall reign over all of Equestria in eternal night!"
"Nightmare Moon?" asked the guard.
The night princess laughed maniacally, "Yes. Now you understand?"
"Nightmare Moon... Yes. Nightmare Moon I love it!"
"Yes- Wait what?" the mare asked confused.
"Okay. So let me see what I know of you so far. Umm... your name is Nightmare Moon. Wow, I still can't get enough of that name. Oh! I see your hobby is Astronomy-."
"Silence fool!" Nightmare Moon demanded.
"Oh wow. Those beautiful blue eyes. They shine so bright when you get angry. Did you know that?"
The mare then put her hoof down, causing a small crack to appear. "Enough! I am tired of these games!"
"Games? Oh my princess, these are no games! I love everything about you; the wavy mane, the sexy armor, the cute little nose. I have found the mare I want to spend my life with!" the guard announced to her.
"What!?!" The mare gasped, "Have you lost your mind!?!"
"Yes! Yes I have! I have lost my mind and I have never felt so alive!"
Nightmare Moon gave a couple coughs to clear her throat. She regained her composure and turned away from the guard; Finding she was unable to look at him. "I don't have time for this nonsense. This will be my final warning to you. If you don't-."
She was interrupted by the guard's sudden loud gasp, "Sweet Celestia. There is a full moon out tonight!"
"No there isn't. I haven't raised the... Eek!" The princess let out a ear piercing screech as she realized what moon the guard was referring to.
"Ms. Moon, that has to be the cutest little bum EVER!" the guard stated.
Nightmare Moon blushed in frustration, "Now you listen here. I don't know what you are trying to pull but-... Aha! Now I understand. You are toying with me. You are messing with my head. Well it isn't going to work! Do you hear me!?!"
"Oh that voice," the guard said as if he was in a trance, "It is just so dreamy. I could listen to you all day long."
"...A moron. That's what he is. They will hire anybody in the royal guard nowadays. A lot has changed in 1,000 years," an exhausted princess thought to herself.
"I have a lot to make up for the time we haven't been together. But the past doesn't matter. What matters is the here and now. I will follow you to the gates of Tartarus if I have to! Kiss me my princess! Kiss me now!"
After the guard expressed his feelings, the mare of the moon stood tall with her eyes shining bright. "Enough!" Her voice echoed as the wind began to swirl around them. "I have had it with you! Where is Princess Celestia hiding!?! You will tell me NOW!"
The guard pouted, "Oh who cares about that overrated sun butt?"
"I do!" the princess shouted.
"Oh okay. She is hiding in the mountains near the Castle of the Two Sisters."
The wind died down and the iris of her eyes began to reappear. "Ah. Of course. I see she wants to settle this where it all began. Nice to know that dear sister hasn't forgotten me."
"Oh princess," the guard sang, "I have told you what you wanted to know. Can't I be rewarded with a kiss?"
The princess rubbed one of her forelegs with the other. She said with blush in her cheeks and a small smile, "Well... A little kiss wouldn't hurt."
Author's Note
I really loved the skit and I hope you all enjoyed this little parody.
The link to the original video is provided below if you want to take a look at it yourself.
Thank you and I hope you enjoyed!
A Bit of Fry and Laurie "Nazi Skit"
