Fallout Equestria: Sourpuss' Dossier

by Chokfi

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Dark, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Horror, Other, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Fallout
Length: 3256

When your a member of the ministry of morale, your duty never ends... not even in death. (A redo of an older version of the story. I'm leaving the old version up, at least until I catch up with it.)

Sourpuss was just a normal pony once, a pony who hated everything. But the ministry of morale's training made him less upset than ever. Now that the world has ended, he refuses to stop doing reports about the world as it is... and as it once was.

This is a redo of a previous version. If I have not taken down the previous version, you should find it on my page. Thank you.

Published 2018-02-15 19:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-19 16:02:33 UTC

Forward: An article on LSP

Special Report

3/12/1011

Report on LSP

The subject of LSP has become important in discussions with the ministry mare of moral. Her understanding of her "sense" has made her convinced that anyone with a similar ability should be added to her staff immediately. Before this review, the ministry mare hired her sister Maudileena Daisy Pie as an investigative officer. The Maudileena, known as Maud, demonstrated the extent of the extra-sensory abilities of her family to several MoM Scientists.
As a Scientist herself, she was far more reliable in such testing then the Mare. Subject report and Personnel file attached.

[Doctor] Subject has been identified as Maudileena Daisy Pie, hereby referred to as Maud. The subject has agreed to participate in tests regarding her apparent precognition abilities, as described by the ministry mare. Subject, please report to the testing chamber, and record any precognition experiences.
[Maud] Of course doctor.
[Doctor] Let it be known that the subject has taken her place in the testing chamber, and that the tests have begun.

[Maud] Tastes like granite, something is going to fa-

These tests proceeded as dictated for several hours, each time the subject described a sensation of tasting a certain type of stone, responding to the precognition. Based on reports from the ministry mare, it appears that this sense may be different for different subjects, causing a sensation that relates to the precognition at Hoof. More tests scheduled.

Limited Sensory Precognition,LSP, is here by defined as an earth-pony ability, internally known as their "sense". This sensation may come in differently to different ponies, but will cause them to sense small incidents in the near future. It appears that LSP naturally comes with other abilities, most of which seem mildly unique to the ponies who have them. More resurch is needed.

Personel File of Maud

Name: Maudileena Daisy Pie
Previous Occupation: Rock Farmer, Doctorate in Geology.
Position: MoM head Researcher

Unique Abilities:
Maud Sense - The ability to sense the location of specific types of objects, short term events, and the mineral content of objects through a taste sensation.

Background: The sister of the ministry mare of Morale, Maud gained a doctorate in geology in the year 1003. In the mean time she has done resurch on several subjects, mostly relating to rocks, including being able to help the ministry of arcane science in finding the right gems for magical Matrices. These Matrices have been since used in most Magical Energy Weapons, and her work in the MoM is publicly known as being an extension of this work.

After MoM study of LSP began, she eventually coined the term and became the head of resurch and development for LSP, as well as continuing side projects relating to her interests. The Doctor has become an invaluable member of MoM staff.

Addendum by Officer Sourpuss

3/12/1205

Hi there. You're probably wondering why I sent you this file. Or maybe your wondering why I'm adding an addendum to a two hundred year old document that was out of date years before the bombs fell. Well, there are some things that you people need to know about. So, as the active director of the Ministry of Morale, I have decided to declassify everything. But be warned, you might not like the history you see.

My name is Sourpuss. Before the war I was just another pony with no job, no life, just a grump with an intermittent editorial in the paper. Honestly, I could have been glad for the war, because it was the first time Celestia had given me a purpose. You might be wondering why I'm adding on to this old file now, because I have decided to add a bit of context to LSP.

LSP, Limited Sensory Precognition, is ability that was shared by only 10 or 20 ponies back before the war broke out. We didn't know about each-other, but we could sense when we walked near each other, and when the war happened Pinkie knew that there were certain ponies she needed on her staff. I became the second pony she recruited.

I was a member of the Special Division of the Ministry of Moral, presided over by the Ministry Mare herself. That's really what we were called, the Special Division... Pinkie wasn't exactly the most intelligent of ponies if I'm being honest. Each of us had our own outer ranks, and I was known as just the asshole who ran the Bucklyn office. And yet, our extra abilities made us special.

Pinkie decided that even though each of us had this shared ability, we should keep to a naming scheme her and her sister had invented years ago. So my abilities became known as Sour Sense. My 'specialization' was that I could sense how people hurt others. These mostly came in the form of a stabbing sensation in the back of my neck.

When I was a foal, my ability let me sense the malcontent of everyone around me. I would get the searing pain and I knew what people had done. Drug Dealers, Slum Lords, Foal Fiddlers. Every single one of them I could pick out of a crowd. Needless to say this caused me to become far less happy go lucky than the other ponies of my generation.

I mean can you fucking Imagine what it is like that back then I had to watch everypony live in this beautiful place and cause so much pain? How hard it was to, as a foal, know just how horrible somepony was but be unable to deal with it? The next file will contain several journal notes from when I was a foal, salvaged from the resurch labs that were trying to study LSP.

From there I will send several reports from when I was employed by the Ministry of Morale, followed by the reports I made after the bombs fell. I hope you all find it interesting.

Footnote
Sourpuss

S.P.E.C.I.A.L.
Strength - 4
Perception - 8
Endurance - 8
Charisma - 2
Intelligence - 6
Agility - 6
Luck - 8

Sour Sense: You have minor precognition, telling you about upcoming disasters and the way people hurt others. The extent of these abilities are unknown, be careful. Particularly traumatic experiences may be able to activate higher levels of LSP in you.

Chapter One: Journal of a Precog

11/14/994

It's my first day of school... I don't know how to write properly, but my teacher said to write from my heart and do it good. She said that it's really good to write a journal every day of my life. When I walked in my neck hurt... I don't know why. It used to hurt the same way around uncle Jimmie but he doesn't come around any more... I don't know why.

He used to give me big hugs, but mommy says he's at a hospital. I wounder why he's sick? Well, if he's not here then maybe I won't catch his sickness. Mommy doesn't want me to talk about him any more... I'll have to stop. Well, as long as long as I have enough stuff for my journal. Tomorrow should be better!

5/13/996

My teacher has been arrested for being a pedophile. The school says that it means she likes to give children big hugs. I asked mommy if that meant uncle Jimmy was one, but she refused to answer. Teacher never gave me a big hug. But the school says she liked to give hugs to little fillies. I think that's weird, I don't like fillies.

3/21/1000

I haven't written in this journal in months, but I just had to write down this experiance. The sun didn't come up this morning. It was horrible, it took hours for everything to be sorted out. My mom says that the legends of harmony, out of her old stories, saved us. I'm not sure I beleive her but something happened due to all of the darkness.

People were out of control all morning due to the darkness, I could feel it. I had to go to school, even with the panic, but... too much was happening that morning. I'm afraid I didn't make it to school. Instead, I sensed some pain... a deep, guttural, innocent pain. Of something being drowned.

I was foolish, I had to go and save whatever it was. My Neck hurt so much, so I ran down an ally under the Bucklyn Bridge. There was a skate park down there, and I knew to avoid it, but I ran down and ran into them. Three Pegasus colts, a little older than me, one blue, one red, and one brown. I couldn't tell much, but the brown one was holding a sack... so I ran and tackled him.

I was Surrounded, I couldn't help it, I was little and I wasn't nearly as strong as other earth-ponies. "Mamma said that she was deformed." The red Pegasus said, slamming a hoof at me as the cat ran away. "We've got to drown the damned thing." And he flapped his wings, advancing at me.

Foolish, I wasn't deterred, and I slammed into his jaw with an uppercut. He was hurt, but the other two slammed into me and pinned me, starting to slam into my back with their hooves. And I would be dead if it wasn't for that cat... Tartar. Tartar jumped on one of the pegasi pinning me, and scratched at his eyes until he relented. With that I was able to break the other's hold, and knock his nose off and... well run.

When I got home today I had to beg my mother to let me keep my new kitty, but she was skeptical. She said that the kitty looked a little funny, with that smooshed face, and that it was a big responsibility. But, she eventually relented... And you know why?! Because I got my cutiemark today! It's Tartar's face!

12/03/1003
I was walking around downtown today and I met someone... interesting. While I was trying to find things that were wrong, that is my job after all, this white fuckin' mare puts a flower in my hat. Yeah she makes me smile, but fuck, what do I care? The problem is that my neck felt tingly around them... At first I thought it was bad, but my neck didn't hurt like usual, it was more... pleasant then that.

Looking at them I found the reason... A pink pony with a wild mane. Hell if I know what to do about it, but she was staring at me with the same odd look on her face. She was sensing the same thing! It was really subtle, but I could see the twitch in her eye... It was the feeling of trying not to reveal what she knew.

I had to leave then, but after getting home I told Tartar about it... Tartar was ecstatic, or as ecstatic as she can get... I could read it off her, she wanted me to find this pony and find out more. I tried to go into town and find them, but they were gone. I went around the entire city to look and they were gone. I can't stand this, I couldn't find that pony.

05/23/1005

I was out today and I finally did it, I punished the evil in someone. I couldn't do it to anyone I knew, but the pain in my neck has been growing for years and I just couldn't stand it any more. I found one of the evils of my city and eliminated him. I really shouldn't be writing this down but... I can't help it. No one will care anyway.

I was outside one day and I walked down the street. Most ponies were horrible, horrible people... I could tell how much pain they caused, but there was one feeling I hadn't had since I was a foal... and that was the feeling of a fucking pedophile. Well, guess what I felt today when I went on the new subway up to Princesses. Another goddamn foal-touching asshole.

Of course, even though I trust my senses I had to be sure about this. I followed him home, this stallion, he was a big guy. He was way bigger than I was and I couldn't do much but follow from a distance. Honestly, he wasn't too bright, he lead me right to his home.

This guy's house was a shithole, a fucking pile of rotting planks still held together by rusty nails. One of those places you find in suburbs that haven't been touched for years. I snuck out back and listened to what was going on, this fucking asshole was slapping his lady upside the head. Immediately, I mean, come on. She was a grey unicorn with a big ass cig hanging out of her mouth at all times.

~~~

After a few hours I finally saw it, as the Mare's daughter came in. It wasn't the stallion's kid, and he clearly didn't give a shit about her. The first thing he did when she got home was order her to clean the kitchen, and sit back in his big ass fucking chair. The young unicorn did as she was told, but I could tell how scared she was. After that she walked into the living room, where her mother put her cig out in the foal's mane.

That was honestly the point where I had seen enough, I was about to bust in and grab the child when the stallion raged her by the hair and shoved her face in his lap. I... don't really remember what happened next, because I was seeing red, but after I came too I had a peice in my mouth and he was dead. Without a second thought I yelled at the foal to follow me, and I practically dragged her to a church of Celestia's orphanage. I left her there, without another look... I hope she forgives me.

5/13/1007
Zebra drugs. Zebra drugs are flowing into my fucking city. I think I've lost my mind, I've started to report on these drug problems. The tensions between the countries are getting bigger and bigger, and that means terf wars... I've seen dozens die for these fucking drugs. I wish I had a way to stop them.

I met a drug dealer today. Honestly, it goes without saying that he's dead right now. He was more than just a drug dealer, a pusher, a pimp... He was a pain in my fucking neck. They will send a new one soon, but I'll be ready. This time I'll make sure none of those dirty drugs, the kind that kill, come into my celestia-damn town.

Honestly, despite the government's ideas, I couldn't care less about drugs except for who they hurt. The pure stuff, Mintals and that, they weren't bad. It was the dirty stuff... cut with shit that will make your blood turn to gravy or your brain fucking stop working. That's the shit that I hate. There's a stallion, he wants to make and sell pure stuff... I think I'm going to let him.

11/06/1011
I was working with Whitemane today, he told me the batch was pure. Mintals, purest zebra shit, distilled... He was a damn fucking genius. I had to go to a party, sell the stuff... we needed the bits to help out the orphanage. After the ministries, the ministry of peace decided to take over all the orphanages... but here in Bucklyn, it seems like those benefactors haven't quite reached the poor shmuck on the street.

In any case, I went to a high profile party, under the Bridge. Hopping scene, a big old warehouse with nothing in it but the dance floor, and the perfect place to sell the blue stuff. I managed to get a good profit over the course of the night, even if I hated the fucking music and all that shit, and I knew that it would go to who needed it. But right as I was about to leave, having sold the last bit of product, I had a tingly feeling in my neck... a pleasent one.

It was that pink pony, I just knew it was, and running around I managed to find her. It was her, the candy-striping in her mane making it obvious to me... she was the ministry mare of moral. Without a second word she looked at me, and nodded outside, so I followed her. Before I knew it I was jumped and pulled into a sky-carriage. I was stuck without any escape as the pink mare walked in.

"So, it's you." She said, staring at me with oddly intense eyes. "You've been selling the advanced mintalls... your who we came here for." She bared her teeth. "I didn't expect this, but when I sensed you I knew... It had to be, but it was crazy." She seemed to be rambling on and I had to stop her.

"Ma'am." I said, simply. "I don't know what you think you know about me, but I'm an upstanding member of this city." She glared at me and stared me up and down, taking in my jacket and fadora.

"Cut the shit, I can sense it on you. It's all gone but I know it was you." She hmmed to herself. "But you have the sense too. I can't arrest you, get you to find us your supplier... no... something else will be in order." She was crazy, I could see it in her eyes. "Fine, your getting a job. If you refuse, your going to a ministry facility where bad ponies get hurt. Okay?" She looked happy at her decision.

"Well, I guess I can't refuse, but what's the job?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. There had to be a catch, if they wanted me to rat out White then they had another thing coming.

"Your going to become a high level agent in the ministry of moral, reporting to me." She still seemed ecstatic at her decision.

"What?!" I asked, incredulous. "That is insane. Miss Pie, I'm not a bad person but I am still a criminal. You want me to join the ranks of your super powerful ministry and all your operations?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

"Because your special!" She smiled and placed a hoof on my chest. "Your like me, like my sisters. And that means equestrian needs you. Screw your past, screw your priorities, as long as you can put the Ministry first I don't care." And with that she let me up. "In any case, your hired. Oh, and your friend with the Mintals, you have to arrange a meeting with him.

And that was it. I got out, went home, and talked to Whitemane. I couldn't do anything. From that moment on, I was a member of the ministry of moral.

Footnote!

Quest Perk Added:
Ministry Access grade A: You're a ministry stallion now! Great. That means you have alot of pull around here, and you can get alot of what you want. With your password you can access all terminals except the ministry mares', the princesses', and stabletech. Your so high level that most information is just yours for the taking!