Fallout Equestria: Lobotomized

by Artemiev

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Fluttershy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 5851

Buckshot, the Scourge of Aliens hoped he won't cross the Stars ever again... Fat chance of that.

Buckshot, the Scourge of Aliens hoped he won't cross the Stars ever again. But as a mysterious survey machine teleports him and his little gang of misfits to a top-secret research facility, he must face a crazed robot living in the past, and the fact that his arch enemies are still lurking out there. At least he wont get bored...
The sequel of the one-shot story "Probed", which didn't become any more serious than its predecessor. Maybe a little... But just a little.
/This fanfiction is based on Fallout Equestria by Kkat; a familiarity with the source material may aid your understanding.
You can read Fallout Equestria by Kkat on Equestria Daily
If you enjoy Fallout Equestria Side Stories you will want to check the Fallout Equestria Side Stories post on Equestria Daily and the Fallout Equestria Side Stories thread on Ponychan
The Ponychan group is also a hatching ground that you can join if you want to share your experience, writing or comments with us./

Published 2011-12-07 21:40:44 UTC
Last updated 2011-12-07 21:40:44 UTC

Fallout Equestria: Lobotomized

Lobotomized

“Why am I still wearing my skin?! That’s the most fucking retarded question I ever heard!”

“What IS this?” Stocker blurted out, while Buckshot just scratched his horn in confusion and sipped again from his levitated bottle of apple whiskey. The little team of raiders were standing on the edge of a crater. Not of a balefire missile that detonated hundreds of years ago, but of a pretty much recent event. It wasn’t big, but something robotic was extruding out from the bottom of it... And it still moved, and was twitching erratically. The raider buck turned to a young unicorn colt, who was staring at the downed machine in awe.

“Well, Brainiac...” the colt jumped as if he was just slapped out of a dream. “Might wanna enlighten us what’s that twitchy-twitch down there?”

“W-well, uh...” Brainiac glared at the thing for a few seconds before continuing. “I-i-i-it seems like a r-robot? A survey robot... Maybe?... B-but I haven’t seen a a r-r-r-obot like that before.”

The fourth raider, namely Grinder, a giant stallion of an earth pony, facehoofed. It wasn’t a good move as the Hellhound claws strapped on his forehooves almost poked out his eye... again. He was not a clever pony, but the gang wasn’t really keeping him around for his wisdom and insight. Nonetheless, he finished his dramatic cue, despite the new, slowly bleeding cuts on his cheek. “DUH, even me can tell that! Why we bring you, if I as smart?”

To everypony’s surprise, the little colt barked back with fierce vehemence. “You s-smart?! You’re as dumb a-a-as a pile of brahmin s-s-hit!

Grinder snorted and raised a forehoof threateningly. “I eat you, then carve you! Or... uh, carve you, then eat yo-”

“Both of you SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.” Buckshot roared, after he emptied his whiskey bottle and hurled it down the crater, scoring a hit on the twitching robot. “I heard enough of your goddess’ damned bickering on the way here, and if I hear another word from ANY of you besides “YES BUCKSHOT, WILL DO”, I’ll slice you to tiny little pieces and have you with FUCKING OATMEAL for DINNER tonight!

Both ponies fell silent, and glanced at Buckshot worriedly. Since his return from his extraterrestrial adventure, few raiders dared to tease him from the Gutstomper Gang. Most of them were sliced apart in a blink of an eye by the unicorn’s newfound alien weaponry. The Contact Rifles, that’s how Brainiac named them for some scientific reasons, were by far the deadliest guns the Gutstompers ever encountered. Add that Buckshot not just survived his abduction, but he even managed to crash down the alien ship, he become a prominent, and feared member of the gang. Thus, Bladethresher the Baws, started using him as a lieutenant, having him lead some minor raids and giving him tasks that mostly kept him out of her way. Such tasks like investigating a recent crashsite for loot.

However, Buckshot may have been insane, even by raider standards, but he was certainly not a foal. He quickly realized what was going on, and he didn’t like it at all. Sometimes he just wanted to go on a rampage and slice apart everypony, but he was aware he couldn’t take on the whole gang all by himself. So he gutted up, and followed Bladethresher’s orders. It was actually fun. Well, mostly, when he didn’t have to deal with a bunch of retards, like the ones the Baws sent with him on this mission... And he was out of apple whiskey.

“Now move your ass down there, tear that thing apart for scrap, and let be on our way.”

“B-but... B-but.”

“RAAAAAWR!!!” before Brainiac could have finished up his stuttering, he was bucked in the air, and was spiraling down the crater while screaming like a little filly. Surprisingly, before he reached the machine, it enveloped the colt in a sort of telekinetic field, and in a bright flash, he was gone. Not exploded in gore, not disintegrated to ash, he was just gone. Buckshot raised an eyebrow. “Huh, that’s odd...”

Suddenly, Grinder followed the colt’s trajectory, roaring madly, and as he almost landed near the machine, the result was the same. With another flash, Buckshot’s squad was downed to two members. When he cast his gaze on Stocker, the mare was about to gallop, but what the buck said relieved her.

“Stocker, take a letter!”

“What?! I don’t know how to write...”

“Oh, yeah... Whatever, get back to the camp, and bring some more ponies here.”

“Why? What will you do?”

His trademark maniac, excited grin appeared on Buckshot’s face. “I’m going IN!”

Before Stocker could have done anything, the raider buck jumped off the crater. He almost impacted to the bottom, but a levitation field caught him, and he felt a familiar sensation as a brilliant light took him to a faraway place...

***

“Ugh... my head... again.” the raider buck moaned, as he opened his eyes. He was lying on strangely familiar metallic bed, but this time, he wasn’t strapped. “Well, I hope this won’t become a habit...” he muttered as he jumped off the table. He felt dizzy, but it was evaporating fast as he stretched his legs.

There were two more beds in the painfully familiar steel room, Brainiac and Grinder were lying on them. That was it until Buckshot hit the waking bells.

“GET UP, RUNTS!” he bucked both beds, sending the raiders flying. “We don’t have time for beauty sleep. Damn, where are my guns...” he trotted around the small room, but he didn’t find anything at all, let alone his weapons. Grinder snapped out first. As he stood on all fours, he trotted to Buckshot.

“Uh, where we now, Boss?” he grunted perplexed.

“Fuck if I know... But we will find it out.” he glanced at the pneumatic door leading out of the place. “Pull yourself together, Brainiac, we might need you.” he barked to the wobbling little colt as he finally got up from the floor. The unicorn seemed to be in a lot worse shape than the bucks, yet Buckshot’s words made him stack up to the rest of the gang. “Well, lets move...”

As they trotted closer to the door, it opened with a hiss, revealing a long, blank grey corridor that lead upwards. The air was filled with the humming of distant machines. Buckshot lead his ponies confidently to the ramp, and as they trotted up, they emerged in a huge dome, filled with working machinery: computers, generators, monitors situated in a circular fashion... with a giant of a weird flying robot at the center. It reminded Buckshot of a glass vat strapped on a small engine, supplemented with a dozen robotic arms, ending in all sorts of tools, or weapons.

“R-right, I’m o-o-o-utta here...” Brainiac was about to flee back to the corridor, but Grinder bit him in the neck, holding him steadily. The robot turned one of its optical sensors at them. Buckshot noticed that there were three strange meatballs swimming and colliding with each other in the vat of... whatever it was filled with. It took him but a moment to realize those meatballs are brains.

“Ah, our little workforce woke up!” the robot spoke with an electronic buzz, and the vat was flickering slightly in the rythm of its words. “We were hoping it would be sooner, but your recovery could not be hastened! Call us Professors!”

“Recovery from WHAT?!” Buckshot had a bad feeling about that.

“Oh, of course, you don’t remember. You were asleep. Stupid us. All three of you were lobotomized.” the robot stated that as if it just said the “sky is gray”. Its answer caused a stir among the little gang.

“Oh-no-no-no-no... “Brainiac started panicking again, but Grinder spit him out to talk.

“Its talking FANCY, Boss!” he roared in frustration.

“We were what now?” the raider buck blurted out.

Professors stopped for a second, then floated over them. “Ah, you’re not the smart type, so we put this simple: we took out your brains from your little heads, and keep them safe somewhere in this facility. We installed Tailsla Coils in their place, so your thoughts are projected to your bodies from them.”

The three ponies fell silent, staring at the floating machine in confusion.

“But... why did you do that?” Buckshot finally asked the question everypony wanted to. It was the robot’s time to get confused.

“What do you mean, why? To make you smartypants do our every whim! If you do as we say, you’ll get your brain back!”

Another moment of awkward silence, and the bucks burst out of laugh, even the colt let out a meek giggle.

“Wow, you’re a fuckin’ amateur, aren’t ya?” Buckshot huffed delighted. “That seems kinda overcomplicated.”

“Wha... what?!” it was certainly not the reaction the robot expected from the ponies.

“You see...” the raider buck started trotting around. “If I wanna make somepony my bitch, I would put a bomb collar or something like that on them, and not starting threshing with their heads and pulling organs out... I usually leave that for torture, and killing.” he shrugged. “Anyways, this whole brain thing is pretty lame. So, uh, how about you give them back and we won’t murder you?”

“We’d like to see you try...” Professors crossed its many arms with confidence.

“Right. Buck this crap apart!” Buckshot ordered his ponies. But none of them moved. Not even him. “What the fuck...” He wanted to leap on the flying machine and shatter the glass vat with his hooves... but he just didn’t do it. He glanced at Grinder and Brainiac. Neither of them attacked. He didn’t expect much from the unicorn colt anyway, but Grinder’s hesitation confused him.

Seeing their inaction, the robot let out a victorious laugh. “It’s the suppression field emitter that envelopes this whole dome, our little smartypants. You won’t attack us, so you only have one option! During the last 215.15 years, we are running short on volunteer workforce, and neither the Ministry of Wartime Technologies, nor the Ministry of Arcane Science answers on any communication channel for our requests. Finish a few project of ours, and we will stuff your brains back and-”

“Ugh, fine!” Buckshot barked frustrated. “Just let’s get this over with, and quick!”

“That’s the spirit! Now, to maximize efficiency, each of you will conduct a different experiment simultaneously. Let’s get it started, shall we?”

Three arms ending in menacing metal barrels pointed each ponies, and started giving out a high-pitched humming.

Yup, Buckshot had a very familiar, and bad feeling about it. “I think I forgot something... Ah, yeah, where the fuck are my rifles?!”

When the arms finished charging up, bright-yellow magical energy erupted from them, hitting the raiders. The next moment, they vanished from the dome...

***

Buckshot slowly opened his eyes. No headache, which was a welcoming change in his series of blackouts. However, some other thing was off. He was staring at a blank steel wall through a darkened visor, which had a sort of heads up display. In short, he was wearing an enclosed helmet. In fact, he was wearing it with an enclosed suit. A crackled voice from an inner soundblaster stirred his puzzlement.

“Good, morning, little smartypants, Professors here! As you may have realized, you’re clad in full armor. A very special kind of one, if I may note. It is THE Experimental Mark VI Stealth Suit, supplemented with THE Experimental Mark XII Onboard A.I. Fluttershy-strain Adviser Unit!”

“Yeah, that’s fancy and all...” the raider grunted as he got up. “But where are my guns?!”

“Ah, those... We won’t even bother to ask how did a civilian got ahold of such a high value property. Be enough that they are confiscated, and will be tested thoroughly. Don’t fret however, the testing grounds will provide the necessary weaponry and other equipment. Now, for a start, say hello to your companion!”

A small flashing triangle icon appeared on the lower left corner of the visor, and after a low beep, a sweet, sheepish voice started talking.

/Um... Hello. This is the Fluttershy-strain Artificial Intelligence Adviser Unit, but you can call me Fluttershy, um, if you want... My task is to provide data and advise you, if... if that is ok to you, of course./

Buckshot somehow felt sugar in his mouth. “You’re kidding... You’re kidding, right?”

/N-nooo! I-I must! At least that’s what I’m being programmed to do. Please, I won’t bother much!/

“It’s not like I have much choice, now do I?” the raider frowned, then addressed his new employer. “All right, asshole, what should I do here?”

“Several test runs must be completed with the suit in order to be deemed fully completed and ready for streamline production.” Professors explained excitedly. “Fluttershy dear will guide you through your objectives. In fact, testing the A.I. is a an objective itself. Have fun!” with a buzz of static, the robot ceased communication.

/Uhm, let’s get started then, ok?/ the sweet voice asked the raider.

“Well, shoot.” Buckshot frowned. Of course he had no intention to play along for too long, just till he finds something he can shoot, or kill things with...

***

… He wasn’t getting any firearms, or any weapons in particular, but that didn’t stop him to cause mayhem. The test chamber was actually a maze of corridors and rooms, filled with partoling Robobrains, hidden detectors and automated low-magnitude magical energy turrets.

/Oh, no, no, this is not good! Please, this is not the combat trail!/ Fluttershy was desperately trying to stop the ravaging raider, but she would have sooner make a dragon stop snoring smoke. /We should sneak around them, and not attack them!/

“Buh? And where’s the fun in THAT?” the raider raised an eyebrow as he leaped on another Robobrain and smashed its brain vat with his helmeted head. Biofluids and meaty pieces splattered all over his visor again, but he was having too much fun to care about it. “On the note, these robots don’t even attack back, and those turrets...” he jumped off the decapitated chassis and cleared off his helmet with a hoof. “... pft, they tickle a bit, but nothing serious...”

/Because. This. Is. NOT. The. Combat. Trial!/ the A.I.’s timid voice become more frustrated as she was loosing patience.

“Well, duh, lead me to the combat trial then!”

/But... but... but we didn’t finish with the stealth trial!/

Buckshot glanced at his EFS (Fluttershy was kind enough to introduce him all the fancy icons and other characters that appeared on his visor). Finding no other contacts, his muzzle widened to a victorious grin. “I think we are pretty much done here...”

/Oh... uh... uhm, ok... Uploading navigation point to the combat trail entrance./

“That’s better. See, we work as a team now, mwhahahaha!”

The raider galloped through the halls and corridors, evading the marred remains of the many Robobrains and turrets he just destroyed. Finally, he reached the other end of the test chamber, a room similar he woke up after their meeting with Professors. There was a large monitor above the exit, which showed a huge, neon-green “Succession rate: 0%” text.

“What is it saying?” Buckshot tried to pick out the meaning of it, but when he realized he can’t read, he telekinetically hurled a steel chair laying around to the monitor, smashing it apart.

/Oooh, this is a bad rating.../ Fluttershy moaned. /If you would just listened to me-/

“Then we would be still ducking behind a table like little fillies. Yes, I remember you advised that too.” the raider frowned, as he trotted through the exit.

***

“Well, this will be a lot more fun!” Buckshot grinned as he had a look around of the chamber. Various, never-before-seen weapons were placed on tables and cabinets in front of the shooting range.

“Let me guess, we have to shoot things here?”

/Uhm, yes, I thi-/ a buzz of static interrupted Fluttershy.

“Hello there, my little smartypants! We just received the result of the stealth trial, and we must say we are NOT pleased. Bad smartypants, bad!”

The raider shrugged, as he trotted to the closest weapon cabinet and inspected the enormous barrel of the hanging gun. For his delight, the design reminded him of a shotgun. “What can I say, that trial was ass boring...” he raised an eyebrow as he noticed a small vat at the end of the weapon with al brain swimming in it.

“These scientific trials ARE NOT FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, CIVILIAN! These tests, and the equipment produced by them contribute to the war effort! Since we are utterly unsatisfied by your performance so far, we decided to... “add” a tiny bit to the difficulty of the combat trial!”

/Oh, no, I hope they are not refering to-/

“UNLEASH THE ROBO-MANTICORES!”

For Buckshot’s amusement, the target dummies at the far side of the shooting range turned down and hidden doors opened behind them. From the darkness, red glowing eyes lashed out, and with mechanical growl, rainbow-colored robotic variants of the infamous manticores emerged. Their scorpion tails glowed with a faint light, and were all pointing at the lone raider.

“Right, now I just take this gun...” he murmured as he noticed the robo-manticores started charging down the shooting range.

/Please, hurry! These are not nice, friendly manticores!/

“There ARE manticores like that?” the raider frowned. The robots were halfway through the range when he finally managed to hook the giant gun on his armor.

/New module detected: Puppy-Strain Auto Flak Cannon. Installing module OS... Installation complete!/

A small reticule appeared on Buckshot’s visor, with an ammo counter and a range meter at each side of the crosshair “Finally something usefu-” he snickered when something made him twitch.

“Woof?!”

/Oh, it’s just the doggy who’s brain was integrated to the weapon for fire control tasks. Isn’t he adorable?/

Instead of unleashing hell upon the closing robo-manticores, Buckshot just stared at them paralyzed. Of course it wasn’t because of the impeding onslaught, but of a tragic, yet sweet childhood memory that surfaced with the dog’s bark.

“Dogmeat?... Is that you?” he muttered.

/Eeeep!/

The first manticore almost reached Buckshot, and with a leap it was in the air, ready to tresh the raider apart. The Flak Cannon came alive however, and the robot was torn apart in a whirlwind of shrapnels. The shooting snapped the dazed buck.

“Oh Dogmeat, I’m so happy to have you back! No one will blow you brains out ever again!” with a maniac snarl he covered the rushing robo-manticores in a cloud of deadly-sharp splinter.

/Phef... Please don’t make it this short next time?/ the A.I. timidly asked the raider, but he was too busy patting the cannon on his battle saddle.

“Who’s the good doggy cannon, YOU’RE the good doggy cannon!”

/Uhm, shouldn’t we attend the combat trial? If it’s ok?.../

“Nope.” Buckshot glanced at the far side of the range, at the open gates where the robo-manticores came from. “Playtime’s over. Now that we have here Dogmeat, nothing can stop us! We gotta find my ponies, stuff our brains back, and get outa here...”

/Stuff your brains back?.../ Fluttershy seemed perplexed. /You mean?.../

“Yes, appearently that robo-asshole lobotomized me and my mates, and took our brains somewhere.”

/That’s... that’s HORRIBLE! Nopony should do something like that, NOPONY!/ the A.I. raged which surprised Buckshot. /We MUST make him sorry for what he’s done!/

“Yeah, something like that...” the raider snickered. “So, you’ll be a bit more cooperative now?”

/But of course. I upload a navigation point that leads us out of the testing facility./

A small triangle appeared on Buckshot’s visor again, pointing where he expected an exit out of the shooting: the robo-manticores’ storage chamber. More faint lights flickered in the dark and he could hear the electronic howls of the mechanical beasts powering up.

“Brace yourselves, Flutty and Doggy, we’re going in!”

/Yaaay!/

They all whooped in enthusiasm as Buckshot darted out in a gallop towards the emerging flood of robo-manticores...

***

“I regret to say but I must disagree. The warmth is perfect and the milk adjusted with just the necessary percentage.”

“Yes, well, lets compound on that this question is a matter of taste, and not worthy of further debating. How about some cherry cake?”

“Oh, how lovely, you remember my favourite flavour?”

“Why of course, my dear mate. Of cours-”

The tea party was brutally interrupted when half of the test chamber’s metal door was torn off by a violent explosion, and through the gaping hole, robo-scorpion parts rained, with a certain, fully-armored unicorn buck trotting in. The armor saw better days, but it’s reflection panels were still shimmered, mimicking its surroundings. The giant Flak Cannon’s barrel smothered.

Buckshot had a quick look around the small chamber. Grinder and Brainiac were sitting at a small party table, with teacups in their hooves. Strange glowing balls orbited their heads, and they were both perplexed and shocked of their boss’ arrival.

“What’s the commotion?!” Grinder blurted out first in a voice far more intelligent anypony ever heard from him.

“What. The. FUCK?!” the raider buck roared. “I’m fighting hordes of fuckin’ robots, while you two idiots are slurping TEA? HOW THE HELL can you even HOLD a tea cup?!”

“Now, now, there’s no need for harsh words, my good leader.” the giant earth pony held a hoof defensively.

Buckshot’s rage dissipated, his jaw dropped (not literally of course, since he was wearing a closed helmet), and as he made through his first shock, he trotted closer.

“Grinder, what the hay is with you? You normally can’t burp out a complete sentence.”

Brainiac shot up from his seat and leaped between the two ponies.

“Why that... was rude, at best!” he whined dismissively.

“Yes, I’m quite offended by your unnecessary coarseness!” Grinder added in a hilariously offended, yet shy voice.

/Connecting to Big Crater Network... Downloading ongoing project data... As soon as I find something, I let you know!/

“I do hope a cup of tea will smooth your nerves, commander.” Brainiac levitated a teacup at front of the raider.

“Do enlighten me, dear, and FAST...” Buckshot grunted and tossed the steaming drink from its levitation field.

“How about some cake, then?” Grinder held up a slice of moist pastry.

“FLUTTY!” the buck roared.

/Oh, uhm, I got it, I think... Those circling orbs are the proxy sensors for the Fancy Pants-Accentuators, they stimulate brainwork and manners an-/

“Fuck cares, how do we turn them off?!/

Fluttershy frowned /Just tip them off their orbit.../

“Right!”

Hooves clad in metal did their work again: both ponies hit the wall with a loud bang. The small orbs rolled somewhere under the small table.

“Ugh, boss? Whut... Whut’s going on?” Grinder derped as he pulled himself together.

“Huh, never thought I’ll miss you brainless idiot.” Buckshot grinned. “Fetch Brainiac, we gotta gun down that robotic maniac...”

The earth pony grabbed the small colt with his teeth and hurled him on his back, when the unicorn snapped. “B-b-but the sup-p-p-pression field! I-i-it’s still up!”

The raider frowned, and narrowed his eyes. “Right, that damn thing... Wait... Flutty, can you do something about it?”

The A.I.’s sheepish voice turned to peevish /I COULD, but you’re not being a nice pony with me so far!/

“For the love of...” Buckshot frowned. “We really don’t have time for this, you know!”

Another one joined the conversation, one the raider expected the least.

“Dogmeat?...”

“But... but... aw, all right, all right!...” the raider took a deep breath. “Look, Flutty... I know I’m a dick sometimes...”

“Ok, most of the time...”

“FINE, I’m a complete asshole, but I can’t help it! I’m a raider after all, and stuff... My point is that I’m... sorry, and I promise I won’t be so harsh on you, ok?”

Awkward silence fell on them for a few seconds, before Fluttershy answered happily. /Now, that’s better. Yes, I can hack into the network to disable that bad, bad suppression field.”

“Be so dear, and do it. And you two, pull your shit together! We gonna visit that thin can...”

***

Fluttershy led the reunited band of raiders back to the Dome, where their employer seemed busy on something that was painfully familiar for Buckshot. At the far corner of the entrance, there was a giant magi-stasis capsule, presumably where Professors used to reside, but in that moment, it was occupied by a bipedal, red-black painted, armored hulking creature. Its elongated head and three red-lensed eyes were almost identical to the battlemech Buckshot survived in his orbital free fall not too long ago. It was a lot smaller however, similar in size to their hovering employer, had only two legs instead of three, and its arms ended in a single gun barrel. As the team rushed in, Professors fixated its optical sensors on them.

“Well if it isn’t our little smartypants who RUINED ALL OUR PROJECTS!”

“Hi, boss!” the buck greeted it with a hoofwave. “It seems our paychecks got lost somewhere, our families are starving now, so we organized a little strike to change your attitude towards workforce management...”

“You insolent... If our new finding wouldn’t kept us busy...” the robot pointed an arm at the creature. “... we would have vivisected apart the lot of you!”

Buckshot stepped forward, aimed his Flak Cannon at them, while he had a closer look at the “finding”.

“Where... did you got this?” he asked slowly.

“One of our survey probes teleported it to the complex. It seems there are more of them roaming around... a lot more.” it added absently. “Nevermind, it’s none of your business, civilian! And there’s the matter of all the state property you wrecked, and have to-”

Suddenly. the robot went flying through the dome, and crashed to a console. The creature’s eyes were glowing as it stepped out of the capsule. It’s massive contact cannons fixated on the raiders.

/Meep! Do something, do something!/

“Spread out!” Buckshot ordered, and the three ponies darted out just in time. Brilliant-blue coherent beams lashed out and sliced apart the metal ramp and equipment in its path. Brainiac dashed erratically, hurling debris at the alien, Grinder howled in fury and charged towards it, while Buckshot halted, aimed Doggy, and opened fire.

The thick cloud of shrapnels punched out the creature from its balance, but ripped off little from its thick armor. It was enough for Grinder to buck it off from its feet. The alien slammed to the ground with a metallic thud, the earth pony rushed it and started beating it with his bare hooves. It went well for a few seconds, till the creature swept off the pony, and slammed him flat with a single bash of its arm cannon.

Blood splattered all over the surroundings, but neither the alien, nor the raiders froze. The creature quickly got back on its feet, and turned its attention to the unicorn colt.

“Brainiac, DUCK!” Buckshot screamed, but it was already too late. The twin contact beams sliced the colt in half as he leaped to cover. The raider kept firing to strand his enemy, but suddenly, the Cannon went silent.

“Aw crap...” he frowned as he dashed behind a generator. “Out of ammo... Out of cannon fodder... This doesn’t look good.”

Mentally, he prepared to face the alien in a final charge when magical energy beams lashed out from nowhere, starting to cut it apart.

“Vivisectors online. This will only sting... FOREVER!” Professors hovered closer, and slowly sliced off the creature’s arms, legs, and its head. The glow from its eyes died out as it fell apart. What made Buckshot puzzled is that red fluids leaked from the severed parts... As he trotted closer, he noticed the meaty stuff that bled inside the metallic cover.

/Is... is that blood? Oh dear, oh dear... And your friends are... dead.../ Fluttershy muttered in shock.

The robot continued the vivisection, opening up the torso. Both to their disgust, a hairless, naked alien resided inside the armor, its insides turned out from the work of the vivisectors.

“In the name of the princesses, what is this thing?!” Professors murmurred in horror.

“That is an alien, smartass... And if what you said is true, there are a lot more of them roaming outside...” he turned his gaze away from the torn creature. “Stuff my brain back, and let me out of here!”

“We, uh...”

“Hey, HEY! Listen to me, smartypants. Someone needs to warn the ponies out there, and I’m the only one who’s left. Ya know, that national security thingy is important for you, right?”

“Yes, but...”

“Then do it!”

The robot hesitated for a while, but in the end, it raised an arm at him. “Fine, agreed. Prepare to be sedated!”

Familiar humming voice warned Buckshot that he is about to black-out again, which made him frown.

“Ugh, not again...”

***

Desmond blinked. Again. And again... He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing on the monitor.

“This must be a joke. A big mistake, or something...” he muttered as he looked up from the console. The other officers’ looks in the small, cramped, circular bridge was just as perplexed as his. There were three of them, with Desmond being responsible for communications.

“There’s probably an explanation for all this.” Jamie, the fire control officer said while he was shutting down his own work station. “But if all this is true, it’s just amusing...”

“Hilarious, more likely.” whinnied Nikolay, the navigator of the ship. “But I wonder what does all this have to do with us?” His question was poetic at best.

“I can tell.” a voice from the entrance made all the officers jump.

“Captain on the bridge!” Desmond ordered, and everyone saluted to the arrival. The captain was wearing the usual grey, simple outfit of the Chimeran Navy almost identical to his subordinates’. His eyes glimmered like every chimeran’s in the dark room, lit only by low-blue light that didn’t hurt their sensitive sight. Pure humans wouldn’t be able to see almost anything in this environment.

“At ease.” he rendered the salutes, and as he made his way to the central console, everyone took their seats. The captain, namely Dreadnought-Captain Marrick Tristan took a deep breath before he began the briefing.

“I take it you all had a look at what little data the Council just sent to us.” confirming nods made him continue. “To be honest, not even the higher-ups know what the hell is this. So, here’s the big picture, what we gathered from the emergency signal: a Confederate troopship, named Subotica shocked into an uncharted start system, presumably to make a shortcut to their destination. Ship logs state it was carrying some sort of classified cargo. They picked up an energy signal from an artificial solar object orbiting a single-moon planet, so they modified their escape-course to investigate. Now’s the fun part... What they found seemed to be orbital railcannons.”

“Uh, the system was uncharted, right, captain?” Nikolay asked.

“Yeah, and the Council confirmed that no satellites, probes, or any other tech was launched there by our Navy, or any other armed forces of the Monarcy. The nereids reported the same, and with their advanced weaponry, I don’t think they would tamper with railguns anyway.”

“True enough...” the fire control officer snickered.

“The interesting part is that the railcannons were facing the surface of the planet. This concludes that whoever built them, they were more likely meant it to be space-to-surface weapons than orbital defense assets. The staff of the Subotica decided they launch a dropship on a recon mission. And those idiots brought aboard an alien lifeform. You know the rest.”

Desmond had another look on his monitor. A four-legged, black furred equine was snarling back at him after it finished off two Confederate guards with their own weapons. The creature was able to levitate objects, which, Desmond assumed, points to psychic powers.

This whole thing was messed up and exciting in the same time. So far, humans were alone in the universe. They never met any real aliens in the classic term. There were times however that they though they did: approximately five hundred years ago expeditions were set out from Earth to colonize new planets. These expeditions were also the testbed of an enormous experiment. Terraforming was still a technology out of humanity’s reach, so the Corporates, who funded the project, thought: if they cannot make a planet perfectly hospitable for human life, lets make the humans just as harsh as the planets! The answer was the Accelerated Evolution Virulant. It was a bioengineered agent that recoded the DNA of the injected human’s reproduction system to change the physique of the next generation to adjust to their environment . The newborn humans possessed physical attributes way more suitable for their surroundings than the original colonists. That was the plan at least...

The AEV was successful on a number of colonies. Most of them however were disasters, and ended in many horrific ways. The Corporates deemed the project a failure, and left the remaining working colonies to fend for themselves. That’s how breeds of genetically mutated human factions, such as the Chimeran Monarcy, the Nereid Consulate or the Clorwions rose to power. Some races were more distant from their ancestors, some were relatively lookalike, but in the end, they were all humans...

Since the Corporates managed to destroy all evidence of their failed experiments, the first contacts between the isolated colonies and Earth were rather... weird at best, and a lot of them ended up in armed conflicts. That was a hundred years ago, and now the Habitated Regions are relatively peaceful, apart from the usual Earth Confederate aggression on smaller factions and the rise of pirate fleets.

This case, however, was not another remnant of the AEV project. That thing that made the Subotica to crash was something no one has seen before. And these creatures were building railguns in space. Though according from the logs of the Subotica, the satellites were badly damaged, and the weapons inoperable, but still, they were clearly sentient... and aggressive enough to be considered a threat.

“You all guessed by now what the Council want from us.” Marrick concluded his speech. “We are to shock to this system, investigate the troopship, its cargo, and these aliens... Any questions?”

“Just one, captain.” Nikolay grinned. “When do we leave?...”

Archived perks:

(Un)Lucky Basterd: No one’s really sure how the hell are you still alive. Maybe both goddesses watch over you, but surviving the most deadly stellar creatures and looting the most sophisticated ponycraft equipment is everyday routine for you. You gain +2 to your Luck!... Of course, not everypony stumbles upon bloodthirsty aliens who constantly try to abduct you, stuff things in your butt, and kill you... You gain -1 to your Luck, hah!