The Festival of the Dead

Chapter 2: The M.U.B.

The dining hall was quickly reaching the epitome of silence. Everyone present was dealing with their minds going at mile-a-minute over various matters. Celestia, Luna, and Twilight were all confused over the sudden correspondence from a land that, until now apparently, had never had interaction with their world. A decent number of ponies knew of the entrance to Tartarus, but the gate had never opened throughout the entirety of the immortal sister's reign. Rainbow Dash was thinking of all the stories they would write about her if she was the one who beat the god of quills or whatever, in all honesty she had not paid too much attention to the letter. Rarity was considering the possibility of charming her way to safety, along with her friends, of course. Fluttershy was gripping the table hard enough to cause cracks to slowly stem outward.

Pinkie decided to break the silence by announcing her findings in a much quieter tone than usual. "So they're coming here to... host... a giant..." Nobody was quite sure where Pinkie went after her eyes inflated to the size of beach balls. One second she was there and then... nothing. No noise, no poof, not even some trail to show where she went... just... no Pinkie.

"She'll be fine." stated Rainbow, though not directly to anybody in the room.

"So let's keep this as simple as possible!" Shouted a demon over the small room full of other minor deities and other underworld beings. "The ponies are peaceful, colorful, lack any suitable response to conflict, and are basically sentient marshmallows. That being said, try not to intimidate any of them, even if they ask for it! We can't go starting riots and suddenly flooding this place with souls that might squeal, we all now where that leads." The shouting underling was met with murmured agreement, nobody was planning on wasting this trip and they knew that there would be no chance of them going on another one if they were the one who slipped up. "Now then, we need a good way to make an impression on the rulers, any suggestions?"

"Why not establish diplomatic ties?"

"Diplomatic mission...from the dominion of hell... yeah next!"

"Let's just sneak in and start setting up and let them come to us."

"Nah, would look way to much like we were setting up army tents or something, they would just think we wrote a bad lie in the letter."

One giggling demon in the back of the room ceased his continuous fit of laughter to voice his suggestion. "I suggest we send our greetings out with a musical accompaniment!" He immediately bent over yet again, once more enraptured in the hilarity that only he could perceive.

The room was silent for the first time since the meeting. Hesitantly, the underling spoke up. "Does anyone else have a suggestion... anyone... not even the actual diplomats have anything to add?" The room remained silent, all present silently grinning from becoming actually interested in the diplomatic aspects of a trip for once.

Celestia had finally restored the status quo to her castle, a job that was in no way assisted by her little sister running around yelling for people to prepare themselves but not stopping long enough to tell them from what. She sat herself back down onto her throne right next to a now sheepish Luna. The princess realized that getting the castle in order had used up most of their hour and she hadn't even thought about the possibility of actually indulging the strange message's request. She sighed inwardly as she tried to think of a location off the top of her head. Here in Canterlot? No there isn't enough room for how much they are asking. Appleloosa? Too far away from the meeting place for them to rationally consider. The Everfree? She stopped herself right there, if she were to suggest that they go to the middle of a dangerous forest it could send the entirely wrong message. She wished that she could order the elements to wait outside but she knew it was futile. More than likely they would counter her with some speech on friendship. It was charming, but still much too bothersome to try to stop them so instead they all sat, in silence.

Right as the silence was starting to become uncomfortable again, It started. The walls seemed to have their color recede, almost like the color wished to be anywhere other than this room. Unlike last time, all ponies present retained their own individual pigment. Even the apple Twilight had taken a bite out of moments ago turned a dull gray, the taste seemed to leave the apple to the point that the only indication of any food being present at all was the now-tasteless mass of gray in Twilight's mouth which she proceeded to spit out, it was like munching on pure fiber.

Once more, a portal opened in the castle, this one much larger than the last. It opened silently this time and... just stayed open. It wasn't shrinking, it wasn't making strange noises, it wasn't even trying to behead their princess via mail it just sat there... almost waiting.

Rainbow Dash was getting fed up with these portals, they seemed almost designed to specifically annoy her. They made the room boring, they ruined food, and, so far, have managed to interrupt her before she could vocalize her complaints. She was going to lay into the inanimate... thing and was just about to finish her first word when a much louder noise than last time cut her off.

The noise was eerie and reverberated across the room... drawing silence once again... at least until Rainbow spoke up, "UGHHHH I HATE THESE THINGS! THEY ALWAYS WAIT UNTIL I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! ARE THEY MADE TO HATE ME?!"

Twilight didn't know what to say, she had quite clearly just heard a whale of all things interrupt her friend. She didn't know what to say so she did the only thing that seemed right. She laughed. The room was full of laughter over their friend's plight. They were laughing for almost a full minute, their eyes wet with tears when they noticed something, someone else was laughing and it was most definitely male.

In the middle of the room stood the same laughing demon from before, he had donned his favorite hat and bow-tie combo and had a small scar near his right eye. He had very pale skin, nearly the same color as his shirt and slacks. His most notable feature, however, were his teeth. They were all abnormally long, big enough for his entire smile to show only his upper set of teeth, a feature that the ponies all had adequate time to take in since he was the only one left laughing in the room, seemingly undisturbed by the spectacle he was creating. After giggling in a strange voice that seemed to shift octaves the more he laughed, he calmed himself down enough to now only be silently snickering and bowed to the Princesses, addressing them in a much deeper voice than they expected with a simple, "Greetings and salutation, your majesties."

Celestia looked him over, taking in any features that could make him a threat. He was slim, almost unnaturally so, and 'white' was the only way to describe him at a glance. White face, white hair, white clothes excluding his hat and vest, the only thing that broke the pattern was the unsettling color of his eyes, the parts that should have been white were yellow while the pupils were like red pinpricks, staring right at her with attention that his demeanor wouldn't have hinted at, she knew that look from the less peaceful races, he was looking at her like she was at him, but not for dangers, for weaknesses.

"I believe you received our letter?"

"Yes, are you the one called Andras?"

The demon once more erupted with laughter, calming himself quicker. "No, no, oh no I could never be Andras, we're much too different for me to be he." The slim man straightened his vest, making it even more crooked than it was before as he continued, "No my name is Avnas, lord of pain, discomfort, and uneasiness. I am also a decorated general, and overall great company." He finished his introduction with a grin, not difficult when he had also started his introduction with a grin.

"Tell me, lord of pain..." She stated his title with no small sense of distaste, "do you intend to harm my ponies?"

He replied almost instantly, "Do you intend to set all your land on fire today?"

Celestia was shocked, to say the least. "I would NEVER do something as horrible as-"

"Exactly, just because you are goddess of the Sun doesn't mean you go around setting things ablaze willy-nilly just as my job doesn't entail me going around kicking people in the knees." He finished with an expression that could at worst be considered slightly miffed but to most seemed like he was trying to avoid laughing at his own joke yet again.

"I suppose that is reasonable enough," Stated Twilight, wanting to get her own stake in the conversation with the... being. "but I still want to know... where are you from?" The man suddenly broke into a patented, true creepy demon smile, rotating to face the still-open portal behind him. Beckoning to the doorway as if it were a friend, shocked gasps came from the ponies as more figures came from the portal. These figures were different, they had no skin, no flesh, not even eyes. Probably the worst part was that they all knew the forms before them... they were the skeletons of ponies.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" Luna was completely enraged by the spectacle before her, the bodies of ponies being used by this monster angered her to no end. They were ponies with families at one point. They must have had loved ones, family, friends. She was about to charge the creature when her sister stopped her.

"Explain." Stated Celestia flatly.

"Oh it's actually quite simple," He gestured towards the five unicorn skeletons now completely out of the portal, waiting patiently for their next order. "These five volunteered to accompany me on this greeting so that they could continue doing what they loved in life. I think that's a fair request to make, in my opinion."

"And just what did they do in their lives, kidnap fillies and steal from ponies?" Asked an indignant Rainbow Dash.

"Nah, we were much worse." Stated one of the skeletons, much to the surprise of the cyan pegasus.

"Yeah, we were musicians." Quipped another unicorn, two-down from the first speaker. The musicians all started laughing at the expressions they had successfully plastered on the faces of the poor mares who fell for their joke.

"How can you not love 'em?" Stated Avnas with his arm draped over one of the musicians.

"What do you need musicians for?" Questioned Twilight.

"Why, to answer your question of course! Information is always absorbed better if it's entertaining, isn't it?"

"Well I guess so but you probably could have just said what I wanted to know by now."

"True, but then I would have had to lie to my cute friends here about their chance to play and as a lord of pain, I can get enough of that just by working. So basically what I'm saying is that it would have been against the very idea of a vacation to answer you like you wanted."

Twilight was at a loss for words towards the being who had basically only been talking to her to waste her time. "Just do whatever you are going to do." She waved a hoof at the infuriating toothpick before her.

"Gladly."

The second the word left his lips, the band started playing full-blast.

A Minotaur's my butler, a Cyclops my valet

A Centaur draws my chariot that takes me down the way

Through a river made of fire to a street that's paved with bones

I got a dozen zombie skeletons to walk me to my throne

In the Land of the Dead

Heck boy, ain't it grand?

I'm the Overlord of the Underworld

Cause I hold Horror's Hand

In the Land of the Dead

I'm dark-side royalty

I'm foreign out in the underground

And you can't take that from me

He surprised the girls once again by having the skeleton band members sing backup. An eerie effect considering the fact that they couldn't see which band member's mouths were moving.

Whoa! (whoa) Whoa! (whoa) Whoa! (whoa)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Cerberus my lap dog is loyal as can be

My bed is made of skulls; I'm in the lap of luxury

I've got a Dragon's Blood jacuzzi; the Gorgons think it's cool

And a seven-headed Hydra livin' in my swimmin' pool

In the Land of the Dead

Heck boy, ain't it grand?

I'm the Overlord of the Underworld

Cause I hold Horror's Hand

In the Land of the Dead

I'm dark-side royalty

I'm foreign out in the underground

And you can't take that away from me

No you can't take that from me

The mares all gave a polite applause to the band. Smiling at the surprisingly enjoyable, if not a little dark, experience.

"Thank you, you've all been wonderful. This has been the M.U.B. the mostly-unicorn-band-with-that-one-lanky-guy!" The band all gave a mock-salute, exiting through the portal again.

Avnas rebalanced himself, having been jumping all over the room doing tricks for the entirety of the song while still singing clearly. "So basically, the land you call Tartarus is the land of the dead. Who knew, right?"

"I had suspected something similar for quite some time." Celestia stated simply, having her sister nod in agreement. "I must say that I was quite a bit more surprised that you were able to stay on task long enough to both acquire and practice a fitting song." This statement was met with giggles around the table.

"Did I just hear the princess tell a joke of all things?" Avnas wailed in mock distress, quickly switching to tears of joy, "I was starting to think you were never going to like me!" More giggles from around the table. "Well at least I got you all to warm up to me before I have to head back." The girls seemed slightly crestfallen at this.

"Why are you leaving now of all times, darling? You just barely got here." Asked Rarity, pouting lip at full exposure.

"I was sent first so that I could butter you guys up before we had to send in the big stick-in-the-" *WHACK!*

"The lord of discomfort should know when his time is up." Stated the being standing over the halfway-lucid demon.

The girls looked with horror at the man who had basically brained their entertaining new friend, particularly Fluttershy who had taken a liking to the energetic entertainer. She was turning red, absolutely furious at the demon who had attacked Avnas with his back turned. He was slightly shorter than Avnas but much broader. Unlike Avnas, he seemed to strive to make his figure as imposing as possible. His skin was a much deeper, tan color and his hair was a very strange shade of either brown or black, it seemed to be constantly trying to make up it's own mind on what it wanted to be that day. He had spoken in a very low growl towards the now-snoozing trickster, clearly showing his distaste towards the joker. This only served to stoke the fire building within Fluttershy. Celestia saw the situation looming over the horizon and wanted to be the first to speak before any of the elements could escalate the situation. "Please explain why you saw it fitting to incapacitate Avnas, he hadn't done anything wrong besides perhaps trying to scare us a few times."

The man continued looking at the body at his feet before speaking up, his voice easily on par with the royal Canterlot, "AVNAS, COME OUT OF HIDING, YOUR TIME IS UP! YOU WILL HEAD. BACK. NOW." As if on cue, the body disappeared from his feet with a light *puff*.

"You are simply unable to have enjoyment along with me aren't you?" Quipped Avnas from behind Celestia's seat, nearly giving the ruler a heart-attack in the process.

"How... did..."

"I did it during the song." He said simply, as if that was even close to explaining what he had done.

"Avnas..." Growled a voice low enough that it could have been mistaken for an unbelievably angry rock-slide, "You will leave right now or I will drag you back and personally make go through all the circles of hell."

Needing no further encouragement, the grown man skipped across the hall towards the portal, stopping only briefly as if remembering something. He slowly turned towards Rainbow Dash and said, "I almost forgot! You said that you hated the portals because they always seemed to interrupt you before you had anything to say, right?"

The pegasus was confused for a moment before remembering her annoyance earlier. "Yeah, what abo-"

Avnas crept towards the portal right before yelling, "Yeahthatwasactuallymehahahahahabye!"

Everything was quiet as Rainbow Dash slowly worked out what he had said, right before shouting, "Oh that jerk is going to pay the next time I get near him. He is going to die!" Once again laughter rang through the hall at the antics of their new acquaintance, as it turned out, he actually was pretty good company for someone with his title. The new guest did not share in their laughter and instead waited for them to finish before making his requests.

Author Notes: Yeah, yeah I know, I used a reference or two, it was just too good to pass up. More serious chapter coming up, if anyone can think of an interesting song to work into the story, I would be interested in the challenge. I also didn't notice that I had accidentally doubled the length of this chapter from it's plan. What can I say, it is simply too much fun to write about tricksters.