Punchdrunk Promenade

Chapters

Direct Description Demonstration
Dazzling Debit Decimation
Daring Dancing Declaration
Drink Debacle Devastation
Dress Destruction Detonation

Direct Description Demonstration

“Mmm,” the blonde maned, cream colored pegasus mare hummed after she swallowed another bite of delicious hay burger. “This is so good. Thank you again for lunch Shoreline!” she said to her good friend sitting across the table from her in Ponyville’s most popular fast food establishment. She was another pegasus mare, her coat a similar shade while her mane and tail were both a much differing blue color. Her mane was done up in a distinct mohawk cut the likes of which one didn’t often see around town, making her easy to spot in a crowd. Curiously, her hooves and feathers were both a darker brown shade, making them stand out starkly against her coat.

“No problem, ‘bout time we hung out. I haven’t even seen you around town for a good two weeks,” her friend replied.

“So what have you been up to?” Poppy asked before grabbing a couple horseshoe fries.

“Eh, the usual napping and getting paid for it,” Shoreline answered with a smirk before they both indulged in a small chuckle. “You?”

“Oh, well commissions have been a bit slow this month, but I’ve been managing okay. They’re opening up a new wing of Ponyville General soon. They’ll probably want some artwork for that, so I’m not too worried,” she assured her with a confident nod.

“Huh, so you don’t have much to do... but I don’t see you out and about around town. That doesn’t sound like you, especially with how often you used to go out on the town just last year,” Shoreline pondered.

“Yeah, I know. I've been spending time with my boy toy, and recently he’s been occupied with his new book, so I’ve been staying home helping him out with things while he works,” she explained before taking a much needed sip of soda to counter the salt all over her fries.

"Yeah... I figured it was something like that,” she said with a disdainful roll of the eyes.

“What’s that tone about?” Poppy asked, her head tilting.

“Eh, don’t worry. So you’re bored out of your mind huh?”

“Uh… yeah, kinda… there are only so many books to read at home and all,” she admitted with a wistful sigh.

“Well then I have some good news. I hear the annual Pony Prom is going down this weekend, with DJ-PON3 handling the music to boot! Bit of a stuffy gig for her but I can’t imagine she’s going to let them cramp her style too much. Should be fun, you ought to go!” Shoreline suggested before taking a bite of her own burger.

“Ooh, I don’t think I’ve been to that yet! I’ve always heard from ponies who've gone, and they always said they had a good time though!” she said with sudden enthusiasm. But then the glow in her face faded a bit as worry intruded on her mind.

“Except that… ?”

“Except that Chappy’s still really busy… and he’s not much for social events. I don’t think he’d want to cut into his schedule and go to something that would stress him out like that,” Poppy explained looking a bit crestfallen.

"So go with another stallion that isn’t so lame,” Shoreline casually suggested just prior to taking another bite of food.

“What? I couldn’t go with somepony else, Chappy would be crushed! I can’t do that to him,” Poppy countered with just ever so slightly insufficient conviction to put her friend off of pursuing the subject. As such, the mohawked mare spent a silent few moments chewing, and then swallowed before resuming the conversation with an air of cool confidence.

“Poppy, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything for you, so I think you’re well within your rights to do something to him. You’re only going to live so long, and I care about you a lot, so I think it’s my duty to remind you that you need to look out for number one a little more than you are right now,” she explained quite plainly.

"That is so not how relationships work Shore,” Poppy disagreed with a shake of her head.

"Sure it is. Stallions and mares do it to each other all the time, so you doing it to Chappy to correct his behavior is fair game. You need to remind him that you aren’t there just for his benefit, and that he should step it up because there’s still plenty of far, far superior stallions out there that would be perfectly willing to take you on the time of your life if he won’t.”

"It’s not that he won’t Shoreline, it’s that he’s just kind of busy right now… and… most of the time." Her determination floundered further as she found herself examining the floor tiling off to their left.

“Oh you're right that's completely different from what I said was happening," Shoreline snarked with a smirk.

“Fine, but so what if he’s kind of boring? He’s still a wonderful boyfriend,” Poppy asked, coming back on the defensive.

“A boyfriend who needed to ask your best friend about something he should’ve known about you already. Remember that little note game you played with him a while back?”

“Yes, and he told me about that. The way I wrote that note could’ve meant any number of things-”

“Aw horseapples," Shoreline interrupted. "A stallion should know a mare well enough to know what she means when she says something. You need to get a stallion that isn’t all words and no pony,” she added before taking another sip of soda.

“Shoreline… can we just talk about something else please?” Poppy pleaded, her voice a mix of frustration and defeat.

“Fine by me, I said my part. So what’s your newest project anyway?”

———

Poppy sat on the couch in their living room, flipping to the last page on the latest book she’d finished. The house was completely quiet save for the scratch of quill on paper in the other room and the gentle hum of the small magic aura that kept it in motion as the author penned another rough draft. She fidgeted in place a bit, every bit as bored as her less tactful friend had suggested she was that afternoon. At that point she had two options, either she could pick up the next book of the series and leave the problem unresolved, or risk a bit of tension and interrupt her boyfriend’s work.

…

She set the book down and then trotted into the other room, waiting a moment so as not to startle the grey unicorn into leaving an accidental blot of ink all over the page with the crack of a broken quill tip. “Um… Chappy?”

“Hrm?” His quill stopped in midair and waited as he looked over his shoulder at her from his spot seated at his writing table.

“The Pony Prom is this weekend, and I want to go,” she stated right off the bat.

The quill being held in the air lost its aura and dropped to the table with a soft clink as her boyfriend’s eyes widened slightly. “…Oh.”

“It’s just a more fancy version of a dance. You’ve been to proms before.”

…

“You’ve been to proms before right?” she inquired when he didn’t answer.

“Uh… does spending prom night playing Ogres & Oubliettes with the other colts who couldn’t find a date count as going to a prom?” he answered tentatively.

She frowned. “Obviously not.”

“Oh. Well then, I have never been to a prom... or a dance... or any social event of consequence... ever. You’ll recall my friends consisted of a bunch of other unpopular gaming nerds at the time,” he reminded her.

"What? How could you go through school without going to a single prom?!” she asked in disbelief.

“Uh… you just go through school... and not go to them?” he pointed out unhelpfully.

She continued to frown at him.

"Hey, you asked."

“Then that just means I have even more reason to take you to one, this is making up for opportunities you missed!” she stated with determination.

“But I’d just end up as a wallflower all night, and-”

“Chappy please,” she interrupted, stopping his doubts with a sincere plea before they could snowball as they often tended. “I have been cooped up for weeks now, and I really just want a night for the two of us. Something special we can remember… we don’t have enough of those.” She stood there hoping he would get over himself and agree. She wanted so badly to prove Shoreline wrong, and not have to resort to looking for another-

“Okay,” the unicorn relented after a long silent moment.

“Really?” she gasped with joy.

“Really," he nodded. "If it's been that bad for you... we’ll go to the prom. Even if I don’t know how good of a prom date I’ll-”

His usual bout of self negativity was blindsided by the force of a happy pegasus tackling him with a hug, the suddenly embracing pair bumping the table briefly. “Oh thank you so much, I love you! I’ll get Elusive to start making a dress and tux for-” she started before they were both alerted to the sound of an inkwell tipping over and spilling ink all over the top two pages Chappy had been writing.

…

“Sorrysorrysorry!” she started stammering.

“At least it’s just the first draft,” he said sullenly as he put the inkwell back upright and looked down upon his now black pages.

“Do you want some anti panic tea?!” she offered, already halfway to the kitchen.

“That’d be nice.”

“Okay, don’t panic!”

“No promises.”

Dazzling Debit Decimation

“Hrm…” The white coated, purple maned unicorn stallion’s eyes darted up and down the other stallion’s body, applying a well honed critical eye to the outfit he was wearing.

…

“Um-”

“Tsst!” Elusive shushed, holding up a hoof for silence. Chappy complied, looking from him to Poppy and back, feeling doubly uncomfortable from the combination of the tuxedo and being the center of attention under quite the intense spotlight that the fashionista refused to work without.

…

“Dear… Poppy was it?”

“Mhm!” she immediately replied, having already been fitted and still clad in the blue and green dress she would be wearing to the prom.

“Stand over there next to him.”

“Okay!” She trotted over next to her stallion, giving him a nudge to his side and looking over to him. “Relax, it’s just a fitting.”

“Yeah well my usual state is no clothes and I’m suddenly in all the clothes.”

“Upupup, quiet,” Elusive reminded them, looking over the couple. There was a long pause, and then he finally spoke up again. “Nope. That won’t do,” he said before the grey unicorn was held aloft by a blue aura that began stripping the tuxedo off of him. “Blue was a poor choice. Your stallion shouldn’t match the main color, he should match the accents. He can’t be a proper accessory to your outfit if his colors try to share center stage with you, darling.”

“Guuuh why can’t I just take this off myself?” Chappy questioned as he moved his hooves to accommodate the removal of the tuxedo.

“What, you can dish it out but can’t take it?” Poppy asked with a smirk upward at him, being able to recall numerous occasions when she’d been lifted off the ground by a certain stallion’s unicorn magic.

Elusive answered with a soft chuckle. “I won’t ask what that comment was regarding, but is there anything you want done to him while he’s up there? Tickling perhaps?”

“Don’t you dare,” Chappy replied, trying hard to look intimidating but utterly failing to do so while held helplessly three feet in the air.

“Hehe, no, it’s fine. Let him down,” she relented.

“Suit yourself,” Elusive shrugged, letting his fellow unicorn down after the last of the tuxedo had come off. He jotted down some notes, and tore the page from his notepad. “Subi, more work! Get this one done quickly! The clients are waiting, dear!”

There came a galloping of hooves before a white coated, blonde maned unicorn mare with a red bow in her hair came out from the back looking a little flustered, clearly in the thick of it with all the demands coming from the prom. She gave her boss a quick nod, grabbed the note, and took off back into the work area.

“Fortunately we don’t have to change much. A few snips, a few stitches, and we’ll be in business. Now for these,” Elusive said before Chappy’s glasses were levitated off his head, leaving him to blink a few times and squint as his insufficient vision was left to fend for itself again.

“And what’s wrong with those?” he asked.

“Sunglasses? Do I really need to explain sunglasses? The refuge of the perpetually insecure?”

“They’re not sunglasses, they’re prescription transition lenses. They’re just normal glasses when they’re not getting hit with sunlight,” Chappy explained as though it made a difference, his hoof raising to try and grab them back unsuccessfully.

“Still too big, and I’m a fashion designer, not an optometrist. I’m here to make you look good, not improve your ability to look,” Elusive replied as he took mercy on his client and replaced the currently green tinted glasses. “Still, I suppose it’s your date’s choice. Talk it over amongst yourselves whilst I busy myself with other matters until Subi gets back with those redone pieces,” he continued, excusing himself back to the workshop area and leaving the two love birds to discuss it.

…

“I really do like your eyes,” Poppy offered just as Chappy was about to replace his glasses. He responded with a pause followed by a sigh as the glasses closed and levitated over to the saddlebags they’d brought with them.

“Fine. I guess I could wear my old glasses. They don’t work as well anymore, but they’re smaller, and I should be able to see alright with them. But we’re bringing the transition lenses as backup,” he replied, trying to at least be firm on some issue. “Unfortunately they aren't here to try on for-”

“Bottom of the left back pocket,” Poppy interrupted, eyes diverted and her muzzle scrunched into a distinct ‘I did a thing’ expression.

“…” His horn lit up again, opening the indicated compartment and withdrawing his old glasses. “Now how did that get in there?”

“I have no idea,” Poppy answered, eyes diverting in another direction as her muzzle remained scrunched into a distinct ‘I actually do know a thing’ expression.

Chappy levitated the glasses onto his muzzle then spent a minute squinting, letting his eyes adjust to the somewhat obsolete lenses. He could still see well enough to adequately function, but they had a small lack of definition that would serve as that classic little annoyance that slowly drives one batty. “So do you really dislike transition lenses? I’ve been using them for years and you haven’t made a peep.”

“Only for formal events, they’re fine otherwise… though you could probably stand to get a pair more like your old ones for things like this,” she replied.

“Are we going to be going to things like this often enough where I’d really need them?”

“One would hope.”

“…”

“Is this really so bad for you? I mean I’m practically the only pony you talk to on a regular basis. You could really stand to get yourself out there more, and I’d like it if that was something we could do together.”

“Hrm… you weren’t there for high school,” Chappy pointed out.

“No, but what does that have to do with this?” she asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“Remember how I seemed sociable enough by the end of eighth grade?”

She nodded.

“That was only because I’d started pretending to like the same stuff as everypony else. Suddenly it was all ‘oh, you listen to the right music now!’ or ‘hey you know about that popular book!’ and the herd as it were found me adequate. But that was a lie… I know better than to act superior just because of entertainment choices now, but I did for a fact personally think their music was stupid and their choice of books boring. I didn’t keep that up in high school. There came a point where I decided I’d rather not have a lot of friends instead of just acting a part in order to get a bunch of 'friends' that wouldn’t like me if they knew better. All this getting dressed up and acting classy feels like going back to when I was pretending,” he explained. She responded with a smile and an eye roll.

“You’re thinking way too much into this. We’re just going to a formal event to have fun together for an evening, and formal events require formal wear. That’s it… oh, that reminds me!” She trotted back over to the saddlebag and pulled out a bottle labeled ‘Hair Gel’.

“[What the hay is that?!” the stallion asked as though he’d never seen such devilry before.

“Hold still,” Poppy ordered as she promptly squirted a dollop onto her hoof and then used it to slick his hair back.

“Gah!” Gone were the unicorn’s bangs and barely kept mane, replaced with a slicked back black hairdo more becoming of a business pony.

“Eeee! You look so handsome!” she squealed delightedly, trotting in place with glee.

“I… guess?” he replied, looking upward at his sudden lack of bangs apprehensively. “This stuff feels weird.”

“Alldonenicehairholdstill,” Elusive said quickly as he suddenly emerged and levitated Chappy into the air before assaulting him with fancy dress clothes.

“Wait, already?” the grey unicorn asked in disbelief.

“Darling I don’t keep Subi around just because she’s pretty, although it helps,” he answered with a smirk while finishing the ensemble, then ordered Poppy back into position with a motion of his head before setting her prom date down in full and proper attire.

“Better now?” Poppy asked hopefully.

Elusive took his time looking the couple over but finally smiled and gave an approving nod at his work. “Magnifique. I can now let you out of the boutique with confidence!” he answered while scribbling on another notepad, different than the first.

“Yay!” she cheered.

“Here’s the bill,” Elusive said as he presented Chappy with the total.

…

“This is… this is way more than I was expecting,” Chappy said as he examined the bill wide eyed. “I thought you were supposed to be generous!”

“Yes well, please note that I accepted your order far after my usual cut off date, because your marefriend is quite the adept user of the big eyes,” he explained, motioning toward Poppy with his hoof. “It had to be quick, and my personal standards don’t allow anything less than fabulous, so I’m afraid cheap had to be ruled out. Perhaps next year you’ll plan ahead accordingly. I accept payment plans if that helps,” he offered.

“No… might as well get this over with,” the grey unicorn replied with a blank stare toward the floor as his checkbook and pen floated out of his bag and over to them.

“Oh my gosh this is going to be so fun, eeeeeeee!” Poppy squealed with excitement as she took to the air shortly before Elusive magically coaxed her down with an amused smile before she could knock anything over.

“Fun… fun… remember fun… this is for fun,” Chappy assured himself as he forced the pen to keep writing a number he would rather it did not. But he would do well to remember that one’s money never made anypony happy while doing nothing in a bank.

Interest aside, of course.

Daring Dancing Declaration

“Heeeee we’re finally here!” Poppy said happily as they stood together waiting for the Pony Prom prep to finish up before the attendees would be allowed in.

“It’s been like… two days since you asked me? I don’t think that’s long enough to warrant ‘finally’,” Chappy pointed out, looking around in a slightly less than completely calm manner at the crowd of ponies around them.

“Oh hush you… oh that reminds me again!”

“Wait no-geh!” he exclaimed as another hair gel covered hoof reinforced his swept back mane. “What do you see in this manestyle anyway? I look like a torn eared Filthy Rich.”

“I see a mature, sophisticated stallion who could pass for a Con Mane actor if he would get some contacts, or maybe a suave business pony if he doesn’t,” she answered with a half lidded smile.

“So first the transition lenses, then the mane, and now contacts? What next, do I need to change my name to something more debonair?” Chappy asked facetiously.

…

“You know Chapter Seventeen isn’t really a name now that I think of it,” Poppy replied with a thoughtful hoof placed on her chin.

“What,” he said with something of a deadpan frown.

“No, really, think about it! You could be called something clever but still book related like… Poignant Quill… or Steadfast Binding… or Voluminous Epic! I should introduce you as one of those tonight, ponies would love it!” Poppy continued, meandering around a daydream… at night. "Ooh what about Silken Tome?!"

”Isn’t really a name. You just actually said that,“ he repeated while his frown grew a bit more severe.

"Well no I mean…it’s just some ordinary part of a book and then a number. That’s not a name, it’s a…thing!” she elaborated.

“There’s a pony back there called Dibbly Doop,” he countered while pointing back to the rear of the line. “I only know that because he shouts it every time he meets somepony.”

“HI THERE, I’M DIBBLY DOOP, THE DIBBLIEST AND DOOPINEST!” shouted the stallion in question right on cue.

“And that’s not even the wierdest name I’ve ever heard, but they’re all still names. You don’t get to just point at one you don’t like and go ‘that’s not a name, because reasons.’ And I would’ve hoped you’d have asked me out here so insistently because you wanted to go out and do something together withme and not some idea of me you formed while reading dime novel romances,” Chappy continued pointedly, glaring a hole through his marefriend’s face in a rare showing of open anger.

Poppy took half a step back, her expression faltering as her ears lowered. “If…if it’s about the mane-”

He sighed. “No it’s not the mane, or the tuxedo, or the prom. In fact despite my reservations I’m thankful for the help because what the hay do I know about fancy dress and looking good? What’s ticking me off is all of this ‘let’s pretend you’re some stallion I’m into just for tonight so other ponies will be impressed’ talk. What if I was taking you to see my family, and started suggesting things that you should do to make yourself look like something I wanted you to be, or started thinking up names that were more ‘presentable’ than Poppy Crafts?”

"But I wasn’t trying to do that at all. I just wanted you to know what it feels like to be popular and well liked by ponies for once…it really feels good Chappy,” she countered.

“To you. If I had that kind of popularity from a bunch of ponies I’d never met, I would have no idea what to do with it. I’m not the sort of pony to actively seek that out. If I just so happen to find it, okay, sure, but I’m not going to force it because that just feels wierd. We didn’t force us, and I’m not going to force finding friends either,” he replied before a pegasus stallion with coral red coat, a well styled cyan mane with matching colored eyes, and an expensive looking tuxedo landed between them.

"Hey Poppy, this creep giving you trouble?” he asked over his shoulder while giving the grey unicorn a threatening sidelong stare. Chappy looked to him, then to Poppy, then to the surrounding ponies who had immediately started giving him severe looks of disapproval for his apparent harassing of a poor mare as his ears lowered. Poppy immediately became indignant at the stallion standing between them.

“He’s not a creep, he’s my boyfriend, and he’s not giving me trouble, we’re having a discus-oh my gosh Cirrus Blazer! I haven’t seen you in forever!” she said with glee as she recognized him and immediately gave him a warm hug.

"Nice to see you too,” Blazer said, smiling down at her before she let him go and took her place by Chappy’s side again. “It has been a while hasn’t it?”

“Yeah! Not since junior year!” she confirmed with a nod.

“And this is… ?” Chappy interjected.

“Oh, right! Chappy, this is Cirrus Blazer. The two of us met freshman year and he was my best friend at school for a good long while, then life happened and we sort of drifted apart. But it looks like you’re doing well for yourself,” she replied, ending her explanation by turning back to her old friend.

“Heh, yeah can’t complain. Cloudsdale’s opening a new weather factory to meet demand and you’re lookin’ at the new general manager. It’s a tough job but I’m a tough stallion, and my mare Thunder Crackle over there is worth it.” He pointed over to a blue coated pegasus mare with a long red mane and blonde highlights who spotted the gesture and waved at them from her place in line. After returning the wave he turned back, applying a more critical eye to the slightly shorter unicorn stallion his high school friend was apparently dating.

“So you’re the Chappy?”

"What do you mean the?” he asked with a curious tilt of his head.

"Well Poppy here talked about you a lot at high school, but none of us ever saw you until now. From the way she spoke about you I was expecting somepony a little taller… maybe a little more fit looking… with better eyesight… who did his mane a little better-”

“In my defense I wasn’t the one who styled my-”

”-and took responsibility for himself or something. But that’s cool. I’ll see you both later tonight, my mare is waiting,” he said, turning away from him without so much as an offer of a hoof shake and taking off.

“Oh wow that’s so neat! I was just wondering what he’s been up to the other day, and now speak of the devil! Or... think of the devil I guess. I bet there’s a friend or two of yours from school here you could catch up with too!” Poppy said optimistically, but her boyfriend didn’t seem too receptive to the idea.

“Nope. By the end of high school I had only three friends and they all kicked me out because their marefriends didn’t like me before they moved away and haven’t talked to me since, remember?” he reminded her.

“Oh… right,” she replied a little less enthusiastically.

…

“So uh where were we?” Poppy asked now that the distraction from their earlier conversation had gone.

“I said I’m not forcing finding friends because it feels weird,” he repeated for her.

“Right, thank you! Um… what you call ‘forcing finding friends’ is kind of just called ‘meeting other ponies’ by the rest of us,” she clarified.

“Really? Because the whole thing feels like it has an inherent objective, so it’s just a salespony pitch only instead of money you’re dealing in social validation.”

“…” She blinked. “You are thinking way too deep into this. All you have to do is put yourself out there. Say hi to ponies, see who you gravitate to, see who repels you, and soon enough you have a circle of nice ponies to spend the prom with. It’s fun!”

"Okay… so I’m at the first step already then.”

“Hrm?”

“I’m out here, aren’t I?” he pointed out.

Her eyes diverted to the side for a moment, but then met his gaze again as she smiled. “Yeah… I guess you are.”

…

“Maybe I’ve been a bit... pushy about all this,” she confessed, her smile turning a bit sheepish. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You crossed the line a little bit, but it was only a little bit and I understand why you did it. Your having to stay in so much just because I’m such a shut in isn’t fair to you,” he added with an understanding nod before Poppy stepped forward and nuzzled him reassuringly.

"Well it’s alright now. I’m out here with my Chappy, and I love it,” she beamed before stepping back a bit out of the affectionate gesture. “So we’re okay? You’re alright to do this?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll manage,” he answered confidently. “Felt good getting that out.”

“Great! Now, give me the flask you hid in your coat pocket,” she said as she held out her hoof.

Chappy let out a grumbling sigh and reluctantly levitated a small flask of Neighmeson brand whiskey out of his pocket and placed it in her hoof.

“Now give me the second flask you hid in your inner coat pocket because you knew I’d ask for the first,” Poppy said after depositing the first flask beneath her wing.

“Seriously?!” he retorted as he dutifully brought out another similar flask, caught red hoofed.

“Thank you…now give me the third you hid because you knew I’d know about the first two,” she said after depositing the second beneath her other wing.

"Augh!” he lamented, producing a third flask as anticipated. “Okay, fine. You have all the booze I tried sneaking in, can we just get on with it now?” he asked with quite the grumpy tone.

“Sure!”

…

“Just as soon as you give me the fourth flask you hid because you were hoping I wouldn’t think you were crazy enough to actually bring four flasks to the prom,” she continued with hoof still outstretched.

“Oh come on now. Four? Where would I even hide four?”

She did not budge, waiting patiently.

“There were only two inner pockets, where would I even hide a fourth?”

The cream colored hoof made a small waving gesture to hurry him along.

“Are you seriously suggesting I sewed in a third just for that purpose? Do you really think I’d go to such elaborate measures just for a nip of booze for tonight?”

…

“I hate you,” he growled moodily as a fourth flask emerged from his coat. She simply took the last bit of booze in hoof then giggled before kissing his cheek and stashing the confiscated alcohol into the small, much fancier looking saddlebag she’d brought along that night.

———

"Wow you’re a pretty good dancer for not getting out much!” Poppy shouted, trying to be heard over the music that was pumping out of the sound system at the far end of the dance floor.

“Thanks! I grew up in a messy house so you learn to keep your balance just to move around quickly! I also followed your lead a bit!” Chappy replied,

“HEY! THAT STALLION’S DANCING LIKE A MARE!” came some random stallion’s mocking voice from the edge of the crowd.

“I mean I’m following his lead!” Chappy immediately diverted as he looked over at a nearby dancing stallion who seemed to know what he was doing, adjusting his technique accordingly.

"OH NEVER MIND HE’S NOT ANYMORE,” his detractor corrected with due respect before moving on with his life.

“I bet all those quarters spent on Prance Prance Revolution machines helped!” she teased.

“Nah, putting your hooves on six pads in sequence can only help so much with actual dancing!”

“But what about those ponies I saw busting a move at those tournaments?!” she asked, moving beside him and giving him a playful hip bump.

“Those moves they’re busting aren’t strictly necessary to get a perfect score in game! It’s a performance to impress judges, they’re doing all that crazy stuff on top of getting a perfect score! You have to already be an awesome actual dancer to pull that off!” he explained. “Why are we talking about this right now instead of waiting for something a bit more quiet to play?!”

"It’s DJ-Pon3, when do you think it’ll get quiet?!”

“Good point!”

“We should go to one of those tournaments!”

“What?!” he asked, putting a hoof next to his ear.

“I said we should go to see one of those Prance Prance Revolution tournaments together!” Poppy repeated a bit louder.

“I don’t know, there are no big arcades in Ponyville, and finding out where one will be hosting one and when might be…” Chappy stopped himself and was silent for a moment, earning a curious tilt of Poppy’s head before he smiled at her. “You know what?! We’ll go to one!”

“Yeah?!” she asked, returning the smile.

“Yeah!”

“Yay!” she cheered with a flap of the wings that briefly sent her into the air, leaving her to readjust her dress and then giggle a bit just as the music faded down. The groan of a familiar DJ was soon to follow.

“Okay so, apparently I’m contractually obligated to play slow songs tonight or something. Here’s the first one. If I’ve gone into a coma before it ends, somepony wake me up,” the white coated unicorn sneered before putting a new record on the turn table, muttering about how ponies should feel lucky that her rent was due before shrugging off a nasty look from the event coordinator.

There was an assortment of soft chuckles through the audience before the slow romantic track started playing. Partners were quickly chosen, leaving an assortment of stallions and mares who either had to wait their turn or go without entirely to excuse themselves from the dance floor for a few minutes. There would obviously be no such departure for Chappy or Poppy though.

“So have you ever slow danced before?” she asked, the lower volume of the music letting her get away with a voice only slightly louder than casual conversation. Chappy looked around at the more experience dance attendees and quickly surmised there wasn’t much to it at all.

“Nope, but something tells me I’ll manage,” he replied confidently before offering his hoof, which she accepted happily. As it turned out, the grey unicorn could in fact manage to coordinate with her to maintain a slow rotational movement whilst they held one another in the moonlight and got a few minutes where everypony else seemingly faded, leaving them alone together amongst the crowd. The mare quietly reveled in finally being out doing something fun with the pony she cared about so deeply, and for once in his life the stallion mentally looked away from the disastrous outcomes he was always imagining.

As wonderful as it was… every song has an end.

Drink Debacle Devastation

“Let’s take a break!” Poppy suggested after one of her favorite songs ended.

“Okay, I’m kind of thirsty anyway!” Chappy replied over the music. They retreated away from the dance floor, to the farther end of the yard with tables full of party platters flanking a big punch bowl in the center. It was also something of a relief that they could talk at reasonable volumes again. “Oh hey, bonus, I can hear myself think,” he noted as he ladled out two cups of punch and levitated one over to Poppy, who gratefully took a drink.

“Mmm, yeah, I thought you liked DJ-Pon3’s records though?” she half stated, half asked before licking the taste of the punch from her lips.

“I do, but I don’t usually listen to them that loud,” he answered.

"Ah… oh, hey, Thunder Crackle’s waving us over!” Poppy said, directing his attention over to some of the nearby sitting tables where the blue pegasus mare they had seen before was indeed trying to coax them into joining her and the two other pegasi she had with her. One of her companions was a light grey coated mare with a sky blue mane wearing a red dress and a perpetual scowl, and the other was a purple coated mare with an orange mane wearing a black dress and a pair of glasses.

“But we don’t even know them,” Chappy pointed out as though Poppy was overlooking that fact.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why we go over to talk with them, so that we do know them,” she responded like a normal pony.

"What would we talk about?” he asked, prompting his marefriend to look at him silently a moment before blinking and sighing.

“What am I going to do with you?” she asked in reply before biting onto the collar of his tux and giving it a tug with a little growl to make her desire to have him follow her unmistakable.

“Okay, okay!” he relented, the stallion and his floating punch cup following behind her as she approached the group of friends.

“Hey there, Poppy Crafts was it? My stallion’s told me a few stories about you,” Thunder Crackle greeted warmly before shifting her eyes to Chappy. “And you must be-”

"That creep who was abusing poor Poppy in line in front of everypony! How dare you!” the mare in the red dress said with a miniature charge directly into Chappy’s personal space, knocking his punch cup aside. His eyes widened in surprise and he took a couple steps back.

"Abusing?! What?” Chappy replied incredulously. “I didn’t lay a hoof on her!”

”Not in front of us at least! This is probably just the outward manifestation of the torment you’ve been inflicting on her to maintain your ill gotten dominance of the relationship!” she continued, cutting him off by sidestepping as he attempted to go around her.

“Star Beam stop it,” Thunder Crackle said with a roll of her eyes. “They were just having an argument. Couples arguing is a thing that happens sometimes.”

“Oh please, you’re so steeped in your internalized mare hatred that of course you would take his side in this! You let Blazer objectify you by calling you ‘his mare’ and everything,” Star Beam pointed out derisively.

“Uh... yeah. And I call him ‘my stallion’ too,” Thunder Crackled replied in a tone that made it painfully obvious how completely done she was with the current argument. “I should’ve known better than to invite you to this thing considering recent events.”

“Um, Poppy? You kind of chose socializing on Legendary difficulty. I’m going to go find something on Normal... or Easy,” Chappy stated while backing away, briefly looking down at the now emptied punch cup that had once held the promise of slaking his thirst. He picked it up with his magic again, intent on refilling it.

“Yeah I’ll… I’ll find you later or something,” Poppy said with a nod wearing a worried expression that made it clear she was having second thoughts herself. “Just don’t go plant yourself on a wall or something.”

“Oh don’t worry Poppy I’ll be fine,” he assured her shortly before looking over to see a completely empty punch bowl.

———

“Okay, no problem,” Chappy said to himself from his spot near a hedge. “I’ll be out there and talking in a few moments. And in the meantime I’m not planted next to a wall. This is a hedge. That is totally different. Still thirsty though. But in a few seconds I’m going to be thirsty and out there meeting ponies… now. Going now.”

…

"Nnnnnnnnow.”

…

“Okay not then, but now, really.”

…

“Now. Now?”

…

“Now please? Please now.”

The mind was willing, or at least willing to appear willing. But the body refused to leave the safe confines of his spot subconsciously chosen precisely for it’s location away from anypony’s attention.

“Yeah good job guarding that hedge, you’re doing your kingdom proud,” Blazer deadpanned as he walked past flanked by a few buddies who snickered at his passing comment. Chappy opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it, failing to find any worthwhile retort before a frown spread across his face.

…

“Well what the hay am I supposed to say when he’s literally just pointing out exactly what I’m doing?!” he said back to the hedge that had become the embodiment of his disappointment with himself.

———

"So isn’t lightning bucking just par for the course for a weather pony?” Poppy asked before taking a sip of her punch.

“Yeah, but just any regular old lightning cloud isn’t the sort of thing a specialist like me is brought in for. I’m the pony they send in alone when a gigantic lightning packed cloud is so dangerous that they can’t risk an entire team of weather ponies being seriously injured if just one of them makes a slightly wrong move,” Thunder Crackle bragged ever so humbly with a deservedly smug grin.

“Wow, and you’ve never gotten struck before?” Poppy queried further in amazement.

“Oh I’ve gotten struck before. You don’t get to my level of expertise without getting zapped a few times. I mean that’d be like you getting good enough to sell paintings but having never gotten a drop of paint on yourself,” she corrected.

“Hehe, yeah that does sound kind of silly,” she agreed with a nod before turning to one of Thunder Crackle's friends. “What about you… uh… wow I never even got your name?”

“It’s Sky Chirp,” the bespectacled pegasus mare replied, adjusting her glasses. “It’s no surprise. I’m always pretty quiet at events like these. You spend all your time bird watching and managing migratory routes for the various bird species of Equestria, your social life kind of withers a bit.”

“Well at least none of those birds steal your precious years of wonderful life away for nothing,” Star Beam remarked bitterly as she glared down into her cup of punch. When later asked to recall the events of that evening, Poppy would swear she saw the liquid boiling at that very moment.

“What is her problem?” Poppy whispered to Thunder Crackle discreetly.

“Her boyfriend kind of dumped her a couple days ago, it wasn’t pretty,” she whispered back, apparently underestimating her friend’s hearing.

“I’ll have you know I dumped him! Because he was nothing but a lout who always talked of these big plans but then the second things start getting difficult he calls the retreat!” she spat back.

"Correct me if I’m wrong but weren't you always nosing in and trying to get your hoofprint on everything he did? Then if your butting in ruined everything you could call him a failure, and if it didn’t, you’d take all the credit, and he just got sick of it,” Sky Chirp corrected her, displaying a fearlessness that could only be borne of naivete.

“Yeah well... at least I’m not such a workaholic that I’ve never even had a boyfriend!” she shot back before taking another drink.

"Weren’t you just telling her ten minutes ago that she was better off not having a boyfriend so she could focus on her career?” Poppy observed before a cold wave washed over her in the form of Star Beam’s resultant death glare.

“Hey… shut up.”

…

"Uuuuuuugh fine here’s another slow song,” the DJ grumbled over the sound system as her contractual obligations were once again pointed out to her by the event organizer.

"OhheyIbetterfindChappy,” Poppy stammered quickly before practically stumbling out of her seat and retreating into the crowd away from the grumbling pegasus mare.

“Can we not invite her back over? I don’t think she’s really getting along with us and-” Star Beam started before turning her gaze and realizing she was only talking to the seat formerly occupied by Thunder Crackle.

———

“Did you see that shot Knuckle Pluck made just before the final buzzer?!”

“Yeah, that was incredible! But he wouldn’t have been able to do that if it weren’t for that pass from Blade Trotter!”

“Too right, those two are a fantastic team! Hopefully they’re going to… take this… all the way to…”

…

The conversation petered out as the three stallions turned to the odd pony out that had been standing near them for a few minutes unnoticed.

…

“Oh uh… hi?” Chappy said in what wasn’t quite a greeting, his empty punch cup still floating next to him.

“Who are you?” one of them asked with a none too friendly facial expression.

“Right, name! Uh, Chapter Seventeen.”

“What are you doing?” another asked.

“What? Nothing I was… you know, strolling by, you guys sounded like you were having fun so I… kinda just listened in I guess?” he explained.

“Oh, so you saw that game too huh?”

“Yeah uh, totally! That was a pretty game changing moment when he passed that ball,” Chappy tossed out in a bid to actually join the conversation.

“…”

“What?” he asked, looking around a bit anxiously.

“Nothing, we were just kind of wondering when they started using balls in hockey.”

…

"OH HEY LOOK I’m out of punch I better go get more!” Chappy blurted out as he made a hasty retreat, never to return. As fortune would have it there actually was another fresh bowl of punch that had been brought out, providing a bright side to his latest disastrous attempt to socialize. “Finally, I was getting really-”

“Dance, now!” Poppy proclaimed as she pulled him back onto the dance floor.

“What the, wait, I just need to get some-”

“Chappy I need to have something to do right now to seem like I’m not avoiding somepony on purpose, please just help!” she interrupted again, pulling him further away from the punch bowl.

"What? Why? Who?” he asked while reluctantly following her. Behind him, a procession of equally thirsty ponies lined up and managed to collectively ladle out the entire contents of the bowl in record time.

“Star Beam, she had a break up two days before this and still came to the prom!” she said in the harshest of whispers she could manage to properly express her disbelief.

"So why do you have to pretend to not avoid her while avoiding her instead of… you know, openly avoiding her?” He took hold of her, starting the same slow dance from before.

"Because Thunder Crackle and Sky Chirp are actually okay ponies… well, I don’t know much of anything about Sky Chirp but she might be okay. I can’t just snub the whole group because of just one of them, that’s… rude,” she elaborated.

"Okay, so just pull Thunder Crackle aside and tell her you’re still interested in being friends but that you’re not going to just ignore the way Star Beam is acting.”

“I can’t do that either! Star Beam being able to act the way she’s acting means I can’t object to the way she’s acting!”

…

“Um… okay… try that again?” Chappy requested following an attempt to make sense of her statement that had only caused his brain to return an error message.

“If Thunder Crackle is putting up with it, that must mean Star Beam is a really close friend of hers, else why would she? If I make it an issue, it might really aggravate her, and she might not want to be friends anymore,” she replied, obliging him.

“So you’re going to put up with some mare off her rocker just because not doing so might irritate her friend? Why the hay do that?”

She frowned. “Well maybe if somepony came out with me more often I wouldn’t feel like I have to hold on so hard to every new friend I finally make.”

His eyes widened, ears lowering slightly in guilt as their dance came to a stop, leaving them standing awkwardly in each others hooves in the middle of the floor. After a moment she had a similar reaction, and though the dance resumed it was spent in a heavy silence trying to avoid one another’s gaze.

———

"Did you find out what was wrong with the water fountain yet?” the caterer asked the groundskeeper as he watched yet another bowl of punch be decimated by thirsty ponies that had no other option.

“Nope, nothing I can see. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow when we can get a plumber in here to take a look at it good and proper. I can gallop over to a nearby store to pick up more punch mix and bottled water if you need it though,” the groundskeeper offered. An irritable looking grey unicorn looked at the tiny bit that was left in the bowl and let out a growling sigh before ladling out the last sip and taking a curious sniff at his cup.

“Thanks so much, we really appreciate-”

“Hey,” Chappy said to the caterer.

“Yes?”

“Is this punch spiked?” he asked.

“Um, no it’s not.”

”Why not!?”

———

She sat on the bench looking somewhat deflated for the first time that evening. The way that conversation had happened had not been necessary. There were many times in the past, probably hundreds, when she had pointed out some mistake he had made or bad habit he should address. None of them had been spiteful until now, no matter how frustrated she’d been about it.

“Maybe he was right,” Poppy mumbled to herself, starting to question her own motives. Was this an attempt to get them a night out of the house and help him open up a little like she had said? Or was this some attempt of hers to prove Shoreline wrong by molding her boyfriend into some fantasy in her head no matter what it did to him? Or maybe she was just overthinking all of this and she wasn’t reacting well to the stress of her first night out in ages going a bit awry. She let out a heavy sigh and continued examining the grass as the ponies around her continued to have a much better time.

“Ah, there you are,” Thunder Crackle started as she emerged from the crowd. “What’s wrong?”

Poppy looked up in mild surprise and tried to shrug off her sour mood with quite inadequate results. “What? Nothing I was just… catching a break, having some alone time. You know how it is,” she lied while putting on a smile.

Thunder Crackle smirked and nodded knowingly. “Yeah… Star Beam’s a real pain in the flank tonight isn’t she?”

Following a momentary loss of words the cream colored mare offered a none too confident chuckle. “Um…I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“I understand. Don’t worry though, I actually had the same idea you did and snuck away for a dance with Blazer,” she assured her while taking a seat next to her on the bench.

Despite her dance with Chappy having been less of an escape than she had hoped, she kept her smile on. “Oh good, I was kind of worried I would’ve left a bad impression.”

“Nah you’re fine. Don’t worry, Poppy.”

“That’s a relief,” she said, managing a genuine smile at the news. “So now that we’re in better company, how’s Blazer been? I know I asked him already outside but, you know how stallions get when somepony asks them how they are and all.”

“He actually is doing great as far as I can tell. I really think he and I are going to go far if things keep up like this,” she mused fondly as her eyes wandered over to the stallion in question talking and laughing with his other friends on the other end of the prom grounds. He seemed to notice something, excuse himself, and move away into the crowd though. “You know I should thank you for letting him get away in high school like you did. I might not ever have met him otherwise.”

“Uh… what do you mean ‘let him get away’?” Poppy asked with raised eyebrow. “We were just really good friends for a while then sort of… drifted. You make it sound like we were dating!”

“What?” Thunder Crackle replied with a small bit of confusion before the dawning realization became apparent on her face. “Oooooh…”

———

“So then Phonin went back in time and then just solved everything, completely negating the significance of past events and the roles of pretty much every other character?” one stallion asked another mare amongst his group of friends as a grey stallion with a still woefully empty cup wandered into earshot.

"Pretty much,” the mare replied with a sympathetic shrug of her shoulders.

“Guh, I hate it when authors have some super powerful magic pony who can make everything better with how awesome they are without consequence show up out of nowhere. If you’re going to go that far, you might as well put on a horn and wings then go full on alicorn ex machina on us,” the stallion replied with a roll of his eyes, eliciting a bit of a laugh from his fellow literary aficionados.

"Hey, you all talking about Battlecraft? I love that series!” Chappy chimed in, hoping some common interests might spark a succesful social interaction and cheer him up a bit.

…

“What?” he asked, ears lowering again as a reply did not seem forthcoming from the ponies now staring at him strangely.

“Aren’t you that creepy stallion who was beating up his marefriend in line?!” one of the stallions asked, his expression turning into a scowl that was mirrored by his nearby friends.

Chappy’s eyes went wide for a moment before his face descended into a deadpan stare. “You know what? Yes. I am that creep. In fact I didn’t just beat her up, I murdered her outright in front of everypony, just to save you all the hassle of upping the ante each time you gossip it along the chain. I can prove it too!” he confessed sarcastically before pointing his hoof toward Poppy. “Look, there she is, without a scratch on her, being completely straight up dead while having a conversation.”

“Oh yeah? How do we know you’re telling the truth?” another stallion piped up in reply.

“Oh, darn, you caught me. You’ve foiled my plan to murder my marefriend like I didn’t, and then replace her with the twin sister she doesn’t have, so that nopony would think anything was amiss because there’s actually not. Good show Sherclop. Good show. You know, she brought me out to try and get me in touch with my social side, but based on how things are going tonight I’m starting to remember why I never bothered developing one in the first place. Enjoy your night, and also Phonin dies when Skarrosh blows up Kerramor in the end,” he replied, departing promptly upon spoiling the book for everypony involved.

"Pfft like they’d actually blow up Kerramor,” the mare said dismissively before a round of murmured agreements spread through the group.

…

"Right?” she repeated a bit less certainly.

Chappy retook his place at the hedge non-wall, no longer caring for how sociable the rest of the evening wound up being. He kept his eyes on the empty punch bowl, oh so very thirsty and intent on getting a cup from the next batch of punch once it was brought out.

“I don’t know what totally inoffensive thing they said to you, but I’m sure you just cried like a foal and went home with the ball was an entirely reasonable reaction on your part,” Blazer said before taking a drink from his cup. “Mm, good stuff.”

“Is it just me, or have you had it out for me from the second you-”

“So not only are you the type that’ll go into paranoid defensive mode at the drop of a needle, you’re also the type that’ll cautiously ask the pony they’re getting paranoid and defensive toward whether or not they’re justified in getting paranoid and defensive toward them. You do this instead of, oh I don’t know, outright stating it as fact like a real stallion would. Nice. I know you don’t handle direct interaction well, so I’ll do your thing and ask a question about the question I’m going to ask. Do you mind if I ask you a question?” he asked with a mocking tilt of his head before crushing his own cup and tossing it into a nearby waste bin.

Chappy said nothing, turning his head to maintain his vigil on the punch bowl.

"Silence. Very mature. I’ll assume that means yes, because you can’t even assert yourself enough to correct me. Why are you with Poppy?” he asked bluntly as he moved into Chappy’s sight line.

"What’s that supposed to mean?” he replied with a raised brow.

“Do you think it’s a good idea? Because let me tell you I’ve only been seeing glances of you two for just this one evening, and it’s pretty clear to me that neither of you actually do. See, Poppy Crafts is what we call a ‘normal pony’. She goes out and does things. Like, real things. Because she has a life. Meanwhile, what, you’re like a... writer or something?”

"Yeah.”

“I figured. It’s kind of the default ‘job’ of a pony who has ideas but no skills to make them happen like a real artist could. Plus I’ve never seen your name at any bookstores, so you probably just get printed in a magazine or something. So at the end of the day you’re pretty much worthless on top of worthless, and at your age you’ve had more than enough time to prove yourself at anything else if you were capable of it… so you’re, you know, not.”

"Your point?”

“My point is you’re a sinking ship while everypony else is sailing on smoothly like normal, and Poppy is one of your passengers. Do you want her to go down with the ship, or are you going to push her into a lifeboat?” he asked quite casually.

“I’d expect this out of a single stallion. Don’t you already have a marefriend?” he asked in return, ignoring the pegasus stallion’s question.

"Yes I do, and we’re quite happy together. In fact when I first saw her, I asked for a date then and there because I thought she looked like a million bits. Turned out we had a lot of fun together, and shared a good many ambitions and interests, so here we are together in love after I took the initiative. Meanwhile Poppy took a liking to you for some reason you can’t quite understand because you have no self esteem, but you’ve probably never asked what that reason was, because you’ve always assumed it was pity, but were afraid of being proved correct, and you’re probably not going to say anything in reply to this because you know I’m right.”

"…”

Blazer stepped forward and gave Chappy a couple condescending pats on the shoulder. “You and I both know Poppy needs a different stallion than you. Do the right thing. Break it off with her and let her be free and happy. Then do the rest of us a favor by slinking back into whatever hole you crawled out of to keep doing whatever sad, stupid thing you do to pass time so you don’t bother anypony anymore. And hey if you want to go the extra mile, all the better! So glad we had this chat.” He gave him a parting nod and retreated back into the crowd to find his friends.

Chappy stood there mutely a while before slumping down to a sitting position. After a moment’s pause he looked over at the empty cup he’d been levitating all this time… then crushed it into a ball and tossed it into a bin before busying himself looking at the grass. Suddenly it was like being in school all over again.

———

“So he liked me liked me?”

"Yeah, from what he’s told me,” Thunder Crackle confirmed with a nod. “He spent two years hoping you would notice him but then realized it wasn’t going to happen.”

“That’s about the point where we started drifting apart… that stinks! You mean to tell me he stopped being my friend just because we weren’t going to be a couple?” Poppy asked with a frown.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there. What did he do?” the other pegasus asked in return.

“He… well I guess we were still technically friends, only we didn’t really talk or hang out nearly as often. Probably... because he was off actually dating,” she thought aloud, ending with a sigh of resignation. “You know, I guess I was about as entitled to his friendship as he was entitled to a relationship with me. Oh well… it’s good to know my friend did well after school and I’ll leave it at that,” she continued, ending with a genuine smile. “Besides, there's too much going on in my life to worry about the past… at least I hope there still is.” The smile faded a bit as her thoughts returned from the past back to the present.

“What do you mean?”

“I was telling Chappy about the situation with Star Beam while we were dancing, and he did that thing stallions always do where they try to solve the problem for you when all you want is for them to just listen,” she explained, earning an understanding eye roll and nod from the other mare. “I was irritated enough already, so when he did that I kind of, um… snapped at him and made some remark about the problem he was already trying to fix. He didn’t react well, and I don’t know what he’ll do now.” Her front hooves rubbed together anxiously as she spoke.

“And you’re… worried he’ll break up with you over it?” Thunder Crackle asked to try and fill in the uncertain implication, her suspicion confirmed with another nod from Poppy. “Really? That seems like a needlessly little thing to break up over.”

“It wouldn’t just be that. It’s like… we had all these slight issues that I thought were only little ice cubes, but tonight seems to be dunking our heads underwater so that we can’t help but see the icebergs underneath. You know what I mean?”

“I guess I’ll have to take your word for it. But for what it’s worth, you two look like any other couple that argue sometime, and I don’t see them break up often,” Thunder Crackle offered reassuringly.

“Thanks. I hope you’re right,” Poppy replied before she caught sight of Chappy approaching out of the corner of her eye. “I really hope you’re right.”

"Hey Chappy,” Thunder Crackle greeted him, getting a respectful nod in reply.

“Hi Thunder Crackle,” he added before turning to Poppy. Neither of them said anything at first, and then Chappy attempted to break the silence with a hesitant opening of his mouth, looking as though he was trying to say the last thing he ever wanted to say, thus provoking a concerned look from the cream colored mare. His mouth closed, and then he broke eye contact, spending a moment more in thought before his face took on a more determined expression and leveled itself with his marefriend’s once more. “I have decided that you will be allowed to dance with me again,” he said in a most faux official manner while offering his hoof.

Poppy blinked at the sudden change in his demeanor and then couldn’t help but giggle. “Oh! Well thank you so much for the privilege,” she replied facetiously as she took his hoof, the two ponies smiling as they took to the dance floor together again without any baggage.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Poppy said to him before they got too close to the sound system for a non shouted conversation.

“Don’t worry about it. In fact don’t worry about any of this. I’m done with that,” Chappy replied confidently.

“Done over thinking? Done worrying? Did you finally find some new friends while I was talking with Thunder Crackle?” she asked, her eyes lighting up.

“Nope, and I’m not going to!” Chappy answered oddly cheerfully. “I have no reason to believe that anypony here wants anything to do with me, and I’m fine with that.”

Her ears lowered in sadness at hearing this. “But… you’d be passing up so many experiences cutting everypony out like that.”

“No,” he objected with a brief shake of his head, then took a moment to think of the right way to get his point across. “It’s like… the difference between fishing and hunting. You prefer to go out and actively hunt for enjoyable social interaction. What I prefer is to put a line out and wait patiently for enjoyable social interaction to happen, but I don't need it right just immediately now. They’re two different methods, but we both still make our catches in the end.”

“I've never done either of those!”

“Point being-"

"You haven't either!"

"Poppy."

"Sorry!"

"The point is, I took your advice and gave hunting a shot, but I’m no good at it. So I’m just going to cast out my line, be patient, and if nopony bites, so be it! I’m not here for them. Plus there’s no reason I can’t be a fisherpony and still go out and do things with you like I said I’m going to,” he continued, moving aside briefly for another couple that was passing through.

"I guess not… I still don’t get how your ‘fishing’ method works though. It sounds like it’s just going to keep you lonely,” she confessed worriedly.

“And I don’t get how somepony can just go out to talk with ponies and everything turns out fine. But then again, I’m not going to, and you’re not going to get my method either, because we’re different ponies. Now are we going to dance or am I going to have to go look handsome somewhere until some other mare asks me?” he playfully threatened with a smirk.

She immediately took him by the shoulders and stared adorable death into his very soul. “Don’t you dare… also,” she started before pulling a hidden bottle of hairgel out of her dress.

”Gah!“ the stallion exclaimed as his hair was unexpectedly reinforced before a pair of cream colored hooves pulled him onto the dance floor.

———

For a time the evening started to go smoothly again. The two ponies socialized or refrained from socializing exactly as suited them, the tense feelings gave way to mutual, relaxed acceptance, and rather than everypony pretending to have a good time, good times were actually had. Poppy and Chappy were at the tail end of another slow dance when the lead catering manager stepped up to the stage and delayed the next song to make a quick announcement.

"Good evening! Uh, sorry to interrupt, but I’m sure you’ve noticed the punch shortage… only made worse by the drinking fountains being out of order. We’re running low on punch, so instead of a punch bowl we’ll be serving up partially filled cups so that we can distribute it a bit more evenly. That’s all, thanks again for coming,” he concluded before handing the mic back to the DJ.

“And it’ll probably be non alcoholic despite my best efforts,” she added, eliciting a wave of light laughter through the crowd and earning another completely ineffective mean look from the event coordinator.

“Oh good, you said you’ve been having trouble getting any punch,” Poppy brought up ever so helpfully to her stallion that might well have been coughing up sand at that point. “I wanted to go talk to Thunder Crackle some more, would you mind grabbing some punch for us while you’re getting yours?”

“I’ll try, they’ll probably be having a one cup per pony policy though, so don’t hold your breath,” Chappy replied with a glance over to the table that was now setting out half full plastic cups of punch.

“Thanks Chappy,” she responded in appreciation before giving him a peck on the cheek and heading off into the crowd again to look for her friend.

The grey unicorn dutifully located the end of the line that was still forming and took his place. Stealing a glance ahead, he saw that even for how quickly he’d claimed his spot in line there were still plenty of ponies ahead of him that might just deplete the supply of punch before he got there. Still, a chance at punch was obviously superior to no chance at punch, so he stood his ground. Besides, the wait couldn’t be too long. The ponies in line ahead of him weren’t exactly filling out paperwork after all.

As he neared the table he couldn’t help but notice the pony serving up the punch stopping another passing pony and whispering something to them before they nodded and took off again. Then the cups began to dwindle without being replaced. He mentally counted the ponies ahead of him and then did the same for the cups on the table and was relieved when he found that there would be one cup left for him… or maybe Poppy. He knew she would be likely to share or even outright let him have it, but damned if he wasn’t going to at least bring it by first.

“Lucky you getting the last one! Don’t worry, we sent somepony to go buy more, she shouldn’t take too long,” the pony who’d served up all the punch explained.

"Thanks,” Chappy responded with a nod before reaching for the cup which suddenly vanished in a blur of red. He looked to his right to see Blazer with the purloined punch in hoof.

“Great job keeping my place in line there, slick,” he flippantly remarked with an upward glance at the unicorn’s mane. Cirrus Blazer turned to leave with a smug grin of satisfaction on his face when his punch cup lit up with a light blue aura and levitated out of his grasp and back over to Chappy. He immediately turned on the unicorn wearing an offputting friendly grin barely concealing a vicious scowl. “Oh! Okay. Wow. I honestly didn’t expect something so not spineless out of you. But you’re going to want to set that on the table, apologize, and walk away, or else I’ll have to do something equally not spineless like, say, snap that muzzle right off your stupid face and shove it down your useless throat.”

Chappy’s eyes widened with an accompanying cocked eyebrow as he took a step back. “Seriously?”

"Did I bucking stutter?” Blazer answered with an oddly amicable sounding chuckle.

“No, not about that. Are you seriously going to get into a fight over a half full cup of punch? Because if a character I was writing did that, nopony would find it believable unless he was just looking for an excuse because of something else, and I really doubt you’d beat somepony up over ‘just a friend’. In fact, things are getting a lot clearer all of a sudden!” Chappy began, setting the punch cup back on the table and taking a step toward Blazer.

“Hey can I have that if you two are going to-” the stallion that had been in line behind Chappy chimed in before being swiftly silenced by two simultaneous seething stares. “N-nevermind!”

“Yeah, I can see it all now,” Chappy resumed wearing a glare of his own once the would be interloper had snuck away. “Cirrus Blazer as a freshman spots this lovely blonde mare and figures he’d like to have a go at that flank, so he’ll lavish time and attention on her until she gets the point instead of asking her out directly because none of us were born with spines, and not all of us had grown one by high school. I know I sure as hay hadn’t. So he keeps doing that for a while, but it’s not working. Eventually he gets the point, and then he moves on in a healthy matter, except for that Chappy stallion she kept bringing up. He subconsciously built him up into some kind of awesome super pony in his head, because if the girl he wanted was going to be with Chappy instead of him, Chappy must’ve been so incredible that he never would’ve stood a chance. Then he finds out tonight that Chappy's just me and that cuts him deep because how could any mare choose me over him? Obviously he can’t take this out on Poppy because that would be horrible, but he can take it out on me all he wants, which is still horrible but nopony gives a flying feather about two stallions fighting so why the buck not? But then he thinks that maybe he doesn’t have to take anything out on anypony if he could just make me break up with her. Then he could make sure she gets with another stallion that’s more up to his standards so that he could feel better, and he’s probably not going to say anything in reply to this because he knows I’m right.”

Blazer’s response was to spend a silent few moments regarding the unicorn with a contemptuous glower before he lifted him off his front hooves by the collar with one hoof and brought back the other in a bid to cave in his face.

Dress Destruction Detonation

“So then, to add a final cherry on top of that nightmare, I end the field trip by confusing a Ponet painting for a Rembridle in front of the entire class!” Poppy explained, laughing softly as she ended her story with what she assumed was a fairly amusing anecdote. Thunder Crackle just kind of stood there with a blank look completely failing to grasp why the joke was funny or the story interesting. Poppy took immediate note of this and prematurely terminated her laughter, choosing instead to clear her throat awkwardly. “I uh…guess you had to be there?”

“Yeah sorry it’s just, I’m not that big an art buff… or an art buff at all really, so I don’t even know who those ponies are,” Thunder Crackle apologized.

“It’s alright. I probably wouldn’t know the finer points of super storm busting either… although way more ponies would probably find your story more exciting,” Poppy admitted.

“Hey, if it makes you feel any better I have days where I wish I did something nice and calm like painting for a living,” Thunder Crackle offered as a catering pony rolled in a cart of freshly baked pastries and started cutting up pie slices to be arranged on the table next to which they were talking.

“Really?” Poppy replied, brightening a bit.

“Yeah! I mean, not often, but they exist. Like... maybe once every four months or something… maybe,” Thunder Crackle slowly dwindled, proving somewhat insufficient at all this reassuring business.

“Hmph,” Poppy responded with a slight frown. Her eyes briefly diverted up and to the side before her face lit up again. “Ooh, okay then! How about the time Chappy and I almost got thrown in prison?”

“Pfft, what?!” Thunder Crackled laughed incredulously.

“Yeah! Chappy actually got arrested but then... oh, uh… maybe I shouldn’t be telling this story,” Poppy stopped with a faint blush of guilt.

“Your call, but it sounds like an interesting one,” her companion added with a mischievous grin.

Poppy paused for another moment thinking it over before the smile crept back onto her face. “Weeeeell I guess if I edit out some details it would be okay.”

“Alright then, spill it!” Thunder Crackle encouraged, intrigued by what sort of antics that could lead to as calm a couple as them getting in trouble with the law.

“Hehe alright! Well it all started when Chappy was up really, really late trying to finish something by the dead... line,” she began before catching sight of the stallion in question and Cirrus Blazer engaged in a bit of discussion over by the punch table at the other side of the lawn. “Oh hey look at that! Our boyfriends are actually talking!”

Thunder Crackle blinked at the sudden topic shift before glancing over as well. “Oh yeah, that’s good. Maybe they’ll smooth out the wrinkles a bit. Didn’t sound like they hit it off too well in line, from what you told me.”

“That would be nice, then we could all hang out together!” Poppy added happily. However the faces of bother mares fell slightly when both of their beaus turned and glared down an interloper before resuming their discussion. Upon closer look the expressions they wore did not suggest anything becoming at all smoother.

“Oh, okay. Never mind,” Thunder Crackle said with a grimace.

“I should go over there I think,” Poppy said, taking a step before her friend stuck out a wing to stop her.

“No no no, trust me. I’ve seen plenty of stuff go down, and injecting a mare into that kind of situation almost always escalates things,” she explained quickly. It didn’t take long for the stallions to finish talking, and then stare each other down before Blazer grabbed Chappy by the collar.

“How about now? Can it escalate any further than that?!” Poppy asked urgently before Thunder Crackle responded with a grim nod. She growled in frustration and looked around, laying eyes at the uncut pies on the cart next to them.

“Uh, wait! Hey!” the catering pony piped up as she grabbed one.

“Fine then, if I can’t inject myself into the situation I’ll inject something else!” Poppy proclaimed before letting fly the fruit filled pastry.

——

“Hope you’re ready for an assault charge,” Chappy said dryly as he kept staring down the stallion that literally had him by the throat.

“Like you could afford any lawyer, let alone one better than mine,” Blazer taunted before the left half of his head suddenly disappeared beneath a mess of crust and fruit filling in a now somewhat bent aluminum pie tin, leaving both stallions mutually surprised and wide eye after the impact.

——

“Hey! Don’t throw pies at my boyfriend!” Thunder Crackle retorted indignantly after the unexpected display of pie marksmareship.

“Are you seriously getting mad at me when your boyfriend was about to-you know what? Fine, let’s just make it even!” Poppy snarled before grabbing another pie.

——

“What just happened?” Blazer asked perplexedly as bits of apple stuffing oozed down the side of his head.

“That was a pie,” Chappy didn’t so much answer as state his realization aloud. He turned to look in the direction from which the pie had come before his vision was suddenly and completely compromised by the bulls-eye impact of another flying confection, leaving another ruined pie tin skewered on his horn. “As was that,” he noted, voice muffled by the mass of baked goods on his face.

——

“And while we’re at it!” Poppy added, now thoroughly beyond the point of return on her pie chucking rampage as she grabbed a third despite the catering pony’s increasingly agitated protests.

——

“I’m sorry about all the comments earlier Sky Chirp. I admit I might just be down because of what’s been happening, and maybe I’m taking that out on you unfairly,” Star Beam began in apology.

“You think?” Sky Chirp deadpanned, having been left to talk with her ailing friend whilst Thunder Crackle and Poppy were off having a good time.

“I just want you to know that it’s coming from a good place though. We’re living in an unrepentantly mare-hostile world and we need to stick together against the oppression forced on us by all stallions and their inherent all consuming power,” she continued.

“Never mind the fact that the highest authority in the land and her sister are both mares,” Sky Chirp noted.

“Oh they’re just figure heads. You’ll see, when all the slovenly piggish stallions have been forced from society as they so rightly deserve-”

Sky Chirp’s eyes widened briefly as she saw something interesting a ways in the distance. She remained silent and retained her resolute expression however. Star Beam failed to notice the change on her friend’s face, so caught up was she with her explanation.

“-everything will fall into place, all problems will be swiftly solved, and everything will be bright and beautiful again without the scourge of equine kind known as stallions arou-” She was swiftly interrupted by a precision thrown apple pie hitting her square in the back of the head, leaving her to sit there with a stunned and horrified look on her face for a solid six seconds. The look of shock then turned into a scowl at the friend sitting across the table from her. “You saw that coming. Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Oh I don’t know, might have something to do with the single father and three older brothers that raised me, and how I love them all dearly,” she replied in mock contemplation, complete with diverted eyes and a hoof placed thoughtfully upon her chin.

——

“Wow…you’re good at that,” Thunder Crackle said, her ire at her boyfriend having been pied overwhelmed by the sheer force of how impressed she was at Poppy’s aim.

“Yeah, wow, thanks! I’ve never even practiced before now!” Poppy replied cheerfully.

“FOOD FIGHT!” a certain pink party stallion shouted out of nowhere, prompting both mares’ eyes to shoot wide open.

“Wait! No! I wasn’t trying to start a food fight!” Poppy called out in a desperate bid to halt what she had so unwittingly started.

“NOPETOOLATETHREE'STHELIMITFOODFIGHT!” the overly bubbly voice repeated. Somewhere in the crowd another pie hit an expensive dress, causing a mare to cry out in surprise and then retaliate. Then as the dominoes quickly fell, the air steadily filled with shrieks, laughter, and edibles of all sorts. Poppy and Thunder Crackle glanced worriedly at one another before taking off towards the tables, barely dodging out of the way of a barrage of bundt cake slices.

By sheer force of luck, the first wave of bored ponies that opted to join in on the confectionery conflict and start throwing whatever food was near at hoof hit Blazer far more than the already blinded unicorn in his grasp. The sheer concentration of food firepower broke the pegasus stallion’s focus and Chappy soon found himself with front hooves back on the ground, free of Blazer’s grip. He stumbled a few steps while still completely blind, hearing a few bits of food whizz past his head before he finally managed to partially regain his sight by dislodging the pierced pie pan off his horn with a strong shake. Noting that he suddenly had to squint more than usual, he realized his glasses had come off in the mush that had once been a proper apple pie, and bent down to retrieve them just in time for a cup of punch to fly through the air right where his head had been.

“Just keep running, I’ll flip over one of those tables!” Thunder Crackle took to the air and zipped on ahead as Poppy kept running, keeping low instead of pitting her comparatively lesser flying skills against the unpredictable battle going on around them. The super storm buster dodged and wove through a dense beignet hell and for a few seconds it looked as though she would weather the storm of strudel, but all hope was dashed as she was blindsided by a baklava. Landing briefly to try and get the bits of chopped nuts off her face, she didn’t stand a chance as a cherry pie tore through the air and struck her on the side just behind her wing, knocking her off balance and horribly staining her dress.

“No! Thunder Crackle!” Poppy cried out as she saw her friend cut down.

“Don’t bother, I’m done for! Keep going!” she ordered, stumbling a few steps while looking back at the grievous red stain on her dress. A second cherry pie impacted with her shoulder and sent her tumbling to the ground as red fruity filling and chunks of cherry flew everywhere in a grisly display of imminent overspending on dry cleaning and stain removal.

Still staying low, Poppy made sure that her friend’s tragic sacrifice would not be in vain, managing to get herself and her expensive dress over to the tables. She picked one out at the edge of the prom grounds and flipped it over, forming somewhat adequate cover behind which she could hide until the chaos she’d unwittingly unleashed died down. Risking a peek over the edge, she spotted her boyfriend wandering around seemingly looking for her, a pair of apple filling covered glasses floating nearby as he squinted as hard as he could.

“Chappy!” she shouted while waving her hoof, prompting his ears to perk up as his gaze snapped over to her. He started towards her at a trot, but then Poppy saw a pony in the crowd behind him with her eyes locked on the grey unicorn, a large slice of strawberry cake held maliciously in her hoof. “Behind you!”

Chappy turned to see the airborne pink pastry approaching, but it was stopped dead by the grip of a magical blue aura that destroyed its momentum before unceremoniously dropping it to the ground so that the unicorn responsible could duck behind the table with his marefriend, completely ignoring the cries of “CHEATER!” behind him.

“Thanks Poppy, I don’t know what the buck is going on!” he said, eyes focused on his glasses as he starting magically levitating all the sticky bits of pie off of them.

“I threw a pie at Blazer and now everything’s out of control and Elusive is going to kill me!” she wailed, holding her head in her hooves.

“What?! So you threw a pie at Blazer and then somepony else threw one at me, then obviously a third pie was thrown or else the food fight never would’ve triggered,” Chappy deducted as he gave one final squint at his glasses to check for anything he’d missed.

“Wait, how do you know that?” Poppy asked while looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“The third thing is always the thing that is different or interesting, as it takes a minimum of two previous things in order to set a pattern which you can then break with the third thing,” he explained as he put his glasses back on and blinked a few times. Things looked clearer though still a bit blurry from pie filling.

“This isn’t one of your books Chappy, or any book! Also yes that was totally some other pony that threw the other two,” she agreed with a scrunch faced side eyed ‘I threw two other things’ expression.

“And why would Elusive kill you anyway? Even if everypony here is wearing his merchandise they’ve already paid for it!” he asked further while sneaking a peak over the side of the table, letting out a small exclamation as he intercepted a blueberry pie that had been flung his way.

“You don’t know Elusive as well as I do…”

——

Subi looked at her boss with concern. They’d been burning some of the midnight oil trying to catch up on orders that had been temporarily set aside to finish the prom rush, and suddenly the white coated stallion had dropped everything he was working on and had gripped his head with a pained expression. “Uh…Elusive…are you alright?” she asked tentatively.

He slowly let go of his head and looked out a nearby window with a grave daze to his eyes. “It’s as if trillions of tiny little fibers cried out in terror, and were suddenly stained a garish color that in no way matches or complements the rest of their respective ensembles…”

——

“We should probably not stick out as a big target and hide under a different table,” Chappy recommended as he magically caught a pecan pie to go along with the blueberry pie.

“Right,” Poppy agreed before they waited for the attention of the various combatants to shift away from them long enough to sneak to an adjacent table that would be less conspicuous.

“If anyone finds us here we’re at least packing heat,” he said as he set the pecan pie in front of her, keeping the blueberry for his own defense.

Poppy sighed. “This would be so much more fun if I hadn’t seen how much you paid for these,” she mused sadly as she looked down at the dress she was wearing.

“Not for me, ponies with glasses can’t exactly enjoy the sort of fun that involves getting things thrown at your face,” Chappy pointed out, the couple wincing as some errant hors d'oeuvre landed on the top of their table.

“Oh yeah, breaking your glasses wouldn’t be very fun,” she replied with a nod.

…

“Maybe this whole thing really was a bad idea like you said. I can’t even decide if I pushed this for us, or to prove somepony else wrong anymore. I’m sorry I roped you into this,” she apologized while looking down guiltily at her pecan pie.

“Nope,” he answered immediately. She looked back up to see him looking out intently, unable to see through the tablecloth but still listening closely for events on the outside. “You didn’t rope me into anything. If I’d wanted to, I could’ve put my hoof down and not come. So I don’t accept your apology in the slightest, and you know what else? Maybe this idea turned out badly, but I’m still going to the Prance Prance Revolution tournament like we were talking about. If you’re doubting yourself, you can stay home and I’ll tell you about it when I get back.” He ended his reply with a sidelong look at her and a small smirk.

She was silent a few moments but then smiled and place her hoof on his. “Well if you’re going to be like that about it I guess I’ll have to just go along with you.”

“Guess you will.”

They waited a while longer, until the shrieks, wails, and laughter had died down to a series of various murmurs. It seemed the coast was relatively clear, and they prepared to emerge from their hiding spot when something strange happened that made them reconsider. Even the casual voices had died down, and there was the audible sounds of hoof falls closing in and spreading out around them.

“We know you’re in there! Come out and get what’s coming to you!”

“You don’t start a food fight and then just get away with it mess free!”

“You spoiled that whole book for us you big grey jerk!”

“Come out and we’ll open fire!”

“Don’t you mean come out or we’ll open fire?”

“No.”

The two hiding ponies looked at each other wide eyed before Chappy sighed and his horn lit up.

“I guess this was inevitable,” he muttered just loud enough for Poppy to hear as as the two pies floated into the air and were magically divided into eight pieces each.

“I’m not going down without a fight,” Poppy nodded with determination as she unfurled her wings and put four pecan slices on each, ready to be flung in a single delicious shotgun strike of pie.

“Not that it’ll make much difference, they’re all probably a mess already,” Chappy noted as his eight blueberry rounds of ammunition orbited him.

“Yeah but this is still more fun,” Poppy replied.

“Probably. Table’s up in three, take the ones on that side and I’ll take the ones on this side.”

“Got it.”

Three seconds later the crowd was shocked when the table glowed blue and shot up into the air. In their last stand, the two ponies managed to make a few blue and caramel colored marks on a few dresses and tuxedos. But the odds were simply overwhelming, and when the surprise wore off, the counter attack came. That was the last that anypony heard from them…

…until they had gotten all the food off of their faces. Talking through several layers of cake is kind of hard.

——

“Well, at least I get paid the same,” Flash Charge moped, trying to find a bright side in the sudden complete lack of couples wanting their pictures taken. It wasn’t very exciting work, but he still enjoyed getting just the right composition even for something so mundane as prom pictures. “Might as well pack it up.”

“Excuse me!” a mare called out as she approached with what he assumed was her prom date.

“Yes, miss?”

“Are you still taking pictures? We’d like to get one,” she explained with a bright smile on her face as Chappy caught up. He was no pegasus when it came to sprinting after all… or a pegasus at all, for that matter.

“Oh? That’s surprising, most everypony didn’t seem interested in getting a picture of themselves right after that ruckus, but sure. My stuff’s still all set up, just take your spot under that arch,” he replied while pointing to the arch in question.

“Hee, thank you!” she beamed, wings briefly lifting her off the ground as they flapped with excitement.

“You sure about this, Poppy?” Chappy asked whilst they made their way to the arch.

“Yes. I don’t care if we’re a mess, I want something from tonight to put on our mantle,” she affirmed enthusiastically.

“Alright now, that’s a good pose. Just inch over a smidge to the left… no, my left… perfect!” Flash Charge directed before setting up his camera and then moving behind it to peer through the lens finder for some last minute adjustments. “And smile for the camera!”

They did smile, but Poppy decided that the perfect addition would be a peck on her boyfriend’s cheek as the flash of the camera went off.

After giving the photographer pony an address to which their developed pictures could be sent, the young couple couldn’t help but notice that the party seemed to be winding down. A great many of the attendees had seen fit to take off early to grieve the heinous staining of their fancy dress clothes, leaving a bunch of ponies that couldn’t be bothered to care, the catering staff still scrambling about trying to fix everything, and one DJ who would go on to tell her room mate how the prom turned out to be way less lame than she had anticipated.

“Got your picture taken huh?” Thunder Crackle asked as she approached them, still bearing the large assortment of cherry pie stains she’d suffered earlier.

“Yep!” Poppy answered with a smile and nod.

“Heh, well suit yourselves I guess. I didn’t want to, considering how I look right now,” She looked back at herself with a brief grimace. “Anyway, me and Blazer are taking off and I figured I’d stop by and give you my mailing address. Write me sometime huh?” she continued, pulling a piece of paper from her saddlebag and offering it to her.

“I sure will Thunder Crackle, thanks! Say hi to Sky Chirp and Star Beam for me,” Poppy added before the two mares met in a friendly parting hug. “Have a good night!”

“Thanks, you too!” With that she took to the air again and departed, leaving the two alone again.

“Star Beam too?” Chappy asked with a raised eyebrow when Poppy’s new friend was out of earshot.

“Just being polite…besides, when she gets over the break up she might just be an okay mare for all we know. Now let’s go get my saddlebag. It’s been wonderful but I think I’m ready to go home, take a nice bath, and lounge around the house for the evening,” she said shortly before a soft yawn escaped her.

“That is the best thing you’ve said all night,” the grey unicorn agreed with a somewhat tired smile. After picking up their things they took one last look back at the slowly resolving prom and then made their way out the front gate heading to town.

“Hrm… maybe we could stop someplace for a bite to eat at one of those places that’s still open this time of night?” Poppy asked.

“What? You’re hungry?” Chappy replied incredulously.

“I could eat… none of the stuff they were serving was very appetizing after so much of it was thrown at us and all.”

“Oh, yeah. Good point…how about-”

“HEY CHAPPY! HERE’S YOUR PUNCH!”

“What the-” the grey unicorn started before being brutally cut off by a red hoof punching him in the side of his jaw. His head recoiled, his glasses went flying off his head, and he stumbled back a few futile steps before his brain decided to hang up the out of order sign, letting the rest of him collapse onto the grass.

“And see? I actually brought punch, it wasn’t just a pun about beating some sense into your worthless skull!” Cirrus Blazer said cheerfully, briefly shaking the impact pain out of his hoof before using the other to pour a cup of punch right onto Chappy’s head. “Yeah, good stuff isn’t it? Enjoy that, buddy.”

…

“Hello?”

…

Blazer poked the unicorn’s still form and then immediately started laughing. “Pfft hahahaha! Wow, you got knocked the buck out from that little tap? What a bucking gelding!”

“Get away from him!” Poppy shrieked as she rammed headlong into her former friend and stood over her boyfriend defensively, wings raised and teeth bared aggressively.

“Whoa whoa whoa, easy there Poppy! This was just between me and him, and judging from all the being conscious he’s not doing, I think it’s pretty safe to say I won. So that’s awesome. But something tells me you’re probably not going to want to talk to me ever again, seeing as I just dropped what could generously be referred to as your 'boyfriend' like a sack of potatoes that’s worth ten times as much as him. With that in mind, I’m gonna make tonight even more awesome and get something off my chest once and for all,” Blazer explained as he moved a few steps back and took a seat.

Poppy was quite obviously not keen on the idea of moving from her spot over Chappy, eyes glued to the red stallion.

“Alright then, peachy! I just wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my heart. See, deep down, I believe every one of us tries to get the best mate they think they can manage, because that’s just the drive right there. So in hindsight I’m just really, really thankful that you weren’t into me in high school, because otherwise I would’ve had to find out first hoof what is so messed up about you that that loser down there is all you think you’re worth.”

“Sounds like sour grapes to me,” Poppy snarled back.

“Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t! I don’t have to care anymore. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a verifiably great bunch of grapes probably still looking around for me at the prom grounds. You two have lovely evening, I know I have!” Blazer said before taking wing and leaving them behind.

She slowly eased down her defenses as he grew more distant, then finally hung her head with a long, sad sigh. She spent a few moments pondering things she could have said to him to really tell him off… but they weren’t coming to mind. She was mostly just glad the whole bitter, ugly thing was over. It was difficult to feel as though she’d lost a friend that night, because from the sound of things he’d never been that to her anywa-

“CAN OF LIGHTBULBS!” Chappy blurted out as he shot awake with a small flail of his hooves beneath her. “I… ow… what happened?” he asked after his good senses returned right and proper, bringing up a hoof to rub at his jaw.

“Some jerk I’m never going to talk to again punched my boyfriend, that’s what happened,” she growled as she backed off and helped him up, her angry face melting into one of concern. “Are you okay? Does it hurt? Do we need to go to the hospital? We should take you to the hospital. We’re going to the hospital!”

“Wait wait no, I’m okay.” He’d stopped her just short of starting to push him in the general direction of Ponyville General. “It hurts but everything still works, see?” He moved his jaw side to side demonstratively, and his enduring ability to talk was rather self evident by that point. “Just… help me find my glasses and let’s go home okay?”

“Okay,” Poppy relented as they split up and started searching.

Two minutes later and neither of them had seen anything.

“Any luck?” she asked.

“No, you?”

“Me neither, I just hope I don’t-”

There was a small crunching noise under her hoof at the very next step.

“-step… on them… accidentally,” she said through a grimace and then looked beneath her hoof. “Oh it’s just an acorn! Phew!” she added hastily with a relieved sigh.

“Yeah that didn’t sound like a lens breaking to me. A lens breaking is less hollow sounding and more like-”

There was a much different crunching noise under his hoof at the very next step.

“…that.”

——

“Thank goodness I brought your shades as a backup… or else you’d be tipsy and blind right now,” Poppy groaned as they made their way through the evening streets of Ponyville.

“Nice expositing, also they’re not shades they’re… you know what I don’t even give a buck right now!” Chappy chimed in cheerfully before taking another swig of whiskey. Public drunkenness was usually frowned upon but there seemed to be an unwritten consensus that ponies of age will do as they will after sunset. Besides, he’d just gotten decked right out of his skull and Poppy wasn’t about to object to him easing the pain a bit. At least she was there to make sure he didn’t wander off or anything.

“I still don’t see what you like about that stuff, it’s… icky,” she mused, making a face at the memory of having tasted it. Once. Ever. “Why do you drink it?”

“Well yeah it’s awful tasting and it hurts to swallow but uh… um,” he started before stopping and looking thoughtful a moment, as though his mouth had just outpaced his brain. “Oh! It’s like my brain is this box right? And when I’m sober there’s stuff pushing inward on each side, so to get it to move anywhere is a real hassle. But when I’ve had a bit to drink it’s like… like the force on a couple sides went down, so I can just… do and say stuff without all the mental horse apples… you get it?”

“Your… brain is a box?” Poppy replied with a slight head tilt.

“Totally. My brain is the brainest box what ever brained!” he answered without missing a beat before hiccuping.

“You dork,” she admonished with a smile.

“Actually, while I’m able to not think about it, I got a question for you since you had a question for me,” he continued on whilst leaning against a street lamp.

“Oh? Okay, what is it?”

“Why do you stay with me?”

“W…what?”

“Because trust me when I say that you could get some laughably more well off stallion than me for minimal effort. Like for instance there’s that dude behind you sneaking a peek at your derriere and then taking a look at me with a look of confusion kind of like 'how did that guy score that mare?’ And now he’s noticed I’m talking about him and it’s really awkward for him right now because he’s not drunk so he’s kind of trotting off at that sort of 'wanting to gallop but can’t without looking weird’ pace,” Chappy rambled before Poppy blinked and glanced behind her to see that there was indeed a stallion retreating from them at a brisk trot.

“I don’t understand, you were so confident before and now it sounds like you’re looking for a reason to break up or something,” she replied sadly, ears lowering.

“Pfft if I had to look for them I wouldn’t be bothering to ask, and for your information that last time I came up to allow you to dance with me, I had been intending to break up with you, at first, which changed obviously,” he blurted out casually.

“What?!”

“Yeah, me and Blazer got to talking, assuming talking is defined as me getting told, and I really couldn’t argue with anything he was saying. But one particular bit stuck out, and that was when he knew I’d never asked you that question before, because for all these years I’ve assumed you felt sorry for me, but I didn’t want to know for certain. So here I am, asking that question, because buck worrying about it anymore,” Chappy explained, his words suddenly flowing quite smoothly as thought they’d been waiting for a chance to escape.

Poppy stood there anxiously looking from Chappy to various spots on the ground and back again. Several times her mouth opened only to close again as she fidgeted. After a few uncertain moments she looked down at the cobblestone in front of her boyfriend quite intently. Blazer had apparently gotten something right when speaking to him so… maybe he’d gotten something right when talking to her as well. She mulled it over for a few moments more and then smiled as she looked her boyfriend in the eye again. “You’re weird.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. That’s the reason. Most of those stallions you’re talking about are expecting just a normal mare, and they’d probably take off once they found out even half the things you know about me. It’s not like you just put up with me either. You’re not even fazed by it that much, and you actually participate in a lot of it just to make me happy, if nothing else. So that’s why I stay with you. You’re weird like I am Chappy,” she elaborated, ending by giving him another peck on the cheek.

“Hrm… alright I'll take that one I guess,” he replied with an exaggerated placement of hoof on chin. “Now let’s get home so I can fall asleep in some location that is actually awful for sleeping but seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“And then in the morning I can make up stuff to tell you that you did last night since you can’t remember!” Poppy chirped happily as she lead him along.

“I’m not that drunk Poppy.”

——

“And then he spent the night sleeping on top of the washing machine,” Poppy concluded as Shoreline and herself waited for their lunch to arrive about a day and a half after the prom.

“Wow… maybe I should’ve gone to the prom after all,” the other pegasus said while staring at her friend in wide eyed disbelief.

“Maybe you should’ve, and from now on I’ll thank you to remember this story next time you feel like second guessing my choice in stallions,” she replied with a hint of smugness.

“Hi Poppy!” Bubblegum greeted in his usual overly enthusiastic fashion.

“Oh, hi Bubblegum!”

“Hello,” Bubblegum’s white coated companion deadpanned as he looked at the cream coated mare with an unnervingly neutral expression.

“And hello to you Elusi-ghk!” Her eyes shot wide open and her mouth scrunched shut in alarm at the sight of the fashionista whose work she’d been responsible for making a complete mess of the night before last.

“Bubblegum had quite the… interesting story for me regarding a certain recent event,” Elusive explained as the quiet fury of his gaze continued to bore a hole through the poor mare’s skull.

“Yeah! Was that totally great or what?!” Bubblegum asked with the expected energetic hop.

…

“ByeShorelineyoucanhavemylunchweshoulddothisagainsoon!” Poppy rattled off before rocketing off toward the highest cloud she could find.

The End