Dick Suck Culture

by An Intricate Disguise

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon
Length: 7952

Anon teaches Pinkie and Twilight what a blowjob is with a hooves on approach, learning in the process that mares can cum simply from having a dick in their mouth.

Anon teaches Pinkie and Twilight what a blowjob is with a hooves on approach, learning in the process that mares can cum simply from having a dick in their mouth.

Apparently, this is an important scientific discovery, one that will incur plenty of tests.

Co-Authored by Iorii!

Published 2018-02-19 07:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-19 07:00:06 UTC

The Stiffie Get Some Lickie

What a beautiful day to walk. The sun was shining its ultraviolet rays, the birds were chirping a chipper song in G major, and you were strolling through Whitetail Woods with a spring in your step, marvelling at the placidity of it all.

That serenity was shattered as you heard the screech of a pink demon, startling you from your reverie as you spotted two familiar mares in the distance. Apparently, you weren’t the only one aware of the benefits of an excursion—it was good for the soul, not to mention the fact that it got you away from the nonstop magical musical that was Ponyville for an hour or two. Unfortunately, the invaders of your peace and quiet were often the propagators of said numbers.

There they were, bookhorse and cocainepone, ambling through the epicentre of a dense thicket as they chattered amongst themselves, Pinkie regaling Twilight with her latest theory about the world being a snowglobe or some such shit. You really couldn’t be bothered to entertain the pair of them, so you kept your distance, careful not to make too much noise and give away your position.

As the two of them continued to speak, the conversation eventually drifted to you, which gradually expanded your ego until it resembled a waterlogged sponge. You liked to express an air of humility, but when you were hidden by a convenient bush, you didn’t need to worry about anyone bearing witness to your shit-eating grin.

“Anon doesn’t seem to like it when I hug him,” Pinkie sighed, her usual bounding bouncing boing traded out for a typical and traditional trot, something that would appear normal on any other pony, but almost looked sombre on her. “Whenever I go to do it, he tenses up! I don’t think he enjoys it at all…”

It was true, you didn’t. That was mainly due to the fact that whenever Pinkie hugged you, it felt as if she was trying to make fucking kindling out of your ribcage. You’d never approached her on the subject because you didn’t want to hurt her feelings, the only exception being that time that you ordered her to ‘stop fucking hugging you’ and called her a junkie afterwards for good measure.

In short, you knew how to exercise tact. From behind your bush, you could hear Twilight attempting to elucidate Pinkie on just why you might not have been so receptive to her hugs, carefully dancing around the fact that her earth pony strength made her extremely dangerous. Honestly, it was like she was Lenny and you were a rabbit waiting to be turned into paste whenever she wrapped those officious hooves around your chest, squeezing the living fuck out of you.

You heard Pinkie complaining some more, and quickly realised the reason behind her dismay. The sole cause of her dejection, the catalyst of her sorrow: “I can’t believe my hugs aren’t good enough for him!”

So that was it? No concern as to your feelings, no consideration whatsoever to how you might have felt when you were being put between the herculean hooves of a living trash compactor, just the fact that she wanted to feel self-assured in her snuggling ability? Oh, you were not going to be belittled like this, not after all of the bone crushing, organ squeezing embraces she had forced you through.

A malevolent smirk graced your lips as you began to think up a way to get even, your malicious side creeping out as you crafted a Machiavellian plot to turn the situation to your advantage, to leave the mare despondent and dispirited, to destroy her reputation and tarnish her—

Okay, too much. Let’s just get her to suck you off. That’ll work.

Deciding that now would be as good a time as any to butt in on their conversation, you popped out of the bushes that they just happened to be passing, your mien serious but nonetheless kind as you appeared before them, startling Twilight. "I couldn’t help but overhear you just now, Pinkie, and I feel as if I owe you an explanation.”

Twilight had just about finished recovering from her date with the dirt, brushing off her coat and trying to control her breathing along with the errant flapping of her wings as Pinkie sat on her haunches, apparently eager to hear what you had to say. Too eager. She didn’t have any idea what she was in for.

Clearing your throat, flexing your bullshit muscles, you met Pinkie’s striking blue eyes with a calm and level gaze. “You see, in my culture, handholding is seen as taboo, and hugging isn't an acceptable greeting." You sighed, shaking your head and looking solemnly at the pair.

"That's so sad..." Pinkie pouted, her tail flouncing against the floor as her bodacious mane blew in the gentle spring breeze. "Isn't that sad, Twi?"

"I agree, it is pretty sad to hear that," Twilight nodded, though you could see that curious, academic glint in her eye. She wanted to know more. "So... Just how did you say hello?"

"It was a special form of greeting," you said, glancing towards her. "But I don't know if you'd be able to pull it off. What was considered to be normal back home might be seen as strange and outlandish here, and I wouldn't want to upset either of you."

"Nuh-uh!" Pinkie yelled, rising to her full, approximately-at- your-waist height. "Whatever they could do for you back home, we can do here too! Just what was this special greeting that was so special, anyway?" Twilight nodded in agreement, her determination mirroring Pinkie’s.

"Well..." You turned to the side, attempting to look pensive, but in reality, you were trying to hold back a grin. "It's called a 'blowjob'."

"A blowjob?" the fluffy mares repeated in unison, their tails tapping together as they swilled the new word around like a sweet wine, testing the syllables. God, that was cute, but you had to retain your composure if this was going to work!

"The very same. An ancient practice propagated by the old ones and carried on throughout generations of my people, one that I'd like to share with both of you if you'll allow me the honour of instructing you."

Pinkie gasped and looked at you with a newfound glee. “Thankyouthankyouthannkyou! There’s nothing that makes my day like learning new ways to greet everypony!”

Twilight began shifting between her forehooves, lightly prancing in place as her features lit up.“An ancient practice? This could actually be an excellent chance to study human interaction! I’d love to participate too if you’ll let me?”

“Of course, Twilight. Anything to help a friend,” you said like the lovely person you were. “As I said, this is an act that you might consider strange at first, but I promise you that in my culture, it was totally natural. You promise you won’t react negatively?”

Both mares nodded vehemently, seemingly deadset in their conviction. There was no way they were changing their minds, Princess Friendship herself was hardly going to go back on her word, and Pinkie was too stubborn and one-track minded to reconsider anything. Besides, you doubted she was particularly averse to having foreign objects in her mouth. Like your dick.

You felt your mask of wistfulness dropping as your pants did the same, the wind lightly brushing against your balls as you felt the air rushing through your crotch. It felt good to be getting back to nature.

Twilight’s face immediately turned into a deep shade of red, and she half-heartedly covered her eyes, although you could see her peeking past her hoof, as any sane mare would. “A-Anon! Why do you have your penis out?!”

You could see the lustful glint in her eye, and with it, your ego gained an extra few pounds as you gave the blushing mare—a deep scarlet mixing in with her purple fur—an amused look, the edges of your lips creeping further up your face. “It’s a part of the greeting, Twi.”

You waved them over, your semi-hard cock swinging back and forth even as the doe eyes on it caused it to stiffen and twitch in anticipation. “Now, I can’t demonstrate what a blowjob is, but I could describe it to you and give you a chance to try it out yourselves?”

The two mares approached you apprehensively, giving both you and your dick questioning glances. Twilight leaned forwards, barely having to bend her head due to her perfect height, took a deep breath, and exhaled forcedly onto your confused schlong, which began to wither and soften in the face of your steadily rising laughter. “Twilight, what the fuck are you doing?”

Twilight reeled back with a clumsy step, her eyes flickering between your now limp dick and your questioning gaze, her lip lightly quivering as if she had just been told she was late on a book fee. “W-what do you mean? You said it was a ‘blowjob’, so I thought you were supposed to blow on it an-”

You shake your head, slapping your cock against her cheek in an effort to assert dominance and remind her of its presence, but also because you think her fur is really soft and you need to get this thing hard again somehow after her display of idiocy. Christ, if you wanted to get blown by a naive mare, you would have gotten with Derpy.

...Eh, who were you kidding? Derpy was a total slut. Anyways, back to the blowjob at hand. “You got one thing right: you’re going to have to use your mouth.”

“I assumed as much. It only made sense, considering that semantically, the word ‘blow’ has roots in—”

Smack went your cock against her cheek, silencing her with the exception of a small, adorable gasp, her eyes widening and her body tensing. “Can we save the linguistics seminar?” you said with a titter, though the narrowing of your eyebrows made it clear that you really didn’t want to hear it. Luckily, Twilight seemed to catch on fairly quickly. “Anyways, if you’re done trying to guess at how to practice an art, allow me to fill you in. First off, the aim of the blowjob is to establish a feeling of equilibrium and satisfaction between the giver and the receiver, and in doing so strengthen their bond.”

“Oh! Oh! Does that mean that if we blow you good, we’ll be better friends?” Pinkie asked, surprisingly grasping the terminology with ease.

You nodded, thankful that someone was at least beginning to grasp it, even in a silly and rudimentary way.

“Also, also! Can you smack my cheek with your ding-a-ling too?”

You shrugged, stepping a little closer to Pinkie’s waiting fuzzy muzzle and giving her a light tap with your shaft, but she only seemed unimpressed by your efforts.

“That’s it? When you did it to Twi-Twi, I’m sure I heard somet-”

You spun your cock around a few times to gain some momentum while she was rattling off her bullshit, before sending it straight towards the pink pony’s muzzle like a surface to air dick missile. A nice, solid thwack resonated from the slap. The sound reverberated through the trees, causing a few leaves to fall and surrounding wildlife to flee in terror.

“Was that a blowjob?”

You tried your hardest not to give Twilight a deadpan stare. You failed. “Christ, didn’t your mother teach you anything growing up? No, Twilight, that was not a blowjob.”

Twilight huffed at her ineptitude, she clearly didn’t like not being able to deduce something herself. “Well, are you going to give me some kind of learning aid or not?” She narrowed her gaze, staring at your chilly, turtle-necking dick as she tried to work out what the fuck she was meant to do next. Needless to say, she didn’t do shit.

“This time, how about you listen first?” you sighed, irritated that you had to treat these mares like children. You grabbed your cock in your hand, giving it a couple of soft pumps to try and get some blood back into it, looking at each of the mares in turn. Hell, just looking at them was helping, and luckily their bodies didn’t have personalities, so they were quite hot when they weren’t talking.

“You already know what this is,” you said, motioning to your hardening shaft, which Twilight now stared at without any form of restraint, clearly as excited as she was embarrassed. Pinkie was essentially salivating by now, which would be pretty unbecoming if you weren’t about to stick your cock in her mouth. “But knowing how to interact with it is what you’re lacking. The cock is a delicate muscle, one that responds well to certain stimuli, but badly to others, make sense?”

Twilight nodded, but Pinkie cocked her head with a bemused stare, wide-eyed. Turning to Pinkie, he said: “Basically, Pinkie, it feels good when you take it in your mouth and suck on it, using your tongue is good too. Those are the basics. You don’t bite it, you don’t pull on it too hard, you treat it as the delicate and sensitive appendage that it is, got it?”

“You mean like this?” Pinkie asked as she ran forwards, closing the distance between you in a flash as she raised your cock with a hoof, aligning it with her mouth and sliding it all the way into her muzzle. The soft, velvety walls of her throat contracted around your cock as she looked up to you with sparkling, excited eyes, sweetly suckling on your tip as she took your entire length without instruction or provocation.

You could already feel a familiar buildup inside you, beginning to rumble and burn in the pit of your stomach and then jutting out as your balls tightened and you squeezed your eyes shut in a moment you could only describe as glory.

You hadn’t had your cock sucked in weeks, and there was something about Pinkie’s mouth—its softness, its snugness—that was different to any woman you’d ever met, her size and the length of her tongue titillating your senses as you looked down at her enthusiastic tongue lapping, feeling your cock beginning to pulse as you emptied your load into her waiting, eager mouth.

She took every spurt you had down her little throat as you shot her full of your seed, the thick and juicy liquid filling her as you felt the fourth burst in a row leaving you, her cheeks bulging as you continued to cum for her. She’d asked for it, after all, shouldn’t have shocked you like that.

Right when you felt on the verge of passing out, she relented, pulling back and allowing you to shoot the final remnants of your load all over her cute face, getting it all in her mane and glazing her like one of those doughnuts she was so fond of. God, she looked sweet like that.

Your panting subsided as the last, pathetic dregs of your load dripped from the end of your cock, and only as your regained cognisance did you notice that Pinkie was covered in more than just your cum, but laid in a puddle of her own juices, a soft and continuous moan carrying from her throat in a yearning lilt as she twitched in place, her tail repeatedly tapping against the ground as her eyelids fluttered. “F-fuck… What was that?”

You took a few seconds to regain your breath, staring critically at Pinkie and trying to work out the same thing. You didn’t get very far. “Fuck if I know,” you admitted. “But shit, Pinkie, why didn’t you warn me you were gonna do that?!”

“W-well—” Pinkie was stifled by another moan, one that almost sounded involuntary. “F-fuckballs. Throat feels… Really, really gooooood~”

You gave a questioning glance towards Twilight, seeing her looking at her friend with a mixture of worry and immense interest. “Anon, that thing you just did. Do it again.”

“Wait, shouldn’t we check on Pinkie?” you asked her, worried the mare might drown if you left her in her current state. Pinkie’s moans and attempts to get your dick in her mouth again threatened to break your train of thought, so you simply shoved your hand over her mouth, silencing her.

“She’ll be fine, she’s just cumming—” Twilight paused, looking to Pinkie with a raised eyebrow, “—like a bucketload. She doesn’t look like she’s having a bad time though.”

Looking to Pinkie, you could indeed confirm that she was definitely enjoying herself. That said, she was a little fucking weird. Who the fuck orgasms from giving a blowjob? “Hold on, Twilight. What do you want me to do specifically?” This wasn’t exactly going to plan. One minute you were teaching these girls how to suck dick, the next it was double premature ejaculation galore with one of the participants FUBAR. Not that you were necessarily complaining.

“Uhm, just stand there. I need to check something.” You felt slightly perturbed as Twilight took your slab of cock in her hoof, glancing it over with something between nervousness and wonder. Then, with total disregard for your refractory period, she began to jerk it back and forth with slow motions, looking up at you and watching how your face changed.

Luckily, her hooves were soft as fuck and you’d always had a thing for nerdy girls, so you quickly stiffened in her hoof, causing her to grin. “There, first phase is out of the way. Now, let me just…” She didn’t dive straight in like Pinkie but rather gave your head a small lick, causing your cock to bounce upwards and tap her tongue out of reflex.

Satisfied, Twilight began to bring her mouth forwards and down onto your shaft, not gobbling it up like Pinkie, but slowly and incrementally taking more and more of your length until she reached about halfway before giving an experimental flick of her tongue. It did wonders for you, but she appeared to be fine.

A frown in her eyes that couldn’t be met by her lips (due to your cock in her mouth), she inched her way further down until she had almost reached three quarters of the way, when suddenly and violently she ripped herself away, her eyes wide as she coughed and sputtered, panting and shaking her head. “Wh-why does that feel so good?”

Looking at Twilight, you saw that she too had started to drip, a small layer of moisture running down her hind legs as she scrutinised your dick with a lustful stare. “Are you alright?” you asked, knowing it was probably an idiotic question, but wanting to be sure you hadn’t poisoned her or something.

“Y-yeah, it feels a little strange to talk, but I don’t think I got it as bad as Pinkie.” She finished this sentence with a motion to the mare, who was literally dribbling your cum and pawing the ground like an animal cub, completely dazed. “Your penis, it does something to our throats… I don’t know, it almost feels like sex, but different.”

You went to open your mouth, but Twilight cut you off by snapping ‘yes I know what sex feels like’ and you quickly shut up. How did she know what you were going to say? Maybe she isn’t a total prude. What a surprise.

Or maybe she just learned it from her books. That one’s more likely. What a fucking dweeb.

“Anyway, the point is, this isn’t documented anywhere,” Twilight continued, her eyes alight with a mixture of joy and arousal as she shook her flanks in excitement. “No one has ever even commented on this before!”

You stifled a snicker. “You mean in your books, where you learned about sex?”

“Yea-no!” Twilight stammered, shifting on her hooves as her ears folded back. “I mean in official, scientific papers! This is a totally new discovery! Don’t you know what this means, Anon?”

“Uhh…” Turns out you didn’t.

“It means that your special greeting could be a huge development for Equestria!” Softly biting her bottom lip, she glanced up at you. “I know you never intended it to be a sexual thing, but it looks as if this could be a groundbreaking discovery for recreational sex! Hypothetically, when a mare applies a significant amount of pressure to your penis, she and you ejaculate at the same time, and there’s no risk of pregnancy! Also, it’s faster and cleaner than sex, because the mare can just swallow your load!”

Twilight. Twilight, Twilight, Twilight… You are fucking beautiful sometimes. Take back everything from earlier, you fucking love this dweeb. “That’s actually a really good point,” you said with a nod. “I never even considered the idea of a blowjob being used for sexual gratification. You’re a genius, Twilight.”

Of course Twilight blushed from your comment, redder than a goddamn beetroot. “I mean, it’s still only a theory. we’d have to run extensive tests in order to come up with a definitive result, if you catch my drift...” Twilight said this whilst giving you the most studious attempt at bedroom eyes you’d ever seen. It was strangely endearing, not to mention that you definitely weren’t softening anytime soon, considering what you imagined these ‘tests’ might entail.

“You mean you’ll have to suck my dick some more, right?” I mean, you were pretty sure, but you just wanted to set that in stone.

“Well, yeah. For research purposes.” She seemed to affirm herself with a small nod, as if she wasn’t so convinced at first. “That and no other reason.”

“Don’t forget about the greeting!” Pinkie piped up, finally standing straight again, though her legs still quivered and she didn’t seem to have finished leaking just yet. “Fwooboy, that was better than lava cake. No joke. And I Celestia-damned love lava cake. More than Pound and Pumpkin Cake, in fact. Tartarus, I even love it mo-”

You slammed your hand over her mouth again. She’s clearly spunk drunk. “Open your mouth again, and you’re not getting anything in it. Capiche?”

The pink mare instantly nodded. At least you know two ways to get her to stop talking now.

You turn towards bookhorse. “Your house?”

She nods, and you see her bite her bottom lip and rub her hind legs together, her blush becoming more intense than you previously believed possible.

This is gonna be good.

An hour ago you were going for a simple walk in the sun. Now you were sat in Twilight’s bedroom, preparing to have your cock ravaged for the sake of the biggest sexual advancement in Equestrian history. Ponyworld was strange.

Twilight had left the room to ‘freshen up’, whatever the fuck that meant. In your head, you liked to imagine she was rubbing a quick one out just to make sure she could contain herself when it came to the main event, but she might have actually been powdering her nose, who knew.

Pinkie was probably powdering her nose. Fucking junkie.

Meanwhile, you were sitting on Twilight’s bed, letting your dick have a little R&R before Twilight’s ‘research’ started. You still weren’t completely convinced that research wasn’t another way of saying ‘a convenient excuse to suck you off’, but you didn’t care either.

Twilight emerged from her en-suite bathroom within a couple of minutes, Pinkie in tow. The mares both looked reasonably flustered, but you could understand that considering your now fully naked form. “So…” Twilight started, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Did you wanna go a little slower this time? Guide us through the motions?”

Jesus, you thought they’d never ask. Hey look, they weren’t trying to go completely gung-ho on you anymore, maybe you wouldn’t cum in five seconds this time. “Alright, I’ll let you try first, Twilight. Pinkie doesn’t seem to even have a gag reflex if last time was any indication, so it’s best if I show you the ropes first, she’s not going to have half of the issues you are.”

Twilight gave Pinkie a slightly envious look, but Pinkie looked more jealous that she was getting the first turn. Stepping over to the foot of the bed, you shifted forwards and allowed your legs to hang, your feet touching the floor as the cock between your legs swang back and forth, cushioned by your balls. “Now, the thing you’ve got to understand is, a blowjob isn’t just about this,” you grasped your cock as you said so, “but it’s about these too. It’s about teasing and exciting the senses, using every technique you can.”

“But I don’t know any techniques…” Twilight whined, her eyebrow raising as she looked him up and down. “What if I mess it up?”

“I’m going to guide you, alright? First off, the most important thing about a blowjob is to make sure that my penis remains wet and slippery all over at all times. You can lick it, slobber on it, put it in your mouth, or even spit on it if you wanna get dirty, but it only feels good if it’s nice and wet.”

Twilight didn’t need to be told twice, leaning forwards and dribbling a small layer of spittle onto your now stirring cock, rubbing the liquid in with a hoof as she looked up at you. “Just like that?”

“Exactly like that,” you grunted, her hoof the plushest thing that had ever graced your length, now for the second time. “The other thing you need to keep in mind is that this act is a share of control, and also an exercise of trust. You can take over, or you can allow me to take over, but what shows that you understand your partner is recognising what pleases them. If I react well to something, that means you’re doing well. If I’m not reacting so much, or I look in pain, that’s a good indication to stop.”

“So, if I do this, how am I meant to know if you like it?” Twilight asked, taking her tongue and trailing liquid pleasure over your cock from base to tip, licking around your head and flicking over your tip as she stared up at you before reversing the motion, brushing down and past your shaft, down to your balls as she hummed out in a soft cadence.

“I’ll—fucking hell—tell you, alright? That was good… that was good. Do more of that.”

“How about this?” Twilight mused, planting a small kiss against your balls as she placed a hoof on your thigh, licking from one to the other and then nipping up and down your thigh as her hoof caressed it, slowly arriving back at your balls and giving them one long lap, dragging up and up, past your shaft and all the way to your head, finding a little of your precum presenting itself, ready and waiting to be tasted.

Of course, she indulged, leaning forwards and placing her mouth over you, a soft and distinct hum reverberating through your twitching cock as she lapped up the smooth, silky residue, coating your tip in her saliva as she licked it all up like a good little bitch.

You slowly regained control of your fluctuating breath, glancing down at Twilight with an awestruck smile. “The last thing I expected was a blowjob goddess to take over your body.”

“I mean, I am an alicorn, which is kind of a goddess?” Twilight said with that adorable expression on her face that only really shined when she’d recently had cock in her mouth. Your cock, specifically.

“Why does Twilight get to have all the fun?” Pinkie shoved Twilight out of the way, firmly planting herself in front of your shaft. I mean, hey, you weren’t gonna refuse her enthusiasm, nor the mouth that seemed capable of devouring eight inches like an ice cream cone. Pinkie took a sample of your precum, swilling it around in her mouth like some kind of professional whiskey taster, ‘mhh’ing and ‘ahh’ing at the taste, one she was definitely beginning to enjoy.

You wanted to grab her hair and shove her down onto your painfully hard member, but you held some restraint — they still had to properly learn what to do, and you didn’t want the pink pony to be a quivering mess on the floor for another 10 minutes.

Holding her by the head, you slowly led her down to your pulsating erection. “Alright, I want you to try and emulate what you did earlier. Just wrap your mouth around my cock, slowly slide up and—ohhhh fuck...” You sat there in ecstasy as the party ponker did exactly as you instructed, placing her tender, loving mouth around you and slowly shifting her head up and down, up and down... Her tongue massaged your tip as she manoeuvred around, slathering the rest of your cock with her warm saliva.

You pushed her a bit further each time, your arms tensing up, and you felt her twitch with more intensity on each slide down, her throat tightening around you like a vice as your mutual pleasure gradually congealed with each salacious slurp and sip of your seeping seed, her sucking and squalling solidifying your sordid satisfactions.

You fought through the urge to take control, to push her down and fuck the shit out of her throat, to own her and dominate her, to give Twilight a real example of what the fuck a blowjob was, because you were a nice guy and you were a little afraid of alicorn magic. Instead, you laid there and took it as Pinkie’s moans increased in volume with each dip of her head, each small choke as your tip hit the back of her throat and she neglected to come up for air, too focused on giving you every ounce of her seemingly boundless energy.

You knew she had to be getting off by now, but she seemed to have it a little more under control this time. Maybe she’d adapted to it, maybe she was just putting on a brave face, but you were determined to test the waters.

An evil smirk on your face, you pushed forwards with a small thrust, bucking your hips and pushing your cock deeper into Pinkie’s maw, and the effect was instantaneous. She froze up, her eyes widening as you saw her literally squirt onto the carpet behind you, drawing Twilight’s gaze away from your cock for the first time in a straight minute.

“Anon, that’s it! That’s one of the things we need to test!” Twilight said with a perverse energy, nearing you and standing between you and Pinkie, who was still lightly spasming from your singular thrust. “We need to see just how much stimulation you can give a mare orally, so whatever you just did, do it again?”

You looked to Pinkie; you may have been an asshole, but you wanted to make sure that she was fine with this. The want in her dilated pupils told you she most certainly was, or maybe it was the cocaine. Maybe even both. That must be one hell of a dual sensation.

You slid Pinkie down your shaft as she began to shiver from the feeling, her legs buckling. Suddenly, she seized up as she squirted again, and Twilight started writing something down on a notepad that appeared out of damn nowhere. You glared at her, brow askew. “Christ, you really know how to ruin the mood, don’t you?”

Twilight’s eyes flicked up to you for barely a second before returning to her notes. No response, no reaction, just the continuation of pen and pad. You sighed, returning your gaze to the pink horse on your dick. Her cheeks were stretched wide from the mouthful you’re giving her and her eyes lacked any sort of focus.

Hell, maybe there was moonshine in your cum. Whatever, time to kick things up a notch. Grabbing the back of her mane, you lifted her back before forcing her down on your cock, impaling her with your entire length as you felt her throat spasm against your tip. She actually looked as if she was struggling to breathe now, holy fuck. Had you finally broken her invisible gag reflex?

Time to find out. Motioning her head up and down as her body went limp and surrendered to your instructions, you pulled her head up and down like perfect pink pony fucksleeve, thrusting deeper and deeper into the back of her throat, the idea of coating her insides and giving her a stomachful of your sperm gradually growing more appealing with every passing second as all the while Twilight watched and scribbled, watched and scribbled.

You were seriously getting into it right now, Pinkie barely cognizant as you continued to push yourself further, pounding her mouth like she so clearly wanted, hearing every muffled shriek and watching her snout make adorable little flares whenever you pushed forwards, clearly the only way she could still breathe. A small, evil part of you considered cutting off her air supply for a few moments. Would it be so terrible to choke the junkie as she choked on you?

Nah, you didn’t wanna use her up too quickly. Moving back until her tongue brushed against your tip, lightly pressing up as she panted from the second of oxygen, you forced your way back in, limiting her reprieve as you massaged her throat with long, deep strokes of your thick cock. There was a semblance of music in the room, the sound of Pinkie’s groans trilling onto your tip, the tap of her tongue against your throbbing cock as you pulled back, and the torturous tutting of Twilight as she continued to consider and record everything, studying and scrutinising your sexual prowess.

This made you pretty pissed, being judged like that, so you decided to do something about it. Unfortunately, your anger also translated to your speeding up in your motions, banging Pinkie’s throat into next week as her ears pinned against her head, the carpet now soaked in her still leaking juices—how did she produce that much?

With a powerful push, you bucked your hips just as you forced her head down, reversing the rhythm so she couldn’t move back or come up for air, keeping her pinned on your dick like a pony flagpole as your cock beat in her mouth, her eyes watering as she struggled to maintain the position.

After about ten seconds of having your cock cuddled by the softest aperture known to man, you relented, releasing her mane. She fell back with a heavy pant, her breathing erratic as she fell into a pool of her own cum, writhing around in it like a total slut as her breathing slowed, her eyes beginning to look faint. You were barely holding up yourself, fuck that felt good.

There, that’s one thing out of the way. Next, you grabbed Sparkle’s notes and tossed them across the room. “Twi, I think it’d be better for your ‘research’ if you experienced the whole thing first hand.” You grabbed your new sex toy and carried her over the bed before placing her in front of where you had seated yourself and rubbing your dick against her cheek. “Open up?”

Twilight gave you a sharp glare but took you in her mouth easily enough. Her head glided much like Pinkie’s, but with less blind enthusiasm and more precision, her tongue hitting all of your most sensitive points and causing you to let loose a short series of husky moans, gradually increasing in intensity as she increased her pace.

Instead of the softness of Pinkie, the depths of Twilight’s throat was silken and moist, and with each slide of her tongue, you could feel yourself finding it harder and harder to contain your growing urge to bust in her mouth, to give her something to swallow.

You gripped the back of her head, quickly pulling her down as she continued to suffocate your cock with warm, sticky moisture. The purple pony shook in surprise and attempted to push herself off of you, but you held firm, continuing to pump her up and down your cock. You fucked into her with wild abandon, a billowing heat rising inside of your stomach as her electric tongue shocked your senses, bringing you ever-so-closer to the edge you’d felt coming ever since Pinkie brushed against your length for the first time.

Twilight was already completely gone, her escape attempts faltering to the point that she was only able to weakly paw at your leg, her fur tingling against your thigh as you spurred yourself on, driven by the grip of her lubricious throat and the timid brush of her hoof as she allowed herself to be utterly taken control of, her hooves buckling as she attempted to stay upright what with the steady stream of marecum now gushing out of her.

You couldn’t bear to look at it anymore, to feel it, to be caught in this perfect moment and hold off on your peak any longer. You were on the precipice of explosion, your mind shattered by these amazing mares and their equally amazing tongues, and you thought it was about time you gave Twilight something for all of her hard work.

You pulled her off of your cock and held her jaw open with a thumb, shooting your hot, steaming load all over her face as she feebly flinched in protest, her eyelids fluttering even as her pussy dripped against the carpet, the solitary moment an eternity of holy fuck as you ascended to a state transcending the physical, the possible, the tangible, breaking the limit on how fucking good a guy could feel as you splashed your reward all over her needy face, just like she deserved.

The first spurt missed her mouth, instead coating her face with cloudy white and causing Twilight’s tongue to loll from the sudden scent, rapidly cooling, creamy cum coating her cheeks. Your second shot landed straight in her mouth, covering her tongue and glazing the inside of her mouth; she closed it by instinct, swallowing the lot.

The image of her swallowing your load only intensified the feeling shooting through your body as you tapped your cock against her closed muzzle, a spray of droplets leaking from your tip and coating her face as her tongue quickly moved to lap up the mess. You jerked yourself dry for her, making sure to cover her entire face until your cum dripped from her fuzzy fur, her chest rising and falling at an incredible speed as the last of your orgasm finally faded.

You felt yourself fall back onto the bed with laboured breaths, your energy spent. Your heart was pounding in your chest, but you couldn’t help but smile as you watched Twilight lick up the last remnants of your seed—you’d done good, soldier.

Some shuffling broke you from your trance, and you pushed yourself up to see Pinkie through some miracle having recovered from her cum coma. Ignoring you entirely, she stumbles over to her purple friend and gazes into her eye for a moment before locking lips with the dazed alicorn. You could swear you felt time slow from the intensity of her kiss, your poor tortured cock waking once more. Could you really go for three?

Pinkie began assaulting Twilight with a barrage of French kisses, barely pausing to take breaths before diving right back into her full frontal assault. The pink pony’s tongue pushed past her purple lips and towards the pit of her throat, licking and stabbing at her as she tried to syphon out any measure of cum she could.

Twilight appeared to briefly die. Like literally, it looked as if life completely left her, and as soon as Pinkie pulled back she let loose a lengthy huff, her eyes shining with what could only be described as post-orgasm divinity; if there was an ascension past alicorn, she would have just had it with how much she came, squirting a tenth of her body weight, soaking the carpet as her pussy acted like a fire sprinkler, extinguishing any hopes of you not hardening again.

Did Pinkie just… tonguefuck her? Holy shit, that’s hot. Ridiculously hot. You guessed there really were no limits to pony erogenous zones, just like there seemed to be little limit to how much they could turn you the fuck on.

Twilight wasn’t taking that laying down. Or rather, she wasn’t taking it quivering and shooting a progressively increasing amount of her juices all over the floor. Still trailing cum down her legs, she returned the gesture, starting with a simple, sweet kiss, her tongue softly rubbing against Pinkie’s as they shared a moan between their mouths.

The euphoria of their mutual sensation was only heightening as Twilight pushed her tongue further, wriggling deeper into Pinkie’s mouth, exploring every crevice as she forced Pinkie to let loose a long, powerful purr, her tail swirling in small circles as light jets of her juices matted it.

If you were to die today from these mares, it was all worth it if only for that image.

Summoning the power that resided deep inside of you (you carried on writing at four am), you brought your somehow semi to an upright position, watching the mares play tongue hockey with soft and lavish licks as you pulled back your foreskin, practising that up and down motion your hand was so acquainted with.

It didn’t take you long to get back into the swing of things; they were completely drenched, and it was a feast on the eyes. You whistled, hoping to get their attention, but they were so enveloped in the trancelike state of back and forth kisses and licks and throat plunder that you were fairly sure they’d forgotten you existed. That wouldn’t do.

Standing, you rushed over to them, part of your pride wounded that you’d been reduced to going to them, the majority of you telling your pride to shut the fuck up and stop being a gay little bitch as you planted your cock in front of the mares, both of their tongues sliding against it as you parted the red sea of tongue with your meat.

They turned to you, kissing and sucking at the sides of your cock in a rhythmic fashion, wrapping their lips around both sides as a perfect unit as they began to move up and down its length in opposite directions, one heading down to your balls for a taste, the other giving your tip a tongue bath and planting your cock firmly in her mouth before pulling back and motioning Pinkie’s head up with a hoof, starting at the base and working their way up to the tip, as well as eleven out of ten on the sensation scale.

Everything’s better when you do it together, and these two definitely knew how to do it together. They lapped at your cock like a pair of thirsty, needy puppies desperate for your satisfaction and approval, driven by insatiable lust as they planted kisses on your shaft, Pinkie dragging her bottom lip up and brushing it against your head as Twilight in a moment of adventure lightly bit down on your thigh, the mixed pain and pleasure coalescing to form something that a poet might refer to as rapture, but you just called ‘fucking amazing’.

You really weren’t prepared for what came next. Pinkie and Twilight began to snake their tongues over and around your cock, slowly making out with each other around it even as they continued to rub their wet, smooth tongues over you, working up to your head and smooching around it as their lips lightly smacked against you, incorporating your precum and letting strings of it sit between their mouths and your cock as you lost all control, grabbing your cock and jerking it onto their mouths as they relentlessly kissed and licked and sucked…

You thought you had seen everything, but this was something new entirely. To think that your day had started with a simple walk, yet look how far you had come, look how close you were to busting again, this time all over the pair of them as they restlessly worked on you and each other like good friends often do.

Pinkie Pie, the mare that could fit anything in her throat and keep going after twenty rounds was moving like a pornstar, no limits, no restraints, and Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Blowjobs herself, her wings fluttering as she stamped her hind leg, her eyes tightly bunched shut as she nurtured your cock, bringing you closer and closer…

You couldn’t handle it anymore. For the final time, your balls tensed before unleashing wave after wave of liquid brilliance onto the two of them, covering their faces and basting them in your cum. They didn’t even break their kisses, too immersed in their enjoyment as they continued to be blasted by every last string of your cum, some landing between their tongues as they lapped it up and fought over it.

Fuck, that was perfect. After they’d came two or three more times—which really didn’t take long—Twilight got to cleaning up the room, which really was a small spell to wipe some of the cum away. She seemed too exhausted to do anything else. The three of you laid on the carpet snuggled together, a wide grin on each of your faces as you considered how your discovery would better Equestria, as well as your now drastically improved sex life.

Suddenly, you heard the door to the room swing open and a voice tear through the lovely afterglow that you and the girls were coming down from. Is every being in the world just born with complete retardation to noticing social cues?

“Twilight? Pinkie? Anon? What are you doing on the floor?” Some loud sniffs. “And why does it smell so much of sweat and...cum? Were you guys having sex?”

You groan, managing to push yourself up into a sitting position, but before you’re able to answer, Pinkie bounced up onto all fours, somehow in her normal state. How did she recover so quickly? “Oh, oh, Spikey! You won’t believe this, Anon just showed us the greeting that humans do!” She turns towards you with a grin on her face. Oh no. Please don’t say what you think she’s going to say.

“Why don’t you show him, Anon?”

You grab your clothes and begin power walking the fuck out of there. Right as you pass through the doorway, you feel yourself leave the comfort of the ground as Twilight drags you back into the room with her magic. “Come on, Anon, teaching everyone how to greet you will make you much more comfortable here, right?”

…

Hopefully, he doesn’t bite.

Author's Note

Iorii: You waved Twilight over “Ay bby, Imma respect tha fuk outta u”

AIDS: “Bich u can’t respect me I ain’t ur race”

Iorii: You then proceed to stick ur peepee in her ponut. She gets pregant and you have deformed monstrosities

AIDS: Why Kilted’s peepee hard now?

Iorii: I’m getting delirious I think. This shouldn’t be funny

AIDS: We’re completely fucked at this point

AIDS: Let’s just publish it with this part left in

Iorii: Cumming in the Mail already did this meme though

AIDS: Guck deq whatever I wasn’t fixing that. Uhh, Author’s Note?

Iorii: Sure whatever

AIDS: People need to know the creative genius that went into… whatever the fuck we’re calling this

Iorii: dicc succ culture™

AIDS: Is beautiful. Will respect all mares

Iorii: yeet