Trixie makes a Banana margarita

by Lolpuma

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Random
Length: 3762

Trixie tries to make a banana flavored margarita, but is unable to because of divine intervention

One can say that time is never ending, not a stutter or a hiccup. Others can say that time is what we make it. Every now and again you get the egghead scientists that says time actually has something to do with how much space is in your Margarita Mixer, or however it goes. For Trixie, time has stopped, but she hasn’t. In the end, it all comes down to the decision of whether or not to make a Banana flavored Margarita and Trixie has chosen incorrectly.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-29 14:54:01 UTC

Trixie makes a Banana margarita

One can say that time is never ending, not a stutter or a hiccup. Others can say that time is what we make it. Every now and again you get the egghead scientists that says time actually has something to do with how much space is in your Margarita Mixer, or however it goes. For Trixie, time has stopped, but she hasn’t. In the end, it all comes down to the decision of whether or not to make a Banana flavored Margarita and Trixie has chosen incorrectly.

***

        At the end of a hard day, Trixie usually hangs up her cloak, runs water for the tub, and plays some soothing music to relax, relieve some stress, and hopefully stop herself from going homicidal the next time someone makes a crack during her show. Trixie has wondered many times how long it would take before she goes insane, just snaps and jumps into the heckling crowd to rip their throats out one by one. Trixie has always been able to control herself before she did anything stupid, anything that might attract the attention of the royal guard. Today however She came to her show, that rainbow maned mane-iac from ponyville. Traveled halfway across Equestria to make jokes during the Great and Powerful Trixie’s performance.        Trixie bursts into her “home”. The small apartment holds nothing more than a couch for a bed, a plug in stove, a bathroom with a crust ridden tub, small fridge for leftover takeout, and a beautiful (It’s chrome!) margarita mixer her... Friend had gotten for her before they split apart. Manehatten is loud as ever outside of her apartment ponies running from one side of the city to the other and the many sounds of construction that happen throughout the city almost constantly. She slumps through the door, stumbling in a drunken stupor toward her bathroom. She gets halfway there before tripping face first onto the concrete floor. She cracks her nose against the floor, too numbed to even feel it, then continues to the bathroom to clean her vomit and now blood covered face.        After a half an hour of cleaning and cursing at the her own reflection, which she mistook for the cyan figure of that rainbow maned terror, until she wobbles out into the kitchen to get something to drink. That Freak was there from the start, laughing at every time the Great and Powerful Trixie did a trick, explaining in detail how a foal could pull them off. Not once did Trixie’s manager do anything to stop it, just giggled with the rest of the crowd. Trixie doesn’t care though, because Trixie showed them. Oh yes, Trixie showed them all with her new (And 100% illegal) magic trick that might have made her saddle bags a little Bit heavier, and their pockets a little Bit lighter. Trixie laughs at her joke hysterically, flopping over on her side and smacking her hooves on the ground. Trixie’s saddle bags fall off her and onto the ground, opening up to spill hundreds of bits onto the floor. Trixie continues to laugh, rolling her way around the shiny gold coins.        Trixie finally stands up from the ground, bits pressed into her back and flank to create indents into her flesh, then walks to the mini fridge. Trixie continues to chuckle to herself as she pulls out a bottle of tequila, a glass of water, and a container of sugar. She peers around the inside, glaring at the blurred labels and warped and moldy food, until she picks up an orange, a cantaloupe, and a Banana with her magic and puts them on next to her Margarita mixer. A buzz sounds in her ear, but she smacks the side of her head with a limp hoof until it decreases in level. The sound enrages Trixie, like a chorus of happy ponies singing and hugging and all that disgusting stuff, all being streamed directly into her ear.Trixie walks over to the Mixer on the floor and opens the top. She floats over the glass of water, freezes it with her magic, then crushes it in her strong telekinetic grasp. She dumps the crushed ice into the machine, adds half the bottle of tequila (almost overflowing it until she sipped some out with barely a cringe), then a cup of, actually make that 3 cups of, sugar. Trixie’s ears perk up to a sound behind her.Trixie looks back at the fruit with a glare. They were making fun of her! “Trixie can hear you know!” Trixie trys to say, but it comes out something more like “Trasky can Shear you no!” She picks up the orange and brings it in front of her. “You know whu ah think, Mr. orange?” *Hiccup* “I think you an yer buddsies were being laugh at me! Trisky don’t like to be laugh off at by neigh-sayers!” She screams at the piece of fruit.The orange is stunned into silence, unable to speak either because of pure shock or being an inanimate object. Trixie suspects it is the former.Trixie screams some jumble of garbled words at the piece of shocked and confused fruit.Without a second thought Trixie tosses the orange across the room, grinning in satisfaction as the heckler is squashed against the wall, silencing it forever with one final *Splat*. Pulp explodes outward to form a mural of destruction and pain to all fruit that would laugh at The Great And Powerful Trixie! Almost as if on cue, the beautifully terrible singing starts up again in Trixie’s head. She cringes down to the ground and covers her ears with her numb hooves, but it does little good. Those damn voices! It is as if a full choir of ponies set up shop in her head! After a few moments the voices once again dull to nothing more than a hum in the back of her skull, leaving just enough to think but still prodding into her train of thought every now and again.Trixie turns back to the two remaining fruit, a dented cantaloupe and a shining Banana, and glares at them. She leaps towards them, trying to scare her pray, but they are made of harder stuff than what Trixie usually has to deal with. No, no, Trixie has to use something new, something these two would not expect.“Boo!” Trixie screams at the fruit.....Damn they’re good.Trixie floats the two remaining fruit into the air, spinning them around with a thin telekinetic grip. After a moment of mindless floating Trixie starts to juggle them in a slow clockwise turn. Trixie’s head follows the twists and turns of the fruit, drooping with the fall and raising on the bend, always in turn with the Banana without realizing it. Soon Trixie is only floating the Banana, cantaloupe forgotten on the ground beside the margarita mixer. The voices raise to a level Trixie has never thought possible, blocking out everything other then the sight of the Banana. Sound, light, air, margaritas, all forgotten with the sight of the Banana, and the sound of thousands, even millions of singing ponies in their beautiful, amazing, almost holy chorus. Words form in the song, words of forgiveness, redemption, even friendship. One word catches though, snags on the edge of her mind. Return.“Return? Return?! RETURN THE BITS THAT ARE MINE? I will never, you hear me, NEVER return those bits because I earned them!” she screams at the fruit as it descends from the air. Trixie squeezes down with her loose grip on the fruit, concentrating her hardest to burst it open. The voices scream around her in agony until she nearly blacks out. She forces herself to stay conscious until the edge of the Banana splits to reveal the shining meat inside. Trixie roars with triumph as the voices in her head scream in pain. Trixie stands back onto her hooves, sweat racing down her neck and back from all the mental effort she used to smite the Banana that DARED to tell her what to do.She floats the scarred Banana into the margarita mixer, kicking the cantaloupe as she walks past it for good measure and positions herself above the blender for the show. The constant song of screams is intertwined with new words, new pictures and sounds. ‘stop’, -The image of thousands of ponies screaming at a black sky-, ‘please, don’t do this’, ~The sound of millions of lives ending with an echoing roar~. The Banana, skin and all,  is placed in the grave of crushed ice and tequila then covered in another sheet of crushed ice. The world around Trixie bends, air freezes then melts again in the same instant, floor going transparent to reveal a void of endless nothingness only to reappear with the her own face laughing endlessly. The endless voices continue their wail of sorrow pleading for it to stop. Trixie wipes sweat from her eyes only to find she is crying, unable to control herself. Her hoof moves forward and hovers over the button marked ‘Blend!’. Her hoof is shaking. Not her hoof, her whole body. The entire room is also shaking. Existence itself if quivering at that moment.Finally, with one sharp inhale of breath, Trixie forces herself to push, but cannot. Not from lack of will, but the actual inability to move her hoof. Unable to move anything for that matter.The world swirls around her catatonic state until there is nothing but the blender and blackness. There is no sound of the street outside of her home, just the constant singing the choir in her head is making. Trixie tries to move her head, but isn’t able to get an inch in either direction. She tries to wiggle her tail, but there is no reaction. Trixie is even unable to breath, but is not out of breath.Light pours out of the blender to show its surroundings, a new room painted entirely white, along with a single desk, a chair on either side, and a fern in the corner. The blender is on the desk, neatly plugged into a port on the side. The room reminds Trixie of a lawyer's office, plain of any person affects, but fitted with a mandatory plant. Light continues to fill the room until it is completely visible, white surfaces gleaming in every direction, the blender being the only source of light, yet not visibly brighter than anything else. Trixie is still hovering over the blender mid air until she suddenly plops down into one of the chairs with a small ‘Pomf’ of air in the chair being expelled.Trixie falls down from the chair on impact, hitting her head on the desk in front of her, then sliding to the ground. After a few seconds Trixie finally gets herself back onto the chair only to be greated by a stallion in a white and blue suit, long blond mane, and pure white coat. He is an earth pony, and his smile seems impossibly bright. His forehooves are on the desk in front of him, and a notepad and quill is set aside in case he needs them.Trixie glares at the stallion in front of her, vein popping out of her skull, and was about to scream at the stallion in front of her when he puts his hoof up. In that moment Trixie feels as if a wave has hit her and she relaxes immediately. Trixie’s muscles relax, her eyes droop, and she plops back into the seat with a smile spread across her face.“Trixie,” the stallion starts. His voice is deep, really deep. “I have been watching you for awhile now, and it has come to my attention that you are not a good pony. Now, I am not one to judge, that’s the committees job, but I am one to help those in need.” The stallion continues to smile as he talks, waving his hooves around for emphasise, and seems to be talking down to her. Trixie was almost sure now that this was a lawyer. The lawyer pony continued “Now, I have been assigned your case since you were just an itty bitty foal, and I have to say you are one talented pony. You have shown magical potential all of your life, and you have not been afraid to explore it. I have seen you do many things that would have impressed even Celestia herself.”Trixie trys to do a bow, but could only manage to move her torso forward a bit, then have it plop back against the chair with another ‘pomf’. “I try my best to please.” Trixie says smugly.“But,” the stallion says, raising a hoof to quiet Trixie down. His smile turns into a comedic frown. “other then your ability to perform magic, you have shown little to no positive attributes. You are not kind, nor funny, generous, brave, or honest. Instead you are cruel and selfish, you play jokes at other ponies expense, you are a coward to every extent of the word, and I have even seen you lie to your own mother! Trixie, I am sorry, but you need to change. I have been looking all of your life for one positive moment, one moment of true friendship, and I haven't been able to find it.” The stallion lets out a fake sigh, then puts his hooves over his face. When he sets them back down, he is wearing the same smile as before. “Thankfully, I have asked the big stallion up stairs, and he thinks it’s a good idea to have a little talk about some things, and hopefully that might change your ways. Now, How about a drink?”The lawyer pony turns on the blender in front of him, grabs two glasses from under his desk, then pours the banana flavored margaritas into the glasses. Trixies mouth is hanging open when he hands the glass over to her. “Wasn’t that Banana supposed to mean something?”“The banana was just a metaphor anyway. Now, let’s get down to business.” He takes one sip of his margarita, then sets it aside on his desk not be touched again that night.Trixie starts to take a drink of her margarita as the lawyer opens a drawer on the desk and pulls out a laminated piece of paper. On the paper is a sight that nearly makes Trixie spit out her margarita, even in her calmed state. “Her!” Trixie screams at the paper. “That terrible son of a mule! She has tried to ruined my life ever since I have met her and her terrible friends. The day I came into their town they wanted to chase me out with pitch forks just because I was better than them!” Trixie screams.The stallion shakes his head, then sighs. “Trixie, I am going to show you something. Do you remember last night? If I remember correctly, you were performing a show when this young mare joined the audience, is that right?” The lawyer asks.Trixie’s mouth twitches in anger. “Yes, this foal came in 10 minutes after the show started with her friends, then proceeded to heckle me throughout my entire show! There wasn’t a single act that she didn’t criticize or laugh at.”The stallion frowns, this time looking as if he actually means it, then speaks again. “Okay Trixie, this time I want you to see it from someone else's point of view.” The lawyer lifts his hooves, claps them together, and Trixie is teleported to the outside of the club she worked at last night.Around her ponies are laugh and talking, a line extending from one end of the street to the other. A normal saturday for the FoxTrot, one Manehatten’s many clubs. It’s 11pm and this night’s show has just started. Ponies are slowly making their way into the club to be seated and watch that night’s entertainment with their choice of the many drinks. Rainbow Dash, however, is hardly even noticing any of this. Instead she is paying attention to the two ponies that are with her, Spitfire and Soarin’. Finally she has been noticed by the Wonderbolts, and after an entire day of flying with the team Spitfire asked if she wanted to go to one of Manehatten’s clubs to have a night on the town. And would she ever turn down a chance to hang out with the wonderbolts? Heck no! Today was amazing and nothing could bring her down!Soarin’ makes a joke about how lines are one of his phobias and Rainbow Dash laughs her head off. Spitfire’s jokes about her snort only make her crack up more. After a few more minutes they are finally guided inside and to their seats. Soarin’, oddly enough, orders a piece of pie, and Rainbow Dash starts to order Cider when she hears a crash from the stage and cries from the audience.        It is only now that Rainbow Dash realizes that this nights performer is someone she has met before. Trixie is on the stage breathing heavily as she stares down at Rainbow Dash. The crash was a pair of ceramic vases that were going to be transformed into rabbits before Trixie smashed them in her telekinetic grip while hovering them over the crowd, causing the crys. Trixie screams at Rainbow Dash, "You! You came here to ruin my show, Didn't you? I knew you were jealous, but I didn't know you would follow me to my performance to try and ruin me."        Rainbow Dash laughs sarcastically, waving a hoof at Trixie. "Like I would ever follow a hack like you around, you are ruining your own show just by performing!" She smiles as Spitfire and Soarin' laugh, the latter of the two coughing up some half eaten pie. A few ponies from the crowd chuckle too.        Trixie gasps. "How DARE you heckle me at my own show!"        Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. "I'm not heckling you, you called me out! Now go back to your cheap tricks." Rainbow Dash turns her back to the stage and starts talking to the wonderbolts, laughing to herself as she hears Trixie yell behind her.        "You DARE turn your back on The Great And Powerful Trixie? You are not allowed to ignore Trixie! I can have you thrown out! Where is the manager?" Trixie stomps off the stage, completely forgetting about her act. A few ponies in the crowd laugh, but the majority of them just whisper to each other over the turn of events.        And like that, Trixie is back in her body with the familiar sight of a smiling stallion with a margarita mixer next to him.        "Wha... What was that?" Trixie asks.        The lawyer clops his hooves together in applause. "That was last night. Not that great of a show though, seemed to short."        "That was nothing like last night! How did you even do that? Aren't you an earth pony?"        The lawyer leans back in his chair. "I can do many things, just like the rest of my colleagues. Now the question is, did you learn anything? We don't the have the money to go through the normal process of showing you all of your past sins, there have been some budget cuts, so you only get one vision."        Trixies eye twitches, then she screams, "No, I haven't learned a thing! What are you anyway, some type of fairy god pony? An angel? You don't even have wings!        The lawyer pony cocks his head in confusion. "Wait, you mean you really didn’t learn anything? I just showed you that you ruined your own show! You aren't going to take anything from that?" The lawyer pony sounds genuinely upset.        Trixie asks slowly, as if talking to a foal. "What are you talking about? She clearly came in there to ruin my show. Are you that stupid?"        The lawyer pony continues to sit, mouth now wide open. "This has never happened before, usually when we show ponies the other side of the story they learn a lesson... or something! But you just always think you are right!"        Trixie rolls her eyes. "When is Trixie ever wrong?"        The lawyer cocks his head to the side, eyes squinting and mouth open in utter confusion of the mare he has watched for so long. "I.. I guess I will be right back. Going to see what the big stallion up stairs thinks." He walks to the wall where a door has suddenly appeared, gives one last glance behind him to Trixie, then walks out the room.        The instant the door closes it opens again and the lawyer pony steps inside. He is wearing his most genuine frown yet and he doesn't sit down. "Uh... Trixie." He says, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the ground. "It seems that your account has been terminated and you have to leave the area."        Trixie raises an eye. "So I was brought here against my will so that you could drag me through last night again, then just throw me out? You lawyers are terrible at your jobs!"        The stallion scowls at Trixie. "You still don't get it, do you Trixie? This was something special to get you to be a better pony and you can't even admit that you did anything wrong! You walked out mid-show on ponies who were going to pay to see you, only to rob them before you left! Trixie, I have to say I should have seen it coming, but I thought anypony would have been able to see such an obvious mistake with a spotlight on it." The stallion lifts a hoof, then stomps it on the ground and Trixie is back in her apartment, lying face down in a puddle of margarita.         It is now the middle of the next day if the positioning of the sun is correct in the small, cracked glass window. She has sobered up since she was last here, and can finally see what has been done to her home. The entire kitchen is ruined, fridge knocked over and rotten food spilled everywhere. The orange that she threw and splattered against the wall has started to grow a stench. The cantaloupe that she had kicked got into the side of the couch, and there is a splotch of blood on the floor next to the bathroom. Worst of all, oh celestia the horror, her chrome margarita mixer is broken into pieces and bits of banana are flung across the room. Trixie shrieks at the sight of her ruined apartment, looks around for who did this to her home, then screams, "Rainbow Dash! I know you did this, and I will get you back for it!"        Somewhere in pony heaven, an angel facehoof's.(Thank you for reading my story, critiques/comments would be very appreciated.)