No Idea Too Crazy

by Syeekoh

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Random, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Slice of Life, Wallflower Blush, Fetish, Equestria Girls, Sex, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 1264

Twilight hires a new employee onto Beanis, Inc. R&D.

Twilight hires a new employee onto Beanis, Inc R&D.

An entry into the Beanis Cinematic Universe!

Preread by ThePoneDrome!

Published 2018-02-19 01:20:08 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-19 01:20:08 UTC

...Except for Sunset. She never asked for this.

Sunset sat at the table―pen in one hand, head in the other, her vision blurring for a moment as she stared at the accounting books for Beanis, Inc. She tapped the table a few times with the pen.

“Twilight,” she said.

Twilight sighed as she tapped a few times on her tablet device. “Just moved another few units.” She raised her head and faced Sunset. “What?”

Sunset’s hand moved from the side of her head to the bridge of her nose. “This is not the direction I expected my life to be going.”

“Ah.” Twilight chuckled as she put the tablet down on the kitchen counter, then walked over to Sunset and patted her on the shoulder. “Not many people expect to be on the cutting edge of history.” She rubbed her hands together and smiled weakly. “Honestly, I get wonderstruck if I think about it too much but―” Twilight clapped her hands together “―as long as we keep moving forward, the future will happen before we know it!”

“I didn’t think the future would be full of bean penises.” Sunset exhaled as she examined the laptop and wrote down the information from the electronic sales receipts.

“Beanises,” Twilight corrected her with a smile.

Sunset grunted. “Right, beanises.” She clenched her jaw. “I don’t see why you’re so insistent on me using beanis when it’s just the two of us.”

“Well.” Twilight put a fist to her mouth. “I thought using the brand name would help promote the right environment, and two―”

The doorbell rang.

Twilight’s eyes widened as the corners of her mouth turned up. “There’s two right there!” she said as she rushed off to let her guest in.

Sunset inhaled and looked up to see Twilight leading in Wallflower Blush, who they had just met recently after a rather unfortunate chains of events, and greeted her with a smile. “Hi, Wallflower, how are you?”

Wallflower bit her lip and brushed her long green hair partially over her face, a manila folder in the other hand. “I-I’m fine, thank you.”

“I’d say you’re more than fine, Wallflower!” Twilight said as she patted Wallflower on the back, slightly jostling her off-balance.

“Sorry.”

Twilight pointed at Wallflower as she headed towards the fridge. “Now, Wallflower and I,” she said as she rummaged through said fridge, “have been in contact for a bit after recent events, and I think her input could add some much-needed value to our R&D sector.”

Sunset turned her body to face Twilight, her arm resting on the back of the chair. “Twilight, our entire corporation is the two of us and a forty year old woman Rainbow Dash fucked into submission.” She blew a strand of hair out of her face. “We don’t exactly have an R&D sector.”

“Beside the point,” Twilight said as she pulled out a few celery sticks, handing one each to Wallflower and Sunset and keeping one for herself. “The point is that she―” Twilight took a bite of her celery stick “―she has some actionable ideas in that folder.”

Sunset licked her teeth, then turned to Wallflower, whose face was glowing red. The folder seemed to be shaking a bit, too.

She grunted and waved at Wallflower. “Let’s see what you have.”

“Okay.” Wallflower took careful, measured steps to the table and sat across Sunset, putting the celery down first, then the folder. She opened the folder, her hands clearly shivering a bit, and pulled out a few sheets of paper, handing two to Sunset and keeping one to herself. “You can hand one of those to Twilight.”

Sunset put her celery down, too, as she passed a sheet off to Twilight and scanned over it herself. She wished she could say she couldn’t believe what she was reading, but she had been involved in this bullshit far too long to have the privilege of saying that.

Sunset glanced back at Twilight, who nodded while eating more of her celery.

“Yeah, this looks like what we were talking about,” Twilight said as she met Sunset’s gaze. “Good stuff, right?”

“Mm.” Sunset rubbed her face and faced Wallflower again, whose teeth were playing with her lower lip. She looked back at the sheet of paper. “Okay, so.” She took a deep breath. “What you appear to have here is a, um―”

“A multi-pronged arousal device intended for the use of,” Wallflower cut in with before pressing her eyes shut, her face now burning bright, “multiple orifices and or…” she trailed off as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. Wallflower grabbed the celery and took a bite. “I can’t do this.”

Twilight bit into her own celery stick. “You were doing fine telling me about it online.”

“Yeah, but.” Wallflower grimaced as she ate more of her celery. “It’s just, that was online and now you’re making me say it out loud and it just sounds so stupid and strange.” Wallflower opened her eyes, a noticeable sheen forming on them. “This was a mistake.”

Sunset tapped on the table. “Keep going, Wallflower.”

Wallflower grunted and sniffed.

“Wallflower, it’s fine.” Sunset clenched her jaw. “I assure you that anything you say can’t be more retarded than a penis made of beans.”

“Beanis!” Crunch. “Remember corporate policy!”

Sunset chuckled. “At least you’re not correcting me on calling it retarded anymore.”

Twilight munched the last bit of celery, throwing the leaves in the sink. “Well, what I started doing is translating ‘retarded’ in my head to ‘innovative’, which assists with good mental hygiene.” She smiled. “So really, every time you insult me, you’re actually complimenting my forward thinking!”

“How innovative,” Sunset growled. She focused her attention on Wallflower, who still seemed to be a bit of a mess. “Now, Wallflower, maybe if you don’t want to get into the mechanics of the device presented, you could tell us how you came up with the idea.” Sunset smiled.

Wallflower pursed her lips. “Mmm, okay, I guess.” She clenched Sunset’s hand. “Well, you know I was the only member of the gardening club, right?”

“Yes, I do remember that.”

A grin flashed on Wallflower’s face. “Well, I’d be there alone a lot.” She looked down. “I was always alone. All the time. So, sometimes―” she took a breath “―I’d get in touch with myself in nature.”

Sunset nodded. “How would you do that?”

“…by masturbating.”

Sunset sucked her teeth. “Well, then.”

“And then,” Wallflower continued while gesticulating with her other hand, “you know, sometimes my mind would wander, and like, I’d have these fantasies of…” she trailed off as she bit her lip, “of, you know, stuff like vines… doing stuff to me, and I’d draw it later, and I… might have told Twilight about those pictures.”

Twilight smacked the counter. “And that’s the kind of thinking we need!”

“Mm.” Sunset’s smile waned, but was still present. “Believe it or not, that’s not the weirdest idea I’ve ever heard here.” She let go of Wallflower’s hand.

Wallflower brushed her hair out of her face. “Really?” The grin grew on her face as she pulled out a few more sheets of paper from her and passed them to Sunset. “Because here’s some stuff I drew up involving the vines laying eggs in me and Twilight said she’d look into it.”

Sunset grabbed the paper and looked it over. She exhaled. She clenched her jaw.

“This is, um… pretty innovative,” Sunset said as she picked up her celery and bit into it.

This definitely wasn’t the direction she expected her life to be going.