Heroes travels

“How long is this guy going to take?” Rainbow exclaimed, breaking the silence of the waiting room. The room itself was quite bland with its boring grey wall colour, its boring grey ceiling and to top it all off, its boring white tiled floor. As everyone knows, Rainbow Dash and boredom do not mix well. Grey Ink was already aware of waiting rooms, especially since the boredom she was witnessing at the very moment was a tinge more exciting than her job.

Twilight was doing what she does best, reading. She already had a stack of magazines in front of her, reading through them like children’s books. Her seat was next to her mentor’s, Princess Celestia, whom was sitting next to her sister, Princess Luna.

At the first glance of the two goddesses, you could see the sheer boredom they had been brought to. Luna however, knows what pure boredom is like, being sent to the moon and all, but, even she had to admit that this wait was becoming more and more annoying by the second. Celestia wasn’t too far behind from Luna, trying her best to not burst out in annoyance of the waiting time.

Opposite the princesses and Twilight were Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Each of them was in a simple foam chair, which had proven to become slightly uncomfortable over the duration of time. To their right were Grey Ink and Ashley sitting next to each other. On their left was Callum, repeatedly tapping his head against the wall.

The only source of light was the huge wall sized window behind the princesses and Twilight, but the view wasn’t spectacular. It was nothing more than the dark busy streets of some city, however, they were on the fifteenth floor of the skyscraper, meaning that they could not see the streets below very well. As for the rest of the view, it was blocked by other towering buildings. To make matters worse when it came to the view, the sky was pitch black, the night sky’s stars were dim, barely even visible while the moon hung proudly in the midnight sky. The pitter patter of rain tapping against the window was the only thing that kept some of the room’s occupants sane, letting them know that time hadn’t drawn to a standstill.

Thud…

…

Thud…

…

Thud…

Luckily for Callum, he had a strong head, otherwise he would have a headache as of now.

“How long is this ‘Author’ goin’ ta take?” Applejack asked, using her hooves to make air quotes. Her southern accent was accompanied by the tone of being annoyed, more on the lines of frustration.

“Beats me.” Ashley replied with a shrug “But this is really taking the piss. We’ve probably been here for like what, hours?”

“It does feel like that.” Celestia added “I wonder why this ‘Author’ is taking their time, surely they would try their best to make time for guests.”

Click.

Everyone’s attention turned towards door, both princesses raised an eyebrow as everyone else broke free of their boredom.

But after a whole minute of waiting, the door didn’t open.

“That’s it.” Rainbow leapt off her chair, angrily trotting over to the door, slamming her hoof on its wooden material several times before yelling “HURRY THE HAY UP!”

“Geez, she’s got quite the temper, ain’t she?” A voice said. Its origin was located at Rainbow Dash’s chair. Everyone went wide eyed, seeing a bipedal figure sitting in her seat. Straight away, everyone knew that by judging its body shape, it was a human.

The figure’s facial features could not be seen, due to a certain hooded jacket covering it up. The only part of the individual’s face that could be seen was the area around its mouth. It wore a simple pair of jeans alongside florescent green and (mostly) white sneakers.

“Who are you and how did you get there?” Rarity asked, yawning briefly from her recent break of boredom.

“Well…” The figure put its fingertips together, forming a triangle. Judging by the voice, it was a male. “When a woman and a man love each other much… Or, when the male breaks or forgets to put on a condom during sexual intercourse-“

“Don’t try and be a smartass.” Callum snapped, he wasn’t in the mood for games after waiting so long. “Who are you?”

The lone figure smirked, his white teeth were easily noticeable “Why, I’m the author.” Before Rainbow Dash, or anyone else for that matter could give him a piece of their minds, the ‘Author’ held up its hands, his smirk growing even wider.

“But you can refer to me as D.W.R. or Author, you can choose whichever you want.”

“Right.”Celestia cleared her throat with several coughs “You were the one for us to appear here, correct?” D.W.R nodded his head, his fingers had returned to the formation he had not long ago. “Now, can we ask why?”

“Well.” D.W.R. stood up, his height was around the same as Ashley’s “You see. A piece of mine has reached a milestone and I can’t help but celebrate it.”

“And what does it have to do with us?” Luna chirped.

“I’ll put it simple for all of you to save some time. This… Piece, has received over two hundred favourites, which is quite the accomplishment in my opinion. I hadn’t expected this to happen, and I promised the viewers of said piece, that I will hold a small… Event, for you lot.” He pointed around the room “Don’t worry too much though. You’ll probably feel a bit embarrassed afterwards, but I ensure you that you will not even have to move out of a chair.”

“And what is it that you plan on us doing?” Twilight questioned, placing the final magazine on the small table in the middle of the room.

“Well…” D.W.R. turned towards the door, holding his and out to it with a small bow “Firstly, we go into here so we can begin.

**

Compared to the previous room, the room that all the ponies and all three humans had entered was a massive improvement. The room was a subtle mild blue colour with a small cloud pattern. The ceiling and carpet were both white. The chairs were much softer and more comfortable than those in the waiting room. At the end of the room was a desk, on top of that was a laptop alongside a cold cup of coffee and a half eaten pack of rich tea biscuits. On one of the sides of the room was a table, filled with various drinks and snacks meant for the group.

The chair behind the desk seemed to be made of leather, none except the author knew if it was real leather or not. D.W.R. took it to himself to seat his romp on the chair, opening the laptop, waiting for it to awaken from its hibernation mode.

“Please.” He gestured to the eleven seats in front of him, which surrounded the desk in a semi-circle formation  “Do take a seat so we can begin.”

Both humans took the middle seats, Ashley pat the seat next to him for Grey Ink to sit onto. Next to Callum sat princess Celestia, next to Grey Ink was Luna. Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity all sat on the same side as Callum and the princess of the sun. Twilight took it to herself to sit next to her mentor. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie sat in the seats near to Luna.

“Can you tell us what is going on?” Luna asked, giving D.W.R. a look of curiosity.

“As promised, I’ll tell you what is going to happen.” D.W.R. replied with a smile, leaning forward slightly to type his password into the laptop. He folded his arms, glancing around the room at each of the ponies and the two humans.  All of them eager to hear what he had to say. “To simply put it, I asked my viewers to submit questions meant for you lot. Now, I did say that they could be about whatever they wanted and you will answer them with the honest truth. I can tell when you’re lying, I can hear what you’re thinking. For I am. The Author!” D.W.R. started to crack into a sadistic laugh, the lighting of the room seemed to become much darker, but as soon as his laughter ceased, the lighting returned to normal. Everyone in the room was obviously confused.

“What was that all about?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Why’d the room go dark when he laughed?”

“Because you touch yourself at night.” D.W.R. snapped, a malicious grin had formed on his face.

“Dude, that’s uncalled for.” Callum pointed out.

“Says Callum. The same person who says suggestive things and seeks out the pure pleasure of making things awkward for others. I smell a bit of irony right now, and it smells delicious.”

“Oh oh! What does it smell like? Does it smell like frosting? Oh oh! Maybe it smells like cookies!” Pinkie chimed, it wasn’t long before everyone had tuned her out for the brief moment.

“…Touché.” Callum smirked.

“So, heading back to the situation at hoof.”Celestia glared at Callum, his face didn’t change one bit. She turned her attention back to the figure behind the desk “What are these questions going to be about?”

“Beats me.” D.W.R replied with a shrug, leaning back on his chair “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Very well. You may begin.” Luna ordered. D.W.R. waved off the fact that he was being ordered by her, opening up a Microsoft word document which contained the questions meant for those in front of him.

“Alright. First question goes to the main six and it’s by a user named Crimson Valor.”

“Main six?” Rarity asked.

“That means You, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Oh, and before I forget…” D.W.R. clicked his fingers once “Now no one else except those being asked the question and myself will hear your answer.” He coughed once before he continued “Main six: After your drunken night with Ash and Cal, do you think you’d do it again if invited, or is it not going to happen?”

Rarity looked around towards her friends, each of them were slightly confused from the question, much like herself. “Um, do we just say our answers?”

“Yes, I’ll be writing your answers word for word on this.” D.W.R pointed to the laptop on his desk.

“Sure.” Rainbow Dash shrugged “It was a pretty fun night and there were a lot of laughs. I can’t remember too much though, but the parts I do remember were cool.”

“Ah… Uhhh…” Applejack raised a hoof to her chin, contemplating shortly on her answer “Maybe… Ah don’t really know. Sure it was a load of fun, but Ah don’t see mahself in doing somethin’ like that fer a while.”

During their answers, D.W.R. was wildly tapping the plastic keys on his keyboard, stopping for the next answer, which was Twilight’s.

“I don’t see myself in doing something like that again, unless it is a special occasion.” A smile had grown on her muzzle “That night was pretty fun though, I will admit that.” Twilight looked over to her side towards her mentor, receiving a heart-warming smile from the sun goddess, even though she couldn’t hear her.

“OH boy would I!” Pinkie cheered “It was soooooo much fun! I got to be with my bestest pals and my two newest friends that night and we had so much fun together! Not to mention that I loved that contest we had, that was pretty super!

“I will have to disagree with my friends here.” Rarity stated “As much fun as it was, I don’t particularly enjoy doing such activities since they can lead to regret in the future. But that will not stop me from mentioning that it was a brilliant night with friends. So no, I will not be doing that type of thing again.

“Fair enough.” D.W.R. said once he finished typing up her answer, he pointed an index finger at Fluttershy without looking away from the screen “What’s yours?”

“Oh… Um… I-I uh…” Fluttershy’s voice was terribly shaken. As much as she didn’t want to, she didn’t want to be in this sort of pressure inducing position. She took a deep breath and swallowed her pride “I-I wouldn’t want to do it again.” She quickly said, hiding behind her chair, she waited for the hooded human to freak out about her short answer, but he didn’t. All she heard was the quick tapping of the plastic buttons on the weird object in front of him, and that was it.

“Cheers for the answering Fluttershy. You don’t have to worry much about your answers, just answer them like you would to one of your friends.” D.W.R. said in a calm voice, causing Fluttershy to slowly, but eventually get back into her seat.

“Alright, next question from the same user, this one is to Ashley and Grey Ink. Oh, and by the way, the thing I did with the clicking my fingers, it automatically changes to those who are answering. Convenient, no?” Both human and Pegasus raised an eyebrow, curious to hear what the question would be about. “Anyway, back to the question. Ashley and Grey Ink: Do you see each other settling down? Having kids, married and all that?

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Ashley held his hands up, his eyes slightly widened “I haven’t even asked her on a date yet, and you’re asking about marriage and what not? I didn’t really think about that, and I don’t plan on doing so for a while. I just want this relationship to run its course.”

“I’ll have to agree with Ashley here.” Grey Ink added “I haven’t even asked him out on a date either. I don’t know where he got the idea of him asking me out, usually in Equestria, the mare asks out the stallion. As much as the idea of having foals and being married seems good, I think its best we don’t think about that sort of thing for a long, long time.”

“Not to mention that being different species, I doubt we could even have kids.

“Nicely put.” D.W.R. said as he typed up the last sentence of Grey’s answer. “Back on the planet Ashley and Callum are from, it’s more common for the guys to ask out the girl.” All the ponies looked at the Author weirdly, being able to hear him as soon as Grey Ink finished her answer. “True story.”

“Riiiight. Can we get back to the questions now?” Callum asked, D.W.R. nodded.

“Question for Grey Ink, same user. Would your parents accept it or would you continue the relationship without their blessing?”

“How did... How did the ‘user’ know about my parents?” Grey Ink asked, shocked by the fact that somepony knew about her parents, even though she usually kept quiet about them.

“These are my viewers, they know many things.” D.W.R. smirked.

“W-well. I... Guess I would... It’s not the first time they’ve been against a relationship of mine. So, yes. I most likely will continue my relationship with Ashley, with or without their support.” With that, she leaned over towards Ashley, baring him in a quick hug.

“Not bad. Alright, question for Ashley and it’s from the same guy. If you had the choice to go back to Earth and start over again, would you accept it? If not, why?”

“Geez... That’s a tough one...” Ashley placed a left hand on his chin, Grey Ink still hadn’t let go from her embrace so Ashley put his right arm around the pegasus. “I guess... I wouldn’t. Sure, Earth is great and all, but I’ve made a life here so far, I’ve got a beautiful woman by my side, my best pal is with me, I’ve made some great friends. The only problem with this is that I wish I could’ve said goodbye to my mother and my other friends back on Earth, just to let them know I’m alright and that I’m happy here.”

“*sniff* I like this because it makes me cry every time.” D.W.R. mocked, faking his sadness for it to be broken by a cheery smile “Alright, next question... Ah ha! Here it is. This one is for Celestia, Luna will also be joining in with this one.”

“For me?” The white alicorn asked. D.W.R. replied with nothing more than a nod.

“As much as I think this overplayed, I’m still going with it. The user who is asking this is JeremyPunk: Do you like bananas?”

Celestia let out a loud groan “I have nothing against bananas themselves, they are quite delectable. The only problem I have with them is banana cream pie, and no, I will not go into why I dislike that with a passion that rivals my sun.”

“Oh, it’s because on time Tia and a-“ Luna began but her muzzle was sealed shut from Celestia’s magic. As much as she squirmed, Celestia wouldn’t let go of her magical grasp, sending the angriest stare she could muster at her sister. Luna knew that Celestia wasn’t playing around. Her muffled laughter could be heard.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be laughing Luna... This one is for you.” D.W.R. said in a rather sinister tone. Celestia let go of her sister’s muzzle. “Princess Luna, do you know where you can go bananas?”

“Um...” Luna put her hoof to her chin, contemplating on all the thin possibilities she could do so, but she came up with nothing. “I would have to say no.”

“Well... I know where you can.” Everyone looked at D.W.R. confusingly. “You can go bananas... On the mooooooonaaaaaaaa!” With that, he clicked his fingers. Luna turned into a bright light which shot straight towards the midnight’s moon. Everyone’s jaws dropped, Celestia immediately leapt for D.W.R, but was forced down on the desk during mid jump.

“Tsk tsk.” D.W.R. wiggled his index finger in front of Celestia’s face, chuckling to himself “Do not worry, She’ll be back... Riiiiiight about...”

POP!

“Now.”

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?” Luna screamed in frustration, her face turned red from anger after her very brief sentence to the moon.

“It was a joke. Geez, you act like it’s a big thing.”

“That is a big deal!” Twilight snapped “You just sent a princess to the moon without a logical reason!”

“Sending a princess to the moon won’t be the only thing I’ll be doing if nobody drops what just happened.” D.W.R. snapped back, flicking Celestia’s nose which annoyed her greatly. “Now back in your seat, otherwise your going to rue the second you try to attack me.”

“Who do you think you are trying to boss around the princess like that!?” Rainbow Dash yelled, she tried to get out of her chair to tackle the insane figure, but couldn’t even muster a single movement. It was as if she was restrained to the chair itself.

“Everyone calm the fuck down!” Callum shouted “For fuck sake.” He pointed at D.W.R. “Stop being an asshole.” He shifted his finger towards Celestia “Calm the hell down.” He glanced at Luna, Rainbow Dash and Twilight “That goes for everyone”

After a few minutes of complete silence, giving everyone time to calm down, D.W.R. began to scroll through the questions he had lined up. The ponies all thought the same thing:

I hate this guy.

“Now...” D.W.R. coughed “Back onto the questions. Sorry for the whole ‘sending you to the moon’ thing. It’s part of the joke.” Luna and Celestia scowled at him but he ignored them. “A user by the name of Grim Reaper asks; Ashley and Callum, what rank were you two in the army?”

“I was a sergeant.” Callum said smugly, looking over to Ashley “And what were you again?”

“I was a corporal.” Ashley mumbled “We ranked up pretty fast, Callum is always being a smug bastard about this.”

“Only because I’m better than you.”

“My response to that every time is ‘count the amount of times I’ve saved you compared to you saving me’.”

“... You win this round.” Callum playfully punched his friend in the arm.

“Next question.” D.W.R. said “We haven’t had one for the member of the main six, so we’ll go with this one. This is by the user named Zilenan-ninety one; Rainbow Dash, what are your true feelings for Ashley?”

Even though they couldn’t hear the question, they still heard Rainbow Dash’s name, all turning their attention towards the cyan pegasus. Rainbow Dash gulped, trying her best to come up with an answer. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of her head after a short moment.

“Please, take your time.” D.W.R. stated.

“I-I... Ummm... I don’t know!”  Rainbow burst out, getting a curious look from D.W.R. “I... Don’t know if I like him or not... That sounded wrong, lemme try that again... I don’t know if I like him enough to... Y’know, be with him like Grey Ink is like with him. Sure, he’s a bit hot headed some times, but so am I. I think I just sorta fell for him since he’s already treated me better than any other stallion has, maybe I just like him because of that...”

“I see this is hard for you to answer... Do you wish to continue?” D.W.R. asked, not expecting the cyan pegasus to nod, but she did anyways, swallowing her pride. His fingers continued to tap the keys on the keyboard as he spoke.

“No. I need to figure this out, so can you help me with this?” She sniffed.

“Whoa, can’t do that. You’ll have to figure this one on your own. All I can say is that you’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“That’s... That’s pretty useful.” She smiled “Thanks.”

“Alright, this question is for Callum and Ashley.” D.W.R. said with the click of his fingers “The user Captain Grim asks: Every man needs to stimulate his ‘sexual needs’, so my question is, if you guys now promised yourselves to never have any sexual relations with a pony, doesn’t that mean that you must have ‘le sexy time’ with each other? I mean, you two are really close. Really, REALLY close... Admit it boys, you’re fucked (literally).” D.W.R. was giving the question his best ‘what the actual fuck’ face, even though no one would see it.

“...The fuck?” After a brief moment of silence, Callum was capable of breaking through the initial shock of the question. “Seriously, what the actual fuck?”

“Who the fuck in their right mind, would ask that?” Ashley asked.

“Hey, I did say that it could be about anything... Be lucky that this is the only one of this type of question.”

“Well.” Callum leaned back on his chair, hands behind his head “I guess it’s best if I answer first. Have sexual intercourse with a pony? No thanks.” He let out a brief snicker “I don’t see myself doing that sort of thing, I’ll just either die or wait for some miracle to happen and have a human woman appear. you clearly haven’t heard of masturbation since a man can do that to relieve himself of sexual needs. As for the whole ‘having sex with Ashley’ idea, no, we haven’t fucked, nor do I want to do anything like that with this asshole.” He pointed his index finger at his pal beside him. "Can’t two guys be close and not be accused of being gay, even though they are not?”

“Have sex with a pony?” Ashley questioned, taking a small ten second break to think about his answer “Can’t say I haven’t thought about it.” Callum reeled away from him in disgust “Hey Cal, remember that chick when you went to London?” Ashley smirked, Callum’s face turned to one of pure frustration.

“I was fucking wasted! How the fuck was I suppose to know that certain thing about her!?”

“It’s called checking the inventory before you take it out of the store, or in this case, have sex with it.” Ashley chuckled. “Besides, I love Grey, but this sort of thing... Well, it’s not something easy to just go along with. I’ll be spending a lot of time thinking about what I’m going to do, but either way, I’m going to try my best to stay with Grey.”

“You’re such an asshole” Callum mumbled, folding his arms with a sulk.

“And you have sex with girls who have-“

“DON’T. EVEN. MENTION. IT.” Callum slapped his hand over his friend’s mouth, interrupting him.

“You do realize that I know what you’re talking about, right?” D.W.R. stated with an evil smile “Oh no! My fingers have a mind of their own and are about to type up the explicit scene of that memory! Clop scene a-hoooooy!”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Callum pointed a finger at the man behind the desk, glaring at him with anger that could rival Celestia’s power.

“I’m only joking.” D.W.R. laughed “This isn’t that kind of... written piece.”

“Mmhmm.” Callum’s stare slowly faded, switching his attention to Ashley “So, finish your answer.”

“Well, as I said, the thought hasn’t come into my mind before, and who knows how far I’m willing to go with Grey Ink. As for having sex with Callum, that’s a big, in your face, no. Unlike Callum, I know restraint when it comes to sex.”

“And this is why people ask these questions, why we’re so close and that you don’t have sex with women. You’re the reason why people think I’m gay!”

“Well, I can make you turn gay with a simple typing of a sentence.” D.W.R. said with a malicious smile.

“Oh that would be funny as fuck.” Ashley added. "But of course, it shouldn't be with me, it should be with a pony

“Don’t encourage him!” Callum smacked his friend around the back of his head, making a loud slap sound, to which the ponies in the room heard.

“Nah, I’m joking.” D.W.R. chuckled, Callum let out a sigh of relief

“Well, that’s good.”

“Or am I?” D.W.R. said before clicking his fingers, making it so Callum couldn’t hear him, and vice versa.

“He’s going to be so pissed.” Ashley looked around the room, seeing the ponies look at Callum with the expression of shock. Callum’s face was red with rage, shouting profanities that neither Ashley nor D.W.R. could hear.

“Meh.” D.W.R. shrugged “I think it was still funny.”

“Yeah, it was.” Ashley said with a hint of laughter “Any more questions?”

“Oh yeah, there’s still some more. Although... One sec.” D.W.R. clicked his fingers, changing it so that only Ashley couldn’t hear what Callum was shouting, nor would the brown haired human hear what anyone else would say.

“Oh, Rainbow Dash.” D.W.R. called out, grabbing the attention of the cyan pegasus “The user called Captain Grim says the following; FRIEEEEEEEND-ZOOOOOOOOOOOONED!”

Callum immediately stopped what he was saying, to which everypony was thankful for. Celestia and Luna were amazed by the human’s... range of vocabulary. Rainbow Dash however, couldn’t help but feel slightly disheartened by the dragged out words that D.W.R. had said just moments ago.

“What is he talking about?” Rarity asked “What is this ‘friend zone’ and why did somepony want it to be said to Rainbow Dash?”

“Oh... Um.” The cyan pegasus had to quickly come up with an answer “It’s just something that’s said when you... Um... Have an awesome friend and the ‘zone’ is where you would keep your closest friends.” She lied, luckily for her, Rarity brought it.

Clicking his fingers, D.W.R. made it so only he and Rainbow Dash could hear each other “Nice save.” He whispered before clicking his fingers once more. Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but feel both saddened and filled with rage from whoever asked this.

“No prob, onwards with the next question.” He said, making it so everyone could hear him. “Ooooo, this looks interesting. The user UnintentionalMishap asks; Ashley and Callum, what is your relationship with Celestia and Luna?”

“Ummm...” Callum pondered “Can you make it so all of them hear us for that one?”

“What he said.” Ashley pointed at his pal. D.W.R. nodded, clicking his fingers once.

“Alright, both those guys wanted everyone to hear them for their answer.” D.W.R. said to the ponies around the room, their ears perked from curiosity.

Rubbing his hands together with a grin, Callum began to speak “I think we’ll start with Celestia first. For me, I like her. She’s a pretty cool friend and I was surprised that she is very understanding, she has my full trust. It was a shame that I didn’t get to give her a real massage without the intent of pranking her. If she could trust me to give her the massage, that’ll be pretty cool. Then again, she made me go behind Ashley’s back so I guess we’re even.” Celestia warmly smiled at his answer. She enjoyed the fact that the human put his full trust into her, and she did the same.

“Ooooooh boy. Where do I begin?” Ashley smirked, looking over towards the sun goddess. His arm was still around the grey pegasus holding him, not that he was complaining that she hadn’t let go of him. “She’s an alright gal. I like that she can take a joke or two and is capable of dishing them out as well, so she’s got a sense of humour, which I like in a person. I also enjoy the fact that she can put up with me and Callum.”

“Now, onto Luna...” Callum began. D.W.R. continued to type down their answers “I don’t like her as much as I like Celestia, but I still treat her as I would as a friend. Maybe because I don’t like the night that much and I guess that I just get along better with Celestia. I think Luna has more interests with Ashley than she does with me, y’know, with the whole night thing. I prefer the day so I guess that’s why I sort of look up to Celestia. Strong, powerful and a sense of humour to go along with it.”

Luna was a bit saddened by his answer, she hoped that both humans liked her, she eagerly awaited Ashley’s answer.

“Well, I’m fonder of Luna than Celestia. I know that she’s usually alone during the night court so I offered her my time if she needs someone to talk to during this time, or whenever she gets bored. I love the way she makes the night sky beautiful and I enjoying talking to her. In my opinion, she’s very down to earth but she needs to stop playing the ‘do what I say because I am in charge of you’ card.” Ashley chuckled with the last line, making Luna laugh lightly as well. “All in all, she’s a fantastic girl and she’s a terrific friend.”

All the ponies in the room smiled at their answers, even though the liked both princesses as much as the other, they still found it warming that the humans had openly said their opinions of them both. Celestia and Luna were trying to hold back tears of joy, hearing the humans opinions about them had made them feel all giddy inside for some strange reason.

“Ashley.” Luna said strictly, grabbing the humans attention “I order that you approach me so I can give you a hug for being brave to say such a thing in front of both my sister and I.”

“Callum, I order you to do the same for me and let me hug you.” Celestia smiled warmly.

Both humans looked at each other for a moment, both thinking the same thing: Are they being serious? Even the other ponies in the room were shocked that the humans were given such a privilege to perform the gesture to the princesses. Even though Twilight has hugged Celestia many times as she grew up in Canterlot, she couldn’t help but feel a very small tinge of joy to see her mentor bring herself into hugging the human.

Both Callum and Ashley still hadn’t moved, although, Ashley felt Grey Ink let go of him. He turned his head to the grey pegasus, seeing her pointing to Luna with a smile on her face.

“Pleeeease?” Luna pouted, holding out her fore-hooves like a child, trying her best to give Ashley her best puppy dog eyes. Celestia giggled at her sister, finding it funny to copy her with a very similar look, this time to Callum.

“Well go on then.” D.W.R. grinned.

“Alright, alright.” Callum huffed, leaning over his left to meet the embrace of the sun goddess, he felt her squeeze him tight, and so he did the same but not enough to hurt her. Once they let go, the both smiled at each other.

“It’s not every day ya get to hug a princess, is it Cal?” Applejack asked with a smirk.

“Shush you.” Callum snapped jokingly. “Now we wait for Ashley.” He turned to his friend, folding his arms.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Celestia egged on.

“Yeah Ash, afraid of Princess Luna gobbling you up?” Pinkie added cheerfully, grabbing a couple of laughs from the other element bearers.

“Maybe he’s scared!” Rarity chimed. “Callum didn’t see any problem in following Celestia’s order.”

“Go Ashley, go give Luna-chan your love for hugging.” D.W.R. teased.

“Ffffffffffffffffffffffine.” Ashley huffed, scooting out of his chair and placing himself in front of Luna’s. Her hooves were still held out, rolling his eyes and he lowered himself down near her. Luna took the chance and immediately pulled him into the embrace, even though Ashley didn’t manage to put his arms around her.

“Mmmph.” Ashley’s voice was muffled by Luna’s chest. Everyone around the room went into a fit of laughter, Luna was giggling like a schoolfilly. After a few seconds, she let go, smiling at the human as he managed to catch his breath. All he could smell was the scent of lilac during the embrace.

“Geez Luna, I think you enjoyed that more than I thought you would.” Ashley joked, standing up, a loud crack came from his back “See? She’s trying to break my back!” He chuckled as he walked over to the chair, only to get dragged back to Luna by her magic. “Oh no... nonononono!

“I think that somepony needs another hug for disobeying my order for so long!” Luna snickered, everyone else was in a fit of giggles as she wrapped her legs around him once more, this time however, Ashley put in all his strength into squeezing the dark blue alicorn. Luna saw this coming, trying to match the human’s strength with her own.

“Be careful for what you wish for.” Callum snorted “I think Grey Ink has got some competition.”

With that said, both Ashley’s and Luna’s eyes buldged, they broke off the competition for ‘who can hold who the tightest’. A small blush could be seen on both their faces.

“Ah-ha! The blush confirms it!” D.W.R. exclaimed jokingly “Luna x Ashley is the true O.T.P.”

“O.T.P?” Twilight asked.

“It means one true pairing.”

“I see.”

“Shut it D.W.R.” Both Luna and Ashley snapped, not caring that they spoke in unison.

“I think I’ve just got some new material.” Callum whispered to Celestia, grabbing a hushed laugh from the sun goddess. Ashley went and sat down his chair, only to have Grey Ink sit in between his legs, leaning her back onto his chest. She moved Ashley’s hands by wrapping a hoof around each of his wrists, placing his arms over hershoulders and down her chest. She placed her fore-hooves on top of where his hands met, which was her stomach.

“I’m not giving up Ashley without a fight.” Grey Ink bragged jokingly, wiggling herself into a comfortable position, twitching her wings a bit as she done so.

“Alright, shall we continue with the questions?” D.W.R. asked, receiving a nod from everyone in the room. “This question is from a user called Lone_Wolf, with an underscore instead of a space, and he asks this to everyone: Do you want a taco!?”

“What in tarnation is a ‘tah-co’?”

“Oh man... Tacos...” Callum licked his lips “Oh man, minced meat in a crunchy outer shell, topped off with some salad and some grilled cheese... I want one sooooooo bad right now.” Everypony wretched in disgust, the thought of eating meat was too much for them.

“Ugh, tacos. Disgusting things.” Ashley scoffed “Just give me some chicken and I’ll be happy.”

“So, these ‘tacos’ are what Callum described them as?” Celestia asked.

“Well, in a way, yes, although the meat inside tacos can be substituted to please vegetarians. This can make the taco taste just as good or even better. They are quite delectable as I’ve heard. Too bad I have to agree with Ashley here, they are disgusting.”

“So basically, only Callum wants a taco?” Everyone excluding Callum nodded, with the click of his fingers, D.W.R. made a taco on a plate appear in front of the human. Callum’s eyes lit up as he quickly devoured it within seconds, sighing once he finished.

“That was good. Cheers mate.”

D.W.R. clicked his fingers once more, making the plate disappear. “No problem. Now, onto the next question... ah, here we go. From Zilenan ninety one, he asks: Ashley, do you like waffles?”

“No, I prefer pancakes and French toast. But not waffles.” He replied in a strict tone, lifting one of his hands to stroke Grey Ink’s brown mane.

“Next question, from the same user and it is to Luna and Celestia. His message asks; So a pony walks into a gun store... This isn’t a question.” D.W.R. shrugged “But we’ll just roll with it anyway. What are your takes on this?”

“The pony should just leave and should be accompanied by someone who knows how to use the weapons before something bad happens.” Luna replies quickly.

“I agree with Luna.” Celestia added, her eyes quickly darted around the room.

“Meh, good enough.” D.W.R. shrugged once more, typing up her answer before scrolling through the remaining questions. “Oh boy, here we go. I’ve been saving these ones.”

“Who are they by?” Fluttershy asked “If you don’t mind me asking...”

“By the user Azzazel. He requests that these questions go to Celestia.”

“Fair enough, will you be doing that magic where others can not hear me?” Celestia asked, D.W.R. nodded, a sadistic grin had crept onto the only visible part of his face.

“And he requests that Luna is in the presence of these, so she will be to listen and talk amongst you and I.” D.W.R. clicked his fingers. “The first question is; do you like bananas?”

“I’ve already answered that, haven’t I?”

“I believe you have mentioned that you did enjoy bananas, somehow its result caused me being teleported to the moon.” Luna shot a frown at the hooded figure behind the desk, but he just shot a look that said ‘Yeah, I don’t care. It was funny to me at least.’ even though she couldn’t see it.

“We’ll just go onto their next question, which is: Have you ever toured a glue factory?”

“Well, we do not have factories for such a thing, but we do have many establishments that sell adhesives, many to which I have visited to see which ones have the strongest one. Why would they ask that?”

“Because on the human world, horses are made into glue.”

“...”

“THAT’S REVOLTING!” Luna yelled, disgusted by the thought of an animal much like her subjects being killed to be made into a thing that glues things together.

D.W.R. shrugged, smirking “You haven’t discovered the internet yet, count yourself lucky.”

“Please, can we go onto the next question?” Celestia asked.

“Right. Next question says: I know for a fact there is a troll living in your mirror, see if you can spot it!”

“What an idiotic thing to ask.” Celestia snorted “There are no trolls in sight when I look upon myself in the mirror.”

“Yeah, there is.” D.W.R. stated “In fact, you sort of answered the true meaning of this question.”

“And what is that?” Luna asked.

“In the human world, the label ‘troll’ is used when someone finds entertainment or excitement when they make other frustrated. This can be done in many ways, it is basically pranking people.” D.W.R. clicked his fingers, making a small mirror appear out of nowhere in front of Celestia’s face “Tell me what you see.”

“I see myself.”

“Really? I’m pretty sure you should see a troll.”

“I do not.”

“For mother’s sake Tia, he’s suggesting that you are the ‘troll’. He just explained what its meaning was! He is saying that you are a troll since you have a habit of pranking people, which means you find entertainment from the anger of others!”

“...Oh.” Was all Celestia could say, D.W.R. clicked his fingers once more, making the mirror disappear. He then leaned forward, placing his elbows on the desk as he placed his hands under his chin, supporting his head, bearing a smug grin on the visible part of his face.

“Art thou mad?” He asked

“... Yes, actually I am!” Celestia’s face turned slightly red from anger “How dare such a pony label me such a horrendous thing!”

“Ha, thou art mad.” Luna giggled. “Does thou mind if we may use this saying?”

“Oh, look! Old Luna is back!” Celestia snapped, her tone was filled with amusement. Luna blushed slightly, frowning at her sister but a smile broke through.

“Why, go ahead Luna, but only if you glomp Ashley.”

“What is a ‘glomp’?”

“It means that you tackle-hug him.”

“Why, I’ll be happy to oblige to that.” Luna giggled, covering her mouth with her hoof. “Continue on with the questions.”

“Alright, next question: Have you seen my snew?”

“What is a snew?” Celestia asked.

“No idea.” D.W.R. replied “Nor do I trust him enough to do some research. Google, it does nathing!”

“What?” Luna asked. D.W.R. ignored her, not bothering to explain.

“We’ll just have to skip that one, next one asks: I was wondering about something, if an emperor runs an empire, and a king runs a kingdom... Who runs a country?”

“Hmmm.” Celestia put a hoof to her lips “This pony likes their riddles, don’t they?”

“Well, I’d say that this trolling in the form of a riddle. It’s fairly easy.” D.W.R. replied.

“Lets see...” Luna mumbled “Surely it has to be a play on words? Since ‘king’ is part of ‘kingdom’ and ‘empire’ sounds somewhat familiar to ‘emperor’, but the question remains, who would run a country? Surely the answer would be a queen or a president?”

“You were on the right track there Luna. So close yet not close enough.”

“Well, I can’t think of anything.” Celestia sighed in defeat.

“It’s so simple! Come ‘ere.” D.W.R. gestured for the princesses to stand next to him, to which they did. Everyone else in the room looked at them confusingly for moment before going back into their small discussion. “The word you’re looking for is...”

“That word is completely unnecessary!” Celestia walked back to her seat, as did Luna. “This pony needs to be disciplined, severely!”

Meanwhile, D.W.R. couldn’t stop laughing his head off, once his laughter calmed down, he began to speak “Well, that was the word you were looking for!” Both princesses scowled at him once they sat back down. “Alright, final question. This is not like the others were, it’s actually quite serious. Also...” D.W.R. clicked his fingers “It is also asking Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy as well as-

“Well, spill the beans then.” Applejack interrupted.

“I was about to, but a certain orange mare just interrupted me.” Applejack awkwardly smiled, sinking back into her chair from embarrassment “This question is from the same user and I’ve been saving this one until last: What would you do if say... Another human fell into Equestria.” The ears of the ponies that could hear him perked. Another human in Equestria? What would he or she be like? Their minds were about to drift off into various versions of humans, well, personalities they could have.  “And let’s say his name would be Alex Mercer.”

Well, that took out the image of there being a female human in Equestria, Rainbow Dash, Celestia, Applejack and Twilight all wanted to see what Callum would do if there was the opposite gender of his species. Ashley continued on with the question “And he would be a bit more special than an average human. What would do and how would you treat him?”

D.W.R. leaned back on his chair, using part of his desk to raise his feet onto “Oh boy, this should be good. I already know of this person, I’ll explain a bit about who he is later, just because I can. I’ll let you have a minute to come up with your answers.”

** one minute later **

“Alright, time’s up. Who wants to go first?” Ashley asked. Rainbow Dash’s hoof shot off like a rocket into the air. “Alright, Rainbow Dash, you’re up.”

“Sweet.” She lowered her hoof “Since you said he would be more special than an average human, I kinda went with the idea that he can fly, so I’d challenge him to a race to see who is fastest. Of course, if he didn’t, I could always challenge him to a running race. I highly doubt he would beat me, let alone Ashley. As for how I would treat him... Well, I guess if he beat me, I would want to know how he was able to do that! Especially if he was capable of flying, if he could beat me then he’d most likely get into the Wonderbolts!”

“Ah, a splendid answer Rainbow Dash. Who is next?” Applejack’s hoof went into the air “Go ahead Applejack.”

“Well, sorta like R.D. did, Ah went with this ‘Alex Mercer’ to be able to have super strength. Ah’d happily challenge him to a hoof wrestle, or a bucking competition. If he can beat me, he’ll take on mah brother, Big Macintosh. If he beat both of us, Ah’d like to know his training resu... Er... Resu-me”

“It’s pronounced Resu-may, my darling Applejack.” Rarity corrected.

“Thank ya kindly.” Applejack smiled towards the fashionista, turning her attention to D.W.R. in his relaxed position “As Ah was sayin’, Ah’d like to see his trainin’ resume to see how Ah could be come strong like him. As fer how Ah’d treat him, Ah’d show him some good ol’ fashioned Apple family hospitality!”

“You mean where you went to attack Ashley and Big Mac got into a fight with him?” D.W.R. teased.

“How do y’all know that?”

“Filly please, I’m the author. Other than that, excellent answer. Who’s next?” Celestia raised her hoof “The floor is yours Celestia.”

“Well, I presume that this ‘Alex Mercer’ must have an attribute much like what Applejack and Rainbow Dash have listed. I guess I would make sure that he is no real danger to my subjects and will place him under the watchful eye of the local guard.” She looked back at Ashley and Callum. Ashley was still stroking Grey’s mane, to which she was enjoying so much that she decided to have a nap. Callum was laughing from as far as Celestia could tell. She turned her attention back to the figure at the desk “I would also ask my faithful student to send me reports about his behaviour, just in case.”

“Nice one.” D.W.R. clicked his fingers, making it so that the answers would practically write themselves on laptop. Why he didn’t do that earlier, he didn’t know, nor did he care. “Who’s next?”

“Oh oh oh!” Pinkie raised her hoof into the air, anticipation was meaningless to her. D.W.R. pointed his index finger at her and nodded. “Maybe he’s a super awesome party planner? If he is, then both himself and I could become a party planning duo, spreading the joy of partying across the entirety of Equestria! But it would be cool if he had super powers, maybe something liiiiiiike... Laser vision! Oh oh! I know! He can turn himself to look like other ponies!”

“You mean people.” D.W.R. corrected.

“What-ev.” Pinkie rolled her eyes “He would be an awesome spy! Sneaking into bakery’s to steal their goodies. *gasp* He wants my iced buns! If he touches them, he’s going to get a face full of party cannon, with extra streamers!”

“Oh man...” D.W.R. snickered “My dirty mind, it has struck. *cough* Alright, who’s next?” Rarity raised her hoof “Rarity, go ahead.”

“Well, I think that Pinkie has a point with the whole ‘he can turn himself to look like others’ idea. He would be an excellent model for me to use for my outfits, I can imagine it now! Rarity’s human line! Oh, it would be brilliant! He could change into any size, allowing me to get a wide range of measurements to use. Oh, and I would assume he is a true gentlecolt, being that he probably gets a lot of attention for being special. I would treat him like I would with many others, with nothing but respect.”

“Not bad, next person.” Twilight raised her hoof “Alright Twilight, take us away.”

“Well, while others are going more for physical attributes, I’ve decided that he is incredibly smart. Both he and I would spend all night and day performing experiments of all sorts, solving equations and studying each others world. It would be an amazing experience to do so. As for how I would treat him, I guess I would try to be friends with him and then introduce him to other ponies.” She ended her answer with a smile.

“Well, I can vouch to you that he knows quite a lot.” D.W.R. grinned, switching his attention to princess Luna. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, I believe I am. I would most likely take the same steps as my sister would, but I would also like to see that if he did have enhanced strength and or speed, I would like to test him and record it, to see how well he would also do against my human guard. After all, I want to make sure he isn’t a threat to Equestria after all, and I’m sure Ashley could probably enjoy the challenge. If he defeats Ashley and isn’t a threat to Equestria, I would highly likely ask this ‘Alex Mercer’ to join the ranks of the guards.”

“Very good answer Luna. Now all that leaves us with is Fluttershy.”

“Oh... Um... I guess he would be really good with animals. It would be good if he was strong and fast to make sure ponies don’t hurt in the Everfree forest. I would also like to see that if he was smart, like Twilight said, maybe he would know a few things about animals, or I could teach him. That’s if he wanted me to of course.”

“And I presume you would show him nothing but the sheer kindness you do with everyone else, even if he was a bit scary at first?” D.W.R. asked, Fluttershy nodded with a small smile. “Great. Now let me tell you why none of that would happen!”

“Wait, what?” Everypony excluding the princesses asked in unison.

“Why wouldn’t he do any of that?” Twilight asked.

“Well. Where to begin the bad-assery of Alex Mercer... Ah, I know. As for the whole ‘being a bit more special than other humans’, he is capable of flight, well, to some extent. He is capable of jumping incredibly high, unrivalled in his strength and speed and he is capable of taking the form of other humans, as well as having a very, very large amount of knowledge.”

“Then why wouldn’t he do anything we just said?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Because he’s a killing machine!” D.W.R. laughed “How does he shapeshift? He eats those he transforms into.” Everypony’s expressions were all of disgust and fear “That’s right. He eats them. Well, ‘consuming’ would be a better term to go with. His speed is faster than a cheetah, he can run up walls, he is capable of destroying armies and kills those in his path. He cares not for who they are if they get in the way of his objectives.” D.W.R. held up his hand “But, the best thing about him is his special abilities.

“W-what abilities?” Twilight asked.

“He can transform his hands and arms into weapons, such as a long metallic blade, capable of slicing flesh and bone with ease. He can turn his hands into claws that can tear thing to shreds in a matter of seconds. He can change his fists so that they can destroy metal vehicles such as tanks with nothing more than a couple smashes into them which can also make small craters and devastate troop concentrations. He can extend his reach with a weapon much like a whip, capable of bring targets running away from him, to next to him so he can consume them. These are just a few minor examples of his power. I could go on, but I can see that you’re all scared of just his description. Oh, and he has a fucking sexy jacket.”

Looking around at the ponies, D.W.R. couldn’t help but feel slightly sorry for them. “Of course, this is all trivial and the character is actually a fictional character, meaning that he doesn’t exist, he’s just made up.”

The whole group let out a loud sigh of relief, all at once. Fluttershy was still a bit shaken from the description of this ‘Alex Mercer’.

“Well, that’s all the questions.” D.W.R. clicked his fingers, making it so all can hear. Grey Ink yawned as she woke up, both Callum and Ashley look at the man behind the desk “I hope you all had fun, I know I did. If you wish to leave, you may do so. You have been terrific guests and I hope to see you another time.

As all the ponies and both humans walked out, Ashley of course was carrying Grey Ink on his back, seeing as she fell asleep again. D.W.R. heard Rainbow Dash say “That guy is really weird.”

“Ah can agree with ya there R.D.” Applejack added. D.W.R. clicked his fingers, the door closed before Luna managed to go through the door.

“What is the meaning of this?” She turned to D.W.R. behind his desk.

“Do you want me to tell you how you can fix the problem with you and Celestia using up almost all of Ashley’s and Callum’s handgun ammo?”

“What? You know of a way? How do you know?”

“Like I said, I am the author. I know many things. Now...” He walked up to Luna, putting his mouth next to her ear and whispered something. Once finished, he was going to pull away, only to get pulled into a quick embrace from the princess of the night.

“Thank you for telling me that. You’re a good pony, even though you don’t realize it.” She whispered into his ear. D.W.R. rolled his eyes and returned the embrace, both broke apart. Clicking his fingers, the door opened once more, revealing princess Celestia waiting on the other side.

“And what were you two talking about?” She asked, closing her eyes half way with a smirk.

“A way to fix our problem.” Luna ushered Celestia away, both looked back at the author and smiled as he closed the door.

“Oh, and before you go Celestia.” Celestia turned her head around, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“Azzazel also asked; Dear Princess Celestia, Is your horn hard?” D.W.R. asked with a smirk

“Well, of course it is. It’s my horn, it has always been, and always will, be hard.”

Luna and D.W.R. tried their best to contain their giggling fit, Celestia rolled her eyes, oblivious to what she just said, that was, until realization hit her square in the face.

"Wait... Did that pony mean it in a dirty way?" Celestia asked, D.W.R. nodded "OH that's just absolutely disgusting! Whoever this pony is, I want to have a strict word with them and how that they should learn to speak to others with respect!" With that said, she left quickly with a loud, angry huff. Luna couldn't help but giggle lightly, watching her sister go into an angry fit over something so small was always satisfying.

The hooded figure waved them off as he closed the door.

“Ffffffinally!” D.W.R. sighed, rushing back to the laptop. Everything in this chapter is sooo going to bite me in the ass later.

There you have it guys. The bonus chapter is complete. I would like to thank not only those who submitted questions, but to also thank each and every person who put up with story enough to make it reach 41k+ views! Hot damn, I deserve a celebratory energy drink after tuning this out since 8am this morning. So, don’t forget to comment and what not. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I found it amusing to write up this chapter as well. Hopefully, I brought justice when it came to entertaining you with this stuff.

See you guys around, and remain awesome.  Remember, if you have any concerns then don’t hesitate to send me a message. I won’t bite, I’ll just nibble. –DWR out.

-12th of july edit: I had forgot two of the questions, they were:

Captain Grim and his question about the humans having sex with each other

Azzazel’s question of Celestia’s horn being hard.