Princess Luna and the Guardian of the Faculty Lot

by DashEight

Rating: everyone
Tags: Vice-Principal Luna, Princess Luna, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Adventure, Principal Celestia
Length: 12171

Equestria’s lunar diarch ventures to lands beyond on an epic quest to uncover the forbidden secrets of the place they call the Faculty Parking Lot

Princess Luna heard the stories of the lands beyond the mirror. The Oracle of the Setting Sun, traveler of this fabled other world, returned with tales of marvels the likes of which Equestria has never seen. Automatic carriages with the strength of four hundred horses. Metal birds that prowl the skies, swooping in and ambushing their victims with paparazzi photoshoots. Butter substitutes beyond belief.

One legend stood stood above the rest. A forbidden place that holds a power greater than any known to humankind, zealously guarded by a stoic warrior-scholar. Many students have braved her wrath, yet none have returned, banished into a hellish limbo where they remain trapped until long after the final bell tolls.

But Princess Luna is no mere student. She will not fail as have so many others. She will travel to this 'Canterlot High School,' uncover the mysteries that lie within, and claim for herself the infinite power of...

...the Faculty Parking Lot!

Published 2018-02-21 21:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-22 15:59:41 UTC

The Magical Land of Public School

*CRACK-BOOM*

Principal Celestia looked up from her desktop computer in annoyance as echoes of thunder rolled across Canterlot High School. Cheery springtime sunshine had given way to a surprise storm, and if Celestia didn't finish her busywork soon she'd likely be caught in the coming downpour on her walk home from the bus stop. She frowned and refocused her eyes at the unfinished email in her browser.

TO: s.shimmer@chs.edu
CC: portalcommittee@chs.edu, vp.luna@chs.edu

Sunset,

I'm glad to hear the matter was resolved without further incident and I appreciate you and your friends' willingness to vouch for Miss Blush. I still must refer the matter to the detention coordinator as she knowingly violated several school policies relating to the use of magical artifacts, however rest assured that we will take her remorse and your forgiveness of her actions into account before making any decisions. Much like another reformed troublemaker I'm reminded of, I think she's learned her lesson and we won't have to worry about her mind-controlling her fellow students again.

Yours truly,
Principal Celestia

Celestia sent the email with the click of a mouse and briefly scrolled through her inbox. Seeing nothing else of note, she powered down the machine, flipped off the lights for the night, and left her office for the darkened hallways of CHS. Her heels echoed throughout the nearly empty building as she walked towards the front entrance. Few souls remained in the building his late in the afternoon, only the most dedicated of club students and troublesome of detention students along with a smattering of school staff.

As she turned the corner for the school's entrance hall, Celestia stiffened. She felt a chill down her spine, the fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her forearms broke out in goosebumps. She glanced behind her, seeing nothing but lockers and shadows. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling she wasn't alone, the nagging fear that someone... no, something was watching her. She quickened her pace towards the exit.

*CRACK-BOOM*

The flash of distant lightning illuminated a cloaked figure skulking in the shadows near the exit. Celestia yelped, then stamped her foot in anger as she recognized the silent observer.

"What the Faust, Luna!? You startled me!!"

The shadow that resembled her sister stood silently in its darkened alcove.

"Lulu?"

Still nothing.

Not one to be easily intimidated, Celestia stepped towards the silent figure. "Lulu? Stop trying to mess with me! Remember, I know where you're ticklish!"

"Wait!" The shadow finally moved, raising a hand from beneath its cloak. "Fear not, kind ruler of this land. I am Luna, but not the sister you know and love. You see, I come from a faraway magical place, a kingdom that is very different from your own and yet alike in so many ways. I am Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria, Shepherd of the Moon and SOVERIGN RULER OF THE NIGHT!" The Princess threw her hood back and stood proud against another thunderclap, the lightning illuminating her royal poise. The portal had transformed her royal vestments and travelling cloak into attire more appropriate for the ruler of a suburban high school: business-casual covered by a waterproof poncho.

"Right, you're that Luna." Celestia stuck a pinkie in her ear in a futile attempt to clear the incessant ringing. "I'd welcome you to Canterlot High, your Majesty, but I'm afraid you can't be in here without a pass. It's against school policy."

Luna abandoned her dramatic pose to raise an eyebrow at her sister-from-another-dimension. "School policy?"

"Yes," Celestia nodded. "The laws that govern students, teachers, and all others within these lands... ahem, this building. All extra-dimensional travelers must have a hall pass to remain on school grounds unsupervised."

"But why!? Twilight Sparkle never spoke of this!"

"Oh, you know the other Twilight? She wouldn't have heard of this, it's a recent thing. We've had a few... incidents... and it was the only way to placate the insurance company." Celestia grimaced at the memory of her recent meeting with the district's claims adjuster. "You'll need to register with the office, it'll be open Monday morning."

"Closed for the weekend!? Curse this endless bureaucracy!! I am on a quest of dire importance, and cannot afford to dally a single minute more!" Luna balled her fists and stomped her foot as yet another bolt of lightning flashed in the windows. Thunder rolled across CHS campus a second later.

"Princess, please settle down!" Celestia tried to calm the flustered diarch. "I am sorry, but I can't blatantly ignore school policy like that. I may be ruler of this kingd--er, high school, but what is a ruler if she abandons her own rules whenever she feels?"

Princess Luna considered this a moment, then crossed her arms in a huff. "Typical Celie. Some things never change..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" The Princess nearly shouted, her voice raising an octave. "You merely misheard Us, is all!"

Celestia rubbed her brow. This was not what she needed right now. "Look, maybe I can help you out, if you work with me. You are a Princess, I suppose."

"That I am." Luna puffed out her chest proudly. "Princess of the Night."

Celestia rolled her eyes. "Right... I can write you a temporary exchange student pass. The building stays open over the weekend from eight to six for clubs and team practices, you'll be free to come and go as you please. My sister's running the show, there are students staying late for various reasons, and Miss Cheerilee, Nurse Redheart, and I think Coach Will and Coach Torch are also around if you need them."

"I see," Princess Luna nodded as she put on her 'I completely understand what you are saying and am in no way simply agreeing with you to get you to go away' face. She was well-practiced in the use of such a facial expression, utilizing it nearly every time she spoke with her sister's royal advisers.

Celestia crossed her arms and eyed her sister's royal doppleganger with suspicion. She'd seen that look before. "Mind if I ask what this quest of yours is about?"

The Princess nodded solemnly. "Legends tell of a realm that lies beyond these walls. A place of great power, possibly greater than any other in this world or my own."

"The faculty parking lot?"

Luna's eyes widened in surprise. "You know of this place!?"

"I do," Celestia answered, silently wishing the otherworldly royal was here for anything else. Just when she thought it was all over, the damned faculty lot seemed to be causing trouble all over again. "I once journeyed to the lot whenever I pleased, but that... that was a long time ago."

"Excellent!" The Princess exclaimed, excited to find a possible adventuring companion. "Will you travel with me, and reclaim the glory you once knew?"

"I'm afraid I can't go back," Celestia slowly shook her head. "There is nothing for me there now..."

* * * * *

"Yeesh," Wrench Turner muttered as he examined the passenger-side door panel of the Prius. The entire front right quarter of the compact hybrid had been gouged, dented, and crumpled beyond recognition. The passenger window had shattered into a million tiny cubes of safety glass, and the wheel sat at an odd angle, axle broken and tire shredded so thoroughly that even the run-flat features had been unable to save it. "Whad'ya say did this? Some sorta mammary explosion?"

"Memory Stone explosion," Celestia clarified as she pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Right," the mechanic poked at the warped aluminum. "Lucky you've got full coverage, cause this is not an easy fix. I'll run the numbers for ya, but to be honest she's probably totaled."

Celestia sighed. She had hoped, beyond all reason, that her faithful vehicle would pull through and once again ride with her up and down the streets of Canterlot, but Wrench was only telling her what she already knew deep down. Her car was finished.

"I'll fax everything over to Draconequus Mutual with yer policy number, they should have something new for you by next week."

"Thanks, Wrench," Celestia couldn't quite hide her disappointment. "If you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call."

* * * * *

"So you see, as much as I wish I could help you in your quest, I must walk a different path." Celestia finished her tragic tale. "Specifically, to the bus stop. If I miss this one the next isn't for another hour."

"I... I understand," Princess Luna bowed her head in respect to Celestia's loss. "This 'Prius' has given their life to protect Harmony within your world. The nobles of House Toyota should be honored to have such bravery and selflessness amongst their bloodline."

"Thank you, Princess." Celesta replied solemnly. It was a nice sentiment, if slightly nonsensical.

Luna once again drew herself up, steeling herself for the trials ahead. "Know that Prius will not have died in vain. I swear to you that I shall find the Faculty Parking Lot, and retrieve the power within so that it may never threaten Canterlot High again!"

*CRACK-BOOM* Lightning and thunder punctuated the Princess’s point once again. Celestia raised a curious eyebrow before responding to Luna.

"I wish you luck in your quest, your Majesty." Celestia said. As an administrator, she really should be discouraging this kind of behavior on school grounds, but the other world's Luna made everything seem so... epic. What kind of educator was she to stifle such creativity? Besides, she had a bus to catch. "But be warned! Once I leave these grounds, Canterlot High falls under the rule of my sister, Vice Principal Luna. When it comes to matters of school policy, she is... less forgiving than I." She pointed to the note clutched in the Princess's left hand. "That hall pass gives you student privileges only, it will not gain you entry to the faculty lot. Nor will it protect you from her wrath."

"I understand." A serious nod from the strange Princess. So different from her sister, yet in other ways so alike. They certainly shared a single-minded sense of purpose, as well as a fixation with that tiresome strip of asphalt and paint.

"There is nothing I can say to convince you to give up this crusade? There have been others, you know. Not one has succeeded."

"I'm afraid not, noble educator." Luna shook her head. "I have given my word as Princess."

"I see. Good luck, then."

"Thank you, Celestia. I will not forget your kindness!" The other Luna faded back into the shadows. Celestia stood alone in the hallway for a moment before continuing out the school and onto the city bus stop down the block. She pulled out her phone as the winds from the approaching storm whipped around her. Her finger hovered over Vice Principal Luna's name on the text app's contact list for a moment before she shook her head and returned the device to her bag. Shouldn't have laughed when I asked you to carpool this week, Sister.

Author's Note

Peter Jackson ain’t got shit on me.

More to come! You know, probably! *womp womp*

One Night Only: Princess vs Principal!

*CRACK-BOOM*

The storm drew ever closer as Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria and Ruler of the Night made her way across this strange new land. She wrapped her travelling cloak, transformed by the journey into what she now called her Poncho of the North Face, tightly around her body. This world seemed to have completed its winter wrap-up moons ago, yet an unnerving chill still permeated the air. She also hoped to avoid getting her hair wet so early into her quest. Her ethereal mane hadn't crossed dimensions with her and from what she remembered of mortal hair styling, getting it wet was just the worst.

The Princess wandered throughout the hallways, examining her surroundings for clues that would point her in the direction of her goal. Many of the beige walls were lined with skinny metal closets, but every so often she'd find tapestries or glass displays depicting Canterlot High's victories against various foes. While she found herself intrigued by the tales of battle--surely her counterpart had led the armies of CHS in a glorious campaign or two against the forces of evil--she paid them little mind. She instead looked for etchings that spoke not of glory, but of desperation, of a people leaving everything they knew behind and fleeing for their very lives. Finding one such pictoral, she brushed the dust away and examined its ancient surface.

CHS FIRE EVACUATION PLAN - NEAREST EXITS

IN EVENT OF EMERGENCY USE STAIRS!

Luna nodded to herself as she recognized the meaning of the writings. No doubt at some point in the past the students of Canterlot High had found the fires of war at their gates and been forced to abandon the school. Likely driven from their land by the barbaric Shadowbolts, if the other portraits were any indication. The warning left behind at their darkest hour proved to be just the guidance Luna needed as she traced her index finger along the dotted line out the building's exit and into the desolate plain beyond labeled Assemble Here - Faculty Parking Lot #1.

Her path laid clear before her, Luna set out with a new sense of purpose. Those poor lost souls had flung a torch into the abyss of time, and now it was her duty to pick up that torch and carry on where they could not. She dashed down the hallways, sprinting around corners and completely ignoring the No Running signs--they were probably for somepony else anyway--until she spotted the symbol she'd been looking for. The glowing red EXIT sign marked a doorway which surely lead to the Lot of legend, just as the evacuation map had foretold! She lowered her shoulder and slammed into the doorway at full tilt, her momentum launching her through the mighty wrought-aluminum barrier and into the unknown wonders beyond.

Equestria’s most intimidating Princess burst forth from the school’s side exit and landed in a combat crouch atop the concrete path outside. She scanned her surroundings, seeing no adversaries. Satisfied, she stood and approached the vast foreboding plain of blacktop before her. Automatic carriages of countless shapes and sizes littered the expanse, doubtlessly left behind by other adventurers who had come before, who tried and perished in their efforts claim this land’s untold treasure. More writings etched into metal signs, presumably to preserve their warnings against the elements, confirmed this to be the infamous Canterlot High School Faculty Lot.

Success!

Conveniently-timed lightning cracked across the sky as the Princess leaped and shook her fists in the air in celebration. Her long, arduous journey, all forty-five minutes of it, would soon be at an end and the power that loomed over this land like an executioner's ax would be safely in her hooves. From there, it would be a simple matter of transporting it to Equestria and hiding it where it could do no harm. Perhaps she'd tuck it safely away in some desolate corner of the map and surround it with magical wards and traps for protection. Maybe start a few rumors to keep the locals at bay, rumors that could blossom into myths and legends over a few generations. Though she'd have to keep an eye on it. After all, you never knew when some mysterious adventurer from a faraway land would learn of your hidden relic and insist on stealing it for Faust-knows-what reason. Luna hated when that happened, but what else was a Princess to do? Keep it in the castle? No thank you, anypony with half a brain could tell what a bad idea that was ever since the incident with Philomena and the Obsidian Obelisk of Oppression.

Luna silently chided herself for getting carried away. She still needed to search the endless rows of the Faculty Lot and find the source of its unnatural power. A daunting task for anypony, to search this barren wasteland for something of unknown shape or size, all while in a strange body with no horn in a world where magic seemed to play by its own rules, like a renegade guardspony with nothing left to lose.

Fortunately for Luna, she wasn't just anypony. She was a Princess. A Princess of the Night.

Luna closed her eyes and looked inwards, calling upon the magic inside her. Thousands of years had taught the alicorn that horns, while useful for casting neat, organized spells, were not necessary for magic. The force known as magic burned in all living things and permeated throughout all worlds and the spaces between. Utilizing it was just a matter of understanding and experience.

She drew upon her aura and reached up, up and out into the aether. The wind picked up, pulling at her poncho and whipping her hair into a frenzy. An indigo glow surrounded her and she slowly floated off the ground, suspended in midair by the raw power coursing through her. She could feel the presence of everything around her, from the birds hunkering down before the oncoming storm to the weeds poking up through cracked asphalt to the very lines of magic coursing through the world around her.

Luna opened her eyes, now shining with a brilliant white light. She reached out with her magic along the ley lines that ran through this forbidden landscape, searching for something that warped the flow, something that did not belong here. Sure enough, she felt the ambient lines of magic bend, as if twisted and misshapen by something nearby. She concentrated on tracing this distortion back to its source. The flow of energy snarled, tangled into an ethereal knot by a malevolent outside force. A force that seemed to originate from right... over...

"You can't be here."

*CRACK-BOOM*

"EEP!"

Luna's aura winked out and she dropped to the rough asphalt of the Lot, landing on guard in a three-point stance after tripping over herself only a little bit. She whirled around, frantically searching for the source of the voice.

"Who said that? Show yourself!" She demanded, seeing nothing. She hoped her voice didn't give away the anxiety she felt. In all her thousands of years as a warrior and Princess, she'd never once been on the receiving end of a surprise-reveal. Now that she had, she found it to be a thoroughly unenjoyable experience.

"It's school policy. You're not allowed here." The voice again drifted from the shadows. A dark figure stepped out from behind the frame of a parked Chevrolet Nova. "This is the faculty lot," the figure stated in an accusing tone as it stepped out into the light of an overhead streetlamp, "and you are not faculty."

Luna blinked in surprise. This was her, then. Vice Principal Luna, her doppelganger in this strange world. Her own face--no, her twin's face--stared back at her in a disapproving scowl framed by a conservative hairstyle and smart business casual wear that proclaimed her station as acting ruler of Canterlot High School. The Princess stood and dusted herself off, remembering the other Celestia's warnings. This was not a mare to be trifled with.

The Princess cleared her throat, putting on her most diplomatic 'while I may want to fight you, I acknowledge there are more practical ways to solve our differences in this day and age' face. She'd carefully honed it during meetings with foreign dignitaries since her return to the throne. "Greetings, Vice Principal Luna. My name is Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria and I have traveled from beyond your realm to seek a great power that has placed your world in grave danger." She held out her temporary pass for her double to see. "I have met your sister during my travels and she has granted me safe passage throughout your lands."

The Vice Principal shook her head. "You're too late. The Memory Stone is no more and the student wielding it shall be dealt with at a disciplinary hearing on Monday. There is hope for her yet, but she must atone for her actions."

Memory Stone? Oh, right, she means Princess Twilight's little research project. I'd forgotten.

"I thank you for your concern, your Majesty, but surely you see Canterlot High does not require the aid of Equestria at this time."

"I am not here for the... Memory Stone, was it? I have learned from my fellow worldwalker Sunset Shimmer that somewhere in this parking lot, perhaps beneath our very hooves, lies a force powerful enough to bring ruin upon this institution."

Vice Principal Luna's eyes narrowed. Her scowl deepened. "And did Sunset Shimmer or my sister tell you anything else about this place?"

The Princess hesitated. "That... that it was guarded. That you would not allow anypony near." She clenched her fists, steeling her resolve. "But surely you must see the danger--"

Her double cut her off with a dismissive wave of a hand. "The secrets of the Faculty Lot are safe in the hands of Canterlot High teaching staff. My sister--" she spoke the word with more than a twinge of annoyance, "has seen fit to grant you the privileges of an exchange student until you may be formally documented as an Equestrian during office hours. But this is no place for students. Leave now, and abandon this foolish quest of yours before someone gets hurt. I will not ask again."

Luna's blood boiled. How could somepony be so obstinate? Surely her double could see the foalishness of her actions, the peril to Canterlot High caused by her pride? Luna herself would never behave in such a fashion!

...Well, besides that one time, but that was ages ago!

"You're making a mistake," Princess Luna growled through clenched teeth. "Your world is but a foal to the world of magic! You can't possibly understand the power you're toying with!"

"There's more than one kind of power out there, your Highness," the Vice Principal remarked as she carefully paced to the side, keeping her adversary at a distance. "Stand down now, this is your last chance."

"So much for the peaceful route..." Luna muttered. "Very well! I bear you no ill will, good administrator, but I cannot allow the fate of worlds to be sealed by mere bureaucracy! You may be feared amongst the colts and fillies of this institution, but I will not be held hostage by mere threats of scholastic punishment! For I am the PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!"

*CRACK-BOOM*

The Princess's eyes glowed a brilliant white and she rose into the air, once again surrounded by brilliant blue magic. The fearsome winds of the oncoming storm whipped her hair and sensible businesswear about as she called upon her mighty alicorn magic. She raised her arms above her head, drawing her mana from within into a roiling, crackling ball of energy. The Vice Principal tensed below her, preparing for the oncoming onslaught.

Vice Principal Luna leapt out of the way just as the Princess launched her attack, dodging the wave of powerful dream magic as it roiled across the lot and set off several car alarms. Beyond the far end of the Faculty Lot, several members of the Wondercolts soccer team dropped into an immediate blissful slumber, collapsing onto the practice pitch like so many marionettes with their strings cut.

"Is that the best you can do, your Majesty!?" The VP taunted from below her. "Your kind are legends in your world, I expected better from Equestrian royalty!"

Princess Luna snarled in fury as she drew more magic for another attack. The Vice Principal may be ruler of this strange land, but she would not--

*Pop! Tktktktktktktktk*

Luna convulsed in midair as pain coursed through her body like a red-hot blade at the tip of every nerve. Her magic winked out again and she fell crumpled into a heap atop the rough pavement of the Faculty Lot, her arms and legs twitching uncontrollably. She groaned and looked up at the fuzzy figure looming over her. It crouched down, a small yellow rectangle gripped tightly in one hand as it examined the fallen Princess.

"I offered you a chance to bow out with grace and humility, like a Princess. You threw that offer back in my face. Now I'm forced to treat you as a student, and school policy dictates there is only one fate for a student as violent and disruptive as you..."

Princess Luna, Sovereign Ruler of the Night let her eyes flutter shut as she slipped in to blissful unconsciousness.

"Ugh..." Princess Luna jerked awake to the sensation of hundreds of tiny Diamond Dogs taking pickaxes to the inside of her skull. Her vision swam as she tried to focus, squinting at the bright white lights that assaulted her senses.

"Ooh! Easy there, your Majesty!" A voice from somewhere off to her side. A white and pink silhouette appeared at the edge of her vision. "You took a whopper of a hit there!"

Luna blinked as the world came back into focus. Drop tile ceiling. Cheap fluorescent lights. More writings upon the walls, depicting stylized art of what appeared to be a pyramid constructed solely of food. An anxious nurse sat beside her, waving a penlight in front of her eyes.

"What... what happened?"

"You got into a fight with the Vice Principal is what happened, Princess!" The nurse exclaimed. "Never seen anything like it! Well, besides yesterday with that explosion, and the--okay, it's actually not that unusual for this school, but that was still quite the light show! How are you feeling? Dizziness? Nausea? Pony ears?"

"No, I'm fine, Nurse..."

"Redheart, Nurse Redheart! Sorry, it's not everyday we get royalty in here!"

"Charmed," Princess Luna struggled to rise off the office cot, wincing in pain. "I've suffered worse injuries than this, though perhaps not, I think, worse indignities. Praytell, what happened during our confrontation that injured me so? I did not know anypony in this world could harness bolts of lightning in such a manner?"

"Ooh yeah, that Taser of hers smarts real good," Nurse Redheart nodded in agreement. "Did a number on ya, that's for sure. Funny part is you're already healing up! Must be a pony thing..."

"Hmm..." Luna mused. So her counterpart possessed a totem that imbued her with the powers of Zeus? Quite the snarl in her plans indeed... not even her alicorn magic could match the might of this ‘taser,’ she’d have to tread carefully before making her next move. She sat up and gingerly eased herself off the cot. “I thank you for your hospitality Nurse Redheart, but I must be off. The call to adventure waits for nopony!” She frowned as Redheart scrambled to block the exit. “Is something wrong?”

“Well, you assaulted the Vice Principal, you didn’t think we’d just let you walk outta here did ya?” Nurse Redheart replied with a look of confusion. She handed the Princess a pink slip of paper. “Here, give this to Miss Cheerilee in the library. Take the hallway down to the end, then make a left. You’ll see it. You are technically a student here, after all, and it’s school policy!”

Luna scanned the slip of paper. Several boxes had been hastily scribbled out the form bore a signature at the bottom strikingly similar to her own hornwriting. It read CHS DISCIPLINARY FORM — NOTICE OF DETENTION.

It is said that on that night, the Princess of the Night’s cries of frustration could be heard clear across the District of Canterlot.

Author's Note

I’ma take a guess and say VP Luna doesn’t use a taser on misbehaving students, but there’s maybe some exceptions for renegade princesses from another dimension.

After all, it’s school policy...

The Great and Powerful Escape

"Welcome to detention," Cheerilee intoned with all the energy of an educator at the very end of her rope. She sunk a little deeper into her chair as she addressed the few students seated at her library's tables. "You will use this time productively working on assignments of your choosing. No talking, no texting, no social media. I don't wont to be here any more than you do but if you all sit quietly and do your work we can be out of here before the rain hits. Any questions?"

A pale green arm shot up. "Miss Blush?"

"Um, I don't have any homework and I finished all my projects for the week. What should I do?"

"Hmm," Cheerilee pursed her lips. "You can grab a book from the stacks and read quietly."

Wallflower Blush nodded and stood from her table. As she passed the two other Canterlot High students unlucky enough to be stuck in detention, one scoffed indignantly and nudged the other.

"Nerrrrrrrrrd," she whispered as Wallflower disappeared into the library stacks.

"Miss Lulamoon!" Cheerilee spat, annoyed that they were not yet a minute into detention and her authority was already being defied. "Do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us!?"

"Trixie does, in fact!" Trixie angrily slammed a fist down on the table. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is a hero of Canterlot High! I helped save the school two days ago! From her, no less!! So why is Trixie being treated like a common criminal!?"

"Trixie, whether you saved the school or not doesn't matter, you were caught with three boxes of smoke bombs in your backpack! Pyrotechnics aren't allowed on Canterlot High property, you know that's school policy! In fact, I don't even think they're allowed in this state! So consider yourself lucky, sit down, and get back to work."

Trixie and Cheerilee angrily glared at each other for a tense moment, the student refusing to yield out of bitter spite at the system which had wronged her. The seconds ticked by until Trixie finally relented, angrily adjusted her pointed hat, and took her seat. She was a magician of principle, but she also had no desire to see time added to her sentence.

Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria and Soverign Ruler of the Night watched the exchange in silence. She’d already found the hard way that her own magic was vastly outmatched by the ruler of this domain. It only made sense that the Vice Principal would bestow some of her power to her followers. Luna abhorred the idea of kowtowing to any foe, much less a school administrator—She was a Princess, for Faustsakes! She’d carved out a place in the world for her little ponies through blood and sweat and steel, showing the world of Equus time and time again the strength and resolve of the pony species. Not even the dragons had dared to wage war against Equestria in over a thousand years! Yet she found herself at an impasse. Until she understood more about the Vice Principal’s command of the elements or the talisman that seemed to be the source of her incredible magic, direct confrontation was out of the question. Luna considered herself a fighter at heart, but she was also a practical diarch. She knew when to walk away from a hopeless fight.

...

Aside from that one time, but that didn’t count! Family squabbles had always clouded her judgement.

Both students eyed Cheerilee like a pair of hawks until the librarian turned back to her desktop monitor and re-inserted her earbuds. With their warden's attention captured by the allure of streaming entertainment, the two immediately turned to each other.

"Okay, we're good. No way she can hear us, those are noise-cancelling." Trixie whispered to the Princess seated next to her. Luna nodded. A classic blunder; she'd caught more than one of the guards at Canterlot Castle fast asleep under a Cone-of-Silence spell. "Can you believe this? Trixie deserves a statue in her honor, not a weekend of detention!"

"Tis hypocrisy of the highest order," Princess Luna agreed. "You are the one who helped Sunset Shimmer recover her friends' memories, correct?"

Trixie smiled smugly and nodded.

"You have my gratitude. I would not wish a lifetime of scorn and indifference upon anypony, least of all my possible adopted niece." Luna continued. "You must be a great wizard indeed."

"Great AND powerful." Trixie replied with a smirk and a tip of her hat. "Trixie Lulamoon, magician extraordinaire at your service!"

"A pleasure to meet you, Trixie. I am Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria and Guardian of the Night." It took all the self-control Luna had to not shout her titles at the heavens. "Do we really need to keep whispering like this?"

"Hmm..." Trixie pondered that for a moment before she looked at Cheerilee and raised her hand. "Miss Cheerilee?"

No response from Cheerilee, who remained engrossed in her show.

"Miss Cheerilee?" She continued. "Does one teach high school because they've given up on their dreams or does one give up on their dreams because they teach high school?"

Still nothing.

"Evidently not," Trixie concluded. "So, you want to get out of here? A Princess must have better things to do than sit around in detention all evening."

"Indeed I do. A quest of grave, nay, monumental importance. But how? The keepers of this school possess magic unmatched by anything I have encountered in my eons as Sovereign Ruler of the Night."

Trixie raised an eyebrow. "Soo... is that like a thing, or what?"

"It is most indeed a thing!" Luna replied hotly. "But our problem remains! I have little knowledge of the magic of this world. I could perhaps unlock the doors to this dungeon, but I cannot defeat our jailers! Believe me, for I have tried."

"No need to worry," Trixie dismissed Luna's concerns with a flourish of her hand, "for you see, the Great and Powerful Trrrixie is a master of the disappearing act! That is, if you think you need a partner on this quest of yours..."

Luna pondered the offer. "I suppose. Adventures tend to be more lighthearted with a friend or two by your side."

"Aha!" Trixie pumped her fist. "Watch out, Rainbooms! Your skills at friendship are no match for those of the Great and Powerful--wait, what did you mean, two?"

Luna gestured behind Trixie towards a very confused Wallflower Blush. Trixie turned, yelped, and leapt into the air.

"WALLFLOWER!" Trixie yelled as Luna caught her. "Stop doing that!"

"Doing what??" Wallflower asked defensively, clutching her library book tightly to her chest.

"Sneaking up on me all the time!"

"I wasn't!" Wallflower said as fiercely as her timid voice allowed. "I was just standing here!"

"For how long!?"

"Several minutes! You just didn't notice!"

"WELL EXCU-USE ME IF YOU DON'T HAVE TRIXIE'S NATURAL CHARISMA!"

Something clicked in Luna's brain as her eyes pinballed back and forth between the two arguing students. "Wallflower Blush? You're the girl that used the Memory Stone?"

"Y-yes, ma'am. I, um, I'm really really really sorry. Really." The girl visibly wilted under Luna's gaze. "I'm not evil, ma'am, I swear! I... I just got tired of everyone forgetting about me. I didn't know what else to do!"

"You are not alone, child." Luna placed a hand below Wallflower's chin, raising her gaze to meet Luna's own. "I am no stranger to such feelings of abandonment and isolation, nor to the allure of dark magic."

"I thought that D. M. A. R. E. class was a load of hooey, but they were right. They were so, so right..." Wallflower brushed a tear from her eye and pulled Luna into a hug. "Thank you, ma'am. I'll never do anything like that again, I promise!"

"It's alright, child." Luna gingerly patted Wallflower's head for a few seconds before the distraught student released her. These displays of comfort and affection were more up her sister's wheelhouse. "We forgive you. And I'm sure that Sunset and the others have as well."

"Thank you so much..." Wallflower whispered. "But what are you even doing here in detention with us instead of your office? Why can't you just leave? and are you really Sunset Shimmer's aunt?? I had no idea she was Principal Celestia's daughter!"

Trixie scoffed. "Why would the Vice Principal put herself in detention!? This is obviously the Luna from the other dimension, Wallflower. It took Trixie but a few seconds and some context to figure that out!"

Luna rolled her eyes at her new friend's haughtiness. "Luna. Princess. Equestrian diarch, Moon shepherd, Sovereign Ruler of the Night. Pleased to meet you." She shook Wallflower's hand. "And I am Sunset's possible adopted aunt. I really ought to clarify that with Celie sometime, she can be maddeningly vague about the most important subjects..."

"Princess?" Wallflower asked, dumbfounded. "Other dimension? I... what... I was gone for two minutes, how much did I miss??"

"A lot, apparently." Trixie snarked. She made a show of inspecting her cuticles to signify how very bored she was with Wallflower. "Do you mind? We were in the middle of plotting an escape!"

"So... you're not..."

"I'm afraid not," Luna shook her head, "but my words were true. I have felt pain similar to yours, and lashed out in a manner that I soon came to regret. Yet I found that those I sought to hurt and destroy forgave me and welcomed me back with open hearts and open hooves, asking nothing in return except that I open myself to them as they had me. I came here on a quest, a quest to find a source of forbidden power and prevent it from harming my subjects or the students of this school."

A light breeze swept through the classroom as the Princess stood, whipping about her hair and her sensible outerwear. Thunder crackled off in the distance. Trixie grumbled about the declining standards for quest companions in this day and age.

"Wallflower Blush," Luna continued, "I stand before you not to demand penance, but offer an opportunity. Soon, Trixie and I shall depart on a journey of unparalleled danger, upon which rests the fate of both of our worlds." She placed a hand on Wallflower's shoulder. "We would be honored if you would join us."

Wallflower gazed in awe at the regal, business-casual-bedecked Princess before her. "Yes... Yes, your Majesty, I will."

"Excellent," Luna replied, pulling her traveler's poncho over her shoulders. "Then we must make haste. We depart at once!"

"So Miss Cheerilee will let us leave with you?" Wallflower asked. She gestured at the front of the classroom where Cheerilee sat behind her desk.

Cheerilee bobbed her head to some inaudible music emanating from her earbuds. She gave no indication she'd noticed any of the conversation, attention still fully focused on her streaming digital entertainment.

"Leave that to the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie quickly rummaged through her bag, producing a handful of small dark spheres. Before either Luna or Wallflower could say anything, she'd linked arms with both. "Smokebomb!"

*BAMF*

The trio doubled over coughing. Acrid smoke suddenly filled the air around them, stinging their lungs. Luna glanced around as the Trixie-induced smoke cleared. They were now standing in the hallway just outside their prison. Wallflower retched.

"Oh, please." Trixie snorted. "It wasn't that bad. Trixie does it all the time!"

No sooner had Luna and Wallflower realized they had been freed from the clutches of the detention coordinator than they heard muffled thumps from the other side of the library door.

"TRIXIE!" Cheerile screamed as she stumbled around, attempting to clear the choking smoke cloud and find her charges. "You get back here THIS INSTANT, YOU HEAR ME!?"

Trixie turned to Luna. "You said you can unlock doors. Can you also un-unlock them?"

Luna nodded. "Yes," she replied as she closed her eyes in concentration. A pale blue glow surrounded her. Motes of energy danced across her body, coalescing around her right hand. She squeezed the hand into a fist, then opened her palm. Glowing magic pulsed from her hand as she gently took hold of the doorknob.

Then, she squeezed. The knob groaned as pins warped and bent under the Night Princess's crushing magical grip.

Trixie raised a dubious eyebrow.

"What?" Luna asked. "Spells are difficult in this world, and the door is locked... for a certian loose definition of 'locked.'"

*WHAM WHAM WHAM* "YOU THREE OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT THIS SECOND!"

"For now, at least. We should make haste." Luna and Trixie started down the hallway. Luna, noticing Wallflower hadn't followed, stopped and turned to address her befuddled friend.

"Buh... whah... you said you were a Princess! Couldn't we just leave? Why did you have to do that!?"

Luna sighed. "I am a Princess, but I'm afraid my title doesn't carry much weight in this world. Full disclosure, I am currently not on the best of terms with your ruler Vice Principal Luna, and may in fact be a wanted felon. Hence why I was incarcerated in this dungeon with you."

"Detention," Trixie corrected.

"Yes, the detention dungeon. We should leave, Wallflower, for they will surely attempt to recapture us."

"Skipping detention is punishable by in-school suspension," Trixie added helpfully. "School policy."

"But... but... I DON'T WANT AN IN-SCHOOL SUSPENSION!!"

"Then we must hurry, for there will surely be others arriving soon." Luna and Trixie took off running once again. Wallflower followed, mostly out of fear. "Once we save this school and also the very fabric of reality across multiple universes, I'm sure they shall be most forgiving of our transgressions. That's the first rule of being a Princess, after all! Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission!" Luna neglected to mention to her cohorts exactly where this pearl of wisdom had landed her in the past as the three dashed down the corridor and out of sight.

More thumps and coughing echoed from inside the library as Cheerilee fanned out the last of the smokescreen and found her way back to her desk. She picked up the phone and dialed out to elsewhere in the building. "Hey, Will? Yep, it's me. Listen, I need a favor. Got a few students trying to play hookey over here. Yeah, Lulamoon again, plus the Memory Stone girl and the one from the other world. No, no need to mention it to Luna yet, just find them before they leave the grounds. Okay, thanks a mil dude!"

Click.

Author's Note

Great, now the arrogant wizard and the introvert ninja are gonna want some sidequests done before Luna can defeat the Reapers or whatever the whole point to this story was. Something about a parking lot? That doesn't sound right.

Your Principal is in Another Castle

"Quickly! The Vice Principal's forces will be upon us at any moment!"

"Trixie is fleeing as fast as she can!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The three women bolted through the twisting labyrinthine corridors of Canterlot High. Turn after turn, they rushed past rows of identical lockers, classrooms, and water fountains. Luna desperately searched for anything familiar, perhaps the grand entrance hall or even the ancient map that led her to the Faculty Lot earlier in the night. Alas, nothing in this section of the school felt familiar to her. No matter which way they turned, they were greeted by long hallways lit with harsh white lights, scuffed linoleum floors, drab uniform rows of lockers. Luna skidded to a stop before a T-intersection decorated with the same tapestry displaying some sort of spring-themed mating ritual she'd seen plastered over half the school. She urgently glanced in both directions before turning back to her partners in adventure.

Wallflower doubled over, her breath coming in short ragged gasps. "Ah... I... ah..." She grimaced at the pain of half a dozen muscle cramps as she tried to recover. "Oh god... we're in so much trouble..."

"Please," Trixie snorted in disgust as she adjusted her rumpled hoodie. "Someone's clearly never escaped from detention before." She turned from Wallflower to Luna. "Speaking of, why are we stopped?"

"I..." Luna hesitated. "I'm afraid I'm lost. I don't recognize this part of the school. Do you?"

"Aaaahhhh..." Wallflower wheezed. "We're so dead... we're so dead! I've aaahhh I've never done anything like this before! Ahhhh oh god they're gonna catch us and we'll be suspended or expelled and my parents are gonna kick me out and I'll have to live on the streets!"

Luna cast a worried glance in Wallflower's direction, but Trixie paid her hyperventilating classmate no mind. "I don't actually know where we are either. Most students never venture into this wing of the school, even students as amazing as myself."

She pointed out a nearby classroom door with some sort of message painted across the frosted glass window. The ancient script read AP1445, the meaning of which eluded Luna. Whatever significance the markings held was not lost on Trixie, who narrowed her eyes in recognition.

"See here? This is AP territory. Nobody comes here unless they're in the Advanced Placement program."

"Interesting..." Luna mulled this new information over. "These 'AP' students sound dangerous, if the others fear them so."

"Oh, they're not dangerous," Trixie corrected her. "They're just nerds!"

"Nerds?"

"Yes! Do you not have nerds in Equestria?"

"I fear I may never fully understand your world," Luna shook her head as she muttered mostly to herself. "It's a mirror to my own, yet so different all at once..."

“You know, like, err... don’t you have a Twilight Sparkle over there?”

“Yes, I-oooooh.” Luna nodded. “I get it now. Can you lead us out of here, fair Trixie?”

“I mean, if you want I can wander around until we see an exit sign?” Trixie shrugged. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is a magician of many achievements, but a 4.0 GPA is not one of them.”

"I suppose we all have our faults," Luna offered Trixie a sympathetic nod, but found the magician had already moved on and was now practicing her smirk in the reflective glass of a nearby trophy case. Luna instead turned to Wallflower, who had made little headway in recovering her composure. She reached down to help support the winded girl. "Wallflower, are you alright?"

"I... I... I can't go to juvie!" Wallflower suddenly stood up and grappled Luna with the force of a thousand octopi. The Princess blinked in surprise at the terrified teenager's death grip on her smart business-casual outerwear. "Oh god we've broken so many rules like ALL THE RULES and after they gave me another chance I'M SO DEAD they're going to lock us up forever and I'LL NEVER MAKE IT ON THE INSIDE! I'M NOT TOUGH OR COOL OR SCARY LIKE YOU!! DO YOU KNOW THEY'LL DO TO ME IN JUVIE!?"

"N-no?" Luna managed to sputter in surprise.

"WELL I DON'T KNOW EITHER BECAUSE MY PARENTS WON'T LET ME WATCH ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK, BUT IT CAN'T BE GOOD!!"

Nobody said a word. For a moment, the trio standing underneath the bright fluorescent lighting of Canterlot High were frozen in time, two shocked at the outburst and the third two scared to do anything as her entire world collapsed into pieces around her except cling for dear life to the Princess.

Wallflower flinched as Luna calmly placed her hands over Wallflower's white-knuckled fists. She numbly released her death grip on the Princess's jacket at Luna's reassuring touch.

"I don't remember you being so loud," Trixie observed, utterly ruining the moment.

"Wallflower," Luna began, looking her directly in the eye. Wallflower blinked away her thousand-yard stare and met Luna's gaze. "I have asked the world of you to aid me on my quest, and you did so without hesitation. You knew there would be risks, yet you jumped at the chance to protect your home from unknowable evil. You're a good person, Wallflower. No matter what anypony says."

Wallflower nodded shakily, though she still couldn't seem to find her voice.

"Besides," Luna grinned, "I broke out of a prison on the moon once. Should we find ourselves incarcerated in this 'juvie,' I promise you our stay will be exceedingly short."

"Yeah! Plus there hasn't been a jail invented that can hold the Great and Powerful Trrrixie!"

Luna snorted, her 'serious inspirational speech' face cracking for a moment before returning to a mask of calm confidence. "You've shown you possess the spirit of a hero, Wallflower Blush. Volunteering to put others before yourself is no small feat of bravery. I only ask that you be brave for me a little while longer."

"I'll... I'll try, your Majesty." Wallflower nodded with more confidence this time.

"I have faith in you, child. I believe you may yet surprise yourself." Luna turned, setting her attention back onto the problem of the T-intersection. She began to speak, but paused in confusion as a tremor shook the corridor.

Thump.

"What was that?" Tixie shrugged. Wallflower's eyes bugged out but she held her composure.

Thump. Thump. Crash.

"Is that..."

Thump Thump Thump Thump WHAM CRASH.

Something extremely large was making its way towards the group. In a very violent manner, from the sound of things. "They've found us," Luna concluded, steeling herself for the battle yet to come.

"Hrmph!" Trixie scoffed. She removed her pointed hat with a twirl, then reached inside and pulled out a handful of smoke bombs and a black magic wand with white tips. "Trixie is not intimidated by property damage!"

Wallflower's breathing quickened again. Her heart felt as if it wanted to jump out of her chest and scamper away on its own. Nevertheless she steeled herself, raising her quivering arms into a fighting stance she'd seen in a kung fu movie once.

THUMP CRASH WHAM THUMP THUMP THUMP.

"We shall make our stand here, fellow adventurers!" Luna proclaimed. "I wish we could have escaped cleanly, but if we continue I fear we will only tire ourselves in a futile attempt to find our way through this labrynth. I say we strike back against the forces of the Vice Principal here and now!"

"Wait, what?" Wallflower asked in surprise. "The exit's right down that hallway and down the stairs!"

"WHAT?" Trixie exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell us sooner!?"

"Is that what you guys were talking about!? I was so winded I couldn't tell!"

"Ugh, dammit Wallflower..." Trixie sighed.

“I’m in AP Bio! Trixie, you go to this school too I assumed you knew where we were going!”

“TRIXIE HAS MANY TALENTS BESIDES ACADEMIC APTITUDE!”

WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP CRASH!

Double doors behind them slammed open with enough force to crack the walls as a mountain of a man burst through. The enraged new arrival resembled less a teacher and more a giant muscle wrapped in a CHS Athletics polo shirt. He spotted the trio of adventurers and let loose with a barrel-chested roar.

"COACH IRON WILL DOESN'T APPROVE OF DETENTION TRUANCY! FOR WHEN YOU COMMIT THE CRIME, THEN YOU MUST DO THE TIME!!"

The color drained from the trio's faces. Wallflower gulped audibly. "S-so, be brave, right!?"

"That was when I thought we were lost!" Luna exclaimed. "Bravery later! For now, we RUN!"

They took off down the corridor in the blink of an eye, sprinting for the stairs Wallflower had pointed out. The ground quaked beneath them as Coach Will gave chase.

"COME BACK HERE! IF YOU RUN AWAY, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!"

Luna reached the stairwell first, dashing down the stairs three at a time then turning back to wait for her compatriots. Trixie bolted down followed by Wallflower, whose meager stamina had been bolstered by sheer terror. "That way!" Wallflower wheezed. "Through the gymnasium!" Trixie and Wallflower shot through the gym doors, with Luna now bringing up the rear and Iron Will thundering after her. She slammed the doors shut behind her, then closed her eyes and concentrated with all her might. Thaumic energy flared to life around her as she gently floated off the floor. Her eyes flared a brilliant white as she opened them and she reached out her arm.

One of hundreds of folding assembly chairs stacked neatly in the corner beside the bleachers shook, twitched, then lifted into the air on an aura of indigo. Luna slowly guided it over to the entrance with her magic, lowering it to the floor and wedging it firmly in place just under the door handles. Trixie and Wallflower stared at the display of magic.

"Whoa..."

"Eh, Trixie's seen greater!"

Luna gently lowered herself back to the floor. "There!" She exclaimed. "That should buy us enough time to--"

WHAM

Both doors flew off their hinges at the impact, launching the chair straight into the back of Luna's head. The diarch of Equestria and Soverign Ruler of the Night flopped forward like a sack of potatoes as bits of concrete and doorframe exploded into the gymnasium around her.

"Coach Iron Will questions your attentiveness during your physics class if you thought that would stop him!" Coach Will strode through the dust, his massive arms swinging alongside pectorals broad enough to use as a landing strip for light aircraft. He had the look of a man who'd destroyed more than his fair share of doorways in his lifetime. "It's over, girls. You two are in enough trouble without you getting involved with this Equestrian nonsense. Just come with me back to detention and I'll convince Cheerilee to forget this ever happened."

"What do we do!?" Wallflower whispered to Trixie as the gargantuan football coach strode towards them.

"We can still make it to the exit!" Trixie hissed back.

"What!? We can't leave the Princess!"

"She knew the risks!"

"She's the only one who knows what we're supposed to be doing when we escape!"

"Oh, right." Trixie had to concede that point. Neither of them had asked for specifics before signing up for the Princess's adventure. “Very well, then! It once again falls to Trixie to save the day!”

Trixie turned to Coach Will and assumed a fencer’s stance, squaring herself off and putting her right foot forward. She raised her arm, twirling her wand with a flourish.

“Abracabondage!”

*BAMF*

A cloud of smoke enveloped the menacing coach where he stood. It slowly cleared out as Trixie and Wallflower fanned the air around them, revealing a furious Coach Will hogtied from head to toe with ropes and leather straps. He growled incoherently at Trixie through a red rubber ball gag strapped tightly over his mouth.

“Yes!” Trixie jumped in excitement. “Trixie’s been waiting for a chance to try this one ever since I found that spell book in my parents’ bedroom closet!”

Trixie and Wallflower rushed to Luna’s side as she stirred. The fallen Princess mumbled to herself as they pulled the chair off of her. “Mmh... no, Sister! Not the pancakes!” She blinked groggily as two pairs of arms lifted her to her feet. “I... what? I’m okay! I’m okay, I think. Did either of you get the license plate of the chariot that hit me?”

Neither Trixie nor Wallflower knew quite how to respond to that, so they opted instead to help a shaky Luna to her feet. The Princess shook her head in a vain attempt to clear the throbbing pain in her head. "Thank you both," she replied woozily.

Trixie beamed. "It was nothing! All in a day's work for the Grea--" A sudden snap cut her off. Three heads turned towards the tied-up Coach Will. Bulging muscles strained against their bindings, pushing the ropes taut as they struggled to hold the massive coach. He let out a guttural growl and began to rise from the gym floor as more ropes snapped and fell away from him.

"Oh no..." Wallflower whispered to herself.

"Impossible!" Trixie cried. "The spell said those bonds can only be broken by a magical safe word!"

"We need to leave, now!" Luna pointed at the exterior double doors. "There, we can make our escape through there! RUN!"

Trixie and Wallflower dashed for the exit. As Luna moved to follow them, a sudden yank around her neck brought her crashing to the floor once again. She clawed at the taut poncho constricting her airway as a gargantuan shadow slowly blotted out the lights above her.

"NOTHING CAN CONTAIN COACH IRON WILL'S INCREDIBLE FLEX!!" A fuming Coach Will lifted Luna into the air by the hem of her poncho, bringing her up to meet his furious glare. Luna struggled and kicked futilely as she felt the pressure on her airway increase. "I know your kind. You come gallivanting through the portal thinking this school is all sunshine and roses and epic tales of heroism, and you drag our students into whatever scheme you've got going. You distract them from what's important and push them into your magical fantasy crap! Well, Coach Iron Will doesn't appreciate pushers in his gym!!"

Across the gym, Trixie and Wallflower gasped in fear from where they stood near the exit. Neither could bring themselves to leave the Princess, but what could they do to help? They couldn't fight a teacher! They stood transfixed as Luna writhed in Coach Will's grasp.

With a grunt and a twist, Luna managed to get the poncho up and over her chin. She dropped to the floor and rolled away as the fearsome coach swiped at empty air. Luna quickly rose to her feet and brought her fists up. Coach Will looked down at the tiny woman squaring off against him in confusion.

"Coach Iron Will admires your assertiveness, but warns you that this will not go well for you!!" He casually tossed Luna's empty poncho aside, cracking his neck and bringing up his own massive forearms into a fighting stance as he strode towards her. "Last chance, come back to detention before you get hurt! Unlike those two you're not a real student, so if you won't play the game then I'LL ADMINISTER THE PAIN!!"

Coach Will pulled back a fist the size of a cinder block. Luna stood her ground. Wallflower held her breath, unable to look away from the end.

Coach Will swung.

Wallflower closed her eyes tightly, waiting for the meaty smack of what would surely be a knockout blow to their fearless leader. It never came. Curious, she peeked.

The Princess held Coach Will's outstretched fist in her open palms, having caught his punch and stopped it dead inches from her face. Her eyes glowed with alicorn strength as she smirked at the shocked gym teacher. "You're quite the brute, Coach Will. Stronger than most anypony from my home, I think. Tell me, how much would you say you lift? Because my exercise routine includes about, oh, eighty quintillion tons every evening."

Luna yanked Coach Will's arm forward, pulling him down and past her. She pulled herself around him as he lumbered forward, leaped onto his upper back, and drove the off-balance coach into the floor with his own momentum. Coach Will roared and struck out blindly at her, but she deftly slipped away as he rose to his feet once again.

Coach Will growled and charged at Luna. The Princess sidestepped his first strike, then deflected a followup cross with a magically enhanced block. She spun and delivered a powerful kick to the coach's chest, knocking him back a few feet. The massive teacher grunted before leaping back into the fray. The two soon devolved into a flurry of swings, kicks, blocks, and grapples. Luna was fast and nimble, weaving around Coach Will's attacks and using his own size and weight against him whenever he overbalanced himself. She'd strike quickly and shadowdance out of range or call upon the innate earth pony magic all alicorns possessed to deflect or parry the coach's counters. Coach Will, for his part, had no intention of going down easy. Anytime Luna grappled him to the floor he quickly muscled his way free and while he couldn't match Luna for speed, the sheer power behind his swings were enough to put her on the defensive.

Trixie and Wallflower watched the battle in awe. "Is Trixie the only one that finds this oddly arousing?"

"I-what!?" Wallflower gasped, flustered. "Do you even--that's our teacher and a Princess--this is hardly the time to be talking about stuff like that!!"

"I'm not hearing a no-oo!"

As Wallflower tried her best to hide her blush from Trixie, the fight began to slowly turn in Coach Will's favor. Luna's strikes, magically strong as they were, simply didn't have the weight behind them to give the coach pause for more than a moment. As they sparred, the toll Luna placed on her new body began to make itself known. She had no hope of pinning her larger opponent, and his swings kept coming closer and closer. He stormed in again with a piledriver of a punch. Luna deflected the jab, then shifted back and ducked low to dodge his followup hook.

Stars exploded in front of Luna's eyes as all the air was forcibly expelled from her lungs by a vicious surprise uppercut to her sternum. The force of the punch carried her up, up off her feet and sent her sailing in a lazy arc across the gymnasium. The Princess's impromptu flight ended with a crash into a storage bin packed with dodgeball equipment, sending red rubber balls bouncing across the gym.

Trixie and Wallfower gasped. "We have to do something!" Wallflower exclaimed with barely restrained panic.

"Trixie has an idea! Stand right here and don't move!"

Trixie bounded towards the girls' locker room and disappeared inside over Wallflower's frenzied objections. Iron Will looked around the room, not noticing anyone else besides himself and the twice-fallen Princess. He started towards the bin where his foe had landed.

"While he previously regretted giving you an opening on two separate occasions, Coach Iron Will is nothing if not merciful!" The coach bellowed. "This is your last chance, give up now and this can all be forgotten!"

*BAMF*

Trixie appeared behind Wallflower in a burst of acrid smoke. Gone as her usual hat, hoodie, and skirt, she'd changed into a bright red athletic top with the midriff torn off and shorts rolled up enough to reveal far more leg than normally allowed by school policy. As a finishing touch on her new ensemble, she twirled a gymnastics baton with a red streamer affixed to the end.

Wallflower coughed. "TRIXIE!" She yelped in surprise. "Warn me next time!"

"Didn't exactly have time to change the old-school way," Trixie stated matter-of-factly. "Remember, don't move. Just get ready to duck when the time comes!"

"What?"

"Oh, Coach Wi-ill!" Trixie shouted. "Can I get your opinion on something? Does this outfit go against CHS dress codes?"

Coach Will's head snapped around. "Wha-middy tee? Short shorts? RED!? LULAMOON! YOU KNOW ATHLETIC WEAR CAN ONLY BE THREE INCHES ABOVE THE KNEE MAXIMUM!"

The enraged teacher started towards Trixie, his slow gait breaking into a a jog, then a run. The blood drained from Wallflower's face as she realized she was directly between him and Trixie. She let out a soft squeak and sunk to the floor, curling into the fetal position. Trixie narrowed her eyes as she waved the bright red streamer, intent on keeping Coach Will's focus entirely on her.

Coach Will roared as he pushed himself into a full-on charge. "IT'S SCHOOL POLICYYYYYYYY!!!!"

As he thundered by a prone Wallflower, his foot caught the tip of her shoe. He stumbled, yelping in surprise. As he bore down upon Trixie, she dropped the baton vanished in a puff of smoke. He barreled straight through the cloud and impacted into the gym wall with a tremendous crash.

Wallflower squeaked in shock as someone grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to her feet. "Come on!" Trixie shouted, once again garbed in her usual clothes and hat.

The smoke cleared, revealing a crumbling Coach Will-shaped indent in the wall. The coach himself stumbled away from his crash, shaking the dust of pulverized concrete from his head and shoulders. He squinted, trying to focus through the haze. "Grr... ugh... sorry, Blush. Didn't see you there. Rrgh... girls, that's enough roughhousing for one day, I think... I still, oof, I still need to take you back to--"

A bright red rubber ball bounced off his head. He looked up in surprise.

Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria, Shepherd of the Moon and Sovereign Ruler of the Night rose out of the bin where she'd fallen and into the air, thaumic energy rippling off her. She raised her arms, enveloping a dozen more dodgeballs in her azure magic and lifting them into the air with her. Her magic flared with a blazing light as she thrust her arms forward and sent her magic missiles pelting towards Coach Will.

Coach Will covered his face with his burly forearms before a dozen rubber balls harmlessly bounced off him. "Really?" He asked. "Dodgeballs? Coach Iron Will admires your spunk, Princess, but you can't possibly think that--is that a medicine ball!?"

WHAM

The round weight crashed into Coach Will's midsection, sending him hurtling into the wall once again. As bricks and dust rained around him, he groaned and pulled the heavy ball off himself but did not try to get up, instead opting to remain inside the caved-in section of wall until the world stopped spinning around him.

"Come," Luna motioned as she floated down to the floor, magic winking out. "He won't stay down forever."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I did not do any permanent damage," Luna replied. "...though a medical examination would not be the worst idea."

"I can't believe you used me as bait," Wallflower grumped to Trixie as the trio made for the exit.

"I used myself as bait," Trixie corrected her as they ran out the double doors and into the blustery night. Lightning flashed in the distance. "Trixie's showmanship provided the misdirection so you could trip Coach Will unnoticed!"

"You still could've told me."

"Eh," Trixie shrugged. "Where to, Princess? The Faculty Lot?"

"No..." Luna trailed off in thought. "As our narrow escape proves, driving head-on to our objective would be futile. We could barely hold our own against one of the Vice-Principal's enforcers, and she will be expecting us to head for the Lot. No, we need an advantage. We need information. Trixie, Wallflower," she turned to the two students. "Do you know anyone who might know my counterpart personally? Someone she might confide in about the power she so zealously guards?"

"Gossip, eh? Trixie's beginning to like this adventure!" Trixie exclaimed. "Can't really think of anyone, though."

"Neither can I," Wallflower shrugged. "Vice-Principal Luna isn't... well, she's not the warmest teacher at CHS."

"Shesajerkshesajerk just say she's a jerk," Trixie rolled her eyes.

"No!" Wallflower exclaimed in shock. "Well... maybe just a little? She doesn't really socialize much. What about Principal Celestia?"

"Perhaps, but if she's anything like my own sister she would view assisting us as a betrayal of her own kin." Luna shook her head. "Besides, we crossed paths this afternoon and she warned me against, well, essentially everything we have done tonight."

"Wait! Wallflower, what about that teacher from Crystal Prep?"

"Principal Cinch? Why would she help us?" Wallflower raised an eyebrow. "Besides, I heard she got fired."

"No, the other one! Pink and purple hair, beauty that almost matches that of Trixie?"

"Oooh right, her! I don't remember her name, though..."

"I don't either, but I know someone who does!" Trixie pulled out her phone and opened her group messaging app. "Well, someone who knows someone who does."

Wallflower fished out her own phone. "I should call Nurse Redheart, let her know about the coach. I'll leave out the details!" She rolled her eyes as Trixie suddenly affixed her with a pointed stare. "Just cause I've never had detention before doesn't mean I wanna get caught!"

“It is decided, then!” Luna exclaimed. “We leave at once! We shall journey to this ‘Crystal Prep’ and find the teacher who will lead us to the dark secrets of the Faculty Lot! Wallflower, Trixie, I will not lie to you. The journey may be long and arduous, and even if we do return we will have to push through sheer exhaustion and summon up every bit of wit, every bit of cunning we have to defeat the Vice-Principal and her minions! It will require strength and fortitude beyond that of ordinary ponies, but the both of you have shown me that you are far from ordinary and if we stand together, I believe that we can...” she trailed off. Both Trixie and Wallflower had forgotten their phones and were staring at her with a mix of confusion and bemusement. “What? Was it something I said?”

“Well...” Wallflower began, “Crystal Prep really isn’t that far from here. It’s in the Crystal City neighborhood of Arlington, like, right over the river.”

“...Oh...” Luna found herself at a loss for words. While she knew intellectually that an easier journey would be a good thing for the group, everything suddenly seemed less... grand, somehow.

“We could take the metro, it’s only two stops past the Pentagon.” Trixie suggested to the group.

Wallflower squinted at the map Trixie had brought up on her phone. “Huh, the station is all the way up on Eighth, though. Maybe a bus? Next one’s in twenty minutes.”

“Or Trixie could order an Uber?”

“Sure, let’s just do that. I’ll get the return trip! Princess?” Wallflower turned to a downcast Luna. “Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt your speech!”

“‘Tis alright, Wallflower,” Luna dismissed the concern.

“Did you... did you want to finish it? It um, it seemed really good!”

"No, no that's alright," Luna shook her head. “Hardly seems necessary anymore,” she replied, barely able to conceal her disappointment.

"We should get moving then, Trixie had the Uber meet us on the next block over! You know, cause of all the 'crimes' we did or whatever." Trixie brushed off the concern as she and Wallflower started down the sidewalk. Luna followed, shaken by the turn of events. Shaken, yet resolute in her determination to see her journey through no matter what hardships she encountered along the way, no matter how blasé and uneventful the trip to Crystal Prep would be, I mean really, a rideshare carriage? What are we, Manehattan commuters? I bet Twilight Sparkle never had to take a taxi to battle those demonic Sirens!

"Princess? C'mon, our ride's almost here!"

"Oh! Yes, of course!" Luna ran to catch up with her two companions, dashing off into the night as the storm in the distance drew ever closer.

CanterChat Group SMS Client v3.4.12

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:35PM): Hey Sunset whats up?

EQGrrrrrl (5:37PM): Hi Trix! Nm just got back from fencing practice like 30m ago
EQGrrrrrl (5:37PM): Had to walk home cant ride my bike w this ⛈ 😕

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:38PM): True, ugh its 💩 out
Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:38PM): Btw do u remember that crystal prep teacher who was at the friendship games?
Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:39PM): The nice one not Cinch. Tall, has like a purple/pink/yellow thing goin on, not as pretty as Trixie

EQGrrrrrl (5:41PM): Oh thats dean Cadance!
EQGrrrrrl (5:41PM): Well principal now I guess.
EQGrrrrrl (5:41PM): Twi says Shining Armor and her r dating

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:44PM): Thanks!

EQGrrrrrl (5:46PM): Np are you over at crystal prep or something?

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:47PM): Will be
Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:47PM): Wait r Twilight and u together?

EQGrrrrrl (5:48PM): What!? Its not like that we're just friends! We arent like together or anything! Ugh STUPID chs rumor mill AGAIN I hate this bs 😡😡😡
EQGrrrrrl (5:49PM): Who told you that?
EQGrrrrrl (5:50PM): Trixie?
EQGrrrrrl (5:52PM): U there?

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:55PM): 😳
Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:55PM): Trixie meant like is she over your apt right now

EQGrrrrrl (5:56PM): Oh. B[EXPLETIVE]k
EQGrrrrrl (5:56PM): Yes she is
EQGrrrrrl (5:58PM): Trix we're friends now rt? So we can do that thing that friends do where we pretend the last couple txts never happened?

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (5:59PM): Can u ask her if Cadance is at her office? Gotta talk to her like rtn

EQGrrrrrl (6:00PM): Hangon
EQGrrrrrl (6:02PM): Twi says she'll prob be there for another hr
EQGrrrrrl (6:03PM): Why whats going on?

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (6:07PM): Its nbd Trixie will tell u ab it on monday
Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (6:07PM): Have fun with Twilight 😉👉👌💦

EQGrrrrrl (6:08PM): Im never living that down am I

Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (6:08PM): Nopee
Gr8_AnD_PoW3RfL (6:08PM): Remember to use protection if you do magic together 😏

EQGrrrrrl (6:09PM): UGH

Author's Note

And so the plot charges forward like some sort of enraged man-bull football coach, smashing obstacles like 'continuity' and 'canon' to tiny little bits.

Maybe two more chapters depending on how long the Crystal Prep sidequest takes? If Cadance isn't in a mood for our heroes' foolishness I might be able to get it down to one.

Anyone who guesses the real-life city I headcannon Canterlot on top of wins a prize!
Editor's note: The prize is metaphorical. There is not actually a prize.