Twilight sparkle's Love Lessons

by jakkid166

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle, Anthro, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Self Insert, Sex, Profanity, Princess Celestia
Length: 6121

Twilight sparkle is a pony who is kinda like a human but still kinda like a pony, so she's whatever those are called. Where shes shaped like a human but she still a lot like a pony. Shes also a virgin and she does sex stuff.

Twilight sparkle the ponuman (that's a cross between a pony and a human) is bored in her life so she decides to sex everyone in the world except for most of them. But in THIS world, sex is a thing that some people do, so she's gonna do that I hope.

See, it's because she doesn't know how to sex good, so she learns how to do it through the power of fucking sex. Fuck good sex and she become good at sex like you say. She will fuck EVERYONE!

Published 2018-02-21 07:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-07 01:02:21 UTC

Twilight sexarkle

Twilight sparkle opened the door to her house and walked outside in the sunlight. She was purple because she was born that way, and also because her favorite color is purple. She stretched her arms in the light of the sun in the sky, but then she realized something bad.

She was NAKED!

"Oh no, my boobs are out where people can see them if they have eyes!" said Twilight, and she covered herself and ran inside.

"Wow Twilight you idiot, did you forgot to put on your clothes wears before you go outside today?" said Spike.

"Yes," said Twilight, who had her boob out, they both had nipples on them and one of the nipples had a hair sticking out a little bit.

"Wow Twilight your boobs are so big," said Spike. "Can I touch them?"

"No spike I will not sex you, because you are underage. That's gross and weird." said Twilight and she put her clothes on and went outside instead of inside.

"Okay, what should i do today?" said Twilight who was not naked. She had clothes on. "Well I'm hungry and not fat so I'm gonna go to AppleJack's farm and eat apples." She said and she walked really sexily to Apple's farm which had apples at it.

"Hi Applejack," said Twilight Sparkle.

"Hi Twilight, can you help me fuck some apples?"

"Wat you say!"

"I mean buck some apples from the tree."

"Oh okay, sure Applejack," she said and Twilight kicked the tree and apples fell down, but the apples went on her clothes and pulled them down off her and she was NAKED again.

"Oh no," said Twilight.

"Wowdy there Partner thats abig boobs," said Applejack. "Mine's not as big though," and she showed her boobs but they were smaller and also not as big.

"But Applejack," blushed Twilight, "We're both girls we cant do naught things!"

"Thats where you're wrong partner," said Applejack, and she ripped her pants off revealing her Gigantic Dong.

"Oh my Celestigod it's so big," said Twilight. "Are you sure it can fit into my nipples?"

"Twilight you don't fuck the nipples haven't you had sex before?" said Applejack whose cock dong was growing by the hour.

"No I haven't, I'm a virgin, which means I haven't had sex before." said Twilight who was ashamed because she was a virgin which means she wasn't ever had sex.

"Well don't worry pardner, I'll teach you how to fuck like a sex," said Applejack and she went to Twilight and her wang was really big.

"Oh no," said Twilight. "But where do I put it?"

"You have to put it in your vaganiga," said Applejack who was squishing Twilight's boobs in her face.

"Oh, ok." said Twilight and she put Appledong in her girl hole and Apple fuck her good.

"OH OH MY GOSH!" said Twilight "Thats amazing it feel so Goood oOoOoOoOoOoOo oh BABY oh MAMA" and she was panting hard and the sweat was like lube.

"YEEHAW PARTNER" screamed applejack as her dong wang penis shot white hot juice everywhere on herself and Twilight and on Big Macintosh who was also there.

"Wow that was fun Applejack," said Twilight. "Thank you for teaching me to do a good sex."

"No problem pardner," said Applejack. "Now suck my dick."

"No thanks." said Twilight "I've gotta go sex more people now that I know how to do it."

_ LATER _

Twilight went to the bar and there was lots of people there, and also I was there.

"Hey detective jakkid166, you want to fuck me?" said Twilight.

"No thanks," said me. "Detective jakkid166 don't do that shit, I'm gonna stay a virgin forever so i can be a good example to my kids when I have them."

"Well okay, do you know anyone who I can do a sex with?"

"I dont fuckin know uhhhh go fuck Celestia."

"BUT!" said Twilight "I can't do that shes the princesses don't sex!"

"Okay then, go fuck Pinkie Pie. She doesn't have a dick."

"OK."

So Twilight went to the wherever Pinkie Pie lives and she went inside instead of outside.

"HI Twilight what are you doin'?" said Pinkie

"Pinkie Pie, we need to sex right now." said Twilight and she pulled her clothes open and she was boobs.

"Damn right," said me.

"What you say!" said Pinkie. "But I'm a virgin, I don't know how to sex!"

"Dont worry I'll teach you," said Twilight seductively and she put a sexily smile on her face and went to Pinkie and put her boob in her face.

"Wow this is good boob!" said Twilight.

"Hows about we go to the bed.... in your bedroom........ upstairs................" said Twilight.

"Ok." said Pinkie and they went upstais in the bed and got naked, and Twilight started doing stuff to Pinkie. It's too gross to say though, but it has tounges and varginas in it. Twilight rub her boob all over Pinkies boobs and they rub their crotch areas together.

"Wow Pinkie you're teaching me so much about sex!" said Twilight "You must be really experienced, how many guys you fuck every day?"

"At least 3!" said Pinkie "But theres that one guy Detective Jakkid166 I wanna sex so bad but he won't let me."

"I know, right?" said Twilight and she have a CUMGASM all over the bed.

"Dang," said Pinkie. "That's good fucking." And they put their clothes on.

Twilight took out a cigarette and smoked it. "Yes fucking it was, now I know how to sex both man and woman! This begins my journey to sex everyone I see."

Just then Rainbow Dash crash through the window, but cause the window is glass there was glass shards everywhere and they got stuck in rainbow and she was bleeding all over.

"Sup guys how it goin?" said Rainbow "Why does it smell like fucking in here?"

"Because we was fucking." said Twilight

"Wow thats hot." said Dash. "You got room for one more right?"

"HELL YEAH." said Pinkie.

Twilight does it good

Twilight walked out of the house place after having a good butt time with Pinkie and Dash.

"Wow that was a good sex, it's a good thing you didnt see it," said Twilight as she was walking down the street and ponies was staring at her because of how sexy she was. She knew she was sexy and she new it so she walked so sexily down the road all the guy and girl poneys made a load in their pants even if they weren't gay.

"Yeah well I'm bisexual so I can fuck both sex," said Twilight as she knocked on Fluttershys door because she was at her house now. Fluttershy opened it then turned the knob.

"Hey Flutteyshy," said Twilight who was squishing her own boob tits. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." said Fluttershy. Twilight walked into the house and noticed how biggantic Fluttershy's breast was.

"Wow Flut, you have such big boobs," said Twilight. "Want to see mine?"

"Ok," said Flut and she ripped her shit off and her boobs were there. "Wow those are big too."

"Yea they are," said Twilight "I made them big because I was born that way. Now we have to become sexuals."

"But Twilight I'm not a lesbian" said Fluttershy.

"Oh okay." said Twilight and she left and was disappointed.

"Fuck me I just want to fuck someone." said Twilight "But who can I do the sexy wexy dicky sticky with?"

"I can help with that." said Discord who was there now.

"What do you mean?" said Twilight.

"I can help with that." said Discord.

"How?" said Twilight.

"By helping you" said Discord.

"Okay." said Twilight and then Twilight went to Discords house and they had big sex.

"Help I don't know how to write a sex scene with Discord." said Twilight.

"Good point I dont even know if I have a dick" said Discord "Okay well I have an idea how about you go fuck yourself."

"Wow that's rude," said Twilight.

"No like go fuck yourself literally make a magic of yourself then fuck it," said Discord.

"Wow amazing idea" said Twilight and she went back home and looked in her fuck books for a magic sex yourself spell.

"Hey Spike send a letter to Twilight" said Twilight.

"Ok said spike." said Spike and he did that and sent the letter to Celestia like she said.

"Aha I found it!" said Twilight and she opened the book and there was the spell and in it was a picture of Twilight but there was also two Twilights which means there were two of her (in the book not in the real life).

So Twilight did the spell and then there was two of her (in the real life not in the book.)

"Wow my own clone," said Twilight "Are you ready to sex."

And then Twilight and clone Twilight fucked each other so much that they had sex.

"Wow this is so fun," said Twilight and she grabbed a book and used it as a dildo and also she has boobs.

And then clone Twilight used her magic to make herself have a big magic penis and she fucke Twilight's place with it and she liked it a little.

Finally the two stopped having sex because they were tired and they was already both orgasmed like 15 times and also because Spike was there the whole time watching and he had no idea what the fuck was going on.

"What the fuck is going on" said Spike.

"Dont worry about it its just adult Dancing." said Twilight and she made her clone disappear and she was still naked so she used the magic to make herself new clothes and she wasnt naked anymore.

But then Celestia crashed through the window and punched Twilight in the face and yelled in her ears "Twilight I got your letter it means we have to have sex right now!"

"Fuck" said Twilight and then they did that (but i wont show it to u guys because its too expilcit for this story)

And then after they did THAT then Luna crashed in and she said the same thing and then THEY fucked big.

And THEN finally Twilight was so tired from all the fucking that she went to sleep bed.

After she got up in the morning she woke up and got breakfast which was toast and breakfast. After she drank her coffee she looked out the window and for some reason the sun was on fire but she didn't care because she was too happy to be having lots of sex. But then someone knock on the door.

Twilight opened the door and standing there was ME, Detective Jakkid166.

"Oh hello Detective Jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world what are you doing here?" said Twilight.

"I'm here to warn you about the PROPHECY" said me "Can I come in?"

"Only if you fuck me sex." said Twilight.

"Goddammit Twilight okay fine ill do that if you insist." said me and I came in but then the ground SHOOK BIGLY.

"Oh fuck its too late, the prophecy is happening!" I shouted.

"What is it?" said Twilight.

"The prophecy says you have to fuck everyone in town or else the world will end from meteor strikes."

"Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, why does me sex stop meteors?"

"I dont fuckin know the science of how it works, it doesent even fucking make sense you ass but just do it. But it doesent include me, I'm the only one who you dont have to sex."

"How do you even know this?"

"Because its the PROPHECY!" said me "And Im a detective I know things you don't."

"Okay fine." said Twilight. "Also I want coffee."

"Me too," said me "Detective Jakkid166 drinks coffee."

After we did that I lookd out the window and there was still meteors falling in some places but not a lot but it was still happening which was bad.

"Okay Twilight now you have to gofuck everyone else," I said because I was drinking coffee.

"Okay, it is time," said Twilight and she left to go do that.

World is ending?

Twilight ran out her house and there was meteors falling in places but not a lot so it wasnt that bad. She was gone have to fuck a lotta ponies, which meant she was gonna have sex with them but she had to do it fast. Fast is not slow.

"I cant not believe this," said Twilight who was wearing clothes. "I like to create sex but how can I possibly do the boogie woogie with everyone in town?"

And than Twilight got an idea. It was so sexy the idea that she creamed her boobis. She had to use MAGIC! But she didn't have any sexy sex book books on sex in her house so she decide she have to go to the ONE place she was gonna go to: Canterlot Lirbary.

Twiloght got on tha train and went to Canterlotius but it was night time now so the sun was now turned into the moon. Twilight went to the castle and went to the library and look for books on Sex Magic magic spells.

"Hm where is it," said Twilight but then she was all like "WOAH" cause she saw the book: It was called "Sex Book" and it had magic in it. She opend the book and looked at it for a long time.

"Wow that didnt fuckin help at all," said Twilight. "Oh wait maybe I need to actually read the book." and she opened the book and read it for a long time.

Twilight suddenly got a mag idea from the book so she went and jumped off canterlot and landed in Ponyville.

She saw Rainbow Dash flying through the air so she threw a rock at her and it hit her in the head and she fell onto the ground.

"Rainbow I need your help!" said Twilight "I need to make a spell for to freeze time so I can fuck everyone in Ponyville. But I need your Sonic Rainbow Boom for it to work!"

"Shit okay," said Rainbow and she followed Twilight to her basement where she make sex potions and stuff.

"Okay now I got all the ingredients" said Twilight "Now I need you to do the boom."

"Okay," said Rainbow and she flied in circles really fast in Twilight's basement so fast that she made a sonic rainboom happen and it was really loud and give Twilight permanent ear damage.

"Cool thanks rainbow" said Twilight and she grabbed the sonic rainboom and put it in the potion and the potion was complete.

Twilight went outside and poured the potion on the ground to freeze time, but when she did it a big RUMBLE happened in the earth and instead of time freezing it EXPLODED and knocked Twilight onto Rainbow Dash and they accidentally had sex.

"Oops, sorry," said Twilight and she wiped off her clothes and looked where the potion EXPLODED and instead of frozen time there was a PERSON THERE!

It was LARD TIREK

"Oh shit Tirek what are you doing here youre supposed to be in the place we put you in!" said Twilight "Rainbow we gotta beat him!"

But Triek sucked the potion magic out of the ground and used it to become SUPER strong and he went around punching Ponies in the face and they started crying because it hurt a lot.

"DAMMIT" said Twilight "What are we gonna do now?"

"Don't worry," said me the detective jakkid166 who is in this story "We can beat him, but we need a mystical agent artifact that we have to travel across Equestria for."

"Oh okay where is it?"

"I don't know we gotta find it."

"Ok lets go then!"

"So Twilight and Rainbow and me went to Twilights house to read books about where the artifact might be." I said.

Twilight looked at the books "What is the artifact called jakkid?"

"Its called the Gem of Ultimate Power, long ago I found it in Steven Universe world but I banished it to here because i couldent let it fall into the wrong hands. And since ponies don't have hands this was a better place for it."

"Oh okay" said Twilight who grabbed a book from the shelf with her hand and opened it. "Oh shit youre right, here it is!"

Me and Rainbow and Twilight and also Fluttershy and Rarity and Pinkie Pie who were also there all looked at the book. "Wow thats a pretty gem" said Rarity. "It looks tasty."

"You cant eat it," said me, "We need it to beat Tirek. But first we gotta go FIND IT!"

"But where is it?" said Rainbow.

"The book says it is like 100 miles away deep inside the deep evil forest. Not the everfree forest, but the other one."

"Oh okay." said Twilight. "Lets GO!"

And so me and Twilight and friends went to go FIND THE GEM!

To be CONTINUED

Walking is hard

I jumped out the window of Twilights house and landed on my skateboard (this isnt canon to detective jakkid166 go equestria now) and I said To Twilight "Are you ready to rock?"

Twilight said yes.

"Yes" said Twilight.

"Okay good," said Rainbow "We gotta have Detective with us or we will never find the gem."

"Dont worry," said me "I have a gem finding radar that Phoenix Wright gave to me. We will find it in no time"

And then tirek came over and broke the radar.

"Aw shit" said me. "Okay well lets go to the forest but start walking because its really far away. Cant we fly a plane or something?"

"Planes dont exist in Equestria" said Twilight.

"Oh right."

~ LATER TIME ~

Twilight and me and also the others had walked a lot of time and we had gone ten miles. My legs were tired because I only have two of them and my shoes were faling apart because I stepped on a lot of lava. Which is cause we were at a volcano. We were walking over a bridge in tha middle of the volcano and it was really old and burny, and it was over a lot of lava and stuff so if one of us fall in we would died and that would make me angry.

"Ok guys dont fall," I said as I was leading the group across the bitch bridge. I stepped really carefully on a plank but it BROKE but it wasnt my fault because I was careful but I fell through and landed on a rock in the middle of the lava.

"SHIT" I louded at the ponies. "Help me UP!"

"Oh fuck," said Twilight "Dont worry jakkid I'll help you!" and she used her magic to levitate me back on the bridge but the weight was too much for all of us to be on the bridge and it BROKE!

"OH SHIT" said bridge but Twilight use an anti-gravity spell and the bridge fell UP instead of down and the bridge swunged around and flung us off the volcano and we fell all the way off to the ground.

"Ow," said me "It s agood thing we landed on flowers," I said cause we landed in flowers and that broke our fall. "Okay where do we go next"

"Well the bridge flung us 5 miles so we only have 75 left to go."

"Ok good im hungry," said me and we kept walking.

After ten more miles we got to a TOWN called Appaloosa. It was a cowboy town with horsecowboys and was real westyrn and somon was playing "Free Bird" on the radio.

"Fuck I love this song" said me and I jam out air guitar

"HEY" said rainbow and she scared me so much I threw my air guitar in the air and it landed on Rainbows head and knocked her unconsus.

"Shit sorry," said me "Ok someone take her to a hospital Im gonna go drink beer."

So I went to the bar and sat at it and there was a pony sitting there next to me and her name was

"Whats your name" I said at the pony.

"My name Pant Pan."

her name was Pant Pan.

"Thats a name," I said "What bring you to this part of the world"

"To find the GEM OF ULTIMATE POWER"

"Oh cool thats what I'm doing too you wanna come with?"

"Yeah okay" said the pony whose name I didnt know yet and she drank her bear and folowed me outside.

"HEY GUYS WE HAVE ANEW PERSON TO HELP US FIND IT!" I shouted at Twilight in her face.

'Oh cool okay lets all go there." said Twilight and we left the town.

After 10 more miles we stoped at a town called Manehattan and it was big and city.

"Wow this is a cool city." I said and I went into an alley and got mugged by some guy and come back out.

"Wait SHIT I GOT MUGGED!" I shouted and I chased after the guy because he stole my money and my gun and my money gun.

"STOP IN THE NAME OF THA LAAAAAW" I shouted at the guy and he did stop but it was in the name of CRIME so I still couldnt catch him.

"FUCK" I shotued "What do you want from me"

"I want your money" said the guy "Give it to me."

"Fine" said me "Wait you already took my money can I have some so I can give it to you"

"Fine" said the guy and he gave me some money but what he DIDNT KNOW is that he gave me my MONEY GUN

AHA" I shouted and I shot money at him with the money gun and he got buried in money and I grabbed my money back from him and ran away. I climbed to the top of the skyscraper and jumped off and landed next to Twilight.

"Hey Twilight I got my money back." said me.

"Cool Jakkid also did you see theres a new movie in the theater today? Its about how you solved the case of that time you got mugged in Manehattan."

"Oh sweet cool" I said and we went to see the movie.

TO BE CONTINUED

The murder on the train

Twilight and everyone and me and also everyone else and me all walked outta the theater and I was eating popcorn because I bought some to snack on while we are on our adventure.

"Ok guys I spent all my money on the popcorn which means we have to pay for everything with popcorn now" I said and we kept going on our adventure.

"We have to get to the GEM fast or else it will we won't get there in time!" said Twilight. "What will we do?"

"Simple" said me and we went to a train station. "We can go on a train."

"Wow thats a good idea Detective Jakkid166," said Rainbow and we all got on the train to take us closer to the place we were going at.

"Holy crap the train is fuckeing faster," said me who was on the train. "Hey Pant Pan why do you even want the gem of ultimate power?"

"Because I'm actually Lord Tirek in disguise," she said.

"Oh ok"

_ LATER TIME _

"Okay its time to blow up the train" said the lord tirek henchman guy who was on the train but he was in a different car from us so we didnt see him. He went to the front of the train where the conduktor was and he knocked the conductor out and throwed him in the train furnace (but he turned it off first so he wouldnt get hurt) and he put a bomb inside the furnace too. Then he ran outta the train front and BLEW IT UP and the front of the train blew up and all the fire from the explosion made the train go really fast so it went off the rails.

"HAHA now Detective Jackid166 and the Twilight ponies will die from traincrashed bones and brains! And Lord Tirek can get the gem and rule Pony Land forever." and he went back to the train car we were all sitting in and sat down.

"Hi whats your name?" I said to him.

"My name is Lord Tirek's Henchman" said the guy.

"Wait a minute," I said at him. "Why are you black"

"UHHHH Im the janitor I got covered in dirt."

"But wait," I shouted and I started to use my ACE DETECTIVE SKILLS "You camed from the direction of the front of the train where it just blowed up cause I heard it with my super detective hearing. And you have smokes coming off of you and also you look evil. This must mean you are LORD TIREK'S HENCHMAN!"

"FUCK" Shouted the guy and he did a backflip and landed behinde Twilgiht and take out a knife and took her hostages. "NOBODY MOVE OR ILL SHOOT HER"

"You cant shoot people with knives," I said.

"Then I'll STAB HER"

"OH SHIT NO" I shouted "Ok you son of the bitch What is your demands?"

"You all die when the train crashes."

"When is it crashing though?"

"RIGHT NOW!"

And the train went off the rails and started driving on the street instead which is bad cause there was cars and stuff and it was hard to steer around them.

"Fuck the train is out of control!" I shouted but the train hit a bump and it made the guy drop his knife and so I punched him in the face and did a flip kick in his face and he got kncocked out and he fell on his own knife and he died.

"Oh shit," I said "I didnt want to kill him. Shit"

"Tetective you dont have time to worrybout that you gotta save the train!" Shouted Rarity and also Rainbow in my face.

"Damn youre right." I said and I ran to the front of the train and grabbed the train's steering wheel. "Okay let's do this."

And I drove the train down the street a bunch and I was avoiding all the cars and I drifted around a corner and stuff.

"Sweet now we can just drive the train all the way to the forest," I said.

"Watch out Jakkid youre gonna hit that CAR" said Twilight.

"Wait WHAT" I shouted and I hit someones car but it was shaped like a ramp so instead it made me go all the way in the air SUPER HIGH and we went far away

"AAAAAAAAGH" I agggghed while everyone else was freaking out cause the train was flying through the air.

But then the train hit the GROUND and crashed and all the cars came apart from each other and they all went into tha forest and knocke over a bunch of trees and stuff.

"Dammit," I said cause I bonked my head on the steering wheel cause the train had no airbags because it was a train. But everyone else was fine cause they was wearing their seatbelts. Remember kids wear your seatbelts if you in a car or train or else youll die.

"Alright well we are here in the forest of deep and evil stuff," I said at everyone.

"Dammit" said Lord Tirek's Henchman's Ghost "I was the only one who was died?!? This bad shit" He said and he left to go do other stuff.

"Well guys it looks like we're almost there," said me to Twilight and friends. We all nodded at each other a bunch of times and we got outta the train.

"Now," I said pulling out my map "I think the gem is deep inside this forest. We gotta find it now. Can we do it yes we can. LETS GO"

"Wait" said Pant Pan "Can I see that map for a second boy"

"Yeah sure," I said and I gave it to him.

"HAHAHAHA" SCREAMED Pant Pan and she EXPLODED and she was actually LORD TIREK.

"What the FUCK" shouted me really loudish "Pant Pan was LORD TIREK? HOW COULDE ANYONE HAVE KNOWN THIS?"

"Thats because I use my ass magic to make you fall for my disguise" said Lord Tirek "Now I can get the GEM and RULE THE WORLD!" and he ran into the forest.

"AFTER HIM!" I shouted and me and everyone else ran after him.

TO BE CONTINUED

Final fuckdown

"AFTER HIM!" I scrouted

The all of us ran after Lord Tirek cause we didnt want him to get the Gem of Ultimate Power before us cause that would suck.

"Guys he's too many faster than us, we've gotta do a plan to get to him faster" I shouted.

"But HOOOOW?" said Rainbow.

"Hmmmmm" I thought for a long time "Wait SHUT THE FUCK UP RAINBOW I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"My idea is we make Twilight think of an idea."

"What the fuck okay" said Twilight "Let me think."

"What thinking is a SHIT IDEA" said me. "Twilight just use your MAGIC!"

"Oh right okay." said Twilight and she did a magical and then we appeared telerpoted in FRONT of lord Tirek.

"Oh shit" said Tirek ""Fuck, I forgot magic existed. Well now we will all have to FIGHT YOU!"

"But what if I use the gun" I said and I pulle out my gun and shot Tirek in the face but the bullets bounce off cause he was really angry. "Oh never mind." But then one of the bullets fell on my foot and it made me get shot in the foot and it hurt a lot. "OWWWW!" I said cause I was jumping around and grabbing my foot

"Haha you fucked dick. Now give me the gem" said Tirek

"Fine" said me and I opened me suit and gave him the hem of ultimate power.

"What the fuck?" said Applejack "You had the gem with you?"

"Yes I'm did I'm sorry I lied to you all, but I couldnt let anyone know the real gem location or else Lord Tirek might find it. But it doesnt matter now because he still found it anyway."

"HAHAHA" said Tirek and he used the gem of ultimate power to make himself SUPER BIG he was so big that all of us couould even fit in his ear if we was able to get up that high.

"Well shit" said Twilight "Now we all gonna die cause he haves the gem. Great jakkid I hope you fuckin"

"WAIT" I shoute at everyone "I have an idea. It just might work."

I went up to Lord Tirek and shouted "LOOOOOOOOORD TIREK"

"What the fuck do you want" said Tirek.

"I challeng you... to a RAP BATTLE"

"No" said Tirek and he left to go destroy things.

"What the fuck that worked last time I swear" said me.

"Well what now?" said Twilight.

"Ive GOT IT!" said me "We gotta send a letter to Princess Celestia so she can come here and fought Tirek up."

"Oh okay." said Twilight and she got out a pen and pepper "its a good thing I brought one piece of paper from home. Dear Princes Celestia, Lord Tirek is back right now and you gotta come kill him. Also he has the gem. From Twilight" And then she gave the letter to me. "Wait but we dont have spike here to send it"

"Dont worry I got this" and I used my lighter I had in my pocket to set the letter on fire and it burned up. "Now we just gotta wait for Celestia."

"NO YOU IDIIOT" said Twilight "you have to use MAGIC to send it!"

"Oh" said me "I shouldve used my magic lighter then. Oh well I guess we can fight him still if we WORK TOGETHER!"

So we went to Ponyville but it was already got all destroyed up and shit. Also there was still meteors fighting. "OH DAMN I forgote about the meteors!" I said. "Twilight you gotta go fuck people!"

"Oh right" said Twilight and she went to go do that.

"But wheres lord Tirek" I said.

""I don't know" said Rainbow "Oh wait There he is." And she pointed under us and we were standing on Lord Tirek's back.

"Oh shit we mustve walked onto him accidentally. Okay this is our chase to use the element... of SURPRISE"

But when I said that real loud Lord Tirek heard us and turned round. "Oh Hi Detective Jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world what are you doing here?" he said.

"Never mind that" I said "Lets ATTACK!"

And we all FOUGHT lord Tirek a lot. I used my gun to shoot at him a few times but it didnt really do anything but Rainbow dash went into his nose and started picking his nose and he got really grossed out by it. And also Fluttershy poked him in the eyes and Rarity made him wear a dress and it was realy embarrassing.

"FUCK!" said Tirek "YOU GUYS ARE MEAN" And he smacked us away and Rarity got knocke onto a tree and hit her head on it and died a lot.

"oh NOOOOOO!" I shouted "RARITY IS DEAD!"

And there was a moment of silence for Rarity and we all was sad about it for a little bit.

"LORD TIREK WE WILL AVENGE THE RARITY'S DYING!" I shouted and I pointe my gun at him and fired but it didnt work cause I was out of bullets. "oh shit"

"HAHA" said Torek "Any last words Jakkid?"

But then a METEOR came out of the sky and fell on Tirek's head! "OWW!" said Tirek. "Fuck that hurt" and then ANOTHER fell on his head.

"Oh MAN!" I shouted "The SEX METEORS! Theyre falling all over Tirek because hes so big!"

And the meteors were falling on him and it was hurting him a lot and he was getting beaten.

"AWW YEAH" I said and I high fived rainbow dash but then something happened

"Oh no the sex meteors are stopping!" I said and Tirek was getting his power back. "How could this happening?"

And then I remembered "OH NO TWILIGHT MUST BE FUCKING SOMEONE! Everyone stay here I gotta go find her."

"Okay ill just stay here" said them.

So I ran through town dodging meteors and mailboxes and stuff and ponies but I couldnt find Twilight anywhere. I grabbe a random pony and scream in her face "WHERE IS TWILIGHT SPARKLE?" and even point my gun at them but they got scared and ran away for some reason.

"Shit" I said "Wait I hear something" And I used my super detective hearing to locate Twilight Sparkle's PLEASURE MOANS

"Aha I've found you" I said "Its always int he last place you look." I went into Twilight's house and went upstairs and she was in her bed fucking some guy.

"TWILIGHT YOU GOTTA STOP FUCKING RIGHT NOW!" I shouted at her face.

"What but we need to stop the meteors!" said Twilight.

"Not right now the meteors are falling on Lord Tirek and beating him a lot! You can keep fucking him after he's been beated"

"Oh okay." said Twilight "Don't worry I'll be back later" she said to the guy who was disappointed he was'nt having sex right now.

Me and Twilight ran back to the Tirek and he was crying because of the meteors falling on him. "OKAY OKAY ILL STOP BEING BAD JUST MAKE THE METEORS GO AWAY!" he said.

"Alright cool you can go back to fucking him" said me

"Alright cool." said Twilight and she went back to the guy and fucked him and the meteors stopped.

"Okay she stopped now give me the gem," I said to Tirek.

"Fine" said Tirek and he gave me the gem and become normal Tirek again.

"Sweet" I said "Thanks bro. Now go back to prison."

"Fine" said Tirek and he did that.

"WE WON GUYS!" I screamededloud and we all cheered hip hip hooray for beating Tirek forever. "Sorry you got killed Rarity," I said to her.

"Its okay," said Rarity Ghost "I've gotta go home now to make dinner for Sweety Belle though." and she went back to her house.

"Well then" I said "How shoulde we celebrate beating Tirek?"

"We should all fuck you Jakkid," said Pinkie Pie.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO" i said and i arrested them all.

the end