Today is the day.
Today is the day you’re finally going to ask that cute librarian at the Ponyville library out on a date.
You stayed up all night worrying about how it’s gonna go down. You didn’t get any sleep… but it will all be worth it if Twilight agrees to go out with you.
You walk into the library, deciding initially to play the role of a simple Ponyvillian looking for a book.
“Hey, welcome to Ponyville library.”
You look down at the source of the half-hearted, bored sounding greeting. It’s a baby dragon.
“Hey” you reply. “Is Twilight here?”
“Uh, yeah, she’s upstairs. I’m watching the library for her” Spike informs you.
“Oh. Okay” you say.
You decide to spend some time browsing the shelves of the library and looking at a few books until Twilight comes downstairs.
After a few minutes, you hear hoofsteps on the stairs. You turn around and see Twilight Sparkle walking down the stairs. You almost decide to drop your plan and run home right there when you notice how beautiful she is. Her purple coat, her gorgeously combed mane… how could she ever want to date you? What were you thinking?
You turn to leave the library and go home. This whole thing was a bad idea, you decide.
“Hey, didn’t you find the book you were looking for?” you hear a mare’s voice.
You turn slowly to face Twilight. “Um. No. It’s okay, though. I’m leaving” you reply.
“What book were you looking for? I can help you find it” Twilight tells you.
“Uhh. Okay, I wasn’t looking for a book. I came here to ask you if you wanted to go out with me, because you’rethemostbeautifulmareI’veevermetbutI’mstupidforevenaskingso I’mjustgoingtoleavenowgoodbye” you say quickly.
She stares at you for a moment. You want to punch yourself in the face for embarrassing yourself like that.
“Wait, seriously? You came here to ask me to go on a date with you?” she inquires.
“Yeah,” you reply, “but if you don’t want to it’s fine. Of course you don’t want to. I-I’m just gonna leave n-“
Your self-loathing rant is cut off when Twilight starts hopping around the room.
“YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!”
You stare at her in bewilderment.
“I always wanted someone to ask me on a date!” she replies enthusiastically. “Rarity always takes out these romance stories from the library, and sometimes I read them when she returns them to see what they’re about. This is a perfect opportunity for me to see if there’s any correlation between fiction and reality!”
You’re not sure how you feel about her dating you purely for the purposes of scientific study. Then again, she still said she wanted to go on a date with you, which is what you came here for in the first place.
HOURS LATER
The date has been a total success! It turned out you had much more in common with Twilight than you ever thought, and after talking to her for just a few hours it feels like you’ve known her forever.
“So…” you nervously suggest. “How about… uh… we go to your bedroom, and, uh.. have sex?” you manage to force the words out.
She narrows her eyes for a moment, and you feel like you’re being analyzed. “Hmm... Okay, I guess." You're surprised she agreed so quickly, but hey.
You follow her upstairs into her bedroom. There’s a candle lit over a letter on a table. The letter has the royal seal of Celestia on it. There's a bookshelf next to the table filled with all kinds of very important and precious books.
You and Twilight lay on the bed.
“What position are we using?” Twilight asks. You’re surprised at how… forward? she’s being, but you’re not complaining.
Twilight lays down on her back, facing upwards. You grab her forelegs and prepare to slip your penis into her vagina.
Then suddenly, you feel strangely warm and everything goes black.
The next thing you hear is Twilight calling your name and you feel her shaking you.
“Wake up.” she says very sternly. “Now.”
“Ugh. What happened?” you ask.
“You feel asleep. Right there. Right before you entered me.” Twilight’s tone of voice is something between bored and annoyed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get any sleep last night…” you mutter.
She sighs in exasperation. “Are we trying again?”
She asks again. “I said, are we trying again?”
...
She shakes you awake again.
“Oh god, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry” you say. “I’m really tired. I’m really sorry.”
She looks at you with the most “you are pathetic” expression you’ve ever seen. “Go get some coffee, then come back” she instructs.
You get up off the bed and somehow manage to knock the candle on the bedside table over. It incinerates the letter to Celestia. The flames leap to the nearby bookshelf and reduce most of the books to cinders.
"OH GOD NO!" you scream. You scramble to save the remaining books from the inferno. The fire is unstoppable, burning through everything in it's path on the bookshelf. You see a picture of a purple filly, who seems to be a young Twilight, being nuzzled by Princess Celestia. It's a cute photograph. It melts under the flames.
You rush to the fire extinguisher at the other side of the room.
There is a case on the bookshelf labelled "Friendship Reports". The flames come into contact with it and all the contents go up in smoke.
You frantically spray the fire extinguisher at the flames. You are successful in dulling the flames, although any books that the fire didn't touch are now ruined by the fire extinguisher foam.
The fire's reign of destruction is over. You stare at the ashen cinders of Twilight's books. You look back to Twilight. She is staring in wide-eyed disbelief at the scene of destruction before her.
“Oh god. Oh wow. I literally did not mean to do that at all” you say. “It’s kind of funny, though, isn’t it? Kind of… Twilight?”
Twilight stares at you. Her eye twitches.
“Get out of my house, please.”
“Oh come on!” you reply. "I was tired! It's not like I assbutted your candle on purpose!"
“Get. Out. Now.” she demands.
You sulk out of the bedroom and open the door to find Spike standing there, laughing at you.
"Hahaha! Wow! You... WOW." Spike squeals out before collapsing to the ground in a fit of laughter at your expense.
