Sunset Shimmer vs Schadenfreude

by Daemon McRae

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Adventure, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 20763

In preparing for the Fall Formal as Chairman of its planning committee, Sunset Shimmer meets her greatest opponent yet: Schadenfreude. Her co-chairman.

Sunset Shimmer doesn't ask for much. She has great friends, a good life, good grades, and has even made peace with her mentor, Princess Celestia. Everything else, she works. for, and she's happy to do it. Including the forgiveness of her fellow students.

Deciding that the best way to make up for her mistakes with the student body, especially those of the last Fall Formal, is to take this year's Formal into her own hands, she applies for the position as Chairman of the Planning Committee. Unfortunately, it seems that some of the teachers haven't forgiven her, either. So they decide that, if she truly wishes to make up for her mistakes, she must do so by working with a member of the student council, it's Sergeant at Arms, as co-Chairman.

Which is me. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Schadenfreude.

And this is how the world ends.

Published 2018-02-24 20:10:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-19 18:55:34 UTC

In this corner...!

Author's Note

Oh, this is HAPPENING.

In this corner...!

Early Fall in previous years at Canterlot High had been rather miserable. It had been less than a year since Sunset Shimmer had turned her personality on her heels, and still not everyone had forgiven her trespasses. Almost exactly a year ago, she had been making everyone’s lives miserable, blackmailing teachers and students alike, and generally being the kind of supervillain she would now go out of her way to defeat and reform. All of the previous school years had seen the weeks leading up to the Fall Formal as a generally miserable affair, with only a slight bit of relief from the tension last year, as the students of CHS had, at that time, decided to rally behind and put their hopes in Twilight Sparkle.

This year, though, was different. It was going to BE different. Sunset wasn’t going to allow her past to ruin her future anymore. So when she saw posters for the Fall Formal planning committee go up, she was the first to drop her name in the hat for chairman. She wanted, no, needed this chance at redemption. A way to truly prove she’d put her mean streak behind her, by putting everyone else’s wants and needs about the Formal first. She’d listen to every suggestion, plan meticulously, and do whatever it takes to make sure everyone had a good time.

At least, that was the plan. “Everything alright, Sunset?” a familiar voice asked. Sunset raised her head from the cafeteria table to which she had grown kind of attached, a dour expression clouding her features. Seeing the owner of the voice, Twilight Sparkle, approach the table with the rest of the Rainbooms, she scooted over to allow room for everyone to sit down.

“I don’t know, Twilight. I mean, I know some people are never going to fully forgive me for being such a horrible person to them in the past, but is it too much to ask for the opportunity to apologize?” Sunset groaned, resisting the urge to drop her forehead on the table again. Seeing the confused and concerned expressions aimed her way, she elaborated, “I’m running for Chairman of the Fall Formal planning committee.”

She paused as her friends flinched openly at the statement. She expected it was a mix of two rather potent emotions: sympathy for the situation she was putting herself in, and disgust at the position of Chairman. Nobody wanted to be chairman. It was a thankless, grueling job, where you did nothing but listen to privileged teenagers and out-of-touch teachers about what they think the formal should be. You basically gave away two weeks of your free time to do thankless work for minimal reward. She saw it as the perfect penance for her transgressions.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, my dear?” Rarity asked. She settled her tray down gently, still considering her friend with trepidation. “I mean, no offense, but you don’t exactly have a great track record with the Formal. Not to mention how awful that job is. Are you sure you don’t want to just… sit this one out?”

Sunset shook her head firmly. “No. I need to do this, Rarity. That whole thing with Wallflower last year taught me that there’s still a whole bunch of people at this school that haven’t forgiven me. I need to show them that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove I’m not the horrible person that ruined their lives before I had to get literally shot out of the air by rainbow lasers just to learn my lesson. If I can pull this off, make this a Fall Formal people actually want to go to, and have fun at, with no crazy magic or evil monster girls trying to terrorize the students...” she trailed off, deep in thought. Her friends considered her thoughtfully as they waited for her to finish. “If I can do that, on my own time, of my own volition, with no one pushing me, maybe the rest of them will finally see that I am, truly, sorry.”

Applejack nodded her approval, taking a healthy bite out of her sandwich. With a loud swallow, she said, “Well, I think it’s mighty admirable, Sunset. Goodness knows I wouldn’t want to do that job all by mahself.”

Shimmer rolled her eyes. “That’s the thing. Apparently, Miss Harshwhinny has decided I don’t get to be the Fall Formal Chairman all by myself. She wants me to work with one of the members of the Student Council.”

“So what’s the big deal?” Rainbow asked. “It’s not like our Student Council is like one of those weird anime groups where they all have, like, super powers, and an agenda to rule the world or something. Heck, our Student Council President is Moondancer. Freakin’ Moondancer. The only person on campus who could possibly give Twilight a run for her nerd money. What’s so wrong about working with her?”

A groan escaped Sunset’s throat as she threw her head back against the booth. “I wish it was Moondancer.”

Fluttershy leaned forward slightly, the movement catching Sunset’s eye. “Well,” the quiet girl started, “Isn’t the Vice-President on the soccer team? Fleet Foot? She seemed… nice.” ‘Shy added with a small smile.

“Yeah, she’s great,” Sunset agreed. “But she’s busy training for the big game the same weekend against Crystal Prep.”

Rainbow nodded furiously. “Yeah, and we’re gonna kick their asses this year!” She made eye contact with Sunset, who wore an expression that said, rather loudly, ‘Not the time’. Rainbow coughed. “Ok, yeah. So she’s busy. That leaves, what. The Treasurer and Secretary? Octavia and Sunflower are like, the two nicest people in school. Besides, you know, us,” she added with a self-congratulating smirk. “So what’s the deal?”

Sunset thought about that answer, and took a deep breath. “You guys are forgetting someone. We also have a Sergeant at Arms,” she drolled.

Pinkie tilted her head. “What’s that?”

Twilight was quick to answer. “They’re responsible for keeping order during meetings, collecting ballots, delivering fliers, and general gruntwork. It’s not exactly a thankful job. Hell, Sunset, if you wanted to apologize to the whole school, you could just have applied for that position.”

“And therein lies the problem, Twilight,” grumbled Shimmer. “Someone already has that job and he’s-”

“SUPER awful excited to be working with you, new best buddy!” said a grating, slightly effeminate male voice from over her shoulder.

The group looked up as one at the newcomer, and most of them cringed almost painfully. Standing just over Sunset’s shoulder was a boy of about sixteen, with rather long, brown hair, a ruffled button-down blue shirt and jeans, and skin in patches of brown and white. He smiled widely, amicably, but had enough sense to stand just outside of arm’s reach of his new ‘friend’.

Sunset didn’t even turn all the way around. She just tilted her head till she could see enough of the guy to address him properly. “Hello, Schadenfreude.”

In the Other Corner...!

Author's Note

The response to the return of this little bugger has been overwhelming. Thank you so much for your support!

In the Other Corner...!

Schadenfreude pulled up a chair, unbidden, to join the girls at their table. Everyone except Sunset and Twilight made a point to scoot away from him, even though there was almost no room to do so. “Oh come on,” he drawled. “I’m not that bad. Maybe. Possibly. Most of the time.”

Twilight, having had little to no exposure to the boy, regarded her friend’s reaction, measuring it against the newcomer’s presence. “Um, hello? I’m Twilight Sparkle,” she said uneasily, trying to gauge the situation. “And you are?”

Schaden sat up in his chair properly, with an almost arrow straightness, and smiled. Something about that smile made Twilight’s back teeth grind. “Pleasure to finally meet you properly, Twilight,” he said, his lightly effeminate tones belaying a certain, mischievous demeanor. “My name is Schadenfreude. Schadenfreude von Douchehorse.”

Sunset rolled her eyes as Twilight did a double- and triple- take. “Don’t ask, Twilight,” she groaned. “Look, Schaden, we need to talk.”

He nodded encouragingly. “I agree wholeheartedly. Hence why I’m here.”

“What, you couldn’t like, wait until we were all somewhere else to talk to Sunset?” Rainbow groaned.

“And risk her just blowing me off for when the conversation was more convenient for her? We’d never say a word to each other,” Freude reasoned.

Sunset mentally cursed his insight, as that was kind of the whole plan. She knew, however, that it was easier to just rip off the bandage and talk now rather than later, to avoid giving Schaden time to plan… whatever it was he was planning. “So,” she grunted, rather more gruffly than she had intended. “Let’s get this straight. I’m actually taking this job seriously, Schaden. I know that might seem like a foreign concept to you, but-”

“Not at all,” Schaden interjected.

Applejack gave him a flat stare. “Oh really? Since when do you know the value of a hard day’s work, huh?”

The challenge rolled off Schadenfreude’s back like water. “Oh, please. Do you really think I could stay the Sergeant-at-Arms for more than a week if I didn’t know how to reel it in and knuckle down on occasion?”\ Besides, I have a part-time job, I know a thing or two about responsibility.”

Sunset Shimmer barely restrained a laugh. “A job. Really? Who do you work for?”

Surprisingly, Rarity answered for him. “His father, as it happens. Their… office is only a few shops down from the outlet I work at in the mall. What they actually do, I couldn’t tell you.”

Schaden grinned. “My dad’s a tax attorney. I’m his secretary.”

“Because of-freaking-course you are,” Sunset drawled. “Alright, fine. You have some sense of… responsibility, as you call it. I call it not being a total ass twenty-four seven, but tomato tomahto.”

Twilight balked at Sunset’s uncharacteristic language, but otherwise the mood around the table was the same-disagreeable. “So, um… you’re on the Planning Committee for the Fall Formal, then?” Sparkle asked, hoping to gear the conversation somewhere constructive.

The boy turned his attention back to Twilight, smiling, well, at least genuinely. There was still something about his expression that hinted at a sense of ne’er-do-well, but she couldn’t quite place it, and she had learned not to judge a book by its cover since coming to this school. “I am,” he said excitedly. “And we’ve had a ton of suggestions about what to do with it already!”

Sunset’s eyes widened. “Wha-how?!” she yelped. “We just got the jobs yesterday afternoon! The formal isn’t for weeks!”

“I set up a Suggestion Box Tweeter account. We’ve been getting messages all of last night and this morning!” In what might have been a genuine attempt to ease the obvious pain on Sunset’s face, he added, “Don’t worry, I’ve already filtered through most of them. You’d be surprised how many of them were just straight up rude comments or threats! Apparently saving the world just doesn’t mean as much to some people anymore,” he sighed, raising his hands in exasperation. “Of course, a good portion of them were at me, as well, so there’s that.”

“Is there a point to this, by chance, Schaden?” Sunset groaned. “Like, a specific reason you came over here right now to bother me, as opposed to, I don’t know, literally any other form of communication available to you?!”

“Considering almost all of you have me blocked on almost every social media sight and cellular whitelist, I didn’t have that many options. And besides, no one opens letters I write them anymore,” he said, in obviously mock dismay.

Rarity glared dagers at him. “That’s because you have a disturbing obsession with glitter bombs.”

Schaden chuckled. “Yeah, I do. Speaking of which, no one go near Trixie’s locker this afternoon. I owe her for setting off a smoke bomb in science class to try and ditch homework. The sprinkler system almost completely destroyed my science experiment.”

Twilight’s eyes almost crossed at the blasphemy. “A… smoke bomb?! In a laboratory?!” she shrieked, and proceeded to hyperventilate.

“Oh great, now she’s having a panic attack,” Sunset groaned. “And… ok, thanks for the warning, I guess? But you still haven’t told me specifically what you’re here for.”

“True,” Schaden agreed.

“...and?”

“And what?”

Shimmer felt the rage in her building. “WHAT. DO YOU WANT.”

“Well, I would say a pony, but given present company-”

“SCHADEN!”

“Ok, ok!” he concede, holding up his arms in front of his face. “Jeez. I just wanted to ask if you had any after-school plans during the week. I thought setting up a regular meeting for the Committee might help.”

Sunset mulled the wuestion over. She had her part-time job, but she’d taken the position of Chairman, or rather, co-Chairman, knowing she’d need to sacrifice her free time. “I’ve got Tuesdays and Thursdays free after school. How about twice a week?”

“That sounds fantastic. I only really do work for my dad on the weekends, anyway,” he added, unbidden. “Well, I guess I’ll see you in a few hours!”

Sunset raised an eyebrow, until she figured that today was, in fact, Tuesday. “Great, can’t wait. Woo-hoo.”

Schaden smiled, waved politely, and left. At which point, Twilight turned to her friends. “Okay, what the hell was that all about?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow, then said, “Oh, right. I guess y’all haven’t been around long enough to know about ‘im. Schadenfreude’s kind of…”

“A total ass?” Rainbow offered.

“A crude, distasteful, annoying pedant?” Rarity chimed in.

“A total party pooper?” Pinkie added.

Sunset just sighed. “Yes. All of those, actually. Schaden has this bad habit of pushing people’s buttons like they’re emote controls. No, not like I did,” she added, when Twilight gave her a look. Sunset had long since explained most if not all of the terrible things she’d done, if only so she wasn’t caught off guard by some of the rather outrageous, if true, accusations occasionally slung at her friend. “He isn’t like, malicious or anything. He’s just one of those guys that likes watching people squirm in annoyance. You know the type: likes to whistle ‘It’s a Small World’ in crowded rooms; takes the pegs off of those cheap plastic chairs we have here so that they don’t balance properly; thinks glitter bombs are an acceptable form of communication.”

“Likes to grease the dials on the lockers in the locker rooms,” Rainbow growled.

“Leaves only enough food in the buffet line dish for half o’ half a servin’,” Applejack lamented.

“Tapes motion-activated sound boxes that make duck noises to the inside of doorframes,” Rarity groaned.

“Ruins parties,” Pinkie Pie shimed in, having been rather quiet the entire time. So had Fluttershy, but that was a regular occurrence by now. It helped that she didn’t have much to say about Schaden, as he tended to leave her alone.

“Ruins Parties?” Twilight asked. “That sounds a little more drastic than practical jokes.”

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “Well, ok, he doesn’t do it on purpose, but there’s like, nobody that really likes him so when he shows up to a party everyone thinks he’s up to something and they all get moody and the party starts dying and then peopkle leave cause it’s not fun anymore and eventually everyone’s gone and it’s only seven o’clock and you still have like a thousand pounds of food left and a bajillion gallons of punch and know you have to clean up and the rest of the night is a total bust and-” she kept going in the background as Twilight just turned to Sunset again.

“So how is this guy a Sergeant-at-Arms? I mean, he seemed ok enough… but that sounds awfully like the kind of thing you get detention for, and I think that kind of disqualifies you,” Sparkle mused.

Sunset shrugged wearily. “Oh, it’s not like he does that kind of thing all at once. He likes to pace it out. Matter of fact, he hasn’t really done that much this year. I mean besides booby-trapping Trixie’s locker,” she added, as Twilight opened her mouth to argue. “And most of his shenanagins are instigated. Most. Really the worst thing about him is his personality. I mean, he’s not exactly a jerk he’s just...”

“Moe grating than nails on a chalkboard? To the tune of ‘The Song That Never Ends’?” Rainbow groaned.

Rarity shook her head consolingly. “I can’t believe you have to work with him,” she said consolingly. “I’m so sorry.”

Sunset put on a brave smile. “Well, he’s not completely awful. Could be worse.”

At which point the cafeteria doors burst open, and a rather fabulously sparkly Trixie Lulamoon stormed into the room. “SCHADENFREUDE!”

“Although I can’t think of how,” she added.

Meeting of the Minds

Author's Note

Choo choo motherfucker get on this hype train.

Meeting of the Minds

Expecting the first committee meeting to go smoothly was a pipe dream at best. Sunset leaned against the door of the classroom they’d designated for meetings, building up the will to go in like she was charging an attack in some battle anime. She even thought about screaming a little, just to get it all out early. Her head bounced lightly on the door frame as the stress in her body fought for control, to which she said ‘Eat me’. She turned off her phone, took a deep breath, and walked in.

She had many different ideas of what awaited her, each of which more outrageous than the next. Images of fighting, swearing, crowded rooms filled to bursting with suggestions from the box (she knew it was a Tweeter account, yet her imagination had gotten the better of her), but the one she wasn’t counting on was the entire committee, all five members, quietly sitting around the clean, neat desk and diligently pouring over paperwork and discussing their ideas with a sense of civility.

She blinked a few times at the rather peaceful, efficient display in front of her, and took a mental inventory of her fellow committee members. The most prominent was Schadenfreude, sitting at the head of the two long tables they’d pushed together, side by side. There was an empty chair next to him, obviously meant for Sunset. On the right side were the Decorations Planner and the Financial ‘Officer’, best friends Lyra Heartstrings and Bon-Bon, respectively.. They chattered back and forth about… whatever it is those two liked to chat about, generally paying no mind to the rest of the room. They did look up and give a happy smile and wave when Sunset walked in the room, however.

The other side of the table, the closest to her empty chair, was where the Food Planner and Music Planner were sitting. Sunset was mildly surprised to see Pixel Pizzazz in the Music Planner’s chair, as Vinyl was typically the popular vote. Even Octavia had a rather fantastic ear for classical and jazz music, which some of the students seemed to appreciate. She was not surprised to see Pinkie Pie in the food planner’s chair, because keeping her away from any kind of party was a scientific impossibility. Pinkie’s seat was right next to her chair, which she took with some trepidation, mildly suspicious of the rather calm atmosphere, something of a rarity in Pinkie’s or Schaden’s presence. Many people had theories as to what would happen if you left them in a room for any length of time, but as far as she could tell the building wasn’t on fire yet.

“Ok...” she said cautiously as she sat down. “Is this everyone? There isn’t like, a Standing in Line Officer, as well?” There was some general chuckling at that, and a snort from Pinkie, who was sitting rather uncharacteristically still. She looked around at the other five people, and waited for a few seconds. “Alright, out with it. What happened?”

Pixel tilted her head with a raised eyebrow. “Uh, what do you mean? We’re literally sitting here waiting for you two to tell us what we’re doing.”

The corner of Schaden’s mouth twitched slightly, something the now hyper-alert Sunset didn’t miss. “Reel it in, Douchehorse. We haven’t even started yet.”

Schaden shrugged. “Sure. Whatever you say, Shimmy.” Before Sunset could respond to the unfavorable nickname, he turned his attention to Pizzazz. “I think she’s talking about the fact that someone thought it was a good idea to put me and Pinkie Pie in the same room together for any length of time with little to no supervision. And no, Lyra, you don’t count as supervision. That kind of went out the window when you two decided to compete to get onto the Friendship Games team.”

Heartstrings, who was about to protest, closed her mouth with a small pout. Bon-Bon patted her head.

Sunset just sighed and moved on. “Ok, we’ve only got like, an hour today, so let’s try to get somewhere, shall we? Have you guys talked about a theme at all?”

Lyra perked back up, pulling a single sheet of paper out of the folder directly in front of her. At least the table somewhat met Sunset’s expectations; it was a total mess of folders, flyers, loose papers, and snacks. She put her own binder carefully to the side, away from the pile, lest it get lost. Or eaten. Or Schadened on. “Well, Freude over here actually got something good out of that dumpster fire of a Tweeter account he set up. There were a lot of Twits about themes this year. A. LOT. Like almost a hundred individual themes. Most of them pretty garbage. But a few were repeated a few times, or generally supported. So I took a machete to the briar patch of bad ideas and found a couple decent ones. So I retwitted a list of the best ones in a poll, and the top three were: Equestrian Horror Story, cause it’s October, the Running of the Leaves, that old culture festival downtown, and someone brought up the dance that Crystal Prep had on that yacht last year, and suggested that maybe we have the dance, if not on the boat, then maybe at the Pier. I really liked that one.”

“That… actually sounds nice. Well done. Both of you,” she said somewhat begrudgingly, somewhat annoyed that Schaden’s obvious troll account actually yielded some positive results. “I think we should put a pin on the Pier idea, though, until we get an idea for the weather.”

“Actually,” Schaden interjected.

‘Oh here we go,’ Shimmer thought, resting her chin on her hand and turning her attention to her co-Chairman.

“There’s a couple of Inns and Hotels on the Pier, rather close to the water, and a few Community Centers. If I remember correctly, one of them has a rather open ballroom with a bay of windows that overlook the bay. We could give them a call and see how much they’d run us to rent it,” Freude explained.

“O-oh. Ok,” Sunset stammered, not ready for a legitimate answer. “That’s… certainly worth looking into. Lyra, why don’t you look up the number and call them as soon as you can?” Heartstrings nodded happily. “However, I don’t want to dismiss the other ideas. Can you and Bon-Bon cost out the decorations for each, plus space rentals if we decide to have it off-site? I suspect the Running of the Leaves might be the cheapest, but I don’t want it to feel like a cop-out.”

“Aye-aye, captain,” Bon-Bon punctuated with a brief salute.

Sunset turned to Pinkie Pie, who had been surprisingly quiet the entire time. “Ok, Pinks, what ideas do you have about food?”

A silence that shattered itself on the rocks like a sheet of glass the instant Sunset asked her a question. “Well I was thinking if we do the Horror Story thing that we could to like the Halloween food I did last year and we could have like Blood Orange punch and eyeball and brain cupcakes or do we want to do a single giant cake cause that might be easier to make and decorate and I’d have to do the entire thing the day off cause I don’t want the food to go stale so it really depends on what decorations we’re doing cause if we do running of the leaves you don’t want to do oranges and stuff cause those aren’t autumnal flavors really so we’d want to do more seasonal stuff like pumpkin or whatever like apples and I know Applejack would totally love to help with the baking if we do apple stuff but what if it’s at the Pier do we want to do like saltwater taffy and seafood but a lot of people have seafood allergies and that would really suck so maybe we just to a giant cake that looks like a fish and-”

“Pinkie,” Sunset interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“Breathe.”

Pinkie blinked. “Oh yeah. Uuuuuuaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! And if it looks like a fish we’re gonna need a really clever flavor cause fish-flavored cakes aren’t that great unless we do fishcakes OOH FISHCAKES those are super good they’re like cakes but fishy and you can do all kinds of stuff or we could do sushi sushi is super popular right now and there’s a bunch of stuff we could do for the people with allergies but I really think I should wait till we see what kind of decorations we’re doing so how about I get back to you on that?”

Sunset, well-versed in the art of letting Pinkie Pie get to the point, just nodded, while the other girls did their level best to let their brains catch up with their ears. “That sounds good. How about you do up some menus for each thing, and we’ll tell you which one to use when we know?”

“Okie doki!” Pinkie cheered.

“Also,” Shimmer added.

“Yeah-huh?”

“Why were you so quiet until I asked for your opinion just now?” Sunset asked.

“Oh! Schaden bet me a box of cronuts I couldn’t be quiet until you talked to me,” she explained.

Lyra nodded. “Yeah, he kinda made similar bets with all of us that we couldn’t, as he so eloquently put it, ‘Keep our happy asses in check till you got here’.”

Shimmer raised an extremely suspicious eyebrow at Schaden. “Did he now?”

“Hey, you’ve got actual superheroes on speed dial, some of which made it abundantly clear that this was an important thing you were doing, and I like my ribs in the order they were delivered, thanks,” he explained, somewhat defensively. “Man, being a dick was so much easier when people couldn’t, like, blow up your locker with a box of gummy bears.”

“Bag,” Pinkie corrected. “I buy gummy bears by the bag.”

Sunset sighed. “Pinkie, as much as I appreciate you using your powers for… I guess not-evil, please don’t threaten Student Council Members with exploding anything, please.”

Pinkie smiled agreeably. “Okie-doki!”

Finally, Shimmer turned to Pizzazz. “Ok, I have to ask, why ae you the Music Planner?”

Pixel just sighed and leaned back. “Because it gives me something to do besides being Photo’s lackey all night. Besides, I’m ok friends with Vinyl and Melody, so really I just kind of hie them as subordinates and make sure they aren’t like, breaking the rules or the budget or anything. Really the hardest part of this job is the influx of Twits and junk I’m getting from students, and a few teachers. And Schaden,” she added with a growl. “NO, WE ARE NOT HIRING A MARIACHI BAND TO FOLLOW THE PRINCIPAL AROUND.”

“Oh, good,” Sunset sighed. “And here I was thinking someone had replaced Douchehorse with some kind of alien.”

“Um… Sunset?” Bon-bon asked hesitantly. “I get that you two don’t really get along, but… why Douchehorse?”

“Cause that’s my last name,” Freude explained.

“What.” Lyra said.

Schaden rifled around for his wallet, and pulled out his ID, throwing it on the table. “Schadenfreude von Douchehorse. My dad named me.”

“Your dad sounds like an asshole,” Pizzazz noted, looking at the ID incredulously. She passed it back to Lyra and Bon-Bon, who seemed to be checking it for signs of forgery.

“Yeah, he is,” Schaden said wistfully, with a sense of pride.

“ANYWAY,” Summer interjected, wanting to get back on topic, “It sounds like there’s not much we can do until we figure out the venue, so how about we clean some of this up, make a few phone calls, and call it a day?” she suggested. She took her phone out, and turned it back on. After a few loading screens, her home screen popped up. Quickly followed by an alert saying she’d missed a Twit. Then another. Until they just kept coming, eventually informing her she’d missed 237 Twits.

“Pizzazz, you said you were getting a whole bunch of Twits about the Formal?” she grumbled, having an idea of who was responsible for this.

Pixel nodded. “Yup. Somebody,” she added with another glare in Schaden’s direction, “Posted the entire Committee roster to the Suggestion Box account.”

Sunset’s eyes slowly rolled in Schadenfreude’s direction. “Schaden,” she growled.

“See?” He offered helpfully, stretching his cheeks. “Totes not an alien.”

A New Challenger Appears!

Gratefully, Sunset didn’t have any actual classes with Schadenfreude. He knew a few people who did, including a couple of her friends, and she’d heard… stories about him. Most of which were more likely exaggerated than not, at she doubted anyone could actually get that many teddy bears into the library without Ms. Cheerilee noticing. There were a few that held water, though, like the simple pranks or minor annoyances he seemed to cause at irregular intervals. That might be what annoyed her most about him; he didn’t seem to have any regular schedule to it. He’d gone entire weeks without so much as raising a hair, and then everyone showed up to school on Monday missing a peg on their chairs.

Although he did seem to respect the school rules, for the most part. One of the reason’s she’d chosen to hide out in the library after school on a Friday to work on some of the requisition forms and applications for rental space they’d piled on her. She couldn’t exactly blame them, as this part was mostly her job, and the others were pulling their own weight in different ways. Last she’d heard Pixel Pizzazz was talking to Vinyl and Tavi about how to get her car-slash-dj booth into the gym without breaking any laws. Or walls.

Actually, that might be a perfect job for Schaden. She made a note in her pad to ask him about that when she saw him, which knowing his propensity for appearing at random times might be any second now. She wasn’t sure exactly what he was working on, but he’d done a decent job with the suggestion box, albeit not without blowing up all their Tweeter accounts. Lyra and Bon-Bon were on standby until she could give them a solid answer on where they were holding the dance. Hence, the application for rental space she was filling out.

The Pier had been a very popular choice, once it had been narrowed down to three. They’d put another poll on the Suggestion Box Tweeter and it had won by a landslide, as most students hadn’t even considered the idea of having the dance off-campus until it was waved in front of them. Which just meant that many more people she’d be pissing off if she couldn’t swing it. She’d even gone so far as to grab multiple copies of the form, just in case she’d screwed one of them up. Although the one she was working on looked pretty good. She just needed to collect a few signatures.

She was just packing up her things when her bag buzzed at her: Twilight had written to her in their journal. Excited at the distraction, Sunset quickly pulled the journal out and read over the message:

Dear Sunset,

I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since we first met. Even though it wasn’t on the under the best of circumstances, I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. In fact, I have arranged to take some time away from Equestria to celebrate our one-year anniversary of becoming friends! Not just with you, but with all of the girls on your side of the mirror. I know the actual date of your ‘Fall Formal’ isn’t for a few weeks, but I thought it only courteous to let you know well in advance!

I thought it also might be prevalent to say something now, in case my arrival might prove an inconvenience to you.

Love,

Twilight.

Sunset’s heart soared at the idea of spending time with her first real friend. Of course they’d all want to celebrate with her! She eagerly wrote back:

Twilight, of course you can come over! The girls would love to see you and I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate than having us all here for the dance!

There was a brief pause, and the book buzzed again.

Great! I’ll be right over!

“...what.”

Sunset paced back and forth by the statue in front of the school, eagerly awaiting Twilight’s arrival. She wasn’t entirely sure why Twilight had opted to show up so early, but she would ask when they met. After a couple of minutes of frenetic pacing, the portal shimmered, emmited a bright light, and a very disoriented Twilight Sparkle hoped through.

“Whoa,” Sunset said, catching her friend before she hit the ground. “Still not used to it, huh?”

“Sunset,” the princess said, “I don’t think I’ll ever be used to it.” They shared a laugh, and she straightened herself out. “I’m sorry for showing up so early, but the only time I could get away was either all three weeks or not at all! Believe me when I tell you trying to schedule anything around bureaucracy is a punishment we should be saving for the next villain we try to reform.”

Sunset rolled her shoulders as she worked out the kinks from catching her friend’s fall. “No problem. Honestly, it’s not like we don’t have a place for you to crash. You’ve seen my house, right?”

Twilight gave her a deadpan stare. “Yes. And I’d still like you to explain how that happened.”

“OR,” Sunset said loudly, “You could come with me to meet the girls! I know they’d all be super excited to see you! I’m the Co-Chairman of the Fall Formal Planning Committee, so I haven’t had much time lately to hang out with them. Well, except Pinkie.”

Twilight chuckled. “Of course. I’d imagine she’ll take any opportunity to organize a party.”

“More like trying to do it without her is like pulling teeth,” Shimmer groaned. “At least our committee seems to be on my side. I don’t know if you’ve noticed the last couple times you were here, but there’s still a few people that aren’t exactly buddy-buddy with me. I don’t expect to be friends with everyone, Twilight, but after the incident with Wallflower Blush I just don’t want anyone else to have a reason to hate me like that, you know?”

“I do. So tell me, who else is on this committee?” Twilight asked, taking her friend by the arm and leading her down the path to the school’s entrance.

“Well, me and Pinkie, obviously. Then there’s a girl named Pixel Pizzazz, Lyra and Bon-Bon-”

“Oh, I know them! They’re friends from Ponyville!” Twilight said excitedly.

“Of course they are. And then there’s-”

“Hey Sunset, hey Twilight!” said a dangerously familiar effeminate voice from behind her. “What’re you two up to?”

Sunset felt a huge groan well up within her, stifled only by the sudden tension she felt in Twilight’s arm and shoulder. She looked over to her fellow unicorn, whose eyes had become pinpricks. “...no...” Twilight said quietly.

Sunset turned around cautiously. “Hey Schadenfreu-WHOA NELLY!” she shouted, as Twilight turned tail and ran for the portal. Sunset kept a grip on her hand, slowly dragging her back.

“Bye Sunset hope you have a nice dance see you in a year when you’re graduated and far away from here ohlookatthetimeit’stimetobesomewhereelseGOODBYE!” Twilight rambled.

“No, don’t go! Don’t leave me here with him! Pleeeease!” begged Sunset.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Schaden rolled his eyes. “Jesus, but you two are drama queens.”

Schaden hadn’t stayed around long, simply stopping to say he’d put together a budget based on donations and school allowance, and to give Sunset some paperwork. “Obviously you two have some deep-seated personal issues to work out,” he said, leaving them in front of the school. They couldn’t help but notice the rather nice black sedan that picked him up, and sighed in relief when he drove away.

“So yes, he’s on the committee with me,” Sunset explained as they made their way to the parking lot. She had her nose buried in her phone as she texted the girls the good news. Of course, she’d really only needed to text Pinkie, but they had a group chat just to cut out the middle man. Everyone seemed greatly excited about the idea, and an impromptu party was being thrown at Sunset’s house. Of course, it helped that Pinkie had asked this time.

Her birthday had involved a lot of screaming. Only some of it bad.

Twilight shuddered. “Oh Celestia help us all. Schadenfreude in a position of power.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh please. It’s a planning committee for a school dance. I mean, yes, he’s the Sergeant-at-Arms-”

“YOU TRUST HIM WITH WEAPONRY?!”

“Wha-NO! It just means he keeps the minutes at Student Council meetings and keeps everyone from getting out of hand. Which is actually a perfect job for him: you get too rowdy, he gets to be as annoying as he wants. The best way to keep him in check is to behave yourself,” Sunset explained. They reached the car, and climbed in quickly.

“That… sounds exactly like what he does as Blueblood’s butler,” Twilight mused as she buckled herself in.

“Blueblood? Isn’t that Princess Celestia’s nephew?” Sunset asked as she raised an eyebrow. She turned the key in the ignition, and the car sputtered to life. “In case you’re still wondering about how I got that house, it’s by settling for cheap crap like this.”

Twilight looked around her. “I’ll never get used to cars, either. It’s so… ingenious. And if Fluttershy is correct, toxic.”

“Yes, but that’s why we don’t stand behind the car. I mean, you don’t put your mouth over chimneys, do you?”

Sparkle thought about that. “Fair point. So, what’s this for?” she asked, pointing to a small latch in front of her.

“Oh, that’s a glove box. Go ahead and open it, it’s just storage,” Shimmer explained, slowly backing into the open lot.

There was a click, a thunk, and then everything went to hell with a FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Someone had booby trapped the glove box with noise makers and pop-out streamers. Oh, and the glitter. It was everywhere.

“GODDAMMIT SCHADEN!”

“Oh god, it’s in my… everything. Gross!” Twilight whined.

After cleaning out the car as best they could, the drive home was relatively uneventful. Twilight ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ at all the sights they drove by, as she had the last time. It never failed to amuse Sunset how wide-eyed and exuberant she could still be about this ‘new world’. “So, do any of these stores specialize in getting rid of… sparkle powder?”

Sunset snorted a laugh. “Glitter, Twilight. It’s called glitter.”

Twilight looked at her shiny hands. “I don’t remember glitter being this fine… or shiny… or weird.”

“Yeah, humans have a tendency to beat an idea to death. There’s… many, many kinds. Schaden is partial to ultrafine glitterbombs.”

The princess raised an eyebrow. “Glitter… bombs? That was a bomb?!”

“Only in the loosest sense. They’re spring-loaded canisters over-packed with glitter. And besides,” Sunset chided, with a sideways glance at her passenger, “Didn’t you mention something about one of your friends having a Party Cannon?”

“SO! How far to your house?” Twilight answered not at all and a little too quickly.

Sunset chuckled. “We’re here,” she said, pulling into her driveway. Her friends were all gathered on the porch, and rushed the car as they started to get out.

“Twilight!” Rainbow called, rushing around the side and pulling her friend to her feet. Pinkie Pie was right behind them, joining in a group hug.

Even their own Twilight had shown up for the party. Of course, she seemed to be the first to notice their almost rave-like appearance. “Um… why are you sparkly?”

“Ooh, are you vampires?” Pinkie cheered, now covered in glitter.

An equally shiny Rainbow groaned, “Vampires don’t sparkle!”

Amidst the commotion of her friend’s concern and arguing over the validity of sparkly blood-suckers, Sunset just sighed and shrugged off a streamer and a handful of glitter. “Schaden,” she said simply.

The group flinched. “Oooooh.”

Author's Note

So far this is the most fun I've had in this particular story.

What an Upset!

Sunset reveled in the party, more than happy to take a couple of hours to spend some time with her friends at the end of a very hectic week. She and Twilight had of course taken time to get all the glitter off, which had involved a change of clothes and more than one shower. Each. She made a mental note to set something particularly petty aside for Schadenfreude later.

Once they’d all had a chance to settle in and hang out, the girls found themselves trying to decide between playing a game or watching a movie of some kind. Of course they’d already piled their plates with whatever snack food they could reach, and were contentedly munching about lazily. “So, anything look good?” Sunset called across the room, where Rainbow Dash had taken it upon herself to raid Shimmer’s video library.

“Hell yeah! There’s all kinds of great horror movies and stuff in here!” Dash replied, excitedly digging through a now haphazard pile of DVD and Blu-Ray cases.

Fluttershy retreated into the couch a little. “Um… I’m not big on horror movies. Maybe a comedy or something?”

AJ shrugged in the seat next to her. “IF we end up watchin’ a movie I’m ok for whatever. Really I jes’ wanted to relax.”

“Absolutely,” Rarity agreed amicably. “This week has been an absolute drudge.” She’d set herself sideways in a lounge chair, her legs dangling over the side of the armrest. “If I weren’t here with you girls I’d be spending the entire night at the spa.”

Twilight rubbed her head with her towel, her long hair taking longer to dry than she was used to. “Tell me about it. When Sunset wrote me about coming to visit I dropped almost everything to come over. You’d be amazed how much leeway you can get when you drop the words ‘Friendship Emergency’ in Equestria.”

Sunset gave her a half-lidded grin. “So that’s how you got three weeks away with such short notice. But why three weeks?”

Twilight groaned and stared at the ceiling in exasperation. “Because that’s how long the Equicratic convention lasts. And I would rather eat all my hooves with a teaspoon than deal with that shenanigans.”

“You sneaky little filly,” Sunset chided, giving her a playful elbow to the ribs. “So, you think you’d be OK with crashing here for a few weeks? I imagine someone might relish the opportunity to take you clothes shopping...” she added coyly, with a knowing glance to Rarity.

Who jumped at the idea. “Oh of COURSE!” she cried. “Darling, I could get you a whole new wardrobe for when you come to visit!”

“You know you could always borrow some of my clothes,” the other Twilight said. “It’s not like I don’t have a bunch of Rarity-tailored stuff, anyways.”

“Yeah, yeah, clothes are boring,” Rainbow interjected. She held up a particular DVD. “You know what’s NOT boring? Explosions!”

“...Die Hard? Really?” Sunset said flatly. “You think maybe we could do something a little less violent?”

“Um… actually, I like Die Hard,” Fluttershy said.

The girls all looked at her. “Um… what?” AJ said.

“Well, the people getting hurt are usually like, really bad terrorists and stuff. And, um, Bruce Willis is kind of...” she trailed off, blushing furiously.

“Fetching?” Rarity finished for her. “I agree. I normally don’t enjoy… action movies,” she said with some distaste. “But I have a weak spot for that particular actor.”

Rainbow Dash took that as an excuse, and put the movie in without waiting for input from anyone else. Not that anybody really objected to the idea.

“What’s a terrorist?” Princess Twilight asked.

Again, the room looked at her. “Um… do you… do you now have terrorism in Equestria?” Rarity asked.

Sunset sighed. “We kind of do, actually. We just call them monsters and tyrants and power-hungry unicorns. Terrorist is just a fancy word for violent villain,” she explained to Twilight.

The Princess nodded intensely. “Oh! So this is a movie about like, fighting crime and evil and stuff? Cool!”

Sunset shrugged, and gestured for Rainbow to put the movie in. Just as the opening credits started to roll, however, her phone rang.

[ Life’s gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up~ ]

She rolled her eyes as Schaden’s ringtone rang out, and her friends gave her weird looks. She waved them off and took the phone into another room. “What do you want, Schaden?”

“Actually,” he started, “I was wondering what the hell you told Twilight about me. Literally less than a week ago she had almost no idea who I was and then like an hour ago she freaked out at the sight of me? I know I’m a dick, but come on, Sunset.”

Shimmer felt a little guilty about the situation, when he explained it like that. “Ok, I’ll tell you, but you’re probably not going to believe me.”

“Ooh, story time?” he asked happily.

“...yes. Ok, so you know about all the weird magic stuff, right?” she asked, taking a seat on a stool.

“...no. I’m completely oblivious to the magical girls that keep trying to destroy or enslave my hometown. What is the deal anyways?”

She sighed. “Long story short? I’m not… from here. Earth, I mean. I’m from a different dimension, full of magic and monsters and stuff.”

“This much I know. The whole ‘you used to be a pony’ thing, right?” he asked.

“Yes. That. Well, as it turns out, there are a lot of parallels between my world and this one. The… the Twilight you met today is also from Equestria. The one at school is from this dimension,” she explained.

“...wait a minute. There’s two Twilights?”

“Yes.”

“And the… second one, from your home world, freaked out when she saw me. I’m guessing because she’s… met me before?” he asked slowly.

“...yes?” she didn’t like where this was going, instantly regretting the decision to explain any of this to him.

“So.. there’s another version of me in that other world?” he asked.

“Yes, Schaden, there is. He’s also a pony. And he’s had reason to work with Twilight before. She’s… not a fan,” she added with a small flinch.

“I’d gathered. Well, at least that explains the freak-out. Also, I wanted to apologize to Twilight -the princess pony one- for the glitter bomb. I didn’t think there would be anyone in the passenger seat when I set it. Was kind of thinking it would just get all over the car. Not a person,” he said, and sounded genuinely remorseful.

“Well… I think she’ll appreciate that. I’m still a bit miffed, too, you know,” she said pointedly.

“Oh I know. By the way,” he added, obviously ignoring the apology she was hoping for, which she wasn’t actually expecting. “That big statue thingy, that’s the weird portal, right?”

“...whyyyyy?”

“No reason.”

“Schaden.”

“Yes?”

“Please don’t go through the magic pony portal,” she begged.

“I said no such thing,” he insisted.

“You were thinking it,” she argued.

“Well obviously.”

“Schaden. Promise me.”

“Promise what?”

“The portal.”

“What about it?”

She sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I want you to promise me that you will not walk through the portal to the magical pony dimension.”

“I will not walk through the portal to the magical pony dimension, I swear.”

“Or fall through it.”

“Agreed.”

“Or jump.”

“...agreed.”

“You know what? I want your word that you will not make any attempt to go through the portal in any fashion, ever.”

“I promise.”

“SCHADEN.”

“WHAT.”

“Uncross your fingers.”

“Done.”

“ON BOTH HANDS.”

“...done.”

“AND YOUR TOES.”

“...also done.”

“...at the same time, Schaden.”

“...fine.”

“Fine. I’m hanging up now.”

“Ok. Have a good night, Sunset.”

“Good night, Schaden.”

Sunset tapped her phone and hung up, making her way back to the party. She settled into her seat, and enjoyed the movie.

For about ten minutes. “OH GOD DAMMIT,” she yelled, and scrambled to her feet, throwing her jacket back on.

“What?!” the girls all asked.

“Twilight, come on! We gotta go back to the school, hurry!”

“...which-”

“PONY!”

“Coming!” Princess Twilight yelled, scrambling to stand up.

Twilight looked at Sunset with a panicked expression as she tore down the road back to the school. “What’s going on?!” she asked in a panic.

“That was Schaden on the phone,” Sunset said quickly, and explained the conversation she had with him.

Twilight looked at her in confusion as she recounted the details. “Ok, he said he promised, didn’t he? And what is that crossing fingers thing about?”

“It’s… a childish way of getting out of a promise. He’s kind of infamous for it.”

“So? You had him uncross all his fingers, right?” Twilight asked, still confused.

“Yes, but I didn’t make him promise again after he did that!”

“And he would… take that as an excuse? Who am I kidding, of course he would. So now we have to keep him from going through the portal and… what?” Twilight asked, slightly more wary.

“Twilight, if someone told you there was a magical portal with another you on the other side, what would you do?” Sunset asked sharply, taking an equally sharp turn around a corner.

“I would jump through and try to… find… them. DRIVE FASTER!”

Sunset eagerly complied.

Sunset and Twilight had parked quickly, climbing out before the engine had even turned all the way off. They ran around the side of the building, booking it to the portal. Looking around in a panic, they saw that they were, in fact, the only ones there.

“Ok… we beat him here,” Sunset panted, leaning forward with her hands on her knees.

Twilight looked around. “Are you sure? Maybe he went through already?”

Sunset pulled out her phone and called Schaden back. “One way to find out.” She let it ring a few times, and then it picked up. “Schaden?!” she yelled.

“OW! What the fuck, Sunset?” he whined.

“Where are you?” she demanded.

“I’m… I’m at my house. Where else would I be?”

“You’re not… at school?” she asked sheepishly, giving Twilight a sideways glance. The princess seemed to be catching on, and gave her a stern glare.

“What? Why would I be… oh. You thought I was going straight for the portal or something? Jesus, Sunset, give me some credit. You did make me promise. And by the way? Crossing your fingers only works in person, you know that. Jesus, did you just drive straight to the school to try and cut me off or something?” He was laughing as he spoke.

Sunset blushed slightly, embarrassed. “Um… no.”

“Sunset.”

“Schaden.”

“You know I’m good at math, right?”

“...yes.”

“And it’s about three miles from your house to the school.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“And the average speed limit is twenty through there, with no straight roads from point A to point B.”

“That is a truth-fact.”

“...we talked five minutes ago. How the hell fast were you going?”

“...we will never speak of this again.”

“Now THAT promise I will NOT make."

"...you had no intention of going through he portal, did you?"

"Sunset, I hate horses. And magic. Good night!"

The phone went dead. “...god dammit.”

“Sunset...” Twilight said slowly.

Shimmer turned around to see Twilight glaring daggers at her, still out of breath. “So… um…. Funny story.”

There's the Wind-up...

Dealing with Schaden’s fishy puns all lunch period had left a bad taste in Sunset’s mouth, but the rest of the day seemed, gracefully, to be without incident. Even the one class she had with Schaden in the afternoon was relatively uneventful, as they quietly worked in their notebooks, filling the time with the repetitive busywork of solving math problems one after another. Then the final bell rang, and she closed her math text with a quiet thud. Most students were excited to be done with the first day of the week, rushing either home or to class, Sunset had other plans. As much as she would love to go straight home and spend time with Princess Twilight, she had obligations to fulfill.

Namely, the Planning Committee meeting.

The hall leading to their meeting room looked much like every other, a simple taupe decorated in random bursts by fliers and posters. The door, however, had transformed intself into a party-loving beast. Which was an eventuality if someone let Pinkie Pie spend too much time unsupervised in the same space. Balloons floated in the air, tacked to the door frame, while a large collage on the door itself bore the legend ‘Super Awesome Mega Party Planning Party! PARTY!’ Sunset chuckled to herself as she opened the door, only to have all mirth ripped away at the sight before her.

For once, it seemed, the yelling wasn’t Freude’s fault. Instead, Lyra and Pinkie Pie seemed to be in a heated discussion with Pixel Pizzazz and Bon-Bon about… something.

“No way!” Pixel barked, leaning forward on the table with both hands. “We are not playing some sappy kiddie music at the biggest dance of the year!”

Pinkie Pie huffed cutely. “It’s not ‘kiddie music’! It’s the Chicken Dance! Literally every dance EVER has had the Chicken Dance for a bajillion hijillion years!”

Bon-Bon looked across the table sith a stern expression. “The Chicken Dance is literally the definition of ‘kiddie music’. We’re not kids we’re teenagers!”

Schaden coughed politely, and read aloud from his phone: “Kid, noun. A child or young person. Synonyms: child, youngster, minor, juvenile, teenager.”

Bon-Bon redirected her scathing glare to the Co-Chairman. “Thank you, Schadenfreude,” she said in an exasperated tone.

Schaden nodded with a smile, and turned his attention to Sunset, so far the only person to have done so. “I’m helping!” he said gleefully.

Shimmer’s head drooped as the rest of the table noticed her. “I see that, Schaden. Girls, what the hell?”

Lyra stared at her intensely, occasionally glancing sideways at her fellow committee members with a rather passionate scowl. “These… snooty-tooties seem to think they’re too GOOD for the Chicken Dance!”

“Yes, I caught that. What, exactly, is the problem with having one song in a three-hour playlist be something silly?” she asked, directing her exhausted gaze to Pixel and Bon’s side of the table.

“Because it’s a formal affair! It’s in the title!. Fall FORMAL,” Pizzazz enunciated the word dramatically, not tearing her eyes from the staring contest she seemed to be having with Pinkie Pie.

“That’s also a valid point. Look,” she said, putting her own hands on the table. “I get that you guys all have different taste in music. And yes, the Chicken Dance is a totally childish song. HOWEVER,” she added sternly, at rising protests from Lyra and Pinkie, “We also have to remember that the Fall Formal is open not just to High Schoolers, but the eighth graders as well. We’re expected to play at least something immature. And besides. Who the hell here doesn’t want to watch Scootaloo to the Dance again this year?”

There was a brief pause, then the room dissolved into a fit of giggles. Given the events of the last Formal, Scottaloo’s absolutely spot-on and over-enthusiastic rendition of the Chicken Dance was easily the highlight of the dance last year. “On the other hand, I think we have a lot more pressing matters than a three-minute song in a three-hour event,” Sunset said with some finality, giving a pointed look at Pixel and Bon-Bon, the former of which begrudgingly leaned back and sat in her chair.

Pinkie and Lyra high-fived each other, earning a pointed look from their Chairman until they, too, sat down. Finally, she looked to her co-chairman.

“Oh god, I know I’m going to regret asking, but what, exactly, are you doing, Schaden?” Sunset asked, finally walking around the room and taking her seat at the head of the table.

The only boy in the room shrugged. “Not much. Got the call back from the Pier, they were ok with the rental date we asked, and said they could even give us a discount. You know, ‘for the kids’,” he added, with a knowing grin to Pixel.

“That’s great!” Sunset exclaimed, happy to hear some progress. Now that they had a venue, they could make more solid decisions about the menu, playlist, entry costs, and a host of other decisions they’d had to put on hold. “How much are they asking?”

Schaden said a number, and Sunset saw a light in a dark tunnel. “H-how much?” He said the number again, and angels rang trumpets and bells in a steadily growing orchestra. Sunset could feel her body and spirit separating in a longing gesture. “H-how the hell are we going to afford that?! That’s our entire budget!”

She wished immediately that she hadn’t asked. “I believe, Sunset, that they’re called ‘fundraisers’,” Schaden answered with a devilish grin.

...and the Pitch!

Author's Note

I woke up feeling saucy this morning.

...and the Pitch!

It was the next weekend. The week leading up to this had been busy, hectic, full of careful planning and organization, plus some last-minute permits and permission slips. Such was the nature of short-notice fundraisers. In fact, it had been so busy and so productive that Schaden had found little to no occasion to annoy anyone, least of all Sunset Shimmer.

Although that might be due entirely to the fact that he’d banked his entire week’s worth of being a douchecanoe into this one event. Sunset considered that possibility, along with a host of other ‘possibilities’, most of which fell into the ‘accidental death’ category, as she stood on the sidewalk bordering the parking lot in little more than a bikini top and sarong, holding up a great big home-made sign that said “Car Wash”.

“Can I kill him yet?” Lyra groaned, standing next to her. She too, wore a swimsuit, although she’d done for something both more and less conservative: a one-piece athletic swimsuit, which just so happened to be the same color as her skin tone. She’d said when she put it on earlier that she thought it was a ‘good idea at the time.’

Sunset sighed. “No, we still need him. Just wait until after the Formal, and then I’ll tell you all the best hiding places in the school.”

Bon-Bon and Pinkie Pie seemed to have the opposite view of things, although their swimsuits were much less… risque than their friend’s, yet somehow still eye-catching. Pinkie wore a frilly two-piece which, while not accenting her curves, provided enough flouncy fabric to make her very popular. Bon-Bon had no trouble showing off her surprisingly athletic build, wearing a simple monotone bikini that was undoubtedly a department store purchase, though it fit her well. It screamed ‘practicality’, however. They, along with a few other girls from the school who had actually volunteered for the event instead of ‘being’ volunteered by sheer virtue of being on the committee setting up the event, had been washing cars for the last couple of hours.

It might occur to someone that Lyra had waited a few hours into their event to ask whether or not murdering their suspiciously absent Co-Chairman was a good idea. In truth, up until half an hour ago he’d been happily puttering away at the ‘register’, a table with a cash lockbox and a smartphone with a Square. Right now Pixel Pizzazz had taken over, much to the chagrin of the boys who had lined up to have her wash their cars.

Pixel Pizzazz, under all the fancy clothes, accessories, and slightly huffy attitude, had a figure that could conservatively be described as ‘hourglass’ and bordered on ‘adult actress’. Given that she was only sixteen, her twenties were more likely than not going to be the envy of any woman within a twenty block radius. The fact that she was now sitting comfortably behind the register, well out of range of the hoses, sponges, soap, and car windows, caused no end of disappointment to the boy who had done nearly-illegal turns into the parking lot while she had been washing cars. Her choice of bikini, an over-the shoulder piece with a bottom that would have given any respectable mother a series of heart-attacks, was only slightly put to waste behind the table, and Applejack had stopped washing cars and started scouring the lot for boys who thought they could sneak photographs under said table, or of her friends in general.

She’d ended up charging, and was quickly keeping pace with the funds from the car wash itself.

The boy’s disappointment was quickly dissuaded by the presence of more than one Rainboom in their summer best. Fluttershy had been especially popular, even given the fact that her ‘swimswear’ was a diving suit that seemed to have trouble with words like ‘tension’ and ‘chest size’. Perhaps especially so. Rainbow Dash had been put on sign-holding duty, covering the other entrance to the parking lot, as she had a tendency to finish the cars in record speed, which for some odd reason led to a series of complaints from the drivers.

The stripped paint might have had something to do with that. Also the limited amount of time in which they could ogle the teenagers.

Lyra, long since used to the presence of ‘more attractive’ females around her hogging the spotlight, had since sunk into a fake-cheery smile and an inner sense of defeat as she waited for her chance to go home, sleep for twelve hours, do it again tomorrow, and then never, ever again. “How about maiming? Can I maim?”

Sunset considered that thoughtfully. “As much as I want to give you permission to do so, you and I both know Bon-Bon would turn us into striped candy if she found out I’d given you a pass on assault and battery.”

Lyra ‘hmmmf’d and went back to waiving her sign. Besides the public embarrassment, bordering on humiliation, they were making decent money. Sunset’s worries of being able to afford the rental fee had long since been soothed and replaced full force by the mortification churning in her stomach like bad Chinese food. “I will, however, not dissuade you from doing so should an opportunity present itself, and again, I know all the best hiding spots. Just… don’t let Derpy know you did it.”

“Why, does she like, like him or something?” Lyra asked, raising an eyebrow over a sideways glance.

“Remember that crush she had on Time Turner when freshmen year started?” Shimmer asked.

Lyra flinched. “I still can’t open my locker properly.”

“It’s like that, except Schaden seems to like her back. They might actually be dating, I’m not sure. But If she found out you were gunning for Schaden, she’d lay you out like pizza dough.”

Heartstrings thought about that for all of the half-second it took her lizard brain to scream in it’s best inside voice “DO NOT DO THIS THING.” She opened her mouth to say something, only to be startled largely by the loudest car horn they’d ever heard.

Then it appeared. The monster. Around a street corner, the largest road-legal vehicle anyone ever had seen in the history of forever amen end of sentence pulled up to the gas station, and slowly worked it’s way into the line. It was a monster truck that ate monster trucks. Even ones bigger than it. The grill was massive, as if a bulldog had vigorously humped an electric fence until this THING popped into existence by sheer force of will. The doors could double as Titanic set pieces. Jack might have even survived. It had lights on top less optimal for a vehicle and more likely appropriated from the spotlights they use to search for escaped convicts. From the moon. The windows could stop bullets. Missiles. Even an alicorn or two if they were feeling somewhat lazy and the driver hadn’t said anything untoward about their mothers. The flatbed, and of course it had a flatbed, was both longer than the rest of the car and wider than most ‘yo mama’ fat jokes.

The tires. Good GOD, the tires. They looked less like tires and more like the neck of a rather well-trained dragon wearing a collar of vulcanized rubber. The only rock big enough to get stuck between the treds was currently in training to beat Mt. Everest as the tallest mountain. And it was doing well.

The passenger door opened, and out bounced the happiest, silliest, purest blonde girl in the history of cute little airheaded blondes: Derpy Hooves. She radiated a sense of innocence and excitement reserved for puppies and skydivers who hadn’t opened the plane door yet. She, too, was wearing a swimsuit, a more reserved version of what Sunset sported, in a more appropriate color palette for her complexion, and ran up to Sunset with a wide smile. “Hi Sunset! I came to help!”

Sunset cringed with everything in her body except her outer features. While her outside was a stone, her inside was watching childhood home videos in which she was the star and had just found her mother’s makeup. Letting Derpy Hooves ‘help’ was about as good an idea as putting Schaden in charge: it could work, but something was going to break. “That’s… great, Derpy. Who, uh, who drove you?”

Derpy smiled brightly, almost outshining the sun on her hair. “My boyfriend!”

Sunset’s eyes narrowed like freshly sharpened daggers as she turned to glare at the driver’s side window, which was slowly rolling down. “Hey Sunset!” Schaden called out the driver’s window. “I found a car you guys can wash!”

The last time Sunset saw that many middle fingers she’d asked for forgiveness for taking over the school.

Halftime

It was still Saturday, although the sun was beginning to set. The parking lot had emptied out, save for the girls who stayed behind to help clean up and put things away. Most of them were still in swimwear, although a few of the more modest girls had already changed into proper clothes they’d thought to bring with them.

Schaden and Applejack were counting and pooling the money from both the carwash and the photo ops, taking notes about which money came from where, and managing all kinds of electronic transfers to get all of the money they’d received by card into the Committee’s budget account. There was a bit of confusion between them, neither being completely comfortable with electronic banking, until Sunset had joined them to take over both their phones.

Derpy, surprisingly, had done little to no damage. Besides a bucket of hot, soapy water getting dumped on Rainbow’s head, she’d done quite well and just standing there holding the sign. Sunset even liked to think they’re numbers had gone up slightly after she took over.

“So what’s the score?” Lyra asked, leaning on a broom-sized squeegee handle and staring at the trio of money counters expectantly.

Sunset smiled despite herself, and her proximity to Schaden, who had somehow actually convinced the group to wash the damn monster truck. The hundred dollars his dad had sent over might have had something to do with it, but her shoulders still ached from scrubbing the treads. The fact that they could, and had to be, washed by hand irked her immensely. “It’s good. We’ve actually got a surplus now. We even got a good deal on a caterer.”

Bon-bon, who had actually been using her squeegee to push all the soapy water into the drain pipes, raised an eyebrow. “How did you do that? You’ve been here the whole time!”

Applejack kicked her feet up to rest them on the table and leaned back in her chair. “Well, it just so happens the Apple Family Orchard offers caterin’ services themselves!”

“Do you do fish?” Bon-Bon asked carefully.

“Does a bear crap in the woods?” Applejack retorted.

Bon-Bon looked ready to say something scathing, so Sunset jumped in. “She means yes. There’s a rather sizable creek, or river, running through their property. I’ve gone fishing there myself. And don’t worry, they’re really good cooks.”

“I’m not worried about the quality,” Bon-Bon scoffed. “Everyone knows Apple food is good food. I’m worried they won’t be able to stick to the menu.”

Rarity, having overheard part of the discussion, saw fit to jump in, dragging Pinkie with her. “Oh, don’t worry about that, darling. If anyone here knows a fine dining menu, it’s moi! And I do believe our dear Pinkie Pie can handle the desert end of things?”

“Probably!” Pinkie said happily. “I mean, I’d need to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Cake, but they could do a dessert bar for a school dance, easy! Just as long as you give them enough warning.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “I’ll feel more confident when we have everything on paper and I’ve got receipts in my hand.” It was just then that Schaden tapped on her shoulder. “Ugh, what?” He handed her a small stack of papers.

“Schaden… oh my god,” she groaned, seeing the stack was little more than the receipts from the car wash and a small scrap with the word ‘everything’ written on it. “I hate you so much sometimes.”

“I’m so helpful,” he said with a wide grin.

Rarity scowled at him. “I’m still not happy with that… monstrosity you made us clean.”

“Excuse me? Us?” Applejack asked in an annoyed tone. “I seem to remember you waltzing right past that behemoth and all but throwing yourself on a Mazarati with a sponge in your hand.”

“Well, you can’t expect a lady to work on a beast of that magnitude, can you?” Rarity argued.

“Sunset and Fluttershy did,” Schaden pointed out.

“Oh! Yes… well. Still! I’d rather not have ruined my manicure trying to dig that thoing out from the mountain of dirt you seem to have excavated it from, right Sunset?” Rarity added, looking to her friend.

Sunset was more taken aback by Schaden’s comment. “Did… you just compliment me?” she asked suspiciously.

Schaden rolled his shoulders casually. “Please. If anyone besides Rarity qualifies as a lady it’s you and Flutters. I mean, I’m pretty sure Applejack and Rainbow Dash consider it an insult, for one.”

“Yer darn tootin’.”

Rarity nodded. “For once I agree, dear. You do seem to have a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ about you.”

“Hmm. Ok. Still mad at you.”

Schaden grinned, standing up. “Aren’t you always? Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta get D home.”

“How the hell did you get that girl to go out with you in the first place?” Lyra asked.

“Mystery of life,” Schaden said casually, waving to Derpy, who was sitting on a propane tank drinking from a juice box. “D! We’re out of here!”

“Ok!” she called back, hopping down. She also hadn’t changed out of her swimsuit, and skipped over to the truck. “By Sunny!”

“Bye Derpy!”

“Bye Rarity!”

“Goodbye, darling!”

“Bye Applejack!”

“See ya Monday, D!”

“Bye Ly-”

“GOODBYE, DERPY!” called the group at large. Derpy waved happily one last time, and hopped in the truck. Whether because she got the message or because everyone had said goodbye to her, nobody was sure.

Schaden hopped in the driver’s seat, giving his girlfriend a peck on the cheek as she giggled cutely, and they pulled into traffic probably a little faster than they should. Certainly the cars behind them thought so, if the horns were any indication.

There was a moment of peace as people puttered about cleaning and counting and in general breaking camp to go home. Then a thought came to Rainbow Dash, as she walked past the table that used to be their ‘register’. “Who the hell gave that guy a driver’s license?”

“THANK YOU!” Sunset shouted.

Game Called on Account of Stupid

Wednesday, truth be told, might even be more unpopular than Monday. Far enough away from the previous weekend that any gossip or idle chatter about whatever someone did during their off days was old news, and too far away from the new weekend to be excited about it. All of the other days of the week seemed to serve a purpose. Wednesday’s might just have been to annoy people.

A job it really could have left to Schaden, although he couldn’t be asked to be in more than one place at a time, if only for the piece of mind of the universe at large.

This particular Wednesday might as well be called Windsday, with the almost uproarious bluster surrounding the school. Branches beat on windows, leaves dashed across the lawn, and in general the air was just being rude. Even in the cafeteria, which Sunset was now strolling into, one could hear the howling of the wind. Only slightly, though. She made her way to her usual table when she noticed something, or someone, peculiar. Namely, Schaden.

Seeing him at lunch wasn’t unusual. Seeing hm sitting with Derpy at lunch even less so. Seeing the two of them sit with really anyone else at lunch without them having barged in on the conversation was a rare sight, if not impossible. The two seemed to be chatting amicably, or as amicably as one could with someone who derived great pleasure in waiting that extra second to say something, then talking just as the other person tries to fill the silence, with Flash Sentry and Sandalwood. Micro Chip was also at the table, although more engaged in his book than the topic of discussion.

Which, Sunset found, as she dared to draw closer out of sheer curiosity, was the homecoming game.

“All I’m saying is Crystal Prep takes themselves way too seriously when it comes to winning,” Flash said. His eyes lit up as he noticed Sunset, and waved her over.

She thought for a second about escaping, but figured that dealing with Schaden now rather than later was much like ripping the bandage off. He was also slightly more bearable with Derpy around. “Hey guys,” she said, placing her tray down and taking a seat. The group greeted her amicably, Micro Chip looking up from his text long enough to smile and wave, then returned to it with a pensive expression. “Why are you guys on about the game? It’s not like any of you are on the team.”

“Yeah,” Schaden agreed. “But Bulk is, and we’re trying to support him.”

There was a moment’s pause as Sunset waited for him to say more or see if anyone else was going to jump in, then she said, “Well-”

“See we’re trying to figure out how to up his game,” Schaden continued.

“...I see-”

“Cause the game is against Crystal Prep this year and they’re waaaaayyyyyy too into winning to be healthy.”

“… ...oka-”

“And I love Bulk as much as the next guy, but he’s not exactly the best football player in the world.”

“Okay but-”

“Also hi.”

“SCHADEN,” Sunset said loudly, as the other boys chuckled behind their hands.

One of the universal truths about Schadenfreude, and the reason he actually had friends and was in general relatively social, was that while dealing with Schaden was like pulling teeth with a crane game, watching Schaden was a spectator sport that really should have some kind of concession stand. He was the funniest person in the room. If he was ignoring you. “Yes?” he said innocently.

“I think she was trying to say something,” Derpy pointed out. Schaden cast a glance over his shoulder at her, and sighed. Derpy had a way of keeping Schaden in check by sheer virtue of not finding most of what he did funny past a certain point, and being one of the few people in the world whose opinion Schaden actually valued. That relatively short list included his tax lawyer father and the career counselor, Discord, who Sunset was pretty sure had a stash of something illegal and narcotic somewhere about his person at all times, so Schaden actually reeling himself in was rare.

Sunset nodded. “Why, exactly, are we trying to help Bulk Biceps win specifically, instead of the whole team?”

The boys exchanged glances, then broke into raucous laughter. Sandalwood rubbed his eyes and explained, between chuckles, “We’re not trying to help the team win, that’s kind of a lost cause. I mean, the most athletic people in the school are all girls. Our football team is… well, it sucks, man. No, we’re trying to help Biceps look good while he’s losing. I mean, there’s losing, and then there’s gettin’ your tush handed to you wrapped in your own t-shirt.”

“We just want to help him put on his best game so that it’s actually not a complete washout this year,” Flash added.

“Why?” Sunset replied. “Is he trying to get scouted?”

Again, the table broke down in laughter. Derpy, one of the only other people at the table either not getting the joke or not caring, explained. “No, he’s already on track to get a scholarship to an Arts college. But there’s a girl he’s trying to impress, so...”

Sunset’s confused expression relaxed into one of smug understanding. “Oh, I gotcha. You’re all trying to help him play wingman. So who’s the chick?”

The air at the table suddenly, yet subtly, changed. Sandalwood seemed to remember this was a ‘lunch’ period and thus took great interest in his lunch, Flash had decided that the walls were suddenly the most interesting thing at the table, and Schaden was barely restraining a smile. Derpy, however, seemed not to get the memo that whoever Bulk Biceps was trying to impress, it was supposed to be some kind of secret.

“Oh, it’s Sonata Dusk!” she chirped.

Sunset didn’t remember the trip from sitting upright to her forehead hitting the table, but judging by the now throbbing headache, it was an impressively short one.

A Change in Roster

Sunset Shimmer really didn’t hold much issue with the Dazzlings. After their defeat, they seemed to have settled into the everyday life of high school like social chameleons, each finding their own niche rather quickly and going about their business. This didn’t mean that they didn’t have their quirks, however. Adagio was a high-and-mighty ‘It Girl’ who had found herself a little group of followers; Aria was a rough-and-tumble type who had a bad habit of getting into fights on and off campus; and Sonata was… well.

Sonata Dusk was what Sunset suspected Pinkie Pie would be if no one bothered to keep her in check. Not that Pinkie needed it, but there were certainly things she didn’t do because she thought it might make her friends uncomfortable. Sonata had no such reservations. In fact, one might suspect Sonata couldn’t even spell reservations. Now, she had no objections to playing matchmaker between her and the admittedly sweetheart Bulk Biceps, however mismatched they might be, but there was one distinct problem.

Schadenfreude. In fact, she had developed the habit of saying his name in her head in a sentence all its own, lest she invite disaster by combining it with other words like ‘responsibility’, ‘open mic’, or ‘silly string’. She absolutely, under no circumstances, wanted to combine the words ‘Schadenfreude and ‘Sonata Dusk’ in any sentence that could imply anything other than how horrible putting the two in the same room would be.

So the fact that Schaden had somehow wormed his way into planning a game of matchmaker that involved the youngest siren sister screamed ‘natural disaster’ to her. She’d shared as much with Rarity, who she had a late-day period with, and was currently sitting next to, gossiping under the guise of a group project. “And I don’t even know how the hell to keep… that guy screwing everything up from the roof to the floor for those two.”

Rarity rested a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Sunset, I admire you, I really do. You have a wonderful talent for bringing people together and spreading friendship, and a brilliant mind for people, numbers, and science.”

“But...” Sunset said cautiously, hearing the other shoe fall past her head.

“But sometimes you are absolutely dense. Really, dear, you overthink things almost as much as our dear Twilight does, sometimes! The answer is relatively simple,” Rarity observed.

Sunset was cautiously optimistic. “How so?”

Rarity straightened her dress and turned to face Sunset properly. “Look, you make it sound like you have a whole bunch of problems on your plate when really it’s just one. Keeping Schaden out of Bulk’s social life, getting him to play nice with the other committee members, planning the formal. No, I think you should really only focus on one thing.”

Sunset knew Rarity wanted her to ask, so she did. “Which is?”

“Keeping Schadenfreude busy!. Really, the best thing you could do for everyone involved is to get Schaden as far away from someone else’s romantic life as possible. Which, as it just so happens, is exactly what would happen if he was too busy focusing on the Fall Formal! Your only job here, regardless of how difficult it might seem, is to keep Schaden on task! Which, as it just so happens, means all you have to do is get him focused!”

“The Formal,” Shimmer nodded. “Right. If I just keep him on task and make sure he doesn’t have the time to screw around, we’ll be done in no time and the Sonata/Bulk thing can solve itself on the side.”

“Exactly!” Rarity exclaimed, only to be hushed by their teacher. They returned their attention to the assignment, and Sunset felt rather more confident about her situation.

It was later in the afternoon, and the Planning Committee had all gathered at the Pier to start mapping the floor space, planning the menu specifics, and making some necessary orders. Pixel had brought with her Vinyl Scratch, and the two were currently giving the location’s sound system a thorough inspection. No doubt the DJ would find no end of things lacking in the stock equipment and insist on bringing her own setup.

Lyra and Bon-Bon were mapping the floor plan and drawing up a sketch of how they were going to set up the buffet line, where they seats would go, and the like. They also made notes as to where and what they wanted decorated.

Pinkie Pie was chatting on the phone with no end of catering companies, ones she knew personally and ones she’d only met professionally, running down the best options for their budget and finding out exactly how many key lime pies she could reasonably order with less than two weeks notice.

Sunset and Schadenfreude, however, were off in their own corner having an… animated discussion.

“Look, Schaden, I really need you to be on point here! We have people making decorations and stuff, sure, but the Fall Formal really is a big deal! I know you’re not one for… formal functions, but please try and be serious about this,” Sunset pleaded.

Schaden looked slightly affronted and highly amused. “Sunset, I have to admit, I’m torn. As much as it would absolutely overjoy me to annoy the schnitzel out of you and sit on my haunches, I signed up to be Co-Commissioner for a reason.”

“To make me go gray early?” Sunset groaned.

“HA. No. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t actually want to make people miserable. No, stop laughing, I’m serious. There’s a fine line between distinctly annoyed teenagers and a pitchfork mob. As you know, I have a reputation for being an absolute dillhole. One that carefully tows this side of the line from ‘public menace’ by doing the occasional nice thing for people.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “So… you’re doing this to earn enough brownie points that when you act like a total douche again people don’t outright stab you?”

“Precisely!”

Sunset felt something in the back of her brain twitch. “Is that why you’re trying to help set up Bulk and Sonata?”

“Pffffffft, no!” Schaden scoffed. He flipped his unfairly silky brown hair. “I’m doing that to annoy Adagio. She had the gal to suggest that I know nothing about romance! I mean, I’m the one with a girlfriend, and she just has a bunch of starry-eyed teen boys following her around. Hell, pretty much any girl in this room could to that with a short enough skirt and high heels.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I understand having a life outside of school, but I can’t afford you getting distracted so close to the Formal! It’s crucial that we get this thing sorted properly, so if you could do me this one favor and not… be you for just two more weeks, I’d really appreciate it.”

Which of course was the exact moment that the other girls joined the conversation, each with their own problems.

First Pixel. “Sunset! This sound system sucks total ass and they’re not letting us bring in our own equipment!”

Then Pinkie. “SUNSHIM! THE PLACE I CALLED THAT DOES FISH DOESN’T WANT TO WORK WITH SUGARCUBE CORNER! I MEAN WHO DOESN’T LIKE CAKES”

“… the food or the people?”

“YES!”

Then finally, Lyra and Bon-Bon. “Shimmer! The Pier owners said we’re not allowed to bring our own decorations! They said we could use theirs, but they all suck and they don’t even have Canterlot High banners!”

Sunset looked at the group of girls in front of her, venting their frustrations at all these last-minute problems. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she caught the expression on Schaden’s face.

She’d seem a look like that before. Back in Canterlot. When she spent her time with nobility and followed the Princess around. It was the look of someone who knew exactly how to solve a problem, in what might or might not be morally questionable ways, who just needed someone to give the say so. It was the expression a loaded gun would give you right before you fired it. The look of a dare on the tip of your tongue. The kind of side-eye your cat gives you as it paws at the glass on the edge of the table.

“Schaden, forget everything I just said,” she grunted.

Schaden smiled wider than she’d seen most people do in a while. Except of course for Pinkie Pie. “You want I should let them have it, boss?”

Sunset nodded. “Both barrels.”

Schaden just grinned maliciously and strolled away, pulling out his phone.

Pixel watched Schaden leave with a sense of well-placed apprehension. “What… Just happened?”

“I just solved all your problems.”

Pinch Hitter

Sunset Shimmer and Schadenfreude had a few things in common, which Sunset was more than loathe to admit. They both had the capacity to be horrible people. They were both skilled manipulators. They both had really rather fantastic hair. However, while Sunset was an ex-villain curently living a life of peace, goodwill, and repentance, Schaden was exactly the kind of antihero who used his powers of villainy for the greater good. He had so much practice in this particular field, in fact, that he was one of only a very small handful of people she had gone out of her way no not antagonize during her reign as Queen of Canterlot High.

A fact she was reminded of every time she watched him work. She and the other girls, who had all gathered around a rather large circular table, simply sat back in awe as Schaden made phone call after phone call, writing constantly and rifling through his notes like they were the Anarchist’s Cookbook. “Yeah, hi dad!” he said, after his latest call connected. “Listen, I need some… work done down at the Pier. You got anything for me on a… Lazy Susan catering, the owners of Pier One-Five, and Harborside Hotel and Gatherings? Yeah-huh? Yes, yes I know. I don’t need financials. Yes, my forms are up to date. YES, I TOOK OUT THE GARBAGE. No, I haven’t heard from mom lately. No. No it’s ok. Yeah. Ok, Harborside first? Cool.”

There was an awkward pause as Schaden started taking notes like crazy, punctuated with ‘yeahs’ and ‘uh-hus’ and a few bad jokes. Sunset looked to Pinkie, and the later mouthed, ‘Mom?’ Sunset shook her head. She had no idea, either. The other girls just sat back in silence as their token madman went about his work, until he hung up with a “Love you too, dad.” He put his phone down, organized his notes, then gestured wordlessly to Pixel Pizzazz, who had spent a good deal of time ignoring the proceedings via her phone. Lyra elbowed her, and she sat up and caught Schaden’s eye. The boy was already on the phone, but gave her a thumbs up.

“Yes, hello! My name is Schadenfreude von Douchehorse, and I’m on the Canterlot High Fall Formal Planning Committee. Yes, yes it’s quite the mouthful. Is there any chance Mr. Side is in the office? Yes, Sea Side. No, he’s not expecting my call. Yes, it’s important. Yes, I’ll hold,” he said, and paused for a second. Putting his hand over the mic on his phone, he said quietly, “Watch this. YES!” he said enthusiastically, returning his attention to his phone. “Mr. Side, it’s good to speak to you! My name is Schadenfreude. Yes. Von Douchehorse. Yes. Yes my father is doing well. Thank you. I’ll tell him you said so. Hey, while I have you, I’m helping put together this thing for Canterlot High at the- yes the Pier. Listen, someone somewhere in your company said something about not allowing outside equipment to get hooked up to your sound system? Yes. Oh, believe me, I get the warranties thing. There’s something that confuses me, however. I understand that you have a contract with Loudhouse Sound Systems. Believe me, I’m no stranger to fine print. I just thought that maybe they’d be a little more lenient considering you’re already using Glassbreaker speakers on your main stage? Yes. Yes I’m at the Pier right now. I know you’re busy, I mean I could always call them myself and ask- no? Oh, of course. I’ll hold.”

Schaden held the phone against his shoulder, waiting patiently. Pixel gave him a look, to which he responded, “Give it a minute.”

It didn’t even take that long. Pixel’s phone rang on the table in front of her, which she answered quickly. “Sup? Hey Vinyl. Oh they… already? Yeah, I think Schaden took care of it. I mean, I just watched him do… something. Yeah, I’ll be back there in a minute.” She hung up her phone, stood up from the table, and gave Schaden a curious raised eyebrow. “I’m not going to ask how that happened.”

Schaden nodded, and said quietly, “It’s better for both of us that way. Hello!” he siad cheerfully, returning to the phone. “Yes Mr. Side. Yes it’s all taken care of. Thank you very much! Oh of course! My dad loves golf! Yes, let me get you his office number- oh, you have it! Wonderful. No, I don’t think he’s busy on Sunday, but you might want to call him now. His schedule fills quickly, with clients as important as you to tend to. Oh, psh. You have a wonderful day!”

Sunset had settled for leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs comfortably while Schaden worked, both mesmerized and appalled by his efficiency. He wasn’t even off the phone for five seconds before he was making another call. “Yes, I’m calling for Ms. Susan? Yes, I’ll hold.” He palmed his phone again, gesturing for Pinkie to pay attention. “Yeah? Hello! My name is Schadenfreude von Douchehorse, and- yes that’s my dad. No, no you’re not in trouble, ma’am. I just had a couple of questions to ask you about a local catering gig you were approached for? The Pier. Yes, Canterlot High. I’m on the Planning Committee. No, I understand. Really I do. It’s healthy competition. Listen, though, I was just talking to my father- no, ma’am. No. Wouldn’t dream of it. Just thought you might like to know that there’s a sizable workforce tax credit available to collaborative projects under a certain budget. Yes, it counts as a charity deduction if you- yes. Approximately two thousand, plus initial expenses. You know how charitable deductions are. Yes of course. No, I’ll stay on the line.”

Schaden tucked his phone against his shoulder again and told Pinkie, “Call Mrs. Cake.”

There was a pause as he returned to his call. “Yes, I think that would work fine. Nothing so fancy, ma’am. Yes. Of course, my father would love to hear from you. Of course! He loves halibut. No, thank you.”

Hanging up the call, he turned his attention to Pinkie Pie, who was currently on her own phone. “Hi Mrs. Cake! What? What?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! How- no, nevermind. I know how. Yeah. Of course I’m free to babysit this weekend! Yeah! Okie-doki-loki!”

There was a pause around the table, as everyone looked expectantly at Pinkie Pie. Eventually, Lyra broke the silence. “And?”

Pinkie bounced cheerfully in her chair. “Mrs. Cake said Ms. Susan called! Well, not Ms. Susan, but her office! They’re catering the whole event again. For free!”

Lyra and Bon-Bon’s jaws made lout thumping sounds as they hit the floor. “How?!”

“Taxes, baby,” Schaden said smugly.

Pinkie just stood up and smiled largely. “Thanks, Schadie!” she cheered, and ran off, dialing her phone again.

Sunset had seen Schaden at work before, immediately after the Friendship Games. She was one of the few people who knew exactly how all of the property damage had gotten cleaned up so quickly, without incident or report, and she was keeping quiet. Mainly because she’d had to sign a bunch of forms first. Lyra and Bon-Bon, however, had never seen the more efficient side of Schaden’s awful, annoying, and manipulative nature.

Which was why they were a little less-than-patient with their own results. “Aren’t you going to, you know, make another call? Something about the Pier?” Lyra insisted. “And the decorations?”

It was Sunset’s turn to look smug. “Have patience, young padawan. All will be revealed in time.”

Bon-Bon gave her a curt look. “Oh, sure. Like he’s gonna lift a finger to help with the decorations. What’s fifty bucks in streamers and lights when he gets the whole catering gig for a song-” she was quickly interrupted as a side door burst open, and a rather bothered-looking Pier worker stomped into the room, holding a large box of decorations.

“Here!” she whined. She couldn’t have been more than nineteen, and already looked more world-weary than some of their teachers. “You can have your stupid decorations! Do you have any idea how loud my boss gets when someone pokes his money with a stick?! I’m lucky I still have eardrums!”

“Thanks, Oddjob,” Schaden said cheerfully.

The girl wheeled around on him. “YOU! Why is it always you?! First the construction company I worked for goes under, just because someone happened to point out that the dock they made for their camp was made with old wood! Then I lose my job at the mall because I accidentally set all of the TV’s to play the same music video at the same time! I mean, how was I supposed to know I would incite a giant monster rampage?! And now my boss wants me to help set up all these decorations myself?! Just because I tied to keep to his stupid cheap-ass corporate policy!” She sighed, having run out of steam. “I’m starting to miss Greasy’s.” She plodded off, pulling out a cigarette and throwing open the front door for what they all assumed was a moment of peace.

Bon-Bon’s eyebrows lifted quickly. “Remind me to never ever make you mad.”

Schaden smiled warmly. “Who said I was mad?”

Author's Note

Shoutout to Justice and a few others, and anyone who caught the reference.

Time Out for Bros

Chapter 13

It was a week to the Formal, and Sunset was a bundle of nerves. Even thought the Pier was well on its way to being decorated, the sound systems had all checked out, and the catering businesses they’d hired had put aside their petty squabbles in favor of what Schaden had assured her was “Really a rather stupid amount of money at tax season as long as they don’t kill each other”, Sunset was almost positive something was going to go wrong. Again.

She just hoped it wasn’t something she could get blamed for. Again. Being a Saturday, Sunset found that she had little to do. Thanks to her hyper-vigilance with the Planning Committee and her typical homework habits, really everything she needed done was already… done. At least as far as she was concerned. There were still people setting up in their free time, and some last-minute changes and work to do, but between the student body and the staff of both the school and the Pier itself, there wasn’t much room for her to stick her nose in and bark orders.

Which left her with a curiously open weekend. It was noon, and she found that she had little to nothing to do. She’d of course gone to the Pier first thing in the morning, and quickly found that there just wasn’t any room for more help. Everyone was All Hands On Deck, whether they needed to be or not. From there, she’d called her friends to see if they wanted to hang out, but most if not all of them were extremely busy.

Rarity was making them all new dresses for the formal. Twilight and Pinkie were at the Pier decorating and… dong whatever Pinkie does. Fluttershy and Applejack had apparently set aside this weekend to do some work on the farm, as it seemed AJ’s cows had taken after Fluttershy rather well, especially since they now had someone to talk to whose vocabulary wasn’t limited to ‘Moo’. (Although Sunset had been assured that ‘Moo’ was, in fact, a beautiful and vibrant language with great nuance that no one appreciated properly.) Even Rainbow Dash was busy all weekend, running drills with the soccer team for their big game next weekend.

Even Schaden was busy this weekend. Something about helping his father with their garden. Last she heard he was out shopping for tools.

Thus, Sunset was alone this weekend, with not much to do. Having wandered about town listlessly, her feet had dragged her to the most socially active place in town, where she was sure to find someone to hang out with or something to do. The mall. An old but reliable trope, and certainly a great way to kill a few hours, even if it meant sacrificing as many brain cells to the gods of mass marketing and cheesy music.

Of course, she’d only walked around for all of ten minutes when the universe decided “Hey, remember how you said you were bored ten minutes ago? I fixed it for you!” and she rounded the corner to see what she at first assumed to be some kind of hallucination.

It was Schaden, surrounded by people who didn’t immediately want to strangle him. Well, surrounded was a strong word, there were really only three other guys, but still. Soarin was there, with Sandalwood, and a third person Sunset was distinctly surprised to see.

“Flash?” she called, and the boy in question turned to see who was hailing him. His eyes fell on Sunset, and he smiled and waved her over. “What the hell are you doing?” she asked, once she was in conversational range.

“Language, young lady,” Schaden scolded, not turning to look at her.

“I swear to god, Schaden,” she growled.

Flash Sentry waved his hands apologetically. “Hey, hey. No violence. We’re here for the power of love, right bros?!”

“Right!” they all cheered back. Even Schaden.

“...Okay seriously what the hell,” Sunset demanded.

Flash draped an arm over her shoulder and directed her attention to the scene in front of them. It was both very odd and very sweet, as Bulk Biceps was waiting patiently in line to talk to Sonata Dusk, who was manning the counter at a pretzel stand.

Sunset noticed a few things wrong with this scenario, namely the ridiculous size of the bouquet Bulk was hiding behind his back. Literally the only thing keeping Sonata from noticing was the fact that he was built like an Abrams tank. Also she was kind of dense, but given her propensity for getting distracted by shiny objects and pretty colors, it was unlikely she would have missed the obnoxiously bright flower arrangement if she’d seen it.

“I can’t believe you’re all here just watching this,” Sunset groaned.

Soarin looked offended. “Of course we are! This is a great moment in bromantic history! Bros will forever tell of this moment and transcribe it in the Swoliest of Bibles!”

Sunset felt a migraine coming on. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

Flash put a hand over his heart. “A bro does not joke about true love, Sunset. Even the mightiest of bros is entitled to the happiness of romance! We are here as Bulk’s witnesses, nay, his brociples, as he takes a great step forward into the world of manhood and opens his heart for all to bear!”

Sunset wasn’t sure when her words had left her, but she wished them a long and happy life away from this bullshit.

Sandalwood nodded sagely. “Agreed. We are here to offer our strength and support for our friend as he parts the waters of trepidation like Broses in search of the distant shores of love! In the name of Fixer Christ, amen.”

“Amen,” the boys agreed.

The boys all inhaled sharply as the line in front of the pretzel stand moved forward, until the only thing between Bulk and Sonata was a poorly-built countertop and an out-of-date cash register. Bulk gave a sideways glance to where his bros were hiding, as they all gave him a thumbs-up: the universal sign of bromotional support. “This is a beautiful moment in brostory,” Schaden whispered, leaning on the pillar and watching intently. “He is the Bromeo to her Juliet, starcrossed lovers from faraway lands destined to find each other, brought together by an un-bro-kable bond.”

“You know Romeo and Juliet were only together three days and like half a dozen people died, right?” Sunset sighed. She was quickly shushed as the boys tried to focus on what was happening.

They were too far away to hear what their friend was saying, but it seemed to be going well; he’d brought out the flowers, and Sonata had smiled, and they seemed to be talking amicably. There was a tension in the air as Sonata took the bouquet and stashed it… somewhere, then returned to talk to Biceps. There was some more muted conversation, then Bulk walked off, waving behind him with a small as he approached his brodience.

“Well, well?!” Soarin demanded, as Bulk joined the group.

Biceps didn’t say anything, but he held up the palm of his hand, where Sonata had written her phone number. There were cheers and a rousing chorus of “Bros! Bros! Bros!” as the boys, sans Schaden, hauled Biceps onto their shoulders and stormed down the mall with him.

Sunset stood, mouth agape, as the three boys hauled their friend off into the crowds. She turned to Schaden with little more than an exasperated sigh. “Why?” she asked weakly. “I thought you were getting garden supplies.”

Schaden shrugged. “Bros before hoes.”

And Now, the Moment You've All Been Waiting For...

This was it. Finally, the Fall Formal had arrived. Sunset Shimmer was a bundle of nerves for a bundle of reasons. Not the least of which being that she had quietly and privately staked her entire social life on the outcome of tonight’s party. Or, at least, she had done so in her mind. In reality it was likely that if anything went wrong at the dance it wasn’t going to be because Sunset let someone pick the wrong color flowers to decorate the tables with. There was still only one Rarity in this world, after all.

Of course, there were two Twilights. One who had been a great big help in setting up for the Fall Formal, and another who had taken a short-notice vacation to another dimension that amounted to little more than playing video games and trying not to be in the same place as the human Twilight in public. Which, given ‘human’ Twilight’s newfound social life, boyfriend, and part-time job, was rather difficult.

Fortunately for ‘pony’ Twilight, everyone at the school now knew about their being two of her, and had no qualms with both of them attending the Fall Formal. For ‘human’ Twi, it was a big social event and a great chance to spend time with her friends, and dance with her boyfriend, who she’d brought as her date. For ‘pony’ Twi, it was a special anniversary of a very important event; making fiends with Sunset Shimmer and introducing the Magic of Friendship to a whole new group of friends.

Which would have been just fine and dandy if ‘human’ Twilight’s boyfriend didn’t keep confusing the two. Not to mention ‘pony’ Twilight’s date, Flash Sentry, also seemed to be having issues. ‘Human’ Twilight really should have worn glasses instead of contacts tonight.

Sunset herself hadn’t brought a date, instead deciding to go in a group with her friends. In fact, the only other girl in the Rainbooms with a date was Rainbow Dash, who had (much to Rarity’s annoyance), shown up on Soarin’s arm. It wasn’t to say Rarity had any affection for the boy. Much to the contrary, she barely registered him as a passing acquaintance. No, her ire lie in the fact that Rainbow Dash of all people got a date to the Formal when she did not.

“I swear, Sunset, she’s doing this just to annoy me,” Rarity whined, as the girls sans Rainbow and the Twilights all gathered around a table to chat for a moment.

“No, I don’t think so. She’s probably just looking to get laid. If she wanted to annoy you she’d have taken someone completely off-type just to prove a point, then get bored five minutes in and be sitting here with us,” Sunset argued. “No, that is someone going something just to annoy you,” she growled, jabbing a thumb in the direction of one of the buffet tables. The girls turned as one to see Schadenfreude carefully stacking cups next to the punch bowl, then pressing down on the top just a little too hard so they all stuck together. “Hold on, let me go get him before he gets to the silverware.”

Sunset excused herself from the table, and marched over to Schaden, who was just about to do something untoward to a platter of baked salmon. “Schaden, what the hell are you doing?”

Freude looked up and smiled, leaving the fish alone for now. “Oh, hi Sunset! I got bored, so I was just going to switch the names on all the food platters.”

Shimmer felt an eye twitch. “Are you kidding?! What if someone has a food allergy?!”

Schaden rolled his eyes. “Oh please, not with each other! I had special tags made!” he said cheerfully.

“Of. Fucking. Course you did. Alright, let me see them,” she demanded, holding out a hand.

Schaden reached into his pocket and pulled out a stack of professional-looking placeholder cards done in the same font as the ones that were already laid out. Instead of ‘Baked Salmon’ and ‘Garlic-Roasted Cod’, however, they had names like ‘Oven-Toasty Glub Glub’ and ‘Anti-Vampire Fishsticks’. She felt a grin force its way onto her face, and finally gave up laughing as she reached the tag meant for the friend chicken, which read ‘Deep Fried Flap-Flap’.

“Ok, ok! Fine!” Sunset conceded when she’d finished laughing. “Just… make sure people know what’s in them it it was liked, cooked with peanuts or something, ok? Last thing I need is some kid with an allergy going into anaphylactic shock because I gave you a pass.”

“It’s like you didn’t even read the dessert tags,” Schaden said, looking slightly put out. For half a second. “Relax, Shimsham, I didn’t make tags for everything. Only the ones I could come up with half-decent jokes for. It’ll be fine.”

“The last time you said that I ended up scrubbing the treads of a tire that makes small cars cry on the inside. Now, I can’t help but notice you are distinctly… unsupervised. Where is Derpy?” Sunset asked, looking around for the blonde girl.

“Oh, she’s in the bathroom. Only chance I had to get all these tags out,” Schaden said reasonably. “Now shoo, you have a dance to enjoy and I have at least ten more of these things to swap out before she gets back.”

Sunset roller her eyes, had one last thought about letting Schaden get away with his latest prank, and decided that he wasn’t actually a supervillain and the worst that could happen was someone getting their undies in a twist because they weren’t keen on eating ‘Thinly Sliced Sea Kittens’, aka the catfish.

She rejoined the table just as Dash and Soarin took a seat. “So what was that about?” Applejack demanded, nodding her head towards the buffet line.

“Probably something I’ll regret later,” Sunset groaned, still smiling. “How are you girls doing?”

“We’re ok,” Fluttershy said quietly, although the group looked a little less than ok.

“Come on, what’s wrong?” Sunset said encouragingly.

Pinkie Pie groaned. “They’re all mopey cause last year we all went as a group and we did the singles thing but now like three of us have dates and they don’t think it’s as much fun when you’re single and your friends aren’t and I think it’s totally silly it’s a party and you should be dancing anyway and what the actual oatmeal cream pie is Bulk Biceps doing with Sonata Dusk?!”

The girls all took a second to catch up to the end of the sentence, and followed Pinkie’s gaze to the front doors, where Bulk was leading Sonata by the arm into the room, as a rousing chorus of ‘Bros, Bros, Bros!’ filled the air. Even Soarin and Schaden were chanting, much to Bulk’s embarrassment.

“Wow,” Sunset said. “Can’t believe they pulled that off.”

“You and me both, Shimmer,” said a familiarly snide voice behind her.

Sunset looked over her shoulder and sighed. “Hello, Adagio.”

...The Grand Finale! (Or, the Finale, at least)

“Sunset,” Adagio said curtly. She was sporting an off-the-shoulder purple ballgown that made it relatively obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra. “I understand you may or may not know something about… that,” she spat, pointing a finger in the direction of Sonata and Bulk, who were currently making a valiant attempt to dance, as people gave them a respectable amount of room to do so.

Sunset looked over her shoulder at the couple, and raised an eyebrow. “They look cute together. Bulk’s a big sweety, anyways. Looks fine to me.”

The eldest siren sister rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, they’re adorable. Also yes, he’s a giant hunk of man meat with a heart of gold, Sonata could do worse, yada yada. I don’t care. What I do care about is the fact that my sister, my youngest sister, a girl who’s head is so far in the clouds they installed a metal plate to bounce satellite signals off of, somehow has a boyfriend-slash-date-slash-dance partner.”

“….aannnnnnnnnd?” Sunset asked slowly.

“And I do not.”

Sunset Smirked. “And?”

“Sunset, you can’t possibly be so dense as to realize that someone who prides themselves on wrapping boys around her finger the way I do can possibly sit back and let my little sister, darling and stupid as she may be, show me up in front of half the school,” Adagio growled.

Then Sunset had a moment. A brief, shining moment. An epiphany, as it were. It might be because of how much time she’d had to spend with him lately, or maybe it was just because she’d just come off a conversation with him, but suddenly, Sunset had a sense of…. Schadenfreude. Here was Adagio Dazzle, a self-made It-Girl who had tried to split up her friends and take over the world, really rather a mirror image of the girl Sunset used to be, standing around whining about the fact that her little sister was more romantically successful than she. A sense of elation bubbled up within Sunset as she realized that not only was this brief moment of distress for her antagonist both cathartic and enjoyable, but she could actually make it better.

For herself, not Adagio. “And?”

“And I want to know what you had to do with it, and how you intend to fix this!”

“And?” Sunset repeated. The other girls at the table gave her a variety of looks, most of which bordered on mischievous and approving.

“And I swear to god if you don’t get off your ass and help me find a date that will show up my dear little sister I will make your life a living hell, Sunset!” Adagio growled.

“...and?”

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” Adagio howled, and stormed off.

There was a moments silence before the table of girls erupted into a fit of giggles, as Rainbow clapped her on the back. Soarin just looked kind of amused. ‘Maybe not a lot upstairs for that one, Sunset thought to herself.

Then the chatter was interrupted by something else. Slow clapping. Sunset turned her head to see Schaden and Derpy walking up to the table, each taking a seat. “I have to say, Sunset,” Schaden laughed. “That was well executed. A classic move, for sure, but well played. I may make a horrible human being out of you yet.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Sunset groaned, though she was smiling. “Although I gotta admit I understand you a little better. That was fun. Is that what it’s like for you, every day? That… sense of pride and joy, watching someone else flail uselessly in rage at something stupid?”

“A thousand percent, all the time. It’s what gets me up in the morning,” he said, nodding enthusiastically.

“I still don’t get it,” Derpy sighed. ”It just seems kind of mean to me. But at least you’re not like, hurting anyone.”

Then a shriek came from the buffet table. “OH MY GOD WHO KILLED A SEA KITTEN THAT’S HORRIBLE!”

Schaden just sat in place and smiled as Sunset rubbed her forehead. “This is the part where I regret everything about you, isn’t it?”

“Mmmmmmmmaybe.”

The rest of the night, despite Sunset’s deepest fears, was relatively enjoyable. The girls who hadn’t come with a date either danced with each other or just mingled with their friends. The food was nice (even if Schaden did get chewed out by a chaperone for the tags. In fact, ESPECIALLY because of that), the music was good, and Scootaloo’s annual Chicken Dance went off without a hitch.

They were all getting ready to go home, piling into their cars and waving goodbye in the parking lot, when Schaden approached Sunset one last time. Shimmer looked over his shoulder at Derpy, who waved happily from the driver’s seat of Schaden’s much more reasonable and less monstrous BMW. “What’s up, Schaden.”

“Just wanted to say good job, boss. I know I’m a pain in the ass, but you did good. Dance was great, and nobody killed each other. Also no one tried to take over the world, so that’s nice,” he added, with a knowing smirk.

“Gee thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. And hey, I know you were doing this to like, restore your reputation, or whatever, but honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Why not? I mean, there are still a bunch of people who hate me, and-”

“And they aren’t going to change their minds because you remembered to serve the Baked Salmon with lemon and had a key lime pie instead of chocolate cake. Seriously, people who make a conscious decision to hate someone and stick with it aren’t worth the time. There are a bunch of people here who hate me, Sunset, but I still have a great life. I have a girlfriend, a good home life, and yes, I even have friends.” He paused, and almost as an afterthought, called over his shoulder, “BROS BROS BROS!”

To which a small crowd of guys on the other side of the lot, including Bulk, Soarin, and Flash, all chanted back, “BROS BROS BROS!”

Sunset tilted her head in disbelief, but said nothing. Instead, Schaden pushed on. “Life is full of people who are going to hate you. The trick is to ignore them and focus on the ones that don’t. You have plenty of friends, Sunset. Don’t forget about the people that care about you because you’re worried about the people who don’t.”

Shimmer looked impressed. “I have to say, Freude, that was pretty profound, coming from you. So… thanks. I’ll see you on Monday, then?”

“What, are you planning on disappearing into magical horseworld between now and then?” Schaden laughed.

“Well, I actually do need to take pony Twilight home, so yes. But I’ll be back in time for school,” she added.

“Ok, good. Well, I better get going. Derpy has a curfew and it’s probably a good idea if I’m not here in the next two minutes,” he explained mysteriously.

Before Sunset could ask why, he’d climbed into his car and started the engine. With one last wave, he said goodbye to everyone and drove off.

“You ok?” said a voice behind Sunset. She turned to see Twilight on the other side of the car.

“Yeah. It’s been a good night, but I want to go home.”

“Yes, please,” Twilight sighed. They opened the doors to Sunset’s car-

-and everything went to hell with a FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE as the air filled with more glitter and confetti than Sunset had ever seen in her life.

“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT SCHADENFREUDE!”

Author's Note

And we're done here! DOn't worry, I have plenty more adventures ready for our snarky SoB Mr. von Douchehorse, but for now, here's the last chapter. Hope you enjoyed it!

He's Not Letting Up, Folks!

The next Monday was, for all intents and purposes, exactly like every other school day. Having come off a rather fun and annoyingly short weekend, Sunset found herself a bit lethargic as she made her way to her first class. She’d made some headway over the last couple of days in the planning department, having secured a tentative reservation at the Pier and, excluding Friday night, hadn’t heard from Schaden all weekend. Overall, she was in a pretty decent mood.

A good mood that indeed, carried her through her first few classes of the day, and into lunch.=, where she met her first major obstacle: for some horrible reason, Schaden was sitting at the lunch table with her friends. “Schaden,” she said simply as she took a seat.

The only boy present nodded with a small smile, then turned back to Pinkie Pie, who he’d been chatting with up to now. “So I know the dinner menu is pretty easy, given the nautical theme, I mean, if we settle on that, but what kind of desserts do you serve with fish?”

“Something that’s like, citrus-y or kinda sour, you know? Fish is a reeeaaaalllly light food, unless you’re talking a fry or something, so you totes don’t wanna serve a heavy dessert with it! We could do something like a sorbet or a key lime pie!” Pinkie explained excitedly.

Sunset tore her attention away for a moment and looked to the other girls. AJ and Dash were currently engaged in their own conversation, something about the Homecoming game, while Rarity and Fluttershy were talking formal wear. Well, Rarity was talking, Fluttershy just seemed to be nodding politely and smiling as her friend rambled on.

Seeing the only other person at the table who wasn’t neck-deep in conversation was Twilight, who was sitting to her left, Sunset nudged her with an elbow. “What is he doing here?” she hissed.

Twilight shrugged. “Not sure. He and Pinkie Pie walked in together and have been talking ever since. Pretty sure they have third period together. He’s been harmless, don’t worry.”

“Oh, he’s always harmless,” Sunset conceded. “But that isn’t mutually exclusive from being an annoying pain in the ass.”

“True,” Twilight agreed, “But he hasn’t been that, either.”

“Hmm...” Sunset said thoughtfully. She kept an eye on Schaden as she ate.

Which he noticed, of course. “You alright, Sunset? You’re kinda giving me the fish-eye, there.”

Pinkie snorted. “Hee-hee, fish-eye.”

“Just… don’t do anything weird, ok? It’s been a good day so far. Don’t need you Schadening up the place,” she warned.

Schaden rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, Sunset. I’m not always up to something fishy.” Pinkie laughed even louder.

“Wha- oh I get it, haha. Fish menu, fish puns. Wonderful. It’s not even Mon… day. Oh come on!” Sunset protested, seeing the smirk on Schaden’s face.

“I think you mean ‘Punday’,” he offered.

“No, no we are not doing this,” Sunset growled.

“Getting a little salty, are we?” Pinkie snorted again, leaning on Rarity as she laughed.

“Schaden, I swear to god...”

“Oh, fine, I’ll reel it in a little.” There were a few groans from her friends, as they started paying attention to the spat in front of them.

“Schaden,” Sunset groaned.

“I just thought it’d be harder to bait you than that,” Freude continued, amidst growing protests from the other girls. Indeed, the only one seemingly amused by his bad jokes was Pinkie, who had long since given up trying to sit up straight and was lying on her back in the booth laughing up a storm.

“Stoppit,” Sunset snapped.

“Oh, don’t be so crabby Shimmer!” he retorted gleefully. “I’m just squidding around.”

“Oh, my god, he’s awful,” Twilight moaned, burying her head in her hands.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “I told you.”

“I sea you’ve been telling tails about me,” Schaden said with a smug grin on his face.

“Oh my god, please make him stop,” Dash whined, her head leaning back till she was staring at the ceiling.

“Why? He’s super funny!” Pinkie insisted. “His jokes are really up to scale!” she added, dissolving into a fit of giggles again.

“Oh, not you too!” Sunset moaned.

“Are you really surprised?” Schaden asked. “She’s up to her gills in bad jokes.”

“I’m gonna throw you out with the tide Schaden,” Sunset growled.

“Aww, see? That’s the spirit!” Schaden encouraged. “You always were one to tackle things head on.”

AJ looked at Sunset somewhat disapprovingly. “Yer not really gonna start in now too, are ya?”

“I don’t think she can help it!” Pinkie exclaimed. “She’s hooked.”

Another round of groans rose from the table as Sunset followed Twilight’s lead and hid her head in her hands. “I hate you so much, Schaden.”

“I’ve heard that line before.”

“AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.”