The Dark Art of the Dress

by MagnetBolt

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8446

It was only a dress. A nice dress, to be sure. Very nice. Perfect, even. It definitely wasn't an evil artifact.

Rarity is good at making dresses. In fact, she's the best. But even she didn't know that her latest dress would be more than the fashion sensation of the season.

Now she was going to have to add wing-holes to all her outfits, and everypony seems worried about her latest creation.

Published 2018-02-24 23:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-24 23:00:06 UTC

Measure Twice, Cut Once, Regret Nothing

Rarity was used to working through the night. In truth, she slept very little these days. Between managing several boutiques, working on orders that needed her personal touch (or where the client had paid well enough to get that touch anyway), and working on personal projects...

Rarity drained her coffee mug for the sixth time that night. It was getting dangerously close to dawn, but she was driven by a powerful creative urge, and feared she'd never recapture the stroke of brilliance flooding her now, her hooves shaking from caffeine and exhaustion as she finished a seam and... realized there weren't any more seams to finish. She'd finished.

The unicorn stepped back, and nearly fainted.

It was perfect. Perfect in every way.

Rarity’s legs collapsed under her from exhaustion at the same time the world surged and a great swell of magic swept her across the worlds.

“Rarity...”

Rarity muttered something and swatted at the air as a soft touch ruffled her mane.

“Rarity.”

“Just resting my eyes...” Rarity said, her mouth forming the words independently of any conscious decision.

The other pony paused, looked around for a few moments, then leaned down to whisper right into Rarity's ear.

“Sweetie Belle is making you breakfast in bed.”

Rarity shot to her hooves, pure adrenaline surging into her veins and almost stopping her heart, terror filling her to overflowing, five gallons of fear in a one-gallon pony, her head slamming into something that stumbled back in surprise.

“SWEETIE BELLE NO!” Rarity gasped, looking around for the flames and smoke, trying to remember if one was supposed to roll, stop, and drop, or if another order was preferred.

A white wing wrapped around her.

“I'm sorry for waking you so rudely, but we don't have much time.”

Rarity looked up, and her system almost collapsed again in shock.

“Princess Celestia? What are you doing in my bedroom?” She asked. Then she looked around, things starting to come into focus for the first time. “This isn't my bedroom.”

She was somewhere indistinct, everything made of light and mist and fading when she wasn't looking right at it, like the place was only really real when she was paying attention, and even then it was only a facade of reality.

“Rarity, you have achieved something truly great,” Celestia said, her snout already developing a bruise from Rarity’s headbutt. “Everypony has a creative spark within themselves, but you have nurtured it into a flame that warms the hearts of all those around you and reminds them of how great they can be. You're an inspiration to all those around you, in more ways than one.”

“What is this place?” Rarity asked, looking around.

“This is the Aethereal plane,” Celestia said. She gestured with her wing, and Rarity saw slices of her life, like faucets of a crystal, illuminating the mist around them.

“It's so beautiful...”

“That's because your life is beautiful,” Celestia said. “You made your life into one of service to others, with poise and grace. You sacrificed for others and worked to make the world better than you left it.”

Rarity hesitated. “Princess, forgive me for asking, but, ah, all this talk about my life, and especially that last part where you mention leaving the world. I know I've been pushing myself rather harshly...”

Celestia laughed lightly. “You're not dead, Rarity.”

“Oh thank...” Rarity paused. “Thank you.”

“I don't get offended when ponies use my name to swear,” Celestia assured her. “Though it is uncomfortable when they reference specific parts of my body that I'd rather not be referenced.”

“Ah yes,” Rarity coughed. “I can see how that would be troubling.”

“Rarity, you're here because you earned this. You've been chosen by the magic of Harmony itself to become an alicorn, because you understand yourself and your talent in a way very few other ponies do.”

“You mean...” Rarity gasped, her eyes gleaming.

“I'm so proud of you.” Celestia smiled down at her, her expression teasing. “Princess~”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Rarity said. “If becoming an alicorn is about understanding yourself and your magic completely, how is it that Flurry Heart was born an alicorn? Is there some kind of predestination-”

“Looks like our time is up!” Celestia said, backing away as light surrounded Rarity.

“Could you just give me a quick-”

“Remember to stick the landing!”

“What landing?!”

The early morning light over Ponyville's marketplace abruptly shifted towards the blue and fabulous side of the spectrum as a new star lit up the sky with a blinding nova. There was a graceful tinkling sound, followed by less graceful screaming as Rarity rematerialized several hundred feet over town square.

Rarity was able to gauge her altitude with surprising accuracy, not least because she had a significant amount of experience with falling from a height that would lead to certain death upon the short but inevitable stop at the end of such a drop. She was, therefore, able to tell that sticking the landing wouldn't be difficult because she would be very sticky indeed, likely a fine paste given the durability of the cobblestone road under her.

Rainbow Dash saw the light from miles away. Just as Rarity had quite a bit of experience with being a unicorn falling from the sky, Rainbow Dash had experience with saving said unicorn.

She shot away from the cloud she was helping push into place without a word, calculating the right angle and speed to hit Rarity from the side and cancel their momentum. Not that she'd be able to articulate what she was doing – the pegasus was running purely on instinct and would have stopped paying attention even to herself the moment anypony mentioned force vectors.

Rarity took a moment while falling – she had a few of them to spend given the sheer length of the fall and, frankly, anything was better than contemplating her untimely demise – to notice that she had some additional limbs. Her wings, which had been clamped to her sides, moved just a little, then her feathers caught the wind and instincts she hadn't possessed several minutes ago sprung to life.

Rainbow Dash sped just over the rooftops, glass panes shaking in their windowframes in her wake. It was going to be close.

Rarity's wings popped open, catching the wind and slowing her fall.

Rainbow Dash zipped right under her, Rarity's sudden change in speed throwing off her attempt to save the pony. She looked back, confused and afraid. Looking back, unfortunately, was not a good response when moving at near-sonic speed in a crowded environment.

Rarity almost fell out of the air as the turbulence caught her, fighting to stabilize herself like a foal thrown into the deep end of a pond struggling to keep her head above water. She was gliding, actually starting to level out, but the ground was coming up quickly and she was wobbling uncontrollably.

Dash hit the side of the post office and went through the open window, a plume of letters exploding into the air.

Rarity's hooves hit the ground and she started to skid, delicate and polished hooves not finding purchase until a dip in the road turned the smooth skid into a near-tumble. She tripped over her own hooves, wings flapping on their own and taking her half into the air again (the last place she wanted to be), and she ended up spinning in place as one hoof caught on a raised stone, standing on tip-toe like a ballerina.

Rainbow Dash groaned and sat up, looking into golden eyes that didn't quite meet hers, at least not both eyes at once.

Rarity got all four hooves under herself, taking a lesson from her cat and trying to look like everything had happened as intended, despite the screaming and the rough landing that had taken her across the entire town square before she'd stopped herself.

“Nailed it,” she whispered to herself.

“I don't see why I should apologize,” Rarity said, when the initial panic and traditional rioting had subsided and she'd been whisked away by Twilight Sparkle to her Adamant Fortress of Unity, or whatever she was calling it this week as she searched through thesauruses for the right words to apply to a building that most in Ponyville tried to ignore lest it increase their property taxes even more than it already had.

Rainbow Dash glared at her, adjusting the ice pack on her head that was slowly but steadily helping with the swelling, though it was going to take longer for the ink to come out of her fur. She'd slammed right into a stamp with her forehead and her bruises currently read 'return to sender'.

Rarity sighed.

“Thank you for trying to save me,” she said, eventually. “I'm so sorry that I managed to save myself and- no, this is silly!” Rarity huffed.

“No, what's silly is that y'all apparently get wings for makin' some fancy dress,” Applejack said. “You sure you didn't accidentally save Equestria from some Elder Evil while we weren't lookin'?”

“Of course not!” Rarity said.

Then she paused and thought, hoof rubbing her chin.

“I mean, probably not. They sort of all run together after a few years, Darling. But I'm sure that if there was an outer being of unfathomable evil I'd have brought all of you along.”

She paused again.

“And it's a very nice dress.”

“I've run the tests three times,” Twilight said. “And even if I hadn't, Princess Celestia sent a scroll a few minutes ago to confirm it. Rarity really is an alicorn, and not a changeling, golem, or simulacrum.”

“You know, it's funny,” Pinkie Pie said, looking thoughtful. “I thought if any of us was going to become an alicorn it would be Rainbow Dash or Applejack.”

“Tell me about it,” Dash groaned. “I lost fifty bits in the betting pool!”

“Who did you have money on?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Me, obviously,” Dash snorted. “I’ve got this awesome trick planned out, and I don’t like to brag, but I’ll probably need magic lessons soon.”

“Girls, I think that we're really getting away from the important thing here,” Twilight said. “And that's congratulating Rarity! We've got a week to plan the coronation-”

“Just enough time for a pre-coronation post-alicornation party!” Pinkie Pie added.

“Um...” Fluttershy looked around. “Is anypony else curious about the dress?”

“It's a very nice dress,” Rarity attested.

“I'm just curious about how good a dress has to be to warrant immortality and cosmic power,” Fluttershy said. “I'm pretty good at knitting...”

“That's a good idea, girls,” Twilight nodded. “Let's go take a look.”

Twilight closed the door to the sewing room, sweat dripping down her face.

“We have to lock it up,” she said, after a moment. “It's perfect. Perfect in every way.”

“That's rather the point of the thing,” Rarity said, raising an eyebrow.

“Rarity, it's not just good. It's not just great. It's perfect. All other dresses are just imperfect shadows of the ultimate ur-dress that you created. It isn't something that belongs in this world. It's an ideal form that does not belong in our imperfect existence!”

“...Twilight, it's a dress,” Rarity said, slowly. “I know that I've worked hard to impress upon you the importance of elegant clothing, but you're overreacting. Thankfully, I know what to do. We'll just get you to the fainting couch and give you several gallons of ice cream and a fat-burning spell for later and everything will be just fine.”

“Applejack and Fluttershy are already using the fainting couch,” Twilight said. “They were unlucky enough to see it before Rainbow Dash turned off the light. The shock to their systems-”

“They're fine! Just... overwhelmed by the beauty of the thing!”

“If Rainbow Dash's vision wasn't still blurry from her untreated concussion we'd all have ended up like them,” Twilight said. “Dash, how are you feeling?”

Rarity looked to where Rainbow Dash was sitting in front of a rack of dresses, blankly staring at the fabric and whispering something to herself over and over again.

“She's fine,” Rarity said. “And what about Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “It's a nice dress.”

“If I use a spell of temporary blindnesss I should be able to pack it securely for transport to Canterlot. One of the restricted archives,” Twilight sighed. “Then I can try memory modification spells on Applejack and Fluttershy-”

“IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!” Rainbow Dash shouted, snapping out of her near-catatonia.

“It's going to be a long day,” Twilight groaned.

“Thank you for coming, Princess Luna,” Twilight said.

“Twas the least I could do,” Luna said. She looked at the tea Twilight had made, wondering how she could broach the subject that she would prefer coffee. “I have some experience with dangerous artifacts, and according to my sister I have no appreciation for beauty.”

“Hah,” Twilight said, smiling. Her smile faded as Luna continued.

“Of course she would not know true beauty if it bit her on the flank, and beauty ‘twould have quite a large target to hit if it wanted to attempt it.” Luna growled. “As if my night sky is not a hundred, nay, a thousand times more grand than anything she's...”

Luna coughed, suddenly self-aware of the fact she had started shouting in the Royal Canterlot Voice, largely because Twilight had taken cover behind something sturdy.

“I apologize,” Luna said. “So, the dress?”

Twilight crept out of cover and led Luna down the hallway to a secure room. It was secure because, despite not having a lock, Twilight had put up a sign that very clearly said 'No Unauthorized Entry* (*Except in emergencies, please use your own recognizance when determining if an emergency warrants opening this door or not)'.

“I had to move it here myself,” she said. “Spike and Starlight are helping the others recover, but only Rarity and I seem to be immune to the effects.” Twilight was being very generous about saying she was immune. She was, at least, able to look at it without immediately going mad.

She swung the door open, and Luna looked critically into the darkened room. The dress hung on a poniquin, and only that kept it from being a lethal hazard – the most perfect dress would have been even greater when being worn by a model, though of course it was still immeasurably greater than any other dress even now.

“Ah,” Luna said, after a moment. She stared for a long, silent moment. Then a longer, silenter moment. Then Twilight got worried and waved a hoof in front of her eyes, and Luna snapped out of it, blinking and looking away lest she be entranced again.

“What should we do?” Twilight asked.

“Maybe...” Luna licked her lips. “I could try wearing it. Just to see what it looks like...”

“Luna...”

“Just for a little while. At the Gala, perhaps. I could wear it and they would see how beautiful and grand I am, and how my sister is only a pale reflection-”

“Luna!”

Luna's eyes went wide and she slammed the door shut.

“It's a very nice dress,” Luna said, her mouth dry.

“Starlight Glimmer can't get within fifty paces of it,” Twilight said. “She starts laughing uncontrollably about making them all pay and how Sunburst will love her and despair. Rarity is completely immune to its effects.”

“Of course she is,” Luna shrugged. “All creators can see only the flaws in their creation, even one without a fault.”

“What do we do?”

“Well, the usual thing is to seal it up for a thousand years and then somepony else will deal with it,” Luna said. “We'll spread some legends about it and then eventually the problem will be solved without us having to raise a hoof.”

“I- what?”

“You're a Princess, Twilight. This is how we Princesses deal with issues we create.” Luna looked around. Solid crystal walls, in the middle of a castle, no windows, it was already fairly close to a vault, even if the mop and bucket spoke to its original purpose. “Do you think we can just seal this room off for a millennium or so?”

“I can try changing the sign to be more strongly worded.”

“Does the door lock?”

“...No.”

“We'll put it somewhere else.”

“I think that should do it,” Starlight said, stepping away from Fluttershy. She'd saved her for last assuming that the pegasus would have been the most psychologically vulnerable, but she'd actually started to come out of it on her own by the time Starlight had finished with Applejack.

“I've seen some pretty awful things in Discord's realm,” Fluttershy explained. “There were these stairs that went up and down at the same time...”

“All stairs do that, depending on which way you're going.”

“Not like those stairs,” Fluttershy whispered.

“I mean yes, it's the most perfect dress ever made, but I don't see why it's causing all these reactions,” Rarity huffed. “You'd swear I'd created some kind of evil artifact instead of a garment.”

“You did,” Starlight muttered.

“Yeah well, I didn't think my headache could get any worse but now I feel like my brain is gonna come out of my ears if I move too quickly and Applejack can't say anything except 'apples',” Rainbow Dash said.

“Apples,” Applejack agreed, sadly.

“That'll wear off in a few hours,” Starlight whispered, apologetically.

“I know you'd never make an evil artifact on purpose,” Spike said, because he was there too. He continued to be there for the rest of the narrative but had nothing else important to say, and will be ignored.

“Thank you, Spike,” Rarity said, calming down enough that her wings unfluffed a little. “I suppose it's just... it's my greatest achievement and part of me feels like it's unappreciated.”

“Rarity, from what little I can remember through the veil of shadows and blurry images that are all my mortal mind can hold onto, it was a beautiful dress,” Fluttershy said, smiling.

“That means a lot to me,” Rarity said, hugging her.

“Also it's very nice that you're a Princess now,” Fluttershy continued. “I've been meaning to ask Twilight about changing some of the tax laws and disability payments, but she's always so busy with something else.”

“Change the tax laws...” Rarity whispered. “I wonder if I could make myself tax-exempt...”

“Apples apples apples?” Applejack asked.

“Sorry AJ, Twilight said that'd be nepotism,” Rainbow Dash answered. “Trust me, I already asked.”

“Apples,” Applejack swore.

“Has anypony seen Pinkie Pie?” Spike asked, unexpectedly returning to the narrative despite the previous note about his silent presence. It was a very good question, though, and worrying, even to the prose, which checked its commas and indefinite clauses just in case Pinkie Pie had somehow gotten into them.

“She ran off to start getting your party together,” Dash said. “I wonder why the dress didn't mess her up...”

“Apples apples apples, apples. Apples? Apples apples!” Applejack said, laughing.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Dash agreed.

“How do you even know what she's saying?” Starlight asked.

“Eh, you know,” Dash shrugged, not answering the question at all.

Rarity had been admittedly nonplussed by the reactions, or lack thereof, of her friends, but Pinkie Pie had more than made up for it.

The party she'd put together stretched from one end of town to the other, the pink pony pulling out all of her emergency party supplies for a bash that would be nearly as big – no, even bigger – than the one she'd thrown for Roseluck finally overcoming her phobia of crowds and loud noises. No one had seen Roseluck since about five minutes into that party, but her therapist assured everypony that she'd eventually recover.

“I do love the décor,” she told Pinkie, motioning to the bunting that stretched from one building to another in an improbably-long, almost perfect line of purple, white holiday lights wrapped around them like a field of tiny stars over the field of violet. The hovering balloons and constant rain of glittering confetti made it almost dreamlike.

She considered just asking where the glitter was coming from, and why it didn't seem to actually land on anything, but feared that Pinkie might have an answer.

“After Twilight, I made plans just in case any of us got to be princesses,” Pinkie explained. “I think I'll need to adjust them a little bit, though. I didn't have nearly enough time to finish baking.”

Rarity looked at the tables full of food.

“I was supposed to have a croquembouche, but I didn't have the time,” Pinkie said.

“I'll try to give you more warning if it happens again,” Rarity assured her.

“But then you'd become some kind of... double alicorn.” Pinkie rubbed her chin. “What would that look like? Would you have four wings? Or extra horns?”

“I barely know what to do with two wings,” Rarity said, trying to adjust them. “Which reminds me. I know I told Rainbow Dash I was never going to apologize to her again, but I think she was unfortunately completely right about my dresses being too restricting and not aerodynamic enough.”

“Doesn't that dress have a corset?”

“If I have to choose between a good silhouette and being able to breathe, I will choose the former every time.”

“So what are you gonna do once you're a princess?” Pinkie asked.

“Likely the same thing I do now, though with considerably less need to ask for invitations to events.” Rarity shrugged. “Twilight certainly didn't have to do much except show up when a royal presence was required. With any luck I’ll be invited to judge fashion and beauty competitions so I can finally tell ponies what I really think about their poorly-made copies of my designs.”

“Are you gonna talk to Princess Celestia and Luna?” Pinkie asked, looking over at where the two princesses were standing, the crowd giving them some room, though it was mostly because of the guards keeping a perimeter around them than out of respect.

“Oh, no, they look like they’re discussing something, and I wouldn’t want to disturb them,” Rarity said. “It’s probably something of national importance.”

“The party is fine,” Luna said. She looked at the cupcake she was holding in her aura, trying to determine exactly what flavor it was and why that flavor existed. “Rather restrained for something planned by Miss Pie.”

“It's candy corn and lavender,” Celestia said, nodding to the cake Luna was examining.

Luna would have questioned that, but her sister was the expert.

“I was thinking of asking Rarity about becoming our ambassador to Zanzebra Land,” Celestia said. “She handles herself extremely well, and I trust she could memorize the many, many rules of etiquette when dealing with them.”

“Why is it candy corn and lavender?” Luna asked, ignoring the small talk her sister was trying to make. “It doesn't make sense. I can understand lavender to some extent. But candy corn? And the two in combination?”

“It's good though,” Celestia noted.

“That's not the point,” Luna protested. “What happened to vanilla, or chocolate, or... what was that flavor you used to like? Nutmeg?”

“The same thing that happened to eating grass. Ponies still enjoy it from time to time but a more refined palette has developed over time.”

“I do not think candy corn qualifies as refined in any way.”

“On the contrary, Luna, it’s almost entirely refined. Refined sugar.”

Luna’s eyes narrowed.

Celestia snorted and laughed at her own joke, unable to keep her serious expression.

“On the moon I would have you executed for that pun.”

“It’s a good thing we aren’t on the moon.”

“Excuse me, Miss Rarity, Princess Twilight?”

Rarity and Twilight excused themselves from the conversation they were having with Daisy, Roseluck, and Lily Valley about how this wasn’t a sign of an impending apocalypse. They hadn’t made much progress.

“Oh, Mayor Mare,” Twilight said, happy to talk about anything other than the end of the world. “What can we help you with?”

"I apologize for the interruption," Mayor Mare said, her voice strained. "I had a few questions. In fact, I've been sending letters but I haven't gotten a reply."

"Is this about the zoning laws?" Twilight asked. "Because technically the Invincible Redoubt of Togetherness is exempt from the local zoning laws-"

"No, this isn't about that," Mayor Mare sighed. "This is about the last election."

"Oh! Well, I didn't actually cast a vote, because I thought having a Princess vote for any candidate would be showing undue favor."

"I voted," Rarity said. "I think. I can't recall. Wasn't the last election quite a while ago?"

"The last election had exactly two votes cast. One was my own. The other was from the mailmare, and she was only there because she was helping me organize it!"

"That is disturbing," Twilight agreed. "Weren't ponies aware of the date?"

"Oh, they were aware. They just assumed it didn't matter. I went door to door and ponies told me they didn't even need a mayor anymore because they had a princess!" Part of Mayor Mare's carefully-shaped bun popped out of place.

"I'll call a town hall meeting and explain things," Twilight promised. "They'll listen to me."

"Yes, that's precisely the problem!"

"Oh, Twilight, look, the fireworks are starting!" Rarity said.

"We'll have to talk later," Twilight apologized. "You can make an appointment with Spike so it's on my agenda.”

Mayor Mare watched them go and sighed.

"Maybe it's not too late to get a job in Appleoosa."

Later, when the fires were put out, ponies agreed that Pinkie’s fireworks display had been impressive, but employing the Cutie Mark Crusaders to assist with the setup had been a mistake.

Rarity looked at the design she'd sketched out. It was in the top ten dresses she'd ever envisioned, and yet it fell so short of the mark.

She crumpled it up and tossed it aside. All she needed was a dress that was almost as good as... THAT dress, but without the unfortunate side effects. Something second-best. It should have been simple. Rarity was used to toning designs down. Bridesmaids, backup singers, there were always ponies where they needed a nice dress, but one that respectfully stayed away from the center of attention.

Every design she came up with was just terrible, though. She was a font of creative force, and all of it was...

“Horseapples!” Rarity yelled. She knocked a stack of rolled fabric over, starting to pace, wings fluttering at her sides and getting caught on things.

She glared at them. They were impossible to keep clean, they seemed to have a mind of their own, and part of her was subtly sure that Rainbow Dash's were more attractive than hers and that just couldn't be right. Part of her almost wished she'd never become an alicorn (a very small part, so small that scientists would need to develop a new generation of particle accelerators to accurately describe the size of the thing).

“Rarity? Are you here?” A voice called out from downstairs. “I sent you a letter last week, but there was some kind of weird festival going on outside and your friends said I should just talk to you in person and wouldn't explain anything...”

Rarity looked at her calendar, then ran downstairs, trying to look composed.

“Ah, Coco, darling, it's been too long and-”

Coco gasped and knelt.

“I-I didn't know! I'm so sorry, your highness!”

“Coco,” Rarity groaned. “Stand up. You don't have to kneel.” Not for a few more days.

“How did it happen?” Coco asked, eyes full of wonder like endless pools of... wonder. Rarity had been pushing her creativity to the limits and wasn't quite up to the appropriate similes.

“I created something perfect,” Rarity sighed. She held up a hoof. “It's already been taken away. I promise once it's safer, I'll invite to to see it.”

“Safer?”

“Darling I've already had this discussion from the other direction for several hours. Trust me when I say it's how things have to be.” She sighed. “I've just been working on a few designs but nothing is quite striking me.”

“Oh, well... I didn't mean to disturb you when you're busy.” Coco bowed again. Rarity groaned. Coco was blushing when she stood. “Sorry. I just- it's already so overwhelming working with somepony as talented as you and that was before you became royalty!”

“Technically I'm not going to be royalty for a few more days,” Rarity corrected her.

“Rarity, you always told me that appearances were half the job,” Coco said, smiling. “And you've always looked like a princess. The wings just make sure no one can deny it.”

“Oh, well.” Rarity blushed. “Why don't you join me for coffee and tell me how I can help? I'm afraid with all the confusion it's rather slipped my mind.”

“I'd love some coffee,” Coco said. “Do you have a servant or...?”

“No, no. Spike isn't here. He's helping Twilight with paperwork. I think she's inventing more forms than she's actually filling out. Apparently she wants to be prepared for the next time this happens.” Rarity chuckled. “You wait here, darling.”

“I could make the coffee!” Coco protested.

“Sweetie Belle has given me something of a...” Rarity coughed politely. “A concern. Deeply seated concern. Phobia, if I'm being honest, about other ponies in my kitchen. Just wait here and I'll be right back.”

Coco nodded turned to the table, stepping on crumpled paper as she did. She picked it up and smoothed the crumpled edges to reveal a sketch of a pony in a sweeping, winglike dress, somehow full of motion and beauty even as a still image on the page.

“Oh-oh my...” Coco gasped.

“It's trash,” Rarity huffed, returning with coffee cups. “I haven't been able to come up with a single decent design today.”

“This is beautiful!” Coco turned the paper around. “Look at it! It's amazing!”

Rarity shrugged. “Feel free to take it. I'm still looking for the right design.”

“I couldn't just...” Coco shook her head. “I don't want to steal your designs, Rarity.”

“It's not something I plan to make. Here, I'll tell you what-” Rarity giggled and signed the sheet with a flowing sweep of ink, putting Princess in front of her name for the first time. “-there. That might be worth something in a few years.”

Coco blushed. “It's worth something now.”

And they enjoyed coffee, and each other's company.

Rarity made a sound that only certain types of bats could hear as her hooves sank another inch into the surface of the cloud under her.

"I'd like to go home now," she squeaked. Squeaking was as low as she could manage to get her voice, since every part of her body was under incredible tension.

"You said you wanted to learn to fly before your coronation, now you want to go home," Dash groaned. "Look, Twilight managed to cram enough of the basics to get by, you can do the same. We only have like one day to do this."

"I just don't see why we can't do this a little closer to the ground," Rarity hissed, trying to stay perfectly still, sure the cloud would give out under her at any moment. Were the clouds higher near Canterlot? She was sure they didn’t look this high when she was in Ponyville.

"Because you keep falling," Dash said. "I've had to save your life a bunch of times now-"

"Twice! It was only twice! I saved myself the third time, thank you."

"-a bunch of times," Dash repeated. "And I want to make sure I can catch you before you hit the ground. It'll take almost a whole minute for you to hit from here, so that's plenty of time."

"I'm just not sure-"

"You can either try flying with me here to catch you, or I can leave and you'll eventually do it on your own," Dash said. "Now me? If it was my choice I'd do it when I had somepony to help. But I'm not you. Maybe you'd rather fall and figure things out with nopony to judge you on having bad form while you hit the ground at a hundred miles an hour and really give that alicorn immortality a run for its money."

Rarity glared at her.

"Hey, I'm just saying," Dash said, fluttering up and defensively raising her hooves.

"It's not that I care about looking foalish," Rarity said quietly. "I just... I have developed something of a problem with heights after nearly dying several times. It's the same way a pony might learn to, say, fear snakes after being repeatedly bitten by vipers!"

"Right. I got it." Dash nodded. "Confidence problem. Okay. I know how to get over those. You gotta believe in yourself, and the way to do that is to act like you're confident until it's true!"

"That hardly seems-"

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Dash yelled. "SAY IT WITH ME!"

"You can do it," Rarity said, dryly.

"Use the right porn-noun."

"Pronoun. I dearly hope 'porn-noun' isn't a word."

"I CAN DO IT!" Dash yelled, ignoring her.

"You can do it," Rarity repeated.

Dash glared at her.

"Fine. I can do it. Are you happy now?"

"No, because you're not in the air."

"I am fairly sure most ponies would describe where I am as 'in the air.'"

"Rarity, if you cooperate I swear I won't complain next time you stuff me into one of those dresses you make that have so many layers Daring Do has to be called in to dig a pony out of them."

"If I must," Rarity sighed. "I can do it."

"Louder. You gotta believe it!"

"I can do it!"

"Louder!"

"I can do it- shouting really isn't going to help."

"LOUDER!"

"I CAN- AAAAAAAAAA-"

"And there goes the cloud. Should have known it wouldn't last long with the way she was standing on it." Dash watched Rarity fall for a few moments. She yelled down. "BE CONFIDENT!"

It didn't help. She sighed and dove after her.

It was the day before the coronation, and Rarity hadn't come up with anything.

All of her designs were terrible, though ponies that saw them took pity on her and tried to convince her that they were her best work. She'd tried reasoning with them, occasionally lost her temper, given more sketches away to make ponies leave with their prizes clutched to their chests, cried for a while, and eventually accepted that other ponies just didn't have the perspective she did, and one couldn't account for taste.

“Rarity have you seen the news?” Spike asked, waving a newspaper.

He was such a dear, coming over to try and cheer her up every morning. Rarity was glad they were such good friends. Not like Bon-Bon and Lyra, but actually friends. The kind that didn't sleep together and had no romantic interaction.

She reminded herself that she really needed to push him a little harder towards dating among his own species, age range, or at least height.

“It's all about you!” Spike said, holding it still so she could read the headlines.

[Princess Rarity's Designs Take Manehattan by Storm!]

“Coco made a few dresses based on your sketches and they're really popular,” Spike said. “They're saying it's the start of a...” he paused. “Para-dig-em? Shift? Something like that.”

“Oh Spike,” Rarity sighed, smiling sadly. “It's just like when Twilight became a Princess and ponies were obsessed with her for a few weeks. Once something new hits the news, those designs will be forgotten.”

“I donno, Rarity,” Spike said. “Have you seen the pictures?”

“I couldn't bear it,” Rarity replied, pushing the paper away. “Spike, those designs don't belong on ponies, they belong in a fire! Imagine if you drew a particularly embarrassing picture and Twilight found it and started showing it to everypony. That's what it's like hearing about those dresses – I just want to forget they exist and I want everypony else to forget it too.”

Coronation Day.

Well, not Coronation Day, the holiday. That had been when Twilight Sparkle had been crowned. Coronated? The point is that the holiday had been months ago, so while this was a day with a coronation occurring, it was not actually Coronation Day, just a coronation day.

Rarity already had a list of ideas on what to call her holiday. She was leaning towards 'Fabulous Fiesta' or 'Inspiration Day' but she'd be happy as long as ponies celebrated by wearing attractive and professionally tailored clothing.

The maids had just finished her mane and makeup – and Rarity had already made a mental note to offer Aloe and Lotus jobs as her personal servants. They would have done a better job, since they already knew what lotions and shampoos to use without having to be told three times. Maybe eucalyptus was good enough for a mane of stars or solar wind, but it was not proper at all for somepony with a dry scalp and occasional, very carefully controlled, dandruff issues (thank the stars it didn't show up on a white coat).

Rarity posed in front of the full-length mirror. It was still two hours until the actual event, but she wanted to be ready well in advance. She'd had too many fashion shows come close to disaster because of timing issues.

She frowned and adjusted the shoulders, then adjusted them again.

She took a step, and knew the hem was wrong, though she couldn't decide if it needed to be longer or shorter.

Her practiced eye picked out where the machine-stitched edges weren't quite...

Weren't quite perfect.

Perfect in every way.

She bit her lip.

Luna had created the magical seals to last a thousand years. It was impossible to pick them, impossible to break through them with brute force. If she hadn't created half of the wards herself, she never would have been able to crack the vault open without an alert that would have warned all of Equestria that something terrible had been unleashed on the world.

The alarms were silent as she opened the door to the underground vault, the stone door moving smoothly on well-oiled hinges despite being thick enough to withstand an assault by anything that wouldn't also annihilate the mountain the vault was bored into. A hallway lay beyond the door, just long enough to conceal a number of devices and give ponies a second chance to turn away. Beyond it was the inner chamber.

Within was the dress.

“Forgive me, sister,” Luna whispered. “I have to wear it. If I wear it, they'll love me and praise me the way I deserve!”

Luna put all her weight on one unmarked tile, then hopped sideways to another. She paused to feel the phase of the moon, then walked the rest of the way down the hallway, staying on the left side and never stepping on the white tiles in the checkerboard pattern on the floor. Just before entering the chamber at the end, she made sure to high-step through the threshold, as if there was something there at ankle-height. Despite all her effort, or rather because of it, nothing happened.

“Don't bother, it's already gone,” Starlight Glimmer said. She was sitting in front of the stone sarcophagus in the center of the room. The lid had been pried off, placed carefully to the side.

“Why-” Luna blinked. “How-”

“I have poor impulse control,” Starlight shrugged. “How about you?”

“...Sometimes, a mare has needs.”

“It's okay, you don't have to justify anything to me.” Starlight sighed. “Somepony beat us to it, though. That's gonna be a problem. Probably going to have to assemble all of Twilight's friends, confront an evil villain, and then learn some kind of concise lesson about friendship.”

Luna looked at the stone sarcophagus, and considered for a moment.

“The lid was removed very carefully. The pony that lifted it didn't want to damage it.” Luna narrowed her gaze. “It would require magic to lift it without leaving tool marks, and a pony desperate enough to break into a vault but considerate with other pony's possessions.”

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” Starlight asked.

“Let us go check on Princess Rarity.”

Luna tried to look regal as she stepped through the doorway, forgetting for a brief moment the mechanisms concealed in the walls.

There was a rumbling, and a sound of water rushing.

“Oh, yes. The traps,” she sighed.

Luna wrung out her mane, soaked stars and sodden nebulae hanging limp from her scalp.

“And you don't know any spells to dry us off?” Starlight asked, for the third time.

“Go ask my sister,” Luna snapped. “And make sure to have a very good answer for just why thou need the full force of the noonday sun to banish the chill and damp from thy bones!”

“You're slipping into Ye Old Equuish.”

“We spent nearly an hour soaking in ice water before the water slide threw us from the Canterhorn!” Luna yelled. “We are annoyed, and cold, and we won't even have the nicest dress at the coronation, assuming We can even be made presentable in time!”

Luna kicked the door to the guest suite open.

“Rarity, surrender The Dress!” Luna yelled, and her tone ensured that the capital letters were not just obvious but nearly visible as a shockwave in midair.

Rarity stepped out from behind a paper screen.

“Avert your eyes!” Starlight yelled, covering her eyes. “Don't look at it, Luna!”

“It's not exactly the best dress I've ever worn but it's not that bad,” Rarity said, annoyed.

Starlight chanced a look from behind her hooves.

Rarity wasn't wearing The Dress. She was merely wearing a dress. One expensive enough that one could trade it for a house, but only fabric and gems.

Starlight slowly relaxed, now that she was sure her face wouldn't melt off.

“...you don't have The Dress,” Luna said, after a moment.

“Well of course not.” Rarity turned away and huffed. “You and Celestia locked it away. I'm not some kind of thief.”

“She couldn't get the locks open,” Starlight translated.

“That too,” Rarity admitted.

“But if she doesn't have it, who does?” Luna asked.

“Luna! There you are!” Twilight ran into the room, hooves loosing traction as they hit wet marble, sending her into a skid that nearly carried her into Rarity before Starlight caught her in a magical net, saving the maids from hours of fixing Rarity's mane and makeup.

“What's wrong, Twilight?” Luna asked.

“There's something wrong with Celestia. She won't come out of her room!”

Luna pressed her ear against the door.

“She's crying,” she reported after a few moments.

“Try knocking again,” Twilight said.

“She didn't answer last time we knocked,” Luna reminded her.

“Maybe we could put a note under the door.”

“I don't think she's going to read notes right now,” Rarity said. “Trust me darling, I know what it's like when you're overcome with emotion.”

“She has never been this bad before,” Luna said. “We must come up with a plan.”

“I could try sending her a few dozen scrolls full of friendship lessons,” Twilight said. “Spike is just getting the cheering section together for the coronation.”

“No, tis better if he never knows of this,” Luna assured her. “He is an innocent and shouldn't be reminded about how we are only ponies, in the end, as vulnerable as anypony else. Emotionally. We are otherwise immortal and all-powerful.” She looked at the closed door. “Yes, soon my sister's emotions will probably turn her towards ultimate evil and she will destroy all of Equestria over some tiny slight, and we will be forced to banish her to the sun. Or it may just be a phase and she'll get over it.”

Luna shrugged.

Twilight twitched, her mane starting to curl and come undone.

“Let's just try knocking again like Twilight suggested,” Rarity said. She tapped at the door. “Princess? It's Rarity.”

“No! Don't come in!” Celestia wailed. “Don't look at me! I'm a m-moooonster!” Her voice broke into big, messy sobs.

Luna reached for the door handle, and Rarity touched her hoof.

“This is a fashion emergency, darling,” Rarity said, quietly. “You stay here. I'll do what I can to help her.”

Luna nodded, stepping back.

“I'm coming in,” Rarity said. “Everything will be fine...”

She opened the door and slipped inside. The room was almost totally dark, the curtains hastily drawn and every light extinguished. If she hadn't known better, Rarity would have thought a burglar had torn Celestia's bedroom apart searching for something.

The broken mirror, though, spoke of fear and anger.

“Don't!” Celestia hissed. Rarity had almost missed her in the darkness until she'd moved, a blanket wrapped around her as if concealing something horrible. “Don't come any closer!”

“Whatever's wrong, I'm sure we can fix it,” Rarity said. “I'm sure it can't be nearly as bad as some of the things Sweetie Belle has managed to do to herself, even if you did somehow find a bucket of tree sap.”

“It's far worse than that,” Celestia said. “I'm hideous!”

She turned, and Rarity saw her face as the blanket slipped. She looked just as beautiful as always.

“Oh, darling, that's not so bad. Your mascara is running a bit but we can fix that. You look-”

The blanket fell away as Rarity tugged on it, and she gasped.

Celestia was wearing The Dress, and it was so perfect. So beautiful. The Dress hugged her curves and lines, somehow fitting her perfectly, just as it had fit the poniquin perfectly, and it was even more wonderful than when it had been merely on display.

“I just wanted to wear it for a moment, to look beautiful...” Celestia whispered.

But the contrast. The contrast.

It was so perfect, Celestia looked hideous in comparison. Her coat, alabaster and spotless, was dull and lifeless. Her mane seemed washed out, like mud.

Rarity had seen this before.

A pony, especially at social events or in high school, naturally accumulated friends who were more or less attractive than they were. A wise pony tried to spend social events standing next to her less attractive friends, to be even greater by comparison, while staying away from those with more natural beauty to avoid comparison. It was one reason she and Applejack were such good friends.

In wearing The Dress, Princess Celestia was putting her own appearance in direct competition with something too grand and terrible for anypony to match. It was beautiful, and... though it was difficult to tell through the glare of its perfection, so was she, but no pony could compare to the infinite.

“Let's get that off you,” Rarity said, having to choke out the words.

“She'll be fine,” Rarity said, a while later, stepping out of Celestia's room. She gave Luna a box. “I think... I think this needs to be put away again where it can't hurt anypony.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Twilight asked.

“It was something I hadn't thought of,” Rarity whispered. “A dress should elevate the pony wearing it. This dress is only beautiful in and of itself. It could never make anypony happy.”

“Someday, Rarity, there will be the right pony for this dress,” Luna said. “Probably in a thousand years or so, given previous experience.”

“It will be too soon,” Rarity sighed, “I never want to see the horrid thing again.”

“Your highnesses?” Raven Inkwell coughed, appearing out of nowhere like any good royal attendant. “The coronation? The festivities are scheduled to start soon. Will Celestia be joining us?”

“No,” Luna said. “We will let her recover. Is there word from Cadenza?”

“Princess Cadance sent her regrets that she would be unable to attend,” Raven said. “Apparently she has to, and I quote-” Raven took a scroll from her saddlebags and read it aloud. “'Update her shipping charts.'”

“I thought the Crystal Empire was land-locked.” Luna mused.

“It's not that kind of shipping,” Twilight muttered, cheeks burning. “She once made a shipping matrix with me and every single classmate I had at the School for Gifted Unicorns. She even had cute little names for all her favorite pairings.”

“That sounds harmless,” Rarity said.

“Then when I moved to Ponyville, she made a new chart.”

“With... oh.” Rarity frowned. She tapped her chin. “...I'm curious, where did I rank?”

“Between Cheerilee and Princess Celestia.”

“Hm. Strong showing.” Luna nodded in approval.

“Your highnesses and soon-to-be-highnesses?” Raven asked. “We really do need to get to the balcony. I have the royal orchestra stalling for time but the crowd will eventually notice they're just repeating the chorus over and over again.”

“...and we present to you, Princess Rarity Belle of Equestria, Princess of Inspiration!” Luna stepped aside as the curtains parted.

Rarity stepped out, spreading her wings, her coat glowing, literally, thanks to some subtle illumination spells to help her stand out even more than her natural beauty already did. She knelt, and a crown was placed on her head, a slim platinum tiara with blue diamonds set into it.

Luna helped her up and embraced her, kissing both cheeks as she stood.

Rarity waved to the crowd and was struck speechless.

The dress she had made, the horrible thing that was locked away for all time, it had only made itself beautiful.

Coco and the other designers that had come to her, they had taken her designs and made them reality, and while the dresses were just fabric and thread, they made the ponies wearing them look beautiful and, more importantly, they felt beautiful. She could see it in their expressions, their pride and joy, the way they were celebrating her with thousands of variations on her own work, each imperfect and flawed but unique and wonderful, too.

She'd forgotten for a little while why she created. Here it was in front of her, though, in the faces of the smiling ponies of Equestria.

“Hello everypony,” Rarity said, finally finding her voice. She wiped a tear from her eye. “It's a pleasure to see you.”

And it really was.

Author's Note

Just another short story from me as I get back into the saddle and get some of my groove back with one-shots. Not sure what I'll work on next - I've got a few things on my list, and a couple longer projects almost ready to post.

Remember to like, subscribe, remix, send pizza rolls, and never, ever stand next to people more attractive than you are in photos.