The Muffin Tree

After a few minutes of more hugs, the odd peck on the cheek and no further explanation, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo were finally able to pry themselves away from Derpy’s overbearing forearms of affection. They crawled into an empty booth, while Derpy, as merrily as an eight-month pregnant mare could, skipped to the other side of the café.

Mrs. Cake reappeared moments later, balancing three pitchers of apple cider for Rainbow Dash, a glass of water for Scootaloo, and four massive blueberry muffins for Derpy, who eagerly patted her belly as if it were a drum. Despite the buzz of whispers from nearby tables, both Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo’s minds were elsewhere. The bombshell Derpy had just dropped—claiming to be their birth mother—was still spinning in their heads, making the muffins on the table seem like an odd afterthought.

Rainbow Dash rubbed her temples, her headache growing. Meanwhile, Scootaloo leaned in, eager to learn more about this unbelievable twist in their lives.

“You really believe her?” Scootaloo whispered, eyes wide.

Rainbow Dash groaned. “I don’t know, squirt. My head feels like it’s about to explode. I mean, Derpy? Our mom? How does that even—?”. Rainbow Dash was interrupted by Derpy happily licking muffin crumbs off her cheeks. Rainbow let out a long sigh, then called out, “Hey, Derpy. Can we talk?

Derpy, mid-lick, paused and tilted her head. “Hmm? Talk about what, Dashie?”

“The whole you’re ‘our mother’ thing,” Rainbow replied, trying to keep her voice calm but failing miserably. “Can you explain how you came up with that idea?”

Derpy thought for a moment but before she answered the question, she smiled and said, “you know Dashie, I would prefer you to call me mother, but mommy is fine too.”

Rainbow Dash’s eye twitched. “Not happening.”

Derpy chuckled and patted her belly. “Oh, Dashie. So rebellious. I wonder who you get that from?”

Before Rainbow Dash could snap, Scootaloo jumped in and intervened. “Would you mind telling us how you’re our mother exactly?” asked Scootaloo, earning an incredulous glare from her honorary-soon-to-be-blood-related-sister.

“So where should I start?”

“From the beginning, Derpy,” groaned Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t like your tone, young lady,” she chastised. “You should really treat your mother with respect.”

“You’re not my mother, Derpy,” snapped Rainbow Dash.

“Hey Rainbow Dash,” interjected Scootaloo, “why don’t we just listen to her story first.”

“Fine,” grumbled Rainbow Dash. “But I’m still not going to call you that.”

“I understand,” said Derpy sadly before continuing on with her story. “Well, it all started yesterday…

I was making Muffins at home, when I heard a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anypony to visit, so I went to open the door to greet the pony. “Good morning, Zecora,” I said.

“And a good morning to you as well,” she said. “Hmmm, is that cinnamon that I smell?”

“Yes, I’m making some muffins,” I replied as I licked a bit of batter off my cheek. It was really tasty. “It’s just missing something.”

“I have the perfect thing to add to your snack,” she said as she placed her bag down, “a bottle of vanilla extract.”

“That would be fantastic,” I said.

But before she could give me the bottle the Friendship Princess suddenly appeared and shouted, “Zecora, are you here?”

“Yes, Princess Twilight - Oi, Oi, Why are we taking flight?”

“No time to explain, we need your help,” she said before whisking her away. I don’t know why the Princess kidnapped Zecora, but my tummy was growling and I couldn’t wait for her to come back. I was so hungry.

“I’m so hungry,” I grumbled. At that moment, instead of waiting, I thought I’d grab the bottle from Zecora’s bag and then we could eat the muffins when she came back.

“As it turns out, the vanilla extract wasn’t vanilla extract,” she said warningly as she retrieved the empty bottle from her bag and gave it to Scootaloo.

Scootaloo took the bottle, reading the label out loud: “For producing great buns in the oven. Take with food.”

“It was a baby making potion,” she sighed, blushing with a maternal glow. “Zecora thinks I should give birth in a couple of days.”

Rainbow Dash was getting another headache. “Derpy-

“Mother-

“Listen, Derpy, it takes 11 months to make a baby not a couple of days,” she argued. “And beside you need a stallion to -,” she added before blushing profusely, “t-t-to you know … help.”

“Umm… Rainbow Dash,” interjected Scootaloo who held up the underside of the bottle.

Rainbow Dash snatched the bottle and read the rest of the label: “Fast acting. Stallion not required. Warning: do not consume raspberries as it may further reduce gestation period. Wait! Don't tell me-

“They were the sweetest raspberry and white chocolate muffins I ever tasted,” added Derpy.

“Derpy -

“Mother-

“Will you stop that!” rebuked Rainbow Dash before pointing to the basket Derpy had brought. “Are these the same muffins as you ate yesterday?”

“Hmmm,” said Derpy as she examined them. “Ah-huh,” she replied before licking her lips. “Yeah, and they do sure look - hey!”

Before Derpy could even blink, Rainbow Dash launched herself across the table, snatched the muffin from Derpy’s hooves, and—with a wild, over-the-shoulder throw—sent the entire basket soaring out the window. A nearby pony yelped as muffins rained down from the sky.

“My muffins! Aww, I wanted to eat those,” Derpy pouted, eyes wide with disappointment.

“How do you know you’re having twins?” Scootaloo asked, trying to steer the conversation back on track.

“Well, I ate two muffins,” Derpy explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “So that must mean that I am having twins.”

Scootaloo’s eyes widened in excitement. “Oh my gosh, does that mean we really are sisters?”

“Hold your horses, Scootaloo,” interjected Rainbow Dash who wasn’t quite convinced. “Alright Derpy-

“Mother.”

“I’m still not calling you that,” snapped Rainbow Dash, before taking a quick breath to regain her composure. “Alright, what you said doesn’t make sense. Firstly twins? Please! If you hadn’t noticed there’s a rather significant age gap between Scootaloo and I.”

“Silly Dashie, babies don’t come out at the same time! There’s always a gap!”, chuckled Derpy. “Everypony knows that.”

“Minutes maybe,” Rainbow barked, “but we’re talking years. Years!”

Derpy paused. “Well, that is unusual. I wouldn’t want to be in labour for that long.”

Rainbow groaned. “And another thing—I’m older than you! We grew up together, remember? I used to walk you to school. I even had to teach you how to fly!”

Scootaloo’s ears perked up. “Wait, Derpy, you couldn’t fly as a filly either?”

Derpy smiled. “Nope! My wings were too small. They couldn’t lift me off the ground.”

“Really, me too!” Scootaloo exclaimed, her wings buzzing in excitement. “So how did you help your wings grow? Did it take long? How old were you?”

“Well I-”

“Stop humouring her,” interrupted Rainbow Dash. “As I was saying, I did those things because Mom-

“But I’m your mother-”

“The Mare that raised me,” growled Rainbow Dash, “wanted me to be your friend.”

“Well that’s just silly,” dismissed Derpy. “We can’t be friends because I’m your mo-

“YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!”

“Mom - I mean Derpy,” began Scootaloo who noticed an even larger plot hole in Derpy’s story. “How can you be pregnant with us now?”

“Thank you!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash.

“Umm… ” was all that Derpy could mutter when all of sudden, the doors burst open and a gust of wind blew into the store, “Doctor!”

“MR. CAKE!” shouted the mysterious stallion.

“UH-YES!?!” stuttered the hapless baker. “Can I help you?”

Breathing heavily with sweat dripping from his brow, the stallion marched to the counter until he was only inches away from Mr. Cake’s face. “I need a chocolate overload ice cream cake, ten caramel fudge sticks dipped in butter, half a dozen strawberry, cheesecake muffins, and a Pinkie Pie supreme-super special-scrumptious-surprise-birthday cake, and I need it now!”

“Is this for a party-

“For me.”

The baker began to fluster at his response. “But that amount of sugar-

“Do it,” he ordered, his patience running thin.

“But Dr. Whooves,” protested Mrs. Cake who came to the aid of her husband, “the sugar rush alone would kill you!”

“I DON’T CARE, WOMAN! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AND I WANT TO LIVE!” he shouted whilst laughing maniacally.

“Right… why don’t you grab a seat?” Mrs. Cake suggested weakly.

Dr. Whooves spun around, scanning the room. Derpy started to wave him over but was swiftly yanked back into her seat by Rainbow.

“Derpy!” Rainbow hissed. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know much about time,” began Derpy slowly, “but Dr. Whooves does.”

“Who?”

“Not Who, Whooves. He’s my friend and a time expert,” smiled Derpy. “He has all sorts of clocks at home. Big clocks, little clocks, coo-coo clocks. He could probably answer Dashie’s questions.”

“How does that - ugh, whatever,” conceded Rainbow Dash.

“Dr. Whooves,” shouted Derpy as she beckoned the stallion. “Doctor, come sit with us.”

“Ah Derpy,” smiled the Doctor as he plodded over to Derpy. “It’s so very good to see you.”

“Is something wrong? You look very stressed.”

Taking a seat, the colour in his face began to fade as the Doctor spoke nonchalantly, “Oh it’s nothing. Just the very fabric of time and space is unravelling as we speak, and without understanding the source and cause of it, we could very well enter into a paradox of immense magnitude and apocalyptic severity that ends the very existence of the universe itself.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” replied Derpy empathetically.

“Yes, well I’ve also been suffering a bout of indigestion and a crick in my neck, but other than that it's quite fine and dandy. Say, is there something different about you? Is it your mane?”

“No, I’m expecting,” blushed the mare.

“Really!? Congratulations,” smiled the Doctor. “I do need some good news to cheer me up. So who's the father?”

“A muffin.”

“A muffin! How- wait a muffin?”

“So you’re Dr. Whooves?” interrupted Rainbow Dash.

“Yes?” replied Dr. Whooves as he looked over the blue pegasus. “And who might you be?”

“I’m Rainbow Dash and this is Scootaloo, and we were hoping you could help us with a little problem.”

“Sure why not, we only have four hours to live,” answered Dr. Whooves.

“Yes, we were hoping you could explain something. Derpy here-

“Mommy.”

“I AM NOT CALLING YOU THAT!”

“You do have to excuse Dashie’s behaviour,” said Derpy dejectedly, “She’s just acting a bit rebellious. I wasn’t a very good mother.”

“YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER.”

“What Derpy is trying to say,” Scootaloo interjected, trying to ease the situation, “is that she thinks we’re her daughters.”

“More than that,” Rainbow Dash added, exasperated. “She thinks the twins in her belly are us. And for some stupid reason, she expects you to explain how that’s possible.”

Dr. Whooves blinked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What on Equestria makes her think that?”

“Because she ate a stupid muffin,” Rainbow Dash snapped, clearly at her limit.

“Two muffins, actually,” Derpy corrected, raising a hoof sheepishly.

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and presented the two pieces of muffin-shaped charms along with the letters. “These were given to us by our birth mother. We think they’re connected.”

Dr. Whooves adjusted his glasses, peering closely. “Aren’t these the charms I made for you yesterday, Derpy?”

Derpy nodded, pulling out her own necklace. “Yes, but these are mine.”

The Doctor’s eyes widened as he compared the evidence. “Extraordinary!” he exclaimed. “Almost identical in every way…”

“So …” began Scootaloo nervously. “What do you think?”

“It could all be just a coincidence,” he said thinking out loud.

Rainbow’s face lit up with smug satisfaction. “See? I told you—"

“But,” Dr. Whooves interrupted, holding up a hoof, “it is possible.”

Rainbow Dash froze, her smile vanishing. “How?”

“Time travel, obviously,” Dr. Whooves said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “With time travel, anything is possible. You could meet Princess Celestia as a filly or visit your great-great-grandfoals.”

Scootaloo’s eyes sparkled. “Wait, so I could stop myself from that skydiving stunt that left a scar on my flank?”

Dr. Whooves chuckled. “Oh, no, no. It’s not that simple, my dear. Ever heard of the grandfather paradox?”

“Para-what?” Scootaloo asked, blinking.

He straightened his bowtie, warming up to the topic. “If you went back in time and—oh, say—eliminated your grandfather, your father wouldn’t be born. Which means you wouldn’t be born. But if you weren’t born, how could you go back and eliminate your grandfather in the first place? That’s the paradox.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Yeah, or maybe muffin magic knocked her up,” she muttered under her breath.

The Doctor ignored her. “Anyway, if your parents never existed, neither would you. Time travel is messy that way. Do you understand?”

“Sort of,” Scootaloo mumbled, scratching her head.

"So basically, it an impossible situation that is unlikely to happen, right?" Rainbow Dash asked flatly, and with a sense of finality.

“Well yes, in that situation it would be impossible because it's a paradox. Now to go back in time—"

“ENOUGH! I’ve had it!” Rainbow Dash snapped, throwing her hooves in the air. “I’m outta here.”

“But wait! We haven’t finished!” Dr. Whooves protested. “I haven’t even explained how the space-time continuum—"

“No, you’ve had your fun, and -”

“Mother-” interjected Derpy.

“Has had her fun too,” she growled before letting out an exasperated sigh. “I’m going home.”

“Wait, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo pleaded, hopping in front of her. “We haven’t figured this out!”

Rainbow’s voice softened. “Squirt, I hate to burst your bubble, but she’s not our mom. She’s just… confused. Our mom is out there somewhere, but she's not here!”

Scootaloo looked despondent. “I guess time travel is a bit far-fetched, huh?”

Rainbow’s expression softened as she wrapped a hoof around Scootaloo. “Doesn’t matter if she’s our mom or not. You’ll always be my sister. That’s what counts.”

“Thanks, Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo smiled, leaning into the embrace.

Dr. Whooves sighed. “Shame that it doesn’t matter really. I mean to go back in time you’d need a - hey wait a moment! Derpy, when did you say you were due?”

“In an hour or two,” Derpy replied casually.

“WHAT?! YOU SAID A COUPLE OF DAYS!” Rainbow Dash shrieked.

“I thought so!” Derpy said defensively, rubbing her belly. “But you two are getting really impatient!”

The Doctor’s eyes lit up.“Great Scott! Of course, why didn’t I see that before!”

Scootaloo tilted her head. “Uh… Doctor?”

He jumped up, pacing frantically. “Don’t you see? This was meant to happen! The muffin, the potion, the mix-up—everything! The space-time continuum depends on it!”

“Wait—WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash blurted out, utterly lost.

“We need you - I mean the baby versions of you - to go back in time, or otherwise it affects the space time continuum.”

“You’re still not making a lot of sense.”

“How can you not understand - wait, sorry, I can go on a bit of a rant and get a bit ahead of myself. Let me explain, we are currently in a fixed timeline.”

“A fixed timeline?” asked Scootaloo.

“Remember the grandfather’s paradox. It’s only a paradox if you go back in time when you weren’t meant to and therefore create a paradoxical situation. A fixed timeline is when you are meant to go back in time to ensure that the present happens.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t follow,” said Scootaloo.

“You know Rarity.”

“Of course, I do, she’s my best friend’s sister.”

“Imagine if she came up with this year’s dress design, because Applejack gave her pictures of her dress 6 months ago.”

“Wait, so you’re saying that - ”

“You girls are only here, because Derpy went back in time and gave you up to your respective families. So it is possible that you were twins in the womb, but born in different timelines and hence given two completely different families. The fact that you are standing here and that Derpy is currently pregnant with you is proof of that. However in order to ensure the continuity of this timeline - ”

“So, we’re really… her daughters?” Rainbow’s voice wavered, disbelief in her eyes.

“Well, yes,” the Doctor said firmly. “And we need to deliver the baby versions of you two to the correct timelines before the universe collapses upon itself!”

“So does this mean I have to leave my daughters behind to complete strangers,” said Derpy as she began to tear up.

“I’m afraid so,” said Dr. Whooves apologetically. “The current timeline is based upon you leaving your foals with their foster parents. I can’t say why you did it originally, but it’s a fixed point in time now. So, we can’t safely mess with it.”

“Can’t I at least keep them around for a month? Just to get them comfortable before we part?” Derpy asked as the situation started to become more real than it had been a few moments ago.

“I’m afraid not,” Dr. Whooves said gently. “Fixed points must remain unchanged…”

“But, surely four weeks wouldn’t hurt? I just came up with the best birthday party, just ten minutes ago...” Derpy insisted as the gravity of the situation caught on.

“Can’t do that either…” Dr. Whooves countered as Derpy slowly worked her requests for time to smaller and smaller numbers, and her mood seemed to fall with it.

Rainbow’s resolve wavered as Derpy’s eyes filled with tears. It was unbearable.

Suddenly, Rainbow stepped outside, her heart heavy. She leaned against the gingerbread wall of the bakery, struggling with her emotions. Scootaloo followed, looking up at her.

“Rainbow Dash, why’d you leave?” Scootaloo asked, confused. “Can’t you see Derpy’s crying?”

“Squirt, it’s not something I can help with. I don’t travel through time. And, I can’t be that foal that she’s about to leave behind. Rainbow sighed, looking down at her hooves. “ I can’t replace my parents with some mare I barely know.”

“Nopony asked you,” Scootaloo began, her voice shaking. “Derpy didn’t, at least. She just wants you to make some space in your heart for her. That’s all. Don’t you remember? Family is more than blood. It’s love. And she loves us, Rainbow.”

Rainbow blinked, hearing her own words echoed back at her. Could she really open her heart to two mothers?

Scootaloo stormed back inside, leaving Rainbow alone to think. After a moment, Rainbow sighed, stood up, and followed.

But when she re-entered Sugarcube Corner, Derpy and Dr. Whooves were gone. Scootaloo sat alone at the table, staring at their necklaces and letters.

“Hey, Scootaloo,” Rainbow whispered, cheeks burning with guilt. “You were right. I’m sorry.”

Scootaloo sniffled, her eyes still on the table. “I know… but we missed them. Mom left while we were outside. She left a note.” Scootaloo slid it over to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow read the note quietly, then nodded. “We’ll see her tomorrow, okay?”

As they headed home, Pinkie Pie bursts in with a tray full of desserts. “Who ordered the—hey, where’d everypony go?”

She scanned the empty room, her eyes wide as she became increasingly annoyed. “HEY! I didn’t even get to me sing my time-travel song!”