Bonus: By Celestia’s Beard
Celestia the Expression
Bonus chapter by PixelMoon
(So many regrets)
~X~X~X~
Princess Celestia awoken from her slumber. The moon sat a little above the horizon. She lay in her bed for a few moments, enjoying the pleasure of half awake and half asleep.
Unwillingly, Celestia finally sat up from her fluffy bed and stretched her limbs, cracks echoing throughout the room. She sighed in relief and comfort and sat in her bed for a few minutes.
The desk in the bedroom opened with force. A book with a black cover rose from the dror. A pale yellow glow surrounded the book as it was levitated to Celestia.
She opened the book to the marked page and took out the bookmark. The alicorn read quietly until a burst of sound made itself known.
“SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA!”
Princess Celestia’s eye twitched. Not this again. She rose from her bed and headed to her balcony.
Staring down, she saw two ponies arguing. Instead of interrupting, Celestia levitated her blankets and pillows to protect herself from the cold.
The two ponies below continued to argue, completely oblivious to the sun goddess above them.
“With Celestia as my witness, I swear I won’t be accountable to what I’ll do if I spend one more second with you!”
Celestia’s eyes widened with interest. That was one she hadn’t heard from Twilight yet.
Grabbing a bag of chips and popcorn, the princess continued to eavesdrop into the conversation.
“- Likely story! I swear to Celestia, I’m going to make your mane appear on your chin!”
A spark of green magic glowed underneath the balcony. The next thing she knew, Celestia was stroking a beard.
...Wait. There shouldn’t be a beard there…
Celestia stared down at herself. A beard with blue, green, purple, and pink had appeared, and her hoof was currently stroking it.
“NOOOOOOO!!!!” she shrieked.
“What was that?” one of the ponies under her balcony asked.
“I dunno. But I’m glad that your spell backfired,” the other pony replied.
The former pony’s horn glowed green once more, and before he knew it, the second pony had a beard.
“...Oh shootballs.”
Celestia stared down with a confused stare.“Shootballs? Aren’t you supposed to say something with my name?”
The bearded pony facehoofed. “Oh right. Thanks, Celestia!”
Celestia frowned. “Don’t ever call me that. Only ponies who are close to me say that. Even then, Princess Twilight still says princess.”
He nodded. “Of course, your highness. Best apologies, your majesty.” He bowed and Celestia nodded with approval. “Now...where were we, Shadowfleek?”
Shadowfleek rubbed her chin. “Uh...I think we were at the part that you say a phrase with Princess Celestia’s name, Star.”
Celestia furrowed her eyebrows. “Star? Star who?”
“Starswirl, princess.”
Celestia sighed.“And thus Starswirl the Bearded was made,” she muttered.
“What was that, princess?”
“Nothing,” she lied with a roll of her eyes. “Continue, Starswirl.”
Starswirl nodded and put a hoof to his chin. Celestia continued to chew on popcorn, a bored expression of her face. Suddenly, he jumped up.
“I’ve got it!”
Celestia looked down at him while Shadowfleek turned her head to face him. They both stared and waited for him to say something.
“BY CELESTIA’S BEARD!” he yelled. Celestia’s eyes widened with horror.
She stroked her beard, eyes still filled with horror. “How could you say something about Beardy!”
Shadowfleek rose an eyebrow. “Didn’t I just give you that beard?” Celestia nodded. “That was less than ten minutes ago.
Celestia grabbed her beard and rubbed her face against it. She closed her eyes and murmured, “But we’ve been through so much…”
Shadowfleek rolled her eyes. Celestia then felt a pinch on her neck. She flew down to where Starswirl and Shadowfleek stood and slapped the unicorn on the face.
“Hey! What was that for?!”
“You rolled your eyes at me; a goddess. Unacceptable.”
“You didn’t even see me do it!”
“I felt it.” Celestia opened her eyes to their fullest extent, making Shadowfleek step back.
“For Celestia’s sake…” Celestia got closer to her. “I-I mean...uh...touche!”
Princess Celestia nodded and stepped back, her eyes still wide. “That’s what I thought…”
“Rar,” Starswirl randomly said, stroking his beard.
“RAR!!!!” Celestia yelleded in the Royal Canterlot voice. Shadowfleek and Star blew a mile away because of the force.
“YOU GUYS OKAY, RIGHT?” Celestia yelled.
“...My leg,” Star stated.
“MY HORN,” Shadow yelled.
After a few moments, Celestia spoke again. “...Yeah, I think they’re fine.”
Suddenly, Princess Luna burst into Celestia’s room, anger filled her expression.
“SISTER!” she yelled. “DO YOU SEE WHAT TIME IT IS?!”
Celestia glanced at her sister. “Aye, Luna. Like my beard?”
Luna gasped. “By Celestia’s beard!”
“That’s what I said…” Star weakly muttered from a mile away.
“...I WANT A BEARD!”
Celestia then cast a spell and gave Luna a beard. The two siblings had both forgotten about the question.
Luna pranced around Celestia, yelling at the top of her lungs.
“I HAVE A BEARDDD! I HAVE A BEARDDD!”
The moon sunk into the horizon. Neither Luna or Celestia noticed, unfortunately. Well, only unfortunate for Equestria’s citizens. Alicorns were immortal no matter what, so they didn’t even need the sun or moon.
Suddenly, a spark of pink magic interrupted Luna and Celestia. A very frantic Twilight Sparkle appeared.
“Princess Celestia! Princess Luna! What are you doing?! The sun was supposed to be upten seconds ago!”
Celestia stared at Twilight. “Like my beard?” she asked.
Twilight nodded. “It’s lovely. Can I have one?”
After a flash of light, Twilight Sparkle then proceeded to join the Cult of the Two Sisters.
“I HAVE A BEARD! I HAVE A BEARD!”
Twilight jumped onto the Shadowfleek who had just arrived from walking a mile. “BY CELESTIA’S BEARD!”
“Yar,” Celestia said.
“YAR!” Luna echoed.
“...Yar,” Shadowfleek groaned.
"Wait!" Twilight suddenly teleported away from Celestia and Luna. She soon returned with five other ponies.
"Okay, I think we're good now," she said.
"BY CELESTIA'S BEARD!"
"Yar."
"YAR!" The mane five plus Luna yelled.
THE END
(For real this time though)
(...I think)
Celestia the Expression
Written by PixelMoon
(Warning, craziness ahead!)
~X~X~X~
Princess Celestia sat next to her fireplace as she basked in the sound of silence that she rarely received. A slice of cake sat next to her, along with a teacup filled to the brim with green tea.
She sighed in relief, her horn emitting a soft yellow glow. The teacup held the same aura and with ease it was swiftly levitated into the air. The cup reached Celestia's soft lips as she tilted it forward to take a sip.
"IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA!"
The cup fell out of the grasp of levitation as a shrill voice reached Celestia's ears. Taken by surprise, the princess screeched softly as her tea spilt onto her body.
The door burst open as two guards adorned with golden armor dove in, spears readied. They scanned the room, but when they found nothing, their stares turned to Celestia.
She stared calmly back at the guards, ignoring the spilled tea. She coughed softly, Celestia's stare not once deceiving.
"Princess Celestia, are you alright?"
She nodded and levitated the teacup off of her. The guards took the hint and trotted to help clean up, only to get stopped by a hoof.
"No," Celestia stated. "Let the maids attend to it while I clean myself off."
The guards nodded, saluted, and left with the sound of the door closing. Celestia trotted to her bathroom and quickly washed herself.
When she returned from the quick shower, the maids were attending to the stain the tea had left. As Celestia walked towards them, the two mares bowed.
"Rise, my faithful subjects," Celestia commanded as the two did what they were told. "Now, can either of you two tell me who screamed like my sister when she is drunk and what they screamed?"
The mares glanced at each other before one trotted to Celestia and spoke. "I believe it was your sister, Princess Luna, your highness."
"Hm," she commented. "What did she say?"
The maid's face filled with nervousness. "I... um... I think she said in the name of Celestia."
Celestia's stared at her. Surprise was written all over her face as she spoke once more. "In the name of me? Now why in all of Equus would she say that?"
"Well, your name is kinda something ponies refer to."
Celestia rose an eyebrow. "My name is an expression that ponies say? Why ever would they say that? That must be the... the stupidest statement of the century!"
The maid backed away and returned to cleaning. She shuddered with fear and laughter as Celestia began to enrage.
The door slammed shut as the princess walked out of her room, presumably to find her sister. While Celestia trotted along, she carefully eavesdropped on every pony's conversations around her. None perked any interest until she suddenly came across a pony with a horn and wings.
Without the mare noticing, Celestia carefully trotted over to the alicorn. She appeared to be talking to nopony until Celestia heard the words she spoke.
"Oh Smarty-pants! Why in all of Equestria tell you that secret? Only Celestia knows what it is!"
Celestia's ear twitched. Only she knew? What did she possibly know that this Smarty-pants wanted to know? She needed to know!
The alicorn yelped with surprise as a loud bang and blast of golden magic appeared next to her. A raging Celestia appeared from the teleport, a not so innocent smile on her face.
"Hello Twilight!" Celestia greeted. Twilight's eyes, whom was clutching a grey stuffed pony in her hooves, widened.
"Princess Celestia! What the hay are you doing here?"
"This is my castle, Twilight." Celestia rose an eyebrow as her normal seriousness struck her face, but it immediately disappeared. "Now, tell me what only I know..."
Twilight held Smarty-pants closer to her body. "What do you mean?"
Celestia's eye twitched again as she rolled her eyes. "Twilight Sparkle. You literally just said, 'Ee he he! Only Celestia knows my secret, Smarty-pants!'
Twilight blushed. "That's not exactly what I said! I didn't giggle like an idiot in a fake girly voice!"
"GET ON WITH IT."
She sighed. "Sweet Celestia... What I said was an expression. Don't you hear it so the time?"
Celestia pointed a hoof accusingly at Twilight, ignoring her question. "There! You said it again!"
"Said what?!"
"My stinking name! Mother of Faust, Twilight, don't you understand?!"
Twilight stepped back. "Faust? Who the hay is Faust?"
Celestia rolled her eyes. "Faust is my mother, duh. Now why do you keep saying my name?"
"Oh my Celestia!" Celestia shot her a dirty look. "You are an expression! Do you understand?!"
Suddenly Luna came bursting through the doors, her eyes closed. "Snort," she breathed.
Celestia stared at her sister as she continued to snore. Suddenly Luna woke up and yelled again. "Oh my Celestia! Sister, please stop terrorizing Twilight Sparkle!"
Luna snorted again and fell asleep. Celestia and Twilight stared at the moon princess for a minute before continuing.
"Okay... Where were we?"
"I think I was at the part where I freak out about my name being used as an expression," Celestia replied.
"Oh right. Ahem, well, we say your name because you rule Equestria and of that."
"What about Luna? She rules too," Celestia stated.
"The saying of your name started to happen a long time before Princess Luna returned."
"Oh."
They sat in silence as Twilight brushed Smarty-pants's mane. Celestia suddenly spoke up.
"What's the secret only I know about?"
Twilight stared at Celestia for a long time, a deadpan stare on both ponies.
"Sweet Celestia..."
"Sweet Twilight Sparkle..."
Twilight stared at Princess Celestia. "Really?"
"You say my name so I will say yours."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Touche. But you will be the only one. Literally everypony says Sweet Celestia."
Celestia thought about this and suddenly came up with an idea. She grabbed Luna and screamed in her ear.
"SWEET TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
"... Um... Okay... That works too, I suppose."
The End.|
