Stupid Map Table Magic Thingyby HillbeChaptersNot Another WordIn the Name of ScienceStupid Future ReviledNow That's Really StupidNot Another WordNot Another Word Another day another adventure in the market square of the little hamlet called Ponyville as Twilight Sparkle the Princess of Friendship was out and about on this fine spring morning, actually more like noon but not quite lunch time but way after brunch. She was relaxed and meandering, looking for more provisions for the crystal castles kitchens pantry. You know the pantry that was stocked full last week just before typhoon Pinkie ravaged it like Angel Bunny on a binder. Bags of all sizes were floating along behind her gripped softly in her magical field, tomatoes, beets, grapes, oranges, lettuce bunches, tuna... you got the idea food, grub oats hay and ice cream and lots of it. Her trek took her to that famous apple farmer Equestrian hero the bucker of bad guys and rodeos, but not one to boast herself Applejack, who was eyeing those nasty oranges that Twilight had paid a load of hard working bits for, Not that oranges were evil or anything but you know it's Applejacks pet peeve to have her prize winning tasty apples be second fiddle to a lumpy pealing seed spitting sour sunny fruit thingy that does better juicing then munching any day of the week and twice on Sunday! "Why howdy there Twilight what can I do ya for today?" Miss Applejack AKA Apple Jewel greeted the purple nerd as she unrolled her extensive shopping list. "Hi, Applejack I need a whole complement of what you have, I've got to resupply after Pinkie's last get together and maybe throw in some extra pork loin, pork shanks. bacon, hams and beef stakes, briskets and fifty bags of hamburger." What do you expect for a growing dragon living with ponies a vegan gem fest? As the supplies were bagged and loaded into Big Macs cart for the trip to the magic crystal castle of Grey Skull....Of FRIENDSHIP! Friendship. A buzzing sound came out of flanking nowhere, A sound like the signal you get when the party on the other end just doesn't want to talk to you even with caller ID activated? The two Equestrian heros looked to their butts for the answer to that question, Who was on their other end of their ends? The Map! That bothersome map. "Big Mac quit making goo goo eyes at Sugar Belle and watch Twilights stuff, better yet finish loading everything and deliver it later, We got to go it's an emergency!" AJ continued "Big Mac you listening to me? We're going!" His answer was a simple sigh as they saw Angel Bunny sitting on top of Twilights pile of loot eyeing the vegies with a sharks deadly scowl. The two galloped down or was it up the cobble stone path to the other side of the town meeting Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie on the way. They saw that she had a bounce to her hops and a spring to her mane so they figured it was safe that she was trotting along with scissors and not her usual cannon, bazooka or other weapons of mass destruction. "Hi ya Twi Twi what's getting messed up today, Is Equestria being threatened again by a meanie bad guy like Dr. Evil with Mini Me and sharks with friggin laser beams on their heads?" Miss Pie continued "like he'll blow everything for a million bits?" Twilight rebuffed her "Pinkie, It's blow up Equestria not blow Equestria"... " Awe but it's more fun my way" Pinkie beamed as Fluttershy was seen pawing at the castles massive doors on the threes approach to that final destination. The castle was quiet inside other then the clopping of hooves and all the cutie marks flashing on 'hold'. They came close to the map it's surface was cold and bare, nothing but a waft of green smoke hung in the air that alerted the group of a pending possible ambush, crouching and carefully coming closer on their tippy hooves ,slowly they moved step by step hoof by hoof they stalked the... "I see you there! Rarity what are you doing hiding behind the map?" Rainbow 'I'm sneakier after guzzling cider after an awesome day with the Wonderbolts"' Dash yelled as she hovered above everypony. A fashionable purple mane with a few stray locks of hair slowly rose above the edge of the table map thingy followed by a set of blue eyes with a smears of eye shadow on her fur of white and only one false eyelash, she gracefully looked at the others clearing her throat as a lady would as wisps of green smoke spiraled out of her nostrils "Hello darlings I was just trying on my new frock, what brings you all here?" AJ was first to bring up the obvious "Are you alright there sugar cube? You look like you just finished the Running of the Leaves". "Darling Applejack of course I'm quite alright I assure you, My new dress was just a little difficult to get into that's all" She bolted straight upright and let out a little gasping whinny as she adjusted the fabric. Sweat and moist cloth started to show as the fashion mare began to sluggishly step away. "What's with the extra tail?" Pinkie giggled pointing to Raritys bustle as the others started to look the tail zipped out of sight. "Nothing darling you must of seen the slip". Rarity turned for the nearest exit only to be blocked by Twilight "Are you sure you're okay? The map called us here is your cutie mark flashing too?" Spikes muffled voice could be heard "Nope it not flashing here!" A swift knee stopped the hidden conversation as Rarity spoke up "Oh look Spike must be waking up! I'll just go up stares and fetch him". Rarity stumbled and weaved towards the stare case arguing and pulling with her reluctant frock as the tapping of claws rang out on the crystal floors. Fluttershy stopped the fashion mare looking at her hooves "Rarity if you don't mind if I check your hooves it sounds like you might have a loose shoe, If it's okay, I'd hate to see you get hurt". The unicorn froze and slowly lifted the hem of the dress and held back a giggle as an obvious movement wrapped around her barrel under the fabric. Flutterbutter inspected the hooves in question, finding nothing she glanced up and "eep". A bright blush crossed her muzzle as her wings popped up in a massive wing boner "PoompH!" ... With the attention of the group now centered on the yellow one The Lady Rarity made for a hasty retreat for the castles mess hall her steps were cut short as a loud belch brought everyponies attention to the light show under Raritys belly. The silhouette of a dragon hanging upside down beating furiously at a ladys under garments trying to quell the flames of a scroll delivery. Raritys screaming bucking spinning and pealing off the fiery wrapping was quite the show as Spike sat on the ashes his snoot covered in smeared red lipstick. All the ponies stared at the sight holding back the flood gates of laughter as Rarity gathered every shred of modesty next to that stupid map table magic thingy. A crack of thunder and a cackling guffaw filled the castle from the Lord of Chaos "That map made it so easy, You should see your faces!" A seething Rarity looked at all those friends of hers and her dragon "Not another word!" In the Name of ScienceIn the Name of Science! The castles pantry was laying in wait, shelves bare of provisions and at the ready for the freshly delivered towering pile of colorful bottles, jars, tins, cans, boxes, bags and shrink wrapped goods of various sizes to be organized and stored on all the naked shelves. Oh, the naked and natural pony. Spikes mind wondered as his claws acted on their own stacking and placing the plethora of munchies on long empty shelves. "Oh Spikey that just feels divine!" as his claws brushed her cutie marks bringing moans of pleasure from the mare of his dreams. The provisions slowly grew in mass as his thoughts continued of an earlier romantic evening "Harder faster please precious yes, Yes, YES!!!" his claws cramped up holding a cucumber bunch as his daydream continued "Oh Spikey Wikey" as the mumbling mare let out a mighty snore, brushed and relaxed after a long hard day at dressmaking. Spike waddled and stretched his wings picking up a warm fuzzy blanket from the dresser, He returned slowly strategizing on how he could cover a mare in her delicate position, Her muzzle mashed into the pillow and her rump high in the air with her front hooves crossed under her neck. He looked at that wonder of wonders curling up to the ceiling, Spike knew when a mare gets turned on that silly tail was sure to flag the world of stallions that she was willing ready and able! "Whoa, She really likes being brushed". Spike flapped his wings and sloppily hovered lightly gripping the curly strands of pure silky delight. "Okay, big guy, you got this" he pulled down on the ponut lever wanting her body to follow it down to the sheets below but all he got rewarded with was a loud "PPPPPhhhhhhhrrraaaapppppppp piddle pop pop Freep!" Spike gasped and held his breath thinking of that old joke with that old curmudgeon at the park pestering his grand foals by saying "Pull my hoof!" His rapid decent was arrested as he forced down her tail but his much needed concentration was lost like any breathable air remaining in his lungs, thank the stars that he didn't sneeze as the combustible gasses would of wrecked any thoughts any snuggling. Spike squeezed his eyes in concentration and "SPRONG!" Her naturally curly fashion accessary sprang back like a flag pole in a parade. Any idea of a soft landing expired as precious scales sailed through the air. He watched the collide-oscope of crystal colors corroborate his coming collision. Spike winced as the thought of his being smashed like a bug on a wall brought him back to the task at hand. Stocking the pantry. Our extremely brave hero of the crystal empire grasped the next lot of containers reading the ornate labels he let out a gasp and stared at the contents listed "Formula Foal" A natural well rounded nutritional supplement for growing healthy foals of all types, Earth, Pegasus and Unicorn foals...foals; foals! The pantry started spinning, faster and faster then his world went black, quiet and black "Thud". "Spike? Spike wake up" Twilights voice welcomed the dragon to the waking world " Spike are you okay?" His shaking the cobwebs from his noodle answered his... his sister? mother? master? Princess? question? "Ah Twilight?" Spike had a single odd question "I was wondering if I" he stammered thinking of the cans of foal formula "I was thinking" he continued with a nervous chuckle "Is it possible for ponies and dragons to you know..." Spike went all out scientific "can they have foals?" He slapped both claws over his mouth squinting his eyes thinking THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST STUPID QUESTION LIKE IN FOREVER! In a blazing flash of teleportation magic Twilight had her number one assistant laying on an examining table with every modern investigative device strapped to his body. The basement laboratory slash torcher chamber was alive with specimens and vials and beakers and dishes and stirrers and pipettes and incubators and sonicators and homogenizers and vortexers and spectrophotometers. Spike looked around seeing all the wasted bits in Twilights hobby obsession whatever, Turning his eyes right he caught a sight that made his eyes bug out of his purple head "Twilight! What's Rarity doing here?" "Darling, I was just going to ask that very same question, Twilight dear why are we here? you know it's rather rude to teleport anypony without some sort of notice" Rarity looked at her predicament seeing that both she and the dragon were lashed down to their respective tables. Twilight was busying herself with the typical mad scientist things like in Shining Armors comic books, monologing between maniacal laughter as lightning cracked through the basement windows on a crystal clear day. Fluttershy was dressed in a nurses uniform answering to Twilights summon for an expert on endangered species, her thermometer melted as she read the numbers "Well duh I'm a fire breathing dragon!" Flutterbutter eyed him like any good nurse with the bedside manors of worn out sandpaper "Then maybe I should stick it in your bottom end, would that be colder if you don't mind that is?" Nurse Shy blushed "It is a cute little tooshy, I can see why Rarity likes it". Spike just squirmed as Rarity spoke up "I would prefer it if our tooshies were freed my dearest Fluttershy". Spike looked at Miss marsh mellow as her temperature was taken "Rarity, I'm sorry I couldn't give you that romantic getaway like you've always dreamed of, looks like we're at Twilights mercy, I've never seen her like this, ever". Fluttershy hummed as she spoke "That's alright Spike you'll be released just as soon as Twilight breeds you two like cute little bunnies!". Raritys mane bristled as she heard the news "Fluttershy you know this lady wishes to be romanced courted and swept off her hooves, Not bred like one of Applejacks barnyard animals". Spike whimpered "I sort of like the old fashioned way too". Shy took a glass and half filled it with water and let Rarity have a sip the turned to Spike to do the same when Spike asked "Can you loosen these so I can better hold the glass so you can tend to other stuff". Flutters thought for a minute "I guess so you're not going anywhere without her". She loosened the strap a bit and handed Spike the glass to where he whispered into her nearest ear. Rarity watched them both wishing to be anywhere else but when Flutterbutters wings popped up under her uniform trapping her with a "Meep"? and an "Oh My!" Spike raced to Raritys straps "Precious scales how'd you undo your straps so quickly!" "Hair brushes with opposable thumbs!" her release from the straps was instant and they galloped, waddled and stumbled from the basement as Twilight freed Fluttershy from her fabric prison "Oh drat I wasn't finished I wanted to surprise them". "I think you already did" Fluttershy giggled. After the escapees saw that the mad doctor didn't follow their pace slowed to a trot out through the castles gates "Spike what did you whisper to dear Fluttershy to get such a reaction?" Spikey Wikey blushed as he told her what really went on with Discords little tea parties with the shy Pegasus mare that would inspire even the most deviant Angel Bunny. The Carousel Boutiques back room was dark and quiet as Spike and Rarity gathered and prepared a little lunch with a little cheese n wine. A little relaxing as they reflected on what a weird morning they had from Twilights little flirt with insanity to Raritys little gossip tidbit for her next spa trip with thee Fluttershy the deviant, Spike was feeling quite lucky and after cleaning up picked up Rarity sweeping her off her hooves bridal style. He kissed her cheek looking deeply in her eyes she leaned in for a kiss as Spike turned a cheek to her, Rarity placed her hooves to either side of his head and planted a kiss square on the surprised dragons snoot! Spike was enraptured in her gaze as they waddled up the stares to her inner sanctum the bed awaited for that romantic union only two special ponies can ever wish for. Except Pinkie, she demand cakes whipped cream and cookies with her guys, Spike laid his mare down softly on the bed anticipating that long awaited good stuff! As the two shared a kiss the sheets and blankets ruffled and moved on their own, Startling all who witnessed the haunting Spike and Rarity leaped off to get ready for anything. The ruffling continued until a set of ears popped up to spy the area then a second set joined them. White kitty ears with a pink bow and a long set of bunny ears. "So that's where my babys been, Come to mommy!" Rarity cooed at her Opal kitty but the ears froze nervous at their discovery "Opal baby what's wrong?" Spike pulled back the covers to find "Ewww what a mess!" Rarity shrieked recoiling at the sight as Spike gasped watching Angel Bunny thrusting his hips as Opal smiled a very contented grin at all of Equestria. Raritys magical mist enveloped a dust broom "Scat! SCAT! Wait till I get my hooves on you!" Spike dodged the attack as Angel blew raspberries hopping through out the boutique Spike winced with every crash boom and falling dress form as his fashionable banshee unleashed hell at the fleeing Casanova Bunny who defiled her Baby Snookims. Spike could only look down at his fair ladys puss "Well I hope you think it's worth it" He place his claw between his eyes and let out a breath "We're not going to hear the end of it". Twilights and Fluttershys cutie marks flashed as the same circled over the map hovering over the Carousel Boutique "Come on Fluttershy I wonder what is needed at Raritys place? I bet Spike needs one of my super duper lectures on the birds and the bees!" Stupid Future ReviledStupid Future Reviled "I don't see what good it is to apologize after all that goofy dress was only a little scorched around the edges and her hair did grow back" Discord floated along "It's not like she'll even care if I don't drop by to make amends besides Spike said we were cool". Twilight marched on, Her mind on a friendship lesson mission "What do you think Fluttershy would say?" her one eye brow arched in a knowing display of 'got cha!' His deflated serpentine body limply flew through the air like one of Pinkies defective balloons coming to rest at her hooves "Oh poo you know Spikes main squeeze is nothing but a silly drama queen looking for fame and fortune, she's what you call a common diamond digger. It would do them both better if they found somepony else to get their jollies". Twilight stepped over the deflated Discord not even waiting for his return to blimpiness, her turning to face him only at the front entry of Raritys garishly decorated "Carousel Boutique" not to be confused with her "Canterlot Boutique" or her "Rarity for You" in Manehatten and surely not with Barnyard Bargains "Frocks R Us" stores located in most Equestrian Malls across the nation. No this was the tribunal he was slated for the place where Twilight thought he needed to go or Princess Twilight "the squealer stool pigeon" Sparkle would tattle on him to Fluttershy and no guy would ever confess to being ponywhipped. Well except Spike and everyone knew how ponywhipped he was to that drama queen of a mare. "Some Princess of Friendship" A poofy flash on the door handle deposited a droopy Discord on it's well polished surface no doubt the work of a brave dragon hero turned willing slave. "Lets get this over with I'm surely not going to let this get in the way of my usual tea time". Rarity frowned as she saw the two enter her shop. It was a Monday, Sweetie Belle made breakfast again, Spike was busy elsewhere, Four orders were returned for no good reasons other then for the usual refund after damage and some prankster pony left a poop bomb in her main lobby, What do you expect they're ponies! Why would today get any better? The number one prankster who played light bright with the crystal map was here! The boob who had made the conditions ripe for Spike to give her underside bits a little flash burn! Rarity let out a huff thinking she's had enough horse shit for the day as it is. "Well well well if it isn't the mad scientist and her chaotic mismatched minion, Twilight had her moment and I can forgive her little prank as for you..." Discord cut her short "That dress just needed a little pressing and as for the rest it grew back!" Ratity snorted " You embarrassed my dear Spikey and I not to mention my discomfort and damages". "Like I said it's all better and besides Spikes got wings he's his own dragon now". "As for Spike he's innocent for his untimely flames but YOU almost had him burn my teats off with your little stunt!" "Like I have any influence over Celestias pen pals!" Discord crossed his arms raising to his full height "Does your little Spikey Wikey know you use such language? And here he's always praising how his Princess Smarity Ah Rarity was a lady who would accept a genuine apology". "Well it is a Monday after all what do you expect a spontaneous song and dance number? I really can't see what Fluttershy sees in a nasty character such as you". Twilight watched the painful exchange continue her patience drawing to her wits end "Will you two just apologize already!" The bickering stopped and the two oral combatants looked at the book horse with fire in their eyes, As if she had no friggin clue to the ramifications of butting in somepony else's business. A snap of a talon finished off where a butinsky book horse started. "Now where were we?" In a flash Twilight popped into existence as Spike yelled "Awe come on! doesn't anyone knock anymore?" his marely magazine clutched over his lap his duty only half done "It's bad enough Starlight keeps prancing in when I'm . . .Gesh this is so embarrassing, We need to invest in some locks". Twilight had nothing to say the fumes made her eyes water and if the bathroom walls of crystal were painted it would of pealed off "Maybe we need to invest in some industrial air freshener too". Spike yelled again "I heard that!" huffing out another deposit in the community pool "Like yours don't stink either!" "So shall we finish our negotiations over tea?" Rarity trotted into her kitchen giving no choice to her guest but to follow. "It so happens I have my own very special brand of tea for just this occasion" The Lord of Chaos snapped a paw as an ornate dragon tea set flashed to life on Raritys kitchen table it's Spike shaped tea pot whizzing into a cup relieving itself of his steaming contents with it's over sized spout. Rarity stared at the vulgar little pisser pot, only in Prance would you see a statue refilling a watering fountain in public in such a deviant display or now on her kitchen table. Her mouth opened and closed in a slow rhythm like a coy fish enjoying a lazy afternoon in the sun after a satisfying meal. Discord moved his talon under her chin stopping her silent reverence of dragonhood as the little piss pot moved to fill it's third cup. "For your question of "Is it to scale?" I could only imagine the damage he could do to any willing mare to cross his path, As to why I know? Call it a competition in all things male of the species" Discord propped his head off the table in his obviously mismatched arms "or as you girls call it, A dick measuring contest". Rarity shook her head "Discord stop this... Twilight said you were here to apologize" her eyes wondering down to her little tea pot now filling its eighth cup of lusty goodness. "Sugar?" a refined Canterlot voice sang out with a smiling Discord attached as he continued his dealing "I only do this because if I don't, Twilight will rat me out to my dearest little Fluttershy and you know how we love our tea time". "So apologize I'm waiting" Rarity tapped the hoof in tempo of a time piece waiting to ring. Discord looked into her eyes "I have something much better, I have that answer to that little itch that you've been wanting to scratch so very very badly". "What itch are you referring to Discord if this is another prank so help me I'll..." Discord gave her a boop on her muzzle with his out stretched paw her eyes derped out as the kitchen she knew was filled with foals, dancing foals, singing foals, foals with dirty diapers, screaming foals. One filly with a snow white coat delicately pranced into view her mane a miniature violate coiffure of the mighty Raritys bouncing with each of her elegant steps she turned to hold a fashionable pose a pleasant smile on her lips. It was then a monstrous sneeze erupted with flame smoke and mucous, lots and lots mucous, That is also when Rarity saw the tiny bits of added draconic extras. Her little hoovesies had petit claws at their ends, that sweet smile exposed razor sharp fangs and a soft underbelly of smooth sky blue scales from her bottom to under that mucous covered chin. The little abomination swept away the oozing mucous with a set of clumsy hoofs drawn across her muzzle still smiling oblivious to gravity that promptly pulled her face first into the tea set. "Welcome to "The Bribe Is Right" a game show of luck and skill, Yes you too can be the mother of these fine abominations along with a cast of others." A pongon strutted into view it's prismatic colors and swagger matching Rainbow Dash its feathers singed from its own fire and boasting speed above all else. Another pink dracony rolled across the table her bubbly laughter punctuated by blasts of confetti out both its ends as one orange hybride stood silently eating an apple watching all the circus acts running around the pissing tea pot who was soon to be running out of cups. All the foals but one faded away as Rarity reached out to them "Discord what in Celestias name is all this for?" A clank was heard as the Spikey thee dragon tea pot who finished pouring was sitting drinking while watching the little parade of foals face palmed at Raritys question. "What?" she asked to no one in particular. Another clank was heard. The little white hybrid crossed her hooves a look of 'What type of mother is this?' on her snout. Discord scowled his attention drawn to the tea pot and pongon "See what'd I tell you she's too prissy and stuck up to have any little abominations no matter how much they wish to come into being, I'll have to tell Fluttershy her idea of..." Rarity interrupted his lamentation "What about Fluttershy? What does Spikey and I have to do with her?" Discord again snapped his talon his features full of dread a faint figure slowly and shyly gathered in a mist a pink mane and a fluffy pink tail covered her as she crept forward to the center of the table next to the tea pot and the other figments of Discords imagination. The little yellow whiffet nervously twiddled with her paws as she shyly coiled her serpentine tail around her like a protective blanket the fluffy pink end partly covering her face, It had Fluttershys eyes. "She doesn't want our future hybrid to be alone when ponies eventually call her an abomination like I was..." Discord uncharacteristically conducted himself as a complete gentlecolt with a top hat and tie as he explained the in's and out's of Twilights experiments and her project spinoff in studying the hippogriffs into the hypothesizing that hybrid species are possible resulting in Fluttershys desires to rock Discords world. "It's always the shy ones you have to look out for" Rarity giggled as the news finally sank into her that the well equipped tea pots counterpart was more then just a great brushing machine but also a scratching post for her motherly itch "For Spikey and Fluttershy's happiness!" Discord gasped in surprise " But what about me?" Rarity snorted and leaned over the table "We'll see , You're still on my short list". The two figments of parenthood looked at each other with a growing worry "Whoa she's going to be a tough costumer" As Spikey the dragon tea pot danced the jig giving a double thumbs up as he prematurely spurted tea all over the cream and sugar. "Yes, a very short list and this tea pot isn't helping you any". Now That's Really StupidNOW THAT'S REALLY STUPID Spike the Great & Honorable Brave & Glorious number one assistant little draconic brother to Twilight Sparkle the Princess of Friendship the purple praiseworthy prominent prized student of Celestias School of Gifted Unicorns personally schooled by the Sun Princess herself the mover and shaker of the sun that shines over the land of her little ponies in Equestria the leader who does absolutely nothing to lift a hoof after getting her plot busted wide open by the Bug horse Queen in equestrian combat. Now where were we? Stupid monolog . . . Dang nab it where were we? Oh yes Spike! Spike was racing along the cobble stone paths with his buddy Discord. Well not actually racing but running across town to answer the calls of their snuggly crushes to meet them at the Ponyville hospital, Not that it involved any real emergency from injury or attacks from the usual baddies, monsters or uglys that bumped in the night. "What'd you do this time Discord?" Spike muttered between clinched fangs as he caught his breath "Can't you just lay off the pranks for a while, You know how high strung she can get". "Really Garbunkle you make it sound like the 'Lord of Chaos' doesn't have any restraint" Discord stopped for dramatic effect an evil grin growing like the weeds in a spring garden full of vegies "Speaking of low blows have you and Miss Priss your living marsh mellow get any further then second base?" Spike stumbled and developed a sudden case of wing boners in both his airborne used appendages, bellowing like parachutes his speed was reduced to that of doped up snails going up a rain slicked window. As he tumbled back from the point of his stiff little tail he floundered on his back like Tank the tortoise after a lettuce binder. A furious Spike wiggled and wobbled but he couldn't get up, not at all. "DISCORD!" A snap of talon or paw was all he needed. Well not really... You'll see. Spike awoke in the midst the Stupid map table thingy room surrounded by the most beautiful batch or maybe a half dozen of wide eyed hybrid dragon pony foals "Whoa where'd they come from" He watched the armored flame throwing rug rats scampering and gnawing on the crystal thrones (And some times each other). That stupid map table thingy saw early signs of distress with its edges rounded and ginormous holes where some major cities once existed. Twilight burst out of the basement laboratory yelling "Spike! Spike ! I need you to get with the foal making again! I need more specimens to study so get with it Romeo". A look of pure terror crossed Spikes snout as the manic grin grew on Twilights face. Sooner then later the laser beams were going to be installed on the friggin heads of her pongon foal army... So much for the element of nerd. "Discord what are are ..." Spike was at a loss for words the images of burning diapers one piece rompers and drooling happy little mutant abominations wrestling with each other as the flashes of laser weapons cut swaths of destruction across the crystal structure and whom had obvious signs of parentage displayed in his wide open emerald eyeballs straight to the brain was too much. Discord had his fun as the carnage of the Crystal castle faded from view to be replaced by the glass wall of the maternity ward of Ponyville General Hospital with a not so amused alabaster high strung unicorn who's last intact nerve was ready to snap. "Well look who's making it a priority to be on my really short short list! I'm sure Fluttershy would like to hear about how you're thirty two seconds late and what did you do to my Spikey Wikey?" Rarity pulled her precious scales into a hug "He looks absolutely shocked! What did you do!" She had one nerve and easily Discord was on it. "I'm waiting!" Discord noting her furious fuming ready to kick draconequus flank look and knowing she didn't have the raw power of little Miss Commune Starlight Glimmer laughed in her face pointing at her with an out stretched claw "I gave Spike a preview of foals to come" Discord tapped her horn with his claw once then twice then thrice. Her blush exploded with her hidden desires. Raritys eyes glimmered "I can't see what Fluttershy sees in a beast like you, She's waiting...You, you you". They turned to look through the glass wall of the maternity ward. Standing in all her buttery glory was Fluttershy holding a basket and in that colorful basket was Opalescence. A proud Angle Bunny stood on top of Flutterbutters head showing HARE TOXIC MASCULINITY as he pointed to his handy work. For with Raritys little innocent Opalescence was a very large litter of mutant Opalanglescense babies! Spike and Rarity were awestruck with the sight as Discord stared at Fluttershys butt buttery goodness as she carefully set the basket with the other new borne and not so mutant foals. New life innocent, pure and full of the future until. "The best things about foals is making them" Discord snickered. A flustered Rarity dropped her dragon and hugged her tail to her chest as it covered everything mare her face burning with embarrassment. "Well that's what Big Mac says at our little get togethers of Ogres and Oubliettes even Skellinor found it funny" Discord had to lay it on thick "Fluttershy and I are thinking about foals even" Spike wanted nothing more then to be somewhere else when he heard Raritys response to Discords crass oration. "I'm sure you and Fluttershy will have fine foals, No offense to our lovely Miss Fluttershy. but my Precious Scales and I will have fabulous little ones, They will be the talk of the town!" Top that you mismatched 'Lord of Tacky Attire'. "Really" Discord scoffed. "Yeah!" Spike joyfully chirped. "Of course my Spikey Wikey" Take that Discord! "We can have them right now!" Spike said happily his eyes sparkling, filled with the reflection of a very blushing Rarity. "How amorous my bold dragon, but can't we wait for a more private time?" What have I done? " I might of zoned out on most of Twilights lectures, but I know we can do it right here right now! It's the perfect time" "Spikey?" she paused for effect " Are you sure?" "We can start by kissing, You know. Just look at all the foals! I'm as ready as I can ever be!" "Spike?" "Yes, Anything for you my lady!" "Do you know where foals come from?" "Well duh, We're at the Hospital already we just have to wait for the delivery of our special dragon pony hybrids". Spike smiled widely "Do you think they'll come in a basket like the rest or like me at Celestias school in an egg?" Raritys mouth hit the floor. Spike happily eyed the foals through the glass and as he did he heard Rarity face plant. Her makeup permanently marking where she impacted hard with that "Now That's Really Stupid" look. Her fabulous curls hiding everything. Spike turned and could only look in amazement "Right on Rarity! That's the way to go! Pinkie Pie would be proud!" Discord couldn't be any more amused either. And Raritys short list got even shorter.
Not Another WordNot Another Word Another day another adventure in the market square of the little hamlet called Ponyville as Twilight Sparkle the Princess of Friendship was out and about on this fine spring morning, actually more like noon but not quite lunch time but way after brunch. She was relaxed and meandering, looking for more provisions for the crystal castles kitchens pantry. You know the pantry that was stocked full last week just before typhoon Pinkie ravaged it like Angel Bunny on a binder. Bags of all sizes were floating along behind her gripped softly in her magical field, tomatoes, beets, grapes, oranges, lettuce bunches, tuna... you got the idea food, grub oats hay and ice cream and lots of it. Her trek took her to that famous apple farmer Equestrian hero the bucker of bad guys and rodeos, but not one to boast herself Applejack, who was eyeing those nasty oranges that Twilight had paid a load of hard working bits for, Not that oranges were evil or anything but you know it's Applejacks pet peeve to have her prize winning tasty apples be second fiddle to a lumpy pealing seed spitting sour sunny fruit thingy that does better juicing then munching any day of the week and twice on Sunday! "Why howdy there Twilight what can I do ya for today?" Miss Applejack AKA Apple Jewel greeted the purple nerd as she unrolled her extensive shopping list. "Hi, Applejack I need a whole complement of what you have, I've got to resupply after Pinkie's last get together and maybe throw in some extra pork loin, pork shanks. bacon, hams and beef stakes, briskets and fifty bags of hamburger." What do you expect for a growing dragon living with ponies a vegan gem fest? As the supplies were bagged and loaded into Big Macs cart for the trip to the magic crystal castle of Grey Skull....Of FRIENDSHIP! Friendship. A buzzing sound came out of flanking nowhere, A sound like the signal you get when the party on the other end just doesn't want to talk to you even with caller ID activated? The two Equestrian heros looked to their butts for the answer to that question, Who was on their other end of their ends? The Map! That bothersome map. "Big Mac quit making goo goo eyes at Sugar Belle and watch Twilights stuff, better yet finish loading everything and deliver it later, We got to go it's an emergency!" AJ continued "Big Mac you listening to me? We're going!" His answer was a simple sigh as they saw Angel Bunny sitting on top of Twilights pile of loot eyeing the vegies with a sharks deadly scowl. The two galloped down or was it up the cobble stone path to the other side of the town meeting Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie on the way. They saw that she had a bounce to her hops and a spring to her mane so they figured it was safe that she was trotting along with scissors and not her usual cannon, bazooka or other weapons of mass destruction. "Hi ya Twi Twi what's getting messed up today, Is Equestria being threatened again by a meanie bad guy like Dr. Evil with Mini Me and sharks with friggin laser beams on their heads?" Miss Pie continued "like he'll blow everything for a million bits?" Twilight rebuffed her "Pinkie, It's blow up Equestria not blow Equestria"... " Awe but it's more fun my way" Pinkie beamed as Fluttershy was seen pawing at the castles massive doors on the threes approach to that final destination. The castle was quiet inside other then the clopping of hooves and all the cutie marks flashing on 'hold'. They came close to the map it's surface was cold and bare, nothing but a waft of green smoke hung in the air that alerted the group of a pending possible ambush, crouching and carefully coming closer on their tippy hooves ,slowly they moved step by step hoof by hoof they stalked the... "I see you there! Rarity what are you doing hiding behind the map?" Rainbow 'I'm sneakier after guzzling cider after an awesome day with the Wonderbolts"' Dash yelled as she hovered above everypony. A fashionable purple mane with a few stray locks of hair slowly rose above the edge of the table map thingy followed by a set of blue eyes with a smears of eye shadow on her fur of white and only one false eyelash, she gracefully looked at the others clearing her throat as a lady would as wisps of green smoke spiraled out of her nostrils "Hello darlings I was just trying on my new frock, what brings you all here?" AJ was first to bring up the obvious "Are you alright there sugar cube? You look like you just finished the Running of the Leaves". "Darling Applejack of course I'm quite alright I assure you, My new dress was just a little difficult to get into that's all" She bolted straight upright and let out a little gasping whinny as she adjusted the fabric. Sweat and moist cloth started to show as the fashion mare began to sluggishly step away. "What's with the extra tail?" Pinkie giggled pointing to Raritys bustle as the others started to look the tail zipped out of sight. "Nothing darling you must of seen the slip". Rarity turned for the nearest exit only to be blocked by Twilight "Are you sure you're okay? The map called us here is your cutie mark flashing too?" Spikes muffled voice could be heard "Nope it not flashing here!" A swift knee stopped the hidden conversation as Rarity spoke up "Oh look Spike must be waking up! I'll just go up stares and fetch him". Rarity stumbled and weaved towards the stare case arguing and pulling with her reluctant frock as the tapping of claws rang out on the crystal floors. Fluttershy stopped the fashion mare looking at her hooves "Rarity if you don't mind if I check your hooves it sounds like you might have a loose shoe, If it's okay, I'd hate to see you get hurt". The unicorn froze and slowly lifted the hem of the dress and held back a giggle as an obvious movement wrapped around her barrel under the fabric. Flutterbutter inspected the hooves in question, finding nothing she glanced up and "eep". A bright blush crossed her muzzle as her wings popped up in a massive wing boner "PoompH!" ... With the attention of the group now centered on the yellow one The Lady Rarity made for a hasty retreat for the castles mess hall her steps were cut short as a loud belch brought everyponies attention to the light show under Raritys belly. The silhouette of a dragon hanging upside down beating furiously at a ladys under garments trying to quell the flames of a scroll delivery. Raritys screaming bucking spinning and pealing off the fiery wrapping was quite the show as Spike sat on the ashes his snoot covered in smeared red lipstick. All the ponies stared at the sight holding back the flood gates of laughter as Rarity gathered every shred of modesty next to that stupid map table magic thingy. A crack of thunder and a cackling guffaw filled the castle from the Lord of Chaos "That map made it so easy, You should see your faces!" A seething Rarity looked at all those friends of hers and her dragon "Not another word!"
In the Name of ScienceIn the Name of Science! The castles pantry was laying in wait, shelves bare of provisions and at the ready for the freshly delivered towering pile of colorful bottles, jars, tins, cans, boxes, bags and shrink wrapped goods of various sizes to be organized and stored on all the naked shelves. Oh, the naked and natural pony. Spikes mind wondered as his claws acted on their own stacking and placing the plethora of munchies on long empty shelves. "Oh Spikey that just feels divine!" as his claws brushed her cutie marks bringing moans of pleasure from the mare of his dreams. The provisions slowly grew in mass as his thoughts continued of an earlier romantic evening "Harder faster please precious yes, Yes, YES!!!" his claws cramped up holding a cucumber bunch as his daydream continued "Oh Spikey Wikey" as the mumbling mare let out a mighty snore, brushed and relaxed after a long hard day at dressmaking. Spike waddled and stretched his wings picking up a warm fuzzy blanket from the dresser, He returned slowly strategizing on how he could cover a mare in her delicate position, Her muzzle mashed into the pillow and her rump high in the air with her front hooves crossed under her neck. He looked at that wonder of wonders curling up to the ceiling, Spike knew when a mare gets turned on that silly tail was sure to flag the world of stallions that she was willing ready and able! "Whoa, She really likes being brushed". Spike flapped his wings and sloppily hovered lightly gripping the curly strands of pure silky delight. "Okay, big guy, you got this" he pulled down on the ponut lever wanting her body to follow it down to the sheets below but all he got rewarded with was a loud "PPPPPhhhhhhhrrraaaapppppppp piddle pop pop Freep!" Spike gasped and held his breath thinking of that old joke with that old curmudgeon at the park pestering his grand foals by saying "Pull my hoof!" His rapid decent was arrested as he forced down her tail but his much needed concentration was lost like any breathable air remaining in his lungs, thank the stars that he didn't sneeze as the combustible gasses would of wrecked any thoughts any snuggling. Spike squeezed his eyes in concentration and "SPRONG!" Her naturally curly fashion accessary sprang back like a flag pole in a parade. Any idea of a soft landing expired as precious scales sailed through the air. He watched the collide-oscope of crystal colors corroborate his coming collision. Spike winced as the thought of his being smashed like a bug on a wall brought him back to the task at hand. Stocking the pantry. Our extremely brave hero of the crystal empire grasped the next lot of containers reading the ornate labels he let out a gasp and stared at the contents listed "Formula Foal" A natural well rounded nutritional supplement for growing healthy foals of all types, Earth, Pegasus and Unicorn foals...foals; foals! The pantry started spinning, faster and faster then his world went black, quiet and black "Thud". "Spike? Spike wake up" Twilights voice welcomed the dragon to the waking world " Spike are you okay?" His shaking the cobwebs from his noodle answered his... his sister? mother? master? Princess? question? "Ah Twilight?" Spike had a single odd question "I was wondering if I" he stammered thinking of the cans of foal formula "I was thinking" he continued with a nervous chuckle "Is it possible for ponies and dragons to you know..." Spike went all out scientific "can they have foals?" He slapped both claws over his mouth squinting his eyes thinking THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST STUPID QUESTION LIKE IN FOREVER! In a blazing flash of teleportation magic Twilight had her number one assistant laying on an examining table with every modern investigative device strapped to his body. The basement laboratory slash torcher chamber was alive with specimens and vials and beakers and dishes and stirrers and pipettes and incubators and sonicators and homogenizers and vortexers and spectrophotometers. Spike looked around seeing all the wasted bits in Twilights hobby obsession whatever, Turning his eyes right he caught a sight that made his eyes bug out of his purple head "Twilight! What's Rarity doing here?" "Darling, I was just going to ask that very same question, Twilight dear why are we here? you know it's rather rude to teleport anypony without some sort of notice" Rarity looked at her predicament seeing that both she and the dragon were lashed down to their respective tables. Twilight was busying herself with the typical mad scientist things like in Shining Armors comic books, monologing between maniacal laughter as lightning cracked through the basement windows on a crystal clear day. Fluttershy was dressed in a nurses uniform answering to Twilights summon for an expert on endangered species, her thermometer melted as she read the numbers "Well duh I'm a fire breathing dragon!" Flutterbutter eyed him like any good nurse with the bedside manors of worn out sandpaper "Then maybe I should stick it in your bottom end, would that be colder if you don't mind that is?" Nurse Shy blushed "It is a cute little tooshy, I can see why Rarity likes it". Spike just squirmed as Rarity spoke up "I would prefer it if our tooshies were freed my dearest Fluttershy". Spike looked at Miss marsh mellow as her temperature was taken "Rarity, I'm sorry I couldn't give you that romantic getaway like you've always dreamed of, looks like we're at Twilights mercy, I've never seen her like this, ever". Fluttershy hummed as she spoke "That's alright Spike you'll be released just as soon as Twilight breeds you two like cute little bunnies!". Raritys mane bristled as she heard the news "Fluttershy you know this lady wishes to be romanced courted and swept off her hooves, Not bred like one of Applejacks barnyard animals". Spike whimpered "I sort of like the old fashioned way too". Shy took a glass and half filled it with water and let Rarity have a sip the turned to Spike to do the same when Spike asked "Can you loosen these so I can better hold the glass so you can tend to other stuff". Flutters thought for a minute "I guess so you're not going anywhere without her". She loosened the strap a bit and handed Spike the glass to where he whispered into her nearest ear. Rarity watched them both wishing to be anywhere else but when Flutterbutters wings popped up under her uniform trapping her with a "Meep"? and an "Oh My!" Spike raced to Raritys straps "Precious scales how'd you undo your straps so quickly!" "Hair brushes with opposable thumbs!" her release from the straps was instant and they galloped, waddled and stumbled from the basement as Twilight freed Fluttershy from her fabric prison "Oh drat I wasn't finished I wanted to surprise them". "I think you already did" Fluttershy giggled. After the escapees saw that the mad doctor didn't follow their pace slowed to a trot out through the castles gates "Spike what did you whisper to dear Fluttershy to get such a reaction?" Spikey Wikey blushed as he told her what really went on with Discords little tea parties with the shy Pegasus mare that would inspire even the most deviant Angel Bunny. The Carousel Boutiques back room was dark and quiet as Spike and Rarity gathered and prepared a little lunch with a little cheese n wine. A little relaxing as they reflected on what a weird morning they had from Twilights little flirt with insanity to Raritys little gossip tidbit for her next spa trip with thee Fluttershy the deviant, Spike was feeling quite lucky and after cleaning up picked up Rarity sweeping her off her hooves bridal style. He kissed her cheek looking deeply in her eyes she leaned in for a kiss as Spike turned a cheek to her, Rarity placed her hooves to either side of his head and planted a kiss square on the surprised dragons snoot! Spike was enraptured in her gaze as they waddled up the stares to her inner sanctum the bed awaited for that romantic union only two special ponies can ever wish for. Except Pinkie, she demand cakes whipped cream and cookies with her guys, Spike laid his mare down softly on the bed anticipating that long awaited good stuff! As the two shared a kiss the sheets and blankets ruffled and moved on their own, Startling all who witnessed the haunting Spike and Rarity leaped off to get ready for anything. The ruffling continued until a set of ears popped up to spy the area then a second set joined them. White kitty ears with a pink bow and a long set of bunny ears. "So that's where my babys been, Come to mommy!" Rarity cooed at her Opal kitty but the ears froze nervous at their discovery "Opal baby what's wrong?" Spike pulled back the covers to find "Ewww what a mess!" Rarity shrieked recoiling at the sight as Spike gasped watching Angel Bunny thrusting his hips as Opal smiled a very contented grin at all of Equestria. Raritys magical mist enveloped a dust broom "Scat! SCAT! Wait till I get my hooves on you!" Spike dodged the attack as Angel blew raspberries hopping through out the boutique Spike winced with every crash boom and falling dress form as his fashionable banshee unleashed hell at the fleeing Casanova Bunny who defiled her Baby Snookims. Spike could only look down at his fair ladys puss "Well I hope you think it's worth it" He place his claw between his eyes and let out a breath "We're not going to hear the end of it". Twilights and Fluttershys cutie marks flashed as the same circled over the map hovering over the Carousel Boutique "Come on Fluttershy I wonder what is needed at Raritys place? I bet Spike needs one of my super duper lectures on the birds and the bees!"
Stupid Future ReviledStupid Future Reviled "I don't see what good it is to apologize after all that goofy dress was only a little scorched around the edges and her hair did grow back" Discord floated along "It's not like she'll even care if I don't drop by to make amends besides Spike said we were cool". Twilight marched on, Her mind on a friendship lesson mission "What do you think Fluttershy would say?" her one eye brow arched in a knowing display of 'got cha!' His deflated serpentine body limply flew through the air like one of Pinkies defective balloons coming to rest at her hooves "Oh poo you know Spikes main squeeze is nothing but a silly drama queen looking for fame and fortune, she's what you call a common diamond digger. It would do them both better if they found somepony else to get their jollies". Twilight stepped over the deflated Discord not even waiting for his return to blimpiness, her turning to face him only at the front entry of Raritys garishly decorated "Carousel Boutique" not to be confused with her "Canterlot Boutique" or her "Rarity for You" in Manehatten and surely not with Barnyard Bargains "Frocks R Us" stores located in most Equestrian Malls across the nation. No this was the tribunal he was slated for the place where Twilight thought he needed to go or Princess Twilight "the squealer stool pigeon" Sparkle would tattle on him to Fluttershy and no guy would ever confess to being ponywhipped. Well except Spike and everyone knew how ponywhipped he was to that drama queen of a mare. "Some Princess of Friendship" A poofy flash on the door handle deposited a droopy Discord on it's well polished surface no doubt the work of a brave dragon hero turned willing slave. "Lets get this over with I'm surely not going to let this get in the way of my usual tea time". Rarity frowned as she saw the two enter her shop. It was a Monday, Sweetie Belle made breakfast again, Spike was busy elsewhere, Four orders were returned for no good reasons other then for the usual refund after damage and some prankster pony left a poop bomb in her main lobby, What do you expect they're ponies! Why would today get any better? The number one prankster who played light bright with the crystal map was here! The boob who had made the conditions ripe for Spike to give her underside bits a little flash burn! Rarity let out a huff thinking she's had enough horse shit for the day as it is. "Well well well if it isn't the mad scientist and her chaotic mismatched minion, Twilight had her moment and I can forgive her little prank as for you..." Discord cut her short "That dress just needed a little pressing and as for the rest it grew back!" Ratity snorted " You embarrassed my dear Spikey and I not to mention my discomfort and damages". "Like I said it's all better and besides Spikes got wings he's his own dragon now". "As for Spike he's innocent for his untimely flames but YOU almost had him burn my teats off with your little stunt!" "Like I have any influence over Celestias pen pals!" Discord crossed his arms raising to his full height "Does your little Spikey Wikey know you use such language? And here he's always praising how his Princess Smarity Ah Rarity was a lady who would accept a genuine apology". "Well it is a Monday after all what do you expect a spontaneous song and dance number? I really can't see what Fluttershy sees in a nasty character such as you". Twilight watched the painful exchange continue her patience drawing to her wits end "Will you two just apologize already!" The bickering stopped and the two oral combatants looked at the book horse with fire in their eyes, As if she had no friggin clue to the ramifications of butting in somepony else's business. A snap of a talon finished off where a butinsky book horse started. "Now where were we?" In a flash Twilight popped into existence as Spike yelled "Awe come on! doesn't anyone knock anymore?" his marely magazine clutched over his lap his duty only half done "It's bad enough Starlight keeps prancing in when I'm . . .Gesh this is so embarrassing, We need to invest in some locks". Twilight had nothing to say the fumes made her eyes water and if the bathroom walls of crystal were painted it would of pealed off "Maybe we need to invest in some industrial air freshener too". Spike yelled again "I heard that!" huffing out another deposit in the community pool "Like yours don't stink either!" "So shall we finish our negotiations over tea?" Rarity trotted into her kitchen giving no choice to her guest but to follow. "It so happens I have my own very special brand of tea for just this occasion" The Lord of Chaos snapped a paw as an ornate dragon tea set flashed to life on Raritys kitchen table it's Spike shaped tea pot whizzing into a cup relieving itself of his steaming contents with it's over sized spout. Rarity stared at the vulgar little pisser pot, only in Prance would you see a statue refilling a watering fountain in public in such a deviant display or now on her kitchen table. Her mouth opened and closed in a slow rhythm like a coy fish enjoying a lazy afternoon in the sun after a satisfying meal. Discord moved his talon under her chin stopping her silent reverence of dragonhood as the little piss pot moved to fill it's third cup. "For your question of "Is it to scale?" I could only imagine the damage he could do to any willing mare to cross his path, As to why I know? Call it a competition in all things male of the species" Discord propped his head off the table in his obviously mismatched arms "or as you girls call it, A dick measuring contest". Rarity shook her head "Discord stop this... Twilight said you were here to apologize" her eyes wondering down to her little tea pot now filling its eighth cup of lusty goodness. "Sugar?" a refined Canterlot voice sang out with a smiling Discord attached as he continued his dealing "I only do this because if I don't, Twilight will rat me out to my dearest little Fluttershy and you know how we love our tea time". "So apologize I'm waiting" Rarity tapped the hoof in tempo of a time piece waiting to ring. Discord looked into her eyes "I have something much better, I have that answer to that little itch that you've been wanting to scratch so very very badly". "What itch are you referring to Discord if this is another prank so help me I'll..." Discord gave her a boop on her muzzle with his out stretched paw her eyes derped out as the kitchen she knew was filled with foals, dancing foals, singing foals, foals with dirty diapers, screaming foals. One filly with a snow white coat delicately pranced into view her mane a miniature violate coiffure of the mighty Raritys bouncing with each of her elegant steps she turned to hold a fashionable pose a pleasant smile on her lips. It was then a monstrous sneeze erupted with flame smoke and mucous, lots and lots mucous, That is also when Rarity saw the tiny bits of added draconic extras. Her little hoovesies had petit claws at their ends, that sweet smile exposed razor sharp fangs and a soft underbelly of smooth sky blue scales from her bottom to under that mucous covered chin. The little abomination swept away the oozing mucous with a set of clumsy hoofs drawn across her muzzle still smiling oblivious to gravity that promptly pulled her face first into the tea set. "Welcome to "The Bribe Is Right" a game show of luck and skill, Yes you too can be the mother of these fine abominations along with a cast of others." A pongon strutted into view it's prismatic colors and swagger matching Rainbow Dash its feathers singed from its own fire and boasting speed above all else. Another pink dracony rolled across the table her bubbly laughter punctuated by blasts of confetti out both its ends as one orange hybride stood silently eating an apple watching all the circus acts running around the pissing tea pot who was soon to be running out of cups. All the foals but one faded away as Rarity reached out to them "Discord what in Celestias name is all this for?" A clank was heard as the Spikey thee dragon tea pot who finished pouring was sitting drinking while watching the little parade of foals face palmed at Raritys question. "What?" she asked to no one in particular. Another clank was heard. The little white hybrid crossed her hooves a look of 'What type of mother is this?' on her snout. Discord scowled his attention drawn to the tea pot and pongon "See what'd I tell you she's too prissy and stuck up to have any little abominations no matter how much they wish to come into being, I'll have to tell Fluttershy her idea of..." Rarity interrupted his lamentation "What about Fluttershy? What does Spikey and I have to do with her?" Discord again snapped his talon his features full of dread a faint figure slowly and shyly gathered in a mist a pink mane and a fluffy pink tail covered her as she crept forward to the center of the table next to the tea pot and the other figments of Discords imagination. The little yellow whiffet nervously twiddled with her paws as she shyly coiled her serpentine tail around her like a protective blanket the fluffy pink end partly covering her face, It had Fluttershys eyes. "She doesn't want our future hybrid to be alone when ponies eventually call her an abomination like I was..." Discord uncharacteristically conducted himself as a complete gentlecolt with a top hat and tie as he explained the in's and out's of Twilights experiments and her project spinoff in studying the hippogriffs into the hypothesizing that hybrid species are possible resulting in Fluttershys desires to rock Discords world. "It's always the shy ones you have to look out for" Rarity giggled as the news finally sank into her that the well equipped tea pots counterpart was more then just a great brushing machine but also a scratching post for her motherly itch "For Spikey and Fluttershy's happiness!" Discord gasped in surprise " But what about me?" Rarity snorted and leaned over the table "We'll see , You're still on my short list". The two figments of parenthood looked at each other with a growing worry "Whoa she's going to be a tough costumer" As Spikey the dragon tea pot danced the jig giving a double thumbs up as he prematurely spurted tea all over the cream and sugar. "Yes, a very short list and this tea pot isn't helping you any".
Now That's Really StupidNOW THAT'S REALLY STUPID Spike the Great & Honorable Brave & Glorious number one assistant little draconic brother to Twilight Sparkle the Princess of Friendship the purple praiseworthy prominent prized student of Celestias School of Gifted Unicorns personally schooled by the Sun Princess herself the mover and shaker of the sun that shines over the land of her little ponies in Equestria the leader who does absolutely nothing to lift a hoof after getting her plot busted wide open by the Bug horse Queen in equestrian combat. Now where were we? Stupid monolog . . . Dang nab it where were we? Oh yes Spike! Spike was racing along the cobble stone paths with his buddy Discord. Well not actually racing but running across town to answer the calls of their snuggly crushes to meet them at the Ponyville hospital, Not that it involved any real emergency from injury or attacks from the usual baddies, monsters or uglys that bumped in the night. "What'd you do this time Discord?" Spike muttered between clinched fangs as he caught his breath "Can't you just lay off the pranks for a while, You know how high strung she can get". "Really Garbunkle you make it sound like the 'Lord of Chaos' doesn't have any restraint" Discord stopped for dramatic effect an evil grin growing like the weeds in a spring garden full of vegies "Speaking of low blows have you and Miss Priss your living marsh mellow get any further then second base?" Spike stumbled and developed a sudden case of wing boners in both his airborne used appendages, bellowing like parachutes his speed was reduced to that of doped up snails going up a rain slicked window. As he tumbled back from the point of his stiff little tail he floundered on his back like Tank the tortoise after a lettuce binder. A furious Spike wiggled and wobbled but he couldn't get up, not at all. "DISCORD!" A snap of talon or paw was all he needed. Well not really... You'll see. Spike awoke in the midst the Stupid map table thingy room surrounded by the most beautiful batch or maybe a half dozen of wide eyed hybrid dragon pony foals "Whoa where'd they come from" He watched the armored flame throwing rug rats scampering and gnawing on the crystal thrones (And some times each other). That stupid map table thingy saw early signs of distress with its edges rounded and ginormous holes where some major cities once existed. Twilight burst out of the basement laboratory yelling "Spike! Spike ! I need you to get with the foal making again! I need more specimens to study so get with it Romeo". A look of pure terror crossed Spikes snout as the manic grin grew on Twilights face. Sooner then later the laser beams were going to be installed on the friggin heads of her pongon foal army... So much for the element of nerd. "Discord what are are ..." Spike was at a loss for words the images of burning diapers one piece rompers and drooling happy little mutant abominations wrestling with each other as the flashes of laser weapons cut swaths of destruction across the crystal structure and whom had obvious signs of parentage displayed in his wide open emerald eyeballs straight to the brain was too much. Discord had his fun as the carnage of the Crystal castle faded from view to be replaced by the glass wall of the maternity ward of Ponyville General Hospital with a not so amused alabaster high strung unicorn who's last intact nerve was ready to snap. "Well look who's making it a priority to be on my really short short list! I'm sure Fluttershy would like to hear about how you're thirty two seconds late and what did you do to my Spikey Wikey?" Rarity pulled her precious scales into a hug "He looks absolutely shocked! What did you do!" She had one nerve and easily Discord was on it. "I'm waiting!" Discord noting her furious fuming ready to kick draconequus flank look and knowing she didn't have the raw power of little Miss Commune Starlight Glimmer laughed in her face pointing at her with an out stretched claw "I gave Spike a preview of foals to come" Discord tapped her horn with his claw once then twice then thrice. Her blush exploded with her hidden desires. Raritys eyes glimmered "I can't see what Fluttershy sees in a beast like you, She's waiting...You, you you". They turned to look through the glass wall of the maternity ward. Standing in all her buttery glory was Fluttershy holding a basket and in that colorful basket was Opalescence. A proud Angle Bunny stood on top of Flutterbutters head showing HARE TOXIC MASCULINITY as he pointed to his handy work. For with Raritys little innocent Opalescence was a very large litter of mutant Opalanglescense babies! Spike and Rarity were awestruck with the sight as Discord stared at Fluttershys butt buttery goodness as she carefully set the basket with the other new borne and not so mutant foals. New life innocent, pure and full of the future until. "The best things about foals is making them" Discord snickered. A flustered Rarity dropped her dragon and hugged her tail to her chest as it covered everything mare her face burning with embarrassment. "Well that's what Big Mac says at our little get togethers of Ogres and Oubliettes even Skellinor found it funny" Discord had to lay it on thick "Fluttershy and I are thinking about foals even" Spike wanted nothing more then to be somewhere else when he heard Raritys response to Discords crass oration. "I'm sure you and Fluttershy will have fine foals, No offense to our lovely Miss Fluttershy. but my Precious Scales and I will have fabulous little ones, They will be the talk of the town!" Top that you mismatched 'Lord of Tacky Attire'. "Really" Discord scoffed. "Yeah!" Spike joyfully chirped. "Of course my Spikey Wikey" Take that Discord! "We can have them right now!" Spike said happily his eyes sparkling, filled with the reflection of a very blushing Rarity. "How amorous my bold dragon, but can't we wait for a more private time?" What have I done? " I might of zoned out on most of Twilights lectures, but I know we can do it right here right now! It's the perfect time" "Spikey?" she paused for effect " Are you sure?" "We can start by kissing, You know. Just look at all the foals! I'm as ready as I can ever be!" "Spike?" "Yes, Anything for you my lady!" "Do you know where foals come from?" "Well duh, We're at the Hospital already we just have to wait for the delivery of our special dragon pony hybrids". Spike smiled widely "Do you think they'll come in a basket like the rest or like me at Celestias school in an egg?" Raritys mouth hit the floor. Spike happily eyed the foals through the glass and as he did he heard Rarity face plant. Her makeup permanently marking where she impacted hard with that "Now That's Really Stupid" look. Her fabulous curls hiding everything. Spike turned and could only look in amazement "Right on Rarity! That's the way to go! Pinkie Pie would be proud!" Discord couldn't be any more amused either. And Raritys short list got even shorter.
