Sorry For Killing You

by Zennistrad

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Teen Titans, Crossover
Length: 1817

Two magical beings find an odd kinship after one of them squashes the other like a bug.

“Wait, you killed me?”

“I’m pretty sure you were at least clinically dead for a couple minutes. So technically, yes.”

Takes place directly after the Twilight vs. Raven Death Battle. Spoilers for that, in case that wasn’t obvious.

Published 2018-03-01 03:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-01 03:10:07 UTC

The Strongest Friendship

“Well... that was odd.”

Considering she’d just been forcibly pulled into another dimension by a purple pony that she subsequently squashed into a cartoonishly pony-shaped crater, that would have seemed like an understatement. But also considering the strange, bizarre, and unsettling events that Raven had been a part of since the day she was born, it was practically an exaggeration.

Granted, the pony had put up far more of a fight than she had anticipated. Being turned into a potted plant was not a fate she was glad to suffer, and if her soul-self hadn’t intervened in a timely fashion, she possibly would have stayed that way forever.

Come to think of it, that actually was a bit strange, even for me, Raven mused internally. She paid the stray thought no mind as she dusted herself off, until another one hit her with the force of a falling brick.

Wait... a pony. A purple, magical talking pony. Just like my toys. Just like the show. Her eyes went wide. When the epiphany struck her, she could practically hear her composure shattering like glass. Her heart sunk into the pit of her stomach as she overlooked the smoking crater her soul-self had left.

Raven let out a sharp gasp. “Oh my god! That was Twilight Sparkle! I just crushed my favorite pony!”

Before she even knew what she was doing, her telekinetic magic flared to life, and Raven found herself lifting Twilight out of the singed, perfectly Twilight-shaped hole she had left in the ground. As she lowered Twilight onto the dirt, her body flopped limply, showing no signs of resistance or awareness.

Darkness enveloped Raven’s left hand as she hovered it over Twilight’s body, scanning her vital signs with a simple spell.

“Pulse... come on, where’s the pulse? Where is it?”

To her horror, she detected no sign of breathing, nor the gentle rhythm of a living heartbeat. Then, just as panic began to clutch at her mind, she felt something.

“Okay... No pulse, but she’s still got brain activity.” Raven inhaled deeply, forcibly pushing away her anxiety as she prepared her next spell. “Alright, Raven, you can do this.”

Another surge of magic rushed out from within her, and her fingertips sparked with arcane power. She then thrust her arms downward, pressing the flats of her palms firmly against Twilight’s chest. Arcane lightning crackled and thundered as it shot through her, leaving Twilight to twitch and shudder as it pumped itself into her body in a desperate attempt to resuscitate her.

“Breathe! Come on, breathe!”

With one final push, Raven pumped an even stronger wave of magic into Twilight. The alicorn let out a sharp gasp, her heart suddenly beating with the speed and intensity of a hundred fervent drums.

Raven pulled her hands away. She let out a shriek as all of the pain she had inflicted suddenly and forcefully pulled itself back into her. When the it finally subsided, she was left on her hands and knees, shaking and quivering in place.

Moments passed. Then even more. It could have been minutes, or it could have been hours, she couldn’t rightly tell. Then, softly, a voice spoke to her.

“Are you okay?”

Raven looked up, seeing Twilight staring down at her from her prone position. Despite her best efforts to rein in her emotions, she couldn’t stop the subtle tears in corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” That was all she could bring herself to say.

“It’s okay,” said Twilight, “everything’s alright now.” Despite her prior state, her smile was calm, almost serene. She leaned forward and reached out with her hoof. “Need a leg up?”

“I... I’m good, thank you,” said Raven. She pulled herself up to her feet and looked down. It was surprising now, seeing how small Twilight was compared to her, and yet somehow she found herself equally surprised that she was smaller. “Sorry about the whole ‘trying to kill you’ thing. I was just... really upset when you summoned me, and I got angry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Twilight. “Hay, I can think of at least two ponies who have tried to kill me that are now some of my closest friends.”

“I know,” said Raven. A feeling of warmth spread to her cheeks as she blushed. “I, uh... watched it on your TV show?”

Twilight blinked rapidly. “My what now?”

“Oh. Um...” Raven struggled to find the words she wanted to say. She wasn’t entirely sure how to explain to someone that they were fictional. “Well, uh... this is going sound a bit strange, but in the dimension you pulled me from, you and your friends are characters in a television show. It’s... kind of embarrassing for someone my age to admit they watch it.”

“Oh,” said Twilight. To Raven’s surprise, Twilight didn’t seem fazed by the statement at all. “That makes sense. From what I understand of multiverse theory, the number of different worlds is beyond measure, possibly even infinite. Sheer probability would dictate that there’s at least one where I’m in a television show.”

“Actually, last I heard there were only fifty-two universes,” said Raven. She paused for a moment, reconsidering her statement. “Though to be honest, I really have no idea how the cosmology works. It sometimes feels like whoever made it all is just making it up as they go along.”

Twilight’s eyes brightened, and her mouth split open into a grin. “Oooh! So you’ve experienced the multiverse firsthoof? I mean, I guess I technically have with the Mirror and all, but still! You have to tell me more!”

“I’m not even sure if I could explain everything I’ve seen,” Raven replied. “It’s all pretty convoluted. Though there is one thing I wanted to ask you about.”

“Of course,” said Twilight. “What is it?”

“Why do you still have your old treehouse?” said Raven. “Didn’t Lord Tirek blow it up?”

Twilight giggled lightly. “Well, I am a princess. I was feeling sentimental, so I got the Ponyville Zoning Board let me rebuild the library in a new location.”

Raven averted her eyes. A new wave of guilt washed over her insides, leaving her feeling slightly sick. “I... I’m sorry about that too, by the way.”

“Like I said, it’s fine,” said Twilight. “I actually took out a really good villain insurance policy on it, just in case. Besides, there wasn’t a book in there that I didn’t make at least five extra copies of.”

“Villain insurance, huh?” said Raven. “Yeah, we have that in my world too. I’m, uh... only sometimes a villain though, so I don’t know if it’ll be covered.”

“I’m sure I’ll work something out,” Twilight replied. Her ears suddenly perked up with a sudden realization. “Oh, I just remembered! I never asked for your name! I’m so sorry, I can forget that sometimes. Some Princess of Friendship I am, right?”

“It’s Raven. And don’t worry about it.”

Twilight returned the smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Raven. Since I brought you here, why don’t we head over to my castle and chat for a bit? I’m sure you have a lot of fascinating stories to tell.”

Raven’s lips gently curved into a smile. “I think I’d like that, yeah.”

————————

The interior of Twilight’s castle was every bit as magnificent as it had appeared in the cartoon, and it was even more breathtaking now that she was there to see it in person. The crystalline walls were positioned in just the right angles to refract the afternoon sunlight, resulting in a dazzling display of lights and colors that danced across the castle’s interior as the sun edged towards the horizon.

Throughout the rest of the day, the two remained in the castle’s library, sitting across from each other on the crystalline reading table. There, Raven told Twilight all of her own world, and of the many adventures she went through to defend it. She told her of the Titans, of her many friends and enemies, of her homeland—

OH FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP! We get it! They’re friends now! Can we skip to the letter to Princess Celestia already? I’m being bored to death here, and that’s saying something considering that my superpower is not dying!

We haven’t done the letters for a few seasons now, actually.

Raven suddenly paused. Right in the middle of telling the story of Trigon’s invasion of Earth, she had felt the oddest sensation. “Twilight, did you hear something just now?”

Twilight stared at Raven oddly. “Um... no? Why?”

Hey, don’t act like you don’t know who I am! Not to toot my own horn, but I’m easily the most successful character out of all of us! I’m played by Nathan Drake and the sexiest man in Hollywood!

They can’t hear us in the narration, silly! It’s non-diagetic!

Raven blinked. “Weird.” She turned her head to the side and rubbed the knuckle of her index finger on the inside of her ear.

“Um, Raven?” said Twilight, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just...” Her sentence trailed off before she could finish it. “No, nevermind. It’s probably nothing.”

“Hi!”

“Chimichanga-related catchphrase!”

Raven jumped out of her seat at the sound of the two new voices. She whirled around to see two figures standing just behind her: one was the comfortably familiar image of Pinkie Pie, while the other was a much more uncomfortably familiar image of a man in a full-body spandex suit.

“Deathstroke!” Raven snarled. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Deathstroke?” ~~said the man~~ said DEADPOOL, thank you very goddamned much, “Oh no, honey, no. You’re thinking of Slade Wilson. I’m Wade Wilson. There’s a big, big difference, and it’s aaaaaallll about the dubya. Mario? Boring. Wario? Awesome. See what I mean?”

“What about George Bush?” said Pinkie.

Deadpool’s pupils somehow managed to visibly dilate through his mask. “That doesn’t count and you know it!”

Raven sighed, a great pressure suddenly forming behind her eyes. She pressed her fingers to her temples, gently massaging them. “Ugh, fine, whatever. I don’t care who you are, you’re already giving me a headache. Just leave.”

Deadpool shrugged. “Fair enough. My whole ‘ehl-oh-ehl random’ shtick usually gets old pretty quick anyway.”

Then, with a quick hop, Deadpool climbed onto Pinkie’s back, grabbing her mane, holding a pair of thick hair clumps like a horse’s reins.

“Onwards, descendant of Sleipnir! Hi ho Pinkie, away!”

With an excited whinny, Pinkie reared onto her hind legs, before galloping out of the room at a breakneck speed. As they left, Raven turned to look at Twilight. To her lack of surprise, Twilight looked no less baffled than her.

“I know Pinkie’s... strange, but does that sort of thing usually happen?”

Twilight gave a shrug of her wings. “Eh, you get used to it.”

Author's Note

I regret nothing.