Diplomacy

by CosmicWaltz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Comedy
Length: 14111

Discord seeks citizenship in Equestria, with strange terms

Following the events of "In Search of the Sun", Discord has returned, seeking citizenship in Equestria. However, he has entered a rather strange condition in the contract...

It is highly advised that you read "In Search of the Sun" first!

If you missed it, here's the skinny: Celestia gets sick, Twilight and the elements (+ Spike) have to travel with Discord to get a cure, ????, Celestia gets better, Discord is set free, and everypony lives happily ever blah blah blah! You're now up to speed, but you're still missing a lot of dynamic!

edit: This story is now has a follow-up, the slice-of-life/comedy fic A Normal Day!

Published 2012-07-24 10:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-04 06:39:07 UTC

Chapter 1: Foreign Policy

Diplomacy
by CosmicWaltz

Chapter 1

Two weeks had passed since the Lightless Crisis, as the various news organizations had dubbed it, mostly in part to the near rhyme it formed when read aloud. Princess Celestia had since returned to her true self, the Panacea of Eternity having restored her power and health, and after a few "Solstice Overhang" days, the land she and her sister governed returned as well. The plants slowly grew back to their green, vibrant tones, ponies again filled the streets, though adorned with sunglasses to adjust at first, and soon the entire incident slipped into being just a story to pass down the family lines. The Princesses both appeared to their public, giving an official statement on the crisis, though nimbly avoiding mention of Discord's release. A ceremony was held to commend the brave adventurers for their actions in the face of danger, which if not for the addition of a certain young dragon would have seemed strangely familiar to any who attended.

All in all, it was just another page for the annals of history, fated to fade and yellow away from memory.

Sometimes, however, the story continues past the record.

--

Twilight Sparkle trotted down the glorious halls of the Canterlot Palace, an eager hop under each gaiting hoof. A worried expression was worn on her face, nerves jittering with uncertainty.

"I'm sure it's nothing," she mumbled to herself, hoping to calm the racing thoughts that always led to fearful results. "Just a call to the palace like any other." A nervous twist caught her in the gut, fueled by her ever-present paranoia. "Just an unsettlingly brief, non-descript yet urgent call to the palace like any other."

--

It was just before noon, and she and Spike were busy preparing the library to cater to the school's impending visit.

"Okay, Spike," Twilight began, going through the checklist she had had him prepare earlier. "Double-double checked the organization of the shelves to ensure absolute ease of locating specific literature?"

Spike turned from the shelf, standing atop a small ladder with a feather duster in his claw. "What?"

Twilight sighed, rubbing her temple with a hoof. "Are the shelves in order?" she restated.

"Oh, yeah!" the dragon exclaimed, perking up. "Alphabetic and numerical!"

"Very impressive!" Twilight giggled.

Spike stuck out his chest, proud. "Yeah! I've been reading some."

The unicorn continued down her list. "Put away the anatomy and 'Reinaissance art' books?"

"Uh, yep," Spike replied, though with darting eyes. "And I didn't peek at them, if you're wondering..."

Willing to ignore the obvious, Twilight passed questioning further. She resolved, however, to have a talk with the young dragon later. "And finally, dusted the shelves?"

"Working on it now!" the dragon happily chimed, turning back to finish cleaning.

"Great!" The unicorn rolled up the parchment, placing it on her desk. "Everything's ready for Cheerilee and the school-ponies!"

Sliding down another row of shelves, Spike continued his final chore. "Why are they coming by again?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. This must have been the third time she had told the dragon. "Well, given the recent scare with Princess Celestia's illness, Cheerilee thought it'd be good to let her class research previous crises." She reflected over her brief time in Ponyville, recalling how many such incidents she had been in. "Princess knows we have enough of them."

"That's for sure!" Spike laughed. Below his breath, he added, "And I better be in the next book, too." As his duster passed over the last of the books, Spike leaned back, admiring his work. He was, after all, the Number One Assistant for a reason. A tiny smirk spread over his cheeks as he twirled the duster in his claw. "Let's see Owlowiscious top this!"

Just then, a familiar pressure filled his gut briefly, before erupting from his mouth in a blaze of green flames. The tiny dragon was knocked back off of the ladder by the sudden belch, rolling across the floor as he landed. His eyes spun in his head as he shook away the dizziness, finding when his wits returned that a letter was left where he had previously stood. "Uh, Twilight? We got mail."

Without removing her gaze from her daily planner, the unicorn picked up the scroll with her magic. The letter didn't come as much of a surprise, since she had sent Princess Celestia a letter of her own the night before detailing the school-day to be had at the library. "I'm sure it's just the Princess inquiring about the big day!"

Spike rolled onto his belly, lifting himself up again. "Why do you still say 'the' Princess? Aren't there, like, two now?"

Twilight had tuned out the dragon, focusing on the scroll she had unrolled before her. She read aloud. "Dear Twilight Sparkle,"

"And for that matter," Spike continued, walking up behind her. "What about Princess Cadance? I mean, how long has she been a Princess? And of what! Where?"

"Your presence is urgently requested," Twilight read, her smile dropping as the mood shifted. "Please come to Canterlot Palace as soon as possible."

"Who's Prince Blueblood supposed to be, anyway? I mean, he's not even an alicorn! Is he related, or married in, or is it just a name? Like 'The Pony Formerly Known as Prince Blueblood' or something?"

"A chariot will arrive shortly. I eagerly await your arrival."

"And where the hoof are all the Queens and Kings!"

"Signed, Princess Celestia..."

"I swear, this system doesn't make any sense to me."

Twilight placed the letter on the table, trepidation frozen over her. She spun, facing her assistant. "Spike! Did you hear that!"

"Did you hear me?" the dragon asked, cocking a smug brow. He walked back to the shelf, retrieving the ladder to wheel it back to the supply closet. "Sometimes I think I'm just talking to myself around here."

"Spike! You don't understand!" the unicorn pleaded, rushing in front of the dragon with speed to rival Rainbow Dash's. "Something must be wrong!"

Spike sighed, rubbing a claw down his face. "Twilight, it's just a request!"

"An urgent request!" Twilight shot back, lowering her face to Spike's level. "Urgent is bad!"

"You're being paranoid again!" Spike returned, putting more emphasis into his voice. "I'm sure it's just a call to the palace. Maybe lunch or something!"

Twilight groaned, tossing back her head. "The last time I got a message like this, Spike, Princess Celestia was on her deathbed and the Sun couldn't rise!"

Shifting his gaze, Spike casually looked out the window across the library. He glanced back to the unicorn, holding his thumb up towards the aperture. "The sun's already up, Twilight. Think we can rule that one out." He walked around the unicorn, resuming his task of putting up the ladder.

"Well... What if it isn't Princess Celestia this time!" Twilight replied, her mane slowly curling out of its place as she worked herself into a panic. "What if Princess Luna is sick now! What if the Moon can't rise! What if we have to walk all the way to the Eternal Realm again, before all of Equestria - Neigh! - the entire world gets burned to a crisp under an eternal Sun!"

Pushing the ladder into position within the supply closet, Spike looked back to the unicorn. "Twilight, you're probably getting worked up over nothing! Just stay calm, and we'll go see what's up."

The ever-growing tension in the room was released, if only for a moment, by a knock at the door. Twilight hopped up, running on air for a moment as she attempted to reach the door. "That must be the Royal Guards!"

Quickly whipping open the three-panel door, Twilight was instead met with the warm faces of Cheerilee and a dozen excited school-ponies. "Hello, Twilight!"

"Cheerilee?" the unicorn asked, tilting her head. She then remembered what day it was, and her responsibilities prior to the distressing letter's arrival. "Oh! Cheerilee! The study session!"

Cheerilee gave a bubbling giggle, unaware of the worries the librarian was fighting. "Yes! And judging by the chariot outside, I'm wondering if we have a very, very special guest waiting to talk with us?" She gave a sly wink, nudging her head to the golden chariot sitting just beside the library. Two alabaster pegasus stallions, clad in shimmering golden armor, stood before its helm, ready for flight. The teacher moved in closer, whispering in Twilight's ear. "I didn't know you could get the Princess to make personal calls! This is so exciting!"

Spike walked over, overhearing the hushed words. "Princess Celestia's not here. But why does everypony keep saying 'the' Princess? Isn't that, I dunno, disrespectful? How would Princess Luna feel if she heard that?"

Twilight didn't have time to explain. "Sorry, Cheerilee, but I have to go!" She darted past the group, the students all quizzically watching as she charged towards the waiting chariot.

Cheerilee bit her lip at this sudden news. "Oh, well, what about the study session?"

"Spike can handle it!" Twilight called back, hopping aboard the vessel.

"What?!" the dragon called, eyes growing wide as the school-ponies quickly filed into the library.

As soon as Twilight's haunches hit the plush seats, the stallions whinnied into action, twisting the cart around to head back along the skies to Canterlot. "I know you can do this, Spike! Number One Assistant!"

As a stampede of fillies and colts marched by, Spike was carried back into the maelstrom that buzzed about the library. "Wait! Twilight! TWILIGHT!"

--

Upon arrival at Canterlot, Twilight was instructed to head to the Royal Gardens, where her trembling hooves now carried her.

She tried to take Spike's advice, concentrating on positive explanations. Perhaps she was getting an award for being such a studious student? Maybe Princess Celestia was just bored and wanted somepony around for company? Maybe it was a new holiday she wasn't aware of?

Perhaps another dragon was in Equestria, trying to make the palace his keep? Maybe the Changeling Queen was preparing another strike with her legion. Or maybe, the Changeling Queen had already taken the form of Princess Celestia, wrote the letter to lure Twilight away from her friends, and was planning to take them out one by one!

She shook her head. "Positive thoughts, Twilight. Positive thoughts."

In any case, the gardens were just before her now, separated from the palace by a huge, ornate doorway, each panel a brilliant pearl and gold work of art themselves. She pushed open one side of the door, unsure of what to expect.

Sunlight poured in from the open-ceiling of the garden, temporarily blinding her with a flash. Immediately, her ears were met with the warm laugh of her mentor, Princess Celestia, the alicorn happily conversing with another. As colors slowly faded back into the world, she could make out a small table, set on the edge of the marble tiling before the royal gardens. At one end, Celestia sat on a posh cushion, a teacup held daintily between her hooves. On the opposite sat a familiar face, finding ease in holding his teacup in his mismatched hands.

Discord waved his paw, signaling to the unicorn. "Ah, Twilight! Finally made it to the party?" He sat in a chair more fitting for his anatomy, with a raised seat and arched backing for support.

Celestia turned, facing the unicorn. "Twilight! So glad you could make it!"

The amicable atmosphere quelled the pangs of paranoia that were boiling within Twilight. As well, seeing the Princess again in good health always made her feel at ease after the previous scare.

Twilight let a genuine smile grow over her. "How could I turn down a request from..." She reflected briefly to Spike's rant. "a Princess?"

"Flank-kisser," Discord quipped, smiling as he brought the cup to his lips.

A quick glare was sent his way by the alicorn, though one that also carried a friendly charm. "Hush, you."

Twilight marveled at the two. The whole scene was oddly serene, despite known opposites sitting across from each other. She stood back, silently awaiting to be addressed.

It didn't take long for Celestia to notice. "Don't be so distant, Twilight. There's a spot already set for you."

Taking note of an empty seat, Twilight moved to join the party. She wiggled into a comfortable position on the pillow, sitting adjacent both immortals. As she stared across at an empty space of the table, seeing only the garden courtyard opposite, a thought occurred to her. "Princess? Where's Princess Luna?" Though the alicorn that watched over the night would have been asleep at this hour normally, something unseen told Twilight that this exact moment held an importance that both rulers should attend.

"I'm afraid Luna cannot join us at this meeting," Princess Celestia responded, setting down her cup. "She's presiding over it from afar." With a hoof, she pointed towards a distant tower beyond the gardens. On its balcony stood the Princess of the Night, eyes vigilantly observing the gathering. Turning back to Twilight, she added, "You may have noticed that your magic is restricted."

In fact, Twilight hadn't even noticed. Just then, to confirm, she tried lifting her own teacup by levitation. Without even a single shudder, the demitasse stayed in its place.

"That's her doing," Celestia continued. "A precaution, is all. She can't be in the field she's placed over us, so she's spectating." A warm smile crossed the Princess as she turned towards the tower again. "Luna's always had a way with magic."

"If she ever comes at me with another necklace," Discord joined, narrowing his eyes towards the tower. "I'll put her back in the moon myself."

Twilight found herself stifling a giggle. She almost wanted to chastise herself for her fearful thoughts before. "And Discord!" she announced, facing the draconequus in question. "Nice to see you again. Seems the Lowlands didn't do much to change you."

Discord gave a bellowing laugh. "Maybe not, but I think I changed them!"

A million curious thoughts as to what condition the immortal had left the dreary setting she had once passed through flickered through Twilight's mind. She finally settled into a comforting state of not even trying to guess, in a mix of both apathy, and possibly more in fear of knowing the answer. Some questions still persisted, however. "What brings you back to Equestria?"

"I have reasons."

"Got old fast, huh?"

Discord gave a much more controlled laugh this time. "Starting to get the picture, are you?" He took a sip of his tea. "Don't get me wrong. It was fun at first, gallivanting around the swamps, using my omnipotence to mystify beings of every species. The fact of the matter is, it left me bored."

Twilight rolled her eyes playfully. "Same old Discord."

Celestia placed her cup back onto its saucer. "Before we continue," she began, addressing Twilight. "May I ask how is Rarity?"

Taking her teacup in her hooves, Twilight took a small sip before replying. "Oh, she's doing much better. Zecora's medicine really helped her along. She's back to herself again!"

"Maybe she learned something about caves," Discord added, picking up a small teacake from the table before popping the entire snack into his mouth.

Twilight had, from their travels, learned how to ignore the draconequus when she had to. "And how are you, Princess?"

"Booooring!" Discord wailed, slamming his forehead down onto the table. The glassware gave a chorus of clinks as the jolt passed through. "Here's the short of it," he spoke, with his face still against the table. "She's fine, Luna's fine, all the guards are fine, Cadance and your brother are doing fine, and I'm doing just fine myself."

Celestia giggled. She whispered to Twilight. "He never was one for small talk." The alicorn repositioned herself, sitting up properly. "Very well. The negotiations can recommence now."

Twilight felt the mood shift as Celestia assumed her formal poise. "Wait, negotiations?"

Discord sprang up, suddenly taking a very sophisticated position in his seat. One leg crossed over the other as he held his teacup and saucer in his hands. "Very well then."

It occurred all at once to Twilight that this was a diplomatic meeting between the two immortals. Once before she had attended such a negotiation between Celestia and King Aurumquill of the Griffon Highlands, where she acted as witness on behalf of Equestria. Where that dispute was over border lines and the settlement of a pony outpost, an air of cold business between, there existed a strange energy here that made her all the more curious. She watched in reverent silence as the royal affairs proceeded.

Without her magic to use, Princess Celestia reached over to the vacant side of the table, grabbing a scroll in her teeth. Placing it before herself, she unfurled the parchment. "One 'Discord', draconequus, Element of Chaos and Disharmony, has requested citizenship in Equestria. Given his past actions within this land, on two discrete occasions, this request cannot be taken lightly."

"Oh, Celestia, you know it was all in good fun!"

The Princess let this outburst go, though not unnoticed. She accented her next word to punctuate her control over the hearing. "However, your most recent actions have been quite noble, whether your intention or not, and your peers have expressed admiration for this. I am therefore disposed to consider your application on good faith." She turned to Twilight. "I have here the pony, one 'Twilight Sparkle', with which you led an expedition to the Eternal Realm."

Again, Discord cut in. "To get a remedy for somepony, I recall."

Celestia's gaze immediately shot back to the immortal across the table. This time, she was not as soft on the matter of his interruption. "Silence!" she demanded in a calm yet assertive tone.

Twilight gave a start, stiffening in place. The air froze at the alicorn's command. It wasn't often that the Princess issued an irrefutable order, but whenever she did, everypony took notice, even if they were not the one addressed.

A devious smile twisted along the draconequus' lips. "Apologies," he reconciled in a purring voice, poorly veiling a mischievous humor beneath.

With order restored, Celestia again took chair. She returned her attention to the unicorn beside her. "Twilight Sparkle. Given your recent encounter with the candidate, what say you?"

It was as if the spotlight had focused on Twilight, and if not for the magic that bound the draconequus' own at her side, she was certain he would have made the sensation literal. "W-well..." she started, shrinking into her seat. Though normally fine with attention and public speaking, even taking roles as organizer for such major events as Winter Wrap-Up, she now felt a heavy burden placed upon her. On one side, her mentor, and co-ruler of Equestria, gazed upon her. Though her pink eyes carried all the love and warmth of a parent, there was a presence of formality that stood with authority behind them, applying an immense pressure unto the question. On her other side sat the object of the hearing, Discord, whose verdict depended upon her word. Though he kept a placid expression, she was sure he must have been just as focused on her as the Princess was.

Celestia seemed to sense the weight she had put upon her pupil. Breaking formality, she smiled. "Twilight, don't look so petrified." She gave a gentle laugh. "You act like you're on trial!"

Twilight found herself laughing as well, her nerves uncoiling. This shift in mood helped to alleviate some of the tension. "Well," she was able to continue. "He wasn't too unbearable. And he helped us on more than a few occasions."

"And I rescued your little newt," Discord hastily reminded, taking a quick sip of his tea afterwards to look completely innocent from Celestia's darting gaze.

Twilight gave an amused smirk towards the immortal. "Yes, and he rescued my friend, Spike." The intellectual part of her brain nagged her further. "And by the way, newts are amphibians. Spike is a dragon, which is a reptile. So ha-ha!"

The Princess gave a small laugh before returning to her formal stance. She again turned attention to Discord. "Very well. Your favorable actions have been noted. Now, we continue with the conditions of your citizenship." She looked back to the open scroll. "You vow, under Equestrian Oath, to, under your own accord, cease the use of greater chaos magic within the realm of Equestria, including, but not limited to, the altering of reality, bending the will of others, both pony and non, and any destructive acts that interfere with the progress of ponykind."

A pause was taken as Discord sipped the last of his tea, turning the cup over into his mouth. "Aye."

"In return, you will be granted Equestrian citizenship, and all privileges and responsibilities that come with such. You will be granted, as per your request, 'Chaos Manor', formerly 'The Ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters', located within the Everfree Forest. You have requested the use of greater chaos magic within the walls of said housing, which I will allow."

Twilight found a smile growing on her face. As strange as the idea of Discord being a citizen sounded, the conditions seemed quite hospitable, even to have him as such a close neighbor to Ponyville.

Celestia moved to the next item. "You have requested the use of lesser chaos magic within the realm of Equestria." Reading this, the Princess looked up from the parchment, narrowing her eyes towards the immortal. "Elaborate."

With a playful grin, Discord shrugged his shoulders. "What? I couldn't be any more harmful than Pinkie Pie is, and she's in the clear. Just a few things here and there; teleporting and shapeshifting and the like. Maybe a singing flower or two to liven up the park. Harmless fun!"

Celestia mused over the notion. "Very well. I will allow it. But as a warning, you had better be on your best regard. I don't want to hear so much as one complaint."

The alicorn moved to the final portion of the legal document. "Finally, you vow loyalty and honor to the laws of Equestria, both communal and governmental, common and greater, with respect to the commands of its rulers, both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, as well as to the edicts of the High Court of Canterlot. To show you understand the significance of this order, you will be put under the supervision of my pupil, one 'Twilight Sparkle', reporting to her once a week until such a time as she has assessed your transition and has provided me with the report." A reassuring smile was given to the unicorn beside her. "If she accepts such a task, obviously."

Twilight mulled it over with a small giggle. "I believe that's acceptable."

Across the table, Discord quietly whispered in a sing-song voice, "Flank-kisser~!"

Rolling her eyes, Celestia continued with the finalities of the treaty. She bit her lip, knowing the next part quite well. "And in return, you demand one romantic evening, id est, a 'date', consisting of dinner, a movie, and a scenic walk, within the time of 18:00 to 23:00 on the day of signing, with one 'Twilight Sparkle', unicorn, Element of Magic."

Mid-sip from her teacup, the words caught the unicorn in question, causing her to abruptly spray the contents of her mouth across the table. "WHAT?!"

"Correct!" Discord replied with glee.

Celestia was less than amused, yet kept up decorum. "Explain yourself, Discord."

The draconequus cocked a brow, putting on a bemused look. "What's the problem? It's a simple demand, and one that harms nopony, as per the contract."

Twilight stood, placing her forehooves on the table. "But why a date? With me!"

With another signature grin, Discord replied. "Why not?"

Aghast, Twilight turned to her mentor. "This can't be a serious request. He's got to be joking!"

Celestia sighed, rubbing her forehead with a hoof. "I'm afraid it is, Twilight."

This announcement didn't help the confused unicorn. "But how! Why?!"

"That is why I summoned you," Celestia continued, meeting eyes with her pupil again. "Discord entered this as part of the treaty. It's one of his conditions on signing."

Twilight sat back, letting the words sink in. "But, Princess, you can't really be allowing this!"

The Princess leaned forward, returning to her more familiar tone with the unicorn. "I am, Twilight." She looked across the table, directing Twilight's gaze as well. Discord sat just as calm as before, refilling his cup from the teakettle. "He's giving up a lot for this, and under very agreeable conditions. All save for this last one."

It was true, Twilight considered. Essentially, Discord was going to give up what made him Discord, at least within Equestria, for a castle in the middle of nowhere and a single date. Still, it was a tall order, at least for her. "And what if I say no?"

"If you say no," Discord answered, dropping three cubes of sugar into his tea, "then no deal."

Celestia picked up the reply. "Citizenship will be denied, he'll be escorted as best as possible to the outskirts of Equestria, and, given his nature and power, he will be disallowed from returning."

Twilight was left with reeling thoughts. "I don't understand. Why is he asking, of all things, for a date?"

Celestia sat up again. "Before, I was unable to inquire, as we had no witness, but now that you are here," She turned to the immortal across from her. "Why did you request such a thing?"

"Doesn't matter," came the solemn reply from Discord. "It's either yes or no. Yes, and I'll sign away, trusting the conditions to be met. No, and I'll leave, with no promise of behaving myself. Your call."

With a defeated sigh, Celestia looked to her pupil. "I'm sorry, Twilight. He's quite adamant about this. The choice, however, is yours to make."

Twilight looked back to the draconequus. He had requested a date. No; he demanded one, lest he refuse to sign the treaty. She was now in the hot seat, being the primary focus of the hearing. If she agreed, Equestria would gain a powerful ally, and would be free of having to worry about another chaotic coup. However, as close as she and the immortal had become in their adventures, she still wouldn't put it past him to try anyway, disregarding the treaty as he did any conventional rules. But more than that, it meant she had to go on a date with him! A 'dinner, movie, and scenic walk' date! What motivations could he possibly have to want such! Though 'romance' was written in the doctrine, she knew better than to believe that as the truth. Even then, she wasn't the kind of pony for the dating scene, much less for going on one forced upon her. If she denied, she would be spared whatever ploy the draconequus had planned, but would require turning down the immortal she had indeed come to know. Though they were not on the best terms, she could still call him a friend in the right context. Moreso, he was giving up much of his freedom, at least legally, to become a citizen. Too many questions were raised by this, and there wasn't much being granted in the way of answers.

The decision was upon her.

She narrowed her eyes. "One date, right?"

Discord smiled, eyes never breaking contact as he sipped his tea, like a predator glaring down its prey. "Just one."

She took a deep breath. "Fine. I accept."

A deep cackle rose from the immortal. "I knew you would!" Sobering his tone, he gave a scowl. "I would have made confetti for the occasion, but Princess Moon-Butt up there is still keeping this a boring affair."

"Speaking of," the Princess began, looking off towards the tower. "With a settlement reached, we no longer need to keep Luna from her rest." With a wave of Celestia's hoof, the distant Luna dropped her magic, releasing the group from the binding spell before retreating into the darkened archway behind her.

Instantly, a barrage of confetti burst from the teakettle on the table, covering the trio as phantom music rang out. Discord shot into a hover over his seat, arms outstretched in jubilation. "Mazel tov, everypony!"

Twilight groaned, whispering below her breath. "It's going to be a long night."

Celestia leaned over, hundreds of pieces of confetti stuck in her flowing mane. "Thank you, Twilight. I know he's a hoofful, but I'm sure you can handle him." As the teacups began to chase each other around the table, she sighed. "However, we should finish this meeting before I change my mind."

The final condition met, both immortals signed the document, with Twilight signing last as witness. With the meeting over, and legalities decided, the group gave their parting farewells to one another. Discord vanished in a blink of magic, while Celestia proceeded to her chambers to prepare for the daily Court meeting. Twilight made her way back to the chariot, with Ponyville as the destination. She had to get ready herself, because tonight, whether she liked it or not, she now had plans.

Chapter 2: Diplomatic Immunity

Diplomacy
by CosmicWaltz

Chapter 2

"I don't see what the big deal is," Spike reassured, shrugging this tiny shoulders. He looked on, sitting atop the table. "It's just one date, right?"

"It's a date with Discord!" Twilight replied, pacing in a cycle across the library floor. "The self-proclaimed Element of Chaos!"

Spiked hopped off of the table. Earlier, the school-ponies had run amok, leaving the library an absolute wreck of misplaced books and stationary. Luckily, the turn of events at the palace had kept Twilight from noticing this, clearing Spike of any blame he might have otherwise caught. "I dunno. I kinda like Discord."

A heavy sigh escaped the unicorn. "I know he isn't the villain he used to be, but he's still, you know, Discord! He's up to something, I just know it."

"It could just be a date," Spike returned, picking up a large tome sprawled on the floor. Below his breath, he muttered, "And Princesses know you need to get out more."

His reply did not go unheard. "I do not 'need to get out more'! I get out plenty!"

The dragon rolled his eyes. "Twilight, you've never even been out on a date! Why not give it a shot?"

She was getting frustrated now, finding that even her assistant was against her. "I don't go on dates because I don't want to go on dates. Especially not ones against my will!"

"I'm just saying, Twilight," Spike continued, bending the spine straight again on a botany textbook. "Maybe this is a good thing. He's under a lot of rules and stuff, right? How much trouble can he cause?"

"More than you can imagine."

"Fine, then," the dragon continued, placing a book back on an empty shelf. "Just don't go."

Twilight let out another sigh. "I can't do that. I'm contractually obligated as part of the treaty." She looked to the clock, hovering minutes away from 6. "If I don't go, I will have violated the terms of the contract, putting Equestria at fault..."

Suddenly, a pair of tiny clawed hands began pushing her towards the stairs. "Looks like you don't have a choice then!" Spike said, a playful smile on his face. "You're going to go out, have dinner, watch a movie, go for a walk, be home no sooner than 11, and have fun! Now go up stairs and get dressed!"

In a flash, the unicorn teleported behind Spike, letting the off-balance dragon tumble forward. "Oh, nonono, Spike! Getting dressed up was not a part of the contract, and I don't intend to!" She turned her eyes to the clock again, watching the time tick by. Nothing said she had to be the submissive one tonight. She was, after all, in charge of assessing the draconequus' transition to pony culture, and had a direct line to Princess Celestia should the trickster do anything reflecting chaos. A sly smile crossed her face. She was the one in control here, not he. "He wants Twilight, so he's going to get the Twilight that Twilight wants her to be!"

Spike rose, rubbing his head. "Say what?"

The second hand crossed over 12, pushing the minute hand with it. 6 o'clock sharp, the clock gave six faint tolls.

There was a knock at the door.

Spike giggled, covering his mouth with his claws. "Looks like your date's here!"

Despite her revelation, Twilight still had little enthusiasm about this plan. "Let's get this over with." She stood before the door, using her magic to simultaneously open all three panels.

The sight that greeted her caught her by complete surprise. Her door opened to a long corridor, seemingly endless, with doors of various make dotting its walls. Large busts divided these doors, each made of a different color of gelatin and all of Discord's own face, mimicking a range of emotions. The floor of the passage was tiled in black and white marble, the patterns shifting and changing irregularly. Some sections of the floor were not even there, instead opening into what looked to be the depths of space over the pink swaths of some distant galaxy, with the occasional yo-yo reeling upwards from within. Fish swam across the air, paintings moved with life, chandeliers spun with a low hum above, and the whole scene assaulted every sense of rationality within Twilight's mind.

Spike walked to the unicorn's side, looking into the new hallway. "Whoa."

Discord now stood at Twilight's other side, his arrival unseen. "Magnificent, isn't it?"

"AH!" Twilight jumped in shock. "Discord!"

"!drocsiD !HA" Discord happily replied, talking in reverse. "That's my name!"

Recovering from the scare, Twilight immediately reacted. "Discord! This is a blatant violation of your contract!"

"It is not!" countered the draconequus. He pointed back into the long corridor beyond the door frame. "That's my new home! I can do whatever I want with it!"

Twilight again looked down the hall, watching as it slowly rotated along an axis. "Then why does my door lead to your castle?!"

Discord walked to the door. "Oh, would you relax." He closed the three panels again, before opening the entire door as if it were on a single set of hinges from the side. Now, Ponyville was on the opposite end of the door. "No need to get your reins in a knot."

Twilight felt the edge of a headache taking her. This was a clear sign of things to come. "Let's just go."

Discord narrowed his eyes as he looked over the unicorn. "You're not going to get dressed?"

"Nope," she replied flatly.

"Twilight," Discord chastised, tsk-ing with disapproval. "I mistook you for having class."

The unicorn walked through the door held open for her. "Oh, you mistook me all right."

Spike stifled a laugh. "Have fun you two! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

In retaliation, Twilight looked back, giving one final order. "Clean this place up Spike. It's a mess."

Discord gave a final laugh. "Time to go!" In a flash, both he and the unicorn vanished into light.

Spike stood staring at the doorway for a second. "Yeah, I'm not cleaning. Hey, Peewee!" The small phoenix stirred from a nap upon his perch in the corner. He flew over, landing on the dragon's tallest spine. Spike grabbed a deck of cards from Twilight's desk before heading outside himself. "Let's go see if Apple Bloom and her friends know how to play 5-Card Stud."

--

Twilight and Discord rematerialized in another burst of energy on the busy streets of Canterlot's Upper District. Though ponies bustled by in droves, each outfitted in posh garb, none seemed to notice the new arrivals as they trotted by with their heads back as far as possible and eyes sealed shut.

Discord gave an amused smirk. "Ah, the upper-class. Hasn't changed a bit in over a thousand years."

Twilight felt the faint tinge of nausea that long-distance teleportation caused. Luckily, being a magic user herself made the sickly effects fleeting at best. Once her stomach had calmed and she had assessed where they were, she turned to Discord. "Why are we in Canterlot?" Just then, she noticed the black tuxedo that adorned the draconequus, topped off with a bow tie around his long slender neck. "And, why are you so dressed up?"

The immortal straightened his sleeves. "Well, it is black-tie only."

It was then that the unicorn noticed the sensation covering her. She looked over her own body, seeing an elegant gown draped upon her frame. Glittery black cloth fit her sides closely, flowing into a velvety skirt hemmed in purple shimmering lace. A raised purple-lined collar hugged her neck, wrapped on the outside in a pearly white faux-fur stole. In her ears were two silver star-shaped earrings, and a dark purple tiara sat atop her mane, which was now held back in an elegant bun.

"Like it?" Discord asked before she herself was able again to speak.

She didn't want to admit it, but she was stunned by the beauty of the gown. Even Rarity would have been jealous of this number! A light blush began to rise. "W-well..." She fought away the tingling in her cheeks. The last thing she wanted was to let Discord win a check this early in their metaphorical chess match. "The tiara's a little much."

"Oh, fine then." With the snap of Discord's taloned fingers, the jeweled diadem changed, turning into a butterfly before fluttering off into the air. The immortal adjusted his bow tie before continuing. "Anyway, we have reservations."

Following his lead, Twilight found they were standing outside of a very luxurious restaurant. La Château Chevalier. She knew of this place through Rarity, but not from experience. Her fabulous friend swooned over the idea of one day dining at this establishment, but even her connections were not enough. "All right, how in Equestria did you get reservations here?"

She was met with a toothy grin. "Knowing the Princess personally can get you a long way."

Twilight almost wanted to smile at that. Spike again came to mind, however. "A Princess. The Princesses."

The draconequus shrugged his shoulders. "I before E except after C." He paused, looking off to the sky. "Unless it's weird or foreign. But nevermind!" With that, they proceeded inside.

Just beyond the classically designed archway, they were greeted with the gentle din of the crowded restaurant. The dim lighting and earthy tones mixed beautifully with the refined yet subtle decor, serving a refreshing change of pace from the typical liveliness seen in Ponyville. In any other circumstance, Twilight admitted that she would have been stunned by the romantic charm of the setting. That notion, however, received a fracture when she remembered who she was here with.

A stiff-shouldered stallion stood behind a small podium, almost blending in with how motionless he remained. Like most in Canterlot, he stood with his chin up, eyes languidly shut. Almost telepathically he detected the entrance of the two, asking in a nasally voice, "Reservations?"

Discord mimicked their host's adenoidal tone, stiffening his posture in mock. "Mmmmyes, I have reservations under the name "Bananasalmon von Guggenheimlich".

Twilight was unable to hold her laughter this time, issuing a brief snort as she tried.

The stallion, however, did not find the humor in this. He opened his eyes, glaring at the pair of misfits that had wandered into his establishment. "If you do not have reservations, I must ask y-" His drooping eyelids popped open as he truly took in who was before him. "DISCORD?!"

The restaurant immediately fell silent as everypony within turned to the commotion. Upon seeing the immortal standing at the door, panic overtook the room. Etiquette and class were discard in the place of screaming, each pony bolting from their seats to run about in a blind frenzy.

Discord reveled in the new energy he had inadvertently set into motion. "What do you know? I'm famous!"

Twilight stepped forward, attempting to control the crowd. Fortunately, she had been privately studying Royal Canterlot Voice. Or, at least as privately as one could study Royal Canterlot Voice. "LISTEN! EVERYPONY PLEASE SETTLE DOWN!"

The tumult within ceased, each pony freezing in place as they looked to the speaker.

With stasis obtained, Twilight tried to reinstate order. "I am Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia. Despite what apparently many of you know of Discord, he is now, legally, an Equestrian citizen. Under royal oath, he has sworn to be on his best behavior. There is nothing to fear."

With the look of panic still locked on their faces, the crowd silently assessed the situation. Indeed, nothing had yet floated away or turned to yoghurt or exploded, so perhaps the unicorn before them was being truthful. Twilight watched with a smirk as the diners slowly began to release from their rigid poses.

With his own smirk, Discord calmly whispered. "Boo."

Utter bedlam instantly broke out again, even louder than before. Chairs were overturned, plates were thrown, and the uproar practically shook the foundations of the building.

Twilight gritted her teeth, groaning lowly. "I. said. SETTLE DOWN!"

In a pulse of magic, she lifted each occupant of the restaurant, letting the ponies kick fruitless in the air for a second before they realized their actions no longer carried them forward. Curtly, she placed each pony back into their seats with a forceful thud, holding them in place long enough for them to get the message. With forced smiles, the fearful diners went back to their meals, trying to ignore the two new frightful guests.

Discord was rolling on his back, laughing manically the whole time. In a sudden moment of clarity, he sat up, turning to their now trembling host. "By the way, table for two for Bananasalmon von Guggenheimlich. I promise you, it's on the list."

The doorpony no longer even cared about the reservations. "R-r-r-right this way, s-s-sir..."

A short walk across the painfully silent room found the pair at a small clothed table, set beside a large window. Two upright chairs were ready for them, being considered more classy than the standard cushioned floor seat most places in Ponyville provided. Taking their seats, Twilight looked over the arrangement before her. The place setting stared back intimidatingly, an array of similar yet different utensils spread out to either side of a plate. Luckily, her palace life had at least oriented her to formal dining. What she had to worry about tonight was Discord, who had already done a good job of embarrassing her before they had even been served.

Across, the immortal took his seat, curling his tall physique over the table. "Well. This is certainly uncomfortable."

"What do you expect?" Twilight asked, an irritated rasp unobscured in her voice. "You're taller than a lot of trees!"

"True," Discord remarked, running his talon over his beard. "Perhaps a change is in order."

In a flash of light, Twilight was greeted by the peculiar sight of a Discord now in pony form. His composition was just as mixed as before, but his proportions and features had been constrained to resemble a stallion's build. His tuxedo had shifted as well to fit the new frame.

"How's this?" the transmogrified draconequus asked, cocking one of his bushy brows.

The look of horror on Twilight's face explained her thoughts well. "Grotesque." Idly, she wondered if he had a cutie mark hidden on his flank below the table's edge, and more, what it would be of.

His face contorted into a scowl. "I thought you'd like it. Fine." With a blink of his eyes, another flash burst forth.

Now, Discord was again in his old, serpentine, irregular body. This time, however, Twilight felt different. Her eyesight seemed to sit higher than it had a moment before, and a bizarre sensation of static lingered like aftermagic in her coat.

Discord sat forward with a wicked grin. He propped his head in his hands atop the table, a seductive glare in his eyes as he looked her over. "You're right. This is much better."

She knew what had happened without looking, but had to, for her own curiosity's sake, inspect the new form she possessed. Looking down, she saw her body now stretched like a snake's. The dress had changed as well to cover her as she was now, but no garment could mask the bizarre alteration of her anatomy. Her right foreleg now resembled a dragon's claw, and her left a wolf's paw. Her hind legs were just as mismatched, the left a frog's webbed leg and the right a zebra's. Her body now stretched in seamless form into a marine tail, flared at the end in a glittery fin. With newly acquired hands, she reached up, feeling two new outgrowths from her scalp; the right a goat's curved horn and left a ram's spiral. Her own horn had also grown large enough to see with ease over her bangs. To top it all off, she couldn't ignore the strange feeling of an oversized fang now occupying the right side of her mouth.

Discord ran his tongue over his own fang. "And I thought you were a looker before. Me-ow~!"

He was quickly met with the surprisingly powerful grip of a former-unicorn's dragon claw, pinning the bridge of his long face to his neck as she throttled both. She harshly pulled the startled immortal across the table, glaring with impossible fury into his eyes from inches apart.

She growled with a vicious energy. "Look, you miserable little snake! You're a feather's weight from being turned into a yard decoration, and that's just if Princess Celestia is feeling merciful enough to not hoof you over to me first!" She tightened her grip, staring daggers into the draconequus. "Turn me back. this. very. instant."

Discord threw his talon up, quickly snapping his fingers. A surge of energy flashed, revealing in its wake the unicorn in her old form.

The immortal uncoiled, rubbing his neck as he sat back in his seat. "Where was that mare when we were up to our horns in orcs?"

Twilight took a deep breath, letting her boiling blood settle again. "Let's just get this night over with." As comforting as her own form was, she couldn't help but admit that she had found her new fingers to be quite useful. More, it made her wonder how she and the rest of ponykind had been doing so well with only hooves! Perhaps, she noted, she'd need to research alteration spells when she got back to the library. Mostly in case she ever needed to strangle Discord again.

Sound was at last returning to the restaurant as a nervous unicorn waiter approached with a tremble. The colt was barely old enough to be in the restaurant, Twilight thought, and now he had to serve the once-tormentor of all ponykind.

"W-w-welcome to La Ch-Château Chevalier," the colt spoke, holding shaking menus forward with wavering magic. "M-may I start you off w-with something to drink?"

Twilight felt sorry for what this colt would have to go through tonight. "I'm sure Mister Amalgamation over here will want something like strawberry milk served in a coconut."

Discord cleared his throat, a monocle having at some point appeared over his right eye. "Let's start with an aperitif. I'll have a snifter of apple brandy - a superior pale, x.o. preferably - on the rocks, and the lovely mare will have a pale fino sherry, chilled. As for our meal, we will be dining two-course, each with a cloudlily salad appetizer. For our main courses, I would like a nice ratatouille, and she will have the soupe au pistou."

Both Twilight and the waiter stared with utter amazement. Had they just heard that correctly? From him? After a long pause, the waiter levitated the two bifold menus back to himself. "I... I'll have your drinks right away."

As the colt took his leave, Twilight still couldn't remove her astounded gaze from the immortal. She finally managed to close her mouth. "What in the hoof was that?!"

"Oh, please, Twilight," Discord returned, polishing his monocle with a handkerchief. "Just because I'm living chaos doesn't mean I can't have class."

As promised, the waiter quickly returned placing both the ordered beverages and a water glass before each party before rushing off again.

Twilight sipped at the wine before her. "So, what are you planning? Going to stick me with the bill afterwards or something?" She silently decided not to mention that the drink was to her liking.

Discord poured a small bag of pop-rocks into his brandy, stirring the drink with a length of taffy. Bubbles rose to the surface with a crackling roar. "You just can't accept that I'm not up to some form of trickery, can you?"

"Not in the slightest," she replied. "Why else would you have asked me out?"

He dumped the entire snifter's contents into this mouth, before tossing the glass in after it. A little popping could be heard as he spoke. "It couldn't be because I wanted a date?"

"Nope."

"Well, would you feel better if I said it was all some ruse? That I'm trying to embarrass you in some clever ploy?"

"No. But at least you're being honest."

"I'm an honest liar, Twilight. Besides, the night is young, and the tablecloth is cotton."

Again, the waiter approached the table, this time moving a small table cart ahead of himself with magic, two salads atop. "H-here are your appetizers." He quickly presented the diners with their salads, avoiding as much eye contact as possible with the once-villainous Discord.

Just as the colt began to walk away, the cart before him again, he was called back by the very draconequus he had been trying to escape any notice from. "Hey! You!"

In a sudden pulse of startled magic, the tray cart was sent careening across the restaurant away from the colt. In the distance, a crash reported, along with the shrieks of whomever happened to have been in the way.

Shaking, the waiter turned, looking back with fearful eyes to the caller. "Y-y-yes, s-s-s-sir...?"

Discord gave a mischievous smirk. He stared into the colt's eyes, watching them quiver with apprehension. "Catch." From his pocket, Discord retrieved a shining bit, flipping it in the air towards the waiter.

The colt, however, only managed to scream in response, dashing away back into the kitchen long before the bit even managed to hit the ground.

Discord sat back. "Guess he didn't want his tip," he marveled.

Twilight did her best to ignore these antics. "Would you stop?" She cautiously probed a leaf of her salad with the correct utensil. She wasn't willing to venture saying that Discord hadn't somehow altered it. "Let's just have a nice, quiet dinner, all right?"

This seemed to snap something in the immortal. "Oh, how can you possibly be so boring!"

The unicorn nimbly avoided sticking herself in the nose as she went for a bite. "What?!"

Discord crossed his arms in a huff. "I'm doing my best to make something of this dreadful evening and all of my efforts are being brought to naught because of you!"

Twilight herself had had enough now. She slammed her hooves onto the table "Because of me?! You turned me into a draconequus, and you're complaining about me?!"

"Yes!" the immortal shot back. "You're so tame it's depressing!"

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Tame?! You're calling me tame?! Compared to you, nuclear fission is tame! I'm just trying to keep what sanity I have around you!"

"That's the problem!" Discord shouted back, leaning over the table towards the outraged unicorn. "You're just no fun!"

Twilight's eye twitched as she transcended to a new level of anger she had never experienced before. She felt as though her mane was about to ignite as she stood over the table. "I'm plenty fun, Discord! I'm fun like you don't even know, thank you! But I don't need complete disorder to have fun like you do!"

"Like I said!" the draconequus replied, leaning in further. "You're boring!"

Twilight moved closer in return. "Why, you!" she snarled.

Discord hovered just inches from the unicorn now. "And you know what makes it worse? What really festers it? I know that isn't you. I know that in there is an utter lunatic. The kind that will disrupt all of Ponyville just to have something to write about. The kind of madmare who will alter the flow of time just to warn herself not to overreact to when she went back and failed to warn herself not to overreact! Now her? She's fun! She knows how to live a little!"

Staring back into his mismatched eyes, Twilight felt her rage boil, turning over into something new entirely. Her eyes softened into a devious expression. In a sensual tone, she cooed. "Oh? Well, maybe I should show you how much fun I can be?" She pouted her lips ever so slightly as she leaned in just the smallest fraction closer.

A crimson tint spread over Discord's bony cheeks. "Oh-ho! I like where this is going!" He closed his eyes, lifting his chin up, lips puckering like a suction cup.

He was met with the cold, uncaring kiss of a full salad bowl being rammed against his face.

With the bowl still firmly attached, he leaned back. It finally released, falling to land into the soft leaves in his own dish. "You... You hit me with a salad..."

Across, Twilight beamed with a look of satisfaction. "I sure as hay did! Chaos goes both ways, pal!"

Discord stared back, blank of expression. The corner of his mouth twitched, slowly curving up into a ridiculous grin as laughter bubbled in short rasps his throat.

Twilight tried to hold back a snicker of her own, but soon found her lungs betraying her. Her lips rolled in as she did her best to hold back the urge.

With a hiss of breath from both draconequus and unicorn, the two roared into a fit of laughter together.

"Now that is the unicorn I like!"

"Oh, hush before I get another salad!"

As the two shared in their own humor, two figures walked towards them. One was the waiter from before, hiding half-way behind the taller stallion ahead of him. The other introduced himself as the two guests' laughter subsided. "I'm the manager of this facility."

Discord immediately extended his talon out to grab the pony's hoof in a frantic shake. "Howdy! I'm the Queen of Prussia!"

Feeling the evening had already fallen to ruin, Twilight didn't see the harm in furthering the shenanigans. It was already unlikely she would ever be allowed to return. "And I'm the Duchess of Unicornia! Charmed to meet you!"

The manager retracted his hoof before the immortal shook it clean off his arm. "You two have caused quite the scene tonight. I must ask you to leave the premises immediately." He shuffled nervously, quickly assessing who he was talking to. "Um... please?"

Discord stood from his seat, towering well over the otherwise intimidating manager. "Very well." He removed a small pouch from his coat pocket, dropping it on the table with the metallic clang of bits within. "I'd like to thank you for a lovely evening, and without further ado..." The immortal took a deep bow, lowering until his head was level with the manager's. His eyes suddenly popped open, glaring into the stallion's own. Magic flashed as the tuxedo Discord had worn vanished into nothing. "NAKED!" he announced with a hysterical cackle, tossing his arms into the air as he ran out of the building.

Gasps rose from all around as the diners were exposed to the unclothed immortal, despite the fact that many ponies didn't bother wearing clothes anyway.

Twilight hopped out of her seat. Again, if you're going to be banned from somewhere, why not be as thorough as possible? In a burst of her own magic, her dress vanished as well, much to the disapproval of the many guests. She sauntered out of the restaurant to catch back up with Discord, shaking her tail with each step just to further mock the uptight patrons. Each offended response seemed to cheer her own. Maybe there was something to chaos after all.

Outside she found Discord, rolling on his back in a maddening laugh. Passersby were doing their best not to take notice.

She walked up, letting the immortal finish his fit. "Well, that couldn't have gone worse."

"I think it went perfectly!" Discord returned, taking to his feet again. "Now, let's get to that movie." He extended an avian claw to the unicorn.

Twilight placed her hoof in his hand. "Sure. But you owe me popcorn."

In a flash, the two were gone, off to some other locale for the second part of their date.

Chapter 3: Concession

Diplomacy
by CosmicWaltz

Chapter 3

Twilight's eyelids fluttered, her eyes spinning as the magic faded from her dizzy mind. The more she was subjected to the far-reaching teleportation Discord so easily commanded, the less disorienting it became, but she still wasn't willing to say she could ever truly adjust to it. She was, however, glad she hadn't eaten much at the restaurant before.

Her senses quickly returning, she saw that they were now far out of Canterlot, standing on the equally busy sidewalks of Manehattan. The streets were clogged with innumerable carts, each pony at their head honking small horns mounted before their teeth in frustration. Vendors peddled various goods at each curb, shouting out why their own products were better than the exact same being sold just around the corner. Even above, the skies were jammed with cart-hauling pegasi lined end-to-end in a stalemate, which seemed silly given the open nature of flight.

"You see, Twilight!" Discord attempted shouting over the noisy crowd, each resident too absorbed in their own ordeals to even notice the odd being. "You can find chaos everywhere!"

In the boisterous melee, Twilight could hardly hear her own thoughts, much less the draconequus standing beside her. "Ugh! What are we doing here?!"

With a gesture, Discord pointed to the marquee just above them. "It's the only place to find the good films!"

Twilight turned, seeing that they were standing in front of a theatre ticket booth. "Well, let's hurry up and get inside! I'm going deaf out here!"

Moving towards the booth, she saw the ticketmaster inside. She was a dully colored mare, around Twilight's age. She leaned back in her seat, eyes half-shut as she apathetically flipped through the pages of a Canterlot Living magazine. Twilight noted how she had never before realized just how few ponies actually pay attention. Of course, when a good book came her way, she was no better. More than once she had run into somepony with an exciting read before her.

Stepping off the street and into the slightly recessed walkway of the theatre, the racket of Manehattan hushed enough to hear again. "So, what are we watching?" Twilight asked. She half-expected a cartoon or something comedic. For all she knew of Discord, however, they could end up sitting in the lobby watching the popcorn bounce in the machine for the next hour and a half.

"Les Épines d'une Rose Rouge," Discord replied, the syllables rolling off his forked tongue as though they were native to him. "Une histoire classique française de romance!"

This was the second time that night that the chaotic being had shocked her by being anything but chaotic, and almost refined if the word could be applied. She decided, in lieu of asking the plethora of screaming questions that now scorched hot in her mind, to just go with it. "You owe me popcorn. Just so we're clear."

--

Twilight sat in the auditorium, her head rested on her hoof, propped on the armrest of her seat. There was barely anypony else attending this showing, and even less chose to sit anywhere near her and her immortal date. An hour had passed in the movie already, which couldn't have drawn on longer for her. The film, as Discord had described, was a classic French romance, but showed its age none too well. Black and white frames flickered by, marked by hard scratches and spotted from years of play. Twilight was having difficulty following the story, as she only had a loose grasp of the film's language. She didn't need to know what they were saying however to know just how sappy and overly emotional the film was. The overacting was as thick as Sweet Apple Acres Apple Jam on a cold day, and she had heard "Oui!" huffed out through the lead actress' wispy voice enough times that she was starting to feel the need to visit the little filly's room.

She sighed, using her magic to lift a scoop of popcorn. As she tossed the kernels into her mouth, she again thought back to when she briefly had fingers from Discord's earlier mischief, and how much more useful they would be now. At least, she thought, the immortal had kept his end of the bargain and purchased the snack for her, if not without incident. The resulting disaster in the lobby nearly got them kicked out, but she was able to convince the staff that they could easily get all of the peanut butter off of the ceiling, and that the usher looked even better than she had before with that dashing moustache. She silently decided to opt out of telling the Princess about that particular run-in with chaos.

Twilight looked over. Discord sat at her left side with a satisfied, if almost jaded look on his face. He held a large glass mug of soda upside-down in his claw, none of the fluid within spilling out. A winding, looping straw was held in his lips, connected not to the glass, but into his ear, which surprisingly still drew in the drink, each sip draining the contents from the mug in hand. Even this early in their night, Twilight had become so accustomed to chaos that she hardly even noticed this twisting of physics.

Curiosity, however, was getting the better of her. "Why did you want to see this?"

Discord's eyes never left the strobing screen. "Don't you have any respect for the classics?"

This curt response slapped her in the face. Classics were one thing, but this was affection-soaked torture. "And you do?"

Crossing his arms behind his head, and leaving his drink to float midair, Discord leaned back in his seat. "Nah. But you're supposed to watch this kind of junk on a date."

Twilight smiled. She had expected as much. "So, how long is this movie then, if neither of us are interested in it?"

"Only about two more hours."

Caught mid-bite, Twilight choked on her popcorn, hacking up small flakes of the junk food. "Two more hours?! Geez, I didn't even know they made films that long!"

"Well, it has to be long," Discord remarked. "These romantic pieces of drivel have to be long enough for colts to work up the nerve to do this." He staged a faked yawn, stretching his arms out over his neck. As this heavy suspiration ended, his arm fell, wrapping around Twilight's shoulders with nonchalant precision.

Twilight rolled her eyes, though in playful humor. "Trying to be romantic? I'm shocked."

Discord chuckled. "Romance-schmomance, I'm just trying to get at the popcorn." With a quick flip of his paw, he tossed a swindled handful of kernels over Twilight's head, each piece landing in sequence in his open mouth. "You were hogging it all."

With her magic, Twilight lifted Discord's arm off of her, placing it back on his side of the seat. "Hands off, pal. You should have gotten your own."

The immortal ran his butter-stained paw over his beard in rhythmic thought, tinting the white hairs yellow with each pass. "Good idea!" In a show of his own magic, the seat at his other side was suddenly replaced with the popcorn machine from the lobby. A distant shriek of surprise echoed down the halls behind them, no doubt coming from the concession stand.

As Discord grabbed a handful from the pilfered popper, Twilight shook her head in amusement. "You know, I don't think I'll ever understand you."

"Ah, Twilight," Discord began, taking another uncanny drink of soda. "That's the thing about chaos: just when you think you understand it, that's when you realize there was never anything to stand under in the first place! It's wonderful!"

"You know you're supposed to have given that all up, right?" the unicorn countered. "A tall order for you, it seems."

Discord scoffed, waving a paw dismissively. "A zebra can't change his spots?"

"He certainly can't stop rhyming."

Discord smirked. "Everypony likes rhymes, Twilight. Everypony but you."

"And yet," Twilight replied, "you wanted a date with me, and not, say, Pinkie Pie."

"Variety is the spice of life," the immortal answered, sticking his nose up in a snooty fashion. "So is cumin."

Twilight looked back to the screen. "Well, Croissant de Lune and Rose Rouge have stopped inhaling each other's faces in the café and have started inhaling each other's faces on the bridge now, so I guess we missed a scene." She shifted, making herself comfortable for the remainder of the film they were to suffer through. "Hope we didn't miss anything important," she sarcastically added.

"Well," Discord purred, an idea flashing with a literal lightbulb over his head. Taking notice of this anomaly, he reached up to grab the lit bulb. Unscrewing the bottom, he took a drink of the light therein, the liquid glow sloshing about as he removed the glass half-full from his lips. "We can always just skip straight to the walk."

The scholarly part of Twilight's mind acknowledged the significance of classic films such as this, and was telling her to see it through. Sure it was dismal, but it was a relic of time. The bored part of her mind however would rather throw herself into traffic than endure another second of poorly scripted romance and the kind of lip-locking that should have come with a marriage license. "Yes. Now."

The doors burst open into the theatre behind them. A moustached filly in an usher's outfit entered with two uniformed security stallions at her sides. "There's the miscreant! And our popcorn popper!"

Discord quickly took hold of Twilight's hoof. "Guess that decides it!"

A bright flash blinded what few attendants were in the dark room as the two strange patrons vanished.

--

When Twilight opened her eyes again she wasn't exactly sure what she was seeing. She found herself standing on a bridge between two halves of a large city, the placid river below reflecting the stars above. The magnitude of the location, however, was offset by how it came to her. Warm greys flickered in a dull flutter, with strange marks passing by her field of vision. She slammed her eyes shut, trying to wash away whatever strange effect the travel had had on her this time.

Two surprised gasps came at her side. "Qu'est-ce que c'est?" asked a feminine voice as smooth as silk.

Twilight recognized the voice, and immediately knew exactly where she was. She opened her eyes, turning to see Croissant de Lune and Rose Rouge, the characters from the movie she was just watching, staring back in surprise. She was no longer in Equestria; she was in the film.

For a moment, both groups were silent. Twilight didn't know how to respond. This wasn't the actors of the movie. There were no cameras focused on them or a director watching over. It was just the characters that those actors portrayed, completely oblivious to anything amiss in their world of film noise and scene changes. And from their perspective, their romantic moment was just ruined by the introduction of new players into the scene.

Twilight blushed, though it was hard to tell, her fur tinted in the same grey-tone as the world. "Uh, pardonne-nous!" Her French was rusty, but she could at least excuse herself from the awkward intrusion. It was then that she noticed she was alone, sans the immortal that had brought her to this impossible point in time. She spun, looking all around for the draconequus, only to find empty streets in either direction. "Uh, I mean, pardonne-moi, I guess..."

The two characters continued to stare, almost unsure of how to take their new guest. Twilight would have found the silence unnerving if not for the soft patter of a film reel that seemed ambient to this strange world, which put it into a new dimension of disturbing.

She slumped against the railing of the bridge, gazing listlessly into the dark waters. Where was Discord? As impressive a prank as this was, she was almost hurt to think he would leave her, well, wherever she was! Throughout their date, he had pulled many stunts at her expense, but nothing as cold as this. Being abandoned in a world that didn't even technically exist was probably at the top of the list. "That jerk."

Rose Rouge gave a low murmur of sympathy. "Aw... Cette pauvre fille..."

Twilight felt a warm smile cross her face. "Nah, it's fine. Um, je suis bien." Even from a pony that existed outside of her world, the condolences were a welcome if unnecessary sentiment.

Rose returned her own soft smile, which almost glowed in the two-toned world. Even Twilight had to acknowledge the stunning, flawless features of classic beauty that Rose radiated. It was no wonder she got the role of lead mare. "Oui? Ah, bien."

Without even a pause to punctuate the tender moment, the filly turned, again latching onto the lips of her stallion in a kiss so passionate it was near-vulgar.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Twilight called, shielding both her eyes and her blush with a hoof. "Get a room!"

"You heard the filly!" called another voice behind Twilight, this one as smooth as velcro. "Save it for the sequel!"

The unicorn turned back from the railing, again seeing the mismatched features of her escort. "Discord! You're here!" Though normally not the sight for lonely eyes, Twilight was overjoyed.

The two lovers, however, were not as ecstatic. In a unison shriek of terror, both characters hopped into the air, before dashing away with hooves never even touching the ground.

Discord gave a menacing laugh. "Haha! Still got it!" He shot a smile back to his date. "Sorry I'm late. You have no idea how hard it is to hail a cab in the city."

"What took you so long!" Twilight scolded, though a relieved hint in her voice.

"I ended up the next scene over," the immortal replied, joining the unicorn by the railing. "And trust me, wow, is this film not for kiddies!"

Twilight returned her gaze over the gentle waters. A large burn mark flashed in the top right of her vision, a jarring reminder that this was not their ordinary world. "So, we're in the movie?"

Discord gave a light chuckle. "Yep! Romantic, right?"

"Not really." She looked up to the full moon above, still emblazoned with the mare in the moon. The film was recorded before Nightmare Moon's return, so her image still marked its surface. "Did we just change the movie?"

"Nah," came the reply. "Call it a Director's Cut. No one else will even know what happened."

This was a relief to Twilight. Though she had covered for many of Discord's antics tonight, she wouldn't be able to vouch for him if the evidence of his mischief had rewritten a piece of classic film.

As she looked over the scenery, Discord was looking at her. "Like the view?"

In Twilight's eyes, the reel became off-center, catching mid-frame between two stills. She rubbed her eyes, hoping to end the strange effect. "It would be better if it looked like I was actually here."

Opening her eyes again, though, revealed just that to be the case. Color again painted the world, and the strobing effects of a reel had vanished. She now saw the light glinting in the nearby city, and the distant twinkle of space above. A soft, salt-touched wind came off of the river, flourishing her mane back. "Whoa."

"Better?" Discord asked with a smirk.

Twilight could hear the distant sounds of merriment as music rose over the housetops. "Is this place real?"

Discord shuffled his hands. "No, actually. The movie was shot in a studio, in Canterlot even. All rigged sets." He suddenly vanished from Twilight's side, his head darting out now from the small space behind her. "But that doesn't stop me," he whispered.

Twilight backed from the rails, now seeing the immortal hanging upside-down from the beams above, his head still oddly right-side-up. "Well, let's see. Your contract states you are not allowed to alter reality. But, as you've pointed out, this isn't reality. I guess we're clear." It wasn't like her to bend the rules, but when having this much fun, sometimes it was worth it.

Discord dropped down from the beams, landing in front of her. "But I'm also not to force the will of anypony, so let me ask," He held out his talon. "Want to go for a walk?"

With a smile, Twilight gave him an amused face. "Discord, you can't walk hand-in-hand with a quadruped."

"Right you are," he said, quickly lifting his talon to stroke his mane as a cover-up for the faux pas. In a flash, he shifted again into the rough shape of a stallion. Somehow, it seemed a little less unsettling to Twilight this time. "Well, how about shoulder-to-shoulder?"

Twilight marched passed him, head raised high. "Now you're just being sappy," she said with a giggle.

In a moment, Discord, once again his normal self, caught up to her, and they began their walk through a scenic land that never existed.

--

"So Starswirl's beard was fake?!" Twilight asked, aghast.

"Fake as Rarity's lashes!" Discord merrily replied. "And Celestia's mane? Not her natural color!"

Twilight lifted a hoof to catch her gasp. "Princess Celestia? No!"

The draconequus could hardly hold back his laughter as he revealed Canterlot's greatest secrets. "Oh yes! She's a natural pinkie! And she has extensions. Poor girl is so caught up in image."

Twilight slanted her eyes at him. "Now I know you're just pulling my leg."

They passed through the quiet city of the film, its sleeping residents unaware of the other-worlders in the streets below. Soft lantern light illuminated the way through the cobbled paths as they walked with no direction.

"Believe what you want," Discord said, turning his chin up. "But it's true either way. The things I could tell you about that mare could fill more than a few gossip columns."

Twilight let the thought of knowing more of the hidden life of her mentor flash through her mind for a moment. Her respect for the Princess however let the idea wane. "As your adjustment assessor, I'd advise you keep that info to yourself."

He scoffed at the unicorn. "Bah! There's no fun in secrecy."

This gave Twilight an opportunity she couldn't pass up. "Then, if you don't like keeping secrets, why did you really want this date?"

Without missing a beat, Discord answered. "A magician never reveals his tricks."

"So hypocrisy is a part of chaos too, I gather?"

"A coin with many heads, isn't it?"

"Well, what will you tell me?" Twilight asked, hoping to at least get something to feed the ravenous question that had been burning at her since the negotiations earlier.

"Hmm..." Discord thought for a moment, staring off into space. "Ah! I know! I'll tell you not to think so much!"

The unicorn sighed. "Yeah, big help there."

"It's the only help you need," Discord added. "You keep wondering why I asked you out on this date-"

"Forced me, more like it."

"- and you keep ignoring the obvious."

There was a pause, prompting Twilight to continue. "And what's obvious."

"That I'm on a date with you."

It was like bashing her head into a wall. "But why!"

"It's time for a set change," Discord answered, more to himself than her. He looked up, staring into the sky. "You know, some say I'm Luna's biggest fan."

Twilight cocked a brow. "And what does that mean?" She followed her date's gaze, again seeing the huge moon overhead. The answer came to her quickly. "Oh, of course. A 'lunatic'."

"The lunatic, thank you!"

As she looked on, she noticed that the image of Nightmare Moon was again removed from the satellite's surface. "That's odd. Wasn't the moon jus-"

"And here we are!" Discord announced, his arms opened expressively towards Twilight's library in front of them.

The unicorn came to a stop at this sight, confusion clouding her head. She spun, seeing Ponyville around her again. The antiqued roads of the fictional world were long gone. "When did we get back here?!"

"When, why, how, who, what," Discord mocked, mouthing the words with a talon that now bore an uncanny resemblance to Twilight. "It's always questions with you." He lifted his paw up, looking at a watch drawn on his wrist that hadn't been there a moment before. "And right on time too."

He held the arm up for Twilight to see. Sure enough, the drawing showed 11 on the dot, which wasn't a surprise from a drawing. A soft toll from the clock tower in town began to ring, however, confirming this.

Confusion aside, the night was finally over. Twilight walked past the immortal, headed to her front door. "Well, Discord, this has... sure been something." After the long and frankly weird day, she found herself almost prancing at the thought of putting up her tired hooves and resting with a good book. A good, sane book. Mathematic study, perhaps.

Instead, as she opened the door with a tired pulse of magic, she was met with the cluttered mess of a library just as she had left it.

Her jaw hung slack as she looked around the main room. It would take hours to sort all of the tomes lying about. "Spiiiike..." she hissed through clenched teeth. The dragon, missing from the scene, would certainly be in for it later.

Discord peeked in over her shoulder. "Oh, my. Looks more like my place." A flash of inspiration fired behind his eyes. "How about a parting gift for such a lovely evening?"

With a snap of his taloned fingers, the books lifted themselves all at once, sorting themselves out on the shelves.

Twilight felt the weight of the chore lifted from her as she watched on, before a small nagging thought dragged her back. "You are arranging them alpha-numerically by the Dewey decimal system, correct?"

Discord sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yes. And never expect this again."

As the last of the books set itself in place, Twilight turned back to the immortal. "Thanks, Discord."

"It was the least and most boring thing I could do," he said, now hovering in a relaxed pose midair. "I had fun tonight."

Twilight herself had to admit to finding the evening entertaining, if not out of her element. Still, sometimes it was fun to leave her comfort zone. She knew, though, that curiosity wouldn't let her be just yet. "I've gotta ask, Discord; why me? You could have asked for anything. You gave up so much. Just for a date? Why?"

Discord laughed, placing on a set of sunglasses from behind his back. "I'll never tell! Hahaha!"

Twilight could almost feel her brain exploding with a million unresolved questions. There had to be some motive, some ulterior incentive, and she couldn't rest until she knew. Even if it meant begging. "Ple-ee-ease!" she cried, shuffling on her hooves like an eager foal. "That isn't fair! You've been leading me on all night!"

Discord hopped down from the air, lowering himself to her level. "Just can't let it go, can you?" He removed the glasses again and stared into the unicorn's eyes. "How about this then: I'll tell you without saying a word."

This concession brought with it its own questions. "How-" She stopped herself. This was the closest she would get to hearing his reasons, so she wasn't going to press it. "Whatever. Fine. Why did you want a date with me?"

Without warning, Discord darted forward, planting a heavy, wet kiss on her lips. Twilight jumped in shock, almost breaking the tie if not for the talon she found wrapped gingerly around her neck. Discord lingered, letting the gesture truly connect with the unicorn before he pulled away, leaving the lightest strand of saliva between them to stretch and break as their lips parted.

He looked back at her with an affectionate gleam that seemed surreally natural. "Worth it."

Twilight felt her cheeks flush, a strange mix of chilling confusion and the warmest sensations of affection quickly overtaking her like a fever. Her mind raced trying to figure out the right response. "Discord..."

Before she could find a reply, her date hopped back into the air, replacing his spectacles. "See ya around, Twilight. We have got to do this again sometime!" In a final burst of light, he was gone, leaving Twilight to herself.

It took a few moments for Twilight to find her wits again. A goofy smile spread on her face. "Sure thing," she answered to nopony, yet knew that somehow Discord would hear. "But next time, I pick the movie." She turned, entering the library for a well-deserved rest.

She paused just inside the doorway. "And it may be fun to go as a draconequus, too," she off-hoofedly mentioned before closing the door.

--

Spike quietly entered the dark library just past 2. He cautiously glanced about from behind the door. "Looks like she's asleep, Peewee."

The phoenix woke from its slumber on his tiny shoulder, mustering just enough strength to fly to his perch before falling back into sleep.

"Yeah, it's past my bedtime too," Spike answered, a yawn soon following. "I'll see you in the morning little guy."

He quietly made his way to the stairs, being careful of the squeaky boards. As he climbed, he pulled at one of the ribbons Apple Bloom had tied to his tail. He had lost big on the table today, not expecting the girls to be either that good at cards, or just that lucky. He had lost his favorite scale and much of his dignity in the process. Each loss came with new and emasculating results. Apple Bloom had decorated him in stickers and ribbons, Sweetie Belle practiced her makeup on him, and Scootaloo was now using his shiniest scale as a necklace, no doubt planning to say she wrestled it from some mighty dragon in combat at school. He'd worry about finding each of the glittery stickers attached to him tomorrow, but for now, bed was calling.

At the top of the stairs however, attached to the door, was a note addressed to him. He paused, taking the time to read over the notice.

Spike,

You didn't clean up like I asked.

He gulped. "Uh oh." Having so much fun today, he had forgotten his one chore while Twilight was gone. He continued reading. In his defense, though, she hadn't exactly asked him.

I'll let it go this time. Just be sure to do as I ask next time.

-Twilight

Spike sighed in relief. "Close call."

He carefully entered the second floor study, climbing the final set of stairs to reach the bedroom. Sure enough, Twilight was wrapped cozily in her blanket, sound asleep. As he passed, he made a mental note to ask her about her date tomorrow. For now, though, he was ready to get to sleep.

That was, until he reached the small basket he called a bed, finding the small container stacked to the ceiling with books. His jaw dropped.

Another small message was attached to the side of the book tower.

Sorry for the mess. I'm sure you won't mind, NUMBER 1 ASSISTANT!

As the dragon let out a frustrated groan from across the room, a smile crept over the not-quite-asleep unicorn. "Good night, Spike," she quietly said, snuggling comfortably into her warm blanket. Perhaps the occasional mischief was okay she thought, as sleep finally took hold.