Zephyr Breeze stared into the distance, a half eaten slice of pizza dangling from his hoof as he munched away. He didn’t eat with the fervor one would expect from your typical pony. There was no method, no habit built up from years of eating that always seemed to slip through and give the spice of life to such a mundane act. No his movements were simple, mechanical. His face blank and devoid of any emotion. Or at least it seemed that way.
In truth if one knew him well and peered closely enough they would see the brief flashes of emotion that would flirt across his face in instants. Mostly confusion mixed with anger, denial, and grief so deep you could drown in it.
If he were being perfectly honest Zephyr didn’t really know how to feel. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t lost people before. Distant cousins, classmates, a teacher or two. And he’d always been sad, always been hurt. He’d even cried a time or two. But this time… this time it was different. It wasn’t someone he’d known in passing. Wasn’t someone that he’d cared for only marginally. This time it was someone close. Someone he’d loved and cherished his entire life even if he hadn’t been very good at showing it.
Even now a full twenty four hours after hearing the news Zephyr was still trying to figure it out. Which was ridiculous as there was nothing too figure out and he knew that. The guards who had come to his parents house had been clear. Rainbowdash, his sister, and an older friend of theirs had had a little too much to drink. Fluttershy, his precious baby sister, had broken her wing during the outing and had wanted to go home. Rainbow, in her infinite wisdom, decided she could rent a carriage and fly them back faster than anyone else and in their collective inebriated state the logic seemed perfectly reasonable.
Two thirty nine. The crash site had been called in at two thirty nine in the morning. They’d been informed of the tragedy at four in the morning. Informed of the hard unshakable truth that his sister, his precious baby sister whom he had loved all his life, was dead.
They’d been told that neither she nor Rainbowdash had suffered. They were gone to Luna’s endless sleep the moment they hit the ground and with the alcohol in their systems they were unlikely to have felt a thing. Zephyr took a small measure of relief in that little mercy. The idea that his sister had just been lying there, silent tears dripping down her face as she dealt with the inevitable, her body unmoving as she tried piteously to call for help. Someone. Anyone. Her father. Her mother. Her broth-
Zephyr closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Such thoughts would get him nowhere and they weren’t true anyhow. His sister HAD NOT suffered. Simple as that.
And yet it wasn’t so simple at all. Nothing was. He’d lost his sister. Two if you counted Rainbowdash and he at least certainly did. He’d known her almost as long as he’d known his own sister and had long since grown to love her just as much.
Yet they were gone.
And he STILL didn’t know how to feel about that.
Oh he’d cried of course. Not as long or as hard as he felt he ought to have but he’d cried. Zephyr had never been good with emotions, his or others. That was more Flutters thing. And once he’d gotten a good cry in he’d left the living room his family was in to think in peace. And so, here he was. Still thinking.
There was so much to think about, and yet so little. Where to bury her. When to have the funeral. Should they bury Rainbow and Flutters together? Separate? On the same day, on different days? Who would carry the coffins? What type of tombstones should they get? What type of coffin should they get? What should they be buried in? When was the last time he’d spoken to his sister? What did they say? Was it even important or had it just been mindless chit chat? Did he have any recordings with her voice? He’d never forget her face but sometimes voices get muddled up with memories and he didn’t want to forget it. Would she want a big funeral or a small one? Would she want a funeral at all? It WAS Fluttershy after all she might not want to be an inconvenience even now.
Zephyr snorted at that last thought. Yes that certainly seemed like something Flutters would say. Oh no she’d say. Don’t worry about burying me. Just spread my ashes among the forest floor. Maybe they’ll help the trees grow. Ooh then I’d be a tree! I’ve always wanted to be a tree. Yes, that seemed just like his little sister indeed. Zephyr had half a mind to suggest the idea but wouldn’t. Mainly because he knew his family would never accept it, even if it was likely what his sister wanted.
Funerals weren’t really for the dead after all. The dead have no need for them. Funerals were for the living, to help get through their grief. They’re a send off, a final goodbye because death, even when expected, is still sudden and jarring.
Zephyr knew this. Zephyr knew a lot of things. He knew no amount of pleading or crying or anger would bring either of his sisters back. He knew being angry at the older stallion that was with them and had been the only survivor was pointless. He knew he probably should be bawling his eyes out and throwing countless objects around his room instead of sitting and staring out the window.
But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
He couldn’t muster up the energy to get angry, couldn’t bring forth the tears to cry. All he could do, all he wanted to do, was sit and think. About the present. About the future. Reminisce on the past. It wasn’t as though there was a funeral he could attend, at least not yet. The shock of her death had come and gone and he’d done enough grieving to get his head back on straight. So what came next? What did he do now? Once the funeral ended? Did he just move on with his life? How did he do that? How-
“Ow! What the hay?! Oh…” Zephyr looked down at his hoof. His freshly bitten hoof. Evidently he’d finished his pizza and hadn’t noticed. He stared for a moment before frowning and looking out the window to the newly rising sun. And as he sat there in that strange period between the initial shock and the final goodbyes he realized he still had many questions. Some would be answered soon, others never would, but the only question that had an answer now was ‘Am I still hungry?’ And he was.
And so despite the heavy weight that had settled on his world he decided to perform a mundane act, in this mundane world, in his mundane life. For what else could he do?
He stood up and got another slice.
Author's Note
COURTNEY (Left) AND MY YOUNGER SISTER KALEIGHA (Right)
1997-2018
