Author's Note

The email story from this chapter is based off the Creepypasta "Does anyone know a good plumber? I did one of those stupid rituals." by the writer narrativeoflife, and has been adapted to pony form by yours truly, I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 10. Does anypony know a good plumber?

Hey everypony Bright here, just sitting in my bed writing. I'll be honest I wasn't really expecting anypony to actually email me some weird stories when I asked in the last chapter. But I have gotten a good number of emails, most of which are either some version of an urban legend somepony inserted their name in, or just kind greetings that say get well soon. However one of the emails has caught my eye and is believable enough to have actually happened, kinda like some of my stories from the RestStop.

But before we get to that, let me give you guys an update on what's been happening the repairs on the RestStop are still underway and the boss decided to convert the room in the back into a kind of break room for us to stay in between our shifts. The boss said he came to this decision after the hole in the floor mysteriously filled up with dirt, he said he plans to bring in a vending machine, microwave, and even a jukebox. Lucky has officially moved out of his little room in the dry storage closet, and moved in with BugSpray in the shack out back. RazorBeak gave me a call on my phone and told me to call him if I had any questions about any weird monsters I see out in the Everfree while working. He also explained that the thing in the trenchcoat is called a Qalupalik. It's apparently some kind of amphibious troll that wanders around the world, it's basically harmless despite it's disturbing appearance, and really only wants a friend. I really hope it shows up again one of these days. There now that that's settled, lets get onto the email.

What initially drew me in was the tag-line, "Does anypony know a good plumber?" After reading it, I decided that it was the kind of story worthy of being posted. I'm going to be transcribing the email off my phone then giving you my thoughts on it afterwards. I'll be doing this for other emails I decide to post here.

Hey Bright, before I get into this I wanted to ask if you know a good plumber? I fucked up one of those stupid ritual things that everypony's doing, and know my shower is leaking, there's also some faceless Pony in my kitchen. My landlord come tomorrow and he's going to kill me when he finds all of this, especially because I also have a cat and I'm not even supposed to have pets in the building I live in.

Let me back up, this whole thing started when I was drunk messaging a mare on this dating app on my phone, and she said the only way that we would be able to meet up is if I did this weird ritual thing where I summon a ghost or some shit, I think she called it Mia-culpa or something.

Actually I just pulled the message up on my phone and her exact message was, "The decaying flesh will not rest, I am the Alpha and the Omega, I have seen the burning cities consumed the land." The she gave me a link to the ritual instructions. "Our souls meet when darkness spills, Mia-culpa Mia-culpa Mia culpa." Blah Blah Blah. She was a weird chick. At least I think she was a mare. I could really see her face, her profile picture was just a black background with two shiny orbs that kinda looked like eyes. I could also sorta see some features but it looked like her fur was grey and I couldn't really see her mouth, but she had really clean hair. I wasn't about to rally for somepony who didn't take care of herself.

Anyway, I weight the pros and cons of spooky rituals vs trampoline booty as best I could on five shots of patron, and at the time I thought it was totally worth it. I set my phone's alarm for 3:26 am which was the time the ritual was recommended to start at, but since my phone is about five years old and has been dropped in the toilet several times it went off at 4:00 am. FUCK. I was also supposed to have a friend during this thing, but my bestie recently got incarcerated for selling heroin on the corner of Westwood Park and Eastern Avenue. Shoutout to my main man.

Anyway I sat up and turned off my alarm, but the moment I turned it off I suddenly drunkenly passed out again. I woke up 20 minutes later and actually got out of bed this time, stumbling across the room in the dark, because apparently you're not supposed to turn on the lights because if you do a ghost will pop out OOOOOOO. I was supposed to find a candle and light it, but my hangover just made me trip over the several candles I placed on the floor. Eventually I gave up, flipped on the light switch, grabbed a candle from my desk, and just for curiosity's sake looked out my window to see what my ghetto Baltimare neighborhood looked like at 4:20 am. The street was empty, except for some Rando wearing a black rode and giant pointy black hat, he was staring up at me through the window, I could really see his face.

I swear, Baltimare's gone to the fucking Diamond Dogs, first gang wars, now some kind of weird-ass shadow cult, I mean for fuck sakes. Anyway I lit the candle and looked at my phone for the instructions. I was now supposed to knock on my bedroom for 66 times, with the very last knock being timed on the 4:06, but since I had fucked everything else up I just did a shave and a haircut knock and then walked to the hallway, my bedroom door was opposite the stairs, and looking down that dark stairwell was pretty spooky. I thought I saw something move on one of the lower steps but I just shrugged it off.

For the next step I was suppose to close my eyes and walk down the stairs chanting Mia-culpa over and over again. I'm not an expert in other languages up I know that Mia means "my" in Italian which is apparently some old EarthPony language from before we all became one nation. I'm not sure what culpa means though so I assume it's some kind of rare dish made by the Ponies who originally spoke Italian. I tried to close my eye and walk forward while talking about Italian food but I tripped. Turns out that thing I saw moving was my cat FishSticks I startled him and went running under my hoofs, I ended up tripping over him and falling down the flight of stairs landing on my back as my head hit the wall. At some point the stupid candle went out as I flailed down the stairs, but at the time I was too concussed to care. I rolled up from the ground groaning in pain, and decide that I would just continue to go through the motion, which now meant hiding in a closet of some kind and waiting for the ghost to play hide and seek with me. I chose the kitchen pantry because I had an open bag of potato chips in there, so I made my way into the kitchen, and as I stumbled heard several soft whispers behind me. I spun around, hoping that I was right about FishSticks knowing how to talk there was nothing there except for a figure standing in the corner. I stopped, blinked, and it was gone. I remember thinking to myself that I really needed to lay off the patron.

As I honed in on the closet the alcohol and concussion finally caught up to me and I stumbled to a stop, before vomiting up watery patron all over my kitchen floor. FUCK. My ass was landlord grass. The combination of alcohol, concussion, post vomit uneasiness, and the anxiety of a looming eviction notice caused my emotions to go haywire and I unleashed a violent sob, mucus and tears riveting down my face. I then heard a noise from outside the kitchen, I looked to the Kitchen window and spied that stupid shadow cultist out in my back yard staring in at me, I must have looked like a pathetic idiot weeping in front of my kitchen pantry.

Too ashamed to confront him, I just crawled into my pantry and shut the door sliding through the puddle of my own sick as I did so. Which didn't help the fact that it was so cold in there I nearly froze my tail off, my air conditioner was probably broken and I would have to call the landlord about it, but that would mean sedating FishSticks and stuffing him a suitcase under my bed, and it was at that point I realized I needed to reevaluate my life, maybe I shouldn't drink as much, maybe I should give FishSticks to a better home, maybe I should stop using an app to hook up and start actually looking for mares to get into relationships with, maybe I should move out of my shit neighborhood with the Cult members running around at 4 in the morning. After going through an entire existential crisis in my pantry I decide to say "fuck it" and end the entire stupid ritual. That crazy bitch could have her culpa by herself, not to mention the fact that I still have 37 more ritual steps to complete, which include lighting 8 more candles, stabbing a Voodoo doll, spinning around in a circle shouting "YOU'RE IT YOU'RE IT YOU'RE IT." Before ending the whole thing by going down to my basement and looking into a mirror, but not actually looking into it, which made absolutely no fucking sense.

As I got up to open the door I heard a low moan behind it and froze, praying to both Celestia and Luna that it wasn't my landlord. I cracked open the door to see the Cult member standing in my kitchen staring at me. I finally got a good look at him, he definitely didn't have a face, I guess getting your face taken away is some kind of new cult initiation now. He didn't react to my presence, he just fucking stared at me. I don't even know how to deal with faceless cult members so I just stared back. We stared at each other for about five minutes before I finally got the balls to move. I walked out of my pantry and went back up stairs, his eyeless gaze followed me as I moved but he didn't do anything else that would warrant a response after that I went up to my bathroom to take a shower, and now my shower head is leaking which I blame on the stupid ritual, so if you know any plumbers in the Baltimare area I would really appreciate it if you send them my way.

Could you also have that Pegasus named FlutterShy fly over and take care of FishSticks for the day, or a couple weeks depending on what happens, and maybe also send some cops my way because the faceless pony hasn't left and I don't want to try and make him leave on my own. I understand if you can't do all that but could you at least try? please.

My first reaction to reading this was just "wow." I replied to this with an email of my own.

Dear, {I'm not putting his name in this for privacy reasons} I personally don't know how to deal with ponies without faces. I thought I saw a pegasus without any wings, but then I realized he was just a normal EarthPony. I'll be sure to tell Celestia about this, maybe the Element bearers will be able to deal with this. Unfortunately I do not know any plumbers at all, but I would personally consult the phone book. As for FlutterShy taking cat of your cat, I'm fairly certain that she will, even without me asking her to. Lastly I suggest that you do actually move away from where you live, you might be able to come word at the RestStop when it's fixed, I'm sure the Boss would let go work here till you get back on your feet.

After sending this email I called Celestia and she told me she would sent the Element Bearers, as well as a platoon of soldiers for support. She said that the "Faceless Pony" has been taken into custody, and that it didn't even make an effort to escape. It just stood there, oblivious to everything, like it was blind or something. That's what I read from Twilight's official report Celestia sent me along with the email that everything was alright. I don't know how she got my email address though, What am I saying, she probably got it from the place everypony else got it from.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this little donation story. I know donation story's not a good name for it but I don't know what else to call it. Still I hope you enjoyed.

This is Bright from the RestStop, but not right now, signing off.