TCB Equus Round Table Discussion Antics

by Alex Warlorn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Random, Princess Celestia, Thorax, Human, Ember, Seabreeze, Princess Luna
Length: 4112

The leaders of Equus meet to decide how to best handle Earth and Equus now being joined at the hip and what species humans can adopt. Things get crazy.

Equestria isn't the only kingdom on Equus, when worlds collide, all leaders need to be called in to decide how to handle the wild magic spilling into Earth... after all... why should ponies be the only option available? This is gonna be a long night.

Vector by ZuTheSkunk https://www.deviantart.com/art/No-This-Is-Celestia-323009093

Note, this story is COMPLETE, it is a whole story, just a bit of fun and game, but indeed a complete whole story.

Published 2018-03-05 14:40:13 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-05 14:40:13 UTC

It's One Crazy Equus

Imagine sitting at a round table: Princess Celestia, Queen Parabola of the Zebra, King Thorax, Prince Rutherford, King Leo of the seaponies, Queen Novo of the hippogriffs, Dragon Lord Ember, and yes... ugh, even King Aspen (wearing the Wreath of Shame), and... Gilda since she's the only descendant of King Guto left (on her grandmother's side), Trixie (representing Diamondia as their former Queen), the King of Abyssinia representing the cat tribes... And Sunset Shimmer there not as a representative but as a logistics expert of the Equestria Girls Earth.

All of Equus' major players, dealing with 7 Billion humans from ANOTHER Earth (not EG Earth) who need to be mutated into life forms capable of surviving magic (with magic deadly to these humans).

And how much of each species can this second Earth support, and Sunset Shimmer dealing with many refugees from this second Earth can be safely taken to the EG Earth.

The minotaurs were not invited as some unspeakable results of the minotaur potion.

+++

1 Kendell2

Aspen said, "Well I'd-"

Celestia frowned. "No, we're not going to chew them out for environmental destructiion and tell them they should be grateful for our mercy."

"But-"

"No buts! We're already trying to avoid a war due to paranoid humans!"

2 Mtangaion

There was a commotion at the door.

Fido shouted, "Hey, you're trying to trick us again!"

Spot snarled, "We demand that Diamond Dogs be represented by a Diamond Dog!"

Chancellor Jim waved his paws, "Don't worry, now that Queen Trixie has put the magic crown on again, she'll be one of us soon!"

Trixie yelped. "Whaaaat?! The Great and Royal Trixie did not agree to..." Her hooves cramped and turned into paws right before her eyes. "Ahhh!"

"Bwa-ha!" Gilda laughed and slaps the conference table, cracking it with a golden flash. "What the squawk?"

Celestia started, then smiled. "Oh! Congratulations, Gilda. Now that you've been entrusted with the hopes and dreams of the griffon people in this new era of friendship, you're becoming their Queen and Goddess."

"Hopes and dreams? You mean everygriffon in Griffonstone saying 'Not it!' or 'Better her than me?!'" Her voice became deep and booming, but only for a few words.

Celestia said, "Goddess puberty certainly can be awkward."

Novo added, "I remember it well..."

Ember, now much larger, since the official coronation where she was given the First Hoard sighed, "Great. Swell. Can we talk about the humans now?!"

3 Ardashir

Celestia nodded and Ember graciously returned the gesture.

"Okay. I've been talking with the griffons, the Diamond Dogs, and the cats," the King of Abyssinia fluffed up a bit in annoyance but said nothing, "and we're agreed. We'll take the least amount of humans as members of our species."

The other members of the summit looked at her in surprise, slowly blinking their eyes. Rutherford snorted and stomped one hoof.

"Me admit, yaks not be sorry dragons not get too many new members."

"The same here," Celestia said. She quirked an eyebrow. "However, I would like to know why you're being so generous."

"Easy enough," Gilda shrugged. "We're the predators, so we need more land and crap like that ta support our people. We can't just eat grass like you ponies do."

"So we'll just take the best ten percent of the humans to be transformed," Ember gave a lordly wave of her claw. "You can divvy up the rest."

"Hey, wait, the BEST ten percent?" Queen Novo gave a glare. "How are you gonna decide who's 'best' and who isn't? For that matter, why should we give up anyone who understands that hippogriffs and their queen have the best arrangement?" King Leo scowled at her boast, but he backed up his fellow water-dweller.

"Oh please, like even a human would want to become a fish!"

"Better a fish than an overgrown lizard!"

Celestia groaned and down some of her very strong tea as the first argument of the day broke out.

4 Frozen-Doopliss

Thorax spoke up for his friend. "Hey, Ember's not being selfish here. I'm sure she means that she just wants the humans that are best suited to being dragons, just like any of us would want humans that would fit in with our own people. Take the changelings, for example. For the safety of both the humans being changed, and the survival of the hive, I can't allow humans without enough love to become changelings. If they're going to join us, they need to have some level of love for others, willingness to compromise..."

"A complete lack of thinking for themselves, a preference for gaudy pastels over your previously uniform black, the ability to only see 'pretty' creatures as morally upright..." the King of Abyssinia said, rolling his eyes.

"SILENCE!" Ember roared. Celestia sighed, knowing it would likely be the first of many deafening calls for silence today. "We are here to discuss recruiting these humans, not to insult my friend for his policies. "

"Or to insult anyone else." Thorax added, trying to preempt any escalation.

"Yes, that too," Ember said with a shrug. "Thorax was right. I simply want the humans best suited for being dragons, and I don't think we'll be taking THAT many away from the other kingdoms. We simply request the strongest, the most competitive, the most athletic, the best fighters, the most cunning tacticians, and those with the greatest collections of precious metals and stones. And having some of the smartest humans would benefit us in the long run, too. I'm sure that won't be taking anything any of you care about."

Thorax winced as he saw scowls grow on several of the rulers' faces. Even if Ember was a friend of his, it seemed she still had a dragon's tendency to only think about herself.

5 Grogar-the-oneser

Rover from the door shouted, "Trixie accept the terms!"

"What, why?" Trixie questioned.

"She gets all the good and we get all the miners." Fido stated.

"Why do you want miners!?"

"Were diamond dogs have alot of mines, you do the math." Spot shouted "You can tell them that due to our bodies they no longer have to worry about landslides or underground gases."

6 Alex Warlorn

Princess Celestia took in a deep breath and said, "Shall I remind everypony, zebra, griffin, cat, dog, and dragon, and all combinations of the above, that it comes down to each individual human as to decide what they'll become, or remain the species they were born as to the bitter end?"

7 Grogar-the-oneser

"Ah right..." Ember said, having the decency to look embarrassed.

"But wait... will the human protest?" The King of Abyssinia asked. "As much as it PAINS me to say a lot of them would want the tougher species as their the new template and I don't think they be happy to hear that species like the dragons are having a limited time offer."

"We will have to cross that bridge when we get there." Celestia sighed.

"On the brightside after the debacle with the minotaur potion-" This made almost everyone gagged. "-I was able to create good P.R. by showing humans that the next batch of potions should be completely and utterly safe," King Leo stated.

"That's good to know, thank you King Leo," Celestia said.

"What went wrong with the minotaur potion?" Thorax whispered to Queen Novo.

"Don't ask." Queen Novo shuddered.

8 Kendell2

"Also, Celestia," Ember said. "Mind if I give my dragons permission to just eat those PER and HLF nitwits?"

"I'm honestly tempted to say yes...but I'm afraid that'd simply make the survivors see them as 'martyrs', and both are extremists as it is," replied Celestia, rubbing her head and remember how the HLF had had to be prevented from blowing up Yellowstone and triggering the super volcano in an idiotic attempt to 'take you with me'. "We need to have humanity's involvement in shutting down the HLF if nothing else."

"Fine...but I AM giving willing dragon converts a dragon body guard so the PER can't steal any MORE," said the Dragon Lord, Celestia recalling the incident she was refering to were the PER turned a willing dragon convert into a pony before she could undergo the procedure.

"...I suppose that's fair, but tell them to be VERY careful not to cause an incident."

"...I suppose THAT'S fair."

9 Mtangaion

"Now, then." Princess Celestia cleared her throat. "I'm hesitant to bring this up, but a rumor has been circulating, concerning the Diamond Dogs. The rumor claims that Diamond Dog converts, newpups if you will, are dominated by their pack instinct and will obey any order from their alpha without question, even working long hours in the gem mines without pay."

"Really, now," said Trixie. "Queen Trixie recalls a very similar rumor, one claiming that newfoals are mindless dolls who live only to proclaim the glory of peace, harmony, and Princess Celestia. Trixie is certain that this Diamond Dog rumor is *also* nothing but scandalous nonsense."

Trixie learned towards her chancellor, baring her fangs with a smile. "It had better be nothing but a rumor when Queen Trixie returns to Dimondia and makes a full investigation!" she hissed.

Chancellor Jim gulped.

10 Alex Warlorn

Meanwhile, Sunset Shimmer and Queen Parabola sat quiet, happening to be setting next to each other, and slowly looked at each other.

"So... this other human world you've gone, where reflections of us have spawned. Certainly there are many a difference, any of significance?"

"Well, humans there can use magic, and have pastel colored skin, but the world mirror takes care of all of the changes, so they wouldn't be precisely the humans they'd been before, but they wouldn't ponies or zebras."

11 Grogar-the-oneser (edited by Kendell2)

"So tell me something I don't understand, why do the humans not accept any invitation to go into your world and join your band." Parabola asked.

"When we try to make that pitch most refuse cause they would find it off-putting to be in a dimension like Earth yet not the Earth they know, with vocalizing they do not wish to live in Doug world."

"I don't mean to bug, but what is Doug" Parabola stated.

"An old animated cartoon with the ponies unique colorization for skin tones," Sunset stated.

12 Ardashir

"Bah!" Rover the Diamond Dog growled at the other attendees. He thrust one dirty claw at Princess Celestia. "Rover insulted by pony lies! Not our fault Diamond Dogs get along better than ponies, all want make sacrifices for pack and obey alpha!" He looked ready to say more, but froze as Celestia scowled at him.

"Kindly sit down and wait to be recognized before you speak in the future." She frowned as he returned to his chair. "However, Rover does bring up a good point if only inadvertently. We needed to be sure humans understand that the change won't be just physical, but will get new instincts with their new forms and lose their old ones."

"Hey!" Rover jumped back up. "Pony watch mouth! Diamond Dogs not come here to be insulted or called names like 'in-ad', like 'in-ad, like..." He growled and tore at his head fur. "Like what big pony call us!"

When everyone at the table glared, he sheepishly returned to his seat once more.

"Are we sure they're sapient?" Queen Novo rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile Rex turned to Spot and whispered, "See, me always say Rover be lousy alpha."

"We supposed to be loyal to alpha," Spot reminded him. "Remember sacred Diamond Dog customs."

"Diamond Dog customs can take flying leap!"

13 Ardashir

"One more thing," one of the griffon delegates said. "These humans have some wealth of their own, right? Art and precious metals and books and music and other things that oughta be worth a fortune when they're the last remaining products of a vanished, er, I mean 'uplifted' species."

They looked around the table at everyone. Ember and the dragons looked interested, as did the Diamond Dogs. The Abyssinians, still desperate to refill their national treasury after the recent conquest by the Storm King, were eagerly intent.

"Your words are likely true," Queen Parabola said, tilting her head. Eying them suspiciously, she asked, "So what then do you intend we should do?"

"Just this," Gilda tapped one talon on the table. "Along with figuring out how the humans will be handled, shouldn't we divide up the loot - I mean!" She suddenly corrected herself as Celestia and Parabola snorted and pinned their ears. "Er, see who's best suited to maintain the vanished cultural heritage of humanity?"

"That... is a good question," Celestia frowned as she eyed the paperwork before her. She'd have to see if Twilight had any ideas how to manage it from her trip to the human world. "My student only said that some nations were willing to hand over their cultural treasures to save their people, before we explained that was impossible for several reasons."

"Hey, we dragons would be willing ta look after the gems and gold and stuff --" The dragon representative fell silent as Ember elbowed him in the gut.

"Garble? Not another word."

14 Alex Warlorn

Celestia groaned. "For the last time, we are NOT taking territory from 200+ countries because they need to change species! I know we are used to the idea of species each having one nation and national and species loyalties being the same thing, but humans don't work like that! They will be perfectly capable of continuing and preserving their OWN heritage! And WHO LET ALL THESE hangers on in here? Shoo shoo! This room is crowded and insane enough as is!"

Rover, Fido, and Spot, Rex, and Jim, were shuffled out the door along with Garble with help from Celestia's Royal Guard.

15 Kendell2

"Now just wait a minute here!"

The group turned as the door was opened and in flew Sea Breeze. "Why weren't the Breezies consulted about this?!"

"...Because who'd want to be a dumb little fairy pony?" asked Gilda.

Sea Breeze growled and flew over, taking out some pollen, using a little Breezie magic on it, and blowing it right in Gilda's nose.

"What the-" Gilda asked, right before she promptly went into such a sneezing fit she fell out of her chair.

"THAT'S why!" Sea Breeze replied. "And besides, Breeze Blossom is one of the safest places in Equestria! Some humans may want to come there!"

"...That's a valid point," said Celestia, as Gilda kept sneezing. "...How long will that go on for?"

"About five minutes give or take..."

16 Mtangalion

Sunset Shimmer raised a hoof. "Pardon me, but what if Gilda gets her... Royal Griffonstone Voice? What if that happens again while she's still..."

"AHH... ACCCHHHHOOOO!!!!"

Celestia projected a golden shield, preventing a frazzled Gilda from launching herself or the conference room into orbit. "Let me handle that," she said, smiling serenely. "Please, continue the discussion."

17 Alex Warlorn

"There are actually several humans who want to become deer," said King Aspen. "They belong to a kingdom call Petta. They say I'm the kind of king they've been dying to have."

Luna and Celestia looked at each other. "Uh, King Aspen... that is not a kingdom."

18 Diana Gohan

"Hmmm I just thought of something actually, that we must discuss truly," Queen Parabola called out, focusing the discussion back on her. "Since the decision on what these "hu-mons" turn into is something only THEY WILL be able to decide on and not something we have any control over or choosing, and we aren't trying to divide this world up like a bunch of psycho conquerors bent on DOMINATING THE PLANET WHICH WE'RE NOT DOING!"

"Uh yeah we all know that" Ember said narrowing her eyes. "Why do you have to clarify that point?"

"Apparently I've been told my points aren't made clear enough like I mumble, and people jump to the wrong conclusions of what I say and automatically think it's something terrible."

"Well those people honestly sound overly paranoid and like jumping to conclusions that no one would logically actually jump to and really should trust more in what you have to say and listen carefully without overly freaking out about everything," Ember opinionated.

"You one to talk," Prince Rutherford said under his breath with the attack that the dragon had made on the Yaks without any formal declaration of war only stopped thanks to Spike finding out what Ember was so angry about and refused to even explain to the Yaks as they burned their country to the ground.

"Trust me," Sunset said, "Human hearing aliens say 'we come in peace, we here to help you' in their minds is a red flag that invading is EXACTLY what they intend to do. You CAN'T overstate it!"

"Yes but my main point was shouldn't we have someone finding out what they want to be, to better know how they will all wind up co-habitaing new Terra rather than just wait and see?"

"Good question Parabola, though I agree you didn't need to overly shout and clarify we aren't trying to conquer anyone since that is pretty clear to everyone here" Celestia said with a smile. "Though thankfully that was a concern already thought of and taken care of" she raised her hoof. "As we're discussing the politics of how this world and populus will operate, based again on the forms everyone on the former earth will become that does not mean we're trying to dominate them-"

"Oh sorry, my friend it looks like you caught my "have to overly explain how we're not doing that" bug in the end," Parabola said apologetically.

"It's fine" Celestia said waving her hoof. "Anyway, my sister Luna is moving through the subconcious thoughts and desires of these humans to find out which species they would want to be, and if that's separate from they're dormant biological Equstrian ancestor."

"....They're dormant what now?" Queen Novo asked confused.

"Oh well inside everyone one of these humans there's a gene that links them towards each of the various species represented here" Celestia explained. "The transformation to move to this new Terra will make them either fit they're own "natural" place in this new Equstrian Kingdom, or they can choose to be something different then what they would naturally become."

Sunset Shimmer looked confused at this for a second before snapping her fingers, then remembered her she had hooves. "Ah so it's like how in the Equestrian High world any pony who goes through becomes a human and any dragon that goes through becomes a dog."

"Right, except here if you mentally choose to become a differing species, that is what you will become on this new Terra" Celestia pointed out. "This will not only allow us to find out better find out how the transformations will split the populus, but ensure even those who are mentally unsure/unwilling to change will do so they will be a part of this new Terra, and not be eliminated when they're earth is wiped out from the poison."

19 Alex Warlorn

Princess Celestia huffed as she put the fire out of her ethereal mane, and fixed up the chess board. "So it's decided, that dragonification will be offered to the extremely elderly first for the 10 percent of humanity as the cap, and we'll make a public accountant of this cap so humans can get in the paper work ahead of time.."

Dragon Lord Ember snorted, "Agreed."

20 Alex Warlorn

Ember then added. "So can we declare this meeting over already? I feel like some dragon came along, smashed all out heads like cheap vases, and glued them back together with all the fineness of a newborn whelp." She glared at the Zebra queen.

"But we haven't even discussed-" Queen Novo began but was but off.

"Seriously! I feel like I have a horrible headache! Can we just call this quits now?"

21 Kendell2

"Well there is the matter of their technology," said Celestia. "We're working on retrofitting and altering them to exist properly in Equestria and function with magic, perhaps even enhance each other. It's one of the few things that's come out of this that both sides can agree are positive."

Ember blinked, looking at a 'computer' as it was called. "This internet thing is interesting..." she said, then cocked her head. "...Why are there so many cat videos?"

The King of Abyssinia peaked over. "...I don't know, but this is like watching a kindergarten back home during nap time..."

21 Alex Warlorn

Ember shrugged, "I don't see what the big deal is, technology doesn't break down when in contact with magic, it's not they have to fix up all their toys and cool looking weapons to work for those of us here without digits, so I say that can wait until later and we can all go rest on our portable hordes our father plundered from pony castles centuries ago, who else wants to escape this headache mess?"

"Besides," Queen Novo pointed out, "Shouldn't we have invited a New Foal here? Or had the meeting in their world? Otherwise they'll likely to feel like we're treating them like foals while the grown ups talk. I move with Dragon Lord Ember that we suspend this meeting."

"That's how we treat our subjects anyway, given half of us in this room are immortals," Princess Luna said.

"That... isn't the point."

22 Alex Warlorn

Hours, maybe days later... surrounded by mugs of coffee... Princess Celestia with dreary eyes said in a worn out voice, "So, we've worked a treaty that is satisfying for all parties correct?"

"It better be," Dragon Lord Ember said, her head drooping.

"So... First, the transformation will all be of the humans' own choice, no trick or mind control.

"Second, the griffons, Diamond Dogs, and Abyssians will take the fewest new members of their species by virtue of being predatory races. Dragons as well, in part due to the future population boom, with the extremely elderly getting priority.

"Third, only humans with enough love will be allowed to become Changelings because otherwise they can't metamorphosis.

"Fourth, Diamond Dogs give priority to miners.

"Fifth, people who have signed up to become dragons will receive dragon bodyguards to avoid a repeat of the PER turning that willing convert into a pony against their will.

"Sixth, the same applies to ALL non-pony converts in PER active areas.

"Seventh, Humans will be informed of all new instinct they will obtain upon transformation.

"Eighth, all countries on Earth will maintain all their sovereignty and possessions.

"Ninth, Breezie potion will be made and added to circulation at Sea Breeze's request.

"Tenth.... the deer get PETA's members.

"Twelfth and finally, work with humanity to deal with both the PER and HLF will be put into gear. Are we all in agree? say Aye, PLEASE SAY AYE!"

"AYE!" The tired out leader said. The various leaders of Equus put their royal seal upon the document.

"Thank you Princess!" Bright eyed and bushy Raven said snatching the paper from them. "I'll send this to the UN at once and can be ratified and they can send their feed back so they don't think we deciding their fate behind doors... I trust you'll be back here for the second round?"

Every-creature at the conference table fainted except Luna. Who was revealed to be secretly playing her Gamecolt which she quickly hid.

"Uh... I'll take that as a strong maybe," Raven said as she hurried out of the room.

~Fin

Author's Note

This is a tale for a True Conversion Bureau setting. All of Equus' most powerful leader have 7 billion humans from a second Earth who are all going to die of magic poisoning unless mutated into species that magic is harmless to... It would hardly be fair for only tribes of ponies to be offered... but what if say 7 billion people want to be dragons, could their planet support that many? Could the EG Earth handle that many refugees? What should be the cap of each species be? Should there be caps?

Let the insanity of politics begin!

I considered adding in Mina of the Independent Dragons of Dragon Town, but they count as part of Equestria.

Authors and order of contribution.

1 Kendell2
2 Mtangaion
3 Ardashir
4 Frozen-Doopliss
5 Grogar-the-oneser
6 Alex Warlorn
7 Grogar-the-oneser
8 Kendell2
9 Mtangaion
10 Alex Warlorn
11 Grogar-the-oneser (edited by Kendell2)
12 Ardashir
13 Ardashir
14 Alex Warlorn
15 Kendell2
16 Mtangalion
17 Alex Warlorn
18 Diana Gohan (with edits)
19 Alex Warlorn
20 Alex Warlorn
21 Kendell2
21 Alex Warlorn
22 Alex Warlorn