Fluttershy Kicks Puppies

by Hclegend

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Starlight Glimmer, Fluttershy, Comedy, Random
Length: 4001

After a shipment of bootleg puppies arrives in Ponyville, only one mare can stop them before they overwhelm the blooming puppy market.

After a shipment of bootleg puppies arrives in Ponyville, only one mare can stop them before they overwhelm the blooming puppy market. By punting them skywards.

It makes sense in context.

Wonderful cover art helpfully MSpainted into existence by WanderingPony!

Published 2018-03-05 23:50:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-05 23:50:12 UTC

100 Puppies, Two Mares, One Kick

An inconspicuous train arrived in the outskirts of Ponyville. There were only two carriages on it, one for the engine itself and the other was specifically designed in such a way as to not attract any attention to what it contained. A brown, haggard unicorn stepped out of the front part, blinded by the sun that he had not seen in months. He had to spend all of his time working at night, as not tip off any would-be heroes to what was contained.

"Finally," he muttered to himself, his eyes adjusting to the daylight. "After months of tireless work and secrecy, my new scheme is ready." Slowly trotting to the second carriage, devoid of anything that would give away his plan, he opened it up to check upon his creations.

Hundreds of caged eyes immediately gazed upon the source of light, with soft whimpers echoing throughout the cold containment. Despite the poor conditions, they were not any worse for wear, other than being afraid of the journey here, which was expected. Closing the doors again with his magic, he waited for his other transport to arrive to distribute his product throughout this Podunk town. After all, this place was said to make a great test market. Doubly so due to the amazing lack of domesticated animals actually documented in the town itself.

Shady Dealings was going to make a fortune for his work, and nopony was going to be wise to his scam before it was too late.

"Good morning everyone!" a cheerful sing-song voice erupted from the isolated cottage on the edge of Ponyville, as Fluttershy tended to the animals amassed in her back yard. Some were ones she recognised, but there were a few new ones. It didn't matter to her anyway, she never played favourites. Well, aside from Angel, but he was a super special exception to her golden rule.

A variety of animals were there to great her, such as Harry the bear, the aforementioned Angel Bunny, squirrels, birds, puppies, small rodents such as mice, reptiles...

"Hold on a second," Fluttershy thought to herself as she peered down to the pair of pups. Despite initially looking fine, on a second glance they seemed... Off. Their slightly oversized eyes were constantly moving, as if they didn't have control over them and couldn't keep them still. They also limped a little, due to one of their legs being a different size to the others.

"Oh no," Fluttershy lamented, as she stroked the pair with her soft forehooves "You two weren't lucky, were you?"

"Bork! Bork!" one of the puppies replied, the noise coming out of its mouth sounding very off and immediately causing alarm bells to ring for the animal caretaker.

"I knew that Batty was right," she despondently replied. "I knew that the rumors of a less than moral pony trying to flood the puppy market were true."

One of the puppies instinctively attempted to nuzzle Fluttershy in order to calm her down. This caused the opposite effect to happen, as Fluttershy's front leg kicked out in response, causing the puppy to go flying with a distinct "Errrf!"

Seeing how impressively its brother took to the air, the puppy that remained was naturally terrified of meeting the same fate and rushed behind the mare while she was distracted. Unfortunately, it brushed into Fluttershy's left hindleg, causing that to also jerk in response. This time it was spectacularly punted into Fluttershy's cottage window, which it crashed into with a loud whap!

"Oh dear!" Fluttershy panicked as she turned to see a puppy sliding down her clean cottage window. "I'm so so so sorry!" she worriedly said, attempting to put the mutated puppy's pain to rest with some soothing strokes from her forehooves.

"B-bork... Bork..." The puppy replied in a bittersweet tone with its mutilated vocal cords, before closing its eyes and turning into dust and wrapped candies.

Fluttershy's mind was now in several states of panic. For one thing, she had just accidentally murdered a puppy. A poor, sweet, innocent puppy that only wanted care. But her stupid reflexes harmed it more than nature ever could.

However, there wasn't just guilt that she was feeling. While she had little understanding of the canine species due to there being so few of them in her local vicinity, she did know when she had tried her best for an animal and the last words she could hear were the pony equivalent of a "Thank you." This puppy, despite her being directly responsible for its death, thanked her.

The thought of these poor creatures suffering so much that being put out of their misery merited a weak thank you was both upsetting and immeasurably rage inducing for the animal care taker. The very thought of an animal being in that much pain always angered her, especially when it was caused by selfish, owners. It peeved her to no end and it was one of the few ways you could legitimately enrage her.

Pulling back on her righteous anger for a moment, Fluttershy went over the facts in her head. Puppies were not a native species to Equestria. While she didn't know where Applejack's pet dog, Winona came from, she did know that it was imported from somewhere outside of Equestria. This, combined with the severe defects and the very clear fact that the puppy that was there just a minute ago is now nothing more than a pile of dust was all she needed to know.

Rushing inside to grab one of her insect jars along with a dustpan, she swept up the remains of the puppy and placed them in, the dust and candy fitting into the jar nicely.

Whatever the cause of these malformed creatures were was going to pay.

Shady Dealings was quite literally laughing his way to the bank, as he carried a very large sack of Bits in a wheelbarrow with magical assistance. The shipment of puppies had been a rousing success. By the time that their deformities started to form, he'd be far away in so far off Neighsan country living out the rest of his days in luxury.

In fact, he was so ecstatic with his results that he didn't even care about the two prototype puppies that had gained deformities during the trip. I mean, they escaped, big whoop, they're probably dead by now. All he needed now was a few more shipments to come into places like Canterlot and Manehatten and he'd be loaded with enough cash to not give a damn about the consequences! It was the perfect scheme!

Fluttershy had marched to the Castle of Friendship at an alarmingly brisk pace. Before she had realised it, she was face to face with the Princess of Friendship...'s student, Starlight Glimmer. She would do.

"Oh! Hey Fluttershy!" The purple mare was surprised to see Fluttershy here, especially as the former Element bearers had been informed that Twilight was going to be away for the day prior to this. "What seems to be the problem? You're looking a little bit like somepony kicked a puppy in front of you."

The irony was not lost on Fluttershy. "Well in that case, I should be angry at myself, because I've already kicked two puppies and I haven't even had breakfast yet." Fluttershy handed over the jar of dust and candy to the magical mare, who inspected it with her levitation.

"Alright, so what does kicking two puppies have to do with this jar of dust... That has wrapped candy in?" Starlight gave a confused glare at Fluttershy. It was still early morning and she was not known to be an early riser, considering her dishevelled mane and the occasional yawn.

"It's uh, the remains of one of the puppies I kicked?" she tried to look as innocent as possible while saying this.

Starlight nearly dropped the jar in surprised disgust. "Fluttershy, is this some kind of sick joke? Like this isn't April Foals, and while I appreciate the effort you're putting in this time, save it for the big day."

"Starlight, when have I ever lied to you?"

"In Our Town." Starlight deadpanned.

Yellow hoof met yellow face in a surprising lack of patience. "Look, Starlight. You're like Twilight; you're good with magic. I have reasons to believe that the puppies I kicked aren't legitimate puppies. Can you help me out?"

Starlight looked at the jar, then at the yellow mare, then at the jar again. "Sure, whatever. Got nothing better to do anyway." she opened the door further and beckoned the shy one in.

Inside the crystalline castle, the pair of mares trotted gingerly to the main spectacle of the castle, the throne room. Inside lay the remains of Golden Oaks and the Table of Friendship (As it had been jokingly christened by several members of the Table of the Round Stable.) and placed the jar down carefully. Placing herself in Pinkie Pie's chair, she allowed Fluttershy to sit on her own seat before opening the jar and carefully lifting the combination of dust and candy out.

"Hmmm." Starlight examined the dust with a critical eye, before focusing on the candy. After a few moments of noises from the unicorn, she placed everything back in the jar before sealing it.

"So?" the Element of Kindness asked the former mayor of Our Town. "What do you think?"

"All I can say is that it's certainly the remains of something created by magic, with the candy being a weird sort of residue of the remaining magic the object had before being damaged beyond repair and the spell collapsing," Starlight explained, pointing at the jar. "However, I cannot tell on sight that this used to be a puppy. Matter generation spells are already a very poorly documented field due to the sheer difficulty of creating an object like this compared to just using one. Especially as the longer the object lasts, the more unstable it becomes, eventually becoming deformed and warped. The fact that you're telling me that this used to be a puppy is highly worrying."

"I see," Fluttershy nodded in response. "Both of the puppies I saw today were heavily deformed and possibly in serious pain. The one that's on the table now even managed to bark out a small thank you before turning into dust. It's why I came here in the first place, because while I know how to take care of animals, both mundane and magical, I can only take care of animals that are well, real."

Starlight put a reassuring hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder. "You came to the right mare. Look," Starlight beckoned Fluttershy closer so she could whisper something into her ear. "I'm usually all in favour of Twilight's methodology of doing this the legal way, but from the sounds of it, this seems like some scam by a con artist with a talent for creating fakes. Ponies who do this sort of thing either get a slap on the hoof or are already out of Equestria before they're even found out. If we're going to solve this issue, it needs to be done soon."

Fluttershy leaned back into her chair. "What do you suggest, then?"

"Well, from the sounds of things, these fakes are very poorly made. A simple kick or punt will render them unable to be repaired by background magic and the spell will fail." Starlight's grin turned malicious. "Now of course, ponies aren't exactly going to happy if you're booting defenceless puppies all around town, and I suspect that a large import of a rare creature has resulted in a lot of ponies now owning one."

Fluttershy grimaced. She was not liking the sound of this. "So, w-what do we do?"

"Kick 'em." Starlight shrugged. "Physical force is a good way to destabilise the spell keeping the puppies "alive", and we don't have a lot time before our culprit gets off scot-free. But I do have an idea of how to accidentally make this happen..."

Starlight charged up her horn before Fluttershy could object to her dangerous idea, and was blasted. After a few moments of regaining her composure, she looked at Starlight.

"Well, go on. Have a walk." she urged.

Fluttershy got off of her throne and attempted to walk. Key word being "attempted." Her body was not in tune with her mind and kicked out towards several conveniently placed objects that Starlight had placed there. Like the puppies, each object flew spectacularly towards the nearest wall and disappeared in a magic poof.

"What have you done to me?" Fluttershy asked the mare who had made her so destruction-prone.

"Reactus Maximus Puntus." Starlight explained calmly. "Really fun spell to prank ponies with, since anything that gets within range of your legs will be kicked. It's banned in Buckball though, for obvious reasons. All you have to do now is head into town and be yourself."

"Uh-huh," Fluttershy looked at her legs worriedly. They seemed normal, at least. "And what are you going to do?"

Starlight smirked. "Well, you don't become a supervillain without learning a few illegal spells. Demon summoning, time travel, spells that let you track a pony's location based on their magical signature... Just let the mage find the culprit and you can go and kick puppies! Sounds fun, right?"

Fluttershy hesitated until she remembered the deformed, sad eyes on the puppy she kicked. It really was for the best, and all she had to do was pretend to be accident prone. "Alright, let's go then."

It was about midday in the Ponyville Market by the time Fluttershy arrived there, despite this it was still rather easy to get around, even with the spell inflicted upon her. She even tested that it was still working by heading towards an abandoned, rotting apple. The fact it easily flew over a nearby cottage was proof enough that it was working fine. She just hoped she wouldn't have to kick that many puppies, despite the good it would do.

Meanwhile, Starlight was seemingly wandering aimlessly with a piece of candy in her magic. In reality, she was tracking down the owner's signature using the same spell she had used to locate Twilight's home back when she was driven by revenge. Granted, she still was being driven by revenge, but it was much less her revenge this time, which sat well with her.

Dipping into a back alley, the spell was getting closer to the would-be con artist, as the magic aura surrounding the candy was becoming more powerful. Stopping outside the back window of an abandoned house, she noted that the window she was looking into was broken. It was easily big enough for a pony like herself to squeeze into with levitation, and before she knew it, she was in the culprit's "house."

Placing a silencing spell on her hooves, she slowly trotted around, looking for any sign of life. While the spell indicated that he at the very least had stayed here, she had no idea if he was here.

She had reached the kitchen, full of dirty pots and pans left by the previous owner when she heard the front door slam open and heavy hoofsteps approaching her.

"Errf!" a puppy called out as it was sent flying between to cottages.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Fluttershy apologised to the devastated owner, before quickly looking for her next victim. While at first she had been really genuine about apologising, she realised that a faster apology would mean more time to kick puppies before their owners got attached to them.

With sentences like that running through her head, Fluttershy wasn't exactly thinking too hard on anything other than spotting and kicking the puppies with her magic-boosted kicks as soon as she saw them. It was almost like a demented game of "How many puppies can you kick?"

Of course, she knew there was a genuine reason behind this in the end. No doubt the poor owners would have to see the already overworked vet once their puppies stated deforming towards the end of their lives anyway, so she might as well rip off the band-aid now and save everypony some trouble.

Fluttershy sighed to herself, as another puppy went flying off into the sky. While most ponies would see it as very out of her Element, she knew more than anypony that sometimes the greatest Kindness is just simply ending some poor thing's suffering. She only hoped that Starlight was having more success in her task.

"950, 951, 952..." Shady Dealings counted up how many Bits he had earned just from today. What he didn't know was that he was being watched from the shadows by a camouflaged Starlight, who was also very bored. While she could strike at any time and was 100% sure that this was the pony who had caused this mess in the first place, she didn't have anything hard to incriminate him with. Just magic that could easily be disproven in a courtroom. Add to that the fact that she had to remain completely motionless otherwise the spell would wear off, leaving her in a very awkward position and she really had to stick to waiting for the right moment on this one. Because despite what she said about not liking Twilight's methodology, one thing was a fact; Twilight would absolutely get on her case if she didn't at least try to find something incriminating before going full vigilante again.

"980 Bits! I can't believe I managed to sell all 98 puppies I had in one day! Man, once I get back to Manechester, I really need to double down on producing these guys! I'll be in Neighpon before anypony even knows! Now to store these up stairs..." Shady muttered to himself, taking the large back of bits and taking it up the stairs. After a few moments, Starlight heard the front door opening and closing again, followed by a locking noise.

She was alone again, perfect. Disabling her spells, she rushed upstairs to find anything incriminating. Plans, receipts, recipes, puppies...

After a few moments of searching, she found a hidden compartment in a drawer that showed he exactly what she needed. Pages upon pages of spell diagrams, theory work, magical equations, pricing, receipts for the equipment he rented, this was the motherlode.

Taking a nearby saddlebag, (Could it be considered theft when they're a con artist?) Starlight stuffed as many documents as she could shove inside the pair of bags before she made her exit by breaking another window and gently floating herself down to the ground. All she had to do was find the con artist and she'd be golden.

"I'm sorry!" Fluttershy yelled preemptively as a puppy's owner turned around before a magnificent punt sent the puppy careening into the sky. By her count, that was 98 puppies she had kicked around Ponyville. The physical toll taken on her was finally catching up to her as she collapsed, ignoring the distressed owner's cries.

"Oi!" Came a gruff, oddly accented voice as she finally regained her standing position. A brown stallion was threateningly pacing towards her. Fluttershy could also see the stallion's cutiemark, which was of 3 bits. Looking closer revealed that it was actually fake, due to the bits being silver and dented in multiple places.

This didn't stop the stallion from hovering menacingly a few feet in front of her. "i said oi you daft whorse, why did you kick that puppy?" he yelled at the loudest volume he could muster.

"O-oh, I'm s-sorry. My hooves have been a-acting up all d-day..." Fluttershy cowered before the stallion, her natural instincts kicking in.

"Stop right there, Shady Dealings!" a familiar voice chipped in, making the stallion turn around and look at the source. It was Starlight Glimmer, looking a bit exhausted herself, having been given no time to rest between her continuous use of magic and sprinting towards the centre of Ponyville in order to deliver the evidence safely.

"An' how did ya know my name, lil' miss pompous?" he asked gruffly, clearly sick of his plans being foiled.

"Because nobody manufactures fake magical puppies, hides all the evidence and puts their real name on every single document that could be used against them, Mr Dealings. It's all in these saddlebags I acquired." Starlight pointed to her stolen saddlebags.

"So ya managed to find some evidence against me. Good job. Won't help when yer dead." Shady Dealings replied before charging towards Starlight, who responded in turn with a repel spell that sent him several feet back. "Aw come on you magic abusin' pansy, fight me like a real stallion." he mocked the unicorn.

Fluttershy by this point, had recovered from the shock and was just now plain angry. She had kicked over 100 fake puppies today, and all so this filthy, double-dealing con artist could have a few bits? She knew what needed to be done, now that Shady Dealings was distracted. She trotted up to him, slowly but surely. Step by step until her leg reacted like it had been all day. Right between his own legs.

Shady Dealings collapsed in pain, winded and unable to speak. This left him easily able to be taken in by Starlight, but not before disabling Reactus Maximus Puntus. "That was seriously the most dirty way I've seen a spell used. Never speak of this again, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy nodded before the pair trotted off into the sunset, prisoner in tow. Twilight was already home from her unexplained trip when the 3 ponies made it to the Castle of Friendship, but was thoroughly confused on why the stallion was in so much pain.

Neither mare said anything about what happened.

Soon after, the Royal Guard arrived to take witness statements for Starlight and Fluttershy, who told the wholehearted truth, but wisely didn't mention the groin attack used to disable Shady Dealings. After retrieving the bits from Shady Dealings' home, all the owners were reimbursed their 10 Bits due to all 98 owners coming in to report Fluttershy for animal cruelty. Because of the overwhelming lack of puppies actually existing, all charges were dropped for Fluttershy, but was warned not to punt small animals again.

Starlight Glimmer received 100 hours of community service for breaking and entering, along with using the illegal tracking spell. These charges were dropped after a stern lecture by Twilight on the ramifications of using illegal spells to do vigilante justice. Again.

Shady Dealings received a lifetime sentence for breaking and entering, using illegal magic, using illegal magic to create life, fraud, selling magical entities without a licence, being a public nuisance and using a fake name on official documents. His name turned out to be Dented Silver and was a former employee for Filthy Rich, along with being one of Spoiled Rich's many, MANY suitors that was later revealed during the divorce process.

He denied everything but the affair in court, going so far as to go into excruciating detail about the affair, ultimately leading to the aforementioned divorce.

Princess Luna called it "A disgusting mockery of a court case."

Princess Celestia decided not to impose extra charges for wasting court time due to how hilarious the entire case was.

Princess Twilight just hated everything about the case and wanted it to be over as fast as possible, so threw the book at him.

Literally. Dented Silver ended up having to get stitches from how hard the book was thrown. It was the legal texts of Equestria too, and that book was thicker than most dictionaries.

However, this story isn't about the highs and lows of the Equestrian justice system, it's about Fluttershy kicking puppies.

And it has come to a close.

Author's Note

I regret nothing.

Special thanks to the fucks in the Rage Reviews Discord for giving me this insanity to begin with. You know who you are.