In Which the Storm King Learns What Pain is
"Seriously, what am I even looking at?" The large, bipedal kudu-monkey-thing known as the Storm King laughed, looking at the small object held in his hands. He was holding what looked like a small, cheap bobble-headed figurine of one of the three princesses. Which one it was supposed to be, he couldn't tell. It was hard for him to see which Alicorn's colors matched those of the toy's when they were all encased in crystal. Not that he cared anyways.
"Grr, Ugh Murghrr Hrrum?" One of his guards mumbled cautiously, raising her claw. The King rolled his eyes, and turned to face her, starting to regret hiring giant honey badgers as his minions. They couldn't even speak Basic Ponish, for goodness sake!
"Yes, I can see that it's a bobble-head, Kathrine." He grumbled dryly. "But it's so poorly made! Look at this... thing!" He flicked the head lightly, causing it to pop off instantly. "It's no wonder this place was so easy to take over, if their merch is this low quality!"
Katherine was about to utter some more gibberish when a loud boom echoed throughout the throne room, causing the everyone inside to draw their attention to the balcony door, where a disgruntled and noticeably wrinkly old hag of a mare was storming in from. A few of the guards moved to stop her, but one glance from those aged, tired and overall fed-up eyes was enough to stop them in their tracks. The Storm King himself, though, was merely standing still because... well... he was curious to see where this would go, and he was bored.
"Are ye that giant monkeyboner them's all callin' the 'Storm King'?" The elderly pony rattled, pointing a shaky hoof at one of the minions.
"I dunno," the King shrugged, walking towards her. "Let's see if we can find out... big glowy staff thing, spikey crown, only creature in the room with so much as half a brain cell, and giant flags with my face on them are hung all over this stupidly cute city." He deadpanned, counting on his fingers before scratching his chin. "Am I forgetting anything? Oh yeah!"
He bent down so that his teeth were in the little pony's face. "There's also the giant banner with my face that's hanging over the throne! Yes! I'm the King!"
"Don't you get smart with me, young colt!" The mare barked, jabbing a hoof into the King's stomach. "Ah'm Granny Smith--"
"I really don't care,"
"--and Ah'm here to whoop your sorry ass, you stupid son of a bitch!"
The King raised an eyebrow at that. Either this mare was very, very brave, or she was senile. "Oh? It's been a while since I took over, why is that you are only angry at me now?"
Instead of answering vocally, Granny elected to jump up, bite down on the King's ear, and drag him towards the trio of petrified Princesses. Definitely senile.
"OW! Oww ow owie..." the King whined, unable to fight free from her teeth. He decided to not even try and struggle, or this old bat might take a chunk of his ear with her. He couldn't help but chuckle in a bit of admiration at just how little fucks this mare gave about how much danger she was in. Maybe he'd let her off easy, and just boil her in tar or something.
When the old coot finally released his ear, she nodded at the tallest Princess. "This is th'young Princess Celestia. Ye know what her job was, ye dumbass?"
"I dunno, growing flowers?" The King shrugged, earning a quick hoof to the face.
"She was th' one responsible for makin' sure the sun moved every day!" Granny barked at the King, who was rubbing his sore snout.
"I don't get what's so frustrating about this, Gran." The King muttered, contemplating how much of a hassle it would be to wait until he had powers so he could kill her with some lightning.
Granny grit her teeth, and gave the King a death glare that could've wilted flowers. "Ye sed yerself that ye have a brain in that there noggin of yours, ye lummox, so use it! You've got the only creature on the fuckin' continent able to move the sun, an' ye froze'r."
A lighbulb ignited inside the King's head, and he scratched his chin. "Come to think of it, this day has lasted a long time... and it is pretty hot around here..."
Granny's glare dropped into a squint, and her lips curled into a sneer as the King's face turned blank.
"Oh..."
"Yep," Granny snarled, "yew and yer brilliant plannin' just up and froze the sun in place, wiltin' all o' us decent ponyfolk in the damned heat!"
"Kff, please, the sun setting a few hours late isn't going to kill any--" The Storm King started as he stood up, and waved her off with a scoff. Granny was having none of it, however, and bucked his legs out from under him.
"It's been two weeks, ye flibbertigibbet! And ye better listen closely, 'cause Ah'm only ginna say this once!" The miffed mare growled, marching up to the prostrate King. "Fer every day that the sun don't set, at precisely high noon, Ah'm stompin' back up here. To kick you right where it hurts most!"
To assure the King that she meant what she said, Granny fulfilled her promise. The howl of pain that followed her violent action was heard across Canterlot.
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Several days later, the mighty Storm King was in a panic. His best lieutenant had turned against him, and tackled him off the highest balcony. He could feel his body growing stiff as he was encased in the dark crystals, and he knew for certain what would happen to him when he'd hit the ground below. As the shards covered his eyes, finishing his envelopment, one final thought crossed his mind...
"At least that old lady won't be able to torment me anymore..."
Author's Note
I had fun writing this little bit of nonsense.
Mostly inspired by some people criticizing the MLP Movie for taking place in just one day. I mean, Celestia was frozen, guys, she ain't moving that sun anytime soon.
As always, please leave a thumbs up if you liked it, down if you didn't. And don't be shy about pointing out what you did and didn't like in the comments below! I could always use feedback.
