When Pain Becomes Strengthby MellowSoulChapters"I Felt Her Last Breath..."Self-Made SaintTo Stand Another Day"I Felt Her Last Breath..."Losing her mother was a devastating blow to a young Scootaloo. Only seven years of life on this god-forsaken planet called Equestria and she'd already lost everything. To try and summarize her emotional state would be in and of itself insanity. All that surrounded her were the four walls of the hotel she would soon be evicted from. She didn't really care. Where she was was nowhere near as important as how she was, and how she was was an indescribable low; the kind only a tragedy survivor would recognize. Tragedy was the best word to use for this whole situation. It affected everything about her down to her most minute motions. She didn't run around or try ridiculous ideas to get her cutie mark anymore. Her stony face masked a dark feeling of unrelenting rage. What did cancer think it was taking the last pony who cared about her on a deep level!? It was evil! Even though these angry thoughts ran through her mind, she appeared calm. A thought crossed her mind. "Maybe I can see mom again if I go too..." Scootaloo instantly pushed the thought out. She remembered the letter her mother had written her before she passed away. If she gave up and died now, she would never accomplish the things her mother wanted for her. Like it or not, she had to keep living. But what was she supposed to do now? Come next month at the latest, she wouldn't even have a roof over her head. That's when she remembered something her mom told her not long before she got sick. "Being strong in mind, heart and body will get you through even the worst times. Learn what you can, love everyone with an open heart, and make your presence known." If Scootaloo put these words into practice, she might just discover a way to cure the vile disease that had stolen her mother from her. Without thinking, she dropped to the floor and did 50 push ups. The morning after, Scootaloo was sore and stiff, but she could still move. Not only had she exercised for a full hour using nothing but her own body weight, but she'd read through every magazine in the room, some of which were packed with survival skills like growing her own food and training tips. Being that she didn't want to bother her friends by asking them to feed another mouth, that was really going to come in handy. Her plan for today was to study as much for school as possible. She was given two weeks off to come to grips with her mother's death. Using that time wisely was going to make things the smallest bit easier, even if it took a while to yield results. In order to give herself time to wake up, she studied the easiest subject for her first; social studies. She committed each line of text to memory and practiced answering the questions at the end. She spent about an hour doing this before moving on to her least favorite subject; math. Thankfully, the concepts she was dealing with were very basic multiplication and division. Practicing the problems was a cakewalk. Again, she spent an hour studying before moving on. After five hours of studying, Scootaloo finished studying for the day and went out to stretch. The sound and feeling of the wind against her reminded her of her mother. Thinking of those memories was as painful as anyone could expect. Her heart felt heavy. She tried to hold back the tears, but they couldn't be stopped. She stifled the sobs so no one would hear, and kept moving. By the time she'd stopped walking, Scootaloo had reached the ocean. She was sitting down, watching the waves move to and fro. Collecting her thoughts had become increasingly difficult since yesterday. The grief was clouding her mind over. "Hey, kid," she heard a voice say from behind her. "Hey, Rainbow..." "Why so gloomy." "I lost my mom yesterday." "So it won out, huh?" "Yeah." "What are you gonna' do?" "Change." "Come again?" "Change." "Can you clarify?" "I'll let what I do speak for itself." "Fair enough. What happened to your eye?" "Hm?" "There's a whole trail of blood here." Rainbow pointed to the top of Scootaloo's left eye and motioned downward from her cheek to her chin. "I dunno'." "You gonna' be okay?" "Not at all, but I think that's why I should try." "I'd offer to take you in, but I can't really afford it. You get it, right?" "Don't worry about it. I'd probably say no anyway." "You're going the hard road, aren't you?" "The hard road?" "Doing it all yourself." "I guess so." "Hope it works out." "I'll make sure it does." Rainbow was somewhat bewildered by the bold proclamation, but went with it. "Anyway, take care. I'll see you around." "Maybe..." The somber tone of the filly's voice caused Rainbow a great amount of visible concern, but there was nothing she could do. "Bye, kid." "Bye." Rainbow left Scootaloo to what thoughts she could muster. After making adjustments to her exercise plan and studying both school material and nutrition, Scootaloo returned to the class building she shared with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, but there wouldn't be any talk of cutie marks or bullies today. Only one thing was on her mind; survival. For the whole day she barely said a word. This fact didn't remain escaped by Cheerilee for long. When the day was over, a conversation between the two ensued. "Scootaloo, can I talk to you for a minute." "Sure." "You were so quiet today. Are you feeling alright?" "Not at all, but it is what it is." "I'm very sorry about your mom." "I was holding her hoof when she died. I felt her last breath. The doctors tried, but they couldn't bring her back." "I know. I just want to make sure you're calm enough to focus." "Yeah. I can think a little clearer now." "Okay. Go ahead and try to enjoy the rest of your day. I'll be here if you need me." "Thanks." Scootaloo got up to walk out the door, but stopped. There was still something she wanted to say. "Ms. Cheerilee, do you remember when you asked us if we knew what we wanted to be when we grew up?" "Yes." "I think I know now." "What do you want to be?" "...A mom." Self-Made SaintThe October afternoon was one of the coldest and grayest on record in Ponyville. Bluish-grey clouds were cast over the world. During this day, two older stallions were picking on a young filly. She seemed to be extremely hurt by their words. "Hehe. What's the matter? You a crybaby or somethin'?" "Need to go home and have your mama change your diaper?" "Guys, leave her alone...," They heard a voice say. When they turned around, they saw another little filly in a black hoodie, the hood draping over her face. "You gonna' make us, runt?" Instead of tacking on another insult, his friend gave him a slap upside the head. "Knock it off. Do you know who that is?" "Why should I?" "You ding dong! That's Saint Scootaloo. I told you about her before. That's the kid who lost her mom to leukemia a year ago and started training out of the blue." "You're pullin' my leg here. She's only an elementary school student." "No; not this one. Rumor has it she was so sad after it happened that every time she trained, she would go so hard it made her bleed. She worked at the apple farm and boutique to the point of puking and passing out a bunch of times. She's got more heart than anyone else in this town; so much so that the princesses themselves recognized her as a virtuous being and gave her the title of Saint." "Hey, kid," the first stallion asked, "Is it true what they say about the timber wolf incident?" "The timber wolf was self-defense. I had to crush its head in to save myself..." "it's true, then!?" "That's what I've been telling you, dude," his lackey responded for her. "What about the hood? Is it true you use it to cover your bleeding eye?" "My left eye bleeds if I get too sad when I train. I still can't figure out why. I don't use the hood to hide it. I don't want anyone to see what I'm feeling..." "One last question. Are you studying to find cures for different types of cancers?" "It's not easy..." "Look; I'm not keen on tasting the ground today. Can you just let us go?" "I wasn't planning on fighting anyway. Just don't pick on ponies. It's not cool..." The two stallions walked off. "That kid's no joke," the first one said. "She's done more good for this place than I think anyone else ever will." Scootaloo went and comforted the filly. "Are you okay?" "Yes. Thank you." "I don't think you'll have to worry about those guys anymore." "Are you the Scootaloo I've heard about before; the one who lost her mom?" "That's me..." "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up." "Don't worry. It happened a long time ago. I'm used to her being gone..." "Would you mind walking me home? I'm scared of days like this." "Yeah. Lead the way." "Thank you for bringing me home. Do you want to come in?" "Are you sure? I don't want to bother anybody." "It's fine." "I guess I could use a break." The two of them headed inside. "How's the cancer thing going?" "I've been testing something called CBD oil. It's a type of oil extracted from a plant called cannabis." "Extracted?" "Taken from. Sorry. I've studied a lot over the last year and learned a few big words. Sometimes I forget I'm talking to other ponies my age." "Oh, okay. I get it." "The problem with CBD oil is that it's still too weak. It holds back cancer cells, but it doesn't kill them." "Did you try using more of it?" "Actually, no. One of the drawbacks of research is that sometimes things seem harder than they really are. Another thing I could try is mixing it with other types of chemicals to see if I can amplify its effects." "Can I ask you something?" "Go for it." "When I first heard about you, there was a rumor going around that you wanted to be a mom when you grew up. Is it true?" "...Yeah. It is." "I think it's nice." "Thanks. It means a lot." "Did you think about who you wanted the dad to be?" "I can't say I have. I hope it's someone who actually loves the kids as much as I do. My dad was kind of a bad guy." "He was?" "Yeah. He hurt my mom a lot when I was really little. I want to meet someone nice who'll take care of them like I will." "You really are sad, aren't you?" Scootaloo removed her hood to show her tired eyes. Her mane had grown over the left one to hide the trickle of blood commonly associated with her training. "I'm sorry." "About what?" "Your mom and dad. It couldn't have been easy." "If everything was easy, we wouldn't get stronger, right?" "That's true. You're really smart." "I just put a lot of time into learning and being kind to everybody. It made things a little easier for me. After I finish regular school, I'm gonna' go to a trade school and learn some skills for work." "Do you think I can too?" "You can do anything you set your mind too. If anyone says you can't, you look them dead in the eye and tell them 'you're wrong'." "I will." "I have to start heading home. There's a test tomorrow and I want to be ready." "Can I go with you?" "It's too dangerous. I built a house in the woods where the timber wolves are so nobody would try to find me." "Why didn't you want anybody to find you?" "So I could change without anyone trying to stop me." "Why would they stop you?" "Because I live and breathe pain. If I stopped being sad, I wouldn't feel like trying to be better than I was before." "Isn't that bad for you?" "Couldn't be any worse than what I've already been through." "My parents will be home soon. I need to start studying too. Can you come back sometime?" "Yeah. I'll drop by tomorrow. Thanks for talking to me. I feel a bit better now. I haven't had the chance to really sit down with anyone and talk about what's been bothering me." "I hope you can be happy someday." "I promise I'll try." "Yeah. Promise." "Try to get some rest. You'll need as much as you can get." "Okay. I'll see you later." "See ya'." Scootaloo got up and left the filly's house. Cold rain poured down outside. It always made Scootaloo sleepy for some reason. "She seems really sweet. Maybe we can at least get some kind of therapy from each other's company." With nothing left to gain from remaining in front of the house for the time being, Scootaloo spread her wings. "Time to go home..." To Stand Another DayIt was a ritual Scootaloo had done time and time again after the second day; coming to the ocean to quiet her troubled mind. The gloomy shore was her only consistent comfort. However, something different happened today. She never expected to be followed. "Scootaloo," she heard someone say after a brief period. "Apple Bloom?" She looked a little further up the shore to find Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle waiting for her. "Took us forever to find ya'," The apple filly stated. "Sorry..." "Are you okay," Sweetie asked sweetly. "No." "Applejack and Raity said the same thing," Sweetie admitted. "Are they alright?" "They're fine. The told us you weren't, though." "They're right. I'm a complete wreck." "You talkin' fancy again," Apple Bloom joked. "I guess I am." "Scootaloo, we're worried about you. Ever since your mom died, you've been a completely different pony. You used to be so happy. Now you won't even let us see your face," Sweetie Interjected. "If I did, it would make you feel even worse. I don't want to hurt you guys." "Rarity told me we're all going to get hurt sooner or later. That's just the way it works." "It's even worse for you guys though. You're my best friends." "We're being hurt one way or another. If you hurt us the other way, we can try to help you." "You...Can?" "Only if you show us what you're really hiding." "I never thought about it that way." Scootaloo thought this over for a long time. "You're right." She began walking forward. When she was about halfway to her friends, her hood was blown off by the wind. The wind had blown her mane back as well, revealing the eye that was known to bleed. There was nothing there this time except for the sad stare. "Holy moly," Apple Bloom exclaimed, "I ain't never seen anyone look like that before." "This is the real you," Sweetie Belle enlightened her friend. "I used to think being afraid or sad about things was dumb, but now I know Rainbow Dash never went through the same things I did. It takes something bad happening to really understand as much as we can." Scootaloo wrapped her forelegs around both her friends. "I love you guys," she said as she started to cry. "We love you too, Scoots," Apple Bloom assured her. "Let's go home," Sweetie Belle suggested. "Yeah," Apple Bloom agreed. They carried their friend back to Ponyville where she collapsed from emotional exhaustion in Apple Bloom's home. Morning would be waiting for her to take the next step. For now, there was a heart to heal.
"I Felt Her Last Breath..."Losing her mother was a devastating blow to a young Scootaloo. Only seven years of life on this god-forsaken planet called Equestria and she'd already lost everything. To try and summarize her emotional state would be in and of itself insanity. All that surrounded her were the four walls of the hotel she would soon be evicted from. She didn't really care. Where she was was nowhere near as important as how she was, and how she was was an indescribable low; the kind only a tragedy survivor would recognize. Tragedy was the best word to use for this whole situation. It affected everything about her down to her most minute motions. She didn't run around or try ridiculous ideas to get her cutie mark anymore. Her stony face masked a dark feeling of unrelenting rage. What did cancer think it was taking the last pony who cared about her on a deep level!? It was evil! Even though these angry thoughts ran through her mind, she appeared calm. A thought crossed her mind. "Maybe I can see mom again if I go too..." Scootaloo instantly pushed the thought out. She remembered the letter her mother had written her before she passed away. If she gave up and died now, she would never accomplish the things her mother wanted for her. Like it or not, she had to keep living. But what was she supposed to do now? Come next month at the latest, she wouldn't even have a roof over her head. That's when she remembered something her mom told her not long before she got sick. "Being strong in mind, heart and body will get you through even the worst times. Learn what you can, love everyone with an open heart, and make your presence known." If Scootaloo put these words into practice, she might just discover a way to cure the vile disease that had stolen her mother from her. Without thinking, she dropped to the floor and did 50 push ups. The morning after, Scootaloo was sore and stiff, but she could still move. Not only had she exercised for a full hour using nothing but her own body weight, but she'd read through every magazine in the room, some of which were packed with survival skills like growing her own food and training tips. Being that she didn't want to bother her friends by asking them to feed another mouth, that was really going to come in handy. Her plan for today was to study as much for school as possible. She was given two weeks off to come to grips with her mother's death. Using that time wisely was going to make things the smallest bit easier, even if it took a while to yield results. In order to give herself time to wake up, she studied the easiest subject for her first; social studies. She committed each line of text to memory and practiced answering the questions at the end. She spent about an hour doing this before moving on to her least favorite subject; math. Thankfully, the concepts she was dealing with were very basic multiplication and division. Practicing the problems was a cakewalk. Again, she spent an hour studying before moving on. After five hours of studying, Scootaloo finished studying for the day and went out to stretch. The sound and feeling of the wind against her reminded her of her mother. Thinking of those memories was as painful as anyone could expect. Her heart felt heavy. She tried to hold back the tears, but they couldn't be stopped. She stifled the sobs so no one would hear, and kept moving. By the time she'd stopped walking, Scootaloo had reached the ocean. She was sitting down, watching the waves move to and fro. Collecting her thoughts had become increasingly difficult since yesterday. The grief was clouding her mind over. "Hey, kid," she heard a voice say from behind her. "Hey, Rainbow..." "Why so gloomy." "I lost my mom yesterday." "So it won out, huh?" "Yeah." "What are you gonna' do?" "Change." "Come again?" "Change." "Can you clarify?" "I'll let what I do speak for itself." "Fair enough. What happened to your eye?" "Hm?" "There's a whole trail of blood here." Rainbow pointed to the top of Scootaloo's left eye and motioned downward from her cheek to her chin. "I dunno'." "You gonna' be okay?" "Not at all, but I think that's why I should try." "I'd offer to take you in, but I can't really afford it. You get it, right?" "Don't worry about it. I'd probably say no anyway." "You're going the hard road, aren't you?" "The hard road?" "Doing it all yourself." "I guess so." "Hope it works out." "I'll make sure it does." Rainbow was somewhat bewildered by the bold proclamation, but went with it. "Anyway, take care. I'll see you around." "Maybe..." The somber tone of the filly's voice caused Rainbow a great amount of visible concern, but there was nothing she could do. "Bye, kid." "Bye." Rainbow left Scootaloo to what thoughts she could muster. After making adjustments to her exercise plan and studying both school material and nutrition, Scootaloo returned to the class building she shared with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, but there wouldn't be any talk of cutie marks or bullies today. Only one thing was on her mind; survival. For the whole day she barely said a word. This fact didn't remain escaped by Cheerilee for long. When the day was over, a conversation between the two ensued. "Scootaloo, can I talk to you for a minute." "Sure." "You were so quiet today. Are you feeling alright?" "Not at all, but it is what it is." "I'm very sorry about your mom." "I was holding her hoof when she died. I felt her last breath. The doctors tried, but they couldn't bring her back." "I know. I just want to make sure you're calm enough to focus." "Yeah. I can think a little clearer now." "Okay. Go ahead and try to enjoy the rest of your day. I'll be here if you need me." "Thanks." Scootaloo got up to walk out the door, but stopped. There was still something she wanted to say. "Ms. Cheerilee, do you remember when you asked us if we knew what we wanted to be when we grew up?" "Yes." "I think I know now." "What do you want to be?" "...A mom."
Self-Made SaintThe October afternoon was one of the coldest and grayest on record in Ponyville. Bluish-grey clouds were cast over the world. During this day, two older stallions were picking on a young filly. She seemed to be extremely hurt by their words. "Hehe. What's the matter? You a crybaby or somethin'?" "Need to go home and have your mama change your diaper?" "Guys, leave her alone...," They heard a voice say. When they turned around, they saw another little filly in a black hoodie, the hood draping over her face. "You gonna' make us, runt?" Instead of tacking on another insult, his friend gave him a slap upside the head. "Knock it off. Do you know who that is?" "Why should I?" "You ding dong! That's Saint Scootaloo. I told you about her before. That's the kid who lost her mom to leukemia a year ago and started training out of the blue." "You're pullin' my leg here. She's only an elementary school student." "No; not this one. Rumor has it she was so sad after it happened that every time she trained, she would go so hard it made her bleed. She worked at the apple farm and boutique to the point of puking and passing out a bunch of times. She's got more heart than anyone else in this town; so much so that the princesses themselves recognized her as a virtuous being and gave her the title of Saint." "Hey, kid," the first stallion asked, "Is it true what they say about the timber wolf incident?" "The timber wolf was self-defense. I had to crush its head in to save myself..." "it's true, then!?" "That's what I've been telling you, dude," his lackey responded for her. "What about the hood? Is it true you use it to cover your bleeding eye?" "My left eye bleeds if I get too sad when I train. I still can't figure out why. I don't use the hood to hide it. I don't want anyone to see what I'm feeling..." "One last question. Are you studying to find cures for different types of cancers?" "It's not easy..." "Look; I'm not keen on tasting the ground today. Can you just let us go?" "I wasn't planning on fighting anyway. Just don't pick on ponies. It's not cool..." The two stallions walked off. "That kid's no joke," the first one said. "She's done more good for this place than I think anyone else ever will." Scootaloo went and comforted the filly. "Are you okay?" "Yes. Thank you." "I don't think you'll have to worry about those guys anymore." "Are you the Scootaloo I've heard about before; the one who lost her mom?" "That's me..." "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up." "Don't worry. It happened a long time ago. I'm used to her being gone..." "Would you mind walking me home? I'm scared of days like this." "Yeah. Lead the way." "Thank you for bringing me home. Do you want to come in?" "Are you sure? I don't want to bother anybody." "It's fine." "I guess I could use a break." The two of them headed inside. "How's the cancer thing going?" "I've been testing something called CBD oil. It's a type of oil extracted from a plant called cannabis." "Extracted?" "Taken from. Sorry. I've studied a lot over the last year and learned a few big words. Sometimes I forget I'm talking to other ponies my age." "Oh, okay. I get it." "The problem with CBD oil is that it's still too weak. It holds back cancer cells, but it doesn't kill them." "Did you try using more of it?" "Actually, no. One of the drawbacks of research is that sometimes things seem harder than they really are. Another thing I could try is mixing it with other types of chemicals to see if I can amplify its effects." "Can I ask you something?" "Go for it." "When I first heard about you, there was a rumor going around that you wanted to be a mom when you grew up. Is it true?" "...Yeah. It is." "I think it's nice." "Thanks. It means a lot." "Did you think about who you wanted the dad to be?" "I can't say I have. I hope it's someone who actually loves the kids as much as I do. My dad was kind of a bad guy." "He was?" "Yeah. He hurt my mom a lot when I was really little. I want to meet someone nice who'll take care of them like I will." "You really are sad, aren't you?" Scootaloo removed her hood to show her tired eyes. Her mane had grown over the left one to hide the trickle of blood commonly associated with her training. "I'm sorry." "About what?" "Your mom and dad. It couldn't have been easy." "If everything was easy, we wouldn't get stronger, right?" "That's true. You're really smart." "I just put a lot of time into learning and being kind to everybody. It made things a little easier for me. After I finish regular school, I'm gonna' go to a trade school and learn some skills for work." "Do you think I can too?" "You can do anything you set your mind too. If anyone says you can't, you look them dead in the eye and tell them 'you're wrong'." "I will." "I have to start heading home. There's a test tomorrow and I want to be ready." "Can I go with you?" "It's too dangerous. I built a house in the woods where the timber wolves are so nobody would try to find me." "Why didn't you want anybody to find you?" "So I could change without anyone trying to stop me." "Why would they stop you?" "Because I live and breathe pain. If I stopped being sad, I wouldn't feel like trying to be better than I was before." "Isn't that bad for you?" "Couldn't be any worse than what I've already been through." "My parents will be home soon. I need to start studying too. Can you come back sometime?" "Yeah. I'll drop by tomorrow. Thanks for talking to me. I feel a bit better now. I haven't had the chance to really sit down with anyone and talk about what's been bothering me." "I hope you can be happy someday." "I promise I'll try." "Yeah. Promise." "Try to get some rest. You'll need as much as you can get." "Okay. I'll see you later." "See ya'." Scootaloo got up and left the filly's house. Cold rain poured down outside. It always made Scootaloo sleepy for some reason. "She seems really sweet. Maybe we can at least get some kind of therapy from each other's company." With nothing left to gain from remaining in front of the house for the time being, Scootaloo spread her wings. "Time to go home..."
To Stand Another DayIt was a ritual Scootaloo had done time and time again after the second day; coming to the ocean to quiet her troubled mind. The gloomy shore was her only consistent comfort. However, something different happened today. She never expected to be followed. "Scootaloo," she heard someone say after a brief period. "Apple Bloom?" She looked a little further up the shore to find Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle waiting for her. "Took us forever to find ya'," The apple filly stated. "Sorry..." "Are you okay," Sweetie asked sweetly. "No." "Applejack and Raity said the same thing," Sweetie admitted. "Are they alright?" "They're fine. The told us you weren't, though." "They're right. I'm a complete wreck." "You talkin' fancy again," Apple Bloom joked. "I guess I am." "Scootaloo, we're worried about you. Ever since your mom died, you've been a completely different pony. You used to be so happy. Now you won't even let us see your face," Sweetie Interjected. "If I did, it would make you feel even worse. I don't want to hurt you guys." "Rarity told me we're all going to get hurt sooner or later. That's just the way it works." "It's even worse for you guys though. You're my best friends." "We're being hurt one way or another. If you hurt us the other way, we can try to help you." "You...Can?" "Only if you show us what you're really hiding." "I never thought about it that way." Scootaloo thought this over for a long time. "You're right." She began walking forward. When she was about halfway to her friends, her hood was blown off by the wind. The wind had blown her mane back as well, revealing the eye that was known to bleed. There was nothing there this time except for the sad stare. "Holy moly," Apple Bloom exclaimed, "I ain't never seen anyone look like that before." "This is the real you," Sweetie Belle enlightened her friend. "I used to think being afraid or sad about things was dumb, but now I know Rainbow Dash never went through the same things I did. It takes something bad happening to really understand as much as we can." Scootaloo wrapped her forelegs around both her friends. "I love you guys," she said as she started to cry. "We love you too, Scoots," Apple Bloom assured her. "Let's go home," Sweetie Belle suggested. "Yeah," Apple Bloom agreed. They carried their friend back to Ponyville where she collapsed from emotional exhaustion in Apple Bloom's home. Morning would be waiting for her to take the next step. For now, there was a heart to heal.
