Author's Note

Okay, so this one has been simmering in the brain for a while, but never made it to story process, until now. In case you couldn't tell by the title, yes, this will lead into Pinkie and Twilight being a Joker/Harley pair, not directly calling themselves 'The Joker' and 'Harley Quinn' but at least styling themselves like them. I'm not going to say whether or not Pinkie will be abusive like the Joker, you'll just have to read on. That will be a story element, that aspect of the relationship. But, next chapter is Twilight giving the report to Celestia. I will say this, if you enjoy Celestia, well, this'll be her at her absolute worst. I realized when writing this that it's a story where Pinkie and Twilight, who are effectively criminals, styled after Harley Quinn and the Joker, are the HEROES! Princess Celestia is the villain. Verdict is still out if I make her go full Daybreaker. But, rest assured, Celestia will be her absolute worse self in this. Hope you guys like this story.

Patient Observation: 1

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"Friday, August 15. Princess Twilight Sparkle overseeing patient 1212078. Pinkamena Diane Pie, aka Pinkamena. Good morning, Miss Pie."

Twilight had to praise herself for how composed she started this, when in reality, her heart felt it was going to burst out of it's chest from terror. Sitting on one side of the table, Twilight looked over to the other side of the table where her former friend sat. Though, to the lavender Alicorn, barley anything remained of her cheerful friend. Her mane having resorted to it's natural straight shape and her pink coat much more dull, Pinkamena was strapped up in a straitjacket, her back hooves cuffed to the legs of the chair. Even more cuffs were on the sleeves of the straitjacket, secured to the back of the chair, and she had on a muzzle, but with a few visible bars for her to still talk. Even all strapped up like that, Twilight still felt it wasn't enough. Pinkamena was crafty, and she also was A LOT more powerful than Twilight had once thought. Who was to say that the straitjacket was even working?

Pinkamena let out a bored sigh on the other side of the table. "After all we've been through, it's 'Miss Pie' now?" she asked, her blue eyes pointed right at Twilight, almost like she was trying to stare into Twilight's soul.

The Princess of Friendship frowned. "Well, in light of your recent transgressions, I don't feel it would be appropriate to call you by your old name. That would be irresponsible and unprofessional," she said.

"Seven. Years. I've counted you know. From the day you arrived in Ponyville, to when you and the others threw me in here and threw away the key, I've counted how long we've known each other, and in all that time never once did I hear you call me Miss Pie," Pinkamena said.

"You butchered innocent ponies and turned them into pastries, and then you sold those pastries to other ponies. Butchering and baking ponies and then getting other ponies to unknowingly commit cannibalism, those are things that cannot be tolerated, whether we were friends or not," Twilight said.

Pinkamena chuckled coldly. "So I went a little screw loose. Do you wanna know the reason why?" she asked.

Twilight's eyes narrowed. "There's a reason?"

"There's always a reason for something like that, Twilight. There's always a reason why someone like me.."

"Somepony"

"SOMEONE! Let's stop with the whole 'identifying as ponies' crap, okay? Because from the very beginning, neither you nor any of the other girls could comprehend what I could. I've seen things you can't possibly imagine, Twilight, and I know, I know, it sounds crazy. It sounds insane, but it's true. Ever since the Sonic Rainboom, a whole new sense of being opened up to me, and I could see beyond the confines of our world, and it made me realize, we're all pastel colored horses, in a bright technicolor world filled with sunshine and friendship," Pinkamena said, her eyes narrowing. This wasn't the first time she'd said this to the bookworm, but hearing it now, while Pinkamena was trussed up in her straitjacket, it started to sound eerily true to Twilight. Thinking like that WAS NOT the right course of action for the Alicorn to take. But, Pinkamena wasn't done.

"The real world doesn't work like that. The real world is dark, and gritty, with death, and sickness, and meaningless sex. So, what I did, butchering ponies and turning them into cupcakes, I incorporated a bit of the real world into our song filled...LSD trip. Not so much with the cannibalism, I admit, but the death definitely. That was the real world being brought in."

Twilight's eyes widened. This was a new part to the old song and dance Pinkamena was spouting.

"Even if I was to believe you, what would any of that accomplish?" the Alicorn asked. Throwing her head back, Pinkamena cackled, the chair she was in leaning back a bit. Her whole body shook as she cackled from behind the muzzle, then slowly she stopped, looking at Twilight.

"I think it's accomplished wonders. For example, am I right in assuming that Applejack and Rarity have gotten together? Am I right in that assumption? I mean, we all knew that there had to be some kind of attraction but now, well, they just can't seem to keep their hooves off each other, can they? Another thing, hasn't Fluttershy been binging on hard Apple Cider behind the barn at Sweet Apple Acres? Hasn't Applejack been supplying her with the Apple Cider, to help with her social issues? Heard she's made quite a scene at a few Ponyville gatherings. Hasn't Rainbow Dash been losing her temper a bit more? Didn't she cause quite a ruckus in the town square, assaulted someone I heard? Didn't Rarity trash a hotel room in Las Pegasus because they wouldn't give her the right towels? Am I correct that all of that happened? You see, what I did, while it may be perceived as 'crazy', as 'not normal', as 'monstrous', what I did is I showed exactly what the real world is like. By adding death, by showing just what death is like to all of you, really, I opened things up. Because, here's the thing, Twi. We're not all 'special little snowflakes', okay? We're not, no matter how much we'd like to be. Deep down we all know, and you especially, that this whole 'reigning under friendship' thing that Celestia has, it's not gonna last. When it does, trust me, these so-called 'civilized ponies' will turn on each other at the drop of a hat. Twilight, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve and no amount of therapy, that you perceive that there's something wrong with me, is gonna change that."

There was silence that reigned for a good minute and half after Pinkamena was done. Twilight's mind was racing. What Pinkamena said, while on the surface sounded crazy, was incredibly profound. The scary thing was that Pinkamena wasn't entirely wrong. Recently, Twilight had begun to see the crack's appear in Princess Celestia's methods, but when confronting her former mentor about it, Twilight was simply given an abrasive response. It was after that, that Ponyville suffered another crime since Pinkamena was apprehended. It was a simple breaking and entering, but the fact that it happened so bluntly in Ponyville was the point. Pinkamena was thought to be the rare exception, that it was simply a conclusion that was inevitable, but the perpetrator of the break in was a stallion with a family. A normal pony who did this crime. That was what floored Twilight. Delving too deeply into the psychosis which Pinkamena resided in was NOT a good idea, so Twilight pulled out the big guns.

"If you still want to keep your life, you'll need to go along with these therapy sessions," she said, as blunt as possible so Pinkamena knew she wasn't joking. The former party planner went still for a second, staring at the Princess of Friendship.

"I'm sorry, did I hear that correctly?" Pinkamena asked.

"Princess Celestia decreed that if you didn't cooperate with these sessions, she'd be forced to execute you," Twilight said, fixing a stern expression at Pinkamena.

"Well, that's a surprise," the pink mare said, leaning forward with an air of delight, her eyes twinkling. "I'll bet in all the years you've known her, you've never heard the word 'execute' come from her mouth."

Twilight cast her eyes down. It was true, she'd never heard her former mentor say that word, not even with Chyrsalis. But, not only did Celestia broker the idea of execution, she even discussed with Twilight the method of execution. Beheading by guillotine. That practice had been ended thousands of years ago, and yet, Princess Celestia was seriously considering it.

"No. I never did," the Alicorn princess said.

Pinkamena smirked from behind the muzzle. "Hmm. Affecting even more, it seems. Tell me, is Princess Luna experiencing any...hostile takeover issues?" she asked, clearly enjoying the effect this was having on Twilight.

"Will you answer the questions I was given or not?!" Twilight snapped. This back and forth was becoming irritating.

"Very well. I'm an open book, Twi. Ask away," the pink mare said, scooting back a bit in her chair.

"How did you sleep last night?" Twilight asked, reciting the first question Princess Celestia had listed.

"Fine. As fine as I can, what with my...current surroundings," Pinkamena said, gesturing at the room with her head.

"Did you have any dreams?" Twilight asked, reciting the follow up question on the page.

"Yeah. Nothing too exciting," Pinkamena said, yawning, almost like she was bored with the conversation already.

"Well, anything is useful to know about. What did you dream?" Twilight asked, placing the point of her quill on parchment.

"I dreamt I brought peace to the Dragon Kingdom," the former party planner said.

Twilight smiled, writing it down. "Really? Well, that's positive. What was the solution?"

"War," Pinkamena said, without any sarcasm. The quill stopped, as Twilight tried to wrap her head around what Pinkamena just said.

"I'm sorry, what?" the Alicorn asked, genuinely confused.

Pinkamena sighed, like the answer was obvious. "Twilight, it's not that hard. You should know, a negative plus a negative will ultimately equal a positive. Right now, the Dragon's are at war with the Griffon's, who happen to be our allies. Now, there is no declaration that states that Equestria can't get involved with this. If Celestia wanted to, she could easily join this war and help our allies, but she won't. She says it's because that when it ends, there's a chance she could extend a hoof of friendship to the Dragon's, but I know it's because she'd rather they both kill each other, so she doesn't have to worry about any..threats to her rule. Now, in my dream, I made it so the Dragon's went to war with us. Because Celestia was then provoked, she sends out the military, the Wonderbolts, anything she can and the one thing that ends up brokering peace, is simply giving the Dragon's what they want."

"Which is what?" Twilight asked, slowly transcribing the dream, curious on just how Pinkamena's crazy mind came up with this solution.

"Occasional war from time to time. Small wars, not fatal, no one gets hurt. Just..proxy wars that give the Dragon's something to do. Eventually, those wars stop and they extend an olive branch to Equestria, a proposal to live in peace with each other," Pinkamena said, finishing the recount by chuckling to herself. But it wasn't enough for Twilight.

"But, what was Princess Celestia's answer? Did..did she accept the Dragon's proposal of peace?" she asked. Pinkamena grinned.

"I could tell you, but I know that you're going to give this report to Celestia. Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Twilight sighed, looking at the clock. She'd already spent a good two hours talking with Pinkamena. She put the quill down, as the orderlies opened the door with the cart to take Pinkamena back to her cell.

"Hey! Sprucey! Long time, no see, old buddy! How're the wife and kids?" Pinkamena asked, throwing her head back and cackling. The orange stallion, T. Spruce it said on his name tag, glared.

"Far away from you, you psycho," he said. Pinkamena smiled, her blue eyes twinkling. Turning back to Twilight, she regarded her former friend as Spruce and the other orderly was placing Pinkamena back on the cart.

"You know, this morning when they said I was having a therapy session, with you of all ponies, Twilight, I was a bit upset. However, the more we've talked today, the more I'm looking forward to our next session. That is, if Celestia doesn't sentence me to the guillotine first. One can hope, right, Twi? See you around. Keep smiling," she said, then threw her head back and laughed raucously, a mix of a cackle, chortle and snort. The laughter continued as she was led out the door and down the hall. Gathering her things in silence, Twilight took a few deep breaths. Those last two hours were harrowing. While it was obviously true, Pinkamena was crazy, it almost seemed that she was a lot more..intelligent than Pinkie once projected herself, and THAT was what scared Twilight the most.

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