Simply Magic

You were in your lab, underneath the Friendship Castle. Bottles lay, scattered across the floor. You have one unfinished bottle in front of you, almost empty of a suspiciously colored liquid.

It was your own alcohol you personally brewed down here in your lab. Unfortunately, Equestria lacked any form of alcohol other than hard cider and wine. These ponies mainly get tipsy off of salt water. So you took it upon yourself to make something stronger, and you’re loving every bit of it, cutting loose especially from Twilight constant nagging at you to get a job.

“Oh-oh, man. T-this is-urp-is going to be… going to be so good. I can already… I can already taste it.” You wipe some your lips with the sleeve of your magician’s robe. At the moment, you had in front of you a grill set up above a can stove, the flame the only source of light and currently cooking up some dried squid you secretly caught and hung dry.

It didn’t help your mood that these ponies don’t condone eating meat with the exception of some animal caretakers like your friend, Butterball, and the local veterinarian. For all their talk of friendship, they aren't all that understanding of other species. I need my protein, you xenophobic fucks!

Crash

You threw your unfinished bottle across the room, shattering it against the wall.

“Steve? Steve, you down, here?”

Spike? Good ol’ Spike. “Spike, h-hey, Spike, yeah-urp, down here, buddy,” you slurred, noticing him by the hatch in the lawn you installed as a second entrance to your lab.

“Steve, what’s going on? I noticed the hatch to your lab was opened, and-” His nose wrinkled. “-And what’s that smell?” He descended down the steps, past some giant ovens, and carefully treads over the empty bottles towards you.

“O-oh. I-Its just… It’s just-urp… uh, some squid meat I’ve been saving, Spike.”

“Squid?” Spike irks a bit. “Yuck. Dude, aren’t they like all slimey and smelly?”

“N-nah, man,” you say, shaking your head. “Not if you let a master chef like me cook it. Y-you want some?” You patted the table space next to you, beckoning the young drake over.

"I'm not so sure. Anyway, what are you even doing down; what's with those things I passed by the steps?" Spike asked, pointing out your several coke ovens.

"Oh, they're my-my uhhh... coke ovens. Newly built," you said nonchalantly as you fiddle with the squid. "Last week I found a small coal vein in the Everfree forest. These babies will make them a lot more efficient. Trust me, Spike. This will be way better than clearing Pony town's surrounding forests. I had the latch opened to air things out."

You patted the seat again. “Anyway, g-grab a seat, and have a drink! You-you gotta be tired from being Twilight’s personal bitch all week.”

“Ok, first of all, I like being Twilight’s assistant. And secondly, I’m still underage.”

“Age is just a number.” You take a swig from another bottle.

“Yeah. And jail is just a room.”

“Di-didn’t- urp- Twilight hatched you when she was a kid?”

“She was like 5 at the time.”

“Oh, come on Spike. A little bit won’t like-won’t hurt anyone-anypony?- Whatever. At least have some of this squid meat. I-I think it’s about… About done.” You brought the can stove and the grill closer to you, seeing the edge of the squid getting all golden and crispy.

“Ok, fine,” Spike grumbled, taking an extra stool next to you. “I’m kinda curious what squid tastes like.” He is perking up a bit.

“Great.” You check the state of the squid while taking two tiny beakers and feeling them up to the top measurement line. You then picked up the now crispy squid with tweezers and took off some of the tentacles with some blank scratch paper. The nice smokey smell of squid wafted around you two, making you and you think Spike salivate a little. You pass a beaker and the wrapped, smoky tentacle to Spike. “This. This is going to be so good. You’ll love it, Spike.”

“O-kay,” Spike replied hesitantly as he took the beaker and squid.

You grab you beaker, and spinning around your stool to face Spike, “Cheers-”

Tink

In the middle of your announcement, you had swung your arms in a showy manner, knocking down the stove in the process. The tin can rolled across the floor, spilling the hot gel inside.You may be drunk, but you swore you noticed the little fire grew bigger, spreading out on the floor. The hot gel must have lit something because both you and Spike just watched the flames grow along a path, leading down across the room… underneath your giant coke ovens.

“Well, it can’t be that…”

And next to said coke ovens were stacks of drums of creosote oil byproducts.

“Well. Shi-”

And that’s how you and Spike had to evacuate the building and seal off the property so no pony comes near. The explosion did a lot more damage than you initially thought. Not only is the foundation destroyed, creating cracks along the ground and the crystal walls of the Friendship Castle, a fire also broke loose and is burning everything inside, judging by the flames blazing through every window. The building looks like it's on the verge of collapsing like glass.

You look down at Spike, seeing him standing there mouth agape and shocked at the disaster. “Right, Spike. No worries, we’ll grab some supplies, patch this up, and then continue our little party before Twilight comes-”

“What. The. Buck.”

“Today is just not my day.”

You turn around with the most comforting smile you can muster. “Hey, Twilight. Uh.. Listen. You might not wanna go in there for, say, the next 24 hours. Fire still going on and there’s probably a chance of carbon monoxide poisoning on- woah!” You quickly ducked, dodging a laser beam.

Twilight stomps forward, horn charged and wings flared. Boy, you really pissed her off this time. "Listen, Twilight. I know this is not the best of times, but you should know that your magic won't..."

Twilight cuts you off again by trying to shoot another laser beam at you. Luckily, her magic just dispersed on contact.

"What the?" Twilight says, baffled. And in the next five minutes, you're pretty sure she exhausts all the spells she's ever learned on you to no avail.

"Sorry, Twi. Magic won't work on me."

"Just how? I was at least able to levitate you before." She huffs. "But no matter, this doesn't change the fact that you're going pay for what you've done here, Steve!”

“It-it was accident. L-look, I'm sure Sun-Butt will be happy to give you a new castle. Heck, you'll probably get a bigger castle anyways at the end of the season. Even I know how this works, and I've only been here for like three months."

“I can't just pester Celestia for new castle as if money just grows on trees,” she yells.

“Technically, this one did."

“You know what I meant, Steve.”

“Perhaps…”

“Arrrgghhhh! You know I can still mangle your unemployed flank with my earth pony strength,” she says, menacingly mashes her two hooves together. “Why is it that I can’t seem to use my magic on you, anymore?”

“Simple Twilight,” you reply, taking out a knitted doll out of your robes’ inner pocket. It’s a crudely made doll with large button eyes stitched onto the face and a couple of needles stuck into it. You stroke the little guy, looking down into its beady eyes. “It’s a little something I-I call the voodoo-protection poppet. A-As long as this thing is still intact, I-”

Your explanation is cut short when a purple laser shot the poppet out of your hands, disintegrating a portion of it in the process. You look back up at the now smug-looking princess. You feel her magical grip on you already lifting you towards her.

“Follow me, Steve,” Twilight says with a sweet, yet a cold voice. “I know a few things you can do to make up for destroying my home, my belongings, and my books.”