Simply Magic

by HermitBunny

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Minecraft, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Random, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Spike, Comedy
Length: 8164

Steve in Equestria.

Feeling sympathetic towards Steve, Twilight graciously offered him room and board when she first met the lost human.
Expecting him to get back on his feet, Twilight has only watched him bum around her castle for the first three months.
But after a drunken accident which completely sends Steve into a massive debt to the entire royal family, he is now under the whims to Princess Twilight.
Join Steve as he tries to find his fortune and end this financial nightmare.
Fun stories of Steve taking on different jobs, featuring different mods from the game Minecraft.

Published 2018-04-22 15:10:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-03 10:18:33 UTC

Prelude: The Coke Oven Catastrophe (Railcraft)

You were in your lab, underneath the Friendship Castle. Bottles lay, scattered across the floor. You have one unfinished bottle in front of you, almost empty of a suspiciously colored liquid.

It was your own alcohol you personally brewed down here in your lab. Unfortunately, Equestria lacked any form of alcohol other than hard cider and wine. These ponies mainly get tipsy off of salt water. So you took it upon yourself to make something stronger, and you’re loving every bit of it, cutting loose especially from Twilight constant nagging at you to get a job.

“Oh-oh, man. T-this is-urp-is going to be… going to be so good. I can already… I can already taste it.” You wipe some your lips with the sleeve of your magician’s robe. At the moment, you had in front of you a grill set up above a can stove, the flame the only source of light and currently cooking up some dried squid you secretly caught and hung dry.

It didn’t help your mood that these ponies don’t condone eating meat with the exception of some animal caretakers like your friend, Butterball, and the local veterinarian. For all their talk of friendship, they aren't all that understanding of other species. I need my protein, you xenophobic fucks!

Crash

You threw your unfinished bottle across the room, shattering it against the wall.

“Steve? Steve, you down, here?”

Spike? Good ol’ Spike. “Spike, h-hey, Spike, yeah-urp, down here, buddy,” you slurred, noticing him by the hatch in the lawn you installed as a second entrance to your lab.

“Steve, what’s going on? I noticed the hatch to your lab was opened, and-” His nose wrinkled. “-And what’s that smell?” He descended down the steps, past some giant ovens, and carefully treads over the empty bottles towards you.

“O-oh. I-Its just… It’s just-urp… uh, some squid meat I’ve been saving, Spike.”

“Squid?” Spike irks a bit. “Yuck. Dude, aren’t they like all slimey and smelly?”

“N-nah, man,” you say, shaking your head. “Not if you let a master chef like me cook it. Y-you want some?” You patted the table space next to you, beckoning the young drake over.

"I'm not so sure. Anyway, what are you even doing down; what's with those things I passed by the steps?" Spike asked, pointing out your several coke ovens.

"Oh, they're my-my uhhh... coke ovens. Newly built," you said nonchalantly as you fiddle with the squid. "Last week I found a small coal vein in the Everfree forest. These babies will make them a lot more efficient. Trust me, Spike. This will be way better than clearing Pony town's surrounding forests. I had the latch opened to air things out."

You patted the seat again. “Anyway, g-grab a seat, and have a drink! You-you gotta be tired from being Twilight’s personal bitch all week.”

“Ok, first of all, I like being Twilight’s assistant. And secondly, I’m still underage.”

“Age is just a number.” You take a swig from another bottle.

“Yeah. And jail is just a room.”

“Di-didn’t- urp- Twilight hatched you when she was a kid?”

“She was like 5 at the time.”

“Oh, come on Spike. A little bit won’t like-won’t hurt anyone-anypony?- Whatever. At least have some of this squid meat. I-I think it’s about… About done.” You brought the can stove and the grill closer to you, seeing the edge of the squid getting all golden and crispy.

“Ok, fine,” Spike grumbled, taking an extra stool next to you. “I’m kinda curious what squid tastes like.” He is perking up a bit.

“Great.” You check the state of the squid while taking two tiny beakers and feeling them up to the top measurement line. You then picked up the now crispy squid with tweezers and took off some of the tentacles with some blank scratch paper. The nice smokey smell of squid wafted around you two, making you and you think Spike salivate a little. You pass a beaker and the wrapped, smoky tentacle to Spike. “This. This is going to be so good. You’ll love it, Spike.”

“O-kay,” Spike replied hesitantly as he took the beaker and squid.

You grab you beaker, and spinning around your stool to face Spike, “Cheers-”

Tink

In the middle of your announcement, you had swung your arms in a showy manner, knocking down the stove in the process. The tin can rolled across the floor, spilling the hot gel inside.You may be drunk, but you swore you noticed the little fire grew bigger, spreading out on the floor. The hot gel must have lit something because both you and Spike just watched the flames grow along a path, leading down across the room… underneath your giant coke ovens.

“Well, it can’t be that…”

And next to said coke ovens were stacks of drums of creosote oil byproducts.

“Well. Shi-”

And that’s how you and Spike had to evacuate the building and seal off the property so no pony comes near. The explosion did a lot more damage than you initially thought. Not only is the foundation destroyed, creating cracks along the ground and the crystal walls of the Friendship Castle, a fire also broke loose and is burning everything inside, judging by the flames blazing through every window. The building looks like it's on the verge of collapsing like glass.

You look down at Spike, seeing him standing there mouth agape and shocked at the disaster. “Right, Spike. No worries, we’ll grab some supplies, patch this up, and then continue our little party before Twilight comes-”

“What. The. Buck.”

“Today is just not my day.”

You turn around with the most comforting smile you can muster. “Hey, Twilight. Uh.. Listen. You might not wanna go in there for, say, the next 24 hours. Fire still going on and there’s probably a chance of carbon monoxide poisoning on- woah!” You quickly ducked, dodging a laser beam.

Twilight stomps forward, horn charged and wings flared. Boy, you really pissed her off this time. "Listen, Twilight. I know this is not the best of times, but you should know that your magic won't..."

Twilight cuts you off again by trying to shoot another laser beam at you. Luckily, her magic just dispersed on contact.

"What the?" Twilight says, baffled. And in the next five minutes, you're pretty sure she exhausts all the spells she's ever learned on you to no avail.

"Sorry, Twi. Magic won't work on me."

"Just how? I was at least able to levitate you before." She huffs. "But no matter, this doesn't change the fact that you're going pay for what you've done here, Steve!”

“It-it was accident. L-look, I'm sure Sun-Butt will be happy to give you a new castle. Heck, you'll probably get a bigger castle anyways at the end of the season. Even I know how this works, and I've only been here for like three months."

“I can't just pester Celestia for new castle as if money just grows on trees,” she yells.

“Technically, this one did."

“You know what I meant, Steve.”

“Perhaps…”

“Arrrgghhhh! You know I can still mangle your unemployed flank with my earth pony strength,” she says, menacingly mashes her two hooves together. “Why is it that I can’t seem to use my magic on you, anymore?”

“Simple Twilight,” you reply, taking out a knitted doll out of your robes’ inner pocket. It’s a crudely made doll with large button eyes stitched onto the face and a couple of needles stuck into it. You stroke the little guy, looking down into its beady eyes. “It’s a little something I-I call the voodoo-protection poppet. A-As long as this thing is still intact, I-”

Your explanation is cut short when a purple laser shot the poppet out of your hands, disintegrating a portion of it in the process. You look back up at the now smug-looking princess. You feel her magical grip on you already lifting you towards her.

“Follow me, Steve,” Twilight says with a sweet, yet a cold voice. “I know a few things you can do to make up for destroying my home, my belongings, and my books.”

Interlude: Bath Salts (Thaumcraft)

“Spike, grab her!” you yell as you tackle Twilight, pinning her down. Spike, breaking out of his stupor, rushes forward and tackles Twilight as well. “And whatever you do, don’t let her use her horn!” You leave Spike to handle her while you rush back to your cabinets to grab some ingredients.

“Roger!” Spike, grunting, grapples her head with one arm while his other claw holds onto her horn, gaining leverage over her head and blocking her magic. Below him, Twilight struggles fruitlessly to pull herself out of his grasp and cast a spell again.

While Spike is keeping Sparklebutt in a headlock, you ran with an armful of jars to the cauldron at the center of the room. “Oh, man. This is bad, Spike,” you say as you start pouring equal portions of each liquid from their respective jar into the pot. “She-she read my journal of forbidden knowledge-” You take out your wand and screw on a fire-focus orb "-but it's fine, as long as she didn't read that far..."

"We will cast this forsaken world in eternal darkness!" Twilight yells as dark magic leaks out of the base of her horn.

"How fast can this horse read?!"

“Uggh… What’s happening to her, Steve?” Spike grunts, wrestling Twilight down every time she tries to swat him off.

“It’s something called the warp-effect, Spike; you-you start to hear voices inside your head; start seeing weird shit going on around you,” you answer. “Pretty self-explanatory, Spike. Reading this journal is equivalent to taking a psychedelic.”

“Woah,” Spike cries out, panicking when Twilight, instead, lifts Spike off the ground to shake him out of his headlock. In full banshee mode, Twilight screeches as she ran about the lab, ramming into walls and bookshelves in an attempt to shake Spike off her face. “Steve! Ow- Whatever it is- oof- you’re doing, hurray-ay!”

“Just don’t let go, Spike!"

“Get your bucking claws off me, you damn dirty lizard! Twilight yells.

Mane frayed and fur matted with sweat from her rampage, Twilight plops down onto her flank and chooses to wrestle his claws off of her instead.

“Twilight, please listen!” Spike pleads. “You gotta stop this. Snap out of it!”

"I'll have your head, lizard, in the name of our-oof!"

“Dammit, Spike!” you scold him while holding down the trashing pony’s rear legs. “That magic-of-friendship monologue is not gonna work here."

"Did you get it, Steve? The cure?"

“Got it in my coat pocket. Now, help me out here… hmph!” You lift the crazy mare by her legs a few inches off the ground once you got a solid grip on them and watch Spike stand up and adjust his headlock, despite Twilight failed attempts to shake both of you off. “We gotta get her upstairs to the bathroom, quick.”

Kicking open the bathroom door, you left Spike to deal with Twilight while you prepare the bath. “Don’t lose your grip this time, Spike.” Satisfied with the steaming, but comfortable water, you dump the cure into the rising water and start swirling the water with your hands, watching as bubbles formed on the surface. Satisfied, you grab Sparkle out of Spike’s headlock and dump her into the bath. “Alright, now, Spike. We-we gotta start scrubbing her. I’ll take the top; y-you take the bottom.”

“Alright, Steve, I’ll… wait, what?” Spike stops, letting Twilight flail her hind legs he’s holding onto.

“What are you standing there for, Spike? Consent? Come on, we gotta scrub this stuff into her fur if we wanna help her!” You grunt as you work the lather into her mane. You can feel that her struggle is weakening a bit, but just to be sure, you dunk her head under the water to rinse before scrubbing her again.

“Steve! Isn’t this… This is just a regular bubble bath!” Spike says indignantly, watching the foam and bubbles coming out of the water.

“Well, no duh, Spike. What does it look like to you?” You shot back.

“I don’t know. I thought the cure would be a potion; a pill? Something other than this!”

“Look, I know this may seem like a joke, but trust me on this, Spike,” you say with a reassuring smile. “Sometimes a nice bath can come a long way to help relax a stressed mind, Spike.” You had moved onto scrubbing Twilight’s shoulders, giving them a firm massage each time you emphasized a point.

Twilight, meanwhile, lets a tiny squeak from your ministration.

“See? It’s fine, Spike. The stuff I mixed into the water was a little something I call purifying bath salt; I’ll-I’ll bet you this-this will be the best bath our precious little princess here will ever have.” You pat Twilight on the head for good measure, noticing how tranquil she is at the moment, eyes closed and relaxing in a bath like any other day. “Now finish the job, Spike. Just scrub the lather into her fur.”

“Like this?” Spike asks, taking one leg now that Twilight’s calmed down and gently washing it.

“Be a little bit rougher. Yeah, that's it. And remember, Spike, you gotta really scrub it in. Everywhere,” you emphasize with the straightest face you can muster.

“Everywhere?”Spike repeats, pausing his ministration as a large blush appears.

“Yes, Spike. Sh-she uh... might go into relapse unless we-we make sure her entire body i-is… huh?” You notice the purple pony stirring.

“Wah… Where am I...?” Below you, Twilight is snapping out of her hallucination.

She sits up, her back to your side of the bathtub. "Steve? What's going on?” Twilight looks around the bathroom, while you just stare at her with a frown, remembering how she broke into your lab, snooped through your research notes, and started this whole mess.

“Just a little, relaxation therapy for little miss hard worker here, Twilight,” you answer with a now comforting smile. “Just sit back and enjoy this new “bath salt” I made. Works to really purify and relax deep down to your very soul."

“Well, this is quite relaxing.” Twilight slowly lays back and sifts through the bounty of bubbles in the bath. “And it does smells really nice. You gotta lend me some more next time.”

“You got it, Twi,” you say, giving her a thumbs up. “Anyway, I’ll-I’ll let Spike finish things here.” You leave for the door, but on the way, you place a hand on Spike’s shoulder and lean down close to his ear. “Remember: Everywhere.” You walk forward and out the door, stopping just out of view.

“Spike? You're really scrubbing hard into my fur- Ow!” You listen in with a smile. “Woah, hold on! I think I can do this myself… Ah! Spike, no! Ahhhh!”

“It’s for your own good, Twilight!”

You hear what ensues in the bathroom: water splashing everywhere, the intense scrubbing of a sponge on fur, and Twilight screams of panic. You walk away with a peaceful smile. That’ll teach her not to trespass into your lab again.

Job 1 (Witchery)

You slice through your hashbrowns, digging into your breakfast made by Spike as you try to at least enjoy the early morning with some food. For now, only the clinking of silverware and eating fill the dining room, while you, Spike, and Twilight sit side by side together at a table corner. You look over to your landlord, Princess Spurgleton, magic a carton of whole grains towards her with a particular smile on her muzzle. You watch as you shovel the crisp potatoes into your mouth as Twilight refill her milk bowl with the grains, humming a happy tune all the while. Yeah, you’re not a morning person, but, right now, your beauty sleep is the least of your concern.

Before that horrific incident that destroyed a royal, one-of-a-kind castle, before the chains of capitalism forever leashed you to the royal family, you had your own rules, your own choices, your own bedtime. You got up whenever you wanted; you slept whenever you felt like it. But just this morning, Spike literally set your bed on fire to force you out your slumber and ready for breakfast all because Twilight wanted to see you. And you have a feeling you know what she wants to say.

Please don’t say it; please don’t say it; please don’t say it.

“So, Steve.” Damn it. “Did you find a job yet?” She sets down the carton as she props her head above the bowl with her forehooves; The Gendo pose. You can hear the anticipation in her voice. You know she means well, being your benefactor and the princess of literally giving a shit about other people, but her asking you as a weekly routine is getting on your nerve.

“Look, Twilight,” you say you rub the sleep out of your eyes. “I’ve been looking but there’s nothing for me to do in this dinky little village.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow at that. On her left, a newspaper is levitated and brought over to you. “And why not? There’s plenty of jobs here, otherwise, you can just work some odd jobs around town to earn some bits.”

“And if you still can’t find work,” Spike adds, his mouth full of gems, “maybe you can try asking Twilight’s friends. They’re pretty nice ponies.”

“I’m not looking for odd jobs, Twilight, or favors, Spike,” pluck the newspaper out of the air and open it up to the job columns. Rather… the two help wanted panels.

A waiter and a tour guide (Spaneighish speaker preferred). Wow.

“I’m looking for, like, a fortune,” you emphasize, rubbing your thumb against your index finger. “Not some dead-end jobs. How's a human even supposed to get rich around here!?”

“Steve, please calm down,” Twilight interrupts. But you ignored her, burying your face in other articles and stuffing your face with the rest of breakfast.

“Yeah, dude. Chill.” Spike adds.

“Honestly, Steve,” Twilight continues, reaching over and pushing down the newspaper. She looks into your eyes and you can definitely hear her infamous friendship speech coming a from a mile away. “I did ask you to get a job so you can start paying me back for destroying my castle. And yes, my friends and family are still peeved about that incident, especially my older brother.

“But I mainly wanted you to, you know-” Twilight pats your back reassuringly. “-Explore around town, meet new ponies, get to know them through your job. Maybe even find work out of town if you have to.”

The patting stops. All of sudden her voice takes a different tone as she sets her hoof down. “And not be cooped up in your room all day.”

Yeesh, she really wants you out. You gulp down the food. “Well, you’re a princess,” you say, folding the newspaper and setting it down. “Can’t you just give me a job? I’m pretty sure a magical genius like me is capable of any job you throw at me.”

“Oh really?” Twilight replies with a rather cold and calculating stare. “As a matter of fact, I might have one job-”

“I’ll do it.” you stand up, pushing your chair out.

Twilight slams her hooves down. “Sit down!” And just like that, you do as you’re told. You watch carefully as Twilight takes a deep breath using her odd breathing technique. “I was gonna employ some of the solar guards, but I guess I can employ you instead since you do owe the royal family.”

“So what? Is this like some sort of suicide job?” you ask, a little apprehensive that this wasn’t even approved. But if Twilight can pay well, then by god you’re gonna do it.

“No, not exactly, Steve,” Twilight replies, taking up the Gendo pose again. “You see, we get monsters every so often-”

“You mean like every week, Twilight?” Spike rolls his eyes before chomping down on some gemstones.

“-Wandering! from the Everfree forest into Ponyville,” Twilight continues. “Causing mass panic and rather troublesome disruptions to the girls’ and my schedule. You know, from us having to deal with them.”

“So you want me to take care of those for you?”

“Hm… Not quite, Steve. You see, there are also some random ponies who wander into the Everfree forest for some reason, getting lost or putting themselves in danger.” She taps the crystal table for emphasis. “So here’s the deal. You just have to patrol the outskirts of the Everfree forest and keep a tab on the number of Everfree creatures wandering out and ponies wandering in and stop them. And remember, no killing!”

Simple enough. But here comes the important detail: “How much is the pay?”

“Well, this is more like guard duty,” Twilight says, rolling her eyes. “So, how a starting wage of 30 bits an hour?”

“Hmm, and how long do you need me to do this?”

“I don’t really have a clear idea for that,” Twilight says, rubbing her chin in thought. “This is more of an experimental phase, so I guess, for now, I’ll have you patrol the forest and maybe even put your skills to use, like, putting up fences around the perimeter, building a trail so ponies won’t easily get lost, that sort of thing. Until I feel it’s practical to hire some guards and move you to some other job.”

Twilight gives you her patented-princess smile, resting her cheek on a hoof. “So, what do you say? You can either go with these ‘dead-end job,’ or you can come work for me.”

You couldn’t help but glare at her for a bit and admit that she spread you open and read you like one of her Prench books.You wish you found a better analogy than that… Anyway, this job really is the lesser of the two boredoms, patrolling around the Everfree forest and not to mention having the opportunity to explore the deeper parts of the forest if you can. You found the forest to be the closest thing to home in this magical Equestrian world which prompted you to set up a camp there. Heck, you now have an excuse to sneak off and discover more things about the Everfree. You can gain a lot more riches than standing before a cash register and hoping for some bits in a tip jar.

“You got a deal, boss,” you say, keeping a neutral look.

“Glad to have you onboard, Steve.” Twilight holds out a hoof which you promptly shook. “You can get started right away and explore the area if you want. I’ll handle all the logistics and paperwork with the mayor.”

“Whatever you say, Twi.” With that, you got out of your chair, leaving behind your empty plate, to head down to your lab. Along the way, you were alone with your thoughts, formulating the weeks to come, how exactly to go about this. It wasn’t until you were halfway to your lab you were snapped out of your thoughts by the pitter-patter of something two-legged coming closer to you. You keep walking through, only looking behind you to see Spike coming up beside you. “What’s up, Spike?”

“Nothing really. Just following you to your lab. Twilight wanted me to keep an eye on you so you don’t do anything you’ll regret again,” Spike says, slowing down to a brisk pace to keep up with you.

Approaching the doorway that leads downstairs to the basement, you walked up ahead. Opening the door inward, you allow Spike to enter first before descending into the basement of the castle. Inside, you have a very sparse setup, consisting of black-topped lab desks forming a semi-circle at the center of the large crystal-themed chamber you dug out. On top of those desks are several newer lab apparatus you got for convenience along with repeating rows of shelves. Many storage cabinets stand row by row hug a wall of the room, some being glass-framed to display the myriad of ingredients from Equestria or from your own manufacture. On the opposite side of the room is a large hatch, operate by gears and chains, opening up to Twilight’s own backyard. You usually opened it whenever you needed to air out the place just until you can get a ventilation system up and running.

However, your eyes travel down to a particular spot below the hatch, where the coke ovens blew up. The floor had to be replaced along with pretty much everything else in the castle when your experiment blew up. Twilight’s family and her friends helped her cope and build a new castle, funded by big white horse herself and supplied by the Crystal Empire. Meanwhile, you had to re-furnish your basement at your own expense as well a search and restock your ingredients by yourself, yet there’s still months of tangible progress to make up for. It was a stressful time for everyone. But mainly for you, you think…

Your stare lingers on that one spot you particularly waxed and shined more than any other spot on the crystal floor. You mentally shake yourself out of it.

“Well, I half-expected Twilight to do that,” you say as you open up one of the non-glass cabinets and a gust of cold air washed over you. You grab a rucksack from there and move on to other cabinets, accumulating a steady pile in your arms. “I mean: I wouldn’t really trust anyone either if they blew up my house.”

“Well, I wouldn’t really says she doesn’t trust you.” Spike lifts himself onto one of the wooden stools by the lab desks, while you listen to him drone on. “She gave you this job and she’s letting you go about this however you want.” He gives your arm a light elbow shove when you came up to the desk to set down your stuff. “I say she believes in the best of you.”

You give a grunt in response though, not wanting to admit it. She did keep you around even after the incident. Anyway, no time to get distracted because you got a job to do and you have an idea of how to go about this. From a drawer, you take different colored chalks from their respective cases and begin writing on the desk.

“Sooo…” Spike leans towards you as you finish a few runes. “What’s this big idea of yours?” Quickly, you start to form concentric circles with your writing, starting from a gold-colored rune in the middle.

“I have something in mind that’ll help with that patrol job-” You’re on the last, outer circle now “-If this works, let’s just say I’ll be able to keep the majority of those mythical beasts under control while I do more important things.” And with the last rune written in, you complete the magic circle, just big enough to encircle your hand.

“Umm… You do know that using magic to solve your problems hasn’t worked out for anypony here, right?”

“You mean, the same ponies with sociopathic or neurotic tendencies hoping for an easy way to bypass their own insecurities?” You deadpan, dropping the chalks and walking over with the rucksack and the other ingredients to a small black cauldron sitting atop a magical stove over by Spike.

“Ok. I won’t deny that but I think you’re missing the point…”

“And the point is, Spike-” You ignite the furnace, full blast, with your fire-focused wand and proceed to dump the contents of your arms into the cauldron minus what’s in the sack- “is to help me do my job. You know: the one Twilight has always been nagging me to get; Not to solve my insecurities.” You reach into the sack and pull out a bloody heart, a bit larger than a size of a baseball.

“Dude! What in the name of Celestia is that?!” Spike yells, almost vomiting from the sight and smell.

“It’s a demon heart, Spike. Got it for a fair price from a demon merchant just a few days ago; It’s still pretty fresh.” You reply, giving the heart a squishy squeeze.

“Where’d you even get the bits to buy it?” Spike held onto his nose while asking, trying to block out the understandably foreign scent. You drop the heart into the cauldron and start stirring it as the pot boils.

“I dug up a few gold ore veins out in the Everfree forest, which was practically a free real estate ‘cuz ponies avoid it so much. Hehe. It’s no wonder you guys make your currency out of solid gold, that stuff is everywhere. So I traded him a few gold bars for this heart. Demons love gold.”

“You traded weeks worth of bits for that?!! Are you crazy?!” Spike yells, standing up on his stool and grabbing you by the collar.

“Listen here, Spike.” You stop stirring to pull him off you. “Back on my planet, we believed in something called the ‘long-con,’ ok, Spike? This is an investment. A-a couple measly bars of gold isn’t going to make a dent on my debt, Spike. Not-not to mention it-it’s illegal to counterfeit currency so those gold bars are as good as pieces of paper in this world, Spike.” You set him back down on the stool and went back to stirring, the watering substance bubbling and turning a nice dark red color.

“So I traded them for something better. Trust me, Spike. A-and a perfect opportunity to use the heart just fell right onto my lap. And it’s time to reap the reward.” You turn off the stove and scoop up the cauldron’s contents with an empty jar. “Alright, Spike. For the next part, you usually need another hand.”

“So you need my help with this?” Spike hops onto the desk, in front of the magic circle.

“No, I meant, literally, you need an actual hand. Preferably one from a witch.”

Spike retches at that. “Dude, that’s gross.”

“Don’t worry. Since I don’t have another hand, I’ll just use mine.” You point to your ol’ lefty.

“Steve, you sure this is such a good idea?”

“Spike, come on. I’m a genius magician. I’ve done this like a million times.” But in all honesty, this is the first time trying this on your own hand. And you’re substituting some of your world’s ingredients with the Equestrian’s. But it should have the same effect. Yup… “Now I just pour this onto my hand and…” The liquid seeps into the ink, causing the runes to glow and magic tendrils to circle your hand. “See, Spike. Perfectly normal. Told you nothing’s gonna-”

Fwooshu!

The room lights up as the fires of hell burst from the spinning magic circle, enveloping your hand in flames. Spike looks on besides you, taken back by the sudden fire but unhurt probably because of his dragon hide. But the pain. You can handle it. You have to. You don’t wanna see Spike’s smug face when he says, ‘I told you so.’ Hold it in; just hold it in…”

“Um… Steve, you-”

“AhhHHHhHHHh!!!” You couldn’t hold it in.

On the way to the Everfree Forest…

“Spike, honestly, I'm fine. The ritual worked as intended.” You meant it. You already feel the familiar power coursing through you after getting over the fiery pain of hell. Over the creek. You hop over it and Spike follows.

“Are you sure you’re sure?” Spike pleads again. He's been walking beside you, observing your left hand at different angles. “I'm stuck in a loop, Steve! I'm caught in the same loop. The girls do the same thing. They suggest something stupid, I warn them, and they go and do it anyway on a weekly basis. Please tell me your hand isn't going out of control.”

“It won't go out of control, Spike.” Past the cottage with the petting zoo. “If it makes you feel better, this thing isn’t permanent. It’ll go away as soon as I use up all the magic that came with it.”

“And how much do you have?” Spike asks as the two of you hop over a fence.

“Not really sure,” Into the Everfree. “My plan is to keep bewitching every hostile mob of the Everfree until I just run out. Pretty straightforward, right?”

“I guess...but you better swear to Celestia this won’t blow up in your face again!”

“I swear… again. Now, quiet down, Spike. We’re here.” You brush a hanging canopy aside and enter a small clearing in the forest, your small hideout. “We’ll start here, circle around the Everfree, take care of the animals, and then be back home before dinner.”

“Sound’s good, but out of curiosity, what is this place, Steve?” Spike asks, approaching a major hole almost as big as his room, taking up half of the clearing. “Is this a mining hole?!” He edges over the edge, looking at the carved steps leading down towards a dimly lit bottom.

“Yep. The Everfree forest is pretty much where I’ve been getting most of my stuff. It’s a good thing Sunbutt doesn’t really bother with this place,” you say with some pride as you dust off the top of a workbench. “Now, focus. Let’s pick a direction and get to work.”

“Ok. Uh… how about we go in that direction?” Spike answers, pointing in the general direction deeper into the forest. “There’s a friend living in the middle of the Everfree. She’s sort of this alchemist/doctor. I think this all thing will work out better if we keep close to her home if anything does happen.”

“If you say so, Spike.” Prepared, the two of you set out deeper into the Everfree forest. Off the trail, Spike stays close beside you keeping a wary eye out for any ambushes from the predators you are searching for while you did everything you could to make noise, from snapping branches to rustling every bush you come across, hoping to attract something. The boredom comes quickly, though, as you find nothing but the distance chirping of the local birds.

“So these friends of yours, Shy-pony, Apple-pony, Fashion-pony, Pinky, and Rainbow not only entered the dangerous Everfree forest but beat your precious, all-mighty princess of the night?” Time passes by and still nothing, so you’ve chatting it up with Spike about his daily life to try and pass the time. The canopy above had gotten thicker and the wild plants below got wilder as your surroundings got more ominous. Occasionally flapping of some birds or the chirping of some bugs are the only sound you hear. “Yeah, you should have seen it, Steve. As soon as Twilight figured out how to get the Elements of Harmony, she and friends powered and blasted Nightmare Moon away.”

“So, now, they’re basically the heroes of this country, right?” you ask, remembering what you’ve read from the news and Twilight's library.

“Yep, pretty cool, right?”

“Actually, I find it concerning that the only competent ponies in Equestria were these six random civilians who just happen to be really chill with each other.”

“Ouch, dude. Look, things might have turned out like that if you boil it down, but still, you didn’t have to insult the entire Equestrian guards and the princesses like that. I bet you can’t even stand up to them even with your magic.”

And just like that, you feel your pride being strained. “Listen, you little shit. If it wasn’t for-”

“Wait, Steve. Something's not right here,” Spike whispers, obviously spooked by the change of scenery. You look around, not noticing anything but… the sudden stillness in the air. “Maybe we should just stop… and go home, you know… like now, please?” He’s shuddering now and you can see his fins standing on end.

“What? No way. I’m not leaving until we finish this job, Spike. Besides, with all this dense brush, there’s gotta be something hiding and waiting for an ambush.”

Snap

And right on cue, a hulking lion appears in the corner of your vision. With its bat wings flared, scorpion stinger primed, and claws already out, the manticore definitely took you by surprise. Damn it, Spike, distracting you from noticing.

“Oh, shi-” you bring your left arm up, about to blast it, but it hits you first, swiping you onto the ground. It pounces on top of you, trying to chomp down on your neck for the quick kill, but you manage to hold up its enormous weight pressing onto you and deflect the swipes and bites. Though your clothes aren’t holding up well as the manticore’s claws tear through your robes and then your skin.

“Oh gosh, Steve!” Spike calls out. He’s a few steps away from the fight but soon seems to steel himself. “Get off of him you overgrown furball!” he inhales deeply and lets out his green-fire breath. The flames hit the top of the manticore’s mane, singing the hair and frightening it long it enough for you to intervene.

“Alakazam!” you shout a quick chant. A white flash blinds the manticore, like the flash on a camera, and immediately the manticore stops mid-bite.

“Huff…” you take a quick breather. “Get off me.” The manticore complies and steps away, assuming a stiff sitting position beside you. You sit up afterward, wiping the sweat with what’s left of your sleeves. “Well, that happened.”

“Oh sweet Celestia, Steve. Are you okay?” Spike runs up beside you. “And, is it safe, now?” He looks on at the manticore, ready in case it pounces again. You rip off the torn-up sleeves of your robes.

“Yeah, I’m fine. But more importantly, we should get through as many animals as we can before sundown. Just finding this guy took longer than I thought. At least we know that this thing works. Watch this.” You stand up on your feet. “Manticore, stand up.”

Said manticore complies, rising to all fours. “Alright, Spike. Here’s phase two of my plan. Manticore, have a look around this place and chase the likes of cockatrices and timberwolves to me.” With that, the manticore dashes off, disappearing into the dense brush. “As we get more animals, we’ll start putting them to use and basically let me spread my magic like it’s the plague.”

“Creepy analogy there, dude, but still that was so cool. You think you can do that to any creature in Equestria?” Spike asks, starry-eyed after witnessing something akin to superpowers from his comic books.

“Hell, yeah I can. Now, let's get to hunting, Spike!”

“And that’s another down,” I say as you finish with this orange, feisty little hedgehog thing. The thing came in a pack and you got stung a couple times from their prickly fur they fired at you. But one by one, you eventually got them all. “Ok, Spike, onto the next one.”

“Ummm, Steve. Don’t you think we should call it a day?” Spike points behind you at your own animal kingdom, waiting at your beck and call. In the end, you and Spike collected all kinds of wildlife in the Everfree. It’s later in the evening and you caught most of the predators in the forest near town and even caught some of the feistier herds of prey you met along the way. Strange as how you just noticed that now.

“Nah. We can do a bit more, Spike. I’m not leaving until I can be sure I got enough animals to simulate a functioning ecosystem without the next Darwin’s award nominee breaking into it.”

“Darwin who?”

“Nevermind.” At the moment, the two of you along with your merry circus band stepped out into a clearing with some ruins close by.

“Dude, I think this is enough for your plan,” Spike pleads. “The Castle of the Two Sisters is a bit far for anypony to reach without one of your new friends scaring them off. And more importantly, …” Spike points at your hand. “Is that suppose to happen?”

You raise up your hand to take a look and- “Whoa. This is new? Your hand is definitely looking more gnarly now, turning a shade of red with claws and spikes jutting out. It’s turning real demonic. “It’ll probably fix itself as soon as I run out of juice.”

“And when exactly will that happen, Steve?” Spike asks with a bit more assertion. “You’ve been casting the same spell all day. You’ve gotta be running out after casting such a powerful spell so many times.”

“Soon. Maybe. Dunno. Hey, speaking of the two sisters, you remember when you asked if my spell works on anyone?” You ask, inspecting the sturdy bricks on one wall of the old castle.

“Yes…” Spike answers hesitantly.

“Well, why not try it on those princesses of yours?” You admit the curiosity is driving you crazy as well. Can this really affect the mind of their literal gods?

“Steve, I didn't mean to imply trying it on ponies, especially not the princesses. You already got a bad rep with them, so don't make it worse.”

You turn back to look at Spike. “Oh, come on, Spike. It's just a harmless test. I'll release them afterward, maybe. Whatever. But hey, why stop there? You can try it on griffons, minotaurs, dragons, all sorts of mythical creatures in this world. My powers will run out anyway.” Maybe. Right now, you’re more concerned about reaching Canterlot to get to Celestia. Or perhaps you can brainwash a few ponies here and make her come down here. Stepping forward, Spike snaps you out of your thoughts, though.

“Steve, you’re acting weird. Are you alright?” Spike steps back a bit in caution. “Is it that hand doing it? I thought you said nothing was going to go wrong!”

“And nothing’s gone wrong, Spike,” you reassure him. “This is just a little test to sate our curiosity. I am still in complete control.” A sudden idea clicked in your head. It was despicable, yet tempting, like a voice urging you on, going a mile-a-minute, listing reason to just do it. And you listened. “In fact, Spike. Why don’t we also try it on Twilight and her friends so you can get yourself a vacation? Just for one day, a day where you can just relax, eat all the ice-cream and gems you want and read all the comic books you have without Twilight butting in. Maybe you can even be the one to boss Twilight around a bit, too, and make her the assistant instead.” You reach out your left hand for a handshake. “Deal?” Woah, is it you or did your voice get real low there?

His reaction is the opposite of what you wanted. Instead, he just steps back, clearly terrified of you. “Steve, there’s something definitely wrong with you right now. We need to tell Twilight. Maybe she can find out how to get rid of that thing.”

“Spike. Come on, I just told you I’m fine, and this thing will get rid of itself. So are you in or out?” For some reason, you are really getting agitated with him, more so than usual. But you can’t let him spill the beans, especially since you know Twilight will stop you from continuing your research with the demon hand.

“Then so be it, Spike.” You walk towards him and Spike backs away more.

“Steve, come on. You know you can’t do this, right? You are going to get in so much trouble if anything happens to me.” Spike hits a dead end, his back against a manticore's arm who kept looking on minding its own business until its next order.

“I’m pretty sure I can, Spike. In fact, let’s try this little hypothesis: Does demon magic affect dragons, and can I make it lie through its teeth for me so I can continue this experiment undisturbed?” Woah, this is getting a little too dark here. But you’ve gone so far. Yeah, you got this far, so why stop now? He’ll be released when the magic runs out, you’ll apologize, and you can all have a good laugh about this later. For now, you kneel in front of Spike, raising your left arm. He’s sweating already with the most terrified expression you’ve seen on him.

The chant comes but dies in your throat when you see those terrified, green eyes steel themselves. You only had a moment to backpedal away when Spike unleashed his dragon breath on you, enveloping your entire body. Oh god, not the pain, not again!

“aaAAHH-oof!” You belly flop right onto a lavish carpet of the castle’s library; right before Twilight herself, who was reading comfortably on her high back chair. That is until you interrupt her, causing her to sit up surprised by your entrance.

“Steve! What in Equestria are you doing here? And was that Spike’s messenger fire?!”

You get up with a groan. You think your ribs are bruised. “Ugh… Nothing, nothing at all, Twilight.”

“Oh? Then what’s that?” Her voice does a one-eighty from shocked and concerned to cold and calculating. She’s staring right at your deformed hand. “And why does it have dark magic all over it?”

You audibly gulp. “Look, Twilight. I can explain-” You blink to try and clear up your vision a bit but you swear you saw a faint shadow behind Twilight, taking shape and slithering just above Twilight’s outline almost tantalizingly.

“Oh, I see,” Twilight says, bringing out an innocent smile. “So I assume you were just doing that job your own way.” You can hardly pay attention as you look back between her and the shadow. Do it. One sweat drop forms. DeW iT. Another slides down your cheek. “So I’m guessing you liked to be paid now?”

… Huh?

Twilight opens up a small purple portal, the surface looking down on what appears to be a bags full of what you assume to be sweet, sweet moola. “Go ahead. Take one, payment as promised, right?” You look towards Twilight, the shadow still active behind her, baiting you more urgently than before. You look towards the portal. All that gold. The temptation. The gold. The power, but the gold.

“Payday, bitches! Woooo!” You reach with both arms to grab one, almost jumping into the portal. That is until Twilight brought the portal forward, slipping it onto your left hand and promptly closing it. And promptly taking your arm with it.

“Oh, jeez. Oh, for ffffuuuccckkk sakes!” you grit your teeth, gripping your mutilated arm, as you writhe all over the floor. It took a while for you to get over it enough to communicate again. “Huff. Pretty clean cut, Twilight,” you quip with a smirk, hugging yourself. Your arm still hurts like hell, but at least the voices and the hallucinations are gone. Today’s just not been your day.

“Thank you. I’ll dispose of that arm later. But first, where’s Spike? He was the one who’s supposed to be making sure you didn’t pull this kind of stunt in the first place.”

You sit up, trying to ignore the pain. Your stomach gurgles, making you wish for some food. “He’s at the Castle of the Two Sister. I-” Poof. She's gone. Poof. Oh wait, she’s back again with Spike attached to one of her legs. He hops off of Twilight to dust himself off while sneaking suspicious glances at you.

“So, I’m guessing you’re back to normal now?”

“More or less, yep. Look, Spike. Sorry about earlier, alright?” You do feel bad honestly, not only fucking up your own creation but almost scarring Spike. Oh and that bag of gold bars has gone to waste too. Dammit.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever. Just glad you’re ok now, dude.” Huh… And even after that, the little guy still forgives you. You could just hug him right now.

“Ahem.” But first… Twilight Time. “So, can I assume that you didn’t cause any permanent damage while you were out there supervising the Everfree?”

“No worries, Twi. The remaining magic should be gone when you destroy that hand,” you answer, rubbing the back of your head.

“Actually,” Spike adds. “I think it’s already gone. The animals you’ve caught all came back to their senses and ran off back into the Everfree.” Well, that takes care of that then.

“And that’s that, Twi,” you say. “Everything is back to normal now.”

“Mhm. And I assume that you got nothing else done,” Twilight says with a raised eyebrow.

“... No.”

“You’re fired, Steve,” Twilight states before magicking her book away. “Maybe try doing some honest work for once, Steve. You know, without cheating with magic. walking out of the library. So… that’s that. Fired on the first day of your first job. Today’s got to be the worst-!

“Heh, told you so, Steve.”

Ok… Now it’s the worst day ever.

Job 1: Failed.

Debt: Unchanged.