Feeling a blisteringly cold breeze blow across her as she attempted to sleep, Starlight shivered. Somewhat annoyed at being aroused from her slumber by this, she figured in her groggy, just-awoken state that the blanket must have fallen off her bed and attempted to use magic to bring it back to her.
To her surprise though, nothing happened. Normally when casting magic she’d be able to feel it. Now though, there was nothing.
The more she thought about it, her magic not working was only one of the strange occurrences here. Another was the fact that she didn’t feel like she was in her bed whatsoever. Instead, due to how she appeared to be moving and bumping up and down, she concluded she was actually being carried. The last was that she was unable to actually move her limbs, as they appeared to have been tied together by cold, metal cuffs; beams of some kind of crackling, red energy holding them together as opposed to chains.
With that realization, Starlight’s eyes shot open, revealing to her that she was actually outside in a nearly pitch black open field. From what Starlight could tell from what little light she had at this time of night, there was not a single building in sight. Looking around, she managed to see just what was carrying her as well. Currently lifting her above their heads were small, pink, koala-bear-like creatures wearing some kind of black, skin-tight suits, all with flickering lights of multiple colors on them. Covering said suits was more complex technology in similar fashion to her cuffs that Starlight couldn’t recognize, including metal collars strapped tightly around their necks. She tried to use her magic to teleport away, but like last time, to no avail. The creatures must have put some kind of magic inhibiting device on her horn while she was out.
“H-Hey, what are you doing?!? Put me down!” Starlight shouted at them.
In response to this, one of the koala-like creatures held a small red button on its collar down and opened its mouth wide. “Silence, Starlight Glimmer,” It spoke in a voice that didn’t even sound real, all without moving its mouth from its wide-open position. There was no feeling to its voice at all, it sounded as if it were coming from a machine rather than a living being. That, combined with its clearly alien appearance gave off a sort of uncanny valley effect, and it gave Starlight chills. Not to mention they somehow knew her name.
Despite her newfound fear though, Starlight wouldn’t budge. “I’m not going to be quiet! Where are you taking me?!” she shouted again, still demanding an explanation.
Still holding down the button and keeping its mouth open, the creature spoke again. “We were informed by our superior to bring Starlight Glimmer to our craft. You are identified as Starlight Glimmer, therefore-“
“OKAY BUT WHY?!” Starlight yelled again, losing patience.
“I am in the middle of speaking,” it said. It might have been annoyed at her interruption but honestly Starlight couldn’t tell due to its lack of tone or facial expressions. “We follow the orders of Lady Catrina without question. Lady Catrina has only informed us to bring Starlight Glimmer to her,”
Even with the creature’s response, Starlight still had so many questions about this scenario. “So…you’re minions of this ‘Catrina’ then. Do I get to meet her? Because I’ve got quite a few choice words for her and not all of them are nice!”
“Affirmative,” it said as they stopped at a seemingly random spot in the field. It didn’t look any different than the rest of it, so Starlight wondered what the holdup was.
“Wait, why did we stop?” she asked.
“We have arrived at our destination,” the creature said ominously. It raised its claw and started to press a few flashing buttons on its suit’s wrist, all of them making a shrill buzzing sound afterward. “Uncloak,” it spoke into its wrist. As the creature said that, a bright, red light shined down on all of them from up above, causing Starlight to squint her eyes. In addition to that, there was also a loud buzzing sound coming from it, sounding kind of like a train whistle. Once her eyes adjusted to the light, she managed to make out just what was floating above the clouds.
The only thing Starlight had to compare the massive, airborne vehicle above them to was the zeppelins that often took off from Canterlot. The main difference here was there was no balloon keeping said vehicle in the sky, and it was in the shape of a crescent. At the tip of the arch of said crescent-shaped ship was an enormous window, glowing with an almost alien-like tinge of blue, causing the silhouettes of those operating the ship to cast dark, imposing shadows. All of them appeared to be the same species of creature as Starlight’s captors if their sizes were anything to go by; all except one who stood much taller and again judging by their size, much more menacing than all the others. The figure was very broad-shouldered and had spikes sticking out from said shoulders and the sides of its head, accompanied by a pair of glowing, soulless yellow eyes staring down at them. If Starlight had to guess, this was most likely Catrina wearing some kind of armor.
The bottom of the ship opened up and out of it dropped a heavy metal ramp that led into it with a loud, metallic thud. Taking that as their cue, the creatures all scurried their way into the ship with Starlight in tow. The ship’s interior made Starlight’s skin crawl just as much as the little monsters’ ability to speak without moving their lips. Inside there were more of them silently slaving away at several machines, almost like they were in a trance. Others she saw were busy trying to put together some kind of weapon only for it to fall apart and for them to passive aggressively stare at each other. Not helping the very empty atmosphere was that most of the ship was dark grey and barely lit.
Eventually they made their way to the cockpit, where all the creatures running the ship were housed, along with Catrina staring out the window with her back to them. Now being able to get a better look at Catrina, Starlight could see her armor was mostly black in the torso with her gauntlets, shoulders, horns, and boots being yellow. The armor also looked incredibly heavy and made her look almost eight feet in height; Starlight assumed it gave her enhanced strength as well. The one thing Starlight hadn’t noticed before was that in addition to everything else, was that the armor also included a dark grey cape.
“Lady Catrina, we have brought the pony that you requested,” the lead creature said to her. With that, Catrina turned her head slightly towards them, showing off those glowing eyes again, along with her helmet that covered her entire face.
Catrina’s emotions were impossible to read to Starlight, she didn’t even hear any breathing coming from her. Her powerful physique and lifeless, mechanical eyes from the suit gave her chills and she swallowed a little, awaiting to hear just what she wanted with her.
“Good, you’re actually useful for something after all,” a muffled voice said from inside the armor. From what Starlight could make out, it sounded incredibly girly and almost prepubescent.
And with that, any trace of fear was completely gone from Starlight, and she almost couldn’t suppress her laughter.
The pink creatures all looked at each other in silence for a moment before the lead faced Catrina again. “Lady Catrina, your voice modifier has failed again,”
With that revelation, Catrina’s powerful stance broke and she looked more confused than anything else. “Wha-are you kidding me?! Ugh always at the worst possible times!” she yelled, her voice cracking a little and throwing up her hands. Catrina started to smack the side of her helmet, causing her glowing yellow eyes to flicker on and off a few times. Eventually, what sounded like a loud motor went off in her armor and she triumphantly puffed out her chest. “Hahahaah! There we go! Now surely you must be gripped with fear!” Catrina said, now her voice sounding deep, intimidating, and unnatural.
Unfortunately, the damage had already been done, and Starlight let out a loud laugh that echoed throughout the ship. “PFFFHAAHAHAHA O-Oh you poor thing, I’m so sorry I just…HAHAAHA”
Catrina clenched her fists in frustration and stomped her foot on the ground. “Okay you know what, screw you! You would’ve peed yourself if it was working the first time!” She yelled, deciding to just take off the helmet and slam it down on a nearby console with a loud clang. Behind the helmet was the face of a teenage, anthropomorphic cat, much like the one Twilight told Starlight about from her and her friends’ quest to stop the Storm King. From the looks of the scowl on her face, she was not happy about the current situation. “Are you finished?” she growled, baring her teeth.
After several more seconds, Starlight ran out of breath and she managed to calm down. “Ye…Yeah, I’m good,” she said in between breaths. “Sorry, you’re just not what I was expecting,”
Catrina looked away from Starlight and crossed her arms. “Mmph, whatever. Whether you’re afraid of me or not doesn’t matter,”
“Obviously it matters to you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be pouting right now,” Starlight retorted.
“I AM NOT POUTING!” Catrina hissed loudly, looming over Starlight and having her claws out. From the looks of things, she appeared to be ready to tear out Starlight’s throat at any moment. “HOW DARE YOU INSULT A WOMAN IN HER OWN SHIP LIKE THIS YOU SMUG LITTLE-”
Starlight rolled her eyes a little bit. “I think calling yourself a ‘woman’ is just a bit of a stretch. Heck, how old are you even?”
Freezing up at the sound of Starlight’s comeback, Catrina looked almost too shocked to speak. “A…A-Ah…” she stumbled over her words for a few moments before trying to compose herself, lowering her claws. “You are so, SO lucky I need you alive,”
“Yeaaaah about that, why the kidnapping? I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say revenge plot is out since we’ve never met. You want my magic or something, is that it?” Starlight asked almost condescendingly.
Catrina pinched the bridge of her nose with her claws, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. “No. To be honest knowing what you’re like now, if you weren’t so crucial to my plan I would want nothing to do with you. No, you’re only here as bait for a much bigger fish,” Catrina said, suddenly licking her lips a little at the word ‘fish’.
Starlight pondered this for a moment. She was being used to lure someone else in. And the only one she could think of that would care enough to come after her that could qualify as a ‘bigger fish’ would be…
“Oooh yep, you’re after Twilight huh? Should’ve figured” Starlight said after she finished connecting the dots.
“Congratulations, you can put two and two together,” Catrina said, looking sour while sarcastically clapping her armored paws together. “Commander Furface, repeat the message sent to Princess Twilight Sparkle to our guest would you?” she ordered the leader of the pink creatures.
Starlight could feel another laugh coming on “F-Furface?” she managed to say through her giggles.
Furface opened his mouth and the same, robotic and empty voice came out of him. “It was my father’s name, do not laugh,”
“S-Sorry, go on,” Starlight said, keeping her giggles down.
“Cough, cough” Furface said in what Starlight assumed was him trying to imitate what the clearing of one’s throat sounded like. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, I have taken your student. If you ever wish to see her again, come to the field behind the mountain that holds the city of Canterlot. My ship is parked there. You will know it when you see it. Come alone, or else. Sincerely, Catrina; space overlord.”
Catrina, appearing to be proud of herself, rubbed her knuckles on her armor’s chestplate. “Pretty convincing if I do say so myself. I don’t see how she could possibly refuse tha-“
“P.S. Huge fan, really can’t wait to meet you,” Furface interrupted, finishing the message. That last line earned him a hard smack to the back of his head from Catrina, causing his entire body to rattle. “Ouch,”
“YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS A JOKE, I TOLD YOU TO EXCLUDE THAT!” Catrina shouted, her face having turned a bright shade of red.
“Hold on, did he just say…fan?” Starlight asked looking really confused.
Catrina let out a deep groan and slapped her paw to her face. “This is what I get for assuming cybernetic aliens understand the concept of ‘just kidding’ when writing threatening notes,” she grumbled, not addressing her question.
“Well now that that cat’s out of the bag…” Starlight said, sitting on the cold, metallic floor, causing her a bit of discomfort on her flank. “Explain yourself,”
Lowering her paw, Catrina gave the unicorn sitting below her a sharp glare, almost looking offended. “First of all, I’m surprised you had the nerve to say something so horribly racist to my face,” she said. “Second, unfortunately I didn’t do a very good job of hiding it so…yes, I am a fan of Princess Twilight,”
Somewhat baffled by that first portion, Starlight only shook her head. “Uuh huh…did you seriously set this whole thing up just to meet her? You know there’s so many easier ways to do that,”
“Oh no no no, what I want is something much greater than that,” Catrina said, a huge, sharp-toothed smile growing across her face. “Princess Twilight is just…nnnn Twilight is just really cool! Did you SEE that fight she had with Tirek? I could see that thing from space there was so much power being thrown around! It was all, PHEW, BOOM, KA-POW, BHEEEEEW!” She shouted, waving her arms in motions meant to mimic explosions. “How could I NOT be a fan after bearing witness to that insanity? Once I saw that, I just knew, as an up and coming villain myself, I had to get the chance to fight her! Any villain worth their salt should jump at the chance to try and test their might against a heroine as cool as that!”
Starlight sat there, watching and listening to Catrina in silence and trying to wrap her head around Catrina’s mindset. Starlight knew all about that fight Twilight had with Tirek. In the end she only beat him through the magic of friendship, not just raw power. There was no doubt that Catrina was a fan of her, sure. But it looked like she only cared about Twilight’s power, nothing more. It sounded very surface-level and almost shallow.
“So, let me see if I got this. You’re a huge fangirl of Twilight, wanted to get the chance to fight her to prove yourself as a legitimate villain, and are using me to bait her into said fight?”
Catrina nodded, eyes still sparkling a bit from her glowing admiration of Twilight. “That’s the idea, yep,”
Taking a deep breath, Starlight readied herself for what she was about to say next. Catrina sure wasn’t going to like it. “Oh sweet summer child, I really hate to break your heart, but you are setting yourself up for disappointment,”
Catrina dropped her ecstatic expression at that, and frowned a little. “What are you talking about? You think I’ll lose, don’t you? Heh, well good thing I don’t really care. Just having the chance is enough for me. It’s a once in a lifetime experience,” she replied, perking herself back up.
Starlight shook her head. “No, I mean that Twilight is not going to want to fight you,”
“Well why do you think you’re here, doofus?” Catrina replied, poking Starlight’s snout a little, causing it to scrunch up, much to the latter’s annoyance.
“Excellent comeback, mistress. Cheer for Catrina now everyone!” Furface shouted. All the other pink aliens aboard the ship opened their mouths and a recording of what sounded like a crowd cheering played loudly from all of them.
Still annoyed, Starlight gently nudged her paw away. “Will you just listen to me? Catrina, I like to think I know Twilight pretty well. Clearly you’ve done some research if you know she would care enough to come after me if I was taken. But obviously you either didn’t do enough, or straight up ignored one major detail. Twilight does not like to fight. She is most likely going to do everything possible in this kind of situation to keep herself from it, hostage or no,”
Catrina hadn’t expected Starlight to retort with such a long-winded explanation. Starlight couldn’t quite tell if Catrina took this to heart or not since she was just staring down at her with a puzzled frown and a raised eyebrow.
“…Why am I letting my prisoner lecture me? Talking down to me as if she were smarter, to think she could possibly know better than I? Hmph, I will be very glad to get you out of my sight once my grand debut as a villain is complete,” Catrina said, growling and turning her back to Starlight, causing her cape to sway to the side a bit.
Starlight loudly groaned in annoyance. “Fine. Don’t listen to me, watch what happens,”
“If I may make a suggestion,” Furface spoke up, raising his tiny pink paw in an attempt to get Catrina’s attention. “I would like to refer to page 445, section 6 of the ancient text, ‘Tyranny, Sadism, and the Basics of Villainy Guide: Special Blood-Inked Edition’ if it would suit your purposes, ma’am,”
“You know I don’t study Furface, just tell me what it is,” Catrina demanded, crossing her arms.
Not taking a moment to hesitate, Furface complied. “If you are having trouble with your prisoners mouthing off to you, one of the best methods to instill fear into them is the method of torture, physically or mentally. If your prisoners being unharmed is a necessary factor to your plan, physical torture is not recommended. However, if you only need them alive, do so as you see fit. Mental torture does not usually have this issue,”
Taking a moment to consider her options, Catrina turned her head slightly back to Starlight, now with a huge, toothy and sinister grin and a pair of dilated pupils. “Ohoooo you’re so gonna wish you kept your mouth shut,”
Despite this, Starlight had the most deadpanned of expressions on her face. “Okay, do it,”
“…E-Excuse me?” Catrina said as the façade dropped once again.
“Yeah, do it, prove me wrong. Because frankly as evil as you claim to be, I don’t think you have it in you,” Starlight said, now with a small smirk, and eliciting quiet ‘ooohs’ from Catrina’s army.
Catrina’s left eyelid twitched a little and her frown deepened even further than before, her rage just barely suppressed. “D-Do you even know what you’re saying, you madpony?”
“I do. And I’m waiting” Starlight said with her smirk growing a bit wider. “Pussycat,”
With that, Catrina bared her teeth and growled loudly. When she clenched her gloved fists, Starlight noticed that they glowed a bright orange color, which she found out were actually flames when she opened her paws; no doubt a feature of her suit. She could already feel the heat coming off of the roaring fires in her paws and deduced she could probably burn her to a crisp if she so desired. Due to her magic being suppressed and the restraints on her, she wasn’t in a good position to defend herself. Despite that, Starlight wasn’t worried, as that smirk never left her face.
“RRRRGH I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S A PUSSYCAT!” Catrina roared, preparing herself to wrap her flaming fingers around Starlight’s neck.
For several minutes. Every time Catrina felt like she was ready, she only winced once her hand got close to the unicorn and brought her hand back.
After maybe seven times of this happening, Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Well?”
“I-I’m getting there, shut UP!” Catrina shouted, her voice cracking again as she prepared herself emotionally again, only to hesitate once more. In response to this, many of her pink alien minions all looked at each other in what Starlight could only assume was confusion and doubt, but it was difficult to tell due to their lack of actual expressions.
“Yep. I knew it. You don’t really wanna hurt me, do you?” Starlight said, her smug smirk turning into a little more of a softer smile.
“Rrrgh…I just…don’t want to overdo it and leave scorch marks on my floor. I just mopped in here. Yeah, that’s it,” Catrina remarked, appearing unsure of herself as she let the flames in her paws die down. “Besides, I don’t need to lower myself by completely wrecking a powerless victim. Nooo I can show you what’s what in…other ways”
“Oh?” Starlight said with her interest even more revitalized than before. “What would that be?”
“HAHA! UNO, BITCH!” Catrina shouted in glee as she held her only remaining Uno card in her gloved paw.
Somewhat struggling to hold her own cards in her hooves thanks to the cuffs, Starlight pondered her next move. “Your skill at a card game made for children is impressive, I will grant you that,” she said, looking at the audience of Catrina’s minions all standing around their game table. “However, you underestimate my own power,” Starlight finished as she drew a wild draw four card with her mouth and placed it down, causing said audience to let out robotic gasps.
Scowling slightly at Starlight’s move, Catrina drew four more cards. “You are just committed to ruining my night, aren’t you?”
Starlight snickered a little bit at that before Commander Furface came rushing over to the table. “Catrina, Princess Twilight Sparkle approaches!” He said with a salute.
Acting quickly, Catrina stood up and flipped the game table over and kicked it out of the room. “Establish communications, now!” she commanded, grabbing her helmet and putting it back over her face.
Furface complied and pressed a couple of buttons on the ship’s main console, bringing up video feed of Twilight looking up at the ship with a stern expression.
“I got your message. What have you done with Starlight?” Twilight said in an angry-sounding tone, her eyes not even blinking as she glared up at the spaceship.
Appearing to try her absolute hardest not to squee at the sight of Twilight, Catrina got herself together and answered. “Don’t you worry about a thing Princess Twilight, your student remains unharmed,” she bellowed, her voice modifier working as it should this time around. “If you want it to remain that way, you will have to go through me. Prepare for the fight of your life, Princess,” Catrina continuing as she turned away from the console, quietly giggling to herself as she headed for the ship’s exit to face Twilight.
“I’m warning you kid, this isn’t going to go how you think it is,” Starlight notified her, still hoping to change Catrina’s mind.
“Shut up, no one asked you!” Catrina shouted back heading down the exit ramp, eliciting an eye roll from Starlight.
Once Catrina made it outside, Twilight looked just a bit put off by the hulking frame Catrina’s armor created but she remained firm in her stance. “Catrina, I presume?” she asked, keeping her eyes glued to her at all times to make sure she didn’t try anything funny.
“Who else?” Catrina replied with tinge of snark, unsheathing her claws and small orange balls of flame building up within them. “So, why don’t we get down to business; I’ve been waiting for this for a loooong time. Don’t you forget what you’re fighting for here,”
Despite Catrina’s threatening image, Twilight didn’t seem to ready herself for battle, much to Catrina’s bafflement. She only stood there and stared at her with that same, stern look. ‘What is she doing? Doesn’t she realize I have her student? Why isn’t she attacking me?’ Catrina thought to herself, somewhat frustrated.
Twilight then made a slow trot toward Catrina’s position, getting her just a little bit more excited. “Yeeees good Princess, I’ll let you have the first blow, it would be rude of me to deny that of roya-“ Just when Catrina thought Twilight was going to attack her, Twilight stood up and wrapped her forelegs around Catrina’s waist. At first Catrina thought that she was going to pull some kind of wrestling move and throw her onto her back, but that didn’t happen. She was being much too gentle.
“This doesn’t have to end in a fight Catrina. I know you’re a big fan of mine. If you wanted to meet me so badly you could have just come to the castle; you didn’t need to kidnap Starlight,” Twilight said speaking softly.
It was then that Catrina’s worst fears had been realized. This was not Twilight’s battle strategy. This was a hug.
‘No, no no no no this can’t be real, this isn’t happening!’ Catrina frantically thought to herself, her entire body practically shaking. ‘This has to be a trick, it just has to be! For crying out loud I kidnapped her student, how could anyone-‘
“I don’t know how your life has been up to this point, but for you to want attention of someone you admire this badly, I can only imagine it’s been rough for you. Maybe all you need is a few good friends to set you on the straight and narrow. I’ll be willing to provide that for you,” Twilight interrupted Catrina’s inner thoughts, looking up at the cat with a warm, genuine smile.
With that, and the realization that Starlight had been right all along, Catrina let out a blood-curdling scream of agony. So loud was it that it caused the voice modifier in her helmet to short out and her real voice erupted from it. “AAAAAAAH FURFACE I AM GOING TO EJECT YOU INTO THE COLD, UNFORGIVING EMPTINESS OF SPACE, YOU THUNDERING DUMBASS!” she screamed, causing Twilight to flinch a little bit at her volume.
Having watched the spectacle from the ship with Starlight, Furface quietly resigned himself to hiding out of sight under the main console. Meanwhile Starlight simply stared out the windshield with a deadpanned expression. “Oh gee, who could've seen that coming?” she said sarcastically to herself.
“Well this sure has been…something,” Twilight said, taking a sip of the hot cocoa Starlight had made for her as they sat in Starlight’s counselor office. “And she didn’t hurt you at all?”
Starlight shook her head, taking a sip from her own cup. “Nope. Catrina seems to think she’s a legitimately threatening evil overlord, heck she has the looks and resources down. But she’s still just a kid. All hiss and no claws if you know what I mean. If it wasn't for her all her fangirlisms revolving around you, she probably wouldn't have even challenged you to a fight in the first place,”
“In any case, I’m just glad you’re safe,” Twilight replied with a sigh of relief.
“Safe, yes. Adequately rested, no. She got me in the middle of the night so excuse me if I’m not in the brightest of spirits,” Starlight pointed to the bags forming under her eyes.
“Understood. Now…” Twilight turned to face Catrina herself, who had been dead silent this entire time as she laid on the nearby couch, pawing in a pathetic manner at a ball of yarn Twilight gave her. No longer did she have her armor on, and as it turns out, said armor made her look much taller than she actually was. Where she used to stand over eight feet tall while wearing the armor, without it, she just barely passed three feet. “What do we do with her?”
“You DID say having a few friends might be able to help her, so I was thinking maybe she could be enrolled here at the school. Her only real friends, and I use that word very loosely, were those borderline mindless creatures she had as minions. Heck I was probably the only significant interaction she’d had in a long time,” Starlight replied, also looking over at Catrina with a somewhat sad frown.
“They’ll have to find new jobs too. We can’t just let them wander off without direction either,” Twilight said, getting up and walking over to Catrina’s side, putting a comforting hoof on her shoulder. “How does all of this sound to you?”
“A-Are you sure you won’t just give me one teeny little punch to the jaw? P-Pretty please?” Catrina asked with a slight whimper in her voice.
Twilight stood there in disbelief for a moment and took in a huge breath of air, shutting her eyes. “I’m sure,” Twilight answered, just a little annoyed that she was still on that.
Sighing in disappointment, Catrina only nodded and continued to lay on her back and play with her yarn.
Author's Note
Since I'm fairly certain G4 is never getting a depiction of Catrina, even with anthro cats being canon thanks to the movie, I felt I might as well write my own version.
It started out as Catrina being depicted as a legitimately evil villain, but through extensive re-thinking I ultimately decided on this much more childish and inexperienced Twilight fangirl version that I just feel suits my tastes a bit more and was fairly different from most other versions I've seen. I realize I strayed quite a bit from the original G1 character but that was just sort of part of the fun for me.
