Mind made up

by Nightlist

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Pinkie Pie, Death, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1081

Goodbye

Rainbow Dash finds a recording of Pinkie's final goodbye

Published 2018-05-23 20:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-23 20:30:07 UTC

Audio recording

*click*

By the time you hear this, my mind is made up. I'm probably already dead anyways. Its just to hard. To hard putting on a fake smile ever day. To hard trying to always make everypony laugh. To hard to live. I'm so tired. So tired of it all. So tired of the voices telling me I'm not good enough, that everypony pities me thatIcantmakeanyPONYHAPPYTHATI-

Im sorry. I got carried away. Once you find this, please, please don't be sad. It's my fault. I didn't tell anyone. I guess I just hoped everything would get better on its own. Obviously, it didn't. If I had, I wouldn't be doing... this.

I don't think I can bring myself to say it. You can probably guess what I mean though. I'm really only recording this because I have things I want to say to each of you.

To Maud: You were the best sister I could have asked for. No matter what happened, you were always there for me. Please tell everyone that I love them.

To Twilight: I'm so glad I ran into you that day Twilight. I don't think I would have lasted as I long as I did without you. Without any of you. Please don't blame yourself.

To Fluttershy: Flutters, stay strong. Take care of your animals and please make sure Gummy gets somewhere safe to stay. Don't be afraid to reach out to others.

To Rarity: Rarity, you were always an inspiration to me, your passion for your work and for helping others is amazing. Please, don't feel bad that you couldn't help me. There was nothing you could do.

To AJ: I can't thank you enough for how much you helped me, even though you didn't know I needed help. Whenever it- whenever it got too bad you always seemed to have something that made me better, even if it was just for a little bit.

And finally, Dashie: I- i'm sorry Dashie. I was always to scared to tell you. I guess I knew I would be rejected. I don't deserve you Dashie, I'm just an awful, useless, stupid pony. I guess that- I just wanted you to know. I love you Dash. *sniffle* I always have. The rainboom made me happy. YOU made me happy. I- I'm sorry. I should stop wasting your time. Goodbye everone.

*click*

Rainbow Dash replayed the tape again. This- this had to be some sort of prank. There was no way Pinkie had- had...

NO! Dash would find her, she- would help her, she would do anything, ANYTHING! This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening!

But it was. Even as Rainbow denied the truth, she knew. There was no denying the body in front of her. The pink fur and mane, once so vibrant, dull and her wrists cut open and stained red. Those beautiful, crystal blue eyes hurting, above not yet dry tear tracks.

Rainbow wanted to cry, to scream, anything, but she just in silence. In disbelief.

"Pinkie... no."

She whispered, tears bubbling and overflowing in her eyes.

"Why? Why, WHY WHYWHYWHY?!?"

She said as her entire body shook with broken, harsh sobs. Her wings curled around her torso as Rainbow was trying to comfort herself, but it was of no use. Nothing was helping. Nothing would help.

*two months later*

Rainbow stared out of her window at the rain.

She had let her life slip, turning to booze and sex to try to make herself forget. Later she started drugs too. It didn't make her happy, nothing did. But it numbed the pain. It made it easier for her to go on.

It separated her from everyone, which made it easier to hide the scars, both new and old. Those who did notice it was just her being reckless.

Dash sighed. She missed Ponyville. She had moved because her friends kept trying to get her into therapy. She had moved because of the memories. She had moved because the scornful looks and the ponies whispering behind her back.

She was better off here anyways. She had cut her hair short and dyed it with black streaks. She got piercings and hung out with gangs. No one knew who she really was. It was better that way.

She glanced back at her latest fling, a unicorn mare with with a blue coat and a purple mane, who was passed out on the couch, not having bothered to clean up the mess between her legs. Dash's eyes flickered over her, all of a sudden seeing pink fur and sparkling blue eyes.

Dash snapped her eyes shut and shook her head. Pinkie was gone. She would never come back.

Dash felt the walls closing on her as she stood and walked out the door. She needed a drink.

Rainbow took another swig from the bottle as she watched the city life below. The bottle had been emptied, so she dropped it, not caring where it landed.

She spread her wings and took off, feeling the wind rustling through her feathers. She used to love this. Now, there was nothing but a empty pain her heart. There was no joy in her anymore.

She sped up, feeling the familiar burn in her muscles. She pushed herself further, faster as if trying to run from it all.

The air began to bend in front of her, as she began to fly faster. She wanted to tears to fall, but they didn't come. They wouldn't come anymore. It was as if she had shed so many tears that she had none left.

She flew faster still, not wanting to stop. She knew this was dangerous, but she didn't care. At least the sharp pain of outward injuries distracted her from the dull ache in her heart. In her head. She just wanted it all to end.

Her flying muscles began to ache, not being used to this anymore, but Rainbow didn't care. She had stopped caring long ago.

Rainbow Dash went as fast as she could, faster than she had gone in ages. Light began to bend around her as she came ever closer toe a sonic rainboom. Eventually, she broke the boundary that was holding her back and turned to face a stone building, her wings tucking themselves against her body.

She didn't need them anymore.

"Pinkie," she spoke under breath. "I love you."

The deceased passed away by flying into a building at supersonic speeds.